Weird & Wonderful Japanese World Records

okay... I thought we'd take a look today at some of the weirder world records currently being held by Japan that do not involve sex. Sorry. Maybe in another blog. 

• The world's largest model of a human organ: Not a musical instrument, but the lungs. This educational model stands an impressive 16'-5" (5.02 meters) tall and 18'-11" (5.78 meters) wide. It was the brainchild of Pfizer Japan Inc. - the pharmaceutical giant manufacturer and is located at Ario Sapporo, Sapporo, Hokkaido in Japan, first revealed back on October 2, 2010. It was built depicting a healthy lung on the left (facing) and a smoker's lung on the other to demonstrate the hazards of smoking. It is made of PVC, also known as polyvinyl chloride. I believe it is set up to show the effectiveness of the healthy lung and the unhealthy lung in its use of oxygen and blood. As we all know lungs transport oxygen from the air we breathe in to our bloodstream, and upon exhaling, the lungs have converted carbon dioxide from the bloodstream back out into the air. At least I hope I got that right!

• Most consecutive #1 singles: No, not my dating life prior to Japan, but rather some strange record involving a musical group called the KinKi Kids who in June of 2011 reached their 31st consecutive single to hit #1. Now this is on the Japanese music chart, and not on Billboard... still, it's a somewhat impressive achievement considering their first single to hit #1 occurred back in July of 1997, 14 years ago. Ommigawd... they are the KKK! The KinKi Kids are a duo (the two lads in the photo on the right): Domoto Koichi and Domoto Tsuyoshi (surname first). While they have the same surname, they are not related. However... they are both from Japan's Kinki/Kansai region, which explains their name if not the fact that it sounds kinky.

• Most full-contact punch strikes in one minute: A strange record, yet one that denotes the speed and accuracy of female boxer Miyao Ayaka (surname first) who was born on August 29, 1983 in Nagano, Japan. Standing a mere 5'-0" (1.53 meters) tall, the cherry bomb dynamo made 556 punches in 60 seconds. Holy crap that's fast! That's 9.267 punched every second. She actually did this record on a television show called  100 Beautiful Women Who Have Guinness World Records, and did so by beating out three other international competitors. Obviously for the human eye to see all of those punches is impossible, but her record was verified via slow-motion camera. Currently ranked 6th in Japan and 23 in the world, this beautiful bomber holds and 11 W (1KO), 5L (2KO) and 1 Draw record. That's her on the left beating the crap out of an opponent.  

• Largest gathering of dogs in attired costume: Who knew there was even a record for something like this? Apparently Guinness World Records did. On May 14, 2011, 603 poor dogs were dressed up in clothing and gathered with their proud owners at the Roppongi Hills Arena in Minato-ku, Tokyo, Japan. Most of the dogs in attendance were of the smaller variety--like miniature Daschunds and Toy Poodles. No kidding! Do not dress up your big dog! I once attempted to put a Toronto Maple Leafs NHL hockey sweater on one of my then three Rottweilers, Blackjack... he attempted to rip my face off (hence the mask I wear as my photo at the top of this blog!). Who knew he wasn't a Leafs fan, and preferred their arch-rival Montreal Canadiens (who suck!)? The event wasn't only about people torturing their pets--this event included a charity auction to raise money for pets displaced by the March 11, 2011 9.0 Magnitude earthquake and massive tsunami. The Japanese world record completely eclipsed the old record set a year earlier in the USA when only 208 dogs were abused in this silly excuse for a world record.  

•  Steepest rollercoaster made from steel: This record is just plain sick. The Takabisha rollercoaster at Fujikyu Highland Amusement Park in Fujiyoshida-shi (Fujiyoshida City) in Yamanashi-ken (Yamanashi Prefecture), Japan. Featuring a stomach dropping decline of 121 degree over 11'-2" (3.4 meters), it first began making people sick on July 8, 2011 before they even rode it. It has an over-vertical section of 121 degrees, which is just one of seven big drops in the 2-minute 40-second barf-inducing ride of your life. If you look closely, you can see Mt. Fuji in the background covered in vomit.

• Most Twitter tweets per second: This record was achieved during the historic 2011 Women's World Cup of soccer when Japan defeated the United States of America in the Finals via a penalty shootout. This was one of the best soccer matches I had ever seen and Japan came through with a plucky victory that not only surprised your humble author but probably most of the world, too. Twitter, also must have been surprised, as the tweets were going nuts during and after the match scoring a landslide 7,196 tweets per second (TPS) on July 27, 2011.  Japan and the USA were deadlocked at 2-2 before Japan won it 3-1 on penalty kicks.U.S. President Barack Obama also is reported to have tweeted on the match. And, to prove the soccer is indeed the world's most popular sport, it also holds down the number two mark in tweets per second on Twitter at 7,166 during a match between Brazil and Paraguay during a Copa America quarter final. The previous high was 6,939 TPS that occurred on New Year's Eve December 31, 2010 in Japan (of course). As a point of reference, the March 11, 2011 earthquake that hit the northeast coast of Japan garnered 5,530 TPS, the 2011 Superbowl football game got 4,064 TPS, and the idyllic wedding between Kate Middleton and Prince William peaked at 3,996 TPS.

• Heaviest largemouth bass: This one kicks bass. On July 2, 2009, Kurita Manabu (surname first) hooked a 22-pound 4-ounce female largemouth bass from Japan's largest lake, Lake Biwa. What's astounding is that this record actually ties what the sportsfishing world calls its 'Holy Grail' of records that was originally set 77 year's ago by George Perry of Georgia, USA when he pulled his fish from Georgia's Montgomery Lake on June 2, 1932. Kurita—who is from Aichi, Japan actually broke the record, as his initial weighing of the fish came in at 22 lb 5 oz. However, according to rules and regulations stipulated by the International Game Fish Association’s (IGFA), a record must be broken by a minimum of two ounces. But don't cry for Kurita, a proper measurement of the behemouth with certified scaled shows the bass at 22 lb-4 oz (10.12 kilograms) with a length of 27.2 inches and a girth of 26.7 inches. What is interesting to not, is that most members of the IGFA were surprised that Japan had fish anywhere like that, as the USA is considered the kingdom of the bass. Okay, I was surprised too. Bass in Japan? Lake Biwa is an old reservoir located northeast of Kyoto. For those of you who are interested, Kurita used a Deps Sidewinder rod and a Shimano Antares DC7LV reel loaded with 25 lb Toray line when he pitched his bait, a live bluegill, next to a bridge piling. It was Kurita’s first cast to the piling where he had seen a big bass swimming. He only twitched the bait twice the bait was taken. After a short, three minute fight he had the fish in the boat.Oh... and the record was only officially recognized six months after landing the fish. But it gets better. Because Americans all over America (IE the World) could not believe that their Holy Grail record could be beaten in Japan (we kicked their ass back in double-ya double ya two) they said that Kurita must have cheated somehow. So... even after getting all of theproper documentation from the IGFA’s sister association, the Japan Game Fish Association (JGFA), they had Kurita take a polygraph (lie detector) test. But apparently because fishermen are known liars, the IGFA reserves the right to employ polygraph analyses to any record application, and this is explicitly stated in the affidavit section of the world record application form. Kurita was examined on December 15, 2009 and after passing with flying colours, he was officially acknowledged as equaling the record for fishing the largest largemouth bass on January 8, 2010. Should you wish to check out some more of the IGFA All-Tackle records, click HERE. As an aside, bass are not native to Japan - they are stocked. Japan's fisheries officials call it an invasive species that have adapted well to Japan's cool, deep lakes.

