Sex Doll Dentistry

So... what are your turn-ons?

I'm unsure if I am frightened or just a little bit turned on.

But... if it helps the profession, then I am all for it.
Take a look at the photo to the left. That dentist is practicing his skills on a sex doll. Yup. Open wide and say 'ohhh'.

Originally created for the horny young male who likes ejaculating into plastic, this sex doll is being used to train dentists at Showa University in Japan.

Showa Hanako 2 is a robot dental patient with all of the right curves and smoothness that will make you want to ravish her all over - but especially her mouth.

This is a robot that can actually chat with the dentist in training. Manufactured by robot maker Tmsuk Co., Ltd., externally it wears the 'skin' of the Dutch Wife-style love doll from Orient Industry, a Tokyo-based sex doll manufacturer.

Just a word of advice... do not click on this link at work: DOLL. Is anyone hiring?

My favourite is Ange.

Anyhow... this Hanako 2 Showa will be sold by the dental supply company The Yoshida Dental Manufacturing Co. Ltd. so that students everywhere can practice dentistry on a hot-looking Japanese female sex doll without the possibility of killing anyone. Dentistry and death - it's happened. Probably.

By it's very name, Showa Hanako 2, you can tell that there was a Showa Hanako 1 prior to this... and we''ll look at some of the improvements here.

Showa Hanako 2 is a way more realistic, functional and easier to abuse use. Thanks to the new life-like improvements in the sex doll, Showa Hanako 2 has a wonderfully soft silicone skin (it used to be PVC aka Polyvinyl chloride a thermoplastic polymer) and realistic mouth lining. Its tongue and arms have two degrees of movement (the robot actually has 10-points or articulation for the entire doll/patient) so it has a more natural appearance and movement, and can actually shake its head and choke.

The head used to be run on pneumatics (air-blown), but now utilizes small motors for more fluid movements.

The choking sounds like fun. Actually, the choking or gagging reflex is put in there just in case a clumsy dentist places an instrument too far down the throat. Hey... it all makes sense when you get your mind out of the gutter.

Hell, Showa Hanako 2 can also sneeze... that's also a good training tool, because a dentist should be able to retract all of his instruments from the patients mouth so they don't hurt themselves during the sneeze. Wow... this really is a great training tool.

Says a representative of Yoshida Dental Manufacturing: "We've been in contact with Orient Industry for over a decade, since before we produced Hanako 1. Even then, we thought we'd need professionals to help with the molding. If you don't try to make a robot's face look realistic, it doesn't have the same effect on users psychologically. How doctors and students actually feel in the presence of a patient is a really big factor. It makes quite a difference if students can train while experiencing the same kind of tension they'd feel about a human patient - thinking, for example, 'I'm really going to make this treatment work,' or 'Even the smallest mistake would be unforgivable.' We think it's okay for people to be tense while training, and to make mistakes, because, well, this is a robot."

Like its predecessor, having a female robot dental patient was important for the training of dentists mainly because it was felt that it was important that the would-be dentists get some practice in now in how not to accidentally touch a patient's breasts.

Yes... that was really one of the reasons given. However, I don't believe the Showa Hanako 2 has the ability to slap the dentist in training should one cop a feel. Maybe that can be added into Showa Hanako 3... though there are probably a few dentists out there who might enjoy being slapped.

Anyhow... I haven't been able to find a photo of Showa Hanako 2's breasts, but she sure does have the prettiest mouth I've ever come across. Ba-dum-bum.

What instrument would best work in here?

Says the Yoshida Dental Manufacturing representative: "We considered the motions of the tongue and mouth lining separately. To prevent water getting into the machinery and causing problems, we wanted to form those parts in one piece if possible. But the molding technology for doing that wasn't available to us. Orient Industry had that technology, and it helped us a lot."

Just like a human patient, robot sex girl Showa Hanako 2 can blink its eyes, roll its eyes, sneeze, shake its head, cough, move its tongue, and it actually gets tired of holding its mouth open. And here's the cool part--it can talk.

Thanks to its new conversation programming using speech recognition software from RayTron Inc. of Osaka, Japan, Showa Hanako 2 can chat with the dentist about whether or not she's done any fishing lately, or more realistically can state how she is feeling and what's bothering that purty little mouth of hers - it's proabably good practice for the dentist-in-training to try and understand just what the patient is saying while having a mouthful of drills and scrapers in her maw.

(Why can't I find out who the hell is actually saying this?!) The Yoshida representative continues: "People choke if you put your fingers down their throat, which is called the gag reflex. We've reproduced that reflex. Students are taught about this from textbooks, but it's hard to teach them what actually happens. So we've built a choking capability into this robot.

"Even when we first produced Showa Hanako, we were asked to sell it in four or five countries. But the problem was how we could keep offering maintenance, which is Tmsuk's job, if the robot came into widespread use. However, we thought that Showa Hanako should be sold through coordination among the government and organizations involved, as a technology from Japan, rather than from an individual university or company. Regarding actual feature development, speech recognition has gone very well, even better than we expected. We've found that the robot can recognize a variety of words, and accumulate a vocabulary. This will be really helpful when we do data mining from medical histories and patient databases. So we have the feeling that a new industry will be born in the medical field."

Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife applauds the creation of this doll. Anything that can turn on a dentist while allowing him to get better at a job is a-okay in my book. I should write a book.

Somewhere waiting for my delivery from Orient Industry,
Andrew Joseph

Love Me Two Times

Here's an aside about what I was going through in Japan. I found a slip of paper stuffed into my diary, and it could have been written at any time within the first two years of my life living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. I've edited it a bit.

Why is it that I keep on getting women with self-destructive personalities chasing after me?

I effing hate it.

Is it because I'm the some-what nice stable guy with a good sense of humour who seems to have it going all around me? Wow... if they only knew. But then, maybe I would have it all together if it wasn't for them. Yeah... probably.

I have never really chased a woman in my life. I have lusted after them - sure. That's what being a hetero-sexual guy is all about. It's part of the genetic make-up. I've always, at least since arriving here in Japan, pretty much just sat back and let the chips fall where they may.

I wonder why I was so infatuated with Ashley. She was my first girlfriend here in Japan... and we met on our second day in Tokyo, Japan arriving in late July of 1990 - she from Augusta, Georgia, USA and me from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. She was 21, me 25. I was a virgin.

Not from lack of trying, mind you... or perhaps it was a lack of trying. I was always too damn shy to talk to women, let alone ask them out. The ones I did ask out were already my friend by then... a useless, no-win situation. Guys... if you are friends with a woman, but you want more, that's a tough road to travel. It can be done, but is it worth the hassle?

Guys usually want convenience... we'll take what is around us, unless something better comes along.

It's the only explanation I can come up with for not making a play for Kristine. Ahhh, Kristine. I met her essentially my first day in Japan. I was walking through the lobby of the atrium, when this ultra sexy kitten sitting on a couch with a pair of crutches beside her and her ankle all bandaged up shouted out to me as I passed by.

"Hey! Hi!" she said. I replied in kind, probably a tad stunned that someone as pretty as her would deign acknowledge my existence let alone start up a conversation with me.

She was/is pretty, smart and has a wicked sense of humour. She was a take-charge type of person, and having always been shy my entire life (despite having been a journalist for the Toronto Star newspaper - that was work, so it was different, I guess), I was only too glad to accept her invite to join her and her group for a look around Tokyo.

To be honest, I was actually very afraid to leave the hotel by myself... I was just going to look around the lobby and perhaps peer out the front doors to see what Tokyo was like. I had/have no concept of how to speak the language and didn't know what to expect from the Japanese. But that first adventure out with Kristine and the rest of her Kinki block kids... well, it pretty much set the table as far as what Japan and the Japanese were like.
Briefly, because I did write about it once before: HERE - we went out, got lost, saw a soapland massage parlour, saw a transvestite call out to us, nearly died (me, anyways) and then were led back to our hotel by a very nice Japanese businessman who went completely out of his for several kilometers to lead us back to our hotel.

