A Yen For Coke

Sorry people... only one blog today. My wife was clobbered by a 2-litre bottle of Coke. I know what you are thinking... that a bottle of Coke would be my weapon of choice... not no, I was at work when I got the call an ambulance had taken her to a hospital.

She had placed some bottles up on top of a shelf and then moved in to pick some stuff up off the floor. A bottle then fell and got her on the back of the neck. 

Aside from a contusion, and a lot of soreness, she is fine and back home. I report this just so you know that truth is always stranger than fiction. That's what you get from this blog.

In the meantime... I'm going to pass you over to my friend Mike Rogers, who has written an interesting piece on how Japan is trying to prop up the Yen. MARKETING JAPAN

I just have one question. With untold number of countries in debt owing money... just which countries are getting rich... and how do I get me some?

I tell ya... when the US sneezes, Canada catches a cold. But lately, Canada seems to be doing better than the good old US of A... at least from an economic recovery stand-point.

Japan... poor bastards... a devastated economy that has been in decline since I left 17 years ago... too many natural disasters that have nearly crippled the country financially - but not the noble Japanese spirit... but again... I read Mike's critique and wonder just what can be done to prop up the Yen?

Do I need to make a return trip to Japan and blow it all on booze and women? I'm always willing to do my part, Nihonjin (Japanese people)!



Back to the grind tomorrow. I'm taking a day off - my first this year - and I'm taking my son to the former tallest free-standing structure in the world (the CN Tower @ 555m)  before blowing a few more bucks at the LEGO store here in Toronto.

No wonder I'm broke.



Somewhere having a Coke and knowing it's all just bricks in the wall,

Andrew Joseph

PS: I guess this does entry make a second blog! I must get to sleep... I'm constantly up until 2:30AM!

That's The way (I Like It)

I'm at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) again - today September 27, 1991, Friday.

I have three classes today, and one of them is a team-teaching demonstration in front of all of the English teachers in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan plus the whole Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office is there.

I'm unsure if they are there to watch the English teacher or me. Probably me. The whole point, I am sure, is to determine whether or not gaijin (foreigners) are a plus or minus for the students here in this city.

Whatever. I'm not nervous because all I can do is do what I do.

The class went very well, despite the students being nervous. Miss Iso, the first-year class' English teacher was also very nervous--she confided in me afterward. I suppose she was, but it wasn't evident to me.

Who could blame the kids and teachers for being nervous... there were an additional 25 adults in the class! I am curious as to why they chose Wakakusa as the school. Tomura-sensei is the school's head of English, and a finer gentleman and speaker of English may not be found in the city. Well... Shibata-sensei of Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) is also excellent, as are Nagashima-sensei... hell... come to think of it, each school has at least one fantastic English teacher! While some of the English teachers in Ohtawara-shi may not be the greatest of English speakers as far as pronunciation goes (that's a big reason for me being here!), their teaching skills are sublime.

The demonstration lesson was nothing fancy - we just did what we usually did. Repeat after Andrew, Andrew helps students with pronunciation, helps students with written work, makes a few jokes and tries to relax everybody, and always ensures they know that us gaijin are every bit as human as they are. It's called internationalization, and to be honest, along with interacting with the everyday populace of this city and beyond, I'm also trying to help lay the groundwork (along with the rest of the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme that hired me as an assistant English teacher) so that this generation of kids doesn't feel like gaijin are special or different... but are instead just people like them who love, laugh, cry, get angry, and who want to do the best job in life possible.

Hey... I know what my real job is here in Japan, and I do it quite well. No one hates me. No one mistrusts me. People like me and enjoy my company. I fit in without becoming Japanese.

Ken Sasanuma (Sasanuma-sensei), a young, very cool guy from Chikasono Chu Gakko (Chikasono Junior High School) presents me with some photos he took of my last visit to his school. We had a blast with his students at this very old fashioned-looking school with it's wooden floorboards and walls!

Here's a blog on my activities of the the old-man hobby if bonsai! HERE

And where are the photos of pinching trees? Somewhere in this old house... I've seen it recently, but that doesn't mean I can find it!

In the photos, I have a beard. It also shows us going out to a bonsai (Japanese tree bondage... that's what I call the miniaturizing of trees) master's farm, with me forcing a tree to bow to my will.

The OBOE bows and smiles to me, but doesn't say anything to anyone... except thanks... and then leaves.

Back home... it's raining a bit... Matthew calls and comes over to make me get off my butt and go to Matsuri restaurant for dinner. There we meet a couple of his junior high school teachers. Matthew is an assistant English teacher on the JET Programme who lives five minutes away from me in the city, and who teaches at I think five junior high schools just outside the city. Matthew also fits in quite well, despite being a thin 6'-3" strawberry blond American! He knew some Japanese language before arriving, and quickly found himself a gorgeous girlfriend in Takako Kurita.... who Matthew said yesterday that she was moving to the capital city of Utsunomiya today.

He doesn't mention anything about it... but perhaps that's because two of his teachers are there at the place plying us with lots of sake (Japanese rice wine) to drink.

By the way... now in 2011, I'm having a nice chilled glass of sake while I write this. I love the stuff! I had never had it before arriving in Japan back in late July 1990.

Matthew and I are both pissed by 10PM, at which time I bet Matthew that my ex-girlfriend and current friend-with-benefits, Ashley will be asleep when I call.

He's afraid to take that bet.

I'm unsure if he's afraid I'll blab that he and I were betting on her, or that he believed she might actually be asleep at 10PM on a Friday night. That, sweetheart, is why you are single.

Anyhow, despite being drunk, I'm not stupid or completely mean. I know she's asleep. She always was when she wasn't with me. I suppose that's fine... some people just need more sleep... but dammit... she's 23!.. look at Matthew and I! We're out having a drink with some locals... being one of the guys! We're not hitting on women... though anyone of us four could if we wanted too! We're just soaking up local and gaijin culture!

We're not sleeping away our life here in Japan. There will be plenty of time to sleep when we're dead!

(In 2011... I'm now 20 years closer to that sleep... I am so very, very tired... damn sake!)

I still enjoy her company and the sex... but dammit I wish she was more energetic!

At midnight, we say our good nights and stagger home. Matthew left his bike at my place and hopefully doesn't ride into any rice fields on the way back home. I know there aren't any rice fields between my place and his, but he is as hammered as I am... and besides... Ohtawara, like all the small towns in this country... has its sewers covered by removable cement blocks that act as sidewalks.... and they aren't always set in place... or, in a few instances, even there.

I stay up until 2AM and do my crossword puzzle while drinking Coke until I am sure I am no longer drunk.

It's been a great day of fitting in, and just being me.

Somewhere I like it,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by KC & The Sunshine Band: UH-HUH.
Forget the sexual lyrics... it's just a peppy song and I feel good, for goodness sake.  

Kamikaze Skull Found At Pearl Harbour

U.S. Navy photo of the Dec. 7, 1941 attack on Pearl Harbour.

Okay... I'm just using the familiar term "kamikaze (divine wind - the name given to Japan's suicide pilots in the waning days of WWII between October 1944 - July 29 1945 when the last ship was sunk by a Kamikaze)" in the headline. It's not a kamikaze skull. 

However, an excavation crew dredging the harbour has found a skull that archeologists think might be from the Pear Harbour attack by Japan back on December 7, 1941 (when the U.S. joined WWII a full two years after it began), a date the Americans say will live in infamy.

Apparently it still does.

Archaeologist Jeff Fong ofthe Naval Facilities Engineering Command Pacific (NAVFAC Pacific) says there are efforts now to try and identify the skull, with early analysis making him 75 per cent positive the skull belongs to a Japanese pilot. 

While he did not say what has led him to these beliefs, Fong stated that it was not from any of Hawaii's ancient burial sites.

The Naval Facilities Engineering Command Hawaii has alsocontacted local police and ruled out the possibility that it's from anactive missing person case

The items found with the skull also provided clues:forks, scraps of metal and a Coca-Cola from the 1940s.

According to historical documents, it is known that 55 Japanese fliers were killed and 29 of their aircraft were shot down in the attack. The U.S. lost 2,400 service members that day in the surprise attack.

No confirmed Japaneseremains have ever been found at Pearl Harbor since World War II. Hawaii was not a part of the United States at that time - it was a protectorate Territory and did not join until August 21, 1959 - but when Japan attacked the US Naval base there, it was considered an attack against the U.S.

The skull remains intact despite being dug up with giant cranes and shovels on April 1, 2011 after it and other items were dredged from the water and left to dry overnight. Upon discovering the skull, all work ceased immediately in case it was a crime scene.

"We definitely wanted it to be handled correctly," says Denise Emsley, public affairs officer for the Naval Facilities Engineering Command Hawaii. "That's why it's been kept quiet. We didn't want to excite people prematurely."