•  Longest timed flight of paper airplane: Who knew there were people involved in competitive paper airplane flying? Apparently having a flight of 20-seconds is considered exceptional, 25-seconds or better is world-class. Uh-huh. Japan's Toda Takuo (surname first) has come close to reaching the 30-second mark... setting the world record at an astounding 27.9 seconds. Of course, this paper plane had tape on it. His other record for an all-paper, non-tape plane was done flying a 10-centimeter long plane that flew for 26.1 seconds. "I felt a lot of pressure," he notes after his paper airplane fly-off at a Japan Airlines hangar near Tokyo's Haneda Airport. "Everything is a factor – the moisture in the air, the temperature, the crowd." The crowd? Okay. Toda, an engineer, is the head of the Japan Origami Airplane Association and is virtually unmatched in his ability to fold paper aircraft. In keeping with traditional rules of the ancient Japanese art of origami, he uses only one sheet of paper, which he does not cut or paste. Apparently tape is allowed by Guinness World Records, but he chose not to use tape to better follow the rules of origami (the Japanese art of paper folding). His paper-only record was 'captured' on the video seen HERE. It also shows some terrible camera work - perhaps also a world record for worst camera work ever. Along with breaking the 30-second barrier, Toda said his next goal is to launch a paper airplane from space. With funding from Japan's space agency, JAXA, Toda and a team of scientists have designed a plane they believe can withstand the intense heat of re-entry. One of Toda's designs was scheduled to be released from the International Space Station, but that plan fell through in part because of problems with devising a means of tracking the planes as they fell back to Earth. Toda and his colleagues are currently trying to interest Chinese or Russian space officials in reviving the idea.

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph

Take A Trip On The Wild Side

You guys want to read a cool blog? It's by my buddy Mike Rogers in Tokyo. He does a cool blog entitled Marketing Japan. He's as eclectic as I am only more intelligent. I hate him. 

In this blog, I am linking you over to his most recent entry, Meeting the Rich and Famous in Japan? Sure. No Problem. Happens All the Time


I couldn't top his blog - not that I am trying to, but I am burnt out after doing so many blog entries yesterday. I had my best day of blog visitors yet! Y'all come back, now, heah?

Andrew Joseph 

Translation of Mysterious Man in Video

Hey... a few days back, my friend Matthew pointed out a cool video that I shared with you - HERE.

Another blogger has found a site that offers a definintion (in English) of that the heck themysterious man in the video is saying.

Check out THIS SITE from http://ex-skf.blogspot.com/  to find out what the mysterious man at the Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear plant is saying in his haz-mat radiation suit.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

Japan Ties Uzbekistan In Men's WC Soccer Qualifying

Japan midfielder Hasebe Makoto gets ready to play the ball past an Uzebekistan player.

In what can only be called a discouraging result, Japan, Asia's reigning champs, were forced to come from behind to tie home team Uzbekistan in Tashkent in the 3rd round of qualifying for the men's 2014 World Cup soccer tourney.

While the Asian Group C bracket is considered a tough one, Japan still should have done better. Despite playing on a bumpy surface, Japan gave up an early goal to Uzbekistan midfielder Server Djeparov in the 8th minute of the match.

And it might have been worse. One minute earlier, a spunky Uzbekistan team playing at Pakhator Stadium nearly grabbed the lead then when midfielder Timur Kapadze hit the crossbar from just outside the box. One minute later team captain Djeparov got ahold of a loose ball after a the Japanese defence could not clear a cros from Uzbekistan's Alexander Geynrikh.

The Japanese Blue Samurai were playing without Honda Keisuke and Nakamura Kengo (surrnames first), but still made a game of it and poured on the pressure after that initial goal.

Still, a long-range shot from Uzbekistan's Victor Karpenko nearly caught Japanese goalie Kawashima Eiji napping.

But just before the half, Japan nearly scored the equalizer when Lee Tadanari hot the post with a shot.

After the second half began, Japan scored in the 65th minute when Okazaki Shinji nodded home a Josida Maja cross.

Now fully awake, goalie Kawashima preserved the single point with a beautiful save in the dying seconds.

With the single point, Japan's record stands at 1 W, 1D after two matches for four points and  the lead in Group C.

Uzebkistan is in second with a 1W, 1D record and four points, but is in second owing to giving up a goal to the visiting Japanese team.

North Korea sits with three points from 1W and 1L, having beaten Tajikistan earlier in the day, while Tajikistan remain pointless following two losses. Tajikistan took the place of Syria at the last moment after it was discovered Syria had used an ineligible player during 2nd round qualifying.


Japan's next game is October 11th at home in Osaka versus Tajikistan - yes, a month from now after two games in five days.

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph

How Japanese Children Were Smarter Than The Wright Brothers

A couple of weeks ago (August 25, 2011) I hopefully taught you all something about Japan's aviation pioneer Ninomiya Chuhachi (surname first). You can read that story HERE. 

Despite the length of the article, I only really delved into his attempts at flight.

At this time, I want to discuss how all Japanese children were was smarter than the Wright Brothers who were the first to create a heavier-than-air (airplane or aeroplane - I actually like this old style spelling!) craft. And, the Wright Brother's were pretty damn smart!

It all comes down to being screwed. Or rather a screw, as in propellers - an underrated component in the race to build a functional air craft!

The Wright Brothers and Ninomiya had different ideas - polar opposites, if you will, on the size and rotational speed of propellers - and believe it or not, a self-taught Japanese man got the physics right.

Orville and Wilbur Wright preferred to utilize two slow-spinning propellers, which they derived from their bicycle building profession. Essentially, they geared down the engine shaft speed with a bicycle chain to drive each propeller. Photos of the Wright Flyer show a larger heavy sprocket on each propeller which caused a reduction in spin and thus in sped.

Our man Ninomiya - well, through independent study, he arrived at a different conclusion... though both he and the Wright Brothers did not know of the other's findings.

Always the inquisitive lad, Ninomiya checked out the foreign ships that had only recently begun to legally enter Japanese ports again after a 300 year ban. In 1883, when he was 16, Ninomiya would row out to anchored ships off the island of Shikoku where he lived. It was there that he got his first look at the propellers that helped move the ships - and he drew diagrams of every single one he could spot... and then he made miniature models of each.

It was these models which helped Ninomiya learn about the principles of flight, as he continually redesigned these models to get what he considered a perfect propeller.

The Japanese have a small wooden toy called a taketombo (bamboo dragonfly) that is essentially a propeller on a stick that one places between the palms and then by sliding the hands quickly, flight of the taketombo is achieved.

Taketombo - bamboo propeller toy

It's pretty cool, and I had one when I was living in Japan - a gift from a student at Ichinosawa Primary School in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. It was stepped on by my dog one day, and it broke, which is too bad because I think my son and I could have a few laughs with it now. I'll have to find one somewhere!

While it was in inexpensive gift (maybe) for the child who gave it to me, back when Ninomiya was young, he had to make his own taketombo by carving his own bamboo with a borrowed knife. The goal, of course, was to make the best flying taketombo ever - to fly longer and higher than everyone else!

By learning what propeller shape to weigh ration, along with propeller speed (slide of the hand), Japanese children everywhere learned the aeronautical relationship between propeller pitch, propeller size and propeller speed and how subtle differences can make the difference in a good flight or a great one. Here's a slow-motion video of one in flight HERE.

That is what the Wright Brothers did not know. In fact, most pioneer aviation designers failed to recognize the aeronautical skills tiny Japanese kids learned years previous - that you get better propulsion - a more efficient propeller - from shorter, faster turning blades.

And this is what Ninomiya applied to his airplane models.

Some other achievements of Ninomiya includes his taxi system for aircraft. When he was 22 years of age back in 1888 - some 20 years before the Wright Brothers achieved flight, Ninomiya saw his first bicycle in Japan. After a single ride (and how wobbly it was) he realized a pair of bike tires on a plane would not work, and that for great stability, two on the wings and one on the nose would work. Check out an airplane today. Essentially wheels on the wing and one on the nose.

Ninomiya also tested wind resistance by creating a wind tunnel back in 1891. Okay, not really. What he did was continually jump off a bridge into a river while holding an umbrella. By holding the open umbrella at different angles, he studied how air was captured and helped keep him aloft (if even for a brief moment).

On April 29, 1891, Ninomiya finished his first model airplane that he called Karasu (the Crow), as these birds had first taught him the best way to fly - with rigid wings. You really should have read my earlier article. Regardless, he painted a crow's head on the front of his model.

So: The Karasu MODEL was a single-wing plane (monoplane) with a dihedral wing (upward wing angle - an angle determined from his umbrella bridge jumping) and a 45 centimeter wingspan. It used a rubber band motor that powered a four-blade pusher propeller (the propeller sits behind the engine) was built of bamboo.

