Love Me Two Times

Here's an aside about what I was going through in Japan. I found a slip of paper stuffed into my diary, and it could have been written at any time within the first two years of my life living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. I've edited it a bit.

Why is it that I keep on getting women with self-destructive personalities chasing after me?

I effing hate it.

Is it because I'm the some-what nice stable guy with a good sense of humour who seems to have it going all around me? Wow... if they only knew. But then, maybe I would have it all together if it wasn't for them. Yeah... probably.

I have never really chased a woman in my life. I have lusted after them - sure. That's what being a hetero-sexual guy is all about. It's part of the genetic make-up. I've always, at least since arriving here in Japan, pretty much just sat back and let the chips fall where they may.

I wonder why I was so infatuated with Ashley. She was my first girlfriend here in Japan... and we met on our second day in Tokyo, Japan arriving in late July of 1990 - she from Augusta, Georgia, USA and me from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. She was 21, me 25. I was a virgin.

Not from lack of trying, mind you... or perhaps it was a lack of trying. I was always too damn shy to talk to women, let alone ask them out. The ones I did ask out were already my friend by then... a useless, no-win situation. Guys... if you are friends with a woman, but you want more, that's a tough road to travel. It can be done, but is it worth the hassle?

Guys usually want convenience... we'll take what is around us, unless something better comes along.

It's the only explanation I can come up with for not making a play for Kristine. Ahhh, Kristine. I met her essentially my first day in Japan. I was walking through the lobby of the atrium, when this ultra sexy kitten sitting on a couch with a pair of crutches beside her and her ankle all bandaged up shouted out to me as I passed by.

"Hey! Hi!" she said. I replied in kind, probably a tad stunned that someone as pretty as her would deign acknowledge my existence let alone start up a conversation with me.

She was/is pretty, smart and has a wicked sense of humour. She was a take-charge type of person, and having always been shy my entire life (despite having been a journalist for the Toronto Star newspaper - that was work, so it was different, I guess), I was only too glad to accept her invite to join her and her group for a look around Tokyo.

To be honest, I was actually very afraid to leave the hotel by myself... I was just going to look around the lobby and perhaps peer out the front doors to see what Tokyo was like. I had/have no concept of how to speak the language and didn't know what to expect from the Japanese. But that first adventure out with Kristine and the rest of her Kinki block kids... well, it pretty much set the table as far as what Japan and the Japanese were like.
Briefly, because I did write about it once before: HERE - we went out, got lost, saw a soapland massage parlour, saw a transvestite call out to us, nearly died (me, anyways) and then were led back to our hotel by a very nice Japanese businessman who went completely out of his for several kilometers to lead us back to our hotel.

Sex, death and kindness.

Kristine, unfortunately, lives 500 kilometers west of me. the distance is not conducive to having a relationship... because despite wanting sex, I also wanted a relationship. I'm pretty sure I could have got both from my special K, but circumstances of distance dictated otherwise.

That left Ashley... again, I have no idea why she felt the need to hook up with me that second evening, as all of the new assistant English teachers (AETs) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme got together for the first time with some of the returnees... but she did. It was her lead. I just followed.

I've always been a kind of go-with-the-flow kind of guy, much to my chagrin. I'm envious of those leader types.

People seem to think I'm a leader here because I am outspoken, everybody here in Ohtawara seems to really like me, I make friends easily despite not knowing how to speak the language, and also because I actually give a crap about what is going on in people's life--both the Japanese and us, gaijin (foreigners). I try to put people at ease. I try and listen to people and offer advice. It might not be the right advice, but at least I offer some and try to help.

You wouldn't believe how many female teachers I have had personal one-on-one conversations with since I arrived! It's like when I showed my shock at how much this place is a male-dominated society... that first day at my OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) office or my first day at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School)... I was politely asked by a woman if I wanted a cup of o-cha... green tea.

I had learned very early on before leaving Toronto that it's impolite to reject hospitality in Japan. I had already tasted o-cha, and wasn't overly impressed by it. Still, every day now for the past two years, I have had maybe six or seven cups of it a day. There are strong differences between the teas, as I am sure every place uses a different brand of green tea... and you know what, after about two days of seven cups a day, I started to like it, and would look forward to it... but here's my point.

It was only the female teachers or OBOE workers who would make the tea and serve it to the men. Ever. I went to help the women once, and was told by some of the male teachers not to. So I did it again the next day. That was when I gained the respect of every woman in that school.

I guess word spread like wildfire, because I soon had women--married and single--coming up to me to ask my advice about their sexist husband, boyfriend or how to find a man who wasn't a a sexist pig. I told some of them to look for a non-Japanese guy and pray he isn't a sexist pig.

Though I am of Indian descent (the dot, not the feather), I was born in London, England, and lived my life in Canada from the age of 3 to 25 before arriving here in this small little rice-field city of Ohtawara.

Indian men are pretty chauvinistic. The Brits were, though perhaps not this decade... and the Japanese men are... wow... what century is this? Despite my background, my parents raised me well. My folks shared everything. So, not every Indian is a sexist pig, because my dad sure as hell wasn't one.

Also... growing up in Canada, I've really only known what it is like to be a Canadian. I am Canadian. Though I think I am developing Japanese tendencies, as I often catch myself bowing in acquiesce while on the telephone. So... with good parenting and living in a much free-er society than most, I consider myself to not be a chauvinistic bastard. I certainly have never tried to take advantage of a woman, I'm pretty sure I never will.

But here... what the hell is going on? Now that I am out of those virgin doldrums - thanks Ashley! - I seem to draw women who are flawed. Needy. Unable to think outside of themselves to think about "us".

It really pisses me off.

The only time I did find a woman who thought about "us" was in Thailand, were two women dated me separately and together without jealousy or without any ulterior motive. It was go out, have fun together, share a few laughs, have physical contact - sex... it was no big deal... but let me tell you... it was a big deal.

Any guy who just wants sex is not a man. A real man wants it all: Go out, have fun together, share a few laughs, and then have physical contact... yes I just repeated myself, because it bears repeating.

Any man, or any woman for that matter, who just wants sex without any of the above... they are flawed.

Now... I admit that I have had sex with women without any of that other good stuff... but it was NEVER, ever by MY choice. Sure it takes two to Tango (three to form a Conga line, but only one to do the Twist), but when the flow of blood travels down from your brain to elsewhere and the woman is hot to trot, common sense tends not to prevail.

I'm talking about Japanese women and gaijin women.. each who have tried to get what they thought they wanted--sex--from me perhaps to validate their own pathetic existence.

But that's not what I am here on this planet for.

I am not here to validate you.

I am here to validate me... and despite liking sex a lot and being quite good at it, that's not the be-all and end-all for me.

I want - have always wanted to find the right person with whom I could be happy with the rest of my life.

I have chased after Ashley more than anyone else here because she was my first... and I suppose I feel some sort of stupid attachment to her.

But shy Shoko too afraid to come out and date me by herself... stalker chick, Junko who only wanted sex, sex and more sex... Karen who wants me for a boyfriend (tried to ingratiate herself with my mother--successfully), but I only want sex, and not her for a girlfriend, so we've not done anything yet... Cathy, who wanted to feel loved and thought by offering me sex would help her achieve that... and a host of others I have never mentioned to you before.

I think only Canadian girl Christine was the only one who had it together. She didn't want a relationship per se, but was confident in herself, and simply enjoyed sex... no strings attached. I messed that one up by allowing Ashley to come back to me.

I have never chased a woman... they have all chased after me, broken up with me and then got back with me.

I think it's because if you were stupid enough to let me go, I sure as hell am not going to chase after you. But, when you think you have your crap together and realize your life would be better with me included, then, if I am able, I might welcome you back.

I said might.

I'm getting older, and a tad wiser.

Maybe I should seriously start scoping out who I want to be with and maybe I should make the first move... that way I don't just have needy, psychotic women chasing after me.

Someone who is smart, charming, witty and beautiful.

Why can't I have it all? I have all of those characteristics, but via more masculine verbiage. I deserve it.

That's it! I'm going to do it.

Then I won't be such a miserable prick... at least that's how I feel internally. Poor Matthew. He's my buddy and fellow AET who lives here in Ohtawara with me, but teaches at the junior high schools outside of town. He puts up with my moody moods stoically and has done a great job of bringing me out of them. It's a pity I have allowed myself to slip back down whenever another woman tries to become involved in my life.

I'm not blaming the whole female species for me being less than happy internally. But there sure have been a lot of them. Why don't the non-needy ones chase me?

Maybe I should just forgo women for a while and just concentrate on enjoying Japan and Japan alone? That was why I originally came here, wasn't it? No... it was to get laid.

But, mission accomplished, by some 25+ different women. Not bad for a guy who had a girlfriend for a year and didn't cheat on her. Maybe I should be more like Canadian Christine... enjoy have sex when it's available but don't worry about it.

But you know what... when you haven't had sex until you were nearly 26... there's always that nagging feeling that the last time you had sex might actually BE the last time you have sex.

Somewhere, enjoying Japan for the first time--again,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by the Doors: MORRISONRULES!
PS: And you know what... I did do what I said I would do. I decided to forget about women for awhile, to spurn their advances, and not advance on them (not that I did). It took a little getting used to... but over the next little while, you will start to see a change in the way I started to live my life. You know what the only problem was? I developed a different type of stress.. one that only food could help.
PPS: Over the next little while: The rise of Andrew Joseph... which unfortunately means his stomach. But even that can't last. Nothing ever does with Andrew, he writes in the 3rd person narrative.
PPPS: So...I whine quite a bit in this entry. But that's okay. I'm sharing. I have nothing to hide. Nothing at all. I think it's time to start letting myself become more... me.