Sex, death and kindness.

Kristine, unfortunately, lives 500 kilometers west of me. the distance is not conducive to having a relationship... because despite wanting sex, I also wanted a relationship. I'm pretty sure I could have got both from my special K, but circumstances of distance dictated otherwise.

That left Ashley... again, I have no idea why she felt the need to hook up with me that second evening, as all of the new assistant English teachers (AETs) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme got together for the first time with some of the returnees... but she did. It was her lead. I just followed.

I've always been a kind of go-with-the-flow kind of guy, much to my chagrin. I'm envious of those leader types.

People seem to think I'm a leader here because I am outspoken, everybody here in Ohtawara seems to really like me, I make friends easily despite not knowing how to speak the language, and also because I actually give a crap about what is going on in people's life--both the Japanese and us, gaijin (foreigners). I try to put people at ease. I try and listen to people and offer advice. It might not be the right advice, but at least I offer some and try to help.

You wouldn't believe how many female teachers I have had personal one-on-one conversations with since I arrived! It's like when I showed my shock at how much this place is a male-dominated society... that first day at my OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) office or my first day at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School)... I was politely asked by a woman if I wanted a cup of o-cha... green tea.

I had learned very early on before leaving Toronto that it's impolite to reject hospitality in Japan. I had already tasted o-cha, and wasn't overly impressed by it. Still, every day now for the past two years, I have had maybe six or seven cups of it a day. There are strong differences between the teas, as I am sure every place uses a different brand of green tea... and you know what, after about two days of seven cups a day, I started to like it, and would look forward to it... but here's my point.

It was only the female teachers or OBOE workers who would make the tea and serve it to the men. Ever. I went to help the women once, and was told by some of the male teachers not to. So I did it again the next day. That was when I gained the respect of every woman in that school.

I guess word spread like wildfire, because I soon had women--married and single--coming up to me to ask my advice about their sexist husband, boyfriend or how to find a man who wasn't a a sexist pig. I told some of them to look for a non-Japanese guy and pray he isn't a sexist pig.

Though I am of Indian descent (the dot, not the feather), I was born in London, England, and lived my life in Canada from the age of 3 to 25 before arriving here in this small little rice-field city of Ohtawara.

Indian men are pretty chauvinistic. The Brits were, though perhaps not this decade... and the Japanese men are... wow... what century is this? Despite my background, my parents raised me well. My folks shared everything. So, not every Indian is a sexist pig, because my dad sure as hell wasn't one.

Also... growing up in Canada, I've really only known what it is like to be a Canadian. I am Canadian. Though I think I am developing Japanese tendencies, as I often catch myself bowing in acquiesce while on the telephone. So... with good parenting and living in a much free-er society than most, I consider myself to not be a chauvinistic bastard. I certainly have never tried to take advantage of a woman, I'm pretty sure I never will.

But here... what the hell is going on? Now that I am out of those virgin doldrums - thanks Ashley! - I seem to draw women who are flawed. Needy. Unable to think outside of themselves to think about "us".

It really pisses me off.

The only time I did find a woman who thought about "us" was in Thailand, were two women dated me separately and together without jealousy or without any ulterior motive. It was go out, have fun together, share a few laughs, have physical contact - sex... it was no big deal... but let me tell you... it was a big deal.

Any guy who just wants sex is not a man. A real man wants it all: Go out, have fun together, share a few laughs, and then have physical contact... yes I just repeated myself, because it bears repeating.

Any man, or any woman for that matter, who just wants sex without any of the above... they are flawed.

Now... I admit that I have had sex with women without any of that other good stuff... but it was NEVER, ever by MY choice. Sure it takes two to Tango (three to form a Conga line, but only one to do the Twist), but when the flow of blood travels down from your brain to elsewhere and the woman is hot to trot, common sense tends not to prevail.

I'm talking about Japanese women and gaijin women.. each who have tried to get what they thought they wanted--sex--from me perhaps to validate their own pathetic existence.

But that's not what I am here on this planet for.

I am not here to validate you.

I am here to validate me... and despite liking sex a lot and being quite good at it, that's not the be-all and end-all for me.

I want - have always wanted to find the right person with whom I could be happy with the rest of my life.

I have chased after Ashley more than anyone else here because she was my first... and I suppose I feel some sort of stupid attachment to her.

But shy Shoko too afraid to come out and date me by herself... stalker chick, Junko who only wanted sex, sex and more sex... Karen who wants me for a boyfriend (tried to ingratiate herself with my mother--successfully), but I only want sex, and not her for a girlfriend, so we've not done anything yet... Cathy, who wanted to feel loved and thought by offering me sex would help her achieve that... and a host of others I have never mentioned to you before.

I think only Canadian girl Christine was the only one who had it together. She didn't want a relationship per se, but was confident in herself, and simply enjoyed sex... no strings attached. I messed that one up by allowing Ashley to come back to me.

I have never chased a woman... they have all chased after me, broken up with me and then got back with me.

I think it's because if you were stupid enough to let me go, I sure as hell am not going to chase after you. But, when you think you have your crap together and realize your life would be better with me included, then, if I am able, I might welcome you back.

I said might.

I'm getting older, and a tad wiser.

Maybe I should seriously start scoping out who I want to be with and maybe I should make the first move... that way I don't just have needy, psychotic women chasing after me.

Someone who is smart, charming, witty and beautiful.

Why can't I have it all? I have all of those characteristics, but via more masculine verbiage. I deserve it.

That's it! I'm going to do it.

Then I won't be such a miserable prick... at least that's how I feel internally. Poor Matthew. He's my buddy and fellow AET who lives here in Ohtawara with me, but teaches at the junior high schools outside of town. He puts up with my moody moods stoically and has done a great job of bringing me out of them. It's a pity I have allowed myself to slip back down whenever another woman tries to become involved in my life.

I'm not blaming the whole female species for me being less than happy internally. But there sure have been a lot of them. Why don't the non-needy ones chase me?

Maybe I should just forgo women for a while and just concentrate on enjoying Japan and Japan alone? That was why I originally came here, wasn't it? No... it was to get laid.

But, mission accomplished, by some 25+ different women. Not bad for a guy who had a girlfriend for a year and didn't cheat on her. Maybe I should be more like Canadian Christine... enjoy have sex when it's available but don't worry about it.

But you know what... when you haven't had sex until you were nearly 26... there's always that nagging feeling that the last time you had sex might actually BE the last time you have sex.

Somewhere, enjoying Japan for the first time--again,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by the Doors: MORRISONRULES!
PS: And you know what... I did do what I said I would do. I decided to forget about women for awhile, to spurn their advances, and not advance on them (not that I did). It took a little getting used to... but over the next little while, you will start to see a change in the way I started to live my life. You know what the only problem was? I developed a different type of stress.. one that only food could help.
PPS: Over the next little while: The rise of Andrew Joseph... which unfortunately means his stomach. But even that can't last. Nothing ever does with Andrew, he writes in the 3rd person narrative.
PPPS: So...I whine quite a bit in this entry. But that's okay. I'm sharing. I have nothing to hide. Nothing at all. I think it's time to start letting myself become more... me.

2008 Miss Universe Japan

Mima Hiroko 2008 Miss Universe Japan

Okay... so are you ready for a Miss Universe scandal involving sex, lies and videotape?



Well... the 2008 Miss Universe Japan Mima Hiroko (surname first - 美馬 寛子) was allegedly involved in a sex tape! Yay! ... er... I mean, how shocking.



First some background information... patience... if you take your time, you can make the blog experience last longer.