That first flight achieved a distance of 10 meters, and 36 meters the next day... both times landing unharmed on the model's tricycle wheel system.

For a man-made flight, Ninomiya was no dummy. He knew a rubberband wasn't going to cut it. A fuel powered engine would be needed.

For his new Tamamushi (Jewel Beetle) model, he designed it to fit a 12-horsepower motorcycle engine. And... just so you know, current aeronautical engineers say that the plane's design was just perfect for that particular horsepower. Unfortunately, motorcycle engines were few and far between in Japan... so he needed to purchase one from elsewhere... and while saving up money for it, he discovered that the Wright Brothers had beaten him to the punch.

Still, perhaps he could have enjoyed some smug satisfaction in knowing that he - and the rest of Japan's children - were smarter than the Wright Brothers on the construction of a better propeller - and all thanks to a simple toy called a taketombo.

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph

Japan To Host 2011 FIFA Club World Cup

Get ready soccer fans! Japan is hosting the men's 2011 FIFA Club World Cup soccer tourney December 8-18, 2011 to be held at two venues: International Stadium in Yokohama (capacity 72,327) and Tokyo Stadium (capacity 45,000).



This is the eighth edition of the tournament.... but this one already has some international turmoil attached to it, after Brazil's Santos FC club created an advertising promotion for it that is RACIST.



For more information, I'll direct you to a Wikipedia page that is a tad confusing...  HERE. I've tried to decode it a bit for you here.



Just know that perennial powerhouse nations like Brazil's Santos FC (winner's of 2011 Copa Libertadores) and Spain's FC Barcelona (winners of 2010-11 UEFA Champion's League and probably the best team in the world right now!) get an automatic draw to the semi-final round.



Japan, the host nation, will play the New Zealand entry Auckland City FC (winners of 2010-11 OFC Champions League). The winner of J-League Division I will represent Japan at the tournament, when a winner is decided on December 3, 2011.



One other team, as of this writing, has already qualified: Club de Futbol Monterrey of Mexico (winners of 2010-11 CONCACAF Champions League). They will play in the quarter-finals against the winner of the 2011 AFC (Asian Football Confederation) Champions League (to be determined on November 5, 2011) and the winner of the CAF (Confederation of African Football) Champions League (to be determined November 13, 2011).



The fourth quarter-final team is determined through a December 8, 2011 match in Tokyo between Japan's champion and Auckland City FC.



So... not all football teams are created equal. Still... it should be a good tourney with some pretty decent soccer.



Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife will keep you apprised of the participants - just before the tourney begins.... but personally, I hope Japan gets to play Santos FC and kicks their ass.



And remember people... it's not whether you win or lose... but HOW you play the game that should matter to yourselves. We all are not naive enough, however, to believe the some prestige and money would also be a big help to your respective team's finances.



Andrew Joseph

Ex-soccer star Matsuda dies

Matsuda Naoki, 34, a former soccer star with the men's national team died on August 4, 2011 two days after suffering a heart attack while training with the Matsumoto Yamaga club. 

"He passed away today at 1:06 p.m.," says Yamaga president Hiroshi Otsuk. "Since Tuesday there has been an outpouring of support from Matsuda fans all over Japan."

On Tuesday, August 2 2011, Matsuda collapsed and fell into a coma following a short 15-minute training run. While he was initially thought to have suffered heat stroke, it was later determined to have actually had a cardiac arrest. 

At the hospital, Matsuda he was unconscious and did not respond to heart massage and was kept on life-support until his passing. 

Matsuda, a tough Right Fullback player valued for his 183-cm height, played 40 times for Japan, including at the 2002 World Cup in Japan and South Korea when the team made the top 16 round. He also played 385 J-League games for the Yokohama Marinos from 1995-2010, helping the team to three league titles.

But his international career as a member of Japan's Blue Samurai (national team) ended in 2005 when he fell out with then national coach and Brazilian legend Zico.

"It's a huge shock," former national team captain Miyamoto Tsuneyasu notes. "I will always remember playing alongside him at the 2002 World Cup. He was a great teammate."  

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph

Magical Mystery Tour

Continuing Tuesday, September 10, 1991. I'm still living here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

My day started off with me not lookingforward to having to team-teach English at Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda NorthJunior High School). I hate that school. But despite no one there showing anyinclination that they might want to learn anything at school (not justEnglish), I enjoy myself watching the Sports Festival wacky events, and enjoyhanging out with some elementary school kids who come to visit. I'm also takenaback by the agressiveness of a 12-year-old student who looks like she's 21.

So there's good, the bad and the naughty.

After the sports day events, I leaveschool at 5:40PM and arrive home at 6PM thanks to Gunji-san's scary driving.I do some of my 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle and begin cleaning up myapartment.

 Look... I know I said I wouldn't mentionthe puzzle, but I didn't read that far ahead into my own diary whentranscribing it for you all here in this blog. Yes... I am doing the puzzle inmy underwear. Hah!

So... I've only just sort of noticed thatI clean my apartment a lot. I mentioned previously that I thought it was adefensive mechanism of mine when I was antsy or upset, or that I simply like aclean place.I am proud to state that the cleanlinessangle is really it. I'm having an acid flashback without doing anythingstronger than antacid.

When I first moved in to my apartmenthere in Ohtawara... there was a lone cockroach in the apartment that wasquickly stomped on my a floppy-slipper clad Hanazaki-san (one of my two bossesat the OBOE - Ohtawara Board of Education).It was there because the place had beenempty for two weeks prior to my arrival.

So... in order to ensure a cockroachnever encroaches in my apartment again, I vowed to make it a clean environment.Years later, I heard that cockroaches eatin messy places but prefer to live in clean environments. Anyone want toconfirm or deny?

Mr. Maniwa calls me up and asks if I amfree. I am anything but free, but I don't have anything better to do so I goover to his pharmacy located a three minute walk away.

Maniwa-san is an old lecherous man whosmokes and drinks too much and tried to squeeze Ashley's boobs very early inour sojourn here in Ohtawara. Ashley, my ex-girlfriend but currentfriend-with-benefits never really went near Maniwa-san again unless I was therewith her.

It's not an excuse, but Maniwa-san'sbehaviour was not atypical of Japan's male population. Of course not every guy gets drunk andsexually assaults a woman—because that is what it is—but a lot do. For examplenone of my bosses ever acted like that. However, I do know quite a few peopleon the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme who did. A lot of it wasmutual, though some of it was not. Again... I never made the first move onany woman here in Japan. Come on... how many other guys do you know who werestalked by a beautiful Japanese woman. I only had to call a stop to it when itbecame obvious that I was going to die from a lack of sleep and severedehydration. Other than that, I quite enjoyed all of the sex.

Regardless... despite Maniwa-san havingpawed at my girlfriend (and no, it doesn't matter that he didn't know she and Iwere together then... though he was probably the only one in the city whodidn't know that, despite Ashley telling everyone we aren't!), he was a niceguy. I don't really blame him for pawing at Ashley - I had done that enoughmyself.

Arriving at his pharmacy, he has anassistant watch the shop while he ushers me to a back room - he's not going tofeel me up, is he?

I'm pleasantly surprised to see a verypretty young woman there named Wada Ayako (surname first) and less happy to seeher boss introduced simply as Ozeki-san.

This is one of the things I absolutelyhate about Japan--and really, it's a cultural thing. People introducethemselves as So-and-So-san (Mr./Mrs. or Miss So-and-So). There's very rarelyan introduction involving a first name. I've seen students called other by theirlast name - never a first - and it throws me. Where's the familiarity? It seemscold to refer to another person solely by their family name. I know it's a signof respect, but using a person's given name (first name) implies friendship orfamiliarity.

Hell... why do the Japanese call meAn-do-ryu-sensei. Andrew is my first (given) name! Joseph is my family name. Ifyou want to treat me like you treat other Japanese people, shouldn't you call meJoseph-sensei? Surely it can't be because I'm a a gaijin (foreigner)? Actually,I think Japan does know that gaijin prefer to be called by their given name. Iguess Japanese prefer to be called by their surname. It's probably an honourable thing to do.