TheJoint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) on Oahu, Hawaii, charged with identifyingAmericans who were killed in action but were never brought home, was contacted to determine the identity of the male skull by examining dental records and DNA.

According to John Byrd, the lab's director and aforensic anthropologist: "We're working on the case but the caseis just in the early stages of analysis. We're not going toknow much more about it for a while yet."

The lab is the onlyaccredited Skeletal Identification Laboratory in the U.S. JPAC has identified more than 560 Americans since it began operations in 2003.

It's rare to findremains in Hawaii, said Niitsu Kohei (surname first), an official at Japan's Ministryof Health, Labor and Welfare in Tokyo. "The government usually sends ateam to determine if the remains are indeed Japanese, and if this isconfirmed, they are brought back to Japan."

NAVFAC Pacific issued a statement on July 20, 2011 noting it was early in the case to identify the remains.

"Untilwe receive the final report of the forensic analysis being conducted byscientists at (JPAC), we won't know with certainty whether the remainsare a Japanese pilot or not," the statement said.

DanielMartinez, the National Park Service's chief historian for Pearl Harbor,said experts on Pearl Harbor know enough about the specific locationwhere Japanese planes went down in the attack that they might be ableto match the skull with a crewmember.

"They landed in a varietyplaces throughout Pearl Harbor and the island of Oahu," Martinez explains "In the area of Pearl Harbor, we know what plane was shot down and whowas in the crew.

"Ithink that anytime you're able to reclaim a casualty and perhaps evenidentify it, regardless of what country, it may bring closure to afamily."

Bike

It's Thursday, July 25, 1991. I'm a junior high school assistant English teacher working for the Ohtawara Board of Education in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

My friend Matthew from upstate New York who teaches at a whole whack of junior high schools outside the Ohtawara City area--and who lives five minutes away from--has come up with a plan for us today as we're on vacation.

We've decided to go to Nasushiobara-machi (It's now known as Nasushiobara-shi... a city after merging with Kuroiso-machi and Nishinasuno-machi in 2005). By bicycle.

It seems like a great idea. I have no idea where it is actually, except that it's north of my apartment building... somewhere in those mountains in the photo up above.

I'm lousy with directions--both here in Japan and back home in Canada. I get lost constantly. But this time have sided with Matthew who speaks more Japanese than myself by far, we should be okay. Besides... he knew how to get there.

A mutual friend, Kevin, who worked for an American company that had an exchange program with its Japanese parent company, had provided Matthew with some instructions.

Despite it being July... this time I was smart enough to suggest to Matthew that it might be cold up in the mountains... Matthew's response was: "D'uh." He knew already and was prepared with a windbreaker and jeans--pretty much what I was wearing.

So... without much fanfare, we were off. It was a nice day... cool in the morning, but we knew that riding would make us warm, but being up in the mountains, it could be cool and windy. We didn't bother taking food or drinks with us, as we correctly surmised that we could find what we needed at a vending machine for drinks or at a restaurant or convenience store for food.

It wasn't long after leaving my place - maybe 30 minutes or so, that we figured we were lost. Totally lost. we were riding through a field (not a rice field... which was how we knew we weren't in Ohtawara... as that name translates into Big-Rice Field-Field). We had both pretty much only ever seen rice fields here in our city...

Still, we knew where the mountain was. North.

It didn't matter. Matthew seems to have a innate sense of direction.. and we enjoy the ride... watching as white cars drive at us only to swerve at the last second and honking at us to let us know that they saw us:

"Hora! Gaijin-da!" (Look! Foreigners!)
 
It would be bad form to hit two gaijin (foreigners) at once... especially two mildly famous ones in the Prefecture.

We stop off at a vending machine and grab a drink. I get a Coke... and a Georgia Coffee (cold coffee in a can manufactured for the Asian market by Coca-Cola... Matthew gets some Japanese drink. I swear that boy is more Japanese than the Japanese sometimes.

We stop off at a 7-11 and get some onigiri (Japanese rice balls)... with the most awesome packaging... It's a triangle of rice about four inches along each plane and one inch thick. Inside it in the very middle is a dollop of white tuna or a umeboshi (sour plum) or some veggies.

First you pull tab one which splits the packaging.  Then you plug ontabs two and three to pull apart the film package. There is, as mentioned an inside layer of clear film that holds the nori (seaweed). The clear film around the nori keeps it crisp and dry. Removing it, you simply wrap/fold the nori around the rice ball/triangle and then you munch away. There is a way to never actually touch the rice  ball with your fingers while wrapping it - and I've watched a few drunk Japanese businessmen to learn how.

It is sooooo delicious. I usually have three to fill me up as a whole meal. I always get the sea chicken and mayonnaise style... Sea chicken is white tuna meat. The Japanese never really used to east white tuna meat (only red tuna meat) until maybe 20 years ago, as it was considered the garbage part of the tuna.To differentiate it from the red tuna, the name "Sea Chicken" was concocted for the Japanese market. The Japanese don't know why.. and neither do most gaijin.... but back in Canada, I used to watch these television commercials that asked: "What's the best tuna? Chicken Of The Sea!"

Yes, Chicken Of The Sea was a brand of tuna in a can. I ate it all the time back in Toronto. So... for the Japanese... sake (pronounced "sha-kay") is red tuna meat... and white tuna (pronounced "she chi-con") is based on a brand of canned tuna.    

Back on the bike... I only had one gear working on my bicycle... and the chain was groaning and creaking like my grandfather's knees. I guess I should have oiled it at least once since getting the bike a year ago.

Matthew at Mt. Nasu

We finally arrive and head over to a large part up the mountain. See... we have proof that we made it.

After 1-1/2 hours there, we head for home. But we decide to race... because we're in our mid-20s and in such great shape... right.

Matthew has more speed than me thanks to the lack of any gear shifting, but when he has to coast to catch his breath, my bicycle catches up thanks to its superior gliding power. No matter what he does, when he stops pedaling, I stop too, but I catch up and actually have to hit the brakes to avoid getting too far ahead.

We ride on to Nishinasuno-eki (Nishinasuno Train station) and park our bikes and head onto a local JR (Japan Rail) train for a ride down to Utsunomiya-shi, the capital of Tochigi-ken.

There we catch the movie Robin Hood (Kevin Costner's)--which we both agree is pretty decent.

Back home, I relax and do a bit of my puzzle and watch some more videos. I step back out onto my bicycle and head over to one of the three 7-11's near my apartment and get some more onigiri for my dinner.

Andrew at Mt. Nasu

Back home... I collapse I quickly eat, stay up a 1/2 hour longer and then go to bed early at 10PM.

I should be in pain tomorrow.

Somewhere tomorrow came early,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Pink Floyd: GERALD. It's a real old one

PS: I love Matthew's sense of adventure. My wife does that sort of stuff, too. I probably wouldn't go anywhere for fear of getting lost if it wasn't for people like this. As a result of Matthew's get up and go, aside from the leg and back muscles hurting, I got to see stuff I have already seen, but I did so from the perch of my bicycle and got to experience the sights, the sounds and the smells of Japan.
PPS: Okay... the photos of Matthew and myself are actually from another trip we did from Mt. Nasu in the same area. I think.   

Step By Step

It's Saturday, July 13, 1991. Ohtawara City, Tochigi Prefecture, Japan.
I've had a pretty good week. I'll be going on vacation soon having earned some well-deserved time-off from my job with the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) as an assistant English teacher (AET) on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme.

