Bye Bye Mon Cowboy

On Day 3 of our trip here in Sendai-shi (Sendai City) in Miyagi-ken (Miyagi Prefecture), it's raining so hard I think I should start gathering animals and building an ark!



It's Saturday, October 12, 1991 and I'm an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.



This trip to Sendai with  my ex-girlfriend has been a washout, to say the least. It's rained everyday here and while I am sure the people and the sights are all beautiful, I haven't had a chance to really talk to any of the locals as they are all huddled up away from the rain.



It sucks. Oh well... at least I got to see Zuihoden, the tomb of Date Masamune (surname first), who was the founder or Sendai in the 1600s. It's located on Kyogamine hill, which is where all Date family members are honored in death.If you click HERE, you can see what Zuihoden looks like without a torrential rain spoiling my photography.



As such, Ashley and I decide to go home. When I call Matthew (my buddy who lives in Ohtawara near me) about how much rain there is here and that I'm coming home, he tells me that it is NOT raining there in Ohtawara.



Of course. I am the ame otoko (rain man), and it rains wherever I travel in Japan. It's getting so bad, my office the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) is thinking of loaning me out to some of the drought-starved areas to give them a break.



So... Ashley and I ride the Shinkansen (bullet train) south back to Nasushiobara-eki (eki = train station), transfer to a local Japan Rail (JR) train and arrive at Nishinasuno-eki at around 12 Noon. We ride back to her place in Nishinasuno-machi (machi = town) and leave her there so that she can sleep until 4PM.



I ride back to Ohtawara and putter around for awhile until Ashley calls, and she rides down to my city and we go to dinner at Co-Co's. It's the first time in days that I haven't felt rain or snow on me but there is a hurricane-like wind blowing.



Ashley doesn't want me to even ask about the lumps she has developed on her head. They are soft, painful to the touch and first appeared on our first night in Sendai. So I don't bring it up, but I am concerned for her... and she must be worried too, but is trying to ignore it to be in a good mood.



Dinner is fine (I pay, for some reason), and we go back to the train station and go south again... this time to Mibu-eki and Mibu-machi as there is a party hosted by fellow AET Cathy - whom I slept with a few weeks ago. She, Ashley and Karen (who wants me for a boyfriend) all hung out together a few weeks ago, and I'm sure my activities with each came out in the conversation - probably that's what prompted Ashely suddenly asking me to join her on the trip to Sendai.



Don't think I'm a complete ass. Ashley and I are not couple, but do sleep together whenever the mood hits us... or rather, when the mood hits her. Personally, I want her back as a girlfriend. The fact the we aren't a couple pisses me off. I just don't like to lose. As well... Ii guess I'm still in love with her, despite all of the sex or women wanting to go out with me... and apparently, there are a few.



I, of course, have no idea why anyone wants to go out with me. I couldn't get a date back in Toronto, Canada prior to arriving in Japan in late July of 1990. No sex, either. Virginal... though certainly not any longer... unless I can become a born-again virgin. It's probably easier for a guy and doesn't require any sort of surgery.



I'm not really looking forward to this party at Cathy's... what with walking into the lion's den et al. I'm still unsure if Ashley knows I slept with her, and if she found out, it would either definitely ensure we weren't getting back together, or it could make her jealous to realize other women find me somewhat attractive or somewhat convenient.



Just to make sure, I pour 11 Kirin beers down my throat and have three shots of Ashley's Southern Comfort (she's from Augusta, Georgia, USA). The party is a dull, but okay, and I'm feeling no pain.



What I am feeling, however, is Cathy continually playing footsie with me under whatever table we're near, or if we're standing, she simply starts rubbing her foot, leg, hands on me. Maybe she's just doing this to frazzle me (success) or maybe she still wants sex with me. Believe it or not, I'm not interested. I can't believe that a guy who was a virgin a scant 15 months ago is now turning down the offer of sex, but I'm not reciprocating with Cathy. Just leave me alone to wallow in my drunken stupor and dream of a day when women are normal!



And then there's the terrible tale of Alan Broomhead - a delightful young fellow who is three-months removed from England (also where Cathy is from - she too is a new arrival, while Matthew (who is not at the party, Ashley and I arrived the year previous).



I like Alan a lot. But I still played a trick on him a few weeks ago, teaching him Japanese (the blind leading the blind, eh?) that he should use. You can read about that occurrence HERE. It's a funny story, and yeah... I'm an ass. Sorry Alan. I'm still sorry... but it is a funny one, right? right? Anybody?



It's 2AM when the effects of alcohol, footsie and jokes kick in and I crash asleep. As usual, I'm the last one to hit the hay, and I still manage to find Ashley and spoon up beside her.



To this day, I have no idea how that poor girl managed to put up with my snoring. It must have been horrendous after drinking like a fish in a tsunami. (And yes... I actually wrote that in my diary, so it's not poor taste, just precognitive bad timing 20 years earlier).



Somewhere wishing I was drinking with Matthew in Ohtawara,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog is by French-Canadian kitten Mitsou: MEOW  I used to only try and date women who looked like her - which is probably why I didn't date much back in Canada.

PS: Sendai-shi, of course, was one of those areas in Japan that was hard hot by a tsunami on March 11, 2011.

Big In Japan

Today is Tuesday, October 8, 1991.



I'm an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme living in the sleepy city of Ohtawara (about 200 kilometres north of Tokyo) in the prefecture of Tochigi, Japan.



It's my last day of work at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School), as I have permission to attend a team-teaching demonstration put on by my friend Matthew tomorrow, and then on Thursday, I'm on a short vacation to Sendai with my ex-girlfriend, but current friend-with-benefits, Ashley.



I have no idea why we are going away on a vacation together. It was her idea. As mentioned, while I can have a dominant personality and can get lots of people to do what I want, I prefer that they decide what they want to do, and if I agree, then I can get everyone else to do it. Control without being the known leader, I suppose. God I hate being introspective, sometimes.



Or, in this case... Ashley asked, I, like a good little puppy dog who is still in love or lust or severe like with her, readily agrees. I assume there will be sex. After all... we're friends - with benefits... and the only important benefit I know of from being anywhere with one's ex-girlfriend, is sex.



Going on a vacation together with someone who is your ex... well, isn't that what couples do... or just friends... not friends-with-benefits!



If I still had any blood left in my brain, I would have not gone with Ashley tomorrow... but I'm thinking about sex, and I'm thinking that her asking me to accompany her means she wants to get back together. Right? Am I right? I'm not sure...



It's still raining today.   Like yesterday, I help the kids with some English listening comprehension tests to help them prepare for a big exam. It's still fun, and it's still very much interesting to me.



However, lunch is quiet as the class I eat with lacks the guts or gumption to talk to me... although one young boy (this is a 3rd year class - Grade 9's), Suzuki-san is always peppering me with interesting questions. He's always a pleasure to talk to at this school...



Kanemaru-san and Hanazaki-san drop by the school while Suzuki-san and I are talking (that's lucky... show's I can talk to the kids!). Those two old guys (who are about as old as I am now in 2011 - 46), are my bosses/supervisors with the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education). Two nicer men I have yet to meet on this planet.



They bring along (from the teacher's lounge), Shibata-sensei, the young, hip, good-looking English teacher  who has all the female students swooning after him. Along with being brilliant and charming and funny, Shibata-sensei is also one heck of a good English speaker and very quick translator.



I'm telling... I got very lucky to be posted - or chosen - in this city. Actually... I think the Board offices get a say on who they want. I think Hanazaki-san once told me that they liked the fact I was a journalist with the Toronto Star newspaper... one of North America's best newspapers. I'll admit it was a selling point.



The three of them tell me that I have to pay a personal and city tax. Nertz.



On the plus side, the OBOE says they will cover that for me. They will put the money directly into my bank account (The Ashikaga Ginko (Ashikaga Bank), Ohtawara Branch) for me. That money will then be withdrawn by them to pay the two tax bills.



That is so cool of the OBOE. I also like how they came in person to tell me, rather than just calling up Shibata-sensei to tell me.



I go home, write a letter and relax. It's still bloody raining. I hope it won't tomorrow when a score of other AETs will be coming here to Ohtawara to watch Matthew do his team-teaching demonstration. Cripes... I hope my OBOE doesn't see too much of a disparity between what he does and what I does... otherwise they might actually make me do real work!



I watch some television and crash to bed at 12AM.



Oh... Karen Irwin called. She's a new AET (high school AET like Ashley - so she won't be there at Matthews demo) living in Yaita-shi (City of Yaita), 10 kiometers to the south. She's originally from North Bay, Ont... and arrived here two months ago. In that time she has made it clear that she would like us to slow down (IE no sex!), became buddy-buddy with my visiting mother going on little trips together, and even went on a 3-day trip to Nikko-shi (Nikko City) with Ashley.



I don't know what they talked about... the ex, and the girl who would eventually be my ex, if I let her (all women everywhere could eventually be my ex-girlfriend if they try hard enough).... but this evening... it is apparent that they talked.



Karen seemed to know a little too much about me. My mother - while she did like Karen very much - was no dummy, and I know she would never tell anyone anything about me. Ashley... she might, seeing as who we weren't together anymore... I expect that Karen would want to know the ugly stuff. Me being moody and crap like that. Truth is... I was only moody after Ashley caused me to be moody. But Ashley doesn't know that... and neither does Karen.



Karen attempts to psychoanalyse me. Really? This chick is going to try and get inside MY head? I'm already onto her clumsy attempts about 15 seconds into our telephone conversation! For me... this is like a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.