Both Mr. Ozeki and Ayako-chan work at theAiAi Town grocery store here in Ohtawara.Because Ayako is going to Australia for one year, she thought she coulduse some practice speaking English first.

Okay... so why bring your boss?

I'mbetting they don't have AiAi Town's in Australia, so this isn't a businessexchange. I'm confused.

Regardless, both Ayako and the Man WithNo First Name speak English very well. Ozeki-san knows some German, so we chat alittle bit that way, as well. I'm not fluent in German. What I do know is whatI have gleaned from Sgt. Rock comic books and through episodes of of the old television show Hogan'sHeroes. It's true.

Maniwa-san (actually, I only ever calledhim Mister Maniwa) goes out and brings back a lot of beer and sake (Japaneserice wine), and some jumbo shrimp and sashimi to eat. Wow!When we finish everything off, we go tothe 4C bar for more drinks. I don't know why... this is my hang-out with Ashleyand Matthew, but I've never seen any of these people there... it hardly seemslike Mister Maniwa's type of place. Too classy, if you know what I mean.

Ozeki-san and I have Apricot Cocktails.Believe me, I'm not bragging. It was his choice. We also have a couple ofbeers... I think I'm in the double digit numbers for booze. Oh... and cutie-pieAyako keeps up.

At the 4C, I meet a Japanese guy wholives in Tennessee, US. He calls him self a red-neck and is a laugh-a-minuteriot. I have no idea if I ever asked him why he has come back to Ohtawarabecause I was toasted.

Who knew an apricot cocktail could pack such a punch?

I go home at 11PM and quickly fall asleepon the sofa. I awaken at 2:30AM, take out my dry contact lenses and then go tobed.

Somewhere I'm a teacher English effin'gre- burp -great,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Beatles: ROLLUP
PS: When did I actually teach any English this evening?

Nuclear Plant Not Prepared

Despite a disaster drill held a week before the March 11, 2011 earthquake and tsunami, the Dai-ichi nuclear power plant was ill-prepared, according to a new report.

After the twin disasters hit the area around the plant, it affected the workings of the Dai-ichi facility in Fukushima-ken (Fukushima Prefecture), causing it to spew radiation into the air and nearly suffer a meltdown.

The report, released on June 18 by TEPCO (Tokyo Electric Power Company) noted that the plant was so ill-prepared that plant workers had bring protective gear and an emergency manual from far away buildings and also had to borrow equipment from a contractor already on-site.

The data is based on interviews with plant workers and plant data, showing just how desperate the plant workers were to control the plant. as they worked with unfamiliar equipment while fearing for their life from radiation exposure.

The earthquake and tsunami knocked out the plant's power and thus cooling systems needed to keep the nuclear reactors from melting down. As a result, three nuclear reactors suffered partial meltdowns and emitted several explosions each.

TEPCO has also been severely criticized for not acting quick enough to vent gases or adding sea water as a possible solution to keep the nuclear cores cool. A consideration was that adding sea water would permanently corrode and render the reactor useless - so there were financial concerns.




In a related story, see here for how the Tama Zoo in Tokyo prepared for a possible earthquake that came six days later. HERE

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph

Monkey Bars

The next couple of days of my life in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan are presented here:

Thursday, June 27, 1991. I only had two classes to teach today atWakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School). Since I have a lot offree time, I try to keep to myself and do a little studying ofconversational Japanese - interacting with whomever comes by  - butmostly, it's a dull little day.
I head back to my apartment, eat a sandwich for dinner and watch a fewvideos of television shows from back in Toronto and then get a ridefrom Matthew's girlfriend Takako out to Mishima for an Englishconversation class.
It's a hot evening - but it's fun. I have a good time... mostly becauseI'm sitting next to a cute 19-year-old girl who really likes my redshorts. Although there is a seven year age difference, what scares meoff from asking her out is her mother who sits on the other side of her.
I whisper to her that her mom scares me.
The young girl whispers back that her mom scares her too!
That makes her even more attractive.
Afterward, I ride out to the Big One video store and establish a membership and rent Indiana Jones III, The Last Crusade.
I watch it and then go to bed at midnight. This is early for me - butsince I'm not getting any sex, there's no need for me to be awake.

Friday, June 28, 1991.
I'm up at 6:30AM thanks to a dog across the street barking. I love dogs, but I hate them when they wake me up.
I do a load of laundry and then head out to the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) for an office day.
I put together The Tatami Times newsletter for Tochigi-ken JET (JapanExchange & Teaching) Programme teachers - of which I am one. Aftercompleting 40 copies at 36 pages each, I realize that I have messed up.
The It's A Wonderful Rife monthly column I created was the exact sameone I had used the previous month. Obviously, this monthly column waswhat inspired this blog.
I create a new one in 30 minutes and then begin the photocopying anew. I've killed a lot of trees today - I feel so Japanese!
At lunch I ride home and check my mail. There's a letter from my friendConnie back in Toronto - with a photo. Sexy! See above. She writes thatshe wants to see me. Friends or not, now I want her. I am so horny. Sheand I would make an interesting couple... so at the office, I writeback to her in the afternoon, send it off and write another Rife fornext month's issue.
I go home and clean-up. Why is my place such a mess? There's no onethere except me - unless... Junko! She isn't breaking in and making amess, is she? No. That would be insane... and why would a woman who wasstalking me be insane. She has good taste, however.
Junko was the 21-year-old university student who had visited Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara JuniorHigh School) last week on a five-day internship to learn how to be ateacher. I just so happened to be teaching at that school - and she andI hit off fantastically well  - so much so that the term monkey sex mayhave been coined from someone listening to us frolic.
I know... that's just ego - but what and ego!
Anyhow... since it was only supposed to be a Monday to Friday trystbefore she was to go back to school, I was more than a little surprisedto discover that the beautiful Junko had followed me down toUtsonomiya-shi (Utsonomiya is the capital city of Tochigi-ken) lastFriday and then to Tokyo Disneyland on Saturday.
Either had some magical power over women that made them fall instantlyin love with me (Uh, yeah... right) or she loved me for my money (I'monly rich in the things that count, unfortunately) or because I'm hunglike a horse (neigh to that). Or she was a little bit coo-coo bananas.Or maybe a lot.
Whatever it was, if I wasn't so hung up on Ashley I wouldn't haveminded spending my life with a bananas woman into monkey sex. It hasape-eal.
But nope. My mind was not quite where my groin was. What a stupid idiot I am.
Anyhow... after cleaning up, Matthew comes by to help me mess up my place again. I don't mind - I think I like cleaning up... just don't tell my parents! We watch Indiana Jones III (my second time in two nights) and them some Steven Spielberg Amazing Stories TV episodes.
After Matthew leaves, I hit the bed at 12:30.
Oh yeah... Kanemaru-san (my boss from the OBOE) came over earlier in the evening to put up a curtain rod for me in my bedroom  - noting that one of the office ladies would pick out a nice curtain for me and then the men would be back to hang up the curtain.
Japan is so structured in its gender roles, isn't it?
Kanemaru-san tells me that Ashley and I should be friends - because he can see how upset I am all the time.
He's afraid we are fighting.
Nope. Just not boyfriend/girlfriend... which sucks... personally... I think Kanemaru-san is correct.
Oh... and the phone rang again - no one on the other end... except for the gentle breathing. Ashley? 


Somewhere looking for the missing link,
Andrew Joseph
This blog title is inspired by Coney Hatch: SWINGINGSTARS  
PS - Don't worry - stuff will be happening soon. Maybe even tomorrow when I go on a road trip with Kanemaru-san, his wife and youngest son. I have no idea where I'm going!