Mima-san was born on December 5, 1986 in Tokushima-shi (Tokushima City) Tokushima-ken (Tokushima Prefecture) on Shikoku-jima (Shikoku Island), Japan. She stands 1.73 meters tall (5'-8") and has black hair and brown eyes.I searched high and low for her weight and measurements, but it seems as though Mima-san in intent on keeping that private. 



She was a student at Nihon University studying physical education - which is quite the achievement considering that as a 13-year-old, she was afflicted with a bone marrow disease that knocked her out for three months, and  then was hit with Guillain–Barré syndrome. It's an acute inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy disorder affecting the peripheral nervous system causing ascending paralysis beginning in the feet and hands and migrating towards the trunk. While Mima-san was cured, this disease can be a killer if it hits the organs like the lungs.



Take a look at her in the photo above... she obviously made a full recovery. She worked her butt off and got back to her love of sports and competed at the Japan National Track and Field Competition excelling in high jump.



She was crowned Miss Universe Japan on April 3, 2008, and while scandal-free, it was still a bittersweet victory for Mima-san, as months before the competition her grand-mother died after slipping on the bathroom floor and her father died in a car crash - in two very obviously non-related incidents.     



She represented Japan at the 2008 Miss Universe pageant held in Nha Trang, Vietnam on July 14, 2008 and got to the second round - the Swimsuit competition for the final 15 before eventually placing in 14th position, making her the top Asian contestant.



Now... here's the scandal:

Apparently no love lost or was there?

Mima-san and Anya Ayoung-Chee, the 2008 Miss Universe of Trinidad and Tobago were filmed having sex with Ayoung-Chee's boyfriend and all-around lucky bastard Wyatt Gallery and with each other.



Here's what a Miss Universe representative had to say on the matter:

"This (video) was apparently (made) eight months after the pageant and neither were the reigning titleholder."

As well: "The photographer is not a Miss Universe staffer so we have nothing to say or any involvement, thank goodness."

At least, that is what was been reported when the story first broke.



But there's much more to it... as more news broke, no one seemed to want to update their blogs. Well, for Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife, its been a few years now, so now the whole story can be told.



Yes, Gallery and his girlfriend Ayoung-Chee (Miss Trinidad and Tobago) did indeed make a sex tape... and yes, it included a second woman, a friend of theirs. (Lucky, lucky bastard!) But Gallery adds that Mima-san (Miss Japan) was not the other girl.  She merely looked like her.



Apparently that racist statement holds true about all Asians looking alike. Idiots.

Miss Trinidad & Tobago & Miss Japan

But the story still seems to have legs (not as nice as Mima-san's), as it still makes the news every time a Miss Universe pageant is about to begin.



But the real problem for Ayoung-Chee (Miss Trinidad & Tobago... my aunt is from there.. and I swear, I've never, ever met anyone who says they are actually from the Island of Tobago!), is that while Gallery has said the sex video was shot in 2007, the Miss Universe representatives have said it was shot eight months after the pageant... which meant she could have been stripped of her title for conduct unbecoming of a really, hot woman who likes sex,... er, I mean beauty pageant winner.

Who's that girl? Certainly not Miss Japan!

Anyhow... Ayoung-Chee wasn't stripped of her crown, just some of her dignity. The same goes for poor 2008 Miss Universe Japan Mima Hiroko, who didn't even get any sex but was accused nonetheless by a shortsighted audience too busy going blind with one-handed stimulation.



Gallery says the video tape was on his computer when he took it in to be fixed at a shop in Trinidad (not Tobago), and someone there must have stolen it.



Despite Gallery's obvious addiction to Asian-looking women (like most of the guys reading this blog), he was quite contrite: "I feel horrible and embarrassed for Anya, her family and myself, because this was a private moment that was never supposed to be made public. This was an intentional, malicious sabotage against
Anya and her career, and I feel stupid for not deleting the files off of my computer."



Anyhow... should you wish to view the sex tape, you can look it up yourself. I can't just give you a link... you would still have to download it. Regardless... here's a still from the illicit sex romp video. I don't think it looks like her... but then, I'm not looking for trouble.



And should you wonder, Dayana Mendoza of Venezuela won the 2008 Miss Universe contest. A photo of her sits under me... er, I mean my name.



 Files compiled by Andrew Joseph

Miss Universe 2008

Big In Japan

Today is Tuesday, October 8, 1991.



I'm an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme living in the sleepy city of Ohtawara (about 200 kilometres north of Tokyo) in the prefecture of Tochigi, Japan.



It's my last day of work at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School), as I have permission to attend a team-teaching demonstration put on by my friend Matthew tomorrow, and then on Thursday, I'm on a short vacation to Sendai with my ex-girlfriend, but current friend-with-benefits, Ashley.



I have no idea why we are going away on a vacation together. It was her idea. As mentioned, while I can have a dominant personality and can get lots of people to do what I want, I prefer that they decide what they want to do, and if I agree, then I can get everyone else to do it. Control without being the known leader, I suppose. God I hate being introspective, sometimes.



Or, in this case... Ashley asked, I, like a good little puppy dog who is still in love or lust or severe like with her, readily agrees. I assume there will be sex. After all... we're friends - with benefits... and the only important benefit I know of from being anywhere with one's ex-girlfriend, is sex.



Going on a vacation together with someone who is your ex... well, isn't that what couples do... or just friends... not friends-with-benefits!



If I still had any blood left in my brain, I would have not gone with Ashley tomorrow... but I'm thinking about sex, and I'm thinking that her asking me to accompany her means she wants to get back together. Right? Am I right? I'm not sure...



It's still raining today.   Like yesterday, I help the kids with some English listening comprehension tests to help them prepare for a big exam. It's still fun, and it's still very much interesting to me.



However, lunch is quiet as the class I eat with lacks the guts or gumption to talk to me... although one young boy (this is a 3rd year class - Grade 9's), Suzuki-san is always peppering me with interesting questions. He's always a pleasure to talk to at this school...



Kanemaru-san and Hanazaki-san drop by the school while Suzuki-san and I are talking (that's lucky... show's I can talk to the kids!). Those two old guys (who are about as old as I am now in 2011 - 46), are my bosses/supervisors with the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education). Two nicer men I have yet to meet on this planet.



They bring along (from the teacher's lounge), Shibata-sensei, the young, hip, good-looking English teacher  who has all the female students swooning after him. Along with being brilliant and charming and funny, Shibata-sensei is also one heck of a good English speaker and very quick translator.



I'm telling... I got very lucky to be posted - or chosen - in this city. Actually... I think the Board offices get a say on who they want. I think Hanazaki-san once told me that they liked the fact I was a journalist with the Toronto Star newspaper... one of North America's best newspapers. I'll admit it was a selling point.



The three of them tell me that I have to pay a personal and city tax. Nertz.



On the plus side, the OBOE says they will cover that for me. They will put the money directly into my bank account (The Ashikaga Ginko (Ashikaga Bank), Ohtawara Branch) for me. That money will then be withdrawn by them to pay the two tax bills.



That is so cool of the OBOE. I also like how they came in person to tell me, rather than just calling up Shibata-sensei to tell me.



I go home, write a letter and relax. It's still bloody raining. I hope it won't tomorrow when a score of other AETs will be coming here to Ohtawara to watch Matthew do his team-teaching demonstration. Cripes... I hope my OBOE doesn't see too much of a disparity between what he does and what I does... otherwise they might actually make me do real work!



I watch some television and crash to bed at 12AM.



Oh... Karen Irwin called. She's a new AET (high school AET like Ashley - so she won't be there at Matthews demo) living in Yaita-shi (City of Yaita), 10 kiometers to the south. She's originally from North Bay, Ont... and arrived here two months ago. In that time she has made it clear that she would like us to slow down (IE no sex!), became buddy-buddy with my visiting mother going on little trips together, and even went on a 3-day trip to Nikko-shi (Nikko City) with Ashley.