When The Levee Breaks

I'm going to combine a couple of days here because not a lot happens



Sunday, September 29, 1991. Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.



I'm an assistant English teacher on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme, and arrived here back in late July 1990.



... I'm kind of waiting to see what fallout there is from Ashley (my ex-girlfriend but current occasional sleeping partner) and Karen (who wants me for a boyfriend) going to Nikko-shi (City of Nikko) together for a few days.



At this time, I am unaware if either really knows anything about my involvement with the other. Ashley and I had hooked up on our second day here. Karen arrived a year later and hung out with my mother a month ago when she came for a visit. Worlds colliding!



Here's what is going on:

Ashley is from Augusta, Georgia, USA, brunette:

1. Ashley and I broke up about four months ago; 


2. We decided two months ago that we trusted each other enough that we could still sleep together;


3. She doesn't want a boyfriend... or not one who was crowding her;


4. She always came to my place, so I am unsure what crowding I was providing.

Karen is from North Bay, Ontario, Canada, redhead:

1. Karen and I met after I was part of Tochigi JET committee to welcome newcomers; 


2. Hot and heavy to start, she begged us to slow down so that we could first become boyfriend/girlfriend;


3. She hung out with my mom sewing pillow covers for my couch; 


4. She traveled with my mom ingratiating herself.

Shoko is from Ohtawara, Tochigi, Japan, raven-haired:

1. Shoko and I first met at a party hosted by the Ohtawara International Friendship Association;


2. May have joined my night school English class due to urging from mutual friend Naoko, whom my mom wished I was dating... or Karen... but not Ashley. She never met Shoko. I don't think my mom cares for shy girls for me; 


3. Tall, slender, shy and cute, she doesn't speak much English, but she likes Andrew. A lot;


4. She and Andrew have tried to make a date happen, but Andrew must have angered the gods, as the date has not yet happened.  

Andrew is from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, dunderhead: 

1. Was a virgin, but not virginal before arriving in Japan; He owes Ashley one cherry;  


2. Despite what Ashley wants, he can't stand losing, and wants her back as a girlfriend;  


3. Despite what Karen wants, she has some baggage, and he doesn't want a girlfriend;


4. Thinks he knows what Shoko wants, and thinks he wants a girlfriend.

You know what? If I had just stopped and made a list like this back in 1991, I would have realized just how stupid I was making my wonderful rife! Hell... should we add in Cathy, who just wanted to sleep with me (or maybe wanted a boyfriend)? What about Kristine, whom I adore, she likes me, would have slept with me, but I thought she might have been to good for me? Then there was Christine... she just wanted sex, but I just wanted to get back with Ashley (after we first broke up in November 1990). And what about the two Thai women - gorgeous Tookta and ravishing Boon-mee... I slept with them separately, and together! There was proof that I am good enough for anyone! What about Junko... my hot-to-trot stalker who had the looks and talent to put a Miss Universe to shame, provided the talent was sexual? There are still others, but most were just one-nighters!

Can't we all just get along? Like the two Thai chicks and myself? That's international fraternization!

So... I didn't even mention that I am teaching junior high school English at seven school here in Ohtawara. I also teach an English class to the Ohtawara International Friendship Association for a few bucks once a week. I play kyudo (Japanese archery). I am the editor and chief bottle-washer for the Tochigi JET newsletter The Tatami Times. I am the ear and conscience for many an AET who has troubles, concerns, or just wants to share a laugh. I don't smoke. Started drinking - but never at home. I never sleep, it seems, and when I do, it's not well. I've been hit twice by cars while riding my bicycle. I owned a motorcycle, but it scared the crap out of me so I sold it after only riding it once. I'm growing my hair and have it in a pony-tail. I'm charming, smart and very witty and have a huge ego thanks to all of this. Yet, I don't think I show off my ego, as I tend to be self-deprecating. It keeps me grounded. I love Japan. Japan loves me. I feel like I'm being pulled in a thousand directions all at once. Friends like James and especially Matthew help keep me pointed in the right direction.

Whenever I am in a state of flux, I clean my apartment. Today is no exception. I do laundry, vacuum, iron, go shopping for food at Iseya and then visit a small hobby store and purchase a video game for my Sega Game Gear hand-held system - it's a tank battle game.

I get it home, and everything is in Japanese. The instructions are in Japanese, but so too is the game play! What the hell does it say? 

Oh yeah... I speak Japanese like a six-year-old, and can not read or write the language... at least not at a level worth mentioning. Rather than spending my time studying the language, I am reading history books and talking to the Japanese to get as much data as possible on what Japanese life is all about.  Remember... this is 1991... before the Internet became full of information and porn.

I wonder what the hell Ashley and Karen are talking about?    

Now, it's Monday, September 30, 1991. I'm at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School, also known as Dai Chu /Big Middle). I love this school. yes, it's the largest of my seven schools, but I never feel lost here. I almost feel like a teacher here and less like a gaijin (foreigner) than anywhere else.

I have three classes today, and all of them are second-years... Grade 8 (13-year-olds). It's the same format as with most schools... good but a tad boring. I read the New Horizons textbook at normal foreigner speed, so that the students can hear what a normal conversation might sound like. Then I read it slowly so that the students can hear how the English words should be pronounced. Then the students read it together with me. Then students read it individually with me or with me providing positive feedback. There is always positive feedback. You never want to make anyone suddenly hate English because the teacher or AET was a dick.

Lunch is natto. Natto is rotting fermented soy beans. We mix in some soy sauce and some hot mustard with the natto and then pour the gloopy, smelly mess onto a bed of hot rice and eat away with chopsticks.

From what I've been told... the eastern and northern parts of Japan will eat natto, but the western part - no way in hell. 

Most gaijin won't eat it, but... for myself... I now look at stuff like that and say, yeah... I have to eat it. The Japanese often expect gaijin to not eat or like certain foods or drinks, because they are not Japanese... but dammit! I came to this country to blow away stereotypes! Gaijin don't eat natto? Screw that! I'll eat it and tell you it's delicious!

To prove a point, or perhaps because the natto destroyed my tastebuds and sense of smell, I take home three packets of natto (my natto was packaged in a small 3" x 3" styrofoam package about one-inch deep. The natto had a thin, but thick clear plastic film atop it, and came with a small plastic package of soy sauce and one of hot mustard that sat in the package atop the film.

The school even packs a couple of tupperware containers of rice for me. So... at home... I have two packages of natto for dinner. And one for breakfast.

Since I have night school tonight, I make sure I gargle the hell out of my mouth to wash the bad breath away. And... it's a very good thing I do. I now have 19 women in my class (and five men). The women are getting younger and hotter.

Shoko is there, and man does she look yummy. So I ask her out! I also give her a birthday present (forgive me, but I did not note what it was that I gave her!). She says yes... but I'll call her and set it up!

Matthew comes over and we watch an episode of Magnum PI. When he leaves, I call home and thank my dad for the Spanish phrase book that I can use to converse with a Peruvian student at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) the next time I visit. 

Somewhere expecting the other shoe to drop,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is sung by Zeparella: WAITFORIT.

PS: When the Levee Breaks is a Led Zepellin song, but they didn't write it! It was written by Memphis Minnie and Kansas Joe McCoy. I'm unsure if it's Kansas Joe from Kansas or Missouri. Anyhow... Zeparella... chicks rocking out to a Led Zep cover! They're pretty and pretty good!  

I Wanna Be A Cowboy

It's Monday, September 9, 1991.

Along with my girlfriend Ashley (or maybe we're not boyfriend/girlfriend and just in it for the benefits), we participated in the Yoichi Nasu Kyudo (Japanese archery) Matsuri yesterday.

I actually hit a target—just not my own. Oh well...

When I did hit that target - everyone at the tournament gasped with shock... how could a gaijin (foreigner) play our sport so well! And then when they saw it was not my target they all unclenched their sphincters.

I'm just guessing.

The Japanese are a notoriously proud people - as well they should be. But to ensure that you - the gaijin - are aware that what your are seeing, doing or wearing is actually Japanese, they will refer to it as a Japanese so-and-so.

Examples I can easily toss out are: Japanese rice; Japanese chopsticks; Japanese kimono. It does seem, at first glance for a guy coming over from Canada, to be completely ridiculous, as these items in Canada are simply known as rice, chopsticks and kimono.

I supposed that if I were at a Chinese restaurant I'd be eating Chinese rice with my chopsticks while wearing a Chinese kimono. Or Indian rice with my Indian chopsticks (also known as fingers) while wearing my Indian kimono (sari).

I get it... There are other countries that offer a similar product (Korea does have a kimono - though I doubt they call it one), and the Japanese just want to ensure you/me/us know that it is of Japanese origin - and that everybody stole it from Japan.

That's a paraphrase from a Gilligan's Island television episode:

Gilligan: "I thought it was Chinese water torture."
Japanese Soldier: "They copied it from Japan."

I love that line... even though they had a guy with an Italian name play the part of the Japanese soldier - Vito Scotti.

Anyhow... I'm feeling blah! It's an office day because all of the recent school festivals meant the students weren't doing enough work... so they wanted to keep me out for a day to help teachers and students get back into the swing of things... or something like that. I usually got explanations for things, but often it was tell me where I'm going and who cares about the explanation, as I knew it would be a difficult thing to have translated for me.

It looks like the typhoon is about to hit - again. I go into the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office - and the first thing I tell all all of the anxious faces is: "Dame!  Ze-ro" (essentially, "no way - zero" ). I explain all of my bad luck yesterday - leaving out the sex, and everyone gets a chuckle because it is rather funny, and I have a big grin on my face as I re-tell the days events.

Kanemaru-san invites me to participate in another kyudo tournament next weekend. I actually want to participate now... but I have committed to be part of some JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme dance event in Nikko.

