Though undated (I forgot to add the friggin' date to the cover), it was from August 1991, with an awe-inspiring cover drawn by my friend Matthew Hall.
Jeff, originally from Yuba City, California was - after myself - the next to create a monthly column for the newsletter. That was when I created It's A Wonderful Rife - yes, some of what you are reading was written before... but I only did about 80 columns... check it out... I've done about 280 so far... so you are getting some original content.
Now this piece, as mentioned, was published before... so forget about all that crap I wrote about original content... as well... me being an ego-maniac (and a damn great one at that), along with my Rife's, I also did a monthly Thoughtless column, as I liked how Jeff presented his.
Enough background, here's the foreground.
Jeez, I take a lousy month off and my 'format' is 'stolen'. Do I get any royalties, A.J.? (Ed. Note: I have no idea who he is talking about).
- My favourite definition: In a third-year junior high school class, the JTE (Japanese teacher of English) asked for the translation of "Miss". The student stood up and with a huge smile forming on his face, said in English: "Virgin."
- I'm leaving for California in August - not sure which is more apt: my Leaving for Home Countdown or I'm Getting the Hell out of Japan! Countdown?
- I hope you all caught the article about the girl who was banned from competing in the really important sumo matches - after kicking the butts of, I believe, six boys. (Ed. Note: No Jeff, what was the article about?). As you all know, of course, females are prone to that whole 'bleeding thing' - that's why they are impure - and we just can't have a female getting up on the dohyo (sumo ring), lifting one leg for the shiko o fumu (lifting of leg and stamping it down - it's part of the sumo warm up done prior to each match) and squirting blood all over the place. You know, they really should invent something to soak that stuff up.
- Upon complaining about the ungodly summer in Japan, a teacher said to me, "Don't whine; In the Olden Days poets used to write poems praising the Rainy Season."
So... with that in mind, I now humbly offer you an:
"Unmetrical Ode to Summer in Japan"
"To Japan I unfortunately did go,
To learn about this thing shitsudo (humidity).
Shitsudo how I love thee;
My pores they do flood me
When the humidity reaches 80 percento."
Thanks Jeff... you're starting to write like a poet even though you don't rhyme like you know it.
Somewhere wondering if women have got that bleeding thing fixed yet,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is sung by Alice Cooper: RUNNYMASCARA
PS: In Jeff's poem, the term 'percento' is the way the Japanese say the English word 'percent'.
PPS: It's just a coincidence that Matthew drew the sumo cover upon which Jeff's piece first appeared.
PPPS: Here's a related link to an article in the news on Friday (yesterday!): KICKBUTT