I don't know what they talked about... the ex, and the girl who would eventually be my ex, if I let her (all women everywhere could eventually be my ex-girlfriend if they try hard enough).... but this evening... it is apparent that they talked.



Karen seemed to know a little too much about me. My mother - while she did like Karen very much - was no dummy, and I know she would never tell anyone anything about me. Ashley... she might, seeing as who we weren't together anymore... I expect that Karen would want to know the ugly stuff. Me being moody and crap like that. Truth is... I was only moody after Ashley caused me to be moody. But Ashley doesn't know that... and neither does Karen.



Karen attempts to psychoanalyse me. Really? This chick is going to try and get inside MY head? I'm already onto her clumsy attempts about 15 seconds into our telephone conversation! For me... this is like a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.



Because I know what she's doing - and why (she wants to know what makes me tick, and why Ashley and I broke up - perhaps so she can avoid the same mistakes), she pisses me off.



You know what led to Ashley and I breaking up? It was her pissing me off. Congratulations Karen. You've managed to piss me off even before we've become boyfriend/girlfriend. I guess there'll be no sex, now. Crap.



Regardless of the tempest raging inside my skull... I play it cagey and play it cool. She has no idea just how angry I am.



It's the real reason why I go to bed early today. I lie there and wonder...



Okay... Ashley came back from her trip to Nikko with Karen in a bitchy mood. Karen is acting inquisitive towards me. That means that Ashley knows Karen and I made out. It also means she knows Karen wants to go out with me... and if I know Karen, she probably asked Ashley if that was okay.



That probably put Ashley in a bad mood. It could also explain why Ashley suddenly asked me if I wanted to accompany her to Sendai... it's a little jealous revenge thing against Karen... who I don't think knows that Ashley and I are still sleeping together on occasion.



Great... all I need now are more women to start talking with each other about. That could never happen, right? Am I right? Even I don't want to think about the real answer.



Somewhere thinking about tomorrow and tomorrow,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is by Alphaville: BIG  Lyrics are right below the video.

Pull My Strings

Just the one blog today... I'm doing too many things at once: writing a piece for work, watching a movie, playing Final Fantasy XIII on my PS3, and making myself dinner, as everyone is out.



So... let's look back at October 7, 1991 in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan where I am still an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.



It's a Monday and it's raining. I'm feeling tired still - probably more of a mental thing, or an alcohol-fueled binge thing. Whatever. I don't ever get hang-overs, and I only seem to need about 5 hours sleep to function what I consider normally.



I'm at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) for just two days, as I then get to watch a team-teaching demonstration put on my my buddy Matthew, who lives in town but teaches at the junior high schools outside of it. After that, I'm going on a little vacation with my ex-girlfriend, but current friend-with-benefits Ashley - out to Sendai to the north. It should be exciting - both the time with her and the area of Sendai. There's a castle there... and where else should a prince be but with his princess in a castle?



Yeah... I'm still hung up on her. She has her problems... but then again... so does every single woman I've met and or slept with in this land. I'm not just sleeping with American women. Nope... this Toronto boy has slept with women from more countries than Hitler invaded. I added another notch on the old bedpost last night. I have no idea what her name was... Kimiko, maybe. A nice girl, but not too nice, if you know what I mean.



Hell... I wonder if we'll ever see each other again. They always seem to come back... but maybe it's just me. Maybe I get bored easily... or, I'm still hung up on Ashley. We broke up, and I don't like it. Actually... I think I hate the concept of not getting what I want even more.



I'm not painting a very flattering picture of myself, am I? Truth be told, until I arrived here in Japan, I had never slept with a woman. I had dated maybe five women, one of whom was my girlfriend for three months before she went back to school in another city 200 kilometres away. Maybe that's why I like convenience in my relationships with women. Give me convenience or give me death! That's an old Dead Kennedys album name, and where I got the song that inspired this blog entry's title.





I have four classes today. Figures. Six periods, and I always have a busy day after a night of shagging or drinking. Oh well... it's better to be busy than bored.



All my classes are with third-year students (Grade 9). We all have a good time as I provide them with listening comprehension tests. I then give advice on how to pass an English exam. It's bizarre... because although I am an English teacher (and in 2011 am a writing professional), I did fail Grade 11 English... there's some silly rule here in Canada which says you have to show up for classes and then apply yourself. I did eventually.



I really feel good because I actually think I;ve helped the students learn something worthwhile.



Lunch is pretty good, too. I spend it with some girls who want to know about my sex-life.



Really? Even here in school/work I can't get away from it.



Still, the girls are all cute and funny, and aren't interested in the gory details. There's no pretensions... just honest questions.



I suppose I 'm breaking the mold by answering these so-called objectionable questions. Ha! I pity the next AET who will eventually take my place.



During my spare time, I write a few letters home, watch the rain fall while pretending to study my Japanese conversation homework I've given myself. I'm useless at it. Whatever I'm doing now seems to be working fine enough to get me drunk, fed and or laid. What else is there for a 27-year-old single guy in Japan?



I ride my bicycle home in the rain, not quite oblivious to all of the students who smile and wave at me as I pass them walking home. At least I don't get hit by a car like i did around this time last year... the first of two such accidents in a week's span.



I go to my night school English conversation class that I teach on the side for fun and profit. My Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office is cool with me doing this. A lot of other Boards are not and don't allow their AET to do anything outside of regular Board activities. I'm very lucky to have such a liberal and kind office.



At the night class, I chat with all of my students and try to teach the 20+ women (and 5 guys) in my class. Most of them make goo-goo eyes at me. It's tough to teach when you know that.



Yukiko Matsuda (Matsuda is the surname that is anglosized into the Mazda car company - though, AI'm pretty sure she's not directly related) gives me a letter top take home and read. It's all about what she is up to, and how we should get together for a dinner soon. Ohhh-kayyy.



Shoko, the giel I went out with last Thursday, but who brought along a girlfriend to translate for us, looks very cute and sexy, but keeps averting her eyes when she knows I am looking. She has great legs, so I'm looking a lot!



Unfortunately three's a crowd, and I'm unsure if I want to go out with her again. Besides... I'm going to be busy for the next little while.



I go home (no one calls) and crash at 12AM. That's early for me. I guess I'm just a bit jaded and tired today.



Somewhere alone in the city,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is by The Dead Kennedys: SELFRESPECT

PS: I've always loved punk music. I've never had the hair or the look, more of a suburban punk. I guess we all rebel in our own way. The point is to keep your self respect. At this point in my life in Japan, I don't think I have it. I only think I do. 