I go home at lunch and do some more of my puzzle... it's not coming as easily as the last one that I seemingly did in my sleep one evening, as my brain took over and just kept slapping down piece after piece until I forced myself to regain control.
 
I write another letter to my brother Ben, and receive one from my gal Kristine who lives 500 kilometres away. Brains, beauty and a fantastic sense of humour - she always seemed too good for me, and 20 years later, I congratulate myself on being correct.

Back at the OBOE office - I goof around some more. I do some work on a couple of stories, and do a few puzzles. It's a nice change of pace from being on the go and being so in-demand nearly every day. I don't mind that, but it is nice to do nothing and get paid for it.

I ride home in the drizzle and sit amongtst my messy apartment and do more of my puzzle. I am actually unaware as to when my apartment finds the time to get messy, as it seems like I tidy up every day. God! Am I anal retentive neat? My parents would have a heart attack if they knew that, because I have always been messy. I guess now that I have people (and especially women) going in and out of my place, I want the place to look like it belongs to a guy who knows how to look after himself.

I watch some sumo (Japanese wrestling) on television and then race off to teach at my night school English conversation class for beginners that I do to make some extra cash on the side. Basically, it helps pay for the food Ashley and Matthew consume. :)

I have four new students tonight... all female of course. The majority of my class is female. I'm not complaining, but I really do think that most of them spend the entire time there making eyes at me and then demurely lowering the head when I look at them.

Of my new students, two are actually from Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) - but unlike any I've met at that school... these ones do not understand anything I say... even when I ask them: "What is your name?"

They point at their nose, as if to grasp that I am indeed talking to them... I am... I'm looking right at them and have leaned in close. But... they can't even answer that until my other students translate for them.

But that's okay... it is a beginner's course, afterall. Why would anyone come here if they didn't need to be here? Not for me, I hope.

My other two students are women in their late 40s or early 50s... I really seem to have a look cougars like - horny.

Not surprisingly... Shoko is absent. She and I were supposed to go out for a date last Friday. She was to have called me and told me when and where. She did try, but I must have missed her call. That sucks... but I hope she isn't avoiding me?

Last night Naoko came over to talk. Naoko likes myself and Matthew - but just as friends. My mom visited here last month and was really quite disappointed that Naoko and I were only friends, and spend an inordinate amount of time looking for a husband for Naoko if I wasn't going to step up... and I wasn't.

Shoko and Naoko are friends. I explained what happened, and I assume that now Shoko knows. It wasn't me being malicious or afraid or anything like that... just crappy timing.

At break, while everyone goes off to chat, I sit at my desk by myself and wonder what the hell I am going to teach them tonight. I really should come up with a teaching plan, but I have always preferred to just wing it!

I decide to teach them some very difficult 'tense' material... but the class keeps surprising me and gets most of it.

I ride home after class, take a whiz and then go over to Matthew's place to watch a television show - Robin Hood - until midnight. It's a good but not great program, because the archery in it... is not Japanese.

Somewhere this Indian wants to find a kimono-clad Cowgirl,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by: Boy's Don't Cry: YOYO

 

 

I Was Made For Loving You

It's Friday, September 6, 1991. I'm an assistant English teacher (AET) on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme living in the smallish city of Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.

I've been here for a little over 13 months and while I've been a happy camper towards the Japanese, women troubles have irked my brain causing me some pretty decent lows. Like today.

It's an office day, meaning I go into the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) offices. Generally speaking, I don't do anything when I'm here. I write letters home and write short stories that no one will ever read except a chosen few, and also put together a newsletter for the Tochigi-ken JET AET's called the Tatami Times.

It's my pride and joy here, as I have full editorial control over what goes in and what stays out. Pretty much everything I get from other AETs goes in. And, when it's not enough to my satisfaction, I add in stuff of my own. Since I hardly ever get enough stuff, I usually add about four or five "articles" a month from the depths of my mind. Don't ask me how I am able to create comedy when I'm in a bad mood, but I do.

Do you know what's really cool about my so-called writing style? I never have a clue as to what I am going to write when I sit down at a keyboard or pick up a pen and paper. I just start writing like I'm on automatic pilot. I have no rhyme or reason... it just flows out. As such, I am always pleasantly surprised when I'm finished at what I wrote. I'm not saying everything I write is golden (as evidenced by this blog these past two years), but it's not exactly completely terrible, is it?

Hanazaki-san, one of my two bosses as the OBOE who is responsible for my state of well-being in Japan, he knows I am upset about something. Probably because I was so pissed off yesterday evening that I left my kyudo (Japanese archery) practice with my other boss, Kanemaru-san, in a huff. Since they sit beside each other, I assume they talk.

I was unable to verbalize to Kanemaru-san what was wrong due to the language barrier, but Hanazaki-san posses sublime English skills... or at least his are better than Kanemaru-san's. Both are my boss, but both are my friend.

I feel like crap, and it shows. I explain to Hanazaki-san why I am in a bad mood... offering a one-word answer to his query: Ashley.

Ashley is a young woman from Augusta, Georgia. She is the Ohtawara Boys High School AET, and from the second day of arriving in Japan last July, she was my girlfriend. She is kind, pretty, generous--she helped me with a great problem: losing my virginity at the almost-age of 26--and she is moody, sleepy, and doesn't always keep me in the loop as far as her life goes. Now call me crazy (You're crazy!) (Thank-you), but I think that when you are a couple, suddenly disappearing for a couple of days and not telling anyone where you are going, might actually worry your significant other (that would be me).

That happened too often for my liking. I mean for American Thanksgiving last November, I actually found a restaurant that would cook a turkey for us with all the fixings. It took me two weeks of planning and a hell of a lot of money, plus a lot of help from my OBOE office, as the restaurant wasn't even in my home city. In case you were wondering, getting a turkey here in Japan is a very difficult endeavor. I wanted to surprise her.

It was a Thursday night... and for every day after work, she would drop by my place before heading home... just not on November 22, 1990. She never showed up. I called her place to see if she was all right, but there was no answer. I called an hour later, and an hour later and an hour later, until I decided to make the 20 minute bicycle ride to her place to see if she was still alive.

She wasn't there. In fact, she wasn't there on Friday... I asked Hanazaki-san to call her school, but no one knew where she was except that she had taken the day off. She wasn't home on Saturday, but was back on Sunday when she called me.

She had decided at the last minute to go to a fellow American's place for Thanksgiving and spent a few days. Why would I - a Canadian - ever think that Thanksgiving might be important for an American? Canada does do Thanksgiving - but a month earlier. No one except Matthew or Kristine said anything to me on Canadian Thanksgiving. I should have married Kristine, or at least slept with her when I had the chance. Stupid illness!

So... there I was with a small turkey, scalloped potatoes (try explaining that to someone in Japan!), carrots, parsnips, cranberry sauce and some wine and beer... and no girlfriend to share it with.

Matthew... you'll hate me for this, but I was so despondent by Friday evening when I found out she had booked the day off and hadn't told me anything, that I chucked the whole thing in the garbage, refusing to touch a single thing myself. The whole thing cost me about $400 plus a whole lot of dignity.

I never told her what I did for her that day. But I remembered. As such, every little grievance against myself would piss me off. I don't let anything go. Ever. (Even in 2011 as I write this, I am seething at something I haven't thought about in nearly 20 years.) (Hard to believe I am still married, huh? The way I look at is this: God forgives. I don't. If I forgave, then I would be likening myself unto God, which would be wrong. I know that's all B.S., but I it gives comfort to know I am justified in my anger).

Hanazaki-san understands my anger (recalling the Thanksgiving example), and quickly explains it to Kanemaru-san. Kanemaru-san looks stern and nods his head in understanding. Then he shocks the hell out of me.

"Ash-a-ri-sensei biggu (Ashley teacher's big)?" implying that she had put on weight recently.

I nod my head in agreement and smirk.

Point at his belly, he asks: "You-a (your) baby?"

Holy crap! You could have knocked me over with a feather!     

I think I swore out loud in Japanese then! (I have a book called Making Out In Japanese, that teaches me the good stuff). After numerous denials, emphatic denials, and just plain old-fashioned denials, the OBOE office calmed me down.

I sat down and  relaxed and started typing, stopped and said: "Watashi wa jissai ni wa, kentō ga tsukanai. (I have no idea, actually.)"

That sent the whole office into a buzz! I was going to tell Hanazaki-san that I always used a condom, but instead offered that I think she just ate too much home cooking when she went back to the US these past few weeks. That jive turkey got stuffed.

Which brings us back to Do! See... I wasn't going to write about all of that past crap about Ashley... but it just started flowing like a bad case of dysentery (which is what stopped me from making a pass at Kristine when she came to visit me as recounted in a very recent blog). Wow. What a crappy ending.

There's more to this day, however. Like I once told Ashley after a marathon bout of sex... I think you've had enough for one day. I'll continue tomorrow and tell you about my first date with local fox Shoko. You'll be sad if you miss it!

Somewhere realizing I didn't always use a condom,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by KISS.
PS: That ending is true! At that time in 1991, I didn't realize that pre-cum (a lubricant) can contain sperm. We did always finish clad in latex, however. So... I suppose it was a possibility that she was pregnant with my baby (I can still hear Kanemaru-san in my head here in 2011!!)... just not likely. After Ashley and I had broken up for good or better (about three months ago), we decided that we made a better set of friends-with-benefits, as this way she wouldn't feel crowded... you know, obligated to tell me where she was, like I felt (as a good boyfriend) to tell her where I was and what I was doing. We could still have sex, just not any of the obligations of being a couple. I know she wasn't sleeping around with anyone else. She told me that, and no matter how much I might have slagged her here in this blog, Ashley was not a liar. That means I know she didn't cheat on me. I did sleep with other women over the past year - but only after she broke up with me. Kind of a knee-jerk reaction (heavy on the jerk, I suppose), but it was better than going blind... if you know what I mean... having to take matters into my own hand, so to speak.
PPS: I told you all yesterday that I was going to play poker over at James Dalton's house today. I had forgotten I had a date when I accepted, but called him up immediately afterward to back out. There's a guy adage: Bro's before Ho's... but Shoko was neither, so I didn't feel obligated to cancel my date with her. Besides... there is no way James would have let me come over to play poker with the boys when there was a chance I could play poker with Shoko.