Because I know what she's doing - and why (she wants to know what makes me tick, and why Ashley and I broke up - perhaps so she can avoid the same mistakes), she pisses me off.



You know what led to Ashley and I breaking up? It was her pissing me off. Congratulations Karen. You've managed to piss me off even before we've become boyfriend/girlfriend. I guess there'll be no sex, now. Crap.



Regardless of the tempest raging inside my skull... I play it cagey and play it cool. She has no idea just how angry I am.



It's the real reason why I go to bed early today. I lie there and wonder...



Okay... Ashley came back from her trip to Nikko with Karen in a bitchy mood. Karen is acting inquisitive towards me. That means that Ashley knows Karen and I made out. It also means she knows Karen wants to go out with me... and if I know Karen, she probably asked Ashley if that was okay.



That probably put Ashley in a bad mood. It could also explain why Ashley suddenly asked me if I wanted to accompany her to Sendai... it's a little jealous revenge thing against Karen... who I don't think knows that Ashley and I are still sleeping together on occasion.



Great... all I need now are more women to start talking with each other about. That could never happen, right? Am I right? Even I don't want to think about the real answer.



Somewhere thinking about tomorrow and tomorrow,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is by Alphaville: BIG  Lyrics are right below the video.

Pull My Strings

Just the one blog today... I'm doing too many things at once: writing a piece for work, watching a movie, playing Final Fantasy XIII on my PS3, and making myself dinner, as everyone is out.



So... let's look back at October 7, 1991 in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan where I am still an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.



It's a Monday and it's raining. I'm feeling tired still - probably more of a mental thing, or an alcohol-fueled binge thing. Whatever. I don't ever get hang-overs, and I only seem to need about 5 hours sleep to function what I consider normally.



I'm at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) for just two days, as I then get to watch a team-teaching demonstration put on my my buddy Matthew, who lives in town but teaches at the junior high schools outside of it. After that, I'm going on a little vacation with my ex-girlfriend, but current friend-with-benefits Ashley - out to Sendai to the north. It should be exciting - both the time with her and the area of Sendai. There's a castle there... and where else should a prince be but with his princess in a castle?



Yeah... I'm still hung up on her. She has her problems... but then again... so does every single woman I've met and or slept with in this land. I'm not just sleeping with American women. Nope... this Toronto boy has slept with women from more countries than Hitler invaded. I added another notch on the old bedpost last night. I have no idea what her name was... Kimiko, maybe. A nice girl, but not too nice, if you know what I mean.



Hell... I wonder if we'll ever see each other again. They always seem to come back... but maybe it's just me. Maybe I get bored easily... or, I'm still hung up on Ashley. We broke up, and I don't like it. Actually... I think I hate the concept of not getting what I want even more.



I'm not painting a very flattering picture of myself, am I? Truth be told, until I arrived here in Japan, I had never slept with a woman. I had dated maybe five women, one of whom was my girlfriend for three months before she went back to school in another city 200 kilometres away. Maybe that's why I like convenience in my relationships with women. Give me convenience or give me death! That's an old Dead Kennedys album name, and where I got the song that inspired this blog entry's title.





I have four classes today. Figures. Six periods, and I always have a busy day after a night of shagging or drinking. Oh well... it's better to be busy than bored.



All my classes are with third-year students (Grade 9). We all have a good time as I provide them with listening comprehension tests. I then give advice on how to pass an English exam. It's bizarre... because although I am an English teacher (and in 2011 am a writing professional), I did fail Grade 11 English... there's some silly rule here in Canada which says you have to show up for classes and then apply yourself. I did eventually.



I really feel good because I actually think I;ve helped the students learn something worthwhile.



Lunch is pretty good, too. I spend it with some girls who want to know about my sex-life.



Really? Even here in school/work I can't get away from it.



Still, the girls are all cute and funny, and aren't interested in the gory details. There's no pretensions... just honest questions.



I suppose I 'm breaking the mold by answering these so-called objectionable questions. Ha! I pity the next AET who will eventually take my place.



During my spare time, I write a few letters home, watch the rain fall while pretending to study my Japanese conversation homework I've given myself. I'm useless at it. Whatever I'm doing now seems to be working fine enough to get me drunk, fed and or laid. What else is there for a 27-year-old single guy in Japan?



I ride my bicycle home in the rain, not quite oblivious to all of the students who smile and wave at me as I pass them walking home. At least I don't get hit by a car like i did around this time last year... the first of two such accidents in a week's span.



I go to my night school English conversation class that I teach on the side for fun and profit. My Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office is cool with me doing this. A lot of other Boards are not and don't allow their AET to do anything outside of regular Board activities. I'm very lucky to have such a liberal and kind office.



At the night class, I chat with all of my students and try to teach the 20+ women (and 5 guys) in my class. Most of them make goo-goo eyes at me. It's tough to teach when you know that.



Yukiko Matsuda (Matsuda is the surname that is anglosized into the Mazda car company - though, AI'm pretty sure she's not directly related) gives me a letter top take home and read. It's all about what she is up to, and how we should get together for a dinner soon. Ohhh-kayyy.



Shoko, the giel I went out with last Thursday, but who brought along a girlfriend to translate for us, looks very cute and sexy, but keeps averting her eyes when she knows I am looking. She has great legs, so I'm looking a lot!



Unfortunately three's a crowd, and I'm unsure if I want to go out with her again. Besides... I'm going to be busy for the next little while.



I go home (no one calls) and crash at 12AM. That's early for me. I guess I'm just a bit jaded and tired today.



Somewhere alone in the city,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is by The Dead Kennedys: SELFRESPECT

PS: I've always loved punk music. I've never had the hair or the look, more of a suburban punk. I guess we all rebel in our own way. The point is to keep your self respect. At this point in my life in Japan, I don't think I have it. I only think I do. 

Tank! Cowboy Bebop

Today's the day I have to give a speech to the people of Ohtawara. It just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

At first, I thought I only had to give a speech to the Ohtawara International Friendship Association. Then I thought it was them plus or just the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE)... and now I find out it's for the people of Ohtawara. They are apparently interested in the views of foreigners of Japan.



I should just let them read a couple of my Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife columns I put into the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) newsletter I'm in charge of putting out (The Tatami Times)... but I'm afraid they won't understand my humour... that I am too cynical.



It's Friday, October 4, 1991 and I am an assistant English teacher who visits one of seven schools each week to 'team-teach' the junior high school students there. It's an easy job, to be perfectly frank... or am I being earnest? No, wait... I'm just usually simple old complex An-do-ryu sensei who enjoys telling people all about how different are two countries are (I'm from Toronto, Canada), while at the same time showing them just how similar we are.



I think that throws the Japanese people a little bit, as they are fiercely proud of their individuality. Sorry Japan. There may be a lot of things that are wildly different from Canadian or US or Australian or English or take your pick of a country culture... but while I like to note the differences, there are so many similarities that I often forget I'm in a so-called foreign (gaijin) country.



Really. I suppose I have acclimatized well enough even though I can't speak, read or write the language.



Still... do I be insulting, or boring by praising everything... should I talk about everything, or just one thing?



While I enjoy taking the mickey out of everything... I might as well use this forum as an opportunity to make a difference, without being nasty.



My topic of choice was the Japanese choice of not wearing seatbelts in the cars. I use an old story about a friend of mine dying in a car crash who would have lived if he had been wearing a seatbelt.



I give the speech in English, with a Japanese translation done by Tokunori Suzuki, a local farmer who is the leader of the Ohtawara International Friendship Association.



It goes over well, I think, as I shock enough people, judging by their comments to me afterward. I chat with a lot of people - all of them speak decent English. A Mrs. Ito who lives in Yaita-shi (Yaita City) to the south says she wants me to meet her daughter, a 21-year-old studying at the university in Tochigi's capital city of Utsunomiya. Hah! I wish!



Hey! I wonder if she knows Junko - my sexually crazy stalker babe who dropped out of that university to follow me. We had great chemistry in the bedroom - and probably had great chemistry everywhere else if we had left the bedroom, but I sure as hell don't want anyone giving up their schooling for me. I might be an idiot, but I'm not an uncaring ass.



I go home, and then with Matthew and some other gaijin (foreigners) and nihonjin (Japanese), we head to the local watering hole, the 4C. There are many, many other bars within staggering distance of my apartment in downtown Ohtawara, but this is our chosen base of operations.



I have seven beers - Kirin Lager beer, a very tasty Japanese brand) - within the space of 90 minutes, but only have to pay for four of them, as people kept offering me drinks. Whatever. You only live once, right? I hope.



I head home at 2AM. I think Matthew left at the same time. We have to get up early to do some international dancing tomorrow in Utsunomiya. Hey... maybe Junko will be there!



Somewere hammered,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog is by: The Seatbelts! Yeah man! The Seatbelts (シートベルツ are actually a Japanese funky jazz/blues group known as Shītoberutsu (which is how the Japanese might say 'seatbelt' via katakana English). They are led by composer and instrumentalist Yoko Kanno. Listen: COWBOYBEBOP. Here's more on the GROUP.

PS: As of June 2008, all backseat passengers in Japan have to wear seatbelts in all cars. Even in 1990-1993, while I was there, all frontseated passengers were required by law to wear a seatbelt.

No Time

Time to grow up, according to Seiko.

Today, October 3, 1991 is a sports festival day here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. It's  something all of my junior high schools are participating in. As such, since I'm an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme, there is no need for me to go to school.



Unfortunately, I have to go in to the Ohtawara Board of Education Office (OBOE) instead of having a vacation day.



Anyhow, I could go to the school - in this case Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) and watch the events and have lunch there if I want to, but I decide not to. Eight hours watching others play sports kills me just a little bit inside.