Can't Explain

Today is Wednesday, September 25, 1991.
I'm living in Ohtawara City, Tochigi-ken, Japan working (sometimes) as an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.
My dad calls at exactly 7:10AM just as I asked him to yesterday. Because I have a female student who speaks Spanish, I thought I could get a few lines from my dad to help me look smart and charming.
However, my dad says that rather than just tell me a few phrases, he'll send me a book.
I'd have preferred the quick fix because I'm only at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) until the end of this week and won't be back for a month or more, but still... it's better than nothing.
I have three classes today. As usual, they all involve me reading from the English text book and having the class and then individual students repeat it.
I'm really tired today, but I survive because really, what other option do I have?
At lunch, I play with the mentally challenged kids (I always eat lunch with them when I visit this school... I have to admit, despite their learning disabilities, these kids are so much fun and lively, and are always playing practical jokes on myself and the other kids and teachers... it warms my heart!).
Because they have to do some chore or something, I find some first-year students to play with. It's raining, so all of our activities are indoors.
I then look out for and find the Peruvian girl. She nearly dies laughing after I say that one of the boys is "loco de la cabeza" (in Japanese it's 'Atama no kurutta')", which if I recall my Speedy Gonzales cartoons, it means 'crazy in the head'.
Ahh... it's good to be the king!
After school, I ride over to my back doctor for an adjustment, though I still feel tense when he's finished. Oh well, at least I no longer ned to wear the back brace I had brought with me 14 months ago.
Next, it's over to my kyudo (Japanese archery) club with my ex-girlfriend Ashley (who now better serves me or us as a friend-with-benefits), and one of my Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) supervisors, Kanemaru-san, who is teaching both of us archery. We both suck... or rather I do. Ashley's not so bad at it. She's a lot better than I am and it pisses the hell out of me considering I bragged to the Japanese about my sports dominance back in Canada.
Oh well... if the Japanese are smart (and they are), they simply have to look at the sports dominance of the USA versus Canada and know that the Yankees are a whole lot better than us Canuckleheads. Of course, Ashley isn't a damn Yankee... she's a southerner from Augusta, Georgia.
Having said all that, I hit a bullseye on my first shot.
Then, because form and technique are everything in Japanese society, Kanemaru-san begins to teach me the proper way to hold an arrow in my bow. Damn, but that feels a lot better! My finger no longer hurts!
Of course, I don't hit the target again for the next hour, but at least my form is good.
That's kind of what gets me about Japan. I finally succeed in shooting an arrow and hitting the target dead-on, but because it doesn't conform to the Japanese way, I am deconstructed.
Fortunately, my other supervisor Hanazaki-san, did not attempt to change the way I hold my chopsticks. Round about my first week in Japan - certainly the second day I ever spent at the OBOE office, Hanazaki-san took a pair of pencils and taught me the correct way to hold them as through they were chopsticks.
Now... perhaps because my hands were a little wider or longer, I couldn't grip those pencils the same way as he, and therefore had to create a different grip for myself. I showed it to him - and he said if it works for you, then maybe Japan could learn from Canada.
My test with the chopsticks involved me having to pick up slick, raw shelled beans with them.... if I could do it quickly by picking them up from one bowl and then into another, then my style was golden.
I'm still awaiting my royalty cheque from having taught the world a different chopstick grip. Excluding my pinkie finger and index finger, I use the two middle ones and my thumb to grab food as fast or faster than the Japanese.
Back to the point - kyudo: Because I am tired, my eyes are, too... or maybe it's the other way around.
When we finish, and Kanemaru-san drives Ashley back to my place. She hangs around and watches a couple of Mission Impossible episodes (original series) and one of McGyver.
I figure she's hanging around for a reason, so I sit beside her on my couch and cop a feel. My grip must be good because I feel no pain, though there is the odd moan evoked.
She doesn't seem to mind (or say a word) as I unbutton her blouse and move her bra out of the way... as I time it perfectly for the end of McGyver, because as soon as it's over she jumps me!
We head for the bedroom and without going into details (which I have actually written down here in my diary), we come out gasping for air 90 minutes later marveling at how good that felt.
Not an idiot, despite what I have written under the name of the whole blog, I suggest that maybe we can do it more often.
She smiles, and in her usual understated way simply says, "maybe." No capital 'M' either. Now that's understated.
It's also so friggin' Japanese. The Japanese have a hundred different ways of saying maybe, including the infamous sucking of air through the teeth... which is all done rather than saying 'no" and possibly disappointing someone. Is Ashley turning Japanese?
If not, at least it wasn't a 'no'. But if the endorphins weren't kicking in, perhaps it would have been. Who the hell knows what she is thinking? Probably that we are just friends-with-benefits. But I want more. The king wants more!
I ride my bicycle back to her place. Tell her I enjoyed the evening, and ride home floating on a cloud.
Oh yeah... while I was making the moves on Ashley, Kevin called wanting to talk with me about last Saturday night. That was when he kept trying to poach the Japanese woman I was chatting up - and doing quite well with - until he butted in and started speaking his fluent Japanese drawing her out of our broken English/Japanese chat. Bastard.
I tell Kevin I have my hands full with some things now (and I do, too, thank you Ashley), so he suggests we chat tomorrow. I say okay.
What the hell is there to talk about? Bastard. Just don't ever get in my way again! Stupid gaijin.

Somewhere riding the high,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is sung by: The Who: MINDMINDMIND

I Wanna Be Loved By You

Oh... this is going to be awkward.

After spending the night with Cathy who had invited herself over... I am consumed by guilt.

Not because I used her (I did), but because I think she likes me more than I like her. Maybe. I don't want a girlfriend - or if I do, it's with my old girlfriend Ashley who is now my friend-with-benefits. 

Part of me wanting to be with Ashley stems from the fact that I am stubborn. Or at least I am nowadays. 

I dislike losing.   

I dislike not being liked.

I dislike not being the center of attention.

And, while Ashley has not replaced me with anyone else... I know that THAT feeling would be the worst of all... like how could so-and-so be better than me? 

Yes, I'm aware it's ego. It's also self-confidence. I'm confident that it's ego.

Just an hour before I slept with Cathy, I slept with Ashley. Yes, alcohol was involved, but since I was able to sleep with both of them, I'm going to assume that not THAT much alcohol was involved... at least not for me.

Today is a holiday. 

Welcome to Monday, September 23, 1991 here in Ohtawara City, Tochigi Prefecture in Japan where I am an assistant English teacher here on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Progarmme for nearly 14 months. Ashley has been with me since say 2 of my arrival, and Cathy I met this past August. I also met Karen at that time. I am trying to date local fox Shoko. And while I am trying to get as much sex as inhumanly possible, if I was to have a girlfriend, it would be solely with Ashley.

I don't like to lose. Ever. 

Of course, I wasn't always like that. I used to be shy and wishy washy up until I did my second year of journalism at Humber College (after like five years at University wasted getting a political science degree - seriously... what do you do with a BA in political science?). It was there that I came out of my shell... and met a woman who wanted to go to Japan on the JET Progarmme. At college, I was a success at damn near every thing I touched.. and it showed by me getting into the Programme and into the Toronto Star's Summer Internship programme, as the first ever college student to do so.

So... you can see how when I arrived in Japan... I wasn't used to losing. Combine that to the fact that suddenly women found me attractive... well... a guy can get full of himself... but what the hell.... I took it up the butt for 20 years... Japan was/is my time to shine.

So... despite sleeping with both Ashley and Cathy last night, I have to tell Cathy that while I like her, I don't like her anymore than as just a friend. That I don't want her for a girlfriend.

She says that's all right and then immediately begins kissing me again. 

Just like when I broke up with Ashley and then she decides it's actually over three days later—doesn't anybody listen to me? I have a big freaking voice! Powerful. Rich and fairly deep! People don't usually have a problem hearing me or understanding what it is I am talking about. 

But Cathy apparently doesn't understand that. Or maybe she just wants more more boink before she goes. Okay. Whatever.

We have separate showers, dress and small talk some more. She tries again—how much can one man take?!—as I show her my puzzle, she begins kissing my face and stroking my hair while marveling at how thick it is. I assume she was talking about my hair.

I walk her to the bus stop, more or less pat her on the back (so as to not give her false hope), as I turn and leave. She says something—a farewell perhaps— but I'm too embarrassed by me rejecting her that I don't turn around and instead mumble "See ya."

I tidy up my apartment, wash my sheets and finally get a replacement glass face for my watch (which I am still wearing 20 years later). I had a crack in the face that was letting in moisture and fogging up my sight. To dry up the moisture, I found that merely placing the watch into my microwave/convection oven for 10 seconds would not only dry up the water, but it would also cause some massive electrical arcing within the oven. Yeah, it could have exploded... but after 10 seconds? I figured a dry watch was worth the risk... so I did it for eight days.

While my eyebrows will eventually grow back (they did six hours later) , I figured I should get the watch fixed. 

Ashley comes over for dinner. I had told her about Cathy being horny and probably wanting me and begged her to spend the night. Rather than that, she did ask me to ride her home. We had fun along the way and back at her place before I headed back home to take care of Cathy. I had promised Ashley that we would continue today, with the best sex we've ever had... but... while we are eating the traditional Japanese fare of tacos while watching a few videos, it's obvious we are both too tired to help me live up to my truthful boast.

