Dr. Feelgood Redux

Reprinted by popular demand--because I accidentally posted a story for this morning (my time) yesterday evening--is my first experience at a Japanese hospital.

Cue ominous music.

Duhn-duhn-duhnnnnn.

It's not for the weak of heart or stomach.

Originally written for your perusal back in December of 2009 when this blog was getting about 400 hits a month... I repeat it again today considering I get well over that in a single day now... so some of you may have missed it the first time. Count yourselves lucky.

Regardless... for all of your new readers who accidentally stumble across this blog searching for data and photos on Miss Universe or information on soccer, thanks for sticking around... it makes me feel good.

Enjoy my blast from the past HERE.

Somewhere trying to tie up my hospital gown
(but secretly enjoying showing off my butt),
Andrew Joseph
Enjoy some Motley Crue while you are at it: DRUGS

Big In Japan

Today is Tuesday, October 8, 1991.



I'm an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme living in the sleepy city of Ohtawara (about 200 kilometres north of Tokyo) in the prefecture of Tochigi, Japan.



It's my last day of work at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School), as I have permission to attend a team-teaching demonstration put on by my friend Matthew tomorrow, and then on Thursday, I'm on a short vacation to Sendai with my ex-girlfriend, but current friend-with-benefits, Ashley.



I have no idea why we are going away on a vacation together. It was her idea. As mentioned, while I can have a dominant personality and can get lots of people to do what I want, I prefer that they decide what they want to do, and if I agree, then I can get everyone else to do it. Control without being the known leader, I suppose. God I hate being introspective, sometimes.



Or, in this case... Ashley asked, I, like a good little puppy dog who is still in love or lust or severe like with her, readily agrees. I assume there will be sex. After all... we're friends - with benefits... and the only important benefit I know of from being anywhere with one's ex-girlfriend, is sex.



Going on a vacation together with someone who is your ex... well, isn't that what couples do... or just friends... not friends-with-benefits!



If I still had any blood left in my brain, I would have not gone with Ashley tomorrow... but I'm thinking about sex, and I'm thinking that her asking me to accompany her means she wants to get back together. Right? Am I right? I'm not sure...



It's still raining today.   Like yesterday, I help the kids with some English listening comprehension tests to help them prepare for a big exam. It's still fun, and it's still very much interesting to me.



However, lunch is quiet as the class I eat with lacks the guts or gumption to talk to me... although one young boy (this is a 3rd year class - Grade 9's), Suzuki-san is always peppering me with interesting questions. He's always a pleasure to talk to at this school...



Kanemaru-san and Hanazaki-san drop by the school while Suzuki-san and I are talking (that's lucky... show's I can talk to the kids!). Those two old guys (who are about as old as I am now in 2011 - 46), are my bosses/supervisors with the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education). Two nicer men I have yet to meet on this planet.



They bring along (from the teacher's lounge), Shibata-sensei, the young, hip, good-looking English teacher  who has all the female students swooning after him. Along with being brilliant and charming and funny, Shibata-sensei is also one heck of a good English speaker and very quick translator.



I'm telling... I got very lucky to be posted - or chosen - in this city. Actually... I think the Board offices get a say on who they want. I think Hanazaki-san once told me that they liked the fact I was a journalist with the Toronto Star newspaper... one of North America's best newspapers. I'll admit it was a selling point.



The three of them tell me that I have to pay a personal and city tax. Nertz.



On the plus side, the OBOE says they will cover that for me. They will put the money directly into my bank account (The Ashikaga Ginko (Ashikaga Bank), Ohtawara Branch) for me. That money will then be withdrawn by them to pay the two tax bills.



That is so cool of the OBOE. I also like how they came in person to tell me, rather than just calling up Shibata-sensei to tell me.



I go home, write a letter and relax. It's still bloody raining. I hope it won't tomorrow when a score of other AETs will be coming here to Ohtawara to watch Matthew do his team-teaching demonstration. Cripes... I hope my OBOE doesn't see too much of a disparity between what he does and what I does... otherwise they might actually make me do real work!



I watch some television and crash to bed at 12AM.



Oh... Karen Irwin called. She's a new AET (high school AET like Ashley - so she won't be there at Matthews demo) living in Yaita-shi (City of Yaita), 10 kiometers to the south. She's originally from North Bay, Ont... and arrived here two months ago. In that time she has made it clear that she would like us to slow down (IE no sex!), became buddy-buddy with my visiting mother going on little trips together, and even went on a 3-day trip to Nikko-shi (Nikko City) with Ashley.



