No Time

Time to grow up, according to Seiko.

Today, October 3, 1991 is a sports festival day here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. It's  something all of my junior high schools are participating in. As such, since I'm an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme, there is no need for me to go to school.



Unfortunately, I have to go in to the Ohtawara Board of Education Office (OBOE) instead of having a vacation day.



Anyhow, I could go to the school - in this case Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) and watch the events and have lunch there if I want to, but I decide not to. Eight hours watching others play sports kills me just a little bit inside.



Although I'm only 27, I am now nine years removed from playing my last game of soccer. Two years from my last game of baseball, and maybe 13 years from my last judo tournament. It hurts to watch others doing what I feel I should still be doing... if only I had more talent. I have the desire and the attitude for sports... but my dad's sports gene didn't get passed down 100 per cent. Maybe just 50 per cent. As such, I had to work my butt off to be any good at sports, and I did and I was... but effort will only carry one so far.



It's why I coached and am now a teacher. Those that can - do. Those that can't - teach. Those that can't teach - become guidance counselors.



At the OBOE office, I write eight letters to family and friends, and one to Kristine who lives out a mere 500 kilometres away in Shiga-ken. I tell them everything that is going on in my life. Not. Why bore them with how crappy my love life is, or how decent my sex life is. I would trade some of the sex life for a decent love life... but that doesn't seem to be something that is going to happen here. I need to get away from the gaijin women, and start moving forward with the Japanese women (Kristine is half-Japanese, so I'm unsure if I should try or not). It's just as well as I have my first date - a real date with Shoko (a student from my adult English class I teach), I think, with a Japanese woman... with  no expectations for sex.



At lunch I go out and buy a video game, but before that, I meet mister Yashiro-sensei, a teacher formerly with Kaneda Kit Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School) and now with Nishin Chu Gakko (Nishin Junior High School) in Kuroiso-shi (Kuroiso City) about 10 miles north of Ohtawara.



He is wandering around Ohtawara for some reason - the sports festival, I imagine.



As we begin talking, two of his students - both ah-mazingly cute 14-year-old girls come strolling over and begin asking me questions in English.



Since they ask in English, I have NO problem whatsoever in answering whatever they are going to ask.



It's the standard fare, however: my name, age, country I'm from (these girls live in Kuroiso, and while they may have heard of me, they may never have seen me), girlfriend status, blood type, and... wait for it... "Do you have a big penis?"



Yashiro-sensei and I fall to the ground in shock. When I nod my head in acquiescence, the cuter of the two  reaches up grabs me about the neck and kisses me on the cheek.



Yashiro-sensei and I both agree that she (and her friend) are going to be a lot of trouble for men in four more years. If not sooner.



Back at the OBOE, I write a few more letters and then head home at 5PM. I am sort of excited about my date with Shoko, and I force myself to calm down by trying to ignore all other stimuli by playing my Nintendo video games.



She rings my doorbell at exactly 6:30PM on the dot. The exact agreed upon time. You have to hand it to the Japanese... they are very precise with their time... it's like they invented it or something. Hmm, I do wear a Seiko watch... one that I bought in the Bahamas about eight years ago. (I still am wearing it, in fact, in 2011 - that's photo from today up at the top).



Shoko looks radiant. She's about 5'-8", and maybe 120 lbs. Wavy black hair just past her shoulders, has a large smile, sexy eyes. She's dressy, but not slutty, in keeping with her overall demeanor. In short... she is dressed for a date and not sex. Fine by me.



For some reason, I show her my new video game system, but step on a wire and break it, rendering it inoperable for the moment. She sudden;y remembers that Naoko (mutual friend) is waiting for us at the restaurant. Damn! I was really hoping we were going to have a date alone. Two is company, and three's a crowd!



I guess she figures we need help with our language skills - or she doesn't really want to date me. Crap. I think, crap. Shoko is nice, but is she the one for me, or merely the first one who has shown me any interest in anything other than sex?



Still... dinner is cool. Shoko eats like a bird, while I eat like the pig of a man that I am. We small talk. I teach them the words 'bitch' and 'bastard' and when it's all over, I pick up the check. I did ask them out. Well, actually, I only asked Shoko out. Whatever. It's only money.



The three of us then head fore the 4C bar. I have a beer and a couple of whiskey's! Blah! I hate whiskey. I guess my palette isn't grown up enough.



I chat with Mark, the New Zealand bartender and give him some money to get me a bottle of Southern Comfort. Ashley likes Southern Comfort.



(What the hell am I doing even thinking of her, when I'm sort of on a date with Shoko?) (It's not a date, is it?)



I chat with Naoko and Shoko - and then another friend of Shoko's joins us... Tomiko. She's very, very friendly - in that hi, An-do-ryu-sensei, I want to have sex with you kind of way. She's sukebi (a pervert) - but I have to admit, I find that charming. Or is it highly suggestive?



I flirt back with Tomiko, but damn it all.. I have to be a gentleman and be careful to mind that I am with Shoko!



At 11PM, we head home... or at least back to my apartment, where Naoko has parked her car. Shoko, and Shoko alone walks me back up to my apartment door.



I want to kiss her, but I don't. It didn't feel like a date, It felt like friends going out, and I wasn't alone with her. Friends don't kiss their friends - especially female friends. I don't really believe a man can be friends with a women without him thinking about screwing them.



