"Oh, no, they say he's got to go
Go go Godzilla"
I spent an inordinate amount of time in the washroom while in Japan.
Part of it was due to me imbibing copious quantities of alcohol, some of it was because I drank over two-litres of Coke everyday, and some of it was because I was eating a lot of strange foods that my body wasn't able to process for whatever reason.
Would I have liked to know what was wrong with me? Maybe. Maybe not. I tend to worry about things I hear about.
Regardless, Toto, a Japanese manufacturer of smart toilets, has created the Intelligence Toilet that also acts as a medical lab for those who really need to know if you are what you eat... or pee, as the case may be.
For you Johnny-Come-Lately's and those not in the know (me included), apparently Japanese toilets are known for their ability to be more than a sewage receptacle--armed with doohickeys and functions that seem like a good idea, but sound stupid when you read about them. For example: posterior shower jets; aromatic perfume bursts; and noise-masking audio effects for the easily-embarrassed (apparently it still sounds like a fart).
Because I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto's latest toilet offering provides an instant health check-up every time the potty user goes to the can. In other words... "pee in this."
Designed for the Japanese housing company Daiwa House in consideration of the country's growing senior population, new toilet provides urine analysis, takes the user's blood pressure and body temperature, and measures their weight with an inbuilt floor scale.
"Our chairman had the idea when he was at a hospital and saw people waiting for health checks. He thought it would be better if they could do the health tests at home," says Akiho Suzuki (who may or may not be the only female architect at Daiwa House).
It boggles the mind - and remember... I'm being serious here - she might be the only female architect in Japan - oh yeah, the toilet is pretty wicked, too.
Apparently there's a receptacle in the bowl to catch the pee that checks it for temperature and sugar content. As well, since I hope you are all sitting down now, there's an armband to monitor blood pressure with a wall-mounted screen providing a data readout.
"With the current model, your data is sent automatically to your personal computer, and then you can email it to your doctor," notes Suzuki stating that a next generation model will automatically send the data to family members or doctor via the Internet.
"Oh look, dear. Your father's urine is too sweet."
OR
"Ah, geez... that Yamaguchi-san is peeing again, Doctor."
The Intelligence Toilet can store data for you and the whole family (as long as it doesn't exceed five people) and is available in the Land of the Rising Moon, I mean, Sun for 350,000 to 500,000 yen ($4,100 to $5,850).
Somewhere wondering if you call a doctor, a plumber or an IT guy if you clog the toilet,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is brought to you by Blue Oyster Cult - MONSTERISLAND.
PS: I had the opportunity to try one of these toilets recently at the Japanese consulate. It turns out, I'm allergic to green peppers, cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli and lettuce. My blood sugars are high, but I'm okay... and apparently I have tennis elbow from too much... tennis? I don't play tennis.