I don't know what they talked about... the ex, and the girl who would eventually be my ex, if I let her (all women everywhere could eventually be my ex-girlfriend if they try hard enough).... but this evening... it is apparent that they talked.



Karen seemed to know a little too much about me. My mother - while she did like Karen very much - was no dummy, and I know she would never tell anyone anything about me. Ashley... she might, seeing as who we weren't together anymore... I expect that Karen would want to know the ugly stuff. Me being moody and crap like that. Truth is... I was only moody after Ashley caused me to be moody. But Ashley doesn't know that... and neither does Karen.



Karen attempts to psychoanalyse me. Really? This chick is going to try and get inside MY head? I'm already onto her clumsy attempts about 15 seconds into our telephone conversation! For me... this is like a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.



Because I know what she's doing - and why (she wants to know what makes me tick, and why Ashley and I broke up - perhaps so she can avoid the same mistakes), she pisses me off.



You know what led to Ashley and I breaking up? It was her pissing me off. Congratulations Karen. You've managed to piss me off even before we've become boyfriend/girlfriend. I guess there'll be no sex, now. Crap.



Regardless of the tempest raging inside my skull... I play it cagey and play it cool. She has no idea just how angry I am.



It's the real reason why I go to bed early today. I lie there and wonder...



Okay... Ashley came back from her trip to Nikko with Karen in a bitchy mood. Karen is acting inquisitive towards me. That means that Ashley knows Karen and I made out. It also means she knows Karen wants to go out with me... and if I know Karen, she probably asked Ashley if that was okay.



That probably put Ashley in a bad mood. It could also explain why Ashley suddenly asked me if I wanted to accompany her to Sendai... it's a little jealous revenge thing against Karen... who I don't think knows that Ashley and I are still sleeping together on occasion.



Great... all I need now are more women to start talking with each other about. That could never happen, right? Am I right? Even I don't want to think about the real answer.



Somewhere thinking about tomorrow and tomorrow,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is by Alphaville: BIG  Lyrics are right below the video.

