Did You Ever Have To Make Up Your Mind?

Lying snug as a bug in my futon at the late hour of 8AM on a Sunday morning, I was sleeping. Not tossing and turning or that half-sleeping/half wake slumber, but rather that type of rest that brings about wall-shaking snoring. There I was... dreaming the about the good life with me being interrogated by the bikini-clad members of Charlie’s Angels (pre-movie, but if I had known about that cast...), when all of a sudden it began:

“Ohayo gozaimasu! Sumimasen! Suzuki desu! Gomen’nasai!” (Good morning! Excuse Me! I’m Suzuki! Sorry!) Followed by: “Ohayo gozaimasu! Sumimasen! Kawaguchi desu! Gomen’nasai!” (Good morning! Excuse Me! I’m Kawaguchi! Sorry!), and then “Ohayo gozaimasu! Sumimasen! Kurita desu! Gomen’nasai!” (Good morning! Excuse Me! I’m Kurita! Sorry!). Yes, the Japanese election process had begun.

Locally, there seemed to be about 20 candidates - all of whom would drive through the tiny streets of Ohtawara in their white cars. The cars had mounted to the roof what appeared to be a jet-engine casing that was utilized to house a mega-loudspeakers that was able to generate more noise than any WHO concert.

Beginning in October, about a month before the actual erection (well, that’s how the Japanese pronounce it in English!), these would-be politicians annoyed the heck out of the entire populace of the city all day long from 8 in the morning until 8 at night. The ploy must work... it’s all everyone talks about (translated from the Japanese): “Man, did you hear those honourable idiots when they drove by work today? Bad enough they have to apologize for disturbing me and then continue to do so, but then they have to play that crappy boring enka music (old-style Japanese folk music that all foreigners would associate to be typical Japanese music)!”

Every once in awhile, the candidates stop their car, get out and give a speech to the shop owners trapped in their stores. Cars drive by and beep their horn in support of the candidates moving their vehicle out of the way.

Later in the campaign, candidates begin giving speeches from their moving cars. What is the purpose of this? (Maybe so no one can get off a clear shot?) The vehicles always move out of earshot before half of the message is delivered! And, to make matters even more confusing, there’s a continual over-lapping of speeches by the other candidates making it even more difficult to discern what they stand for – though it’s pretty evident that it’s not noise pollution controls. Vote for the quietest candidate!!

Another political tactic involves local party members running as independent candidates. Apparently there is a preconception that the national parties convey an image of deceit and corruption to the general public (hey, I was told this by quite a few people). So, to avoid this, a switch is made. Of course, after the vote, they quickly change back to their original party. By doing this, he/she avoids the lying and cheating frequently involved in big-time politics.

Finally, Erection Day arrives. But when? No one seemed to know the exact date! Sometime in November seemed to be the most frequently-given answer. Since the general populace has no idea when to vote (or why) – who wins? Obviously the guy or gal who has the largest family to help do all the political flag-waving and ballot-box stuffing. Another mitigating factor would be the person with the easiest name to write - as it was for myself when I was encouraged to vote.

Somewhere voting early and often.
Andrew Joseph
PS: The photo near the top of this piece is of Yukitomo Kurita-san - Pops to Takako (nee Kurita) and Mathew Hall. Kurita-san was an Ohtawara City Councilman while I was there and was re-elected a few times.
PPS: the business cards here at the bottom are of the Shi-cho (Mayor) and Deputy Mayor. I used to have lunch with the Mayor once every two months.He was always amazed that I could use chopsticks.