Although I'm only 27, I am now nine years removed from playing my last game of soccer. Two years from my last game of baseball, and maybe 13 years from my last judo tournament. It hurts to watch others doing what I feel I should still be doing... if only I had more talent. I have the desire and the attitude for sports... but my dad's sports gene didn't get passed down 100 per cent. Maybe just 50 per cent. As such, I had to work my butt off to be any good at sports, and I did and I was... but effort will only carry one so far.



It's why I coached and am now a teacher. Those that can - do. Those that can't - teach. Those that can't teach - become guidance counselors.



At the OBOE office, I write eight letters to family and friends, and one to Kristine who lives out a mere 500 kilometres away in Shiga-ken. I tell them everything that is going on in my life. Not. Why bore them with how crappy my love life is, or how decent my sex life is. I would trade some of the sex life for a decent love life... but that doesn't seem to be something that is going to happen here. I need to get away from the gaijin women, and start moving forward with the Japanese women (Kristine is half-Japanese, so I'm unsure if I should try or not). It's just as well as I have my first date - a real date with Shoko (a student from my adult English class I teach), I think, with a Japanese woman... with  no expectations for sex.



At lunch I go out and buy a video game, but before that, I meet mister Yashiro-sensei, a teacher formerly with Kaneda Kit Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School) and now with Nishin Chu Gakko (Nishin Junior High School) in Kuroiso-shi (Kuroiso City) about 10 miles north of Ohtawara.



He is wandering around Ohtawara for some reason - the sports festival, I imagine.



As we begin talking, two of his students - both ah-mazingly cute 14-year-old girls come strolling over and begin asking me questions in English.



Since they ask in English, I have NO problem whatsoever in answering whatever they are going to ask.



It's the standard fare, however: my name, age, country I'm from (these girls live in Kuroiso, and while they may have heard of me, they may never have seen me), girlfriend status, blood type, and... wait for it... "Do you have a big penis?"



Yashiro-sensei and I fall to the ground in shock. When I nod my head in acquiescence, the cuter of the two  reaches up grabs me about the neck and kisses me on the cheek.



Yashiro-sensei and I both agree that she (and her friend) are going to be a lot of trouble for men in four more years. If not sooner.



Back at the OBOE, I write a few more letters and then head home at 5PM. I am sort of excited about my date with Shoko, and I force myself to calm down by trying to ignore all other stimuli by playing my Nintendo video games.



She rings my doorbell at exactly 6:30PM on the dot. The exact agreed upon time. You have to hand it to the Japanese... they are very precise with their time... it's like they invented it or something. Hmm, I do wear a Seiko watch... one that I bought in the Bahamas about eight years ago. (I still am wearing it, in fact, in 2011 - that's photo from today up at the top).



Shoko looks radiant. She's about 5'-8", and maybe 120 lbs. Wavy black hair just past her shoulders, has a large smile, sexy eyes. She's dressy, but not slutty, in keeping with her overall demeanor. In short... she is dressed for a date and not sex. Fine by me.



For some reason, I show her my new video game system, but step on a wire and break it, rendering it inoperable for the moment. She sudden;y remembers that Naoko (mutual friend) is waiting for us at the restaurant. Damn! I was really hoping we were going to have a date alone. Two is company, and three's a crowd!



I guess she figures we need help with our language skills - or she doesn't really want to date me. Crap. I think, crap. Shoko is nice, but is she the one for me, or merely the first one who has shown me any interest in anything other than sex?



Still... dinner is cool. Shoko eats like a bird, while I eat like the pig of a man that I am. We small talk. I teach them the words 'bitch' and 'bastard' and when it's all over, I pick up the check. I did ask them out. Well, actually, I only asked Shoko out. Whatever. It's only money.



The three of us then head fore the 4C bar. I have a beer and a couple of whiskey's! Blah! I hate whiskey. I guess my palette isn't grown up enough.



I chat with Mark, the New Zealand bartender and give him some money to get me a bottle of Southern Comfort. Ashley likes Southern Comfort.



(What the hell am I doing even thinking of her, when I'm sort of on a date with Shoko?) (It's not a date, is it?)



I chat with Naoko and Shoko - and then another friend of Shoko's joins us... Tomiko. She's very, very friendly - in that hi, An-do-ryu-sensei, I want to have sex with you kind of way. She's sukebi (a pervert) - but I have to admit, I find that charming. Or is it highly suggestive?



I flirt back with Tomiko, but damn it all.. I have to be a gentleman and be careful to mind that I am with Shoko!



At 11PM, we head home... or at least back to my apartment, where Naoko has parked her car. Shoko, and Shoko alone walks me back up to my apartment door.



I want to kiss her, but I don't. It didn't feel like a date, It felt like friends going out, and I wasn't alone with her. Friends don't kiss their friends - especially female friends. I don't really believe a man can be friends with a women without him thinking about screwing them.



I'm unsure if that's going to come as a shock to any of my female readers or not. It's just how I feel - and maybe not indicative of the entire male species.



Maybe I'll kiss Shoko the next time... if there is one.



I relieve some of my frustrations on the Nintendo video game system after I spend an hour re-wiring it. I have no idea how to re-wire anything, so I am merely satisfied that it works and that I didn't start a fire.



Somewhere looking to save a video game princess,

Andrew Joseph 

Today's blog title is by Canada's own Guess Who: SUMMERFRIEND

Any Way The Wind Blows

Welcome back to Wednesday, October 2, 1991. I'm Andrew Joseph, an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan, and I have to give a speech in two days to someone. I'm unsure if it's for the Ohtawara International Friendship Association or if its to all of the teachers and folks at the Ohtawara Board of Education Office (OBOE). It doesn't matter who it is for.



That's one of the drawbacks of not being able to speak Japanese... and one of the drawbacks of the JET Programme when people kind of sort of tell you you have to do things without really explaining the who, what, where, whens or whys of things. Maybe they did, but it sure wasn't in understandable English.



That's not their fault, nor is it a complaint. It's just the way things are here. It's really quite amusing, because although I am out-going, brash and funny, I wasn't always this way. I was shy, introverted and funny... I only reinvented myself before I left Toronto for Japan 14 months ago.



And now... I have to give a speech in a different country in front of many non-native English speakers, and you know what? It doesn't faze me in the least.



Since arriving here, I stand up and team-teach with a Japanese teacher of English every day. I also teach a night school English class for beginners, I've given a team-teaching lesson to other AETs, and spoken in front of other Prefectural (State/Province) people, all while maintaining my sense of humour, if not dignity.



Here as a JET, you adapt and flourish, or you don't and wither away. I don't wither... except when it comes to women. Then I'm putty in their hands. That's probably due to the fact that I had only started dating when I was 22 (I'm 27 now), and had not slept with a woman until about a month after arriving here.



In the 'having sex' department, I am flourishing.



At Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) - one of the seven junior highs I teach at weekly, I write my speech during the 2nd period. Shibata-sensei, a young, hip, good-looking English teacher who has a ton of female students in love with him, translates the speech during the 4th period. He's that good. Or my speech is that bad.



One of the teachers (not an English teacher) comes in at lunch and tries to valiantly translate an instruction manual for Sim City, a video game I purchased for my Nintendo Super Famicon video game system. The whole thing is in Japanese... the instructions, as well as the writing within the game. I'm afraid this will be one game I never play here. Oh well... screw the simulated city! I have a whole country yet to explore here in Japan!



Out of the woodwork, I meet a 15-year-old  girl who wrote a speech on pollution in Japan. She tells me this in perfect English, as she had spent the last four years of her life in England, and... here's the best part... she speaks English with a Cockney accent! I love it!



I was born in London, but after moving to Toronto when I was three-years-old, I only have what is known as a neutral accent. It's clean and clear, and English speakers from around the world will understand me... unlike say me understanding everything a New Zealander or a Scottish person says. I do... but I really have to listen carefully.



Since there's no teacher's meeting today, I can't slip out of work early... but I do anyways. Look... the way I figure it, no one will ever say anything about it to me - as long as I don't make a habit out of it, of course. Besides... people will just figure I'm off goofing around with the students... no one really keeps track of me or what exactly I am doing... and to be honest... this is the first time I have skipped off on my own initiative... and it'll probably be the last.



I head out to my chiropractor and get my spine adjusted. It feels good, but I feel very tired, rather than energized.



It's probably because Ashley, my ex-girlfriend and current friend-with-benefits, is back after spending a few days in Nikko-shi (City of Nikko) with Karen, the newly arrived JET woman who wants to be my girlfriend rather than plain old sex partner. Karen and I made out a lot when she first arrived which in her mind meant I liked her a lot... which is why she hung out with my mom when she came for a visit. That's just wrong, and is probably what has really turned me off her. I'll still sleep with her, though. I'm not that picky. yesI am. No I'm not.



I'm easy to get along with. I just want sex. Except from Ashley, from whom I want more... as I dislike losing (that's the new me... the old me would just have accepted it and worried that he would never ever find another woman to like him again).



Wednesday is usually kyudo (Japanese archery) night, but since my boss Kanemaru-san (he's also our teacher) has the flu, it's cancelled for myself and Ashley. I try  to call Ashley to head her off at the pass, but to no avail. She's not back from Nikko yet, or perhaps she's at Ohtawara Boy's High School where she is an AET.



So.. to kill time, money and brain cells, I buy another video game and go home to play it.



Three minutes later, here comes the buzz kill. Ashley shows up. She's very cranky and doesn't say much to me, and to be honest... I'm afraid to say anything to her. I figure Karen must have asked her about me. And, whether Ashley admits it or not... whens another woman is interested in your ex, it gets your hackles up.