I'm awake at 9AM, but lie in bed fantasizing about my ex-girlfriend Ashley (another AET) who lives one town over. We've been apart for about a month now, and while I can get over not having her as a girlfriend, I just don't care for rejection. At all. It's a personal affront to my mental health. Like... what the hell is wrong with me? Nothing! Of course it's ego. I'm not stupid.
I don't think of myself as God's gift to women - far from it. But, I do want people to like me. And being rejected... well, I suppose it makes me a little squirrelly (nuts, that is).
With Ashley, I am at least trying to have her be a friend with benefits. A non-girlfriend with whom I can have sex with. Whatever our personality differences ( I have a personality), we still enjoyed each others physical company.
I finish up at 9:30AM and wash up before heading out to the bank to get some money for Dan and the motorcycle I'm going to purchase tomorrow. Yes... you heard right.
I do a quick shop for food and then purchase a small 2,000 piece puzzle. Over Christmas, I put together a 5,000 piece puzzle of the Universe. It was black with a lot of white specks. I didn't sleep for two days while I went crazy trying to put it together. Then I realized I was crazy and went to sleep, got some sleep and then assembled it rather quickly.
At home, I tidy up. Put clean sheets on my bed and start doing the border of the puzzle (It's a puzzle of a Japanese ukiyo-e... of a kimono-clad woman).
Putting it away, I watch a few videos until the doorbell rings at 4PM.
It's Ashley, right on time for our dinner here at my place. Step 1 - Complete
She looks great. Still a bit over-weight after breaking up with me, but she's a sight for these sore eyes.
We watch McGyver, go out on our bicycles and rent a couple more movies and then cook a dinner of Tacos.
While I cook, Ashley sits in the kitchen on a chair with wheels. Every now and then I push her all around the apartment to much amusement.
I also notice when I'm standing close to her that she doesn't shy away when my leg touches her. Step 2 - Complete
We drink a lot of beer (Step 3 - Complete) and begin watching the movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Despite it being a kid's movie, it's one of my favourites—but just know that it was written by Ian Fleming who also created James Bond. Ever wonder where the tricked out cars came from? Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Ashley's movie choice was Nightmare on Elm Street. How can you not like a woman who likes horror movies?   
To continue the plan of seduction, I offered a back rub. She readily accepted. Step 4 - Complete
After a few moments of a real massage, I kiss the back of her neck. She doesn't flinch. Step 5 - Complete
So... forgetting the massage aspect, I keep kissing and licking her neck. As soon as I notice her close her eyes, I knew I had her. Step 6 - Complete
I pulled her around and kissed her hard. She responded the same. It was like we had never stopped being together.
We roll around the living room and knock over some beer. She wants to stop and help me clean it up, but I'm in the process of removing my pants, so screw that. Yes, I know what I wrote.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is now on permanent pause, though the Bang Bang begins in earnest now.
Step 7 - 71 - Complete. Yes, we even completed Step 69. D'uh.
I do notice, that the first time she straddled me, she didn't ask about a condom... which I have always worn.
Hunh. I guess she's feeling like she can trust me. That's a lot of pressure on a guy who wants to pop his cork. As I enter her, that first time ever bare feeling... I think I had an orgasm without the ejaculation.
Not wanting to take a chance, I pop a condom on and get to work, finishing up about 5 hours later at 2AM.
Now that was intense.
We exit my bedroom and pretend like we are interested in watching the rest of the movie. That lasts five minutes before we start again.
Finished, and sucking back a bottle of Coca-Cola apiece, we go back to the movie. She jumps me like 10 seconds later. Whoa! Where the hell was this when we were dating?! We're at it again... but then I tell her I think I'm dry.
I guess I shouldn't have masturbated twice earlier today.
We are both exhausted and sweaty with each other's scent all over us. We spoon and fall asleep... just like old times.
No mention of love was made. It was just pure, impure, raw animal sex.
I even sleep in the wet spot.

Somewhere unable to find a dry spot,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by:  New Kids On The Block. Hey... the lyrics fit the blog. HAIRGEL
PS: Tomorrow, I buy a motorcycle and some different type of riding. I'm already chaffing at the bit, so to speak.

Whole Lotta Love

It's part two of July 4, 1991.
My ex-sexual partner Junko was stalking me until Shibata-sensei at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan found out and asked me if I wanted it stopped.
Agreeing, he made a phone called and then told me "It's done" before walking away to finish his cigarette.
I leave school and ride my bicycle home and feel as though I'm being followed by a white car—not a stretch considering most of Japan's cars seem to be white. But Junko, being female, I'm guessing doesn't have a white car. She would have one of those miniature pastel coloured cars manufactured by a car company so small I've never heard of it... but it was still quite popular in creating cars specifically for women.
I don't see Junko following me, but she's pretty darn good at it, so who knows. I would assume that any plan concocted by Shibata-sensei is still going to take a little while to begin.
Regardless... I ride home to my three-bedroom apartment and see Ashley sitting on the front steps waiting for me.
 I don't tell her about Junko because while Ashley and I are no longer a couple, I still want to figure out a way to get sex. I've spent the past couple of weeks slowly breaking down the wall she put up between us to ensure we didn't get back together again - because she really needs her space.
Yeah.
That's why she's waiting for me at my apartment. That's why she agreed to come over for dinner tonight. She needs space.
Soon.
We chat a bit while we sit on my couch. I can feel her leg on mine - and she doesn't pull away.
There's heat.
We cook up a pot of my famous/infamous chili and watch another episode of Designing Women on my Video Tape Recorder.
At 7PM, she gets ready to leave. I call her back, grab her hand, put my arm around her waist - there's no resistance. I'm sure France was easier to take over in WWII than this. Sorry France.
But not tonight.
Still... I tell her I'm not ashamed of her–she seemed to think I was, even believing that Matthew didn't like her. And while I never asked Matthew about that - he never said anything like that to me or ever gave that impression to me.
She smiles and says 'thanks.'
I tell her she doesn't have to leave, but she turns to go anyway... so I grab her again in a hug and kiss her hairy head and then give her a coy wink with a smirk on my face that would get me laid in the best whore houses in France for 200 Euros. Sorry again, France.
She turns and smiles a good bye as she leaves.
Well... that was easy. I sure hope Junko isn't waiting outside my apartment to kill Ashley.
I head out to night school to teach - there's a large crowd. There's even another gaijin (foreigner) there... Sarah, a heavy Italian girl from Hawaii who leads the discussion. That's fine. It's English conversation, and tonight I'm content to listen and chime in with the usually sexual innuendo. She's staring at me. Normally I wouldn't mind, but she does seem to outweigh me by some 20 kilograms, and these days I've hardly been starved of sex thanks to Junko, and probably Ashley again, very soon. So... I'm not biting.
I think the level of talk is too high for the group, as we chat about unions and the mob. Great. Leave it to the Italians to bring up the mob. Sorry France... I mean Italy. I just somehow expected it to be France's fault.
I go home and as I take off my shoes the door bell rings. It's Junko... but before I can open the door to let her in, I see two men behind her lurking in the shadows. One of them calls to her - she turns and runs down the stairs near my apartment and (after I run to the front balcony I see that:) she's trying to get into a car... it's red. See... I knew she wouldn't have anything but a chick car!
Anyhow... there's another man standing beside the driver's door - and he's not letting her in. He's not grabbing her or anything - he's just leaning against the car door casually smoking a cigarette.
I don't recognize any of the men.
I shout down at them to leave her alone... but the smoker yells up: "Daijobu, An-do-ryu-sensei." (It's okay Andrew teacher)... and then in English says loudly: "Junko-chan... you masto leavu An-do-ryu-sensei alone. Iki masho. (Let's Go!) We willu taku you baku to your maza's house."
I think he said he would take her back to her mother's house. Even I can't understand what I wrote.
And with that, Junko-chan seemed to slump with resignation and followed the men to their car, while another got into her red woman's car and followed close behind.
I went back into my apartment and closed the sliding doors to the balcony and drew shut the drapes and went to my fridge to get a Coke.
The phone rang... I picked it up reluctantly on the 36th ring... that's how you know it's a Japanese person on the other end... they ring more than seven times without hanging up. Or it could be Matthew.... and I swear he was becoming more Japanese everyday.
Regardless... it was Shibata-sensei, but he never said his name. I'm the one saying the Japanese words... Hmmm... maybe I'm turning Japanese? Probably. I think I repeatedly bowed to the phone while I was talking.
"An-do-ryu-sensei?"
"Hai (yes.)"
"It's done."
"I thought you said it was done before?"
"It's done now. Good night."
"Oyasuminasai (Good night)."
I hung up, turned on the television and had a long swig of Coke.
I never saw Junko again. I'm unsure if she saw me again.
By the way... if I had seen what Junko was wearing - or rather NOT wearing this evening, I would have taken on those three guys myself to stop them from having her stalk me. Any girl who dresses like that can stalk me any day.
Somewhere wondering what I have done,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Led Zeppelin: BACKTOSCHOOLIN'
PS: Just to let me know that there are other women in the world, along with see Ashley, and being hit on by Sarah, today I received in the mail a package from Kristine in Shiga-ken, a letter from a very beautiful adult student of mine who moved away to Ibaraki-ken - Yumiko Ebe, and a letter from Juanita back in Toronto.  Yet... I'm still by myself again, and despite opinions to the contrary, I don't take any satisfaction from that.
PPS: I love France. In fact... earlier this evening, I saw England. I saw France. I saw Junko's underpants.
I know... what's the big deal when I've already seen her naked so many times - but she sure looked sexy!  I miss her her sexy knock on my door... and that sexy way she rings my doorbell. Yes... you just put your finger on the button and press... but she had a way of making it look... sexy. I'm done. I'm going to bed now.