Dazed & Confused

It's Thursday, September 5, 1991 here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

I'm half-awake and I'm vibrating. I'm either in shock or I'm experiencing a mild earthquake, though I think only my body is shaking. What is going on?

Not a good day. Probably one in which I'll be in a pissy mood.

I only have one class today at Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School) where I am an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. After my one class - which is satisfying, if not a little bit exciting, I go to the teacher's office.

It's freaking hot outside at 36 Celsius at 10AM. This is pretty normal for this time of year leading into what is know as Typhoon Season. The rest of the school goes out to practice for this weekend's Sports Day festival. That's my cue to sit around and hand-write the 17-pages of letters I owe people.

Lunch was just okay. I have given up eating rice, as I want to drop a few more pounds. I chat with some of the boys I eat lunch with, and surprise, surprise We can actually communicate pretty well in both English and Japanese. I am still unsure when I started to get this language, but I am sure I am talking at a 1st grade level  - that would be like a six-year-old.

After lunch I go outside and watch the renshu (practice). It's interesting, but I'm not going to be able to attend it.

After school, I go home. My ex-girlfriend Ashley is there. We aren't a couple anymore, but we did agree to be friends-with-benefits.. only after going back to the USA for a vacation... well, I ain't seeing any benefits.  Sorry for her, but I'm not in a good mood when I see her. She's joining me in a kyudo (Japanese archery) tournament this weekend, and she already seems better prepared than I am.

At our kyudo lesson, nothing feels right for me. My practice shots are great, but standing at the line and firing at the real target so far away... well, all my shots waver and head down - well short of the target. I think it's my string, but I don't know how to ask anyone, as I didn't bring my dictionary with me. So much for figuring out this language.

My hands are also shaking. I pull a diva, and leave in a huff after 30 minutes leaving Ashley there by herself.

At home I am so pissed off at myself, Ashley and the world, I call the only sane person I know... Matthew, a fellow junior high teacher who lives in my city but teaches in the outskirts of the city.

Jeanne, another teacher calls me (she lives in the same apartment complex as Ashley in Nishinasuno Town) to invite me to the Ibaraki Beach Party this weekend. Yeah, right. Last year I went by myself as no one from my area wanted to go. I go horribly lost owing to a decided lack of direction and Japanese language ability. I vowed  - never again. And besides, why invite me on Thursday for an event on Saturday. That's hardly enough warning for a guy is permanently busy.

James Jimmy Jive Dalton (another JET) phones me to invite to play poker tomorrow. For some reason that little time doesn't bother me, so I agree. He's about 25 minutes south of my city by train. Rory then calls to tell me about a job he's applying for. Rory is the ex-boyfriend of Kristine... the only woman on the JET Programme - and the only woman I currently know, for whom I would do anything for. Yes, I like her, but she's also been stupidly nice to me.

Then Ashley comes over to check up on me. She tries to make me talk and to make me laugh. It's difficult for me, as I am being childish. I see this now in 2011. She suggest we go over to her place to watch a Star Trek episode on a video tape she got recently, but she can't find it. I don't understand that. Her place is tiny. She has four rooms, but each one is about eight-foot by eight-foot. (2.44m x 2.44m).

Instead, we watch an old Jimmy Stewart movie called Harvey, which I have never seen before. Love her or hate her, Ashley has introduced me to some decent movies. Harvey is fantastic!

I go home at 1AM, have a bad headache. I am feeling over-whelmed, dazed and further confused over my relationship with Ashley.

Somewhere not feeling right,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by Led Zeppelin: SOULOFAWOMAN. This a particularly raunchy version. It's almost all distortion. Here's the album version: CREATEDBELOW. There are more words that fit my mood, but the frenetic raunchy version is as dazed and confused as I feel.
PS: There's another blog eight hours after the publication of this one! It's about... sports! 

Rocket Man

Cripes. It's Sunday, September 1, 1991 - school starts tomorrow. I live in the small city of Ohtawara in Tochigi Prefecture in Japan. I've been here for 13 months, and I have greatly enjoyed my time here in this strange but wonderful country. The only thing that screws me up is the woman situation.

It's true that I came to this country nearly 26-years-old and still more virginal than a Catholic girl's school, but quickly got over that - though I wonder if I could become a born-again virgin, y'know, just for old time's sake. I've already hit double digits, despite having an unsteady relationship with Ashley for 10 months. Every time we were off again, I was on again with some woman who would literally throw herself at me. Crap like that never happened back in Canada. Never... I could have been on fire in my Toronto-area high school cafeteria or university or college, and not one single woman would have even noticed. Sometimes Canada is a really stupid country.

Even now in 2011, how come I never get hit on? Are women that lazy here - sit back and let the men come onto them, shoot them down and choose the one guy who looks super good but knows it? Welcome to Toronto's bar scene.

In Japan, it's a rare event when I don't have some woman try and talk to me at a bar. It's even rarer that I don't have a girlfriend or regular or even semi-regular sexual partner - but that's what is going on in my life here in Ohtawara. As such... I'm moody and agitated.

Up at 10:30AM, my friend Matthew who lives five minutes away comes over to my apartment. We then walk over to his place and get a ride from his girlfriend Takako to the Asian Rural Institute in the north end of town. They are hosting a picnic at Shinoyama Koen (Shinoyama Park). The Institute is a place for farmers from India, China, Pakistan, Indonesia - heck - Asia - to learn Japanese farming techniques so that they can go back home and apply it there.

Ohtawara, despite only having 50,000 people in it, seems to have a plethora of foreigners living in its boundaries. Along with the 12 people at the Institute (I've never seen so many brown people in one area before - I'm actually from white middle-class suburbia in Etobicoke - a city within Metropolitan Toronto and as of 2011 am still pretty much the only visible minority on the block... some 37 years after I first came to the area), there are also a lot of Japanese businesses (technical types) that have a few gaijin (foreigners) working at their plant for short contracts (from Canada and the US mainly). And there's Matthew & myself who live in Ohtawara, a few New Zealand bartenders, and others scattered around... it's no wonder this burg has an Ohtawara International Friendship Association!

And yet... despite the preponderance of foreigners, most of Ohtawara still seems stunned when they see me, as I am still often the first foreigner they have ever seen. I guess I get out a lot. (Matthew, too!).

At the picnic: It's hot out today. Bloody hot. India in August hot. Hovering at around 39 Celsius.As soon as I get there, I go for a beer and relax. It's a good thing I never (ever) get hang-overs, or I'd be a dead man every day in this country!

As I sit by myself, I overhear people from the Institute talking with Business foreigners with some Japanese locals (there are a few in Ohtawara) about me. They talk in Japanese and in English. I can't speak Japanese worth a damn, but it appears as though I understand a heck of a lot more than I should. When the heck did that happen?

These people are gossiping about me with me sitting maybe 15 feet (4.6 meters) away! They are talking about the number of girlfriends I seem to have.

I don't correct them on that, but do state that I currently have no girlfriends, and don't want one.

My friend Naoko.

Naoko, a Japanese lady friend with the Friendship Association, is ever nearby and asks me 'Why?" I tell her it's because people are always spying on me or gossiping about me, and how could I do that to another woman. Naoko quickly runs off and disappears in the crowd. And it seems like there is a crowd of maybe 100 people.

Suddenly the party-goers at the park, part like the Red Sea for Moses, and I see Naoko talking with Shoko, the very pretty, shy and quiet Japanese local who likes me and me her. Shoko is one of the students in my extra-curricular night time English conversation class I teach (and get paid handsomely) for the Friendship Association.

Feeling stupid from the alcohol and the heat, I want to get away from the gossipy gossipers, so I move off and try and hide. But, Matthew, ever-concerned for my mental health, follows me to ensure I am not by myself. Apparently I yelled my responses back to the gossipers.

Then Shoko comes over and quickly asks me out on a date!? God I love this country. I had always been reluctant to go out with her because I was afraif of the language barrier. Shoko was too, or maybe she just always figured I had a girlfriend and didn't want to be part of the revolving sextrade I had going for me in my apartment building.

Cool. Next Friday she and I will go out for drinks over at the 4C, if I am not too tired from my daily routine of working three hours a day team-teaching (with a Japanese teacher of English) at one of my seven junior high schools (chu gakko).

Despite this bit of happiness injected into my bloodstream, I still act and perhaps feel quiet, shy or aloof. I don't mingle much. I guess I'm still upset about people talking about me within earshot expecting that I wouldn't hear or understand them.

Even back in 1990 and 1991, I had always threatened Ashley (and others) by stating: "Never, ever piss off a writer." Twenty years later, I guess I'm proving my point.

After the picnic, Matthew and I head back to my place and watch some Sherlock Holmes episodes I had taped on my bilingual television and VCR (video tape recorder). We then go to some place called the Orient Club to exercise for three hours. I have no idea why Matthew even knows of this place, but he knows a way more about Ohtawara than I do, as he seems to have more of an explorers spirit, and a greater Japanese language ability than I will ever have. I guess that's why he has a Japanese girlfriend, and I only have a first date with a quiet, shy and reserved cutie pie.