I'm unsure if that's going to come as a shock to any of my female readers or not. It's just how I feel - and maybe not indicative of the entire male species.



Maybe I'll kiss Shoko the next time... if there is one.



I relieve some of my frustrations on the Nintendo video game system after I spend an hour re-wiring it. I have no idea how to re-wire anything, so I am merely satisfied that it works and that I didn't start a fire.



Somewhere looking to save a video game princess,

Andrew Joseph 

Today's blog title is by Canada's own Guess Who: SUMMERFRIEND

Any Way The Wind Blows

Welcome back to Wednesday, October 2, 1991. I'm Andrew Joseph, an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan, and I have to give a speech in two days to someone. I'm unsure if it's for the Ohtawara International Friendship Association or if its to all of the teachers and folks at the Ohtawara Board of Education Office (OBOE). It doesn't matter who it is for.



That's one of the drawbacks of not being able to speak Japanese... and one of the drawbacks of the JET Programme when people kind of sort of tell you you have to do things without really explaining the who, what, where, whens or whys of things. Maybe they did, but it sure wasn't in understandable English.



That's not their fault, nor is it a complaint. It's just the way things are here. It's really quite amusing, because although I am out-going, brash and funny, I wasn't always this way. I was shy, introverted and funny... I only reinvented myself before I left Toronto for Japan 14 months ago.



And now... I have to give a speech in a different country in front of many non-native English speakers, and you know what? It doesn't faze me in the least.



Since arriving here, I stand up and team-teach with a Japanese teacher of English every day. I also teach a night school English class for beginners, I've given a team-teaching lesson to other AETs, and spoken in front of other Prefectural (State/Province) people, all while maintaining my sense of humour, if not dignity.



Here as a JET, you adapt and flourish, or you don't and wither away. I don't wither... except when it comes to women. Then I'm putty in their hands. That's probably due to the fact that I had only started dating when I was 22 (I'm 27 now), and had not slept with a woman until about a month after arriving here.



In the 'having sex' department, I am flourishing.



At Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) - one of the seven junior highs I teach at weekly, I write my speech during the 2nd period. Shibata-sensei, a young, hip, good-looking English teacher who has a ton of female students in love with him, translates the speech during the 4th period. He's that good. Or my speech is that bad.



One of the teachers (not an English teacher) comes in at lunch and tries to valiantly translate an instruction manual for Sim City, a video game I purchased for my Nintendo Super Famicon video game system. The whole thing is in Japanese... the instructions, as well as the writing within the game. I'm afraid this will be one game I never play here. Oh well... screw the simulated city! I have a whole country yet to explore here in Japan!



Out of the woodwork, I meet a 15-year-old  girl who wrote a speech on pollution in Japan. She tells me this in perfect English, as she had spent the last four years of her life in England, and... here's the best part... she speaks English with a Cockney accent! I love it!



I was born in London, but after moving to Toronto when I was three-years-old, I only have what is known as a neutral accent. It's clean and clear, and English speakers from around the world will understand me... unlike say me understanding everything a New Zealander or a Scottish person says. I do... but I really have to listen carefully.



Since there's no teacher's meeting today, I can't slip out of work early... but I do anyways. Look... the way I figure it, no one will ever say anything about it to me - as long as I don't make a habit out of it, of course. Besides... people will just figure I'm off goofing around with the students... no one really keeps track of me or what exactly I am doing... and to be honest... this is the first time I have skipped off on my own initiative... and it'll probably be the last.



I head out to my chiropractor and get my spine adjusted. It feels good, but I feel very tired, rather than energized.



It's probably because Ashley, my ex-girlfriend and current friend-with-benefits, is back after spending a few days in Nikko-shi (City of Nikko) with Karen, the newly arrived JET woman who wants to be my girlfriend rather than plain old sex partner. Karen and I made out a lot when she first arrived which in her mind meant I liked her a lot... which is why she hung out with my mom when she came for a visit. That's just wrong, and is probably what has really turned me off her. I'll still sleep with her, though. I'm not that picky. yesI am. No I'm not.



I'm easy to get along with. I just want sex. Except from Ashley, from whom I want more... as I dislike losing (that's the new me... the old me would just have accepted it and worried that he would never ever find another woman to like him again).



Wednesday is usually kyudo (Japanese archery) night, but since my boss Kanemaru-san (he's also our teacher) has the flu, it's cancelled for myself and Ashley. I try  to call Ashley to head her off at the pass, but to no avail. She's not back from Nikko yet, or perhaps she's at Ohtawara Boy's High School where she is an AET.



So.. to kill time, money and brain cells, I buy another video game and go home to play it.



Three minutes later, here comes the buzz kill. Ashley shows up. She's very cranky and doesn't say much to me, and to be honest... I'm afraid to say anything to her. I figure Karen must have asked her about me. And, whether Ashley admits it or not... whens another woman is interested in your ex, it gets your hackles up.



At least that's what I hoped has happened. For all I know, Ashley gave her her blessing. Or maybe they discussed having a threesome with me.



Probably not. Ashley is pissed at me, or at the world. Whatever. She always seemed to be in a snit 47 per cent of the time, which would put me in a snit.



She can be in a snit all by herself, though. While I could care less about what she and Karen talked about (okay, I do care), but the main thing is that while I have to give a speech on Friday about a foreigner's views on Japan, I actually have a date with a beautiful young lady named Shoko from my night school English class tomorrow!