I ride home with her, make out a short while and then go straight back home and head to bed.

What a strange long weekend. I seem satisfied, but I still feel bad about having to let Cathy down. But my relationship with Ashley seems to have improved immensely.

Oh...  you know what? Ashley didn't ask me about any details about last night with Cathy - and I didn't volunteer any, except to say that I tried to let her down easily and honestly.     

Somewhere feeling good about the future,

Andrew Joseph

Our blog title is inspired by Marilyn Monroe: POOPOOPEDOOP

Cathy's Clown

If yesterday was any indication of how my second-year in Japan was going to be - what with a another guy trying to poach a woman I was talking to - then hold on to your hats, o reader... things get interesting.

It's Sunday, September 22, 1991 here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan... I'm an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme... and I spent most of the first year in a committed relationship with Ashley, a woman from Augusta, Georgia in the USA, whom I met on my second day here. Whenever she would break up with me... some other woman would magically show up at my door willing to take her place.
It's sounds like pure fantasy... but let me assure you that what I write here is true. I'm not the best-looking guy in the world, or the smartest or the funniest... and as I'm sure you can all attest, I am hardly the best writer in the world... but there's nothing wrong with being second-best.
Perhaps by accident, perhaps by design... I am no longer sure what the heck I was thinking, but I did realize that here in Japan, all the gaijin (foreigner) men were chasing Japanese women. I was at a distinct disadvantage owing to the fact that I was shy and could not speak the language. By shy I mean that I couldn't or wouldn't make the first move.
As such... I had a whole lot of gaijin women on the JET Programme who did not seem very interested in being hit on by a plethora of drunken Japanese men, but did not seem to mind one drunken Canadian man. Me.
I slept with a couple of Japanese women and some Thai women and about seven other AETs during my first year in Japan... and I was looking to add a few more to that number... or so I thought.
Ashley and I had broken up, but we did remain friends-with-benefits. Trouble is... I was still in love with her. I hate failing at anything. I had done enough of that in the past back in Canada... but by re-inventing myself here, I vowed to exude self-confidence... even if I wasn't self-confident.
It's all about perceptions.  
Today... I get up at 12:30PM. Blah.
I do some laundry which helps me think.
Catherine, one of the new AETs who had arrived in Japan a month and a half ago from England calls me up and invites herself over.
When she arrives an hour later, I show her around town, discovering quite a few things myself that I'll have to look at in greater detail later.
We arrive back at my apartment at 6PM - Ashley phones.
I invite her over.
I'm pretty sure that Catherine likes me too much... and I only like her. I'm afraid I may have led her on quite a bit, as I spent a lot of time showing the newcomers around Tokyo (with Matthew), and around the Tochigi-ken capital of Utsunomiya (again with Matthew). I'm afraid my outgoing, friendly personality and my willingness to call up the newcomers (actually... most of the people I called were women) (I am a dog).
Anyhow... Ashley, Catherine and I go to Tsubuhachi - a local restaurant I enjoy before heading over to the 4C bar - a bar I enjoy.
Matthew comes over with his friend Robert and some other Japanese girl I met last night when mutual acquaintance Kevin was pissing me off by trying to intervene in my picking up of a beautiful Japanese woman at the 4C.
Sitting at a bar table, Catherine is on my right and Ashley is on my left.
Catherine begins making a pass at me by stroking my thigh and moving up quite a bit, if you know what I mean.
I lift up the table cloth slightly and lean over to Ashley and tell her what's going on.
I then ask her to please sleep over at my place.
She said "I'll think about it."
She says: "I'm scandalized that someone would be that horny."
Really, Ashley? You're a funny woman!
After enough drinks to kill a rhino, the three of us stagger home.
Now... I know what you are thinking, and so was I - especially after engaging in a threesome back in Thailand two months ago! But.. you have to know your audience... while I am unsure about Catherine, I was pretty sure Ashley wasn't going to play along.
Ashley asks (in front of Catherine) if I would ride her home to Nishinasuno (about 25 minutes northwest of my apartment), because she is too drunk.
Thanks, Ashley. I owe you one.
I leave Cathy napping on my sofa. I'm still thinking I can do things with her when I get back - probably because I've been drinking.
So... I ride out with Ashley and make her stop near the Ohtawara Wedding Hall. We begin making out - and play grabby pants - but we agree to continue back at her place.
We race over - because nothing gives one energy like the prospect of sex... have some wham-bam-thank-you ma'am and then tell her I;ll see her tomorrow for the best sex she's ever had. She stammers an 'okay' probably  wondering how I was going to top some of the things we have done previously.
I ride home.
It's been an 90 minutes since I left (I told you it was quick with Ashley - which is why I figured I really owed her).
I drag Catherine to bed and immediately begins to strip and kiss me. I have no idea how I'm able to want to do this again - but then again, I remember I am 26.
I hope she doesn't notice how wet my groin is and wonder if I have Ashley's scent all over me... but then that moment quickly passes and I get down to work. Actually, a part of me does hope that she notices.
I pass out for a quick cat nap after I am done, and then get woken up for more.
Are you serious? Doesn't anyone realize I am tired? Hello... penis... I'm tired... go to sleep.... but it doesn't. Again. I'm 26.
As we are doing it, I pop a muscle and it hurts like a bugger.
I am too tired to continue even when it goes back in place.
Christ. Condoms?! It's a good thing I didn't finish inside... but still!
That was stupid.
I go to sleep with her scarecrow blonde hair draped all over my chest - sticky like a cobweb.
What the heck do I do now?
Catherine... sorry, but I don't want a girlfriend.
Ashley... sorry, but I want more than a friend-with-benefits.

Somewhere in a tangled web,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by the Everly Brothers: WEB  

Do You Wanna Dance?

I actually had a headline in my diary of: Dancing, drinking, dining and ? So, I'm going to use it in my opening line.

It's Sunday, September 15, 1991 here in lovely Ohtawara City, Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. It's a pity I'm not going to be here much today.

I get up at 9:29AM - exactly one minute before Ashley phones to wake me up. I would have killed her if she had. You know what I mean... you are always ticked off when someone else wakes you up.

Matthew comes over 20 minutes later, and we ride over to Nishinasuno-eki (Nishinasuno train station) and the ride the rails down to the Tochigi capital city of Utsunomiya.

We are supposed to participate in some cultural even with other assistant English teachers (AETs) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme - international dancing.

I'm pretty sure Matthew is like me - what the hell? Dancing? But, when asked, we have always done our duty while here in Japan. Always. We might occasionally whine about it to each other, but we are always there front and center whenever cultural barriers need to be fortified or broken down.

We don't ride down with Ashley - she must have got on the train before us. Matthew and I take an Express Train to the city, as we missed an earlier one by four minutes. Arriving, we are early and go to the local Robinson's department store and play some video games at their arcade.

I can't remember the name of the game, but the object is to shoot at any alien that moves. Is there a game called Area 51 where you use a hand held gun? When we finish, we both feel like we need to kill someone or something. It was that intense. So, with that in mind, we head over to the dance-thing and proceed to kill the afternoon.

At a Prefectural board room, we practice dancing some of the usual cultural dances that everybody does back in Canada and the United States: The Hawaiian Hula; France's Can-Can; and some redneck line dance which is supposed to represent Canada. Geez... I have watched all of these dances before... but does anybody really want to watch a guy with hairy legs kick up his heels and do the Can-Can? I'm not wearing underwear today! Watch out first row! You know I'm going to be front and center on the stage! Ego? Maybe... But, I also know that is where they will put me.

Fellow AET Alan Broomhead wonders aloud why we are doing this dance stuff when we should be trying to break down the cultural stereotypes. Man... when you are right, Alan, you are right. I need a beer.