Obsession

It's Wednesday, July 2, 1991.
Junko remains my dirty little secret.
She spent the night. We don't sleep. She's either quit university or she's taken an unscheduled break to stalk me. Are you supposed to sleep with someone who stalks you?
Apparently you do if they look like Junko - I still haven't had time to take a photograph of her, as we tend to get right down to business as soon as she enters my apartment. I notice stuff like that.
Anyhow... here's are the particulars: She's 21 years-old, a Cancer (no kidding - a perfect match for me the Scorpio!), AB Negative blood like myself, 5'-4" and slender, but has curves in all the right places, and at about 110-pounds - even I can pick her up. She's a B-cup, but honestly, I've never cared about that. She's very smart, has a good sense of humour, is a sharp, stylish dresser without looking like a freak in a fashion show... in short, she's the type of woman any heterosexual guy is going to stop and eye-hump, and every woman is going to either admire or hate.
Me? I'm sure if anyone ever saw me with her they would be wondering if I'm hung like a pony or if I'm rich.
Since I'm neither - I'm not rich and I'm not poor - and like most people wish I had more - she must be into me for my semi-dazzling looks and fantastic sense of humour. I can often come across as being the John Holmes of wit.... which doesn't explain why all we do is have sex... but I do have a very large wit.
Hee-hee! Sometimes I can't believe my luck. Here's this gorgeous university student chasing after me. Her English is superb, and she's beautiful. I know, I said that... but it bears repeating.
She's just what I need after spending a frustrating night with Ashley. Frustrating because there was no sex involved with my ex-girlfriend.... which considering Junko seems to know where I am and with whom, it was probably a good thing that nothing happened between Ashley and myself last night.
Cripes! Can you imagine?! Junko probably would have swooped in and beat the crap out of her with a kendo stick (wooden Japanese fencing sword). She's like a ninja - always where you least expect her, ready to pounce. Except... Junko and I broke up because she was going back to school.
Of course... I broke up with Ashley, but that didn't seem to matter until she broke up with me three days later.
Do I dare wait until Junko breaks up with me? 

So... do I stick with someone who is a jealous sexual psychopath or try and get back with Ashley who only likes me as a friend right now? Or simply go it alone? There's always Kristine 500 kilometres away... but as much as I adore her, I'd rather not just have sex - I want a relationship!
Anyhow... the answer is obvious - the sexual psychopath. I really, really, really enjoy the sex. Okay, forget that part about my reasons for not seeing Kristine. I'm really pretty much a horn dog.
Convenience over sanity seems to be my mantra.

However... despite the fringe benefits of being with Junko in a very draining relationship, I do worry that this girl may be throwing away her entire life for me. Sex is fine, but we've not been out together further than the walls of my apartment here in Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.
Surely a woman this gorgeous, sexual and sexually-active has had other boyfriends? I wonder where she dumped the bodies?
Unless, I'm the only one she's ever been like this to? My ego says that's the case, but I have a bad habit of being rational (I know, I know), and realize this 'relationship' is going to be a problem.
For one thing, I don't sleep any more. That's going to affect my work, not to mention my ability to manufacture semen. Probably not, but the work thing is important.
While it's true my reason for life was to get laid - and Japan fulfilled that... but I've discovered there is more to life than that, and I'm afraid Junko is not going to let me experience anything outside of my apartment... although we are up to Page 47 of the Kama Sutra.
I need to figure out what to do. Eventually...
Junko dehydrates me. Which is both good and bad and leaves at 7:45AM.
I have 15 minutes to dress and get to Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) by 8AM - a fortunate 10 minute bicycle ride away.
It seems that no matter how much cologne I put on, I still smell Junko. Combine that with my permanent-grin, people are going to know what I've up to.
It's chilly today, but there's never enough wind to blow away the smell of sex, is there?
I don't have many classes to teach - just two - and are both with Shibata-sensei - so the classes are fun. I do three crosswords in 30 minutes between classes. Even though I washed my face when I got to school - and twice more after that, I can still smell sex. Is it on my clothes? In my nose? Maybe.  
In class, after Shibata-sensei gives the students back their results, we play Word Scramble with these third year (grade 9) students. I provide Canadian pennies as presents. Cheap yes, but none have ever seen one before, so it's a 'cool' prize for them.
Shibata-sensei quietly smiles and pats me on the back as he says: "You smell very pretty. Anyone I know?" Then he bursts out laughing, mouthing the word "Junko". I nod in pride and embarrassment.
Not surprisingly, my neck and back are killing me. Damn Kama Sutra positions #43 through #47!I go to my back doctor and then await Kanemaru-san to pick me up and take me to the Ohtawara kyudo (archery) club. I shoot like a guy who's shot a lot - tired. Junko.
I'm wearing shorts and am bitten by a lot of mosquitoes - because I am bug bait. Insects love my tasty Coca-Cola filled blood.
On the plus side, Kanemaru-san just so happens to have some anti-itching medicine that while smelly, works. I wonder if he has an anti-Junko cream - but I don't ask or tell him about Junko.
At home, I talk with MariAnn for awhile - she's feeling better about life (thank goodness). I then talk with Jeanne - a fellow JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Program teacher like MariAnn and myself and find out about some Utsunomiya-shi (City of Utsunomiya party). She's a nice, but dry, French-Canadian who lives in the same low-level apartment block as Ashley. They are both private people, so my inquiries into Ashley's business reveal nothing new - just that she seems more withdrawn than usual - if that is possible.
That's the thing about Jeanne. You think she's dry and then she drops witty and wry observations like that.
I talk on the phone with them while watching some videos from back home in Toronto and eat burned popcorn (stupid microwave).
Matthew comes over at 10PM - because that's what he does... probably figures I'm depressed and likes to check up on me. It's appreciated.
I don't tell him about Junko either, because I'm embarrassed that I'm still chasing or pining after Ashley when I have this hot Japanese babe throwing herself at me.
We watch Blade Runner and he leaves around 12AM. As usual, he brings snacks and beer and Coca-Cola. He knows me.  
Thirty seconds after he leaves, my doorbell rings. You know who it is before I do, don't you? It's Junko.
I'm going to die from dehydration and lack of sleep.

Somewhere dying with a smile on my face,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Animotion. I always loved this song for its really cool keyboards... but I never paid much attention to the lyrics until I wrote this blog. I think I am Junko's OBSESSION. I had never seen the video before!
PS:
Lyrics are below:
You are an obsession, I cannot sleep
I am a possession unopened at your feet
There is no balance, no equality
Be still I will not accept defeat

I will have you, yes I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly
I will collect you and capture you

(CHORUS)
You are an obsession, you're my obsession
Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me
[repeat]

I feed you, I drink you by day and by night
I need you, I need you by sun or candlelight
You protest, you want to leave
You say there's no alternative

Your face appears again, I see the beauty there
But I see danger, stranger beware
A circumstance in your naked dreams
Your affection is not what it seems

(CHORUS)
My fantasy has turned to madness
All my goodness has turned to badness
My need to possess you has consumed my soul
My life is trembling, I have no control

I will have you, yes I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly
I will collect you and capture you

(CHORUS [repeat to fade])

The Choice Of A New Nihon-jineration

There's been a battle between Coca-Cola and Pepsi for a long, long time. Regular readers know my preference, so I'm not going to toot one company's horn here in this particular blog.
Instead... I thought you would like a peek to see what these two mega soft-drink giants have been doing over in Japan.
To be honest, Coca-Cola has had - to my knowledge just one terrible Coke-based softdrink only available in Japan. That's the Green-Tea Coke. Available for a limited time in the summer of 2009, Coca Cola (Japan) Co. said it contained tea antioxidants called catechins that leaves a slight green tea aftertaste. Why? The cola targeted at health-conscious women in their 20s and 30s. Why? I ask again. Apparently Coke said it "wanted to cater to people who are looking for something that tastes good but is also good for health and beauty.”
Let's look at Pepsi... who have been working hard to corner the market on exotic Pepsi Cola flavours in Japan.

Also released in 2009, Pepsi Cola released it basil-flavoured Pepsi Shiso. Yeesho! This was a limited flavour of Pepsi Cola. What the heck is shiso? Apparently - and I had to look it up (always a bad sign if the drink you are drinking is made from something you have never heard of in 40+ years of soft-drink imbibing) is a mint-like herb. Pepsi Shiso smells like mint, pine and fennel. Kind of like a floor cleaner. Taste-wise, people say it was soapy and perfume-like - but who the heck is drinking perfume to know what that tastes like? Going into the mouth, it has a pine-flavour, followed by a mint-like aftertaste. Geez. It too sold out very quickly. Perhaps consumers have a lot of floors that need disinfecting.


In 2007, Pepsi released Cucumber Pepsi, and in 2008 Blue Hawaii Pepsi. 

The Cucumber Pepsi is a combination of cucumber and cola. d'uh. Unfortunately, reports have it that there wasn't much cola flavour, with the artificial cucumber flavour taking centre stage. It was often described as sweet and fruity... which is surprising considering the cucumber is a vegetable. Apparently it's okay for a few sips - until the god-awful aftertaste kicks in. It sold out in less than a month in Japan - proving that some people will drink anything.
The Blue Hawaii Pepsi was based on the Blue Hawaii alcoholic drink. I lived in Japan for quite a while and spent most of that time in a bar or three... not once did I come across anyone drinking a Blue Hawaii. We had a Kamakazi's - which attacked American ships in World War II, but despite the Imperial Army wanting Hawaii, I never saw the common populace clamour for this drink.  