The Orient Club has light cycles, treadmills, stair masters and some other stuff. It's a smallish place, but very clean and well run. We go for a swim, a sauna and then an onsen (it's like a hot tub but a bit bigger). I weigh myself when w start. It's 76.45 kilograms (168.45 pounds), and when we are done, I'm down to 75.85 kilograms (167.22 pounds)! My blood pressure seems a little high at 143/80. My body is hurting, but with the weight loss (I'm not fat! Yay!) I feel good.

Matthew and when finished, go over to the fastfood restaurant Mosburger. It's my favourite comfort food, and Matthew seems to know that. Give me convenience or give me death! Of course our supper blows all of our training, but who cares?!

My mom and dad call me at 12:30AM to let me know she arrived home safely in Toronto after mom came out to visit me here in Japan. Despite the lateness of the hours, I don't care - I couldn't sleep anyway... thinking about Karen, Kristine, Ashley, Shoko and my threesome with two hot Thai women a couple of weeks ago. That's why I'm so moody!

For five days in Thailand, I was getting sex four plus times a day for five days. Now I am not. Karen wants to be boyfriend girlfriend (and I just want sex); Ashley offers sex when she wants to as a friend-with-benefits (I also want a relationship); Kristine - I want a relationship, but she lives 500 kilometres away, and I think she's probably too good for me; and Shoko who I assume wants a relationship with me (but I'm unsure what I want with her - sex, yes, but a relationship with a nice Japanese girl would be a step up for me here in Japan - I am concerned about how we are going to communicate with each other when we have a language barrier. A physical relationship is fine, but I do want more.

Hmmm. Karen is offering me that (and my mom likes her; didn't like Ashley; probably would have loved Kristine; and been luke-warm with Shoko due to communication difficulties) but something about Karen is off-putting. Probably my need to have Ashley back as a girlfriend. I am so screwed up in the head still.

Hey Matthew - I don't think there is enough Mosburger in the world to make me feel better.

Somewhere restless,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Elton John: BLAST-OFF!
PS: I don't sleep well again - a recurring event here in Japan... either due to me thinking too much or not enough.

This Beat Goes On/ Switching To Glide

When I decided to do this blog about my life in Japan, I knew I was going to lay out the good as well as the bad about myself. I was going to show myself as an adventurous young man learning about love, life, Japan and himself. That part about learning about myself, is also the bad.

It's Friday, August 23, 1991. I'm living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan - having moved here to teach English on the JET (Japan Exchange &Teaching) Programme nearly 13 months ago. I'm nearly 27 years old (in a few months). I love Japan. It's also my first time away from home. I lost my virginity here. I'm slept with a lot of women here... and I aim to place a few more notches in the bedpost before I'm done. I've slept with a few Japanese women, but also women from Canada, the U.S., England, Australia, Thailand... and more that I'm too lazy to think about at the moment of this writing, suffice to say that I loved everyone of them at the time I was with them.

Ashley has arrived back in Japan a couple of days ago after going home to the U.S. for a vacation. Ashley is currently my friend-with-benefits, though we were boyfriend/girlfriend for much of our first year in Japan. We lived near each other (so does my friend Matthew, but I never slept with him), had way different personalities... I had one, she did not, but she did like me when no woman back in Canada seemed to like me in that way. It's too bad that familiarity breeds contempt.

While I saw her when she arrived back in her nearby town of Nishinasuno-machi (Nishinasuno Town), I haven't seen or heard from her since. I knew she would be jet-lagged, and the day before she arrived (I think), I stocked her fridge for her with with some of her favourite foodstuffs and drinks. I am nothing if not polite.. okay, maybe I'm not polite, but I am considerate... or maybe I'm somewhere in-between. Maybe. I don't know. Have you ever really psycho-analyzes yourself and then tried to justify your good points even though you know that your bad points contradict them? Welcome to this blog. Welcome to my mind - ignore the echo.

I go to Ashleys at 10AM (she called and invited me bright and early at 9AM), and stay until 1PM. We watch her favourite movie The Princess Bride. I had never seen it before, but I havce to admit I really, really liked it.

She watches as she does her laundry, but seems even more distant towards me. More so confusing considering how passionate we were just before she left here a few weeks back... I was just getting into this friends-with-benefits thing, too!

Sure she's heavier since returning, but she's still cute - and my was the sex good. At least it was for me. I only have her eyes rolling back into her head to make me think she enjoyed herself too. 

She gives me a couple of presents... a My Little Pony doll because I once mentioned that I wanted: "... a
car, a house, a pony..." and she gives me a can of Southern Dirt.

I'm still pissed off that when my mom and my friend John came, that no one gave me anything neat... like comic books. It's my friggin' major hobby, and I haven't seen a new comic book in 13 months... except for the 10 or so that Kristine sent me. She knew! She cared!

From Ashley I got a toy pony and some dirt? What sort of crap is that?!

I don't even want to talk to her now. I fall asleep listening to a tape of her favourite comic - Steven Wright. He's dull, but morosely funny. But my mood won't let me enjoy it or anything right now.

She wakes me up at 1PM so that she can go get her haircut. Who leaves America to come to Japan to get their haircut by people for whom English is a completely foreign tongue! Especially in a small town like Nishinasuno-machi?! Whatever.

On purpose, I leave her gifts at her place. It's crap. I ride part-way to her hair salon before parting towards Ohtawara-shi. We didn't talk much on the bicycle ride, and we didn't talk much at her place. I was excited to see her, and she was obviously not excited to see me.

I spend the rest of the afternoon perched atop my western balcony reading reading Sherlock Holmes - I guess he's not the only one looking for a clue.

Matthew calls later at night and we go out to the 4C for a beer... but sorry, buddy! I'm in a crappy mood. I still have dysentery, but I can't blame that for how I feel. Crappy. And she never thanked me for the food and drinks I left for her!

Somewhere never starting a land war in Asia,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Kings - I love this SONG! An excellent Canadian band!
PS: "Never start a land war in Asia" is my favourite line from The Princess Bride. Peter Falk, who is in that movie, died this past week. R.I.P Columbo!
PPS: So... 20 years later... I re-read this blog entry for the first time since I originally wrote it ... and man, I was such a suck. The crappy presents? They weren't crappy... at least not to the eyes of a now 46-year-old man. Ashley tried to make me happy by giving me at least one of the things I always wanted. It was a joke, sure, but it shows that she was listening. And the can of Southern Dirt. Stupid present sure, but at least I would always have a little bit of Ashley's hometown with me. No wonder she was done... I showed zero enthusiasm or respect for her and her gifts! It's a wonder I ever got laid! Days later, Ashley dropped my presents off. I, the ignorant prick, threw them out a few days later. While I still would have preferred someone bring me some comic books in English - like Kristine, who mailed to me some on a couple of occasions - Ashley at least listened to my dreams (joke though it was - as I was parroting what a spoiled rich teenaged girl might say), and tried to provide me with something that was uniquely Ashley. And this is me 20 years later... having gone through many a female relationship with people who don't seem to listen to me, who don't seem to know what I'm about, who I am... after re-reading this blog, it was obvious that who I was back in 1991 was a greedy, whiny bastard.  And I blew it.
PPPS: So... having read that... are you still with me? It gets better. Life/Rife, I mean. At least my mom will be back from her trip out West in Japan tomorrow. I should probably be nicer and start showing her a good time... that I have grown up... even if it's just a little bit. Ahhhh crap. I guess pride goeth before the fall. That's from The Bible: Proverbs 16... and I'm no longer a religious person, but it's worth remembering. 

I'm So Tired

I'm going to combine two days today....  mostly because, well...

It's Wednesday, August 21, 1991 here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. Today, is the first time I've been alone in about a month or more.

I've always been a bit of a loner. Sure I enjoy company, but I also like being able to just be by myself... you know, to just be.

The past 13 months here in Japan have been hectic. I've had a girlfriend or 12 since first arriving, drunk more booze than I had ever done in my first 25-1/2 years, eaten a lot of strange, but wonderful foods, and have had the time of my life. I've had girlfriends, stalkers, uninvited visitors, visitors, strange phone calls, learned how to cook, clean, do laundry and iron.

Of course, today being the first time I've been alone in so long, I'm still sick... I picked up the runs while in Thailand. Never ever have an drink (of Coke) containing ice cubes. Sure... perhaps do so at a good hotel or restaurant, but I had mine up near the Burma border in a small podunk of a village. Mistake.

That was eight days ago. I am still sick, but just not so bad. Perhaps it's because I'm not eating.

I do a load of laundry (the medicine for my mind), do some rough drafts of It's A Wonderful Rife for the Tochigi-ken JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme monthly newsletter I am the editor for (The Tatami Times) - I haven't written in a while, and it makes me feel antsy.

Pretty cool huh? I feel antsy because I haven't written, while a mere three years ago, the thought of being a writer/journalist was the farthest thing from my mind. Japan? I never thought about that until a year and a half a go. Never knew I wanted to work or live or even visit there. Strange old world we live in, eh?

I laze around all day long hoping that Mathew or Ashley will phone. Ashley is my ex, and current friend-with-benefits. She arrived back in Japan yesterday evening (she's jet-lagged, I'm sure) (I wonder if she realizes I stocked her fridge for her so she'd have food and drink when she got back, realizing that she'd be too tired to go out shopping? Probably not.)

Matthew calls at 3PM, and we small talk. Despite being a loner, it's good to hear other people's voices - and Matthew has been a god-send for me. Considering the other people on JET who hate each other and never do anything with each other even though they live in the same town or city, I really lucked in.

I go to sleep for a few hours and ignore Kanemaru-san's frantic ringing of my doorbell at 6PM when he comes to take me to kyudo (Japanese archery) practice. I love Kanemaru-san. He's my boss at the Ohtawara Board of Education, but I really don't like kyudo. I just don't want to disappoint him by quitting.. but at least I have an excuse this evening... I'm sick.

