The Tears Of A Clown

It Only Hurts When I Laugh - was the original title of this here blog entry - but that isn't the name of a rock and roll song - or at least not a very good one.

When I first arrived in Japan, it was with the one opinion that the Japanese were a stiff, robot-like people with no sense of humour.

After only a few months of living in Ohtawara, let me tell you that I was completely wrong.

It seems that everyone I come into contact with will tell me a funny joke or story or enjoys a laugh with me--sometimes at my expense, but who cares, as long as it's funny.

One of the more interesting jokes played on me was when one of my supervisors, the English-challenged Kanemaru-san came over to my Zuiko Heights apartment to show me how to work my kerosene heater. Apparently it gets cold in Japan. How come no one told me? Okay, the fact that it hosted the Winter Olympics 20 years before my arrival should have clued me in - but dammit, Vancouver just recently hosted the Winter Olympics... and if you saw any of the outside on the television, you may have noticed that all of the trees were in bloom thanks to the incredibly warm weather - Yeah, let's hold the Winter Olympics in Canada's warmest city. Brilliant.

Anyhow, enough of that side rant, did you know that 99 per cent of all Japanese homes lack central heating or even fiberglass insulation?

Kanemaru-san carefully set up and programed my kerosene heater--though after a homestay at his place, it was apparent that no one there knew how to set the VCR timer--I did it for them and received quite the hearty thanks. He then explained to me in both broken English and broken Japanese (so that I could be confused in two languages) how the heater worked. The funny guy that he is, he 'forgot' to tell me about opening a window in my apartment when I use it so that the fumes don't kill me.   

Luckily my girlfriend Ashley told me about the window thing. When I confronted Kanemaru-san about it the next day, he merely shrugged his shoulders and said "Whoops. Jodan (joke)!" and then laughed the scariest laugh I've ever heard since I told my garbage man a joke. Brrrr.

By the way - how stupid is it that in order to properly use a kerosene heater to get warm you need to open up a window to vent the fumes - but the open window only lets in more cold!

Another funny moment occurred after I was first hit by a white car whilst riding my bicycle, in the midst of a hurricane. The driver slowly got out of his car after fumbling for 30 seconds searching for an umbrella so he wouldn't get hurt. He looks down at me and says, "Daijobu?" What the hell did he say. I have no clue. He asks again, "Daijobu?" Oh, I get it... he wants to know if I'm okay! I say, "Iie (no)". He laughs and thumps me on the back. Funny guy. I'm in shock and in too much pain to kill him. "I'll  kill ya later," I mutter, but he doesn't understand me.

The next day at the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) office, the Superintendent comes up and asks me, "Daijobu?" When I say, "Iie" again, he too laughs and thumps me on the back - dislodging a rib. It's true you know... the Japanese can't take the word "no".

Then there was my trip to Osaka in October.... after becoming lost on a few other excursions in and around the Ohtawara area, I had developed a 'reputation'. The OBOE was taking no chances, and this time began posting odds and taking bets on where I would end up, this time. It was even money on me accidentally ending up 100s of kilometres to the north in Hokkaido, rather than the several hundred out west to Osaka. One joker even put down  ¥;5,000 on me landing in Korea. He quickly got 3:1 odds. Thank-you Hanazaki-san.

When I arrived back from Osaka land of the Yakuza, I was quickly besieged from Kanemaru-san and Hanazaki-san wanting to know the gory details. When I told them I didn't get lost at all (well, hardly), they began to sulk saying I had spoiled they fun.

Hey, I don't know why they're so upset. I lost  ¥10,000 because I thought I'd end up in the hospital.

Anyhow, it's a good thing my OBOE office like me. They're talking about buying me a car. Are Pinto's any good?

Somewhere feeling just swell,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Smokey Robinson & the Miracles - CRY