Can't Explain

Today is Wednesday, September 25, 1991.
I'm living in Ohtawara City, Tochigi-ken, Japan working (sometimes) as an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.
My dad calls at exactly 7:10AM just as I asked him to yesterday. Because I have a female student who speaks Spanish, I thought I could get a few lines from my dad to help me look smart and charming.
However, my dad says that rather than just tell me a few phrases, he'll send me a book.
I'd have preferred the quick fix because I'm only at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) until the end of this week and won't be back for a month or more, but still... it's better than nothing.
I have three classes today. As usual, they all involve me reading from the English text book and having the class and then individual students repeat it.
I'm really tired today, but I survive because really, what other option do I have?
At lunch, I play with the mentally challenged kids (I always eat lunch with them when I visit this school... I have to admit, despite their learning disabilities, these kids are so much fun and lively, and are always playing practical jokes on myself and the other kids and teachers... it warms my heart!).
Because they have to do some chore or something, I find some first-year students to play with. It's raining, so all of our activities are indoors.
I then look out for and find the Peruvian girl. She nearly dies laughing after I say that one of the boys is "loco de la cabeza" (in Japanese it's 'Atama no kurutta')", which if I recall my Speedy Gonzales cartoons, it means 'crazy in the head'.
Ahh... it's good to be the king!
After school, I ride over to my back doctor for an adjustment, though I still feel tense when he's finished. Oh well, at least I no longer ned to wear the back brace I had brought with me 14 months ago.
Next, it's over to my kyudo (Japanese archery) club with my ex-girlfriend Ashley (who now better serves me or us as a friend-with-benefits), and one of my Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) supervisors, Kanemaru-san, who is teaching both of us archery. We both suck... or rather I do. Ashley's not so bad at it. She's a lot better than I am and it pisses the hell out of me considering I bragged to the Japanese about my sports dominance back in Canada.
Oh well... if the Japanese are smart (and they are), they simply have to look at the sports dominance of the USA versus Canada and know that the Yankees are a whole lot better than us Canuckleheads. Of course, Ashley isn't a damn Yankee... she's a southerner from Augusta, Georgia.
Having said all that, I hit a bullseye on my first shot.
Then, because form and technique are everything in Japanese society, Kanemaru-san begins to teach me the proper way to hold an arrow in my bow. Damn, but that feels a lot better! My finger no longer hurts!
Of course, I don't hit the target again for the next hour, but at least my form is good.
That's kind of what gets me about Japan. I finally succeed in shooting an arrow and hitting the target dead-on, but because it doesn't conform to the Japanese way, I am deconstructed.
Fortunately, my other supervisor Hanazaki-san, did not attempt to change the way I hold my chopsticks. Round about my first week in Japan - certainly the second day I ever spent at the OBOE office, Hanazaki-san took a pair of pencils and taught me the correct way to hold them as through they were chopsticks.
Now... perhaps because my hands were a little wider or longer, I couldn't grip those pencils the same way as he, and therefore had to create a different grip for myself. I showed it to him - and he said if it works for you, then maybe Japan could learn from Canada.
My test with the chopsticks involved me having to pick up slick, raw shelled beans with them.... if I could do it quickly by picking them up from one bowl and then into another, then my style was golden.
I'm still awaiting my royalty cheque from having taught the world a different chopstick grip. Excluding my pinkie finger and index finger, I use the two middle ones and my thumb to grab food as fast or faster than the Japanese.
Back to the point - kyudo: Because I am tired, my eyes are, too... or maybe it's the other way around.
When we finish, and Kanemaru-san drives Ashley back to my place. She hangs around and watches a couple of Mission Impossible episodes (original series) and one of McGyver.
I figure she's hanging around for a reason, so I sit beside her on my couch and cop a feel. My grip must be good because I feel no pain, though there is the odd moan evoked.
She doesn't seem to mind (or say a word) as I unbutton her blouse and move her bra out of the way... as I time it perfectly for the end of McGyver, because as soon as it's over she jumps me!
We head for the bedroom and without going into details (which I have actually written down here in my diary), we come out gasping for air 90 minutes later marveling at how good that felt.
Not an idiot, despite what I have written under the name of the whole blog, I suggest that maybe we can do it more often.
She smiles, and in her usual understated way simply says, "maybe." No capital 'M' either. Now that's understated.
It's also so friggin' Japanese. The Japanese have a hundred different ways of saying maybe, including the infamous sucking of air through the teeth... which is all done rather than saying 'no" and possibly disappointing someone. Is Ashley turning Japanese?
If not, at least it wasn't a 'no'. But if the endorphins weren't kicking in, perhaps it would have been. Who the hell knows what she is thinking? Probably that we are just friends-with-benefits. But I want more. The king wants more!
I ride my bicycle back to her place. Tell her I enjoyed the evening, and ride home floating on a cloud.
Oh yeah... while I was making the moves on Ashley, Kevin called wanting to talk with me about last Saturday night. That was when he kept trying to poach the Japanese woman I was chatting up - and doing quite well with - until he butted in and started speaking his fluent Japanese drawing her out of our broken English/Japanese chat. Bastard.
I tell Kevin I have my hands full with some things now (and I do, too, thank you Ashley), so he suggests we chat tomorrow. I say okay.
What the hell is there to talk about? Bastard. Just don't ever get in my way again! Stupid gaijin.

Somewhere riding the high,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is sung by: The Who: MINDMINDMIND

I Was Made For Loving You

It's Friday, September 6, 1991. I'm an assistant English teacher (AET) on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme living in the smallish city of Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.

I've been here for a little over 13 months and while I've been a happy camper towards the Japanese, women troubles have irked my brain causing me some pretty decent lows. Like today.

It's an office day, meaning I go into the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) offices. Generally speaking, I don't do anything when I'm here. I write letters home and write short stories that no one will ever read except a chosen few, and also put together a newsletter for the Tochigi-ken JET AET's called the Tatami Times.

It's my pride and joy here, as I have full editorial control over what goes in and what stays out. Pretty much everything I get from other AETs goes in. And, when it's not enough to my satisfaction, I add in stuff of my own. Since I hardly ever get enough stuff, I usually add about four or five "articles" a month from the depths of my mind. Don't ask me how I am able to create comedy when I'm in a bad mood, but I do.

Do you know what's really cool about my so-called writing style? I never have a clue as to what I am going to write when I sit down at a keyboard or pick up a pen and paper. I just start writing like I'm on automatic pilot. I have no rhyme or reason... it just flows out. As such, I am always pleasantly surprised when I'm finished at what I wrote. I'm not saying everything I write is golden (as evidenced by this blog these past two years), but it's not exactly completely terrible, is it?