And what is with the Japanese ability to not understand that someone is unavailable.... I mean ringing the doorbell 30 times? It's a 3-bedroom apartment... if I don't get to you after four rings, I'm either not home, having sex or dead! And the telephone... a gaijin (foreigner) will call and hang-up after seven rings or so... a Nihonjin (Japanese person) will let it ring 20 or 30 times. Granted, they are correct - I am home, but maybe I don't want to be bothered. When I do get calls I ignore, it's because I am sick or boinking a woman—two excellent reasons not to answer the door or telephone. I've never been sick of boinking a woman, though with Kristine here the last few days, I was actually to sick to boink.

Man... I had it all planned out! Right to when she left for home, I had Ashley back. Stupid ice cubes.

The dysentery is taking its toll. I feel lighter, but not skinnier. My stomach is puffing out. I could be a poster boy for starving kids.

I sit and watch videos late into the night while feeling sorry for myself.

Twenty years later, I would just say to 1991 Andrew... "You idiot! You're in Japan!  You've had more sex in 13 months than some people have in a lifetime! Plus a three-way! Plus sex with a stalker! Do you know who has sex with a stalker? A man does! Men are idiots. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and enjoy the day! You're in Japan and the opportunity may never come your way again!"

Of course, my yelling at 1991 Andrew doesn't change the fact that he still has some growing up to do.

It's Thursday, August 22, 1991.

I get up and do some of my puzzle of The Tower of Babel... a 5000 piece one that is being more difficult to do than the one I did of the Universe (all black with little white splotches for stars).

I wish someone would call. You'll notice I don't call anyone. Idiot.

Teh pills Kristine gave me a couple of days ago are only partially working. That means they aren't. As such, I threaten myself into going into work and ask to be taken in to a doctor. But I don't. It's not just a Japanese doctor thing. I never like doctors - period.

"Well, Andrew... what seems to be wrong?
"I don't know. Isn't that your job?"

Here with a language barrier, it's worse. Not only do doctors smoke in hospitals - what is this the 1950s? - but every medicine I have ever received from a hospital comes in a waxy envelope the size of a disposable razor blade... do people in 2011 still know what a disposable razor blade is? HERE.

No one calls, and I don't call anyone. It's literally the first time since arriving in Japan that I don't talk to another human being. I did yell at the dog across the street to shut up - I even yelled it in Japanese! - but he ignored me.

And what about Ashley? Is she still jetlagged? Doesn't she want to see me? What about thanking me for the food? It's okay... Y10,000 (Cdn/US $100) of food is no big deal. That was sarcasm. How do you write sarcasm in print? Italics?

Somewhere with too much time on my hands,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Beatles: I told you I could do them for every mood!: NOZZZZZZZ

No Woman No Cry

It's Tuesday, August 20, 1991. Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. It's raining.

I'm still sick with dysentery. The one woman for whom I would gladly kill a yak for her supper—Kristine South—is leaving my place at noon. While she probably has no clue as to how much I adored her, she did like me, (and in fact admitted as much to me last year—2010—saying she would have slept with me back in Japan).

Great. Tell me now after we are both married to other people! It is pretty funny, and hey, at least I know in 2011 that I wouldn't have been shot down in 1991 if I had tried to make a move. My move pretty much involves me getting closer, touching arms and legs (with arms or legs) and seeing whether or not the other person moves away. Then you look into their eyes, and lean forward for the kiss.

At least that is what I would do if I ever had to make a play for a woman. Here in Japan, I never did. The women all made plays for me. Kristine hasn't, but I think that is because I'm sick.

I walk with Kristine out to the nearby bus stop. We hug (best hug ever, as of 1991), and say our good-byes. I'm pretty sure I leaned forward and down (Kristine is maybe about 5'-3"... maybe), and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

By the way... she looked really hot in the rain.

A hug and a kiss on the cheek... memories to last a lifetime... especially if I write this down in a diary or something and then 20 years later put it in a blog, whatever that is.

My buddy Matthew comes over at 3PM, and we watch some videos each of us has had sent over. Matthew, Kristine and I are one of the 1,500 assistant English teachers living in Japan and who work with the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. Matthew happens to live in my town... Kristine some 500 kilometers further. That distance is really a pain in the butt... almost as much as my dysentery.

At 5:30PM, we walk over to Matsuri restaurant for dinner - but the place is closed. Too bad, I was going to buy him dinner, because, as fate would have it, I'm feeling better. I guess the medicine Kristine got me did the trick. Just not fast enough.

So, we head over to our favourite fast food restaurant, Mosburger. You know, I haven't seen Matthew since August 5th when we were in Tochigi-ken's capital city of Utsunomiya giving a speech together on How To Survive In Japan. I then took off for Thailand. Nailed a couple of beautiful Thai babes (one at a time for days, and then together). Came back with my mom in tow... spent time with her, my friend John (also from Toronto) who all came for a visit (though John left yesterday) ... and there's a new woman, Karen, who wants to be my girlfriend.

Karen, from North Bay, Canada, is also on the JET Programme, having arrived less than a month ago.

And then there is Ashley. She's from Augusta, Georgia, and was my girlfriend for pretty much the entire first year. We broke up and got back together so many times that we eventually became friends-with-benefits.

Ashley had been visiting home these past few weeks... but she's back in Japan as she calls my place at 6PM and asks me to met her at Nishinasuno-eki (Nishinasuno train station) at 7PM.

It's really raining hard now as I ride my bicycle out to her place, where I pick up her bike and ride both over to the train station. If it is at all possible for it to rain harder, it does. I am literally soaked through and through.

Ashley arrives at 8:30PM. An hour and a half late. I figure she just missed the trains, because Japanese trains are never late! Really. Who cares about the lateness... at least Ashley's back.

She looks tired, and she's put on some weight. Okay, she looks really fat. It's a good thing she's pretty... but what the hell?! Her weight gain was striking... but she was still a sight for these sore eyes. I guess I still love her... and want more than a friend with benefits. I think.

I help her move her stuff to her apartment in Nishinasuno-machi (Nishinasuno Town). I stay for five minutes (because she's really jet-lagged), give her a peck on the lips and leave.

I ride home in the rain... its let up a a bit, but it has gotten colder.

I try to go to sleep at 10PM, but I'm restless... more so when Matthew calls at midnight.

Somewhere weaving a tangled web,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Bob Marley & The Wailers: NOCRY

I Don't Like Mondays

So... I finally have the girl of my dreams over at my apartment. She's looking even more spectacular than I recall... it's been a couple of months since I saw her last... why is she getting better looking?!

I'm 26-years-old. Single. I'm tall, reasonably good-looking, in shape. I'm a Canadian, born in London, England of Indian parents (dot, not the feather), and I'm living in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. And I'm horny. And she—Kristine South—likes me too. In fact,  she has come 500 kilometres from the west to visit me and see the sites of nearby Nikko-shi (home of the 3 wise monkeys).

We're both AETs (assistant English teachers) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching Programme)... it's August 19, 1991... a Monday.

Oh... and I'm sick as a dog, compliments of dysentery. Not exactly a sickness that makes a beautiful young woman want to hang around you... hormones be damned.

Despite spending last night at my place, we spent it in separate rooms. I know what I was thinking when Kristine asked if she could use my place as a base... I was going to pitch a tent for her.

But... the best laid (unlaid) plans of mice and Andrew often go awry. It's why I usually never make plans and try to go with the flow. Who knew that would imply going to the toilet eight times a  day for six days? 

Feeling my pain from a goodly distance, Kristine got up bright and early and went out to get me some medication. Kristine has only been in Japan as long as myself (almost 13 months), but she speaks Japanese quite well. She may have the advantage of being half Japanese and half American, but she's also quite smart. Smarter than she looks.... that sounds like an insult. Just remember, however, that she is drop-dead gorgeous... so I'm paying her quite the compliment as far as her sexy brains.

I sure would like to suck on her intelligence. 

The medicine helps a little bit... at least my toilet frequency is now every two three hours instead of every two. Small victories, eh.

Kristine leaves my place at noon to go to Nikko. I would have loved to have joined her... and gone to Nikko as well, but doodie calls.

So instead of walking along the ancient temples and shrines of Nikko arm in arm with the woman of my dreams, I instead sit on my balcony (west one), and soak up some sun rays in the hopes of getting that wonderful copper tan I get.

But... when it comes to me and the sun, I never seem to win... at least not here in Japan. The clouds come rolling in - but it does not rain. So, I go back inside and sit around watching a video I had rented (It Happened One Night), a fantastic 1934 romantic comedy with Claudette Colbert and Clark Gable, that was the first to win all five major Academy Awards (Best Picture, Director, Actor, Actress and Screenplay). Considering my mood, health and Kristine, I probably shouldn't have watched that one.

Kristine's ex-boyfriend Rory calls me up from Tokyo to tell me that the U.S.S.R's General Secretary of the Communist Party (ie: the leader of the country) Mikhail Gorbachev had been overthrown. Holy smokes!

As well, there's also a hurricane brewing.

Hmm, I hope my mom will be okay. She's here visiting, and is currently on the road out in western Japan... by herself. I don't know how she does it. I get lost crossing the road.

Kristine comes back, tells me all about her wonderful trip, and on any other night I would have taken her out and got us both dinner and drinks... but today, I'm just not very good company. I don't like Mondays.

Sorry Kristine.

Somewhere sitting alone on his throne,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by the Boomtown Rats: TELLMEWHY

Feeling Alright

I'm back... sorry for the interruption.

It's Sunday, August 18, 1991. And I have recently begun my second-year of my wonderful rifde here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.

Today is an eventful day, as I say good-bye to one guest, and welcome another.