Ashley goes home in a snit after I make us dinner and an episode of McGyver. I swear... I think that aside from the awesomeness of my sexual ability, she uses me for free food. Trust me... I notice these types of disparities. And I keep track of them.



Hey... I'm not perfect. But then again... we're just friends. If she was my girlfriend like for the first 10 months, I have no problem in blowing all my hard-earned (yeah, right!) cash on her.



regular readers will recall that she broke up with me because I was always around her - crowding her - paying attention to her - lavishing her with as much affection as I can muster (except when she pissed me off... which was often).



Regular readers will also recall that I rarely went to her place (not invited), as she preferred my more westernized apartment with the sofa, chairs, dining room tables, carpet and Queen-sized bed, western toilet, washer AND dryer, shower... of yes... a real shower. She had a square box you squatted in and washed yourself with whatever water it was you were sitting in. Sorry Japan, but blech!



When she leaves - she no interest in my video game - I stay... and stay up late trying to figure out how to survive in my simulated world.



It's been a busy but relatively uneventful day. the important thing is that I still have my testicles intact.



Somewhere life is a video game,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog is by The Mothers Of Invention (featuring Frank Zappa): YOUBLOW

PS: Today just highlights either how wishy-washy I am, or how I just take everything in stride. Stuff happens. You just have to deal with it. And you'll notice no alcohol was harmed in the making of this blog.

Ignorance Is Bliss

It's Tuesday, October 1, 1991 and I sit here in the teacher's office of Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan where I am an assistant English teacher (AET) hired via the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching Programme).



I've been here 14 months and am pretty much enjoying myself... hence the name of this blog.



I have two classes today to team-teach - which means I have a lot of free time to sit on my butt. I have to remember that not only is this an opportunity for me to learn about japan, and an opportunity for the kids to get schooled by a native English speaker, it's also an opportunity for the Japanese teachers to get to know a gaijin (foreigner).



Takuda-sensei transferred to another school, and in his place is the very cute 31-year-old Miss Kyoko Watanabe. She was very deliberate in telling me she is a 'miss'. I didn't miss that. She used to work at Nishinasuno Chu Gakko (Nishinasuno Junior High School is not one of my schools, as it's located in the town north west of Ohtawara, in Nishinasuno-machi), but she has heard of me.



She has apparently heard I was dating (she used the correct past tense) Ashley, an AET who lives in Nishinasuno but teaches at the Ohtawara Boys High School. We were together off and on for about 10 months, and now just sleep together whenever the mood hits hit... which is about once every week and a half. I guess I can't complain... it allows me the freedom to see whomever I want, without feeling guilty that I am cheating on her. Trouble... a big part of me wants us to still be a couple. Shes off on a short vacation in Nikko with Karen, another AET who wants to be my girlfriend. The whole thing makes me feel ill, as I look at kyoko and think I'd like to see wheat I am miss-ing.  



Kyoko talks to me more than the Japanese teachers of English (JTE) today... perhaps they have backed off as they are watching yet another woman chat me up. I don'yt think she's being anything but friendly, but you never know. The last time a woman (Junko) did that to me here at this school, she ended up stalking me. We had some wonderful monkey sex and I forgo sleep, but her following me around (on the sly) was a little unnerving. She was always easy to spot, as I could not only could I smell Junko's shampoo, but I'm a guy. It's my duty to scope out a room to see what babes there may be.



Kyoko seems flabergasted when I tell her (the music teacher) that I used to be a piano and clarinet teacher and a journalist back home in Toronto. She thinks I am talented. I am but that's not my talent. Just give me two-and-a-half hours...



Young Katsuhisa Suzuki-sensei does sit down to talk with me when Kyoko goes off to teach a class. He tells me all about his adventures in mushroom picking this past weekend, telling me how he spent three hours in the drizzling rain picking mushrooms, brought them in to school yesterday only to be informed by the resident mushroom expert that every single one of them was poisonous.



He's not filling me with much as he wants to know if I want to come with him next weekend for another try.



When it's time to go home, it begins raining heavily. Of course it is. Land of the rising sun, my ass. It rains all the time, it seems! I know it's typhoon season, but really, it seems to have rained more during this past year than been sunny.



Still.... it's the weather. I ride out with an umbrella given to me by Kyoko and head over to a hobby store and buy myself a Nintendo Super Famicon Video Game System. Screw the hand-held Sega system... I want a real game system!



But, back home after setting it up, I can't get a perfectly clear screen. It's still cool, and I play Super Mario.

Then Shoko calls and my heart jumps with glee.



I had asked her out yesterday on her birthday. She's an adult fox student in my night school class that I teach for fun and profit.



She asks if I am free this Thursday for our date! Not only am I free, but I'm cheap.



Hell yeah!



But then she says she wants to bring mutual friend Naoko along.



Hell no!



But, I guess Shoko is worried about the language barrier, as my Japanese skills are best left in the bedroom (or wherever), while her English skills are nothing to write home about. I have it in my head that if she brings Naoko along, then she's not really serious about the two of us dating, and I may not ask her out again. At least that's what floats through my disappointed mind.