Hanazaki-san, one of my two bosses as the OBOE who is responsible for my state of well-being in Japan, he knows I am upset about something. Probably because I was so pissed off yesterday evening that I left my kyudo (Japanese archery) practice with my other boss, Kanemaru-san, in a huff. Since they sit beside each other, I assume they talk.

I was unable to verbalize to Kanemaru-san what was wrong due to the language barrier, but Hanazaki-san posses sublime English skills... or at least his are better than Kanemaru-san's. Both are my boss, but both are my friend.

I feel like crap, and it shows. I explain to Hanazaki-san why I am in a bad mood... offering a one-word answer to his query: Ashley.

Ashley is a young woman from Augusta, Georgia. She is the Ohtawara Boys High School AET, and from the second day of arriving in Japan last July, she was my girlfriend. She is kind, pretty, generous--she helped me with a great problem: losing my virginity at the almost-age of 26--and she is moody, sleepy, and doesn't always keep me in the loop as far as her life goes. Now call me crazy (You're crazy!) (Thank-you), but I think that when you are a couple, suddenly disappearing for a couple of days and not telling anyone where you are going, might actually worry your significant other (that would be me).

That happened too often for my liking. I mean for American Thanksgiving last November, I actually found a restaurant that would cook a turkey for us with all the fixings. It took me two weeks of planning and a hell of a lot of money, plus a lot of help from my OBOE office, as the restaurant wasn't even in my home city. In case you were wondering, getting a turkey here in Japan is a very difficult endeavor. I wanted to surprise her.

It was a Thursday night... and for every day after work, she would drop by my place before heading home... just not on November 22, 1990. She never showed up. I called her place to see if she was all right, but there was no answer. I called an hour later, and an hour later and an hour later, until I decided to make the 20 minute bicycle ride to her place to see if she was still alive.

She wasn't there. In fact, she wasn't there on Friday... I asked Hanazaki-san to call her school, but no one knew where she was except that she had taken the day off. She wasn't home on Saturday, but was back on Sunday when she called me.

She had decided at the last minute to go to a fellow American's place for Thanksgiving and spent a few days. Why would I - a Canadian - ever think that Thanksgiving might be important for an American? Canada does do Thanksgiving - but a month earlier. No one except Matthew or Kristine said anything to me on Canadian Thanksgiving. I should have married Kristine, or at least slept with her when I had the chance. Stupid illness!

So... there I was with a small turkey, scalloped potatoes (try explaining that to someone in Japan!), carrots, parsnips, cranberry sauce and some wine and beer... and no girlfriend to share it with.

Matthew... you'll hate me for this, but I was so despondent by Friday evening when I found out she had booked the day off and hadn't told me anything, that I chucked the whole thing in the garbage, refusing to touch a single thing myself. The whole thing cost me about $400 plus a whole lot of dignity.

I never told her what I did for her that day. But I remembered. As such, every little grievance against myself would piss me off. I don't let anything go. Ever. (Even in 2011 as I write this, I am seething at something I haven't thought about in nearly 20 years.) (Hard to believe I am still married, huh? The way I look at is this: God forgives. I don't. If I forgave, then I would be likening myself unto God, which would be wrong. I know that's all B.S., but I it gives comfort to know I am justified in my anger).

Hanazaki-san understands my anger (recalling the Thanksgiving example), and quickly explains it to Kanemaru-san. Kanemaru-san looks stern and nods his head in understanding. Then he shocks the hell out of me.

"Ash-a-ri-sensei biggu (Ashley teacher's big)?" implying that she had put on weight recently.

I nod my head in agreement and smirk.

Point at his belly, he asks: "You-a (your) baby?"

Holy crap! You could have knocked me over with a feather!     

I think I swore out loud in Japanese then! (I have a book called Making Out In Japanese, that teaches me the good stuff). After numerous denials, emphatic denials, and just plain old-fashioned denials, the OBOE office calmed me down.

I sat down and  relaxed and started typing, stopped and said: "Watashi wa jissai ni wa, kentō ga tsukanai. (I have no idea, actually.)"

That sent the whole office into a buzz! I was going to tell Hanazaki-san that I always used a condom, but instead offered that I think she just ate too much home cooking when she went back to the US these past few weeks. That jive turkey got stuffed.