My mom has been visiting from Toronto, as has my friend John.

My mom is out of my apartment at 5:30AM (apparently there IS a 5:30 in the morning... who knew?) to go on a trip to Kyoto out west.

John? He's heading home today. We leave my place at noon. It's super hot (37 Celsius), and if I thought hos bags were heavy when he arrived (he brought me a 12-pack of beer bottles), it's incredibly heavy now after souvenir hunting these past few weeks.

I'm still sick from dysentery (picked up in Thailand last week - at least I hope it's dysentery, as I had carnal relations with two beautiful 21-year-old Thai women... usually one at a time, but before I left both at the same time), and I'm feeling very weak from all of that wiping of my butt. As such... I'm not in the best of moods... not that it matters, as I haven't been in a good mood for a few weeks (Thai sex excepted).

John and I have a non-eventful ride to Tokyo's airport, Narita, arriving at 4PM. As we are shopping for crap souvenirs, I run into Brian, an American who works in Ohtawara for an electrical firm (he's on a real exchange). He's there to see off his brother - and I agree to meet up with him around here at 5PM. Small world, eh?

I dump John at 5PM. I slap him on the back and tell him to "look after that job-thing first" and then say
"See-ya" and leave. I'm not sure who goes on a vacation half-way around the world when they are out of work, but that's my John.

Speaking of john's... I need to go to the toilet, but I know if I open up the floodgates, it will never stop. Instead, I have intense intestinal control. 

Guess who I am meeting? Kristine South.

That's right... the awesome American girl of Japanese descent who has been the object of many a real-life fantasy. She lives in Shiga-ken (Shiga Prefecture) some 500 kilometres away... kind of where my mom is heading today.

I don't know if it's a Florence Nightingale thing, but on my first night in Japan, Kristine saved my life. I looked left to cross a large street in Tokyo, instead of right. She pulled me back from certain death... so I guess we all have Kristine to thank (or blame) for this blog. Yay!

Kristine is gorgeous. But that's not even her strong point. It's her kindness, generosity, intelligence and sense of humour all tied for number one. That's how much I like and respect her. It means that though I do want to sleep with her (and I think she with me), I don't think I'm good enough for her. To be honest... with her, it was never about a one-night stand. I wanted a relationship.

Now Kristine doesn't know that. She thinks I'm playing hard to get. It might even surprise her in 2011, as she is know to read this blog every once in awhile. But, she did say that I always seemed to have a woman on the go... and she wasn't impressed with my taste in women. Though she did not meet the Thai girls, I'd have to say she might be correct. It's why I don't think I am good enough for her.

Still... she is coming over for a visit!

Did I mention I am sick?

I'm supposed to meet her at Ueno-eki (Ueno train station) in Tokyo at 6PM. The phone message I left on Rory's machine was for her to meet me at the Shinkansen (bullet train) ticket machine. I forgot, or didn't know, that there were two of them spread quite far apart.

By the way.. Rory is an ex of Kristine's... and I like him, as we seem to be quite similar... so maybe Kristine and I could be an item... if only she didn't live 500 kilometres away!

Anyhow, Brian and I are late. We arrive at 6:30PM... and hang around the ticket machines until 7PM, and then leave. We go to a McDonald's for dinner... and all I can think about besides not pooping my pants is that Kristine and I just aren't destined to be together... like two ships sailing past another in the night.

The McDonald's - I have a McTerriaki burger - lasts five minutes in my stomach. Did you know that McDonald's toilets are the same messy experience all over the world? At least that one was after I got through with it. Oh my gawd!

We then head for home. I am so sick and depressed now, it's not even funny.

We we are talking on the train, I notice Kristine walk by on the platform. I run out and yell for her to get on!

Hugs and a kiss on the cheek... and major apologies by myself.

See? I told you she was smart! She was going to get on the train and make her way to my place. She had my address and phone number and was going to stay in Ohtawara even if I wasn't there! And then give me grief later! What a woman!

Kristine and I take a taxi back to my place - Brian a taxi back to his. He doesn't really live that close by, and I suspect he figured Kristine and I could do with a bit of privacy.

Kristine - back at my place - is now fully aware that I am even more sick than I suspect... so after we talk for a few hours, we crash for the night. I don't want her to get sick... so we spend it in separate bedrooms.

Figures.

By the way... you may have heard me whine about how I haven't had a day to myself in weeks, and how it was killing me? Well... this was one night when I wish I had closer company.

The gods are conspiring against me...

Somewhere I have until Tuesday to get better,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Joe Cocker: REDCROSS

Talk Dirty To Me

I'm in Utsunomiya-shi with my friend and co-conspirator, Matthew Hall, to give a speech to the newcomers on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme in Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture). We're in a hotel, it's Tuesday, August 6, 1991.

I'm up at 6AM - but only to close the friggin' window in the room. It's noisy outside! I go back to sleep as my body is not enjoying the drinking activities of the night before.  Up at 7AM, I try to phone Rory... a guy who lives in Tokyo (and an ex-boyfriend of Kristine South, a woman I really like, but who lives too far away—some 500 kilometers—from my place in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City).

That's the thing about Japan... as long as you know someone mutually, there's a gaijin (foreigner) network that will essentially allow one to spend a night wherever needed.

I need a place to stay tonight, as I'm heading out to the Tokyo airport tomorrow morning to fly to Thailand to meet my mom for a short vacation before we both head back to Ohtawara for a few weeks before she goes back to Toronto. Me? I've signed up for my second year on the JET Programme to teach junior high school kids English. Matthew, originally from Binghampton, NY, is in the same boat.

Rory's not in - or he's normal and won't answer a phone so early in the morning!

Matthew and I go to a French bakery with a English girl named Cathy... a first year newcomer on the Programme, who seems a bit lonely, but very friendly towards me. Cripes. Back in Toronto I couldn't get a woman to look at me... but here in Japan, I have to swat them away like flies.

Matthew and I give our speech to an enthralled/captive audience on 'Surviving Japan'. It's funny and very interesting, chock full of great stories and advice that should be utilized or not utilized—depending on one's situation. Whatever... everything worked out for us, and we're both pretty well-adjusted to living well in Japan. However... I heard that our speech raised the eyebrows of the bosses of the JET Programme for Tochigi—Arikawa-san and Kamioka-san.

Hmmm... I probably should have kept my mouth shut.

I have lunch with two gorgeous newcomers—Laurie Tiefenbach (who I thought I was going to hook up with during a party a few day's earlier... but she was sideswiped by Karen Irwin, with whom I did hook-up with) and Letiticia Todd, who is drop dead gorgeous with a great butt and awesome, dark-brown curly hair. I'm spending a bit more time describing my initial reaction towards Lettiicia for a reason, as she will be the focus of a serious blog in the future. I just want you to know that I thought she was perhaps the most beautiful, sexy woman I had yet to see on the JET Programme, excluding Kristine, of course.

After lunch, I provide a demonstration on how to do a self-introduction class... something I wish I had seen last year... or if they did demonstrate it then, I wish I had paid attention rather than concentrating on Ashley (former girlfriend and current friend with benefits). Who's kidding whom? With all of these gorgeous woman around me, this was how, and how I am going to continue to survive Japan!

Again, my self introduction speech raises quite a few eyebrows amongst the Japanese and the newcomers. I have no idea if that's good or bad... but everyone now knows prety much all there is to know about me (that I want them to know, of course).

After it's all over, I walk back to my hotel (in the rain (of course, because I'm traveling... I am the Ame Otoko - Rain Man, and it only rains when I travel).

I then take a slow JR (Japan Rail) train to Tokyo. I arrive by 6PM and try calling Rory again... who's still not in.

Still carrying my luggage, I ride to Nippori and try to get a room for the night at the Hotel d'Love. It's a love hotel. Unfortunatly, they, and the other three love hotels I visit, say I am not allowed into their rooms. At first I thought it was because i was a foreigner/gaijin... but it was quickly explained that I am not allowed into a room by myself. I can only go in with a woman or a hooker/prostitute.

For a guy who was beating women away from him several hours earlier, I don't have one handy, and consider purchasing a hooker just so I can get into the hotel for the night. But, after the success I've been having with the women here in Japan since I arrived just over a year ago, there's no way I'm paying for a woman. I'm sure if I just stand around looking sexy in the rain for a few minutes one will pick me up.

An hour later and tired of standing in the rain, I call Rory. He's in and tells me how to get to his place. It's difficult, but I make it without getting lost (two times is not lost... it's just not knowing where I am for a few minutes). Rory lives 40 minutes outside of downtown Tokyo! I'm not going to save much time in getting to the airport, but at least I get to talk to the guy.

He mets me at the train station, and because it's pouring, we grab a taxi (he paid!) and head to his place. He's a very nice guy and seems very similar in personality, and demeanor to myself. No wonder we get along! No wonder Kristin liked him and likes me!

His place is small and cramped—I think it's smaller than my living room... but he is in Tokyo, and places are all expensive and small.


We talk until midnight—about woman of all things! Okay, that was me being sarcastic. Of course we talked about women. We talked a lot about Kristine (that was me asking him stuff that I could use in a phone 'sex' conversation with her later) and then he shows me a photo album that has some photos of my special K.

No offense Kristine, but boy you were skinny in those old photos. But relax. You were too skinny. I much prefer the way you look now.

I'm physically and mentally exhausted and pass out asleep, hoping I don't snore too much to exclude me from ever staying at Rory's place again. He's so cool.

Somewhere wondering why Rory and Kristine broke up,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is brought to you by Poison: TALK 
PS: Later in another blog you can see how my writings on Kristine and Letiticia are related.