James Dalton (another AET) originally from Stoney Creek, Ontario, Canada calls and invites me yet again for a poker party. I have had to back out of all of his invites. It's not because I don't like the guy - I do - he's a very good friend - but I actually have to give a speech in front of the Ohtawara International Friendship Association that night - something about my views of Japan after a year here.



Do you think I have anything to say on that topic?



I stay up late into the morning and play video games. 



Somewhere knowing Ashley and Karen are back tomorrow,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog is by Jellyfish: PRINCESSTOADSTOOL.

PS: The video features characters from SuperMario. When I wrote this blog and had all of these elements together... video game, Mario, mushrooms (IE Toadstools), ignorance (Shoko asking Naoko), teacher not knowing anything about me except my social status, and me not knowing what is going on with Ashley and Karen - well... I love it when a plan comes together!

Do You Wanna Dance?

I actually had a headline in my diary of: Dancing, drinking, dining and ? So, I'm going to use it in my opening line.

It's Sunday, September 15, 1991 here in lovely Ohtawara City, Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. It's a pity I'm not going to be here much today.

I get up at 9:29AM - exactly one minute before Ashley phones to wake me up. I would have killed her if she had. You know what I mean... you are always ticked off when someone else wakes you up.

Matthew comes over 20 minutes later, and we ride over to Nishinasuno-eki (Nishinasuno train station) and the ride the rails down to the Tochigi capital city of Utsunomiya.

We are supposed to participate in some cultural even with other assistant English teachers (AETs) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme - international dancing.

I'm pretty sure Matthew is like me - what the hell? Dancing? But, when asked, we have always done our duty while here in Japan. Always. We might occasionally whine about it to each other, but we are always there front and center whenever cultural barriers need to be fortified or broken down.

We don't ride down with Ashley - she must have got on the train before us. Matthew and I take an Express Train to the city, as we missed an earlier one by four minutes. Arriving, we are early and go to the local Robinson's department store and play some video games at their arcade.

I can't remember the name of the game, but the object is to shoot at any alien that moves. Is there a game called Area 51 where you use a hand held gun? When we finish, we both feel like we need to kill someone or something. It was that intense. So, with that in mind, we head over to the dance-thing and proceed to kill the afternoon.

At a Prefectural board room, we practice dancing some of the usual cultural dances that everybody does back in Canada and the United States: The Hawaiian Hula; France's Can-Can; and some redneck line dance which is supposed to represent Canada. Geez... I have watched all of these dances before... but does anybody really want to watch a guy with hairy legs kick up his heels and do the Can-Can? I'm not wearing underwear today! Watch out first row! You know I'm going to be front and center on the stage! Ego? Maybe... But, I also know that is where they will put me.

Fellow AET Alan Broomhead wonders aloud why we are doing this dance stuff when we should be trying to break down the cultural stereotypes. Man... when you are right, Alan, you are right. I need a beer.

During the dances, I am indeed front and center in the show. I think I need to stop answering my phone so I don't get roped into these things. Dancing. Yeesh.

When it's all over (man, I can't dance for beans), Matthew and I, as the more mature people, lead the other AETs to a Japanese fast food place. Okay, Matthew and I aren't really leaders or all that mature... we are just the ones who have been here the longest - though Ashley, who has also been here nearly 14 months, was merely a dance spectator and didn't seem to mind that others - Matthew & I  - were in the spotlight. To be honest, I think Ashley always hates being in the spotlight... and being with me as my boyfriend in Japan was always putting her in some sort of spotlight - probably another reason not to be my boyfriend. I mean... who wants a boyfriend that breaks into a closed pottery museum or gets drunk and wakes up within a previously-locked taxidermy exhibit of a forest scene? Apparently a lot of women, according to the notches on my bedpost... just not the girl I wanted.

More on the spotlight... I wasn't famous... or infamous... I was just the guy with the big mouth and the great big grin that made the Japanese feel at ease. Matthew was like that too - just not as loud or brash as myself. I think he made the more upper-crust and middle-class people at ease, while I handled the lower to middle-class with my bold and daring manner. Matthew, of course, could be every bit the goofball I was, but just chose to show it in small doses. Does that sound right... or even fair, Matthew?

At the restaurant area of Utsunomiya... Matthew and I lead a bunch of people to a Japanese fast food place, while others opt for the next-door pizza place - as they may have been homesick from some gaijin (foreigner) junk food cooking. Personally, I can tolerate it, but Japanese pizzerias aren't the same as the fare back home in Toronto... just like a Chicago pizza is miles apart from a New York-style, etcetera.

We have some great food - and get the gang with us to try Japanese food they have not yet had. We chat with the friendly chef - in English... though Matthew was equally happy to speak to him in Japanese!

Finished, we meet up with the pizza people and lead them over to the Robinson's department store - where some western-style products could be purchased for a premium.

I have Ashley stick close to me because I want her to purchase some make-up for me to cover-up these dark rings around my eyes... but 9000 yen ($90)? Forget it! I'll try and get more sleep.

We then go for a drink or two at the Mexi Restaurant, where one or two drinks actually means seven beers. Ashley has five Tequila Sunrises!

I'm my usual demure self - wild and unruly, and hopefully funny. It's always been my opinion that when I get drunk, I just get louder and not more obnoxious.

When it becomes obvious that my unruliness outweighs any possible charm I possess, Ashley takes me by the hand says good night for me and leads me home.