At least that's what I hoped has happened. For all I know, Ashley gave her her blessing. Or maybe they discussed having a threesome with me.



Probably not. Ashley is pissed at me, or at the world. Whatever. She always seemed to be in a snit 47 per cent of the time, which would put me in a snit.



She can be in a snit all by herself, though. While I could care less about what she and Karen talked about (okay, I do care), but the main thing is that while I have to give a speech on Friday about a foreigner's views on Japan, I actually have a date with a beautiful young lady named Shoko from my night school English class tomorrow!



Ashley goes home in a snit after I make us dinner and an episode of McGyver. I swear... I think that aside from the awesomeness of my sexual ability, she uses me for free food. Trust me... I notice these types of disparities. And I keep track of them.



Hey... I'm not perfect. But then again... we're just friends. If she was my girlfriend like for the first 10 months, I have no problem in blowing all my hard-earned (yeah, right!) cash on her.



regular readers will recall that she broke up with me because I was always around her - crowding her - paying attention to her - lavishing her with as much affection as I can muster (except when she pissed me off... which was often).



Regular readers will also recall that I rarely went to her place (not invited), as she preferred my more westernized apartment with the sofa, chairs, dining room tables, carpet and Queen-sized bed, western toilet, washer AND dryer, shower... of yes... a real shower. She had a square box you squatted in and washed yourself with whatever water it was you were sitting in. Sorry Japan, but blech!



When she leaves - she no interest in my video game - I stay... and stay up late trying to figure out how to survive in my simulated world.



It's been a busy but relatively uneventful day. the important thing is that I still have my testicles intact.



Somewhere life is a video game,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog is by The Mothers Of Invention (featuring Frank Zappa): YOUBLOW

PS: Today just highlights either how wishy-washy I am, or how I just take everything in stride. Stuff happens. You just have to deal with it. And you'll notice no alcohol was harmed in the making of this blog.

That's The way (I Like It)

I'm at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) again - today September 27, 1991, Friday.

I have three classes today, and one of them is a team-teaching demonstration in front of all of the English teachers in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan plus the whole Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office is there.

I'm unsure if they are there to watch the English teacher or me. Probably me. The whole point, I am sure, is to determine whether or not gaijin (foreigners) are a plus or minus for the students here in this city.

Whatever. I'm not nervous because all I can do is do what I do.

The class went very well, despite the students being nervous. Miss Iso, the first-year class' English teacher was also very nervous--she confided in me afterward. I suppose she was, but it wasn't evident to me.

Who could blame the kids and teachers for being nervous... there were an additional 25 adults in the class! I am curious as to why they chose Wakakusa as the school. Tomura-sensei is the school's head of English, and a finer gentleman and speaker of English may not be found in the city. Well... Shibata-sensei of Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) is also excellent, as are Nagashima-sensei... hell... come to think of it, each school has at least one fantastic English teacher! While some of the English teachers in Ohtawara-shi may not be the greatest of English speakers as far as pronunciation goes (that's a big reason for me being here!), their teaching skills are sublime.

The demonstration lesson was nothing fancy - we just did what we usually did. Repeat after Andrew, Andrew helps students with pronunciation, helps students with written work, makes a few jokes and tries to relax everybody, and always ensures they know that us gaijin are every bit as human as they are. It's called internationalization, and to be honest, along with interacting with the everyday populace of this city and beyond, I'm also trying to help lay the groundwork (along with the rest of the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme that hired me as an assistant English teacher) so that this generation of kids doesn't feel like gaijin are special or different... but are instead just people like them who love, laugh, cry, get angry, and who want to do the best job in life possible.

Hey... I know what my real job is here in Japan, and I do it quite well. No one hates me. No one mistrusts me. People like me and enjoy my company. I fit in without becoming Japanese.

Ken Sasanuma (Sasanuma-sensei), a young, very cool guy from Chikasono Chu Gakko (Chikasono Junior High School) presents me with some photos he took of my last visit to his school. We had a blast with his students at this very old fashioned-looking school with it's wooden floorboards and walls!

Here's a blog on my activities of the the old-man hobby if bonsai! HERE

And where are the photos of pinching trees? Somewhere in this old house... I've seen it recently, but that doesn't mean I can find it!

In the photos, I have a beard. It also shows us going out to a bonsai (Japanese tree bondage... that's what I call the miniaturizing of trees) master's farm, with me forcing a tree to bow to my will.

The OBOE bows and smiles to me, but doesn't say anything to anyone... except thanks... and then leaves.

Back home... it's raining a bit... Matthew calls and comes over to make me get off my butt and go to Matsuri restaurant for dinner. There we meet a couple of his junior high school teachers. Matthew is an assistant English teacher on the JET Programme who lives five minutes away from me in the city, and who teaches at I think five junior high schools just outside the city. Matthew also fits in quite well, despite being a thin 6'-3" strawberry blond American! He knew some Japanese language before arriving, and quickly found himself a gorgeous girlfriend in Takako Kurita.... who Matthew said yesterday that she was moving to the capital city of Utsunomiya today.

He doesn't mention anything about it... but perhaps that's because two of his teachers are there at the place plying us with lots of sake (Japanese rice wine) to drink.

By the way... now in 2011, I'm having a nice chilled glass of sake while I write this. I love the stuff! I had never had it before arriving in Japan back in late July 1990.

Matthew and I are both pissed by 10PM, at which time I bet Matthew that my ex-girlfriend and current friend-with-benefits, Ashley will be asleep when I call.

He's afraid to take that bet.

I'm unsure if he's afraid I'll blab that he and I were betting on her, or that he believed she might actually be asleep at 10PM on a Friday night. That, sweetheart, is why you are single.

Anyhow, despite being drunk, I'm not stupid or completely mean. I know she's asleep. She always was when she wasn't with me. I suppose that's fine... some people just need more sleep... but dammit... she's 23!.. look at Matthew and I! We're out having a drink with some locals... being one of the guys! We're not hitting on women... though anyone of us four could if we wanted too! We're just soaking up local and gaijin culture!

We're not sleeping away our life here in Japan. There will be plenty of time to sleep when we're dead!

(In 2011... I'm now 20 years closer to that sleep... I am so very, very tired... damn sake!)

I still enjoy her company and the sex... but dammit I wish she was more energetic!

At midnight, we say our good nights and stagger home. Matthew left his bike at my place and hopefully doesn't ride into any rice fields on the way back home. I know there aren't any rice fields between my place and his, but he is as hammered as I am... and besides... Ohtawara, like all the small towns in this country... has its sewers covered by removable cement blocks that act as sidewalks.... and they aren't always set in place... or, in a few instances, even there.

I stay up until 2AM and do my crossword puzzle while drinking Coke until I am sure I am no longer drunk.

It's been a great day of fitting in, and just being me.

Somewhere I like it,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by KC & The Sunshine Band: UH-HUH.
Forget the sexual lyrics... it's just a peppy song and I feel good, for goodness sake.  