The alcoholic drink is made up of: rum, pineapple, Blue Curacao, vodka and some sort of sweet and sour mix. It also comes with a giant umbrella just in case it wasn't masculine enough for you.
Pepsi's version, I'm betting, did not come with rum or Blue Curacao. It had a pineapple and lemon flavour that was sweet and artificial... still... people bought all of it - and probably drank it and had blue pee.
Oh... and just to make sure Japan also got a healthy soda pop, Pepsi also released a limited edition of Pepsi White in the winter of 2008.
Guess what's in it to make it white? No... not snow. Whiteout? You wish. No... this is a mixture of cola and... yogurt.

Surprisingly... it was not that bad... just a little weak in the yogurt flavour. Even now, nearly two-and-a-half years later, no one is sure whether any real live yogurt bacteria were harmed in the creation of this softdrink. Yougurt in a softdrink is not that rare out in Asia, so this one was very well received by the Japanese.

In 2010, Pepsi was at it again, and in October released its limited edition tastefest... Pepsi Mont Blanc. While my first thought was that it might taste like a PEN, but instead, it tasted like... chestnuts. The Mont Blanc this Pepsi drink is inspired by, is either a mountain in Quebec, Canada,  or the one in Italy that is the highest mountain in The Alps. Being Canadian I'll assume the former. But knowing me, assume I'm wrong.
Pepsi Mont Blanc's chestnut flavour was apparently inspired by a famous Mont Blanc dessert that is made with pureed chestnuts and whipped cream. Wikipedia has a note on it HERE. But despite the name meaning 'White Mountain'... the photo in Wikipedia shows a chocolate topping.
Pepsi Japan also released the awe-inspiring Pepsi Baobab for 2010.
I know. What the fug is a baobab? Apparently it's the fruit from a baobab tree that is native to Madagascar, Africa and Australia. Okay... so this is a flavour the Japanese know and love. Not.
Really? Who comes up with these flavours for the Japanese? Usually the Japanese are very adventurous folks and will eat anything - as long as it's Japanese. But baobab? How heck are the Japanese going to ask for a baobab? I can't even type it let alone say it!
According to those who have tasted it and lived to tell the tale, Pepsi Baobab has a pleasant and light citrus scent. Its flavour is also light, starting off with orange and then followed with a grapefruit-ish back end. Despite it being a 'cola', there is little actual cola taste, as the chestnut flavour seems to dominate. But, either the tongue gets used to the taste and finds it disturbing, or perhaps the artificial baobab flavouring changes when the beverage gets a little warm - but apparently it's yucky. You are advised to chug it cold.
For 2011 - No one is sure what Pepsi has in mind. Coca-Cola... thank goodness, has not seen fit to continue playing this taste abomination game with the Japanese.
Why the hell are these companies - and Burger King, too (see this BLOG) - playing with the Japanese people?

Somewhere wishing I had a bottle of Coke Clam - well, Diet Coke Clam - because I'm toning my mussels,
Andrew Joseph
PS: Background on this blog entry's title: Pepsi marketed itself once as "the choice of the new generation". Nihon-jin is what the Japanese call themselves... I just mixed up Nihon-jin with generation. Everybody can stop laughing now at how witty I am.
PPS: I'm sure Pepsi will once again come up with an interesting new limited time-only soft drink for 2011. But since even Coca-Cola seems nice enough to have stopped making crazy concoctions for the Japanese - I can only hope Pepsi will come to its senses too. After earthquakes, a tsunami and radiation concerns, haven't the people of Japan suffered enough? Personally... I think it's just the gaijin (foreigners) who are buying this kitschy crap. I would try a Pepsi Mont Blanc, however.

Hello

It's Saturday, June 22, 1991.
I'm in Utsunomiya-shi (City of Utsonomiya), the capital of Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) with my ex-girlfriend Ashley of Augusta, Georgia. We're staying at Susan St. Cyr's place in anticipation of a trip to Tokyo Disneyland today.
Back in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City) where I've been living since August of 1990, I left behind my girlfriend of the week - Junko - whose last name I don't know. We met at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School), one of the seven junior high schools I teach at in Ohtawara-shi. Junko was just there for the week, as she's a university student studying to be a teacher. She's 21, sexy, Japanese and so very much in lust or love with me.
I'm in lust with her - but she has to go back to school on Monday - wherever the heck that is. If she told me, I don't remember.
She begged me to come to Disneyland with me - but I said no. I didn't want to cause any problems between her, myself and Ashley, as I was still trying to get sex from my ex... not get back together as boyfriend and girlfriend.
I have NO idea why. Junko and I did the wild thing so many times between meeting on Monday and the last time on I saw her on Thursday, that would impress a porn star or a hooker.
So why would I want Ashley?
I'm going to keep asking myself that question for a few blogs more, if you all don't mind.
It's raining today - why? Because I'm traveling in Japan. I am already known as Ame Otoko (Rain Man) by the Japanese. Ye-ahhh, definitely going to rain. Definitely rain. Rain. Rain.
I was drunk the night before and in a piss-poor moody toward pretty much all women - still, I drag myself up at 9AMm and we're all out the door at 10AM.
We get on a Shinkansen (bullet train) and travel to Ueno-eki (Ueno station) in Tokyo. We then take a bus to Disneyland.
All the time on the bus, David (another AET = assistant English teacher) and Susan are asking Ashley and I if we really want to go - either because they know we are angry at each other or because they don't want to go either. But... I'm saying "yes". So's Ashley.
Susan and David sit beside each other - leaving Ashely with me. We begin to chat and then start goofing around - like friends.
At Disneyland we get in line to go on Space Mountain. Since it's raining, the line up is only 55 minutes long. That's sarcasm.
Everyone Japanese seems to be wearing plaid. It's funny  - and we all start making plaid jokes - none of which I remember. Sorry. I guess you had to be there.

I don't know about you, but I have never been on a roller coaster before - which is what Space Mountain is. Still - since everyone else wants to - I have to pretend to be brave.  
And you know what? It was great! Trying to act brave around a woman seemed to actually make me brave! I want to go again.
David, however... it wipes him out and needs to take a break. Wimp.
Susan, Ashley and I head for Alice's Tea Cup ride (from Alice In Wonderland - my favourite book!). You sit in a giant teacup and the cup and the other seven teacups (a platter) all spin round and around... and then I discovered that if you spin the wheel in the middle of the teacup, your teacup will do revolutions independent of the whole spinning platter of cups.
Being a devious bastard, I spin it hard and fast in an effort to make the women tipsy. So Ashley will be forced to use me as a crutch.
I spun it so hard and fast that I was sure they were going to be falling all over the place when we got out. Unfortunately, I did it too much  so that it felt like my brain flipped upside down in my skull.
When it stopped... I crawled out. Literally on my hands and knees. Everyone thought the big dumb Andrew was faking because he's a joker.
Nope.
My head pounded like it was being hit by a brick and I felt like throwing up. It was worse because I had already eaten two large hot dogs and had a large Coke  - so I had plenty of ammunition in my gut!
Yeah. David's the wimp. I was taken out by Alice in Wonderland's Tea Cup ride. How freaking embarrassing.
While Ashley, Susan and David run off to the nurse's station to get me some help - yes I was that bad - I decide I need to go to the washroom.
I walk around for five minutes and find a men's room - go in, pee, and walk out and...
I am jumped on by Junko!
She has her arms around my neck and her legs wrapped around my waist and is trusting her tongue deep into my mouth.
At first I don't know who the hell is kissing me, but it doesn't stop me from trying to grab her butt. I don't stop kissing either.
Any port in a storm... and it is raining.
I open my eyes and try to focus in on the woman sucking on my tonsils... okay... it is Junko.
I'm not delirious am I? Did Alice's Tea Cup ride push me down the rabbit hole? What is it that the Doormouse said?
"Junko?! What the hell are you doing here?!" I cried in happiness and shock and perhaps a bit from being queasy.
"Hello Andrew! I missed you my one true love," she said.
Uh-oh. I missed her too, but I didn't stalk her. What the hell is she doing in Tokyo Disneyland? And did she just call me her 'one true love'?
I've got to get out of here.
Cripes! Ashley! She'll be back soon and will probably be wondering why I have a Japanese woman stuck to my groin!
Junko is scaring the crap out of me.
But... being a horny guy, I'm obviously excited to see her, if you know what I mean.
To foil that part of my brain... I start to question Junko... but not here in front of the men's room!
I hold onto her butt and start to move with her...
"Are we going in the men's washroom Andrew lover?"
Who taught her to talk like this?!
That person was a very good teacher - but dammit this is bad timing.
I do, however, consider taking her into the men's washroom and having sex with her - after all... Donald Duck is my hero because he doesn't wear pants! But no... there's a lot of pee on the floor.
Men's rooms look, feel and smell like men's rooms all over the world. Pee on the floor. Apparently man DID evolve from the ape!
Instead, I walk her to the back of the building containing the men's room and push her back up against the brick wall. She's excited because she thinks we're going to do it in public - but I'm just not that well at the moment... and I need to put her down. With a tranquilizer if possible... but on the ground to give my arms and back a break.
I ask her if she has been following me?
She says "No!"
But then she added that "the place you stayed in last night was very small." And then she asked "Who is that woman you stayed with last night?"
Holy crap! She is stalking me!
Fatal Attraction! Here in Disneyland. Oh my gawd! She's going to kill Ashley! Who fried Roger Rabbit?* (see the PS for this joke).