On the way, I tell her I love her - as a friend... which makes her cry.

We ride our bicycles back from Nishinasuo-eki holding hands all the way to her place., where I breakdown and cry and blather on about how it feels like everybody wants me for something and how I need to go home.

I then tell her my grandfather died recently. That was an attempt to get pity. Grandpa had died back in February and I didn't tell anyone about that.

She leaves me alone in a room to be sad by myself as it's obvious she doesn't know how to act around my act - though she didn't know I was acting. Now that's acting!

So, I put on my shoes and start to leave. She comes after me running and cries as she doesn't know how to act, as I have always been the strong one when it comes to toughing it out here in Japan... and if I feel like I want to go home, how can anyone survive here?

Geez... put some more pressure on me. Fortunately, I'm too drunk to think about that.

We go back into her apartment and make love. Not sex. Love. And then sleep... it's 3AM and the floor is spinning. How the hell can I make love when I'm so drunk the room is spinning? Or is it merely my life spinning out of control?

Somewhere the planet is spinning on the wrong axis,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Beach Boys: DANCE! Though I suppose I could have done David Bowie's LET'S DANCE. Two for the price of one! Who says you can't get value with your blog reading?!
PS: I said my grandfather had died to get pity and sex. That's so frigging low. I am so sorry Ashley. It's funny... I can think of three times now in the first 14 months of Japan where I have been so hammered drunk where I started to cry like a little baby. Clearly the pressure of being popular in Japan and doing everything everyone has asked of me is getting to me... of course... it's usually because of woman problems when I feel at my lowest.
PPS: There's probably a reason why I have only been toasted maybe three times in the past 11 years.
PPPS: Pretty bizarre that despite the plethora of alcohol, I still remembered darn near everything to write it down in my diary. A diary I had never thought of writing before Japan, and never did afterwards. I always knew I would do something with it one day. Even if it means making myself look like an immature jackass. Hey. That's who I was sometimes.
PPPPS: Believe it or not... things start to get better, as once I get over the self-pity crap, I actually feel good about myself - and Japan had better watch-out!

Namco Delays Video Game Due To Tsunami Reference

I guess it's not always about the almighty yen for money.

With Japan still feeling the effects of the tsunami and earthquake that hit the country on March 11, 2011, video game manufacturer Namco Bandai has delayed the release of one of its games that makes light of tsunami and earthquakes.

Namco Bandai is the producer of the One Piece video game series, and action-adventure platform 3D fighting game that first appeared in 2000.

The latest installation of the series: One Piece Unlimited Cruise SP was originally slated to hit the stores on April 7, 2011, but it has been delayed for the foreseeable future.

In the game, one of the characters--Edward 'Whitebeard' Newgate--can gain the power to summon earthquakes and tsunami when he eats a fruit called Gura Gura no Mi that turns him into "Quake Man" allowing him to cause earthquakes or vibrations.  

Intended for the Nindento 3DS, Namco Bandai has ordered retailers to destroy any and all promotional materials related to the game,including a special DVD featuring a trailer.

The game will eventually be released, though Namco Bandai has gone on record as stating that the earthquake/tsunami attack will not be removed from the game.

Showing that some people have no class, some fans of the video game series are saying that Namco Bandai is being overly sensitive, and that they should release the game now.

Some fans need to get a life.

If you would like to see a trailer of the video game, click HERE.

Andrew Joseph
PS: Another blog will appear here in 12 hours - I had already typed it out and left it at work! D'uh! 

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

You might be wondering when things are going to get a bit exciting. Well... it's not today. Sorry.
I'm going to combine two day's into this one blog - but get ready... things will start to get a bit heated, as I plan, plot, play and plumb the depths to get what I want - which is laid again.
For those of you who are new to the site, it's currently June 14, 1991. I'm an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme living in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) here in Japan. I teach at seven junior high schools - one per week - for four days, and spend a fifth day in the offices of the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) writing up a report that takes me 10 minutes to do and then spend a few hours writing short stories and letters to family and friends back home in Toronto. The rest of the time is spent figuring out how I'm going to get laid - or occasionally studying Japanese or going on mini excursions with my friends at the OBOE. Sometimes after work, we have parties (IE booze fests, where the Japanese constantly test the upper limits of a gaijin's (foreigner's) alcoholic intake - which I have yet to peak at. And that is a scary thought.
I've certainly been laid since arriving in Japan. Not prior to it, unfortunately.
I'm currently 26 years old and have been in Japan for nearly a year. I met my girlfriend Ashley of Augusta, Georgia, USA, on my third night in Japan in Tokyo. I met Kristine - a Japanese-American babe on the second night - and while we have not slept together as of this writing (1991), she is never far from my thoughts.
Ashley took my virginity - and while I lasted a good 45 minutes (I timed myself!), my seeming expertise made her think I was lying about being a virgin. What guy would ever lie about something like that??!! I can talk about it to you all now because well, quite frankly I'm doing alright. I've only had four women, but the future is the future - I can always get more. I suppose you could say I have an appetite for destruction.  
I've had a good time in Japan, however there is only thing spoiling my fun - and that it is the frustration I often felt from having a girlfriend who continually broke up with me and then got back to me as easily as changing one's dirty underwear. I was that dirty underwear... and after each break up I'd swear I'd never get back to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune... It's like... I hate you, but since there's no one else available, lets get back together. She may never have thought that, but I did.
Prior to now, I had only gone three days without having a girlfriend or a girl friend for the evening. Hey... I'm not Charlie Sheen, but for some reason, I've been doing okay here in this Japanese Disneyland.... and I have no idea why. Perhaps it's because no one knows me here, and I can be anyone I want to be. In this case, I've chosen to be more self-confident. I think.
Actually, since arriving in Japan - and wanting a girlfriend - I knew that darn near every guy was going to start chasing Japanese tail. It's a fringe benefit of arriving in the country - and I think as a hetero guy, it's something you are expected to do.
Well... I didn't do that. I figured - correctly - that with all the guys chasing the Japanese women, there might be an opportunity for a guy to set himself up with all of the foreign women (non-Japanese) in Japan.
Most foreign women did not want to date a sexist Japanese man (that is a viewpoint more correct than not) - so they could either go cold turkey (or whatever they call a dildo), or there was me... the only guy not chasing Japanese women.
Part of my reasoning was that there would be a comfort level in dating someone who could speak English.
Ashley was chosen because she chose me, and happened to live a mere 20 minute bicycle ride away. Convenience, I suppose. It was easier than having to learn a whole new language. Though I did have to learn woman-speak. "Fine" does not mean "okay". That's all you need to know.
Regular readers will already know that while I still preferred convenience, I did also try the local cuisine, if you know what I mean - and I think you do.
The second woman I slept with was a Japanese physical education teacher at one of my schools. It was a one or two-time deal, but it made for a charged atmosphere whenever I visited that school. You could smell the sex in the air.
There you have it...  a re-cap of what's been going on in this blog for some 385+ entries. Oh yeah... I also have adventures about town. Do stupid things, observe stupid things and learn that the Japanese are every bit as normal - or whacked out as I am.... perhaps just a tad more polite.