Can't Explain

Today is Wednesday, September 25, 1991.
I'm living in Ohtawara City, Tochigi-ken, Japan working (sometimes) as an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.
My dad calls at exactly 7:10AM just as I asked him to yesterday. Because I have a female student who speaks Spanish, I thought I could get a few lines from my dad to help me look smart and charming.
However, my dad says that rather than just tell me a few phrases, he'll send me a book.
I'd have preferred the quick fix because I'm only at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) until the end of this week and won't be back for a month or more, but still... it's better than nothing.
I have three classes today. As usual, they all involve me reading from the English text book and having the class and then individual students repeat it.
I'm really tired today, but I survive because really, what other option do I have?
At lunch, I play with the mentally challenged kids (I always eat lunch with them when I visit this school... I have to admit, despite their learning disabilities, these kids are so much fun and lively, and are always playing practical jokes on myself and the other kids and teachers... it warms my heart!).
Because they have to do some chore or something, I find some first-year students to play with. It's raining, so all of our activities are indoors.
I then look out for and find the Peruvian girl. She nearly dies laughing after I say that one of the boys is "loco de la cabeza" (in Japanese it's 'Atama no kurutta')", which if I recall my Speedy Gonzales cartoons, it means 'crazy in the head'.
Ahh... it's good to be the king!
After school, I ride over to my back doctor for an adjustment, though I still feel tense when he's finished. Oh well, at least I no longer ned to wear the back brace I had brought with me 14 months ago.
Next, it's over to my kyudo (Japanese archery) club with my ex-girlfriend Ashley (who now better serves me or us as a friend-with-benefits), and one of my Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) supervisors, Kanemaru-san, who is teaching both of us archery. We both suck... or rather I do. Ashley's not so bad at it. She's a lot better than I am and it pisses the hell out of me considering I bragged to the Japanese about my sports dominance back in Canada.
Oh well... if the Japanese are smart (and they are), they simply have to look at the sports dominance of the USA versus Canada and know that the Yankees are a whole lot better than us Canuckleheads. Of course, Ashley isn't a damn Yankee... she's a southerner from Augusta, Georgia.
Having said all that, I hit a bullseye on my first shot.
Then, because form and technique are everything in Japanese society, Kanemaru-san begins to teach me the proper way to hold an arrow in my bow. Damn, but that feels a lot better! My finger no longer hurts!
Of course, I don't hit the target again for the next hour, but at least my form is good.
That's kind of what gets me about Japan. I finally succeed in shooting an arrow and hitting the target dead-on, but because it doesn't conform to the Japanese way, I am deconstructed.
Fortunately, my other supervisor Hanazaki-san, did not attempt to change the way I hold my chopsticks. Round about my first week in Japan - certainly the second day I ever spent at the OBOE office, Hanazaki-san took a pair of pencils and taught me the correct way to hold them as through they were chopsticks.
Now... perhaps because my hands were a little wider or longer, I couldn't grip those pencils the same way as he, and therefore had to create a different grip for myself. I showed it to him - and he said if it works for you, then maybe Japan could learn from Canada.
My test with the chopsticks involved me having to pick up slick, raw shelled beans with them.... if I could do it quickly by picking them up from one bowl and then into another, then my style was golden.
I'm still awaiting my royalty cheque from having taught the world a different chopstick grip. Excluding my pinkie finger and index finger, I use the two middle ones and my thumb to grab food as fast or faster than the Japanese.
Back to the point - kyudo: Because I am tired, my eyes are, too... or maybe it's the other way around.
When we finish, and Kanemaru-san drives Ashley back to my place. She hangs around and watches a couple of Mission Impossible episodes (original series) and one of McGyver.
I figure she's hanging around for a reason, so I sit beside her on my couch and cop a feel. My grip must be good because I feel no pain, though there is the odd moan evoked.
She doesn't seem to mind (or say a word) as I unbutton her blouse and move her bra out of the way... as I time it perfectly for the end of McGyver, because as soon as it's over she jumps me!
We head for the bedroom and without going into details (which I have actually written down here in my diary), we come out gasping for air 90 minutes later marveling at how good that felt.
Not an idiot, despite what I have written under the name of the whole blog, I suggest that maybe we can do it more often.
She smiles, and in her usual understated way simply says, "maybe." No capital 'M' either. Now that's understated.
It's also so friggin' Japanese. The Japanese have a hundred different ways of saying maybe, including the infamous sucking of air through the teeth... which is all done rather than saying 'no" and possibly disappointing someone. Is Ashley turning Japanese?
If not, at least it wasn't a 'no'. But if the endorphins weren't kicking in, perhaps it would have been. Who the hell knows what she is thinking? Probably that we are just friends-with-benefits. But I want more. The king wants more!
I ride my bicycle back to her place. Tell her I enjoyed the evening, and ride home floating on a cloud.
Oh yeah... while I was making the moves on Ashley, Kevin called wanting to talk with me about last Saturday night. That was when he kept trying to poach the Japanese woman I was chatting up - and doing quite well with - until he butted in and started speaking his fluent Japanese drawing her out of our broken English/Japanese chat. Bastard.
I tell Kevin I have my hands full with some things now (and I do, too, thank you Ashley), so he suggests we chat tomorrow. I say okay.
What the hell is there to talk about? Bastard. Just don't ever get in my way again! Stupid gaijin.

Somewhere riding the high,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is sung by: The Who: MINDMINDMIND

I Feel Fine

So there I was... sleeping... in my nice tatami mat room on my Queen-sized bed, courtesy of one of my fans in Ohtawara, who offered the bed to my Ohatawara Board of Education (OBOE) office after it became known that I had some back pain that was being aggravated by sleeping on a futon.

Actually, it was probably more aggravated by my having sex on the futon... and the knee burns from the tatami! Oy gevalt!

Anyhow.. sleeping... it's Saturday, September 14, 1991 here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

Doorbell... okay... I'm going to ignore it.

It's not students from any of the junior high schools I teach at because they would have to ring it 100 times already.

Fifteen seconds later, the doorbell rings again. Ignore it. I'm dead.

Damn! A third ring!

I crawl out of bed and quietly make my way to the front door and peer through the peephole to see who the hell it is... Ashley?

Ashley is my ex-girlfriend here in Japan for the first nine months of my current-14 month stay. We are now friends-with-benefits, because while she enjoys the sex, she can't stand the idea of being tied down by having a full-time boyfriend. That's too bad, because I really, really like her and would love to be tied up, I mean tied down by her as my girlfriend... oh well... at least there's still sex. Tied up? Tied down? Which phase is funnier?

I let her in, grab a quick shower and then go out to talk to her.

She's apparently been up for hours. It's only 10AM! She doesn't state why she's been up for hours - Manic? Antsy? Horny? Dopey, Doc, Grumpy or Bashful? All I know is, this Cinderfella isn't getting his Sleeping Beauty rest.

I better stop. I'm getting Disney. I mean dizzy.

It's still raining. So we stay inside at my place.

We watch some videos from back home, make out a bit - it was weird... she was quite nice... with none of the bitchiness I hate and love at the same time. Hell, she was still very funny like she had been earlier this week - when I thought she was on her period... but now she admits she was clear last Wednesday... and was waiting for me to make my move like I was always forced to do.

Afterwards, she invites me back to her place to watch Black Rain and eat some more of her home-made soup. Guys... when a woman cooks food for you, she really loves you. That whole adage: "The way through a man's heart is through his stomach" - that's true. If you are eating take-out or ready-made meals all the time, or if you are like me and cooking for her, it's Loserville's one-way street. That was me this past year.

Now she is cooking food for me? It's soup. Does that count as a meal? Is that a meal if you are just a friend-with-benefits, or does she not know about that old saying?

I think too much, ne (eh)?

The gas in her apartment goes off suddenly, and no amount of kicking the stove will make it come back on, so I suggest she call her supervisor to call someone for help.

As she makes that call, I know my night is over early, and I ain't getting any. While Ashley has told anyone who will listen that she has never had a boyfriend, damn near everyone in Japan who has seen the two of us together (more often than often) would know that we were a couple. Hell, I told my bosses at the OBOE who asked if we were a couple, and they (I've heard from the OBOE) discussed the happy union with Ashley's bosses. When Ashley's bosses said "she keep's telling us she is single - why would she lie?" I told my bosses to inform them of the Japanese perception that a woman with a boyfriend must be sleeping around with him... and Ashley did not want to look like a slut.

I'm paraphrasing, of course. I don't believe I used the words "sleeping around".

As he makes his way over, I am making my way out.

I stay up until 2AM doing my jigsaw puzzle.

Crap. I have to get up early tomorrow to go dancing.

Somewhere not sleeping around,
Andrew Joseph
Today' blog title is by The Beatles because I like the IRONY.
PS: Of course, you know what FINE means, right? Read about the BREAKUP

I Wanna Be A Cowboy

It's Monday, September 9, 1991.

Along with my girlfriend Ashley (or maybe we're not boyfriend/girlfriend and just in it for the benefits), we participated in the Yoichi Nasu Kyudo (Japanese archery) Matsuri yesterday.

I actually hit a target—just not my own. Oh well...

When I did hit that target - everyone at the tournament gasped with shock... how could a gaijin (foreigner) play our sport so well! And then when they saw it was not my target they all unclenched their sphincters.

I'm just guessing.

The Japanese are a notoriously proud people - as well they should be. But to ensure that you - the gaijin - are aware that what your are seeing, doing or wearing is actually Japanese, they will refer to it as a Japanese so-and-so.

Examples I can easily toss out are: Japanese rice; Japanese chopsticks; Japanese kimono. It does seem, at first glance for a guy coming over from Canada, to be completely ridiculous, as these items in Canada are simply known as rice, chopsticks and kimono.

I supposed that if I were at a Chinese restaurant I'd be eating Chinese rice with my chopsticks while wearing a Chinese kimono. Or Indian rice with my Indian chopsticks (also known as fingers) while wearing my Indian kimono (sari).

I get it... There are other countries that offer a similar product (Korea does have a kimono - though I doubt they call it one), and the Japanese just want to ensure you/me/us know that it is of Japanese origin - and that everybody stole it from Japan.

That's a paraphrase from a Gilligan's Island television episode:

Gilligan: "I thought it was Chinese water torture."
Japanese Soldier: "They copied it from Japan."

I love that line... even though they had a guy with an Italian name play the part of the Japanese soldier - Vito Scotti.

Anyhow... I'm feeling blah! It's an office day because all of the recent school festivals meant the students weren't doing enough work... so they wanted to keep me out for a day to help teachers and students get back into the swing of things... or something like that. I usually got explanations for things, but often it was tell me where I'm going and who cares about the explanation, as I knew it would be a difficult thing to have translated for me.

It looks like the typhoon is about to hit - again. I go into the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office - and the first thing I tell all all of the anxious faces is: "Dame!  Ze-ro" (essentially, "no way - zero" ). I explain all of my bad luck yesterday - leaving out the sex, and everyone gets a chuckle because it is rather funny, and I have a big grin on my face as I re-tell the days events.

Kanemaru-san invites me to participate in another kyudo tournament next weekend. I actually want to participate now... but I have committed to be part of some JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme dance event in Nikko.

I go home at lunch and do some more of my puzzle... it's not coming as easily as the last one that I seemingly did in my sleep one evening, as my brain took over and just kept slapping down piece after piece until I forced myself to regain control.
 
I write another letter to my brother Ben, and receive one from my gal Kristine who lives 500 kilometres away. Brains, beauty and a fantastic sense of humour - she always seemed too good for me, and 20 years later, I congratulate myself on being correct.

Back at the OBOE office - I goof around some more. I do some work on a couple of stories, and do a few puzzles. It's a nice change of pace from being on the go and being so in-demand nearly every day. I don't mind that, but it is nice to do nothing and get paid for it.

I ride home in the drizzle and sit amongtst my messy apartment and do more of my puzzle. I am actually unaware as to when my apartment finds the time to get messy, as it seems like I tidy up every day. God! Am I anal retentive neat? My parents would have a heart attack if they knew that, because I have always been messy. I guess now that I have people (and especially women) going in and out of my place, I want the place to look like it belongs to a guy who knows how to look after himself.

