Give Me Some Money

Guess what I've seen on television here in Japan? American icons in Japanese commercials that may never see the light of day outside of this country.

I saw Michael Jackson hawking a new Sega video game - Michael Jackson's Moonwalker. Yes, that's what I said, too. I asked my students about it - and while the one or two who knew what I was talking about and like the Thriller album, no tone said they wanted to buy or play that particular video game. Strangely enough, they were representative of the rest of the world. See the commercial here: CROTCHGRAB

The commercials over here are bizarre - picture if you will a beautiful  Japanese woman looking intently at a cup of noodles. She picks up her chopsticks with great aplomb and digs in with exuberance. She slurps them up really loudly. Disgustingly so. It kind of takes the sexiness of her right out of the equation. Apparently slurping up noodles loudly is a sign of... something. I have no idea. It's just something that is done by everyone here. Anyhow, I couldn't find that commercial, but here's a BETTER ONE .

I tried to fit in by slurping a bowl of noodles, but all I did was splatter liquid all over my shirts. Maybe I'll learn to slowly slurp and chew my noddles while making a slurping sound - to pretend I'm fitting in?

Or maybe I could just start drinking energy drinks to really be the life of the party. There's a commercial of Arnold Schwarzenegger hawking an energy drink called Alinamin V. He looks like a square at first (AET), is invited to drink, so he has the vitamin drink and turns into a superior drinker called the Terminator. Okay, not really, but check out the hair. It's like Coke in a bottle - cocaine, that is. Check it out: GOVERNOR

And then there's a commercial with Sylvester Stallone! Let me tell ya, no one over here will ever know he can't speak English. Yo! I don't even know what that ham is selling. ADRIAN!

Pierce Brosnan doing a Japanese cigarette commercial, I can understand - he's James friggin' Bond, and Bond at least smokes. SHAKEN

But check out these ads by David Lynch for Georgia Coffee - HERE. Georgia Coffee is owned by the Coca-Cola Company, and Georgia Coffee is a cold coffee with sugar and "cream/milk" in a thin can. I don't drink coffee circa 1990, but it is a fine cuppa joe. David Lynch created Twin Peaks - a very bizarre television show which had some air play in Japan for a few months in 1990.

Not much else to say at this time - just that even though I had previously thought Japan's television shows were warped, but so are its commercials - especially when American actors come over and hawk a product they've never heard of. It's pure Americana. It's also pure Japanese. I love it.

Take a look at this wonderful site for American-Japanese commercials: Blech.
Google for American actors Japanese commercials and see what you come up with.

Somewhere having an Alinamin V,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Spinal Tap - It Goes To 11