I'm well into my second year here in Japan - and as one of the more "well-known" AETs (Assistant English Teachers) here in Tochigi-ken, I have a reputation.
Actually, I have several reputations. I'm that funny guy. I'm that guy who could out-drink darn near everyone except a raging alcoholic. And I'm that guy who never seems to chase women, but seems to have one around all the time. I'm sure I could count on one hand the number of weeks I didn't have a 'girlfriend'.
It's not quite ego. I'm stating a fact. (For reference, I only actually asked one woman out while I was in Japan - Read about it HERE). So far, I've been lucky enough to be asked out by women.
I had always thought I looked decent enough, but I guess with being a more exotic variety of gaijin (foreigner), I did pretty well. Look... I was a bit darker than the Japanese and was taller and bigger (if you know what I mean), but I had brown eyes and black hair like them. But my sense of humour was pretty good - and I always seemed to have a smile on my face.... for public consumption, of course. I was a moody bastard alone in my apartment. For the other gaijin women, I was Canadian - but not your typical-looking Canadian, what with my Indian background. Though, truth to tell, I'm unsure what is typical of anything anymore.
And, when I began growing my hair down past my shoulders, I was In Like Flint.
Anyhow, as mentioned above, I was 'well-known' for my reputation and/or appetite. You'll notice I didn't say I was necessarily 'well-liked', though I hope that is the case.
I'm unsure of the count other AETs may have had, but to me, it's pretty obvious that I have slept with a lot of women on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme here in Tochigi-ken. I must have done alright for myself, as now in my second year, I continue to get phone calls from women--some of whom I have slept with, and others who have heard that I am a nice guy and single this week.
Subconsciously, I must have played on the fact that a lot of the gaijin women didn't necessarily want a boyfriend or a husband, but just wanted to feel... well, feel. And that's where I came in. I say subconsciously, because I don't think I am devious enough to actually concoct a plan of any sort.
To say that my ego was now as large as my prowess, is an understatement. But the only thing that actually stopped my ego from growing too out of control was this one nagging failure of mine... Ashley.
We had broken up pretty much early into my second year (for the 14th of 15th time)... and while I was not good enough for her to date or be with on a regular basis, I was good enough for so-called booty calls, should she be in the mood. I think I had sex more often with her when we were 'broken up' than together.
But it irked me. Sure I had slept with some 20 women over the past 15 months - pretty slick and sleazy for a guy who not only had never slept with a woman prior to arriving here, but also had a girlfriend through most of that time.
Not that it matters, but I do want you to know that I only slept around when Ashley broke up with me. I did not cheat on her. Despite the number of break-ups, and the frustrations associated with it, I was always pissed off that I couldn't have what I wanted.
Let's just call it a childish insecurity, and leave it at that. After having absolutely zero confidence back in Canada regarding women, and how to date them... I have confidence in spades here in Japan. Or do I?
To say that I could have slept with any woman I wanted, is misleading. I have never slept with Kristine or Catherine (Gasoline) - two women I would have killed yak for their supper if they had wished.
I wonder if it's because they don't throw themselves at me. Catherine, who probably has to fend off admirers with a kendo stick probably has absolutely no idea that I even like her. And Kristine... I know she likes me... but I always think of her as someone ultra-special... and how could I ever make a play for her when it was obvious I wasn't over Ashley. How did I know that? Kristine was kind enough to tell me one night over the telephone (denwa).
It's stupid, isn't it? My ego wouldn't let me enjoy possible relationships... just sex. Cripes, I hope that doesn't continue far into my future. Stranger still, I waited 25 years to finally have sex, and here I am complaining about it. What a rife, huh?
So... what's the point of all this? Beats me. I guess I just wanted you to know that despite having a lot of sex, it still wasn't enough. I wanted a partner.
Japan can be a lonely place sometimes. I wasn't homesick. Nope. I still love this country. But being a stranger in a strange land... well, people rarely take the time to get to know the real you. Friends like Matthew, he did a pretty good job of it - though I'm not going to sleep with him. He has found a wonderful woman in Takako - her birthday is November 14 - so wish her a happy one!
Me? My birthday's on the 8th of November. And while I know I'll get lots of well-wishes from the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) and from friends like Matthew and Kristine et al... I just wish I could escape this damn feeling of failure.
Somewhere moody,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by The Beatles. JOINME.
Did you listen to the song? If you just listen to the music, it'll get your feet a-tapping. Just don't listen too closely to the words in case they hit home.
PS: Today's entry is just a filler to let you know that while things are often all fun and games, they aren't always fun and games.