I watch some sumo (Japanese wrestling) on television and then race off to teach at my night school English conversation class for beginners that I do to make some extra cash on the side. Basically, it helps pay for the food Ashley and Matthew consume. :)

I have four new students tonight... all female of course. The majority of my class is female. I'm not complaining, but I really do think that most of them spend the entire time there making eyes at me and then demurely lowering the head when I look at them.

Of my new students, two are actually from Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) - but unlike any I've met at that school... these ones do not understand anything I say... even when I ask them: "What is your name?"

They point at their nose, as if to grasp that I am indeed talking to them... I am... I'm looking right at them and have leaned in close. But... they can't even answer that until my other students translate for them.

But that's okay... it is a beginner's course, afterall. Why would anyone come here if they didn't need to be here? Not for me, I hope.

My other two students are women in their late 40s or early 50s... I really seem to have a look cougars like - horny.

Not surprisingly... Shoko is absent. She and I were supposed to go out for a date last Friday. She was to have called me and told me when and where. She did try, but I must have missed her call. That sucks... but I hope she isn't avoiding me?

Last night Naoko came over to talk. Naoko likes myself and Matthew - but just as friends. My mom visited here last month and was really quite disappointed that Naoko and I were only friends, and spend an inordinate amount of time looking for a husband for Naoko if I wasn't going to step up... and I wasn't.

Shoko and Naoko are friends. I explained what happened, and I assume that now Shoko knows. It wasn't me being malicious or afraid or anything like that... just crappy timing.

At break, while everyone goes off to chat, I sit at my desk by myself and wonder what the hell I am going to teach them tonight. I really should come up with a teaching plan, but I have always preferred to just wing it!

I decide to teach them some very difficult 'tense' material... but the class keeps surprising me and gets most of it.

I ride home after class, take a whiz and then go over to Matthew's place to watch a television show - Robin Hood - until midnight. It's a good but not great program, because the archery in it... is not Japanese.

Somewhere this Indian wants to find a kimono-clad Cowgirl,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by: Boy's Don't Cry: YOYO

 

 

I Was Made For Loving You

It's Friday, September 6, 1991. I'm an assistant English teacher (AET) on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme living in the smallish city of Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.

I've been here for a little over 13 months and while I've been a happy camper towards the Japanese, women troubles have irked my brain causing me some pretty decent lows. Like today.

It's an office day, meaning I go into the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) offices. Generally speaking, I don't do anything when I'm here. I write letters home and write short stories that no one will ever read except a chosen few, and also put together a newsletter for the Tochigi-ken JET AET's called the Tatami Times.

It's my pride and joy here, as I have full editorial control over what goes in and what stays out. Pretty much everything I get from other AETs goes in. And, when it's not enough to my satisfaction, I add in stuff of my own. Since I hardly ever get enough stuff, I usually add about four or five "articles" a month from the depths of my mind. Don't ask me how I am able to create comedy when I'm in a bad mood, but I do.

Do you know what's really cool about my so-called writing style? I never have a clue as to what I am going to write when I sit down at a keyboard or pick up a pen and paper. I just start writing like I'm on automatic pilot. I have no rhyme or reason... it just flows out. As such, I am always pleasantly surprised when I'm finished at what I wrote. I'm not saying everything I write is golden (as evidenced by this blog these past two years), but it's not exactly completely terrible, is it?

Hanazaki-san, one of my two bosses as the OBOE who is responsible for my state of well-being in Japan, he knows I am upset about something. Probably because I was so pissed off yesterday evening that I left my kyudo (Japanese archery) practice with my other boss, Kanemaru-san, in a huff. Since they sit beside each other, I assume they talk.

I was unable to verbalize to Kanemaru-san what was wrong due to the language barrier, but Hanazaki-san posses sublime English skills... or at least his are better than Kanemaru-san's. Both are my boss, but both are my friend.

I feel like crap, and it shows. I explain to Hanazaki-san why I am in a bad mood... offering a one-word answer to his query: Ashley.

Ashley is a young woman from Augusta, Georgia. She is the Ohtawara Boys High School AET, and from the second day of arriving in Japan last July, she was my girlfriend. She is kind, pretty, generous--she helped me with a great problem: losing my virginity at the almost-age of 26--and she is moody, sleepy, and doesn't always keep me in the loop as far as her life goes. Now call me crazy (You're crazy!) (Thank-you), but I think that when you are a couple, suddenly disappearing for a couple of days and not telling anyone where you are going, might actually worry your significant other (that would be me).

That happened too often for my liking. I mean for American Thanksgiving last November, I actually found a restaurant that would cook a turkey for us with all the fixings. It took me two weeks of planning and a hell of a lot of money, plus a lot of help from my OBOE office, as the restaurant wasn't even in my home city. In case you were wondering, getting a turkey here in Japan is a very difficult endeavor. I wanted to surprise her.

It was a Thursday night... and for every day after work, she would drop by my place before heading home... just not on November 22, 1990. She never showed up. I called her place to see if she was all right, but there was no answer. I called an hour later, and an hour later and an hour later, until I decided to make the 20 minute bicycle ride to her place to see if she was still alive.

She wasn't there. In fact, she wasn't there on Friday... I asked Hanazaki-san to call her school, but no one knew where she was except that she had taken the day off. She wasn't home on Saturday, but was back on Sunday when she called me.

She had decided at the last minute to go to a fellow American's place for Thanksgiving and spent a few days. Why would I - a Canadian - ever think that Thanksgiving might be important for an American? Canada does do Thanksgiving - but a month earlier. No one except Matthew or Kristine said anything to me on Canadian Thanksgiving. I should have married Kristine, or at least slept with her when I had the chance. Stupid illness!

So... there I was with a small turkey, scalloped potatoes (try explaining that to someone in Japan!), carrots, parsnips, cranberry sauce and some wine and beer... and no girlfriend to share it with.

Matthew... you'll hate me for this, but I was so despondent by Friday evening when I found out she had booked the day off and hadn't told me anything, that I chucked the whole thing in the garbage, refusing to touch a single thing myself. The whole thing cost me about $400 plus a whole lot of dignity.

I never told her what I did for her that day. But I remembered. As such, every little grievance against myself would piss me off. I don't let anything go. Ever. (Even in 2011 as I write this, I am seething at something I haven't thought about in nearly 20 years.) (Hard to believe I am still married, huh? The way I look at is this: God forgives. I don't. If I forgave, then I would be likening myself unto God, which would be wrong. I know that's all B.S., but I it gives comfort to know I am justified in my anger).

Hanazaki-san understands my anger (recalling the Thanksgiving example), and quickly explains it to Kanemaru-san. Kanemaru-san looks stern and nods his head in understanding. Then he shocks the hell out of me.

"Ash-a-ri-sensei biggu (Ashley teacher's big)?" implying that she had put on weight recently.

I nod my head in agreement and smirk.

Point at his belly, he asks: "You-a (your) baby?"

Holy crap! You could have knocked me over with a feather!     

I think I swore out loud in Japanese then! (I have a book called Making Out In Japanese, that teaches me the good stuff). After numerous denials, emphatic denials, and just plain old-fashioned denials, the OBOE office calmed me down.

I sat down and  relaxed and started typing, stopped and said: "Watashi wa jissai ni wa, kentō ga tsukanai. (I have no idea, actually.)"

That sent the whole office into a buzz! I was going to tell Hanazaki-san that I always used a condom, but instead offered that I think she just ate too much home cooking when she went back to the US these past few weeks. That jive turkey got stuffed.

Which brings us back to Do! See... I wasn't going to write about all of that past crap about Ashley... but it just started flowing like a bad case of dysentery (which is what stopped me from making a pass at Kristine when she came to visit me as recounted in a very recent blog). Wow. What a crappy ending.

There's more to this day, however. Like I once told Ashley after a marathon bout of sex... I think you've had enough for one day. I'll continue tomorrow and tell you about my first date with local fox Shoko. You'll be sad if you miss it!

Somewhere realizing I didn't always use a condom,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by KISS.
PS: That ending is true! At that time in 1991, I didn't realize that pre-cum (a lubricant) can contain sperm. We did always finish clad in latex, however. So... I suppose it was a possibility that she was pregnant with my baby (I can still hear Kanemaru-san in my head here in 2011!!)... just not likely. After Ashley and I had broken up for good or better (about three months ago), we decided that we made a better set of friends-with-benefits, as this way she wouldn't feel crowded... you know, obligated to tell me where she was, like I felt (as a good boyfriend) to tell her where I was and what I was doing. We could still have sex, just not any of the obligations of being a couple. I know she wasn't sleeping around with anyone else. She told me that, and no matter how much I might have slagged her here in this blog, Ashley was not a liar. That means I know she didn't cheat on me. I did sleep with other women over the past year - but only after she broke up with me. Kind of a knee-jerk reaction (heavy on the jerk, I suppose), but it was better than going blind... if you know what I mean... having to take matters into my own hand, so to speak.
PPS: I told you all yesterday that I was going to play poker over at James Dalton's house today. I had forgotten I had a date when I accepted, but called him up immediately afterward to back out. There's a guy adage: Bro's before Ho's... but Shoko was neither, so I didn't feel obligated to cancel my date with her. Besides... there is no way James would have let me come over to play poker with the boys when there was a chance I could play poker with Shoko.

Mr. Brightside

Okay... maybe I lied at the end of my blog yesterday. I actually got a good night's sleep. Hardly the sleep of angels, but I do get enough... but I still feel like it's not enough.

