Since I'm going to assume I will eventually be forgiven by the Japanese for poking fun at their culture via this blog, it means that, even now, I can insult it all I like.
I do like Japan. I like it a lot. It's just that sometimes I can't help poking fun at it every now and again, because well... it's such an easy target.
To be fair, all other nations are perfectly okay to poke fun at Canadian culture... that is, if we actually had some of our own. Owtch. Not really true, of course, but Canada is built upon the backs of people who came here from somewhere else. Except for the native Indians and Inuit (what Americans et al call Eskimos - we don't... except for that one stupid football team in the CFL, the Edmonton Eskimos).
With an introduction like that, it must be pretty obvious what my topic is today. I'm sure you can tell by the headline/title. No? Sorry. I'm sticking to the rock and roll thing. Anyhow, it's about television, obviously.
There are theories (and facts) postulating that the television signals we bounce off up into space will one day be intercepted by alien races, and that television will tell them all they need to know about our Earth culture. I know... scary when you think about stuff like that now, isn't it?
While I am sure that the social repercussions of American television programs like The Arsenio Hall Show and My Mother The Car, and Canadian shows like The Trouble With Tracy have not yet been fully felt by people here, but what about Japan's contributions to a close encounter of the 1st kind (detection. 2nd kind is sight, and 3rd is physical contact)?
A quick perusal of Japanese television will probably leave many an alien scratching their heads (I'm assuming they will have more than one head). There are many samurai dramas (the Japanese equivalent of the long extinct American western), inane quiz shows featuring the same 13 TV tarento (talents) on different programs wearing their silly-looking hats and costumes while hitting each other on the head...
Have you ever seen one of these shows? Okay... I can't understand Japanese as well as the next guy (who in this case is Japanese), but it seems that the only people who win these quiz shows are the television talents! What about Joe Suzuki?
There are also a heck of a lot of fishing and cooking shows on standard Japanese television... and not to point fingers, because Canada and the U.S. also has a lot of cooking and fishing shows... but now in 1990, they are only on Saturday mornings after the cartoons - and not on during the so-called prime-time. Who would want to watch television shows about cooking and fishing all day long? (In 2010, I see the irony here‚ as I will watch the 24-hour food network, and while I won't watch a fishing program, I have occasionally stopped by the 24-hour aquarium network to watch some fish swim around (it's for people who want an aquarium but don't really want an aquarium).
So here in the 9th paragraph, I finally have to come up with a topic for this stupid blog.
How about: 'television shows that revolve around food.'
After scanning the TV listings, I noticed a four-day average of 12 cooking programs. Now keep in mind that Japan's standard television only offers about 12 channels in total. These numbers do NOT include the fishing shows where they eat their catch and tell the camera how delicious it is.
Most of the food shows on in Japan are pretty normal, and offer advice on how to cook. I have no problem with this. My beef (no pun intended, because no one in Japan can afford beef) is with tv shows like: The Second Taxi Drivers Food Challenge.
The concept behind this long television title is: cab drivers challenge each other to try and determine the species of fish while they are blindfolded. Uh... the cab drivers are blindfolded, not the fish... though I would imagine fish bondage might actually have been more interesting.
After the cab drivers stunning demonstration of knowledge of fish through sense of smell and touch (aka inhaling it and then fondling it), the cab drivers show off their superior culinary skills at making sushi - with different seafood critters.
Now, I know that fish species determination and sushi skills are what I look for in a cab driver whenever I'm drunk and need a ride somewhere - in fact, I'm going to suggest you ask for a salmon roll the next time you are in a Japanese cab. It can't be a one off thing - the show's producers obviously know something I don't, because this is the SECOND food challenge!
Hey... this just hit me... maybe you could also ask a cad driver if they know of any good local restaurants they could suggest!
Another interesting program I like to watch seems to be an on-going one... involving sumo wrestlers. Who doesn't love sumo wrestlers?
In one episode, I watched them eat Chinese food. And, while they always seem to throw a lot of salt on their plate (HERE), they are full of insight on the cuisine.
When asked for their opinion of a dish, they nod their head in appreciation and say, "Oishii desu (It's delicious). Slurp-slurp-gnaw-chew-slurp."
The sumo response is still infinitely better than that given by the annoying Japanese television talent. For them, it's always "Oishiiiiii!!!!!!" Just once I'd love to see someone eat the food, regurgitate the stuff and say it tastes like crap.
Why do Japanese people and Canadian writers like to watch television programs about other people eating food? I wish I knew.
Somewhere watching what I eat,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is sung by Lenny Kravitz: FARE