The Boys Are Back In Town

It's Sunday, June 23, 1991. I've just broken up with my girlfriend Ashley two weeks ago and I've broken up with my week-long sexual fling Junko who had stalked me to Tokyo Disneyland yesterday.
Pimpin' ain't easy.
I'm up this morning at 9:30AM. I clean my apartment trying to get rid of the smell of sex that permeates the air thanks to Junko. I do this so as not to frighten away the next woman who is sure to come along - as I have yet to ask a woman out here in Japan.
I've been here for nearly 11 months and it's been a fool's paradise, with me being the fool.
I do two loads of laundry (especially my sheets) and clean out my aquarium.
I call home to Toronto and talk to my mom and dad and get more details about my mom's trip here to Japan. As soon as I hang-up, my friend John Kutchera calls to tell me about his trips here to Japan.
These two visitors are going to severely cut into my 'dating'.
John is arriving  on July 28, staying until August 16. My mom's coming on August 12 and staying until the 30th.
My plan is to meet John in Tokyo during the Orientation of the new assistant English teachers arriving on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. I'll keep him in Tokyo for a few days, take him back to Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City) where I live - and then he's on his on.
I'll be heading out to Thailand between August 7-12 - where i will actually meet my mom and hang out with her there.
John can either stay at my place while I'm in Thailand or at Barbra's - some women he knows here.
I watch a few videos sent to me from Canada until a student teacher from Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School - one of the seven schools I teach at in the city) comes over for a visit. I wish I knew his name, but he - like a lot of Japanese folk - says his name too quickly and only once. I feel very stupid to have them keep repeating it, so I've developed a conversational style where I never say a person's name.
He and I watch a movie I have rented: The Final Countdown, where a nuclear aircraft carrier is sent back in time to the day before Pearl Harbor is attacked by the Japanese thereby involving the US in WWII.
Do you have any idea how unnerving it is to watch a movie like this with a a Japanese person? I have to suppress the urge to giggle when I see two F-14 jets fly circles over a Mitsubishi Zero airplane. Then when they blew up the Japanese fighter, I almost yelled "All right!", but remembered my guest and swallowed my glee.
My guest left half-way through the movie, so I watched the rest of it, watched more videos and then got ready for my dinner invitation to Mr. Oyamada's house. He's a teacher over at my favourite school, Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School). I wish I could tell you that he was an English teacher - but no. He taught Science, and knows very little English. That's okay, because I know very little Japanese, so we should be okay. No... wait a minute! It's going to be very difficult!
He picks me up in his white car at 6:15PM. His place looks like a dump on the outside, but inside - it's beautiful. We have a meal of ikka (squid). There is ikka this and ikka that and cooked ikka and raw ikka and something an ikka would eat. It's fantastic, and not very icky at all. I love ikka.
Oyamada-sensei (Oyamada teacher) has a very cute 16-year-old daughter whom I make a pass at when I'm drunk. But I think she started it.
Man... I need a girlfriend or I'm going to get in trouble in this country! Thank goodness, my common sense was only partially impaired and stops me from being a complete ass!
Oyamada and I have six beers apiece and far too many glasses of o-sake (sake = Japanese rice wine). Throughout the whole evening, I have no idea what anyone said to me - and I'm sure they felt the same way about me.
I had a great time and was home by midnight thanks to the sober Mrs. Oyamada driving her very drunk husband and his very drunk and new gaijin (foreigner) buddy to my place five minutes away.
I am so drunk but I miss not having Junko arrive at my apartment 30 seconds after I do.

Somewhere, Oyamada's daughter goosed my bum,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Thin Lizzy: BACK
PS: No excuses here. I should not have hit on a 16-year-old, even if she did start it. It's why I am so glad I don't teach at the Girl's High School here in Ohtawara. It's less temptation. The girls have no problem in throwing themselves at me, which is scary.  

Shaking All Over

There's a Japanese expression about some of the scariest things encountered in the daily lives of folks here - things that make the Japanese people shake with fear.

It's: "Jishan kaminari kaji oyaji."

Translated to English it simply means: "Earthquakes, thunder, fire and father".

Obvious by the latest news: HERE, Japan has a lot of earthquakes, and it's no wonder it's at the forefront of this list. Thunder - sure... a big clap of thunder can scare the beejezus out of anybody. Fire... same... the fact that fireman race into a fire when everyone else races away... well, whatever they get paid, it's not enough. Besides, fires are always a big problem after an earthquake. Father? Well, you only need to read this blog entry about ex lovely lady, Nobuko, myself and her father to get a better understanding of that ONE.

I'm not going to talk too much about earthquakes here - well... just a bit. Did you know that in Japan, there is a superstition that catfish are the cause of earthquakes.

While I can't speak for that one, there is some evidence to the fact that catfish are sensitive to changes in the electrical currents within the Earth that precede earthquakes, as they become very active swimming around and flopping around for about six or seven hours before one actually hits.

Now, that may be an old fisherman's tale, but then again, it kind of does explain the superstition.

As well, there is a bit of Japanese mythology regarding catfish and earthquakes: Namazu (鯰) is a giant catfish who lives deep within the Earth guarded by the god Kashima who basically ties down the catfish with a very large boulder. However, whenever  isn't looking, Namazu thrashes about wildly trying to escape, and causes earthquakes.

Somewhere a bit scared of Nobuko's dad - and catfish too, tasty though they are,
Andrew Joseph

Today's title is by Johnny Kidd & The Pirates: ORIGINAL1960.
PS: In the photo above Kashima surfs atop Nazuma in an unnecessary close-up of a stone carving I photographed at the Kashima shrine in Ibaraki-ken (Ibaraki Prefecture), immediately west of Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), where I lived in Ohtawara-shi, Japan. Apparently my astigmatism was in full bloom that weekend - hence the blurriness - or was this a photo taken with a box/disposable camera purchased from a vending machine?

Sushi Girl

There's a place in the Akihabara district of Tokyo that is considered pretty seedy - downright slimy even... which is odd considering it's in a nice, hip part of town.

But it's not necessarily because there's anything illegal going on at this place - rather, it's how it's staffed that is causing the scandal amongst those few who seem to care. But since it actually made the news, let's discuss.

Okay... maybe I was a little premature about saying it's in a nice neighbourhood:  is across the street from a vending machine that sells spaghetti in a can, and is below a 'total relaxation' massage parlour.

Nadeshico Sushi, which roughly translates into 'ideal woman'--especially if the 'c' in Nadeshico was replaced with a 'k'--has become infamous for more than their sushi.

You see, Nadeshico Sushi is Japan's first sushi restaurant to specifically feature beautiful, young female chefs. Think "Hooters" but with Japanese food... only these women aren't skimpily dressed. Nope. It's not because it's a trashy place, it's because it dares have women doing a job traditionally done by men, and men only.

The restaurant opened up late in 2010, and features a 17-seat counter where teh female chefs make sushi, like: sushi shaped like panda heads (I'm weird and even I have no idea why anyone thinks this is a good idea); frog heads (really?!) - bot covered with heart-shaped eggs.

Okay... it's probably not about the sushi - it's the fact that 90% of the customer base is men - hungry men. Hungry, horny men, who probably just want the chance to talk to a hot babe that isn't their wife, and/or girlfriend and/or mistress. I mean, I understand that.

Other sushi restaurants poo-poo the female venture with extreme distaste, saying that what Nadeshico Susho doesn't follow proper sushi-making techniques - and that's according to Masanori Nakamura, the owner of Sushi Nakamura in Tokyo.

You'll notice, however, that he doesn't really complain about the chefs being female... no... what he's ticked off at is that these chefs are making a mockery of the art of sushi making.

Y'see, it usually takes a male 10 years to learn the art of making sushi. Hell, I heard that you don't even get to hold a knife for your first year of apprenticeship! You must learn not only how to choose the perfect fish from the market, but clean, and slice it, how to form a perfect mound of rice to place said fish upon, and apparently learn how to talk to the customers, as there are some strict ways of doing so... you have to know the rhythm and cadence, while still being able to create the sushi.

Cripes... I know I've made sushi... I did it and it tasted good. It even looked half-decent. Time spent learning how to make sushi - 10 minutes. I would imagine that if I spent a week or so, I'd really have it down pat. 

And the thing is, the women at Nadeshico sushi actually get trained in the art of sushi-amking in two months... so they must be a heck of a lot better than me.

For the men, this is like going to medical school and graduating in three weeks. Of course, the women may just be faster studies, but I'm pretty sure I understand the Japanese male chef's concern. Someone has caught on that tradition can be a tad over stated here in Japan. Do you really need 10 years to learn how to make sushi? For crying out load, how long does it take for a person to become a doctor from the time they enter university? Ten years? Maybe slightly more? Maybe slightly less? The point is, we're talking about sushi.