Somewhere my shoes smell like pee,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Lionel Ritchie. Have you ever listened to the LYRICS? Ugh!
PS: In the movie Fatal Attraction, the stalker boils a pet rabbit. I'm in Disneyland - the animated flick Who Framed Roger Rabbit is a Disney movie... I made a pun of the Roger Rabbit title. Very funny, indeed.
PPS: Oh, Junko. Please don't kill anybody. My life is never going to be free of insane women, is it? I'm not secretly seeking them out, am I? Oh well... it beats being dull and not having anything to write about in this blog! Tune in tomorrow when I continue the adventure.

Windy

It's 2:49AM, Wednesday June 19, 1991. The sexy Japanese university student named Junko lies naked beside me in bed.
We met on Monday, as she and a bunch of other university studentsvisited Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School - aka Dai Chu)to see what it's like to be a real teacher. 
Despite the awesomeness of the past two nights with this tigress--shekeeps coming back for more--I have no idea what her last name is - andI'm well beyond asking her - especially if I want more.
I think I do.
I was actually asleep and woke up from a dream. A dream I had about Ashley.... which made me horny again.
Now looks-wise, while Ashley was cute, but Junko looked like she could be a lingeriefashion model - but I hardly ever saw her in lingerie. Unfortunately, I knew my relationship (physical) with Junko was going tolast as long as she was in town... she had to be back at her universityby next Monday. Wherever the heck that was.
I was 26-years-old to her 21 - and while writing about having sex with a21-year-old now in 2011 when I'm 46 seems strange, I never even gave it a secondthought back in 1991. I just thanked my lucky stars I didn't have agirlfriend this week.
So... why was I dreaming about Ashley? Looking at what popped up, I'mpretty sure I knew what I wanted from her. Oh well. No sleep for Junko.
No need to wake-up, we roll out of bed at 6:15AM, have separate showers, look at each other and then get dirty again.
I kick her out at 7:30AM - she shouldn't be seen leaving my place - notthat I'm embarrassed - actually, quite the contrary... I just don'twant any students at Dai Chu to see her leave my place... then she'llget talked about, and I don't want her to feel shamed by anyone.Although... I'm pretty sure she doesn't care, as she leaves myapartment wearing one of my dress shirts.
It's so obviously my shirt. Not only is it a man's shirt, It's purple -and no Japanese man would ever wear anything like what I wear.
Shunning Junko's offer of a drive to school (again, people talk in thistown - already my boss Hanazaki-san (Mr. Hanazaki) seems to know I'veslept with this hot tamale. We're not that loud, are we? Besides... we'd probably never even make it to Dai Chu.
At school - considering I've just had sex with a woman who should be afashion model - everything is great! The students are nice to me. Themale teachers are looking at me with awe, while some of the womenteacher's are giving me the squint eye--like they know who I'm sleepingwith and are wondering if I'm the predator or if Junko is. I think theyknow it's Junko, as one of the teachers comments (in English) "NiceShirt-o" to Junko. She says it loudly, glances at me and goes off tomake o-cha (green tea) for all of the male teachers.
I don't get any from her, but that's only because Junko has already brought me a cup, gently blowing on it to cool it down.
I'm pretty sure that blowing on the gaijin's (foreigner's) tea is a Japanese social faux pas - I don't care because Junko doesn't care.
What the hell is her last name?
Man - if only Ashley could see me with her!
During my classes, I talk with the idiot students who weren't nice tome a few days ago - but even their attitude toward me is softened toone of awe and respect as they seem to know I'm boinking the hotuniversity student-teacher, Junko.
At 4PM, I head to my back doctor for some quick adjustments - Junko andthe rest of the teachers have a meeting beginning at that time.
I stop off and get a bottle of Coca-Cola and head back to my place wondering what I'm going to eat for dinner.
As I open the door, step in and close it, a gentle rapping ensues. It's Junko.
Well, I guess I know what's for dinner.
She brought food, too.
When we're done, we eat dinner and tell her that it looks like tonightmight be our last night together. I'm busy tomorrow night, and onFriday I made plans to go to Disneyland with my ex-girlfriend Ashleyand a few other Tochigi-ken JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching)Programme people.
Despite the prospect of not being with Junko this weekend, I'm looking forward to spending it with Ashley.
I am so screwed up in the head.
I tell her what I am doing this weekend and with whom. Even thoughshe's not from Ohtawara, she knows who Ashley is. Junko begs me to lether come with me to Disneyland.
World's are colliding.
In 2011, I look back at this moment and realize this woman would havedone anything for me. Anything... she would have come with me toToronto, we could have started a family and she could have made moneyas a model... Not only is Junko super sexy, sexual and smart - shespeaks English very well. And, she doesn't seem crazy.
I reaffirm the 'no' answer, as I'm afraid she is either falling for me too quickly, or she's a lot more than just crazy in bed.
She is about to leave my place at 9PM so that I can do some laundry and iron some shirts. Junkogave me back my shirt and wore the one she had on from yesterday whichshe had hidden under my bedroom pillows. Oh and when she puts onyesterday's clothing, I notice she didn't wear any form of underwear atschool today... She'll never be a lingerie model with an attitude like this!
I think I'm going to run out of condoms...
She's still at my place when the doorbell rings at 10:30PM and Matthew beginspounding on the door. Junko says she'll answer it for me, but I pushher naked body back into my room and tell her to be quiet.
Matthew just popped over to say hi - use my washroom - and then stagger home after an enkai (party).
I have no idea why I was hiding Junko - perhaps to keep her to myself.
While Junko and I watch a television show about porno stars in thecountry - and why is this only on when Junko is around? And man is there alot of nudity in this program - I have to make a few phone calls.
I don't know about you, but I find talking to other women on the phonedifficult when I'm straddled by a 21-year-old sex goddess. Still, Italk to Melissa and Mari Ann and discuss plans for Canada Day in Tokyo asMari Ann invites me to a celebration at the Canadian embassy -I have no idea how she got that invite. We need to find out if Matthewcan be my guest, and if Melissa can be Mari Ann's, as she and I are thetwo Canadians.
Meanwhile, Junko is being Junko on top of me. She's feeding me food while she rocks my world.
I call Ashley - while Junko is entertaining me - and tell her about the final plans for our trip toDisneyland on Saturday (we're spending the evening at Susan St. Cyr'splace on Friday).
Why am I calling and thinking about Ashley et al when I have a Junko food craving?
Can I have my cake and eat it too?

Somewhere Junko doesn't need sleep when she's with
Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is by The Association... Junko reminds me of WINDY - breezy and easy.

PS: Wasn't that wicked of me to call Ashley while I was under Junko? It was. Being evil can be fun!