During the dances, I am indeed front and center in the show. I think I need to stop answering my phone so I don't get roped into these things. Dancing. Yeesh.

When it's all over (man, I can't dance for beans), Matthew and I, as the more mature people, lead the other AETs to a Japanese fast food place. Okay, Matthew and I aren't really leaders or all that mature... we are just the ones who have been here the longest - though Ashley, who has also been here nearly 14 months, was merely a dance spectator and didn't seem to mind that others - Matthew & I  - were in the spotlight. To be honest, I think Ashley always hates being in the spotlight... and being with me as my boyfriend in Japan was always putting her in some sort of spotlight - probably another reason not to be my boyfriend. I mean... who wants a boyfriend that breaks into a closed pottery museum or gets drunk and wakes up within a previously-locked taxidermy exhibit of a forest scene? Apparently a lot of women, according to the notches on my bedpost... just not the girl I wanted.

More on the spotlight... I wasn't famous... or infamous... I was just the guy with the big mouth and the great big grin that made the Japanese feel at ease. Matthew was like that too - just not as loud or brash as myself. I think he made the more upper-crust and middle-class people at ease, while I handled the lower to middle-class with my bold and daring manner. Matthew, of course, could be every bit the goofball I was, but just chose to show it in small doses. Does that sound right... or even fair, Matthew?

At the restaurant area of Utsunomiya... Matthew and I lead a bunch of people to a Japanese fast food place, while others opt for the next-door pizza place - as they may have been homesick from some gaijin (foreigner) junk food cooking. Personally, I can tolerate it, but Japanese pizzerias aren't the same as the fare back home in Toronto... just like a Chicago pizza is miles apart from a New York-style, etcetera.

We have some great food - and get the gang with us to try Japanese food they have not yet had. We chat with the friendly chef - in English... though Matthew was equally happy to speak to him in Japanese!

Finished, we meet up with the pizza people and lead them over to the Robinson's department store - where some western-style products could be purchased for a premium.

I have Ashley stick close to me because I want her to purchase some make-up for me to cover-up these dark rings around my eyes... but 9000 yen ($90)? Forget it! I'll try and get more sleep.

We then go for a drink or two at the Mexi Restaurant, where one or two drinks actually means seven beers. Ashley has five Tequila Sunrises!

I'm my usual demure self - wild and unruly, and hopefully funny. It's always been my opinion that when I get drunk, I just get louder and not more obnoxious.

When it becomes obvious that my unruliness outweighs any possible charm I possess, Ashley takes me by the hand says good night for me and leads me home.

On the way, I tell her I love her - as a friend... which makes her cry.

We ride our bicycles back from Nishinasuo-eki holding hands all the way to her place., where I breakdown and cry and blather on about how it feels like everybody wants me for something and how I need to go home.

I then tell her my grandfather died recently. That was an attempt to get pity. Grandpa had died back in February and I didn't tell anyone about that.

She leaves me alone in a room to be sad by myself as it's obvious she doesn't know how to act around my act - though she didn't know I was acting. Now that's acting!

So, I put on my shoes and start to leave. She comes after me running and cries as she doesn't know how to act, as I have always been the strong one when it comes to toughing it out here in Japan... and if I feel like I want to go home, how can anyone survive here?

Geez... put some more pressure on me. Fortunately, I'm too drunk to think about that.

We go back into her apartment and make love. Not sex. Love. And then sleep... it's 3AM and the floor is spinning. How the hell can I make love when I'm so drunk the room is spinning? Or is it merely my life spinning out of control?

Somewhere the planet is spinning on the wrong axis,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Beach Boys: DANCE! Though I suppose I could have done David Bowie's LET'S DANCE. Two for the price of one! Who says you can't get value with your blog reading?!
PS: I said my grandfather had died to get pity and sex. That's so frigging low. I am so sorry Ashley. It's funny... I can think of three times now in the first 14 months of Japan where I have been so hammered drunk where I started to cry like a little baby. Clearly the pressure of being popular in Japan and doing everything everyone has asked of me is getting to me... of course... it's usually because of woman problems when I feel at my lowest.
PPS: There's probably a reason why I have only been toasted maybe three times in the past 11 years.
PPPS: Pretty bizarre that despite the plethora of alcohol, I still remembered darn near everything to write it down in my diary. A diary I had never thought of writing before Japan, and never did afterwards. I always knew I would do something with it one day. Even if it means making myself look like an immature jackass. Hey. That's who I was sometimes.
PPPPS: Believe it or not... things start to get better, as once I get over the self-pity crap, I actually feel good about myself - and Japan had better watch-out!

I Feel Fine

So there I was... sleeping... in my nice tatami mat room on my Queen-sized bed, courtesy of one of my fans in Ohtawara, who offered the bed to my Ohatawara Board of Education (OBOE) office after it became known that I had some back pain that was being aggravated by sleeping on a futon.

Actually, it was probably more aggravated by my having sex on the futon... and the knee burns from the tatami! Oy gevalt!

Anyhow.. sleeping... it's Saturday, September 14, 1991 here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

Doorbell... okay... I'm going to ignore it.

It's not students from any of the junior high schools I teach at because they would have to ring it 100 times already.

Fifteen seconds later, the doorbell rings again. Ignore it. I'm dead.

Damn! A third ring!

I crawl out of bed and quietly make my way to the front door and peer through the peephole to see who the hell it is... Ashley?

Ashley is my ex-girlfriend here in Japan for the first nine months of my current-14 month stay. We are now friends-with-benefits, because while she enjoys the sex, she can't stand the idea of being tied down by having a full-time boyfriend. That's too bad, because I really, really like her and would love to be tied up, I mean tied down by her as my girlfriend... oh well... at least there's still sex. Tied up? Tied down? Which phase is funnier?

I let her in, grab a quick shower and then go out to talk to her.

She's apparently been up for hours. It's only 10AM! She doesn't state why she's been up for hours - Manic? Antsy? Horny? Dopey, Doc, Grumpy or Bashful? All I know is, this Cinderfella isn't getting his Sleeping Beauty rest.

I better stop. I'm getting Disney. I mean dizzy.

It's still raining. So we stay inside at my place.

We watch some videos from back home, make out a bit - it was weird... she was quite nice... with none of the bitchiness I hate and love at the same time. Hell, she was still very funny like she had been earlier this week - when I thought she was on her period... but now she admits she was clear last Wednesday... and was waiting for me to make my move like I was always forced to do.

Afterwards, she invites me back to her place to watch Black Rain and eat some more of her home-made soup. Guys... when a woman cooks food for you, she really loves you. That whole adage: "The way through a man's heart is through his stomach" - that's true. If you are eating take-out or ready-made meals all the time, or if you are like me and cooking for her, it's Loserville's one-way street. That was me this past year.

Now she is cooking food for me? It's soup. Does that count as a meal? Is that a meal if you are just a friend-with-benefits, or does she not know about that old saying?

I think too much, ne (eh)?

The gas in her apartment goes off suddenly, and no amount of kicking the stove will make it come back on, so I suggest she call her supervisor to call someone for help.

As she makes that call, I know my night is over early, and I ain't getting any. While Ashley has told anyone who will listen that she has never had a boyfriend, damn near everyone in Japan who has seen the two of us together (more often than often) would know that we were a couple. Hell, I told my bosses at the OBOE who asked if we were a couple, and they (I've heard from the OBOE) discussed the happy union with Ashley's bosses. When Ashley's bosses said "she keep's telling us she is single - why would she lie?" I told my bosses to inform them of the Japanese perception that a woman with a boyfriend must be sleeping around with him... and Ashley did not want to look like a slut.

I'm paraphrasing, of course. I don't believe I used the words "sleeping around".

As he makes his way over, I am making my way out.

I stay up until 2AM doing my jigsaw puzzle.