Again... It's June 14, 1991.
Friday.
It's an office day at the OBOE. I send off a few packages - like a video to Kristine; one to Melissa; and a book to Tim. Since Kristine was the one I really adored - she got the better video from me - it was just a bunch of television shows my family had sent to me so that I wouldn't turn completely Japanese from not understanding Japanese television.
I write a few letters and stories and head home at 5PM.
I try to clean up my apartment - unsuccessfully. Which is bizarre. I have a three-bedroom L-D-K, with two balconies... I had a girlfriend (Ashley) up until two Saturday's ago... but really, aside from Matthew, a couple of workers installing my air-conditioner, my boss, a friend's dad to act as translator, the superintendent, and a few hundred spiders on my north balcony - no one has come over.
What have I been doing with my time? I think I've been spacing out.
This evening, I play a few video games, drink a 2-litre bottle of Coke, eat a block of cheese and then fart a lot.
Truly a boring day. 
I miss Ashley.

It's Saturday, June 15, 1991.
I'm up at 8:30AM. I'm exhausted for doing all of that nothing - but perhaps more from not doing anything. I'm still farting from all of that cheese, though.
I get up and do some laundry. It's what I do when I'm depressed. Ironing, too. That's when I'm really down. The farting I can do when I'm depressed or happy. It does make me a bit happier, though.
Matthew comes over and we head down to the capital of Tochigi-ken, Utsunomiya-shi (Utsunomiya City), and go to the new Robinson's department store and then see the movies: My Blue Heaven and Presumed Innocent. The first was so-so, the latter, very good.
Oh... when I left my apartment in Ohtawara with Matthew, we rode to Nishinasuno-eki (Nishinasuno train station), where I happened to part right beside my ex - Ashley's bike.
In my head, I planned to steal her good luck traffic charm from her bike when I got back - I would have done it then, but our train was arriving and we had to really run to catch it!
Anyhow... Matthew and I check out the stores. I buy three CDs, a couple of books and I almost bought a Nintendo Super Famicon video game system. Almost. It would have been an upgrade on my Sega Gamegear hand-held device.
We eat dinner - hop on the train home - but unfortunately, Ashley has beaten us home - she's long gone. She must have noticed my over-sized novelty bicycle parked on top of hers (just like old times - nudge-nudge, wink-wink).
Matthew and I head to the video store - he rents Commando, I rent Total Recall and go our separate ways back in Ohtawara.
I chat on the phone with Kristine a bit and then watch the movie, clean-up - this time for sure, and pass out at 1AM.
It's getting easier to sleep now that I'm over Ashley.

Somewhere wondering who stole MY bicycle good luck charm - ASHLEY!!
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Paul Anka: HARD
PS: Tomorrow and onward, things start to heat up for your old pal Andrew - or, he's going crazy from the heat.
PPS: Plus there will be another blog entry - eight hours from the publication of this one - discussing the injection of Nitrogen into the nuclear reactor core in Fukushima-ken's Dai-ichi facility. It's full of learny stuff that make ya real smart, yup.
PPPS: I made up the word learny - it's a variation of the word 'learned' pronounced 'lur-ned'.

War



Shogi King and foot soldier - just for size reference - my foot is 30cm.

