The people I am referring to--while not strictly limited to, of course--are the Japanese. Not all Japanese. Just a few of them. Perhaps it was done for kitsch-value. Perhaps it was done out of sincerity and concern for their own mental well-being. Only they, and their significant other, know for sure.
Apparently--and mind you I only have a web-site's claim of this--some folks (IE Japanese) are sending their stuffed dolls out on a holiday. By themselves.
Now, I've always been a tad concerned about adults who have a stuffed doll to begin with. Sure, one or two given to you by a significant other is fine, but I know adults who have a whole room filled with the damned things. Staring at me with their beady eyes. Watching my every move. Hoping to be touched. It's kind of creepy in a creepy sort of way.
Apparently, for those many, many Japanese folks who are too busy with work or who simply can't afford it (stop buying stuffed dolls), they are sending the chubby-wubby plush entities out to have a vacation for them.
Yes... people are sending their stuffed doll to have that vacation they can't have themselves.
According to Barcelona Toy Travel, they have been getting a plethora of requests from the Japanese to escort their stuffed doll on that trip of a lifetime that they don't have a life or money to enjoy. I hear that.
Obviously, the vacation of a lifetime must conform to Barcelona, Spain. While not necessarily my personal idea of a trip of a lifetime, I suppose some stuffed dolls might think it is, as I'm sure the city is a fantastic place to get laid.
For a mere £60 ($95.88 CAN), Barcelona Toy Travel will show your teddy, froggy, monkey or other non-living entity around Barcelona on a six-day jaunt, while providing their sugar daddy or sugar momma with a vast selection of photos of their plush toy enjoying his/her/itself in front of some of the city's many wonderful sites.
Going out and about (Uh... Canadians will write that phrase, but we don't actually say it out loud), your furry friend will enjoy the sights, the sounds, the smells of old and new architecture, beaches (no need to pack your swimming trunks!), and a lot of food. So much food that your plush friend will be stuffed. You know what I mean.
As an added bonus, your fuzzy wuzzy buddy will meet like-minded toys from all over the world. Maybe they'll get lucky? Score! But don't be jealous. What happens in Spain, stays in Spain.
Perhaps getting the idea from the well-travelled gnome, Barcelona Toy Travel will, near the end of the trip, send a postcard (which may or may not be written in your stuffed critter's own handwriting... it depends on whether or not they can write, as not all stuffed toys have thumbs... or know how to spell... or can physically move) telling you of the wonderful time they had and thanking you and probably wishing you were here. Maybe. Who the fudge knows. Then they send the toy back to you where the fluffy bunny just won't shut-up about how much cooler everyone is in Spain, and how one truly hasn't lived until they've eaten 'mar i muntanya' (seafood and mountain) in Catalan.
Worried that you might miss your little buddy especially at night when your bed is cold and alone? Don't be! Barcelona Toy Travel will ensure your friend sends plenty of e-mails. As an added bonus, you will be able to follow the exploits of your stuffed doll through Facebook via a specially created profile.
Seriously. I am being friggin' serious. Now I'm going to have to set up a stupid Facebook page. I have specifically avoided going on Facebook for years and years because I think it smacks of people desperately seeking attention (unlike this blog), and now, just because I'm sending my... uh, never mind. I've said enough.
So... what does the thoughtful Japanese (or other) get from all of this? I suppose peace of mind, and a well-rested, well-tanned plush that can tell you all about his/her/its wonderful time while you spoon. Don't be jealous. That hurts everyone involved.
I'm thinking of setting up my own plush toy travel tour in Thailand, Holland, The Netherlands or Siam and offering it up as a sex tour. As proof that they were there--because photography is probably forbidden within the red-light district's spongiform rooms, unless you have a few extra dollars--I suppose I wouldn't offer to clean the doll... just send them back all sticky and with some sort of venereal disease.
Somewhere it hurts when I p.s.,
Andrew Joseph
Today's venereal title is sung by Canada's The Guess Who: Arooooo!
PS: I mentioned setting up a tour in four countries. Yes, I am aware that it's really four names for two countries. Yes, siam. And, I have been to three of those countries. It's not called Siam anymore.
PPS: If you didn't know... The Clap is slang for VD (venereal disease).
PPPS: And just in case you think your old pal Andrew has gone completely stupid, why don't you check this out: BON VOYAGE