Crap. I have to get up early tomorrow to go dancing.

Somewhere not sleeping around,
Andrew Joseph
Today' blog title is by The Beatles because I like the IRONY.
PS: Of course, you know what FINE means, right? Read about the BREAKUP

Song 2

It's Saturday September 7, 1991. I'm living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan for 13 months now. I'm an assistant English teacher on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme. I love my life in Japan and the freedom it affords me. Up until moving here, I had never left home. Ever. As such, I never knew how to cook, clean, do laundry, shop - you name it and I had domestic bliss... or rather domestic indifference. After two weeks here, I learned how to cook and began putting on a the 10 pounds or so that I lost upon arriving.

Ashley was my girlfriend from Day 2 in Japan. That lasted about 10 months, off and on. Mostly on. We are currently friends-with-benefits, though I haven't seen any benefits for about two months now.

Yesterday, I was to have my first real date with a Japanese woman - Shoko. I had already slept with a few Japanese women, but Shoko was the first I had thought I could have a real relationship with. Our date fell through, as she was to have called me with details on when and where we would meet. I missed her call(s).

Fate.

Strangely, I'm not overly disturbed by it.

I'm up at 10AM. I figure Ashley will drop by this morning after visiting the Ohtawara Girl's High School (she also teaches at the Boy's High School) to watch a play. She does. We chat. I've been angry with her most of the week owing to my jealousy of her being asked to participate in a kyudo (Japanese archery) tournament I was already entered in.

I prefer to be the center of attention. It's 1991 and I'm 26-years-old, and I don't have that much experience with members of the opposite sex despite having slept with a dozen women in my life... all since landing here in Japan. Most of it has just been sex, with Ashley the only real girlfriend I've had. I did have one other girlfriend back in Toronto - my first... Bryndis Swan. I was 22 and she 18. She was like Ashley... Brains, cute beyond belief (though Bryndis had a sense of humour to rival or surpass my own  - she was also smarter than me, which is something I prefer in my women... besides myself, of course).

When Ashley leaves, I clean up my apartment again. It's my defense mechanism. My place was already clean in anticipation of my date with Shoko. I wasn't expecting a sexual encounter with her, but I was ready nonetheless. So why do I need to clean up again? Ashley either puts me on edge or I do it to myself. I guess I want some benefit to our relationship, or I want there to be a relationship. Probably both. Or neither. I'm confused.

I do laundry and flip on the television noting that a typhoon is coming. Perfect.

Ashley comes back to my place at 6PM. We watch some Star Trek: TNG videos I have and decide to forget about practicing kyudo tonight. I don't want to for fear of weakening my arm for tomorrow. That's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it.

We decide to wrestle with each other (arm be damned). She tickles me (I'm ticklish), but since she isn't ticklish, I need to even up the playing field and so grab her boobs. A fair exchange, right? We continue to wrestle for a long time. Then we inexplicably stop and watch some more videos: The Twilight Zone (new version). Wrestle again. Take a break. Wrestle some more.

I wonder if she was just waiting for me to make more of a move than grabbing her boobs? But I don't. We continue to wrestle until she cracks her head against the wooden part of my sofa.

To help, I give her e a massage and the massage her boobs. That's a fair exchange right? I mean she did almost break my sofa!

Apparently the massage is what she considers "Andrew making his move" because we are quickly all over each other and head to my bedroom. But, her Aunt Flo makes an appearance and that means less for Andrew. Oh well. She was still interested in providing some benefit to our friendship.

We finish up at 3AM, chat until 4AM.

We're both exhausted, sweaty and have to get up at 6AM to get ready for our kyudo tournament on Sunday.

This should go well.

My arm is really tired from all of the practice we put our friendship through.

Somewhere the spirit is willing,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Blur: WOO-HOO!

Porn Theater Re-opens After Disasters

Hello... here's a decent story written and posted by The Tokyo Reporter blog about the only porn movie theater in the Tohoku area--in Ishinomaki, Miyagi-ken (Miyagi Prefecture) re-opening after the March 11, 2011 earthquake badly damaged it.

ONE-HANDEDREADING.


Cheers
Andrew Joseph

Let's Get It Started

I head to Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School) this morning still in a bit of pain from the exercise I did two days ago with my friend and fellow assistant English teacher (AET) Matthew.

It's Tuesday, September 3, 1991 here in Ohtawra-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan, and I'm enjoying my time at this school - always my favourite - from the teachers all the way to the students. It's pure pleasure to know one gets to work in such a happy environment!

I have three classes today (which means I have two classes off). The two with Hiyama-sensei are well-prepared and go fairly well. She's teaching mostly younger kids (Grades 7 & 8 - or in Japan, Year 1 and Year2), and they all seem eager to learn. Nagashima-sensei's classes are full of enthusiasm, too. If only all the schools were as well-prepared and mentally-fit as this one!

Immediately after class and before lunch, I chat with some of the boys about the one subject they are most interested in learning about in English: sex. It's like the common denominator with any male learning a new language. You learn to say hello, your name, how are you, and then all of the naughty stuff you can lay your hands on. I don't hold back--not even with the less pleasant schools--because they are showing an interest in English. Heck, I want to know the naughty stuff in Japanese, so we teach each other, have fun while bonding.

I eat lunch with the second class, and afterward teach them more bad words, and they me. Quid pro quo.

After school, the students all break up into three large groups and try to cheer lead for this weekend's upcoming Sports Day. One group that has a teacher present is very good, but the others who are without a teacher kind of just sit around and waste time. Me, too. I don't blame them. It's 35 Celsius outside. Who can be energetic in that type of heat? Oh, and the humidity! I am dripping with sweat and I'm not even moving!

Back home in my apartment after shopping for ready-made dinners, Ashley (my ex-girlfriend and now quite possibly friend-with-benefits) calls. We chat for 30 minutes before she asks if I would like to come over and try some soup she made. Okay... it's still 35 Celsius out, and it's a 20 minute bicycle ride away, but what the heck. I'll eat her soup.

I figure it's her feeling me out - to see if we should continue having benefits, as we haven't since she went back to her home in Augusta, Georgia, USA a month ago, only arriving back a week ago. She put on quite a few pounds, but still looks sexy, yummy to me. Since she and I had relations, I met another AET named Karen from North Bay, Ontario, Canada who would like me to be her boyfriend. Plus, I keep getting calls from an English chick from Bath named Cathy who I think likes me. Plus I had Kristine from Washington D.C. over whom I really like, but didn't put any moves on because I was sick during her visit. Plus I had some really wild times with two Thai women I met in Bangkok while vacationing with my mother, who then came to Ohtawara-shi to visit me and see Japan. While she left this past weekend to go back to Toronto, my memories of those two Thai women remain, as I dated them separaretly, and then together for the best time I've ever had with members of the opposite sex.

Ashely's soup is actually pretty good. We sit around on her tatami mat (grass mat) floors and just talk. About stuff.

When I leave at 9:30PM, we hug and I give her a peck on the lips. I suppose it's a start... or is it theh beginning of the end?

I'm home by 10PM. I do some laundry, clean out my fridge and vacuum the place. It finally looks spic and span clean again after a couple of months.

I'm in bed by 12:30AM knowing that I happily skipped exercising today because of my dinner with Ashley. I'd trade some push-ups by myself for some push-ups with her any day. Even though nothing like that happened. A guy has to start somewhere.

Somewhere starting a new year,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by: The Black Eyed Peas: WOO-HOO! It's either about a new school year about me starting with Ashley again. Or with someone else.  
Today's drawing at the top was done by the art teacher Matsu-sensei. This guy drew a caricature of myself with White-Out! I looks just like me - complete with 5 o'clock shadow at 10AM! He also stamped it with his hanko (Japanese ink signature). I have it glued into my diary on the front inside cover. Thank-you sensei. You know sensei means teacher, right?