Sympathy For The Devil

Now well into my third year of living in Japan - I've had my ups and downs. It's been pretty much self-induced - girl troubles et al, and has nothing to do with what I have experienced here. It's been pretty much all good. Oh sure, I may have whined every once in a while to my bosses at the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) or to my friends (Matthew, Kristine, Colin and Jimmy Jive), but it has been a wonderful rife.
I have managed to develop a keen relationship with darn near everyone in my office, schools and city. Communication is the key to internationalization... though sometimes I wonder where the lock is.
One of the factors in proper communication, is understanding the cultural and individual differences that exist between people. Having met many foreigners since arriving here in my city of Ohtawara, the populace has had the opportunity to determine for itself that not all gaikokojin (the proper way to say 'foreigner'... really gaijin implies 'outsider') are the same. Ohtawara-shi (city of Ohtawara) knows I am an idiot.
Every time I see one of my Japanese friends, they can be sure I will say (in Japanese) - "Hello. How are you? (Konichi-wa. O-genki desu ka)". That's pretty much it. I don't speak any more Japanese than that. It's not that I can't, It's just that I don't want to. 
That sounds wrong, doesn't it? Truthfully, I'm afraid to get close to them.
Part of the problem is that I have absolutely no idea what their name is. You've seen it before in this blog, and I'll belabor the point again. I know them, but I don't know them. To me, it's hypocritical of me to try and get to know people better when you're too stupid to know who you are talking to.
"Mister Nakazakiyamahanamurasuzuki-san... it's 'san', isn't it?"
Sound impressive, but 'san' means 'Mr/Mrs and perhaps even Ms'.
I mean... I know these people... it's just that - for example, when I first met the people at the OBOE, I had been in Japan for less than four days. I had never heard Japanese spoken before, and when I did, it sounded like another language to me. You know what I mean.
Other times, I would meet people at enkai's (parties). I'd be introduced to them, but they'd either be drunk or I would be, or we'd both be.
I used to say: "I am not 'yopari'. I am drunk." Which is kind of like being welcomed to the Department of Redundancy Department.
But I'm the gaikokojin, here. When they say their name, they don't really cut me any slack. They speak like most people do over the telephone: (in English) "Herro. Mai ne-mu izu..." now this part, because it is Katakana English, is said extremely and painfully slow. It's this next part that screws me up: "Nakazakiyamahanamurasuzuki-san."
It's said at a speed exceeding the sound barrier (Hey! Maybe the sonic boom impedes my understanding of the name!). Of course they say their name fast - it's all in Japanese.
Generally, they say they want to be your friend and get English lessons from you - but no one ever tells you their first name! Even if they do, it's said so quickly you'll end up butchering it ... which is okay, because they can't say your name either. I'm not Andrew... I'm An-do-ryu.
Since arriving here I've been An-do-ryu, Man-do-ryu, An-do-re, Hurricane An-do-ryu, Mista Dragon and Gaijin-san - hey, at least they call me Mr/Mrs and/or Ms.
Of course, 99 per cent of the people here are unaware that An-do-ryu is not my family name. But that's cool. That doesn't bother me... I just wish I knew who they were.
Why don't I have more real Japanese friends?  Okay, I suppose I should have learned the language like Matthew or Kristine - but honestly, I'm not that good at languages, though I do speak English swell.
What am I going to small talk about with the Japanese? Hey, how's the wife and kids? What? You don't have a wife or kids? Oh.
I have noticed that the Nihonjin (Japanese people) tend to spend an inordinate amount of time discussing the weather. I think that's because Japanese protocol won't allow them to discuss personal particulars with each other. How many times can you ask someone how their family is when you don't even know if they have one. If he doesn't, your insensitive question could offend him for life--not that you'd ever find out, because discussing personal matters just isn't done... though they do seem to want to know a heck of a lot about the personal life and grooming habits of foreigners.
I have said 'him' a lot in this blog... mostly because I find the Japanese women a tad too timid to talk too. Most look like they'll explode if you talk to them, though so far, none have.

Somewhere trying to blow-up a woman (not an inflatable one) (yet),
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by the The Rolling Stones: LIPS.
PS: People - when you meet someone, say your name slow - and the same goes when leaving your phone number on an answering machine - slow... I shouldn't have to listen to a message six times to figure out a number or name!
PPS: Remember - the people of Ohtawara were, for the most part, already familiar with who I am... saying my name has never been a problem because the Japanese tend to break all English words down into Katakana English to make it easier for them to pronounce. Personally.. that's cheating.
PPPS: Even my bosses - Kanemaru-san and Hanazaki-san... I know their first names because I have their business cards (which Matthew translatd for me)... but calling them anything but Mr. Kanemaru et al, just wasn't done... My girlfriend, Nobuko and Shibata-sensei are two exceptions - where I could call them by their first name... Nobuko obviously, but Shibata Ryoichi - heck, he allowed me in a step closer. Cheers, buddy!