I understand that for the Japanese, sushi is an institution... but so what? Grow up. If you want to grow as a culture, you need to grow as a culture. There are a few women scattered across Japan who actually are full blown sushi chefs--but don't be fooled... there is discrimination. You know they are gossiped about behind their back. At least the men (other sushi chefs) have had the fish guts to go on record and discuss their disgust (just not with me - so I'm not quoting them)

Apparently this sushi girls don't have to gut or slice the fish they serve - there are men to do that in theh back of the restaurant - out of sight and out of mind.

Kazuya Nishikiori, the owner of Nadeshico, claims he wanted to create a new model for working women in Japan, but only those between the ages of 18 and 25... because according to his business model, he wants 'fresh and cute'. I don't really blame him... he wants to have a successful business, but being an over the hill sushi girl chef is a little harsh.

Anyhow, did you know that the real reason why male sushi masters say women can't cut it as sushi chefs? They are too hot. Yup. Too hot, as in their hands possess a higher temperature than a man's - which can't be good when you are handling fresh fish. 

Really? I'd like to see proof of that one.

Others say women who wear make-up defile the purity of the fish.

Oh good kami (god). It's a fish. It's dead. Let's eat it.

Anyways, Nishikiori, who also runs an employment agency on the side does state that Nadeshico isn't a five-star restaurant, and that it's best to come in with low expectations. Geez, man... way to sell the place to the public.

He continues that really, he wants to attract young people and gaijin (foreigners). Geez... thanks a lot.

Here's a link to the place: SUSHI

Oh well... would I go there for a visit and try the sushi?

Somewhere knowing I'd buy sushi from hot women,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Tubes: CHERRYBLOSSOMSANDRICE.
PS: I just want to show that there is still a fair bit of prejudice for women in the workforce... and that Japan for all of the fun I had there, it' still very much a man's world.
PPS: I'll tell you some more about a few women I know, and the stories they told me about what it's like to be a woman in Japan.

Down Under

One of the things I love about being in the time I am living in (whatever year it is that you happen to be reading this), is that I live in an era where we have maps.
And not just any old maps, but rather ones that are fairly accurate.
Of course, on any given day, that brand new map or globe one bought yesterday could be woefully out of date as yet another country declares its independence before seeking global financial aid.
Anyhow, that is a poor segue into my topic du jour:

One day while I was sitting in the teacher's lounge having a dry martini while waiting for my clothes to dry after being forced to ride my bicycle to work in a typhoon (hurricane for those in the western hemisphere), one of the teacher's who shall remain nameless, because I have long forgotten who he is - if I ever knew - came up to me to talk to me in Japanese.
I was at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) in Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara, Tochigi-ken (Province/prefecture of Tochigi) in Japan. I was an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme who was probably over-paid to teach the local kids English while working with a Japanese teacher of English.
Now, as you may or may not now, I did not know how to speak Japanese before arriving in Japan - except for maybe the cliche 'domo arrigato, mister roboto.' And, after nearly two years here, my level of conversational Japanese had improved 100 per cent as I now knew eight Japanese words.
Regardless, knowledge of the Japanese language was not really necessary as I saw this History teacher approach. He had in his hands a long tube that had a strap so that he could carry it over his shoulder - even though he wasn't doing that, as it was in his hands.
He wanted to show me... the tube?
"Sugoi (neat-o)," I said.
He scowled at me and said something or another in Japanese, and then popped open the tube and pulled out a rolled piece of laminated paper.
It was a map.
"Sugoi (neat-o)" I repeated.
He continued to scowl at me and moved my martini out of the way by drinking it in one gulp.
He then unrolled the map placing some previously unseen full martini glasses down to hold it in place.
He was an ass for drinking my drink, but a gentleman for providing me with more.
However, seeing either the map unfurled on my desk, or perhaps sensing the plethora of booze in front of me, other teachers poured over to my desk to see what was going on.
With everyone sufficiently happy with the knowledge that there were enough drinks for every man, someone yelled at the closest available woman - the science teacher - and bade her to go and make some more drinks - shaken, not stirred, of course. I'm just assuming that last part, because no one had, until that point, said anything in English.
Another teacher - this one who spoke a modicum of English - looked at the map, sipped at his martini and said: "Ah so-ka. A Mapu." Which if my Japanese translation skills are any good means: "Oh yeah...  a map."
I chugged my martini lest the map guy try and suck it back for me, and looked about for another. Fortunately, the science teacher was smart enough to call all of the other female teachers to ask for help, and I had a beaker full of vodka (I prefer vodka over gin martini's) to guzzle.
I looked at the map closely, perhaps for the first time. My vision was either blurry from whatever chemicals were still in that unwashed science beaker, or this map was messed up.
The continents were upside down, but the English writing wasn't.
My English speaking anonymous friend said: "Ahh, thisu mapu izu ahpu-sidoh-down-mapu."
I read the inscription on the map (see photo above), and discovered that regardless of whatever the heck he had said, this map was an upside down map. Freaky.
While it was easy enough to spot Canada, I had great difficulty in finding Japan. It just wasn't oriented correctly, no pun intended. Or maybe it was.
Luckily the class bell rang and one of my English teacher's came into the lounge, ordered up a martini and came over to see what all the hub-bub was about, bub.
He said: "Ah so-ka. An-do-ryu sensi (Andrew teacher), thisu mapu izu ahpu-sidoh-down-mapu."
His English was understandable, unlike everyone else's in this school - probably because he wasn't drunk yet.
He said the map bearer had gone to Australia a few years previous and brought back this interesting map, as he was the Geography teacher and liked maps almost as much as some writers like to write the word 'map'.
Apparently I got what subject he taught wrong, too.
What the heck is in this martini beaker?
Anyhow, all of the teachers stood around wanting to know why Australia has a map like this.
"Jodan," I replied while smiling as my beaker was refilled.
"Jodan?" asked the English teacher not sure what English word I had uttered.
"It's a joke," I further explained, this time in English rather than Japanese.
"Ah so ka! Jodan!" yelled the English teacher.
"Jodan!?" yelled the rest of the teachers.
"Hai. So desu," I said.
Blank, deathly silence.
"Yes. It is," I repeated, also this time in English.
My English was translated back to the other teachers and everyone had a good laugh.  

And that  - excluding the made-up stuff about booze in school - was a typical day in Japan for me.

Somewhere wondering why no one understands me when I speak Japanese,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by: Australia's Men At Work: VEGAMITE
PS: By the way, in an effort to bring in and show me that wonderful map, that Geography teacher went out and spent the equivalent of $700 Cdn on that carrying case. Of course it was made of the skin of some animal that had just gone extinct, but I think he got his money's worth on the day's event.
PPS: I also have difficulty in understanding a lot of the Australians. But not the New Zealanders for some reason. Perhaps it's because the New Zealanders I met in Japan were usually my bartender. 
PPPS: I also prefer Marmite over Vegamite. Not really.
PPPPS: I forgot to post the photo on yesterday's blog. It's steamy hot.