It's Wednesday, September 4, 1991 and I'm in my 13th month of living here on the small city of Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. I'm an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.

You know.. regular readers must be bored with me writing out that last paragraph for all of my articles... but you try writing it out every single day! I do it in case someone new comes along - and believe me, despite the few number of followers, there are quite a few people who find us accidentally and follow along themselves. How else to explain why we get around 6,000 hits a month. It's not going viral, but it shows that one can build an audience with charming, intelligent articles. And that you can do it the opposite way to, like I have done.  

I'm at Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School), one of the seven schools I team-teach at for four days a week (a fifth day is spent at the OBOE - what I call the Ohtawara Board of Education office). Though I only have two classes today, school is very long... a by-product of feeling tired, I suppose... or perhaps just realizing that every kid is looking forward to this weekend's Sports Festival.

After the second class (strangely enough in the second period), all the kids head outside to practice for the festival. It's 10:30AM and it's already 31 Celsius and humid.

But, rather than practice sports (it is a sports festival!), they practice dancing... they do a traditional Ohtawara dance that is old fashioned and means a lot more to old folks and gaijin (foreigners) than it probably does to these poor kids.

Since there are about 50 more boys than girls, the boys are forced to dance together. One of the teachers (who shall remain nameless) winked at me and called it an okama dance... an English translation would involve a more harsh term for 'homosexual'. Regardless of the lack of political correctness (and he did say it as a friend rather than a s a fellow teacher), I call it the 'laughing dance' as I am laughing my butt off! It's not because of any one looking gay, it's because of the reaction of these boys.

Let's take a look at life in 1991 in Japan. Homosexuality in Japan is completely frowned upon. AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) was not something that Japanese people got—it was a sicko perversion brought to Japan by gaijin. This was what numerous people told me when I asked them about homosexuality et al.

Back in the early 1980's, I worked as a summer student with the Ontario Ministry of Housing working the frontline as people looked for government-assisted housing. Along with the so-called poor and needy, we also had battered women, as well as those who were sick... many with AIDS. I've not been afraid to help anyone who needs help, and I know back in 1987 or whenever it was, a person with AIDS was looked upon like a leper (but 10 times worse). These poor men (and in all instances at that time, the people who had AIDS that I met were men) always seemed surprised that I didn't seem afraid to shake their hand or that I as a then 22-year-old could treat them with the respect than any human being deserves.

Why am I explaining all this... well, I don't want you to think I'm an insensitive clod. I'm not a hypocrite. I treat everyone the same, and that is how I want to be treated myself.

These boys were afraid to touch each other's hands. It was funny, because the teachers knew this and didn't care. They were going to step up and toe the line and dance with another male, because that's what they had to do.

They were slapping each other like Japanese Stooges, calling each other knuckleheads and other nonsensical names. They were acting like kids... and I have to admit that sometimes that is great to see. Japanese schools can be so strict and regimented that it isn't really a fun place to be (at least in my own opinion - maybe they feel differently). After several minutes of refusing to touch each other's hands, one of the older kids—and obvious star athlete in baseball—tells them all to stop screwing around and to let's just do this! This kid will be a leader in enterprise someday!

So... guess what music they are dancing to? "Turkey in the Straw"; "Anchor's Away "(which would have been even more funny if they were wearing the dress uniforms... you  know...  the one's based on the naval sailor suits!).

Those songs were why I was busting a gut laughing! That wasn't for my benefit was it?! I hope not! But why those old grey mare songs? This is for Sports Day... surely there must be something better than Turkey In The Straw!

Lunch is another diet. It's not that I'm not hungry - I am... it's just that I am not afforded enough time to eat. I eat my lunch with the 3-3 class (class three of Year 3), a group of mostly 14- and 15-year-olds.

They all seem to speak excellent English. Any worries I had for the future of Japan were quickly dispelled by this class. The sports leader was also in this particular class.

Two of the boys (whom are not afraid to say that they think of me as a friend) sit beside me and talk non-stop throughout lunch. That's cool. That's what I am in Japan for. English and internationalization.
The son of one of the OBOE ladies asks me how tall I am and then how he can get to be so tall. Geez. Tough question considering genetics plays a huge role in this. I tell him to drink lots of milk and to exercise - things that can encourage growth. He says he does weights, and since I have done some (not a lot) I would start doing weights a lot between 1994 - 1999 back in Canada), I offer him advice and add that he should develop his core muscles (stomach et al) and his shoulders. As well, one can't walk around all muscle bound with the upper body, or you'll look like a chicken, with rooster legs. It's a total package, alternating between upper body and lower body, switching off on the days he exercises.

I go outside again and bake in the sun while I chat with Miss Funami ( a cutie teacher) and then either fall asleep or pass out from the heat that must be up around 38 Celsius. The nap kills my enthusiasm for the rest of the day. Heat stroke or something like that.

I go home, wolf my dinner and get ready for kyudo (Japanese archery). Ashley wants to come this week. I am unsure why she has chosen to come this week - whether it was for the actual sport or for my company, or is it just to learn something Japanese. Ashley, my ex-girlfriend, is a boys high school AET here in Ohtawara. All of her students know I am or was dating her, though Ashley likes to tell people she and I were just friends. Whether they believe her or me—well, I can't answer that. I'm pretty sure they believe the guy who talks to them about sex and who has never shied away from answering any question they have ever asked of me. Sorry Ashley.

At kyudo, because I am entering a contest this weekend, I am asked to put on some of the official archery clothing. It's some very fanciful pants and top, and if I didn't feel Japanese, I felt like one now... just one who was melting in the heat.

My actually archery is okay form-wise, but I am not hitting any targets, as I guess I am not pulling my right arm (and bowstring) back enough. I am shooting too low.

Because Ashley hasn't been to archery in a couple of months, I end up showing her what to do. Guess who hits the target? I effing hate her sometimes. With that hit, Kanemaru-san (one of my bosses at the OBOE and our kyudo teacher) asks Ashley to join the tournament this weekend.

(2011 editorial aside. I was 26-years-old at the time of this archery event, and still pretty childish. 2011 editorial aside over.)

This was my tournament! I'm not please. This was supposed to be my day. That ... it rhymes with witch.

We are supposed to practice Thursday, Friday and Saturday for the event on Sunday.

I am still fuming. I don't hide my emotions well... so I'm sure everyone knows I'm angry about something.

Ashley and I ride back to my place and watch McGyver on a tape I have, before I ride part-way home with her, leaving her to drop off a video and to rent another. Cathy, MariAnn and Kristine call me as I lie around naked watching my video. Yeah. There's a visual for all of you.

I crash at 11:30PM mentally exhausted.

Somewhere childish,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by: The Killers: JEALOUSY
PS: Wow... why was I such a dink? Ashley didn't do anything wrong. Maybe I was trying to push her away? Maybe I was angry that she didn't immediately fall in love with me again after being away for three weeks? Maybe I don't like being shown up by anyone in sports? Maybe I had heat stroke? Maybe I'm as childish as those dancing kids? Maybe. Let's face it... if I wasn't complex, these adventures would be pretty boring. See... I told you I was honest. Writing these blogs about this particular time of my life - it's difficult to write and bare myself. It's hard to fathom how I refused to let myself stay in a good mood - always looking for something to pull me down. I think it's still going on in 2011. Crap. I should do something about it.
PPS: Today's image at the top is again drawn in ink by Matsu-sensei of Nozaki. It's me gabbing on the phone (he knows I do that a lot), plus... I'm shaving! I guess my facial hair grows pretty fast! Dammit! Has everyone noticed?! Anyhow... his hanko (ink stamp signature is below the drawing.. mine is in the top right corner, and simply says An-Doh-Ryu.... not my last name... just my first.  
PPPS: Another blog entry eight hours after the publication of this one. Hold your breath!

Bohemian Rhapsody

By the way... sorry about the other night (yesterday). The guys building a monster home across the street hit some cables and down went my Internet, television and telephone... for almost 24 hours!

The guys at the cable company were surprised to learn that people in my neighbourhood were without service. They asked me why I didn't call them sooner. I told them I didn't have any telephone service (again). They asked why I didn't use my cell phone. I don't have one, I told them. This stunned the person trying to help me, as apparently I am the only person in Canada without a cellphone. Hey! No one is belling THIS cat, Roger that!
(Bell and Rogers are two of the bigger telecommunications companies in Canada). They then attempted to sell me on a new cell phone and plan - rather than work at resolving the main problem of me not having any services. Idiots.

It's Friday, August 30, 1991.

I have to go into work -- the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) - I do, and spend it putting together some of my prefectural newsletter for the English-speaking teachers in Tochigi-ken (Prefecture of Tochigi).

I leave at 11AM and head back home.

My mom is leaving Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara) to go back to Toronto.

I change clothes and then carry my mom's two suitcases downstairs. The taxi comes at exactly 1PM, per my friend Naoko's orders.

We travel via Shinkansen (bullet train) from Nasushiobara-eki (Nasushiobara train station) down to Ueno-eki (Ueno train station) in Tokyo, and then hop aboard a Skyliner shuttle train to Narita airport in Chiba-ken (Chiba Prefecture).

My mom is talking a lot to me, but I have to admit I am kind of stunned, and I have no idea what she said to me. While the first part of our vacation together worked out great for me (we met in Thailand where I abandoned her in the evenings after sight-seeing together, to go and hook up with a security guard and waitress at our hotel for awesome fun sexual times). The middle part I was moody, but luckily she went off on her own to see Japan herself. When she got back - well, let's just say the last three days were great thanks to the efforts of Ohtawara International Friendship Association, friends Naoko and Tokunori, and the OBOE. Without their help I fear she might have had a crappy time with me. Instead I have memories to last a lifetime--and now after putting it here in this blog, it will last until we get hit by an EMP (electro-magnetic pulse) that could wipe out computers and thus civilization as we know it. EMPs are usually caused by nuclear weapons et al. Let's hope that never happens.