 I like games. While nowadays my pursuits extend as far as my hand-held controller on my videogame system, in my youth I owned a Pong system and played some of the earliest coin-op video games out there - heck, I even owned (still do) a record album called Pacman Fever.
But even before that, I played a lot of board games, with Monopoly being a personal favourite - having only lost a game when I entered sponsored competitions, or recently when I have to let my five-year-old win. I also usually get my butt trounced in Scrabble by my wife, a very frustrating event for someone who does daily crossword puzzles in ink and is a writer by trade (not even including my two blogs!).
Despite my supremacy in games like Monopoly, one board game I love is Chess. I'm good, but I'm not Bobby Fischer great. I'm not going to end a match in five moves. I play by gut, and I usually aquit myself well enough to not be embarrassed.
Japan also plays the same chess I do, but there is another similar but completely different version of chess that is Japanese. It's called Shogi. Translated Sho = General (military rank) and Gi = boardgame.
If you didn't know that Chess and Shogi were training grounds for Generals, you do now. It's all about strategy and planning your moves far ahead in the future and adjusting accordingly, all to make the opposition fall into your trap, while avoiding traps set up for you.
Check out the photo of the Shogi piece on the left. It's a King/ōshō piece. It's also a piece of art carved and painted by the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) Superintendent who presented the piece to me a present one day - it wasn't a birthday or anniversary or Christmas or anything. It was a Friday, I believe. And that's why it's cool.
Maybe it's because I'm a stranger in their employ or just one in the country, but I found the Japanese to be overly generous in their time and friendship.
Enough about peace and goodwill towards gaijin (foreigners), let's talk about war - as in Shogi. I'm not going to tell you how to play - for that there are many good sites that can do that, like THIS one. I'm just going to describe the basics. Personally, I don't know how to play - that's because I only have this one giant over-sized novelty piece of art - but what I do know about Shogi is that it is very, very similar to chess, in that the game pieces have similar moving abilities to chess.
First, let's look at the board - here's a link to a typical Shogi board. Forget about the face of the board, check out the way it sits. It's impressive.
Okay... now look at the board's face in the same photo. There are 81 squares. The goal is to capture your opponents King.
Now, according to what history I know, Shogi - or at least something resembling it, had its origins in India around the 6th century and was brought to Japan via China in the 8th century where the Japanese added their own rules to make the game their own.
All of the games pieces are five-sided oblongs like the one in my photos at the top, and have the name of the piece marked in black (like mine) or in red (unlike mine) denoting the two sides.
The games pieces are:
King/ōshō, which can  - like in chess - move in any direction, but only one square at a time. There is only one king per side.
Rook (or a Castle)/hisha - also one piece per side, it can move in a manner similar to a chess rook/castle:
Bishop/kakugyō - one piece per army, it moves diagonally like the bishop.
Gold General/kinshō - two per side, it moves diagonally in any direction except backwards, but only one square at a time. - Okay, now I'm getting confused!
Silver General/ginshō - two per side, it moves forward and diagonally one square at a time.
Knight/keima: two each, it moves diagonally forward two squares and can jump other pieces, so it is similar to the Chess knight... except of course, a knight can move backwards.
Lance/kyōsha - two each, it moves forward.
Pawn/fuhyō - nine per side, this piece moves one square forward - like a Chess pawn.

While it may be a difficult game for the casual observer to even begin wrapping one's head around, I can tell you that as an experienced Chess player, it is a game you will enjoy - it will make you think. And we can all do a lot more thinking.

Somewhere it's my turn,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Edwin Starr: GOODGODYALL
PS: I beat my wife at Scrabble in a near-three-hour epic battle of Scrabble! I'm sure we will play again  - unless I continue to win. 2011 is better already.
PPS: The piece of wood my Superintendent used to carve my Shogi tile for me - I just counted the tree rings visible to me (I can't count the outer rings, because they've been eliminated in the carving process). Let's just say the piece of wood he used was over 180-years-old. And that was 20 years ago. That means this wood/tree was around when the Shogun and samurai where still ruling the roost in Japan. Now that's a thoughtful present.

Now Get Busy

This is a Suzuki - just not one mentioned below.

Welcome back! I hope everyone had a happy Christmas (if you celebrate it), and a great Saturday if you don't.

For your edification, here now is a story written by one Matthew Hall, a fellow AET (Assistant English Teacher) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme originally from the State of New York, U.S.A. and now living in the great State of Vermont. Matthew continues to be one of my best friends. He was a lifesaver for me in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan where we both lived. I taught at the seven junior high school (chu gakko) in the city, and Matthew taught at a bunch of chu gakko in the smaller villages and hamlets surrounding Ohtawara. Perhaps Matthew--a regular reader of this blog--would consent to tell us what schools he taught at and maybe even offer up a guest column about HIS teaching experiences (or his wedding ceremony).

In the meantime, let's check out the story he submitted to ye editor of the Tatami Times AET newsletter for Tochigi-ken back in April of 1991. It was my first issue as editor of the thing... which means I was responsible for photocopying it and mailing it out to all dues-paying JET members in our Prefecture (State/Province) of Tochigi. (Bracketed material is ME being helpful to you loyal readers.)