Circle Of The Tyrants

So... after nearly two and a half years, I finally got a chance to talk to a Japanese person about their participation in WWII. Regulars - like you in South Korea, Slovenia, Denmark, Germany, China, Russia, the U.S. and Canada - will recall that doing this one little thing was a big reason for me wanting to be here. Sort of. You can read about that story HERE.
I live in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken in Japan. I live in the city's tallest building, a seventh floor white stucco exterior apartment building called Zuiko Haitsu or more affectionately, Zuiko Mansion - even by the Japanese. It's not New York or Toronto exclusive, but relative to other places in Ohtawara, I really did live in a mansion.
My apartment was on the third floor, on a wing that jutted out from the main building (Apartment 307). There was an apartment unit directly atop my floor (Apartment 407), and one directly below it (Apartment 207). Below apartment 207 was a convenience store that also doubled as a sake shop.
About once every two days, I'd stop by the place and grab a 2-liter bottle of Coca-Cola. Either a young man in his 30s would be there (he spoke a little English) or his father would be there with his mom. Neither of them spoke any English. Not even 'hello' or 'good-bye'.
The old man was quite the cheerful sort. He would engage me in lengthy conversations - and we'd laugh and have fun - and truly, it was a wonderful rife.
There was just one hitch. I never had any idea what the heck he was saying.
Truthfully, it didn't diminish a thing for me. He was trying to talk to me and find out more about me - and quite frankly it wasn't HIS fault I was too stupid to speak the language. But he always tried to speak to me.
I'd buy the odd bottle of beer and lots of snacks like Pocky or dried squid from him to eat with my Coke - but despite the plethora of sake (Japanese rice wine) he had in his shop, I never bought any. In fact, I never ever bought my own sake while in Japan, as I only drank it apparently, at enkai (parties), festivals and super drinking challenges. I mean, that stuff has a nasty habit of sneaking up on you and bashing you about the head.
Anyhow... on this particular occasion, the son was there in the store with his dad. The old man began talking to me in Japanese... and when I didn't give him the response he expected, he turned to his son and yelled at him. The son nervously spoke in very slow English telling me that his father wants to know if I would like to come for sake this Friday night.
What the hell? It's free, so I'm there. I don't want to give the impression I'm cheap - because I'm not. I spent damn near every YEN I earned while I was in Japan so far. And I had a great time doing so.
It was Wednesday, so I only had to wait a couple of days to get my groove on again with sake.
It's Friday now - 9PM. Writing is so much easier than real life - unless you have to live that real life before you write about it. Which I did. For you. Okay... mostly for me.
I walked down the back stairs to the ground level, and entered the shop that way. Bowing and yelling a booming greeting to my hosts for the evening.
The old man comes over and shakes my hand, and motions for me to sit near the back of the shop. He makes a motion that must be international asking if I want a drink. I smile and say "Hai (yes!)". He walks to the front of his now closed shop and grabs a very large fancy looking bottle of sake.
He shuffles over in his slippers and plops down on a chair opposite me. There's a small square table between us. We're quickly joined by his son carrying some glasses, and is immediately followed by the old man's wife who is carrying some food for us to nosh on while we are in the preparatory stages of getting drunk. She disappears, periodically returning to take away our plates and offer us more food. No women allowed at this shindig apparently.
We drank this massive bottle between the three of us as the son does his best to translate our drunken conversation.
The old man has mischievous, twinkling eyes as he asks me about my girlfriend Ashley - and all of the other women I seem to have over. I ask him how he knows. He says he and the family live in the apartment directly below me. Touche. I did not know that they lived there. I may be quiet, by not all of my guests are.
The three of us are now completely hammered... or at least the son was. The old man splays his legs, points to his crotch, mentions something about - and this was in English - "the wife" and gets up and leaves for a few minutes.
Since we're all best buddies and have already talked about sex, I ask him how old he is, and if he was in the war (WWII). Now there was some discrepancy about his actual age, but he was in the war for the Imperial Japanese Army... in fact... he was fighting on some god-forsaken island armed to the teeth when the Americans set an offensive to liberate the island from the Japanese. He says the battle raged on for weeks on this tiny, humid island. It went on so long that he and his comrades were out of ammunition, had clothes torn, and were starving - and actually couldn't wait for the Americans to win the battle.
He said since it would have been dishonourable to simply surrender without a fight, he (and he couldn't speak for the rest of his troops - he was a lowly Private) purposely kept shooting to miss his targets, hoping that they would run out of ammunition faster, so they could be over-run and could get out of this war alive.
Apparently that still took weeks. And by the time it was over, he and his comrades were so glad to see the Americans that they actually had smiles on their faces as they were captured.
I'd never heard a war story like that before. Seems more real than all that John Wayne crapola I was spoon fed as a youngster.
We polished off another bottle (at least the old man and I did) while he slowly told his tale... and at around Midnight, it was time for us to go to sleep. His son tried to help him up, but he pushed him away. As he swayed slightly I grabbed him around the wasit and he around my shoulders and we began to walk up the back stairs to his apartment.
Now halfway up, that must have been when the earthquake hit, because we were both thrown against the stairwell walls as we bravely fought our way up to his frontdoor.
He reached for the doorknob slightly bent over and stayed there a moment too long for my liking.
"Daijobu? (Are you okay?)" I asked.
He grunted, farted a long smelly one, stood up, opened his front door, turned to me, stuck out his right hand for me to shake.
I was having none of that and leaned in and gave him a hug and a slap on the back. And said "Domo arigato gozaimasu (Thank you very much - in a formal way)".
He smiled, eyes twinkling, bushy eyebrows going up and down, mentioned something in English about 'the wife' again, and said 'bai-bai'. And then locked the door.
I turned to walk up the stairs to my apartment and saw his son standing there pounding on the front door begging to be let in. I yelled a good night to him - and he to me.
I staggered up to my apartment and took the longest pee I've ever had. Crawled to my bedroom laid down, realized that was a bad idea. Got up grabbed a Coke and watched television for a few hours until I sobered up. At 3AM, I went to sleep and woke up at 10AM.
Sunday morning.

Somewhere missing a day,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by: Celtic Frost. It's not bad for real metal! AAOOOWWW
PS: No PS... I'm in a coma.
PPS: This one is in honour of all veterans who have gone to war.

Gee Whiz

One of the things I get to do living out in the country - far away from Tokyo... like about 200 kilometres away... I'm afforded the luxury of getting away from people.

Despite my reckless abandon and wild persona, I'm actually kind of shy and prefer the shadows to the limelight. It means I value my privacy.

Sounds like complete bullcrap, doesn't it? I mean, here I am baring myself to you, oh gentle reader, with nary a though for my own ego.

The way I figure it, it happened. Learn from it. Let's move on. It's also kind of funny, eh?

Ohtawara-shi is a city. There were about 50,000 people in this smallish burg, in the province of Tochigi-ken. Sounds like a lot, but the city was spread out over quite a large area.

Anyhow... I get to ride my over-sized (by Japanese standards) blue bicycle, that was cobbled together by one of the hundreds of bicycle shop owners that populate my city.

I have a lock for it, and because I'm from Canada, I actually use it - old habits die hard, I suppose. From what  I could see - Japanese folks are by and by the large part very trustworthy. Okay... that's only sort of true - at least as far as bicycles go.

In Tokyo, I did observe a lot of locked bicycles - but then again, there are a lot more gaijin (foreigners/outsiders) around. As well, at the local Nishinasuno eki (train station) that's about a 20-minute ride to the northwest - there are a lot of bicycles locked up.

But at my schools, no one locks their bikes. And, I can honestly tell you, not once did I hear about anyone having their bike stolen.

But trust and bicycles are not what this episode is about.

While riding my bicycle through the roads disguised as pathways that cut between the rice paddies here in Ohtawara, I have noticed that during every single trip, there are rice farmers--Japanese gentlemen--relieving themselves right there in the paddies.

I'm unsure if this is part of Japanese irrigation techniques, or if this actually part of Japanese farming techniques. I mean really... have you ever tasted Japanese rice? It has a very unique flavour.

Somewhere relieved this blog is over,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title was brought to you by me. But was sung by: Carla Thomas
She's Number One in my books: HERE
Pee Ess: I've sometimes found Japanese rice to have a nice warm sake (Japanese rice wine) flavour, though that could just be my warped imagination.