Young Lust

I don't know what I'm expecting today. Actually... I do know... I'm not expecting anything.... despite slip ups every now and then, I've found it best to never expect anything. Anything good that is. That way is something bad happens, no big deal... I wasn't expecting anything good anyway... and if something good happens, well hooray for me - what a wonderful unexpected pleasure.

Hmm. That sounds weird when I actually have to write it out. I suppose it's called: Lowered Expectations.

I'm not always like that. I do know that I can get a hold of very sexy women... Junko, for example. the fact that she was flawed emotionally or perhaps mentally unstable... well... dammit. What was my point? Man... no wonder I don't want to get involved with Kristine. She's probably perfect - and why would I want her to be any other way? I wonder if women become flawed after they meet me, or if they are flawed before they meet me? Either way... what does that say about me?

So... it's Sunday, August 4, 1991. I finally have a day to myself here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. No girlfriend. No friend-with-benefits. No stalker chick No one-night stands.

I miss all of that.

So I go to Karen's place in Yaita-shi, maybe 10 kilometres south of my place. Karen is from North Bay, Ontario, Canada and I'm from Toronto. I've been here in Japan teaching junior high  school English as an assistant English teacher here on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching ) Programme for just over a year. Arriving here, I was a 25-year-old virgin living at home in my parent's basement watching Star Trek re-runs, playing Dungeons & Dragons and collecting comic books... and the only thing that saved me from being a complete nerd was the fact that I liked sports and could actually play most of them pretty well.

I was, of course, deathly afraid of women, but something about leaving home for the first time... living here in Japan ... in my own apartment... doing my own thing.. on my own schedule (more or less)... well... I matured. I know... doesn't that sound stupid! Especially, if I re-read my own blogs (and I do!)... but here in Japan... I have had to beat off the women with a large kendo stick. I haven't really hit on a single woman here, but have instead been hit on by a whole barrel full of them. It has kind of helped me develop an ego. I never had one before, so I don't believe mine is rampaging out of control.

How could it? The women who seem to want to sleep with me all seem... needy. Who's your daddy? I am.

Cripes... I'm only 26-years-old! I think I have an old soul.

My friend John who is visiting me from Toronto has his own agenda today.... so he's gone walkabout Ohtawara by himself.

I go to Karen's. Her city is more like a quieter version of my own, if that is possible. She has a nice, small apartment that is about 1/3 the size of my own place... but I'm not here to check out her apartment.

Sitting on the floor of her place, I get a pretty decent massage, and while I get, I give her feet one. I don't think I have a foot fetish (for those that do, whatever turns you on, eh!), but I did discover with Ashley that a lick on the toes will drive a woman wild. Karen is no exception as I literally send shivers up and down her spine. She enjoys it. Perhaps too much...  but it is a boost to an ego that couldn't get a woman to even look at him in Toronto even if I was to spontaneoulsy combust in a high school cafeteria.

But it still seems as though I'm not getting any tonight, as this is just a feel-out date... to see if she can stand my company, and I hers.

Apparently she can... as it appears as though she is looking for a steady boyfriend. I'm not looking for a relationship... or if I am, I'm unsure if I want it to be with her. She's funny, sexy and intelligent. But she has a fair amount of baggage... and I'm not wearing a red cap. Red caps are men who are baggage carriers for customers on trains back in the 1900's up.

We have a vegetarian meal. I'm a meat eater. I don't think I can handle a vegetarian... though a meat eater does eat his fair share of vegetarians.

We kiss a bit and have a good time with each other. I leave her place at 6:30PM and arrive back home in the dark.

I'm still not sure I want to get mixed up with her. I miss Ashley.

Back home, I'm searching high and low for my passport which I will need for my trip to Thailand next week. When in doubt, call your dad. So I do. He says it's in my briefcase... the one I take to work everyday. That's a good guess, but I don't have a briefcase.

Still, he's more correct than not. It's in a plastic bag I take my stuff to work in. How the heck does he know? I've been carrying it around with me for a year... and he's back in Toronto.

I finish packing my stuff for my trip to Utsunomiya tomorrow and then for my trip to Thailand on Wednesday where I'll meet my mom who is coming in from Toronto.

At least I'll see one woman who doesn't have any baggage.

Somewhere needing a break from reality,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Pink Floyd: INEEDA
   

Whole Lotta Love

It's part two of July 4, 1991.
My ex-sexual partner Junko was stalking me until Shibata-sensei at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan found out and asked me if I wanted it stopped.
Agreeing, he made a phone called and then told me "It's done" before walking away to finish his cigarette.
I leave school and ride my bicycle home and feel as though I'm being followed by a white car—not a stretch considering most of Japan's cars seem to be white. But Junko, being female, I'm guessing doesn't have a white car. She would have one of those miniature pastel coloured cars manufactured by a car company so small I've never heard of it... but it was still quite popular in creating cars specifically for women.
I don't see Junko following me, but she's pretty darn good at it, so who knows. I would assume that any plan concocted by Shibata-sensei is still going to take a little while to begin.
Regardless... I ride home to my three-bedroom apartment and see Ashley sitting on the front steps waiting for me.
 I don't tell her about Junko because while Ashley and I are no longer a couple, I still want to figure out a way to get sex. I've spent the past couple of weeks slowly breaking down the wall she put up between us to ensure we didn't get back together again - because she really needs her space.
Yeah.
That's why she's waiting for me at my apartment. That's why she agreed to come over for dinner tonight. She needs space.
Soon.
We chat a bit while we sit on my couch. I can feel her leg on mine - and she doesn't pull away.
There's heat.
We cook up a pot of my famous/infamous chili and watch another episode of Designing Women on my Video Tape Recorder.
At 7PM, she gets ready to leave. I call her back, grab her hand, put my arm around her waist - there's no resistance. I'm sure France was easier to take over in WWII than this. Sorry France.
But not tonight.
Still... I tell her I'm not ashamed of her–she seemed to think I was, even believing that Matthew didn't like her. And while I never asked Matthew about that - he never said anything like that to me or ever gave that impression to me.
She smiles and says 'thanks.'
I tell her she doesn't have to leave, but she turns to go anyway... so I grab her again in a hug and kiss her hairy head and then give her a coy wink with a smirk on my face that would get me laid in the best whore houses in France for 200 Euros. Sorry again, France.
She turns and smiles a good bye as she leaves.
Well... that was easy. I sure hope Junko isn't waiting outside my apartment to kill Ashley.
I head out to night school to teach - there's a large crowd. There's even another gaijin (foreigner) there... Sarah, a heavy Italian girl from Hawaii who leads the discussion. That's fine. It's English conversation, and tonight I'm content to listen and chime in with the usually sexual innuendo. She's staring at me. Normally I wouldn't mind, but she does seem to outweigh me by some 20 kilograms, and these days I've hardly been starved of sex thanks to Junko, and probably Ashley again, very soon. So... I'm not biting.
I think the level of talk is too high for the group, as we chat about unions and the mob. Great. Leave it to the Italians to bring up the mob. Sorry France... I mean Italy. I just somehow expected it to be France's fault.
I go home and as I take off my shoes the door bell rings. It's Junko... but before I can open the door to let her in, I see two men behind her lurking in the shadows. One of them calls to her - she turns and runs down the stairs near my apartment and (after I run to the front balcony I see that:) she's trying to get into a car... it's red. See... I knew she wouldn't have anything but a chick car!
Anyhow... there's another man standing beside the driver's door - and he's not letting her in. He's not grabbing her or anything - he's just leaning against the car door casually smoking a cigarette.
I don't recognize any of the men.
I shout down at them to leave her alone... but the smoker yells up: "Daijobu, An-do-ryu-sensei." (It's okay Andrew teacher)... and then in English says loudly: "Junko-chan... you masto leavu An-do-ryu-sensei alone. Iki masho. (Let's Go!) We willu taku you baku to your maza's house."
I think he said he would take her back to her mother's house. Even I can't understand what I wrote.
And with that, Junko-chan seemed to slump with resignation and followed the men to their car, while another got into her red woman's car and followed close behind.
I went back into my apartment and closed the sliding doors to the balcony and drew shut the drapes and went to my fridge to get a Coke.
The phone rang... I picked it up reluctantly on the 36th ring... that's how you know it's a Japanese person on the other end... they ring more than seven times without hanging up. Or it could be Matthew.... and I swear he was becoming more Japanese everyday.
Regardless... it was Shibata-sensei, but he never said his name. I'm the one saying the Japanese words... Hmmm... maybe I'm turning Japanese? Probably. I think I repeatedly bowed to the phone while I was talking.
"An-do-ryu-sensei?"
"Hai (yes.)"
"It's done."
"I thought you said it was done before?"
"It's done now. Good night."
"Oyasuminasai (Good night)."
I hung up, turned on the television and had a long swig of Coke.
I never saw Junko again. I'm unsure if she saw me again.
By the way... if I had seen what Junko was wearing - or rather NOT wearing this evening, I would have taken on those three guys myself to stop them from having her stalk me. Any girl who dresses like that can stalk me any day.
Somewhere wondering what I have done,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Led Zeppelin: BACKTOSCHOOLIN'
PS: Just to let me know that there are other women in the world, along with see Ashley, and being hit on by Sarah, today I received in the mail a package from Kristine in Shiga-ken, a letter from a very beautiful adult student of mine who moved away to Ibaraki-ken - Yumiko Ebe, and a letter from Juanita back in Toronto.  Yet... I'm still by myself again, and despite opinions to the contrary, I don't take any satisfaction from that.
PPS: I love France. In fact... earlier this evening, I saw England. I saw France. I saw Junko's underpants.
I know... what's the big deal when I've already seen her naked so many times - but she sure looked sexy!  I miss her her sexy knock on my door... and that sexy way she rings my doorbell. Yes... you just put your finger on the button and press... but she had a way of making it look... sexy. I'm done. I'm going to bed now.