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

You might be wondering when things are going to get a bit exciting. Well... it's not today. Sorry.
I'm going to combine two day's into this one blog - but get ready... things will start to get a bit heated, as I plan, plot, play and plumb the depths to get what I want - which is laid again.
For those of you who are new to the site, it's currently June 14, 1991. I'm an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme living in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) here in Japan. I teach at seven junior high schools - one per week - for four days, and spend a fifth day in the offices of the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) writing up a report that takes me 10 minutes to do and then spend a few hours writing short stories and letters to family and friends back home in Toronto. The rest of the time is spent figuring out how I'm going to get laid - or occasionally studying Japanese or going on mini excursions with my friends at the OBOE. Sometimes after work, we have parties (IE booze fests, where the Japanese constantly test the upper limits of a gaijin's (foreigner's) alcoholic intake - which I have yet to peak at. And that is a scary thought.
I've certainly been laid since arriving in Japan. Not prior to it, unfortunately.
I'm currently 26 years old and have been in Japan for nearly a year. I met my girlfriend Ashley of Augusta, Georgia, USA, on my third night in Japan in Tokyo. I met Kristine - a Japanese-American babe on the second night - and while we have not slept together as of this writing (1991), she is never far from my thoughts.
Ashley took my virginity - and while I lasted a good 45 minutes (I timed myself!), my seeming expertise made her think I was lying about being a virgin. What guy would ever lie about something like that??!! I can talk about it to you all now because well, quite frankly I'm doing alright. I've only had four women, but the future is the future - I can always get more. I suppose you could say I have an appetite for destruction.  
I've had a good time in Japan, however there is only thing spoiling my fun - and that it is the frustration I often felt from having a girlfriend who continually broke up with me and then got back to me as easily as changing one's dirty underwear. I was that dirty underwear... and after each break up I'd swear I'd never get back to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune... It's like... I hate you, but since there's no one else available, lets get back together. She may never have thought that, but I did.
Prior to now, I had only gone three days without having a girlfriend or a girl friend for the evening. Hey... I'm not Charlie Sheen, but for some reason, I've been doing okay here in this Japanese Disneyland.... and I have no idea why. Perhaps it's because no one knows me here, and I can be anyone I want to be. In this case, I've chosen to be more self-confident. I think.
Actually, since arriving in Japan - and wanting a girlfriend - I knew that darn near every guy was going to start chasing Japanese tail. It's a fringe benefit of arriving in the country - and I think as a hetero guy, it's something you are expected to do.
Well... I didn't do that. I figured - correctly - that with all the guys chasing the Japanese women, there might be an opportunity for a guy to set himself up with all of the foreign women (non-Japanese) in Japan.
Most foreign women did not want to date a sexist Japanese man (that is a viewpoint more correct than not) - so they could either go cold turkey (or whatever they call a dildo), or there was me... the only guy not chasing Japanese women.
Part of my reasoning was that there would be a comfort level in dating someone who could speak English.
Ashley was chosen because she chose me, and happened to live a mere 20 minute bicycle ride away. Convenience, I suppose. It was easier than having to learn a whole new language. Though I did have to learn woman-speak. "Fine" does not mean "okay". That's all you need to know.
Regular readers will already know that while I still preferred convenience, I did also try the local cuisine, if you know what I mean - and I think you do.
The second woman I slept with was a Japanese physical education teacher at one of my schools. It was a one or two-time deal, but it made for a charged atmosphere whenever I visited that school. You could smell the sex in the air.
There you have it...  a re-cap of what's been going on in this blog for some 385+ entries. Oh yeah... I also have adventures about town. Do stupid things, observe stupid things and learn that the Japanese are every bit as normal - or whacked out as I am.... perhaps just a tad more polite.

Again... It's June 14, 1991.
Friday.
It's an office day at the OBOE. I send off a few packages - like a video to Kristine; one to Melissa; and a book to Tim. Since Kristine was the one I really adored - she got the better video from me - it was just a bunch of television shows my family had sent to me so that I wouldn't turn completely Japanese from not understanding Japanese television.
I write a few letters and stories and head home at 5PM.
I try to clean up my apartment - unsuccessfully. Which is bizarre. I have a three-bedroom L-D-K, with two balconies... I had a girlfriend (Ashley) up until two Saturday's ago... but really, aside from Matthew, a couple of workers installing my air-conditioner, my boss, a friend's dad to act as translator, the superintendent, and a few hundred spiders on my north balcony - no one has come over.
What have I been doing with my time? I think I've been spacing out.
This evening, I play a few video games, drink a 2-litre bottle of Coke, eat a block of cheese and then fart a lot.
Truly a boring day. 
I miss Ashley.

It's Saturday, June 15, 1991.
I'm up at 8:30AM. I'm exhausted for doing all of that nothing - but perhaps more from not doing anything. I'm still farting from all of that cheese, though.
I get up and do some laundry. It's what I do when I'm depressed. Ironing, too. That's when I'm really down. The farting I can do when I'm depressed or happy. It does make me a bit happier, though.
Matthew comes over and we head down to the capital of Tochigi-ken, Utsunomiya-shi (Utsunomiya City), and go to the new Robinson's department store and then see the movies: My Blue Heaven and Presumed Innocent. The first was so-so, the latter, very good.
Oh... when I left my apartment in Ohtawara with Matthew, we rode to Nishinasuno-eki (Nishinasuno train station), where I happened to part right beside my ex - Ashley's bike.
In my head, I planned to steal her good luck traffic charm from her bike when I got back - I would have done it then, but our train was arriving and we had to really run to catch it!
Anyhow... Matthew and I check out the stores. I buy three CDs, a couple of books and I almost bought a Nintendo Super Famicon video game system. Almost. It would have been an upgrade on my Sega Gamegear hand-held device.
We eat dinner - hop on the train home - but unfortunately, Ashley has beaten us home - she's long gone. She must have noticed my over-sized novelty bicycle parked on top of hers (just like old times - nudge-nudge, wink-wink).
Matthew and I head to the video store - he rents Commando, I rent Total Recall and go our separate ways back in Ohtawara.
I chat on the phone with Kristine a bit and then watch the movie, clean-up - this time for sure, and pass out at 1AM.
It's getting easier to sleep now that I'm over Ashley.

Somewhere wondering who stole MY bicycle good luck charm - ASHLEY!!
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Paul Anka: HARD
PS: Tomorrow and onward, things start to heat up for your old pal Andrew - or, he's going crazy from the heat.
PPS: Plus there will be another blog entry - eight hours from the publication of this one - discussing the injection of Nitrogen into the nuclear reactor core in Fukushima-ken's Dai-ichi facility. It's full of learny stuff that make ya real smart, yup.
PPPS: I made up the word learny - it's a variation of the word 'learned' pronounced 'lur-ned'.

Do Earthquakes Cause Volcanic Eruptions?

Mt. Sakura-jima in Kagoshima-ken - back in the 1930's. Collection of Andrew Joseph

Was Japan's volcano eruption linked to its earthquake?
The March 13, 2011 eruption of the Shinmoedake volcano hundreds of miles away may be linked to the Sendai quake of March 11, 2011, but can it be proven?
While one could affect the other, proving it is difficult.

The Shinmoedake volcano on Japan's southern island of Kyushu, 1,529 kilometres (950 miles) from the epicenter of 9.0 Magnitude Sendai earthquake, exploded ash and rocks up to one kilometre (2.5 miles) into the air on March 13. The volcano had begun its pattern of eruptions on Jan. 19 and several times afterward, most recently February 1 - until it's major eruption two days after the earthquake.
But, its this re-eruption just two days after the massive earthquake that has scientists (and me) wondering if the earthquake could have triggered this latest volcanic eruption,

"The last explosion event at Shinmoedake may be triggered by the shock of the earthquake," opines Nakada Setsuya (surname first) of the Earthquake Research Institute at the University of Tokyo. "Nobody can verify the relationship, however."
While no one can verify it, there is supposed to be a relationship between earthquakes and volcanoes - at least in principal.

Especially with a large earthquake (The Sendai quake is tied for the fourth strongest in recorded history), it can trigger a volcano many hundreds of miles away - according to volcanologist Frank Spera.
"These things are kind of like snakes in a box. They're ready to go, so you wouldn't need a huge push to get it going," he states. "An earthquake of this magnitude could provide that. It's not outlandish.... It's like taking a hammer and just whacking a large bell; there's going to be vibrations. The bell will continue to ring for a while."An earthquake may activate a volcano in several ways:

1. the energy waves traveling through the ground may break up the hardened top of the volcano's magma reservoir, allowing the molten rock to escape;
2. the earthquake causes a movement of gas in the volcano's magma that may trigger an explosive eruption - like the shaking of a bottle of Coke causes bubbles to rise; 
3. stress caused by earthquake can squeeze magma reservoirs, pushing the magma to the surface.

The problem is actually observing this process, as of the more than 1,500 potentially active volcanoes on Earth, only 50 to 100 have multiple sensors on them that could allow volcanologists to know what's actually going on beneath the surface of a volcano.
However - having noted all this, keep in mind that the Indian Ocean earthquake on December 26, 2004 was measured between 9.1 and 9.3 Magnitude and nearly wiped out Indonesia - not a single one of its 129 active volcanoes erupted.
On the other hand, two days after Chile's 9.5 Magnitude  earthquake in 1960--the strongest earthquake of the 20th century--the Cordon-Caulle volcanoin the southern region of the country erupted after four decades ofinactivity.
The result? No one is sure if the Sendai quake caused the Shinmoedake volcanic eruption two days later. But hopefully it made for some interesting reading here.
And for the record, Japan has 106 active volcanoes.

Andrew Joseph
The photo above - of Mt. Sakura-jima, the 4th most dangerous active volcano because of its proximity to a city - was taken in the 1930s... it's not even the biggest eruption, as one in 1914 was a really devastating one. You can read more about this volcano: HERE.
The photo above is part of my personal collection - after I purchased a 1930s photo album at a garage sale in Utsunomiya-shi, Tochigi-ken back in 1991. It's my favourite purchase in Japan, and contains 184 photographs of the era. One of these days I'll scan them all in and show them all to you.