Sympathy For The Devil

Now well into my third year of living in Japan - I've had my ups and downs. It's been pretty much self-induced - girl troubles et al, and has nothing to do with what I have experienced here. It's been pretty much all good. Oh sure, I may have whined every once in a while to my bosses at the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) or to my friends (Matthew, Kristine, Colin and Jimmy Jive), but it has been a wonderful rife.
I have managed to develop a keen relationship with darn near everyone in my office, schools and city. Communication is the key to internationalization... though sometimes I wonder where the lock is.
One of the factors in proper communication, is understanding the cultural and individual differences that exist between people. Having met many foreigners since arriving here in my city of Ohtawara, the populace has had the opportunity to determine for itself that not all gaikokojin (the proper way to say 'foreigner'... really gaijin implies 'outsider') are the same. Ohtawara-shi (city of Ohtawara) knows I am an idiot.
Every time I see one of my Japanese friends, they can be sure I will say (in Japanese) - "Hello. How are you? (Konichi-wa. O-genki desu ka)". That's pretty much it. I don't speak any more Japanese than that. It's not that I can't, It's just that I don't want to. 
That sounds wrong, doesn't it? Truthfully, I'm afraid to get close to them.
Part of the problem is that I have absolutely no idea what their name is. You've seen it before in this blog, and I'll belabor the point again. I know them, but I don't know them. To me, it's hypocritical of me to try and get to know people better when you're too stupid to know who you are talking to.
"Mister Nakazakiyamahanamurasuzuki-san... it's 'san', isn't it?"
Sound impressive, but 'san' means 'Mr/Mrs and perhaps even Ms'.
I mean... I know these people... it's just that - for example, when I first met the people at the OBOE, I had been in Japan for less than four days. I had never heard Japanese spoken before, and when I did, it sounded like another language to me. You know what I mean.
Other times, I would meet people at enkai's (parties). I'd be introduced to them, but they'd either be drunk or I would be, or we'd both be.
I used to say: "I am not 'yopari'. I am drunk." Which is kind of like being welcomed to the Department of Redundancy Department.
But I'm the gaikokojin, here. When they say their name, they don't really cut me any slack. They speak like most people do over the telephone: (in English) "Herro. Mai ne-mu izu..." now this part, because it is Katakana English, is said extremely and painfully slow. It's this next part that screws me up: "Nakazakiyamahanamurasuzuki-san."
It's said at a speed exceeding the sound barrier (Hey! Maybe the sonic boom impedes my understanding of the name!). Of course they say their name fast - it's all in Japanese.
Generally, they say they want to be your friend and get English lessons from you - but no one ever tells you their first name! Even if they do, it's said so quickly you'll end up butchering it ... which is okay, because they can't say your name either. I'm not Andrew... I'm An-do-ryu.
Since arriving here I've been An-do-ryu, Man-do-ryu, An-do-re, Hurricane An-do-ryu, Mista Dragon and Gaijin-san - hey, at least they call me Mr/Mrs and/or Ms.
Of course, 99 per cent of the people here are unaware that An-do-ryu is not my family name. But that's cool. That doesn't bother me... I just wish I knew who they were.
Why don't I have more real Japanese friends?  Okay, I suppose I should have learned the language like Matthew or Kristine - but honestly, I'm not that good at languages, though I do speak English swell.
What am I going to small talk about with the Japanese? Hey, how's the wife and kids? What? You don't have a wife or kids? Oh.
I have noticed that the Nihonjin (Japanese people) tend to spend an inordinate amount of time discussing the weather. I think that's because Japanese protocol won't allow them to discuss personal particulars with each other. How many times can you ask someone how their family is when you don't even know if they have one. If he doesn't, your insensitive question could offend him for life--not that you'd ever find out, because discussing personal matters just isn't done... though they do seem to want to know a heck of a lot about the personal life and grooming habits of foreigners.
I have said 'him' a lot in this blog... mostly because I find the Japanese women a tad too timid to talk too. Most look like they'll explode if you talk to them, though so far, none have.

Somewhere trying to blow-up a woman (not an inflatable one) (yet),
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by the The Rolling Stones: LIPS.
PS: People - when you meet someone, say your name slow - and the same goes when leaving your phone number on an answering machine - slow... I shouldn't have to listen to a message six times to figure out a number or name!
PPS: Remember - the people of Ohtawara were, for the most part, already familiar with who I am... saying my name has never been a problem because the Japanese tend to break all English words down into Katakana English to make it easier for them to pronounce. Personally.. that's cheating.
PPPS: Even my bosses - Kanemaru-san and Hanazaki-san... I know their first names because I have their business cards (which Matthew translatd for me)... but calling them anything but Mr. Kanemaru et al, just wasn't done... My girlfriend, Nobuko and Shibata-sensei are two exceptions - where I could call them by their first name... Nobuko obviously, but Shibata Ryoichi - heck, he allowed me in a step closer. Cheers, buddy!

Charlie Don't Surf

I had originally entitled this: Downhill Lizards.
While I was riding by bike to Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Dai Chu aka Ohtawara Junior High School), I had the feeling I had slipped into a Dr. Seuss book. It was just like: And to Think I Saw It On Mulberry Street (see HERE), except that this street like all of the streets in Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara) had no street sign to tell me what street I was on. It made me wonder briefly just how the mail service worked.
But anyway... what I saw: The sights, the sounds, the throngs of people... whew! I guess you had to be there. Well enough of that.
The next day, I saw a gaggle of primary school kids (Sho Gakusei - kids in Grade 1-6). I knew they were primary school kids because they said "Hello" rather than "Herro" to me... anyhow, they were gathered in the centre of the goat path that was the road... I circled around them to see what the heck they were doing and noticed they were saying goodbye kitty to a former fur x four (that's a pun on the 4 x 4 vehicle), that had apparently been hit in a hit-and-scram.
During our rubber-necking, a middle-aged mother in a small white car drove by and honked at the kids to get out of the road because that "gaijin (foreigner) might be dangerous. The kids looked at me, said "Hello" and left. I must say that although the woman's statement irked me a bit - as did seeing two small children standing on the front passenger seat of her car - something else captured my attention.
There, just above the "Kiss Me I'm Italian" bumper sticker were three sets of skis held in place via a ski rack. It got me thinking, but then, so too did the dead cat. She didn't look like she was going skiing. Was she taking the kids? No!... the skis were all adult sized. Do pirates go to heaven? When do Japanese people take time off from, work to go skiing?
I arrived at school and noticed that 39 of the teachers there had cars with skis attached to the roof of their vehicles. One even had a surfboard. An inquiry was in order.
I found out that 47% of the teachers had never been skiing., and 49% had - though it had been when they were in primary school, and 1% had heard that all Americans like surfing. The remaining 3% was a woman who says she goes skiing often - and invited me to join her next time.
Apparently most Japanese use skis, ski racks and surfboard as a means of showing off their care-free abandon.
So... weeks later when it was finally cold enough to actually be winter in Japan, I went on that ski trip. We left at 4AM in her new white car, and hit a traffic jam... as apparently all other 3%'s know that 4AM is the best time to avoid the rush.
Getting to a local course at 11AM, I squeezed my Japanese size 30 (10-1/2) foot into the largest ski boot in Japan - a 27 (Japanese shoe sizes are based on centimetres). I then popped on the skis. My friend, looked at me and laughed. She asked me where my ski suit was. I was wearing jeans and a winter coat. She was wearing... how does one describe a technicolour yawn?
I looked around and noticed the fashion (non)sense of the average (and how) skier. I guess the Japanese figured that if a golfer can do it, so too can they.
How do I describe it? Well, it's like someone took a big box of Crayloa crayons - not the 48... the big ones - the 64 with the sharpener at the back - melted the crayons (it has a melting point of 128 to 147 degrees Fahrenheit - really), turned on a fan, held a white ski suit in front of it and then dumped the coloured wax in front of the fan... and then added a violent day-glo colour.
I could be wrong... does Crayloa make a larger box of crayons?
The most interesting aspect of my first attempt at downhill skiing was watching the others to learn their techniques. I guess I didn't quite get the grasp of it as I didn't fall down and scream very much.
By the end of the day, I was getting pretty good at maneuvering around the fallen, crumpled bodies.
Hey! Maybe that's why they wear such bright clothing! It's so the ski patrol and the ambulances know where the bodies are! It also hides the blood.
By 2PM, it was time to leave, and spend another seven hours in a traffic jam because all the other skiers thought it would be a great time to avoid the rush.

Somewhere wondering who moves the dead animals to the side of the road,
Andrew Joseph 
Today's title is by The Clash: You can hear it HERE.
PS: In the photo above, that's some of my Lego (I mean my son's Lego.. ahem...): A Japanese samurai wearing skis and carrying a surfboard. Banzai!

PPS: In the photo down here, that's Nobuko about two years before I met her - despite the perfect straight black hair... I prefer the more mature do she sports during OUR time together - see HERE for an example of her hair
PPPS: Notice the pink blotch in the lower left corner? Ski suit.