Not A Care In The World
by Matthew J. Hall


One winter day, the Suzuki's woke up all genki (feeling fine) for the vacation that was going to start. Not a care in the world.
Mama-Suzuki was up first and threw open the blinds.
"Bikurishita (Wow - as in a surprise)!" she screamed. All the kids scrambled around her to see what was the matter.
"Hora! (Look!) Look at all the snow! A mother-of-a-storm has hit!"
Their eyes, wide open, absorbed the horrendous weather.
Baby-Suzuki asked, "Doshiokana? (Now what do we do?) Our tiny car will never get through the roads now! We were depending on clear roads!"
"Hmmm...," the mother thought.
Papa-Suzuki said, "We should do something."
"Hai (Yes), we should," retorted Sister-Suzuki.
"So desu ne (I agree)," agreed Brother-Suzuki.
".............. We should do something," Papa-Suzuki said.
"Hai, so desu ne (Yes, I agree)," Mama-Suzuki muttered.
".............. Hora! Gaijin-duh (Look! A foreigner/outsider!... though the correct spelling is 'da'... Matthew chose the 'duh' version implying stupidity)!" screamed Baby-Suzuki, pointing his finger madly at a blonde-haired, blue-eyed foreigner shoveling his way down the street.
"Maybe if we pay him, he can shovel the road clear so we can get to the airport and enjoy our vacation," said Papa-Suzuki.
"Yeah, let's ask him. I'm bored from sitting at home playing Famicom (Nintendo's videogame system circa 1985)," whined Brother-Suzuki.
"What do you think?" asked mama-Suzuki. "Do you think $4 will make him happy?"
­
"No. Better make it $9," yawned Papa-Suzuki, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes.
Needless to say, Mr. Gaijin agreed - after a little haggling - to do the job. Mr. 'G' was making good distance when suddenly everything cleared up. The sun came out, the snow melted away. The Suzuki's jumped for joy! All their problems went away!
Papa-Suzuki belted out, "Let's get to Narita (Airport). Don't want to miss our flight."
And the Suzuki's went to Narita, with all the other Suzuki's. Off to enjoy their vacations without a care in the world.

Somewhere at home on vacation,
Andrew Joseph & wherever the heck Matthew is - probably doing something fun!
Today's blog title is performed by The Beastie Boys: AMERICANIDLE 

Photo of Matthew taken at his apartment. It's not small, Matthew is just tall.

PS: Suzuki is a surname in Japan that is as common as Smith and/or Jones in western society. Suzuki actually translates into 'bell-tree = suzu-ki'. Suzuki-san in the photo above was the extremely funny and charming boss of Matthew. He was/is so friggin' great! In the photo to the right, it's Matthew panting on the telephone to one of his Japanese women, asking "Wass 'sup????!!!" like in the beer commercials. 
PPS: I'm guessing Matthew's story relates to the average Japanese person's ability to be indecisive when things need to be done. And remember... this was written after we had only been in Japan for about six months. Of course... if the story means something else, I'm sure Matthew will tell us!
PPPS: In the topmost photo,  Suzuki-san is actually trying to figure out the Ninetendo Gameboy Matthew bought me.

Give Me Some Money

Guess what I've seen on television here in Japan? American icons in Japanese commercials that may never see the light of day outside of this country.

I saw Michael Jackson hawking a new Sega video game - Michael Jackson's Moonwalker. Yes, that's what I said, too. I asked my students about it - and while the one or two who knew what I was talking about and like the Thriller album, no tone said they wanted to buy or play that particular video game. Strangely enough, they were representative of the rest of the world. See the commercial here: CROTCHGRAB

The commercials over here are bizarre - picture if you will a beautiful  Japanese woman looking intently at a cup of noodles. She picks up her chopsticks with great aplomb and digs in with exuberance. She slurps them up really loudly. Disgustingly so. It kind of takes the sexiness of her right out of the equation. Apparently slurping up noodles loudly is a sign of... something. I have no idea. It's just something that is done by everyone here. Anyhow, I couldn't find that commercial, but here's a BETTER ONE .

I tried to fit in by slurping a bowl of noodles, but all I did was splatter liquid all over my shirts. Maybe I'll learn to slowly slurp and chew my noddles while making a slurping sound - to pretend I'm fitting in?

Or maybe I could just start drinking energy drinks to really be the life of the party. There's a commercial of Arnold Schwarzenegger hawking an energy drink called Alinamin V. He looks like a square at first (AET), is invited to drink, so he has the vitamin drink and turns into a superior drinker called the Terminator. Okay, not really, but check out the hair. It's like Coke in a bottle - cocaine, that is. Check it out: GOVERNOR

And then there's a commercial with Sylvester Stallone! Let me tell ya, no one over here will ever know he can't speak English. Yo! I don't even know what that ham is selling. ADRIAN!

Pierce Brosnan doing a Japanese cigarette commercial, I can understand - he's James friggin' Bond, and Bond at least smokes. SHAKEN

But check out these ads by David Lynch for Georgia Coffee - HERE. Georgia Coffee is owned by the Coca-Cola Company, and Georgia Coffee is a cold coffee with sugar and "cream/milk" in a thin can. I don't drink coffee circa 1990, but it is a fine cuppa joe. David Lynch created Twin Peaks - a very bizarre television show which had some air play in Japan for a few months in 1990.

Not much else to say at this time - just that even though I had previously thought Japan's television shows were warped, but so are its commercials - especially when American actors come over and hawk a product they've never heard of. It's pure Americana. It's also pure Japanese. I love it.

Take a look at this wonderful site for American-Japanese commercials: Blech.
Google for American actors Japanese commercials and see what you come up with.

Somewhere having an Alinamin V,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Spinal Tap - It Goes To 11