At the airport, we have our last snack together: an apple pie and an espresso for her, and a banana choco-pie and a beer for me. I just love that you can get such a wide mix of stuff at a kiosk in Japan.

Then we say our good-byes. See you next year... maybe. I really do like Japan a lot, and am already thinking of staying a third year. I wish I could even stay longer, but the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme only allows participants to stay a total of three years--if their educational office wants them of course.

I'm not sad or depressed or anything... but rather glad... glad I got to spend some time with her. I didn't realize she would be dead in two years.

I go out and purchase some magazines--one of which I will utilize in a blog tomorrow to explain a few things about Japanese culture and language (I hope).

Heading home via bullet train, it's packed and I have to stand all the way... probably making some Japanese person a little afraid that the big gaijin (foreigner) is looking down her top. I was, but she had no reason to be afraid... I mean, it's nothing I haven't seen before - especially since arriving here in Japan 13 months ago.

Back at the train station, I'm too tired top bother going down to a closer train station and then catching a bus home, so I just take a taxi all the way.

Arriving home at 9:30PM, I fry and egg or two, drink a Coke and watch some videos of Tiny Toons that my brother, Ben, had taped for me. Ben, by the way, won an Emmy award for writing for Roly Poly Ollie, a kids cartoon/computer-generated show that won best children's television program... all of the writers got one. That was maybe 10 years later. I do recall that at home, we had to enlarge all of the doors at the top so he could fit his head through there! I kid. I'm proud of my entire family.

Back in Ohtawara-shi, Matthew - ever the good friend - calls to see if things went well for my mom's departure. I assume so. After chatting for a few minutes, I suddenly hit a wall and get very tired and am actually in bed at 11PM.

Somewhere in my apartment by myself,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Queen: EASYCOMEEASYGO.
PS: It is speculated the song is about lead singer Freddie Mercury personal demons with relationships. I'll just leave it at that and not speculate any further... but I think I just figured out that personal demons with relationships - that's what my ramblings of my past are all about. I'm not gay - not that there's anything wrong with that in my opinion... but really, life is all about relationships. Work, home, whatever. I can't write a cool song like this, so I do this blog. It's not in the same  league, of course, but one does the best one can.
PPS: Lots more to come.

My Back Pages

(L-R: Iso-san; Hanazaki-san (standing), pear farmer and wife, my mother Lynda Hyacinth Joseph

It's been an exciting past two days, as the people of Japan have really taken a shine to my mom, Lynda, as she visits Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan from Toronto.

I've been here 13 months already, so perhaps I am old news to the people of Japan... but then being invited to participate in - not just watch - the Sakuyama Obon Matsuri (Sakuyama Festival of the Dead)... well, it's nice to feel good again. I've been on a major downer lately as my girlfriend or woman troubles have really taken their toll on me. I'm not clinically depressed or anything, but I wonder if anyone I know is? Hmm. I'd ask, but I'm too much of a coward.

Yesterday, the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) took my mother and myself all around the outskirts of Ohtawara to see sites I've not even seen before. I'm unsure if that was because my mother was with me or if it was because I brought a large bottle of good Canadian whiskey for the OBOE superintendent.... I'm sure it was my mom!

It's Thursday, August 19, 1991, and I go into the office again in the morning. My vacation is up, so even though there is no school for me to teach due to summer vacation, I am still expected to be at work at the OBOE. That's fair, of course.

At the OBOE, I try to sort out the upcoming issue of the Tochigi JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme newsletter, The Tatami Times. I'm the editor-in-chief, which means I have to put the content together. Because a lot of new people have just arrived in Japan (and Tochigi-ken) one month ago, I need to make sure that I present them with interesting and useful materials along with the usual mindless comedic crap. The magazine is a mess... as I have no idea what to include or where to put it. I actually have too much material.

I head home at lunch and then pick up my film (or rather my mom's film) from the Iseya department store. When you receive your film back (remember, this was 1991!), the clerks open up the film envelope and show you a photo so that you can assure them that it is your film.

At Iseya, the place is essentially run by pretty young Japanese girls in their early 20s. They took great delight in opening up my mom's entire set of photos and placed them out for me—and the other young girls they called over—to see. I am always an object of great amusement for them. I wonder why I've never asked any of them out? I guess I need to gain greater Japanese language skills.

They ask me all about the places in the film, and who is taking photos of me. They giggle with delight as I try to explain that it is my mom's film and that I do not have a girlfriend right now.

I head home totally bedazzled by all of the female attention and chat with my mom a bit before heading back to the OBOE at 1PM. Hanazaki-san asks me with a pained look on his face of I am busy.

"No."
"Then let's leave."

So we do, dropping my my apartment to pick up my mom. I love surprises!

Iso-san, the gentleman who usually drives us around in his white van, joins us, but this time we are in Hanazaki-san's white Jaguar... what he calls his Toyota Camry. I'm telling you, I got lucky! My office crowd has a wonderful sense of humour... I've heard of other offices for AETs (assistant English teachers) are often rather dour.

Oh... and juts so you know, I had already given Iso-san (and Hanzaki-san) a present earlier, to thank him for looking after me here in Japan. It's nothing great, but it's from the heart.

We first go to the Sakuyama district (in Ohtawara) pear farm I visited last year (photo HERE) and get to load up on free pears and grapes. Okay, I do the loading up, as my mom is leaving for Canada tomorrow. Remember mom - don't tell Canadian customs you visited any farms!

Catacombs with 100's of Buddha statues.

Then we drive out to Yawn, sorry, Yaita-shi (Yaita City) to the Sawa Kannon-ji (fountain spring-goddess temple). It's about 400 years old and is in really great shape. We head down into its catacombs where there are hundreds of Buddha statues! Back topside, my mom and I load up on good luck charms (all of which I lost in my house fire three years ago).

It's raining now. What with Ame Otoko (Rain Man = me) and Ame Oka-san (Rain Mother = my mom), how could it not?

Iso-san then takes my mom over to the kimono school across from the Nozaki-eki (Nozaki train station) that is currently the only JR (Japan Rail) station in Ohtawara. To me, it's actually farther away than the one up at Nishinasuno-machi (Nishinasuno Town) to the northwest of Ohtawara.

My mom tries on a kimono... photos galore via her camera, and just to prove that it's not really a mom-thing, but a camera-thing, it runs out of film. I can see now in 2011 why digital cameras are so awesome.

Kimono school teacher and my mom.

My mom bought a kimono - just not this one... hers was purchased while out west. I'll see if it still fits me and take a photo. Not.

The school has a scale there to weigh bolts of cloth, so I get on and weigh myself, coming in at 77 kilograms (which is just under 170 pounds). All right! I've lost 3 kilograms (~6.5 pounds) since arriving. How the heck did I do that considering all of the booze I've been imbibing?!       

We then head back to the office, as I'm supposed to meet the new English teacher taking over for Nozaki Chu Gakko's (Nozaki Junior High School's) Ishihara Norko-chan (surname first), who was a good friend of mine. She introduces herself as Mrs. Hiyama... so I have no idea what her given name is.

Her English is rusty, but she's really nice and we chat for an hour. Why won't she leave and go back to her school?!

Hanazaki-san then drops us off at my apartment, and by US, I mean myself, my mom and Hiyama-sensei (Hiyama teacher). I guess bevause it was raining, I left my bicycle at the office - and it is now, in fact, pouring like someone should be building an ark and gathering the animals.


I was supposed to have dinner in Nishinasuno tonight with all of the other AETs in our northern section - including Karen, the new girl in Yaita who wants to be my girlfriend. I just want to get laid. I don't want a relationship. Anyhow, since it's my mom's last night here, I stay home and eat a burger and fries dinner.

Naoko and Suzuki Tokunori (the gentleman who allowed me to participate in the Sakuyama Obon Matsuri) come over to make their good-byes to my mom. I think she wishes I would have hooked up with Naoko, as she really took a shine to her.

She shows Naoko some photographs of her trip to western Japan, making sure she sees pictures of a guy she met that she thinks would be perfect for Naoko. Ah... my mom the pimp.

Everyone wants to talk to my mom - including Hiyama-sensei who is still there and joined us for dinner. I have to admit, it was nice to not be--or want to be--the center of attention for once.

Naoko, ever the classy broad, phones for a taxi to come and pick us up tomorrow. Nice.

Somewhere wishing these past three days could have lasted forever,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is originally a Bob Dylan song: This VERSION is sung by Roger McGuinn (The Byrds, whose version of this song I love), Tom Petty (& The Heartbreakers), Neil Young (Buffalo Springfield; Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - he's Canadian),  Eric Clapton (The Yardbirds; John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers; Cream; Blind Faith; Derek & The Dominoes - his dad was Canadian), Bob Dylan, George Harrison (The Beatles). Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.
PS: The photo up above is indeed one from my mom's camera - I took it. Hard to believe my mom is Indian with that complexion, eh? Plus, she's 52 in this photo. I refrained from posting a photo of her until this moment, her last fun day in Japan... she died two years later of a disease you only hear about on the television show House. It breaks my friggin' heart to look at her photo, let alone write about her. I know she would have laughed her head off reading every single one of my Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife adventures. She missed me getting married, having a fantastic son, and would have been there for me when I needed her the most. It hurts everyday knowing that and living in the house where she died. Crap. I'm tearing up now.