No Milk Today

Things aren't always they way they seem here in Japan.

In 1990 -  in very early August - in what would be my first excursion outside my home by myself, I headed to the local Iseya department/grocery store in Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) to buy some much needed necessities like Coke and food... in that order.

The place was a wonder... it was like the Walmart super retail stores, but with groceries. And, as an added bonus, there was not a man in sight... just women - all doing their grocery shopping - and little ol me. I was the only man in the place and certainly the only gaijin (foreigner), but to the credit of these folks, not one really gave me the 'look' or screamed out "Gaijin" at or near me. It was cool.

This was also the first time in my life i had ever gone grocery shopping. I know, I know... and the worst part is that I was almost 26-years-old. No wonder I was still a virgin!

I looked around, picked up some spaghetti, some ground beef, and tomato sauce. My apartment was already loaded up with spices thanks to my predecessor, so I pretty much had food for the next several days - if only I knew how to make spaghetti and meat balls or spaghetti and meat sauce.

I bought some cereal - would you believe they had Raisin Bran? Me either, but they did! I looked around for some milk, correctly surmising it would be in the refrigerated section, and picked up a large carton of chocolate milk - I'm nothing if not classy - not as classy as my wife, of course, who studies in the garage eating Cheezies and drinking Shiraz from a plastic cup.

Anyhow... I got to cashier, paid my bill, and rode my bicycle back to my apartment.

I unpacked and placed everything away and then thought about making spaghetti. I panicked and decided I would have cereal for dinner.

I grabbed a bowl, poured out my cereal and grabbed the milk and poured it on....

... only it wasn't chocolate milk. It wasn't milk at all.... whatever it was, it was watery... too watery to have come out of a cow - I hoped.

I dipped a finger into the soggy, ruined dinner and tasted it.... too watery to tell (why would I have expected it to not be watery anymore??!!)... it didn't seem to have any taste. So, classy guy that I am, rather than use the spoon I had set out for myself, I boldly and bravely grabbed the bowl and put it to my lips and slurped back the liquid.

Ugh!

I put the bowl down and stared at the open carton.

It was tea. Unsweetened, in fact. Good old brown tea... not even Japanese green tea.

Not wanting to go back to the supermarket to buy milk, I walked downstairs to the sake shop below my apartment and bought a bag of what I thought were thin slices of potato chips.

I brought it upstairs, cracked open the 2-litre bottle of cold Coca-Cola, took a swig, and opened up my chips. I grabbed a handful and threw them in my mouth.

It wasn't potato chips...

It was dried squid. It was very chewy and had a salty flavour to it.

And the really weird thing was, it was pretty good. I ate all of my dinner and, quite frankly, enjoyed it.

Somewhere wondering what to do about breakfast,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Herman's Hermits: DRYTHROAT. 

Lola

There's one thing that people notice about me almost right away - whether it's in Canada, the U.S. or here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

I love my Coca-Cola. I've been called the Coca-Cola kid because of my appetite for the liquid manna. I love the taste of it, and the refreshing aspect of it. My dream job back when I was 8, was to own a Coca-Cola bottling plant. Really.

I still get a perverse thrill when I see a Coca-Cola delivery truck pass me by.

It's funny... but the first thing I did on my own after moving into my apartment in Ohtawara-shi, was to slip downstairs into the alcohol/convenience store located two floors below my third-floor apartment. I picked up a two-litre bottle of Coca-Cola. 

I'm proud to state that even though I was living in a new country on a new continent, the Coca-Cola tasted exactly the same as it does back in Toronto. I've had Coca-Cola across the U.S., and I know it tastes different from locality to locality, and is certainly a lot different from what I get in Toronto. 

The folks at Coca-Cola might swear that's not true, but I have a very good tongue when it comes to discerning differences in my beverage of choice.

I've mentioned it before, but I can tell the difference between every type of Coke, Pepsi or other type of cola product.

The Japanese noticed that. I swear this is true. My co-workers at the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) office set up 12 different types of cola drinks in front of me one day. They dared me to figure out what was what. 

Tricky buggers that they are, four of the drinks were the same... and I actually put them to the side while I correctly guessed the rest. Those four drinks were all Coca-Cola - the original - and it took me 20 seconds to realize they were trying to trick me by having the same drink out there.

Needless to say, I won, and had four glasses of Coke. My fame was already spreading like a communicable disease at an orgy. 

Somewhere having a Coke and a smile,

Andrew Joseph  

Today's title is by The Kinks: COLA

PS: The photo of me above was taken on December 10, 2010 when I was lucky enough to visit a Coca-Cola bottling plant in Brampton, Ontario, just northwest of Toronto. No... despite a ton of butt kissing, they did not load the pallets of Coke into my car.

(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction

Japan is so very similar to Western society

Here's the best example I can think of at this very moment... coming to me... right...  ... now!

Not being a very good cook--though I (and Matthew) once got paid to teach a cooking class--we're professional cooks!--I have spent a lot of my life nearly killing myself with my own cooking, or have let someone else do it for me in the form of fast-food cooking.

As a Coke addict--that's Coca-Cola, my friends--I always have one when at a fast food joint like Kentucky Fried Chicken, McDonald's or the ever mysterious Mosburger (which was always delicious, and I miss - despite the following kvetch).

When I place my food order, I always ask for a large Coke--and I do it in Japanese: "Oki-sai Ko-ra, kudasai." (Large size Coke, please).

Why do the greasy clerks working there always (and I mean every, single time) ask me this: "L-sizu, desu ka?", which translates into: "L-size, is it?"

It seems that fast-food restaurants the world over have some level incompetence working for them.

What's even more bizarre is that there is NO letter "L" in the Japanese alphabets!

Somewhere having an L-sized Root Beer,
Andrew "I said I wanted a Coke" Joseph
Today's title version is by Devo - YELLOWJUMPSUIT
PS - Today is also the birthday of my Japanese girlfriend Nobuko. We were engaged. Got your attention, eh?
PPS - I will introduce her very soon - perhaps this week.

Godzilla

"Oh, no, they say he's got to go
Go go Godzilla"

I spent an inordinate amount of time in the washroom while in Japan.

Part of it was due to me imbibing copious quantities of alcohol, some of it was because I drank over two-litres of Coke everyday, and some of it was because I was eating a lot of strange foods that my body wasn't able to process for whatever reason.

Would I have liked to know what was wrong with me? Maybe. Maybe not. I tend to worry about things I hear about.

Regardless, Toto, a Japanese manufacturer of smart toilets, has created the Intelligence Toilet that also acts as a medical lab for those who really need to know if you are what you eat... or pee, as the case may be.

For you Johnny-Come-Lately's and those not in the know (me included), apparently Japanese toilets are known for their ability to be more than a sewage receptacle--armed with doohickeys and functions that seem like a good idea, but sound stupid when you read about them. For example: posterior shower jets; aromatic perfume bursts; and noise-masking audio effects for the easily-embarrassed (apparently it still sounds like a fart).

Because I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto's latest toilet offering provides an instant health check-up every time the potty user goes to the can. In other words... "pee in this."

Designed for the Japanese housing company Daiwa House in consideration of the country's growing senior population, new toilet provides urine analysis, takes the user's blood pressure and body temperature, and measures their weight with an inbuilt floor scale.

"Our chairman had the idea when he was at a hospital and saw people waiting for health checks. He thought it would be better if they could do the health tests at home," says Akiho Suzuki (who may or may not be the only female architect at Daiwa House).

It boggles the mind - and remember... I'm being serious here - she might be the only female architect in Japan - oh yeah, the toilet is pretty wicked, too.

Apparently there's a receptacle in the bowl to catch the pee that checks it for temperature and sugar content. As well, since I hope you are all sitting down now, there's an armband to monitor blood pressure with a wall-mounted screen providing a data readout.

"With the current model, your data is sent automatically to your personal computer, and then you can email it to your doctor," notes Suzuki stating that a next generation model will automatically send the data to family members or doctor via the Internet.

"Oh look, dear. Your father's urine is too sweet."
OR
"Ah, geez... that Yamaguchi-san is peeing again, Doctor."

The Intelligence Toilet can store data for you and the whole family (as long as it doesn't exceed five people) and is available in the Land of the Rising Moon, I mean, Sun for 350,000 to 500,000 yen ($4,100 to $5,850).

Somewhere wondering if you call a doctor, a plumber or an IT guy if you clog the toilet,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is brought to you by Blue Oyster Cult - MONSTERISLAND.

PS: I had the opportunity to try one of these toilets recently at the Japanese consulate. It turns out, I'm allergic to green peppers, cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli and lettuce. My blood sugars are high, but I'm okay... and apparently I have tennis elbow from too much... tennis? I don't play tennis.