Which brings us back to Do! See... I wasn't going to write about all of that past crap about Ashley... but it just started flowing like a bad case of dysentery (which is what stopped me from making a pass at Kristine when she came to visit me as recounted in a very recent blog). Wow. What a crappy ending.

There's more to this day, however. Like I once told Ashley after a marathon bout of sex... I think you've had enough for one day. I'll continue tomorrow and tell you about my first date with local fox Shoko. You'll be sad if you miss it!

Somewhere realizing I didn't always use a condom,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by KISS.
PS: That ending is true! At that time in 1991, I didn't realize that pre-cum (a lubricant) can contain sperm. We did always finish clad in latex, however. So... I suppose it was a possibility that she was pregnant with my baby (I can still hear Kanemaru-san in my head here in 2011!!)... just not likely. After Ashley and I had broken up for good or better (about three months ago), we decided that we made a better set of friends-with-benefits, as this way she wouldn't feel crowded... you know, obligated to tell me where she was, like I felt (as a good boyfriend) to tell her where I was and what I was doing. We could still have sex, just not any of the obligations of being a couple. I know she wasn't sleeping around with anyone else. She told me that, and no matter how much I might have slagged her here in this blog, Ashley was not a liar. That means I know she didn't cheat on me. I did sleep with other women over the past year - but only after she broke up with me. Kind of a knee-jerk reaction (heavy on the jerk, I suppose), but it was better than going blind... if you know what I mean... having to take matters into my own hand, so to speak.
PPS: I told you all yesterday that I was going to play poker over at James Dalton's house today. I had forgotten I had a date when I accepted, but called him up immediately afterward to back out. There's a guy adage: Bro's before Ho's... but Shoko was neither, so I didn't feel obligated to cancel my date with her. Besides... there is no way James would have let me come over to play poker with the boys when there was a chance I could play poker with Shoko.

Eat It

After the physically tiring and liver-sapping day of yesterday at the Sakuyama Obon Matsuri (Sakuyama festival of the dead), I figured I owed myself a relaxing day off.

It's Wednesday, August 28, 1991 and I'm here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. My mom, Lynda, has flown in from Toronto to visit me, as I am currently in my 13th month of living, loving, screwing, drinking and simply enjoying myself here in Japan. I arrived here an incompetent virgin and along with hitting double digits and simultaneous double female partners, I have learned how to cook, clean, shop, do laundry and iron. I even was taught by a Home Economics teacher at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (one of the seven junior high schools I teach at) how to sew. I'm only so-so at that, however. Sorry for that crappy joke. I usually do better.

So... even though I am on vacation still, I get up early and drag my mom  into work at the Ohtawara Board of Education (which I have dubbed the OBOE... I have no idea why I only did that back in 2009, and not back in 1990-1993!).

I take the Superintendent a large bottle of Canadian whiskey as a present - to thank him for allowing me the honour of working for him these past 13 months, and for another 11 future months, as well as to thank him for looking after my general well-being. To be honest, he had nothing to do with that, though he may have appointed the two men —Kanemaru-san and Hanazaki-san—that job... but, that's Japan. The boss gets the glory and the booze. Not to worry... I'll take in something for those guys later - when I don't have to embarrass the rest of the office when I don't provide presents for everyone.

I really wish I could... but I'm not a rich man—only in the things that count, and I'm pretty pissed off about that—I can only afford a few presents for those that really looked after me... though, to a person, each one in that office played a major role in my survival this past year.
  
As expected (okay, I didn't really expect it), but the whole OBOE goes ga-ga over my mom!

As a special treat (and thanks for the booze), my mom, Hanazaki-san (who speaks much more English than Kanemaru-san) and I are chauffeured around in the Superintendent's air-conditioned limousine. The Superintendent joins us, as we first visit his family home that actually belongs to his older brother now.

Located in Yuzukami-mura (Yuzukami Village), the place is over 200-years-old, is larger than any home I have ever been in here except a castle, is made of solid spruce wood and looks like it was built last week.

His sister-in-law serves us kuri (cucumber) and nasu (egg plant) salted overnight in a brine. It's fantastic, and I can't believe how much I eat considering neither vegetable is amongst my favourites. It's just that tasty!

We next head over to the Tengu Jinja  (Tengu Shrine)... I have no idea where I am... but Tengu is a large-nosed spirit  who can be better described by seeing rather than me writing about it... click on Tengu above for a lookie-loo. Unfortunately the shrine is closed up for repairs, but we can still see through a window.

We then drive out to the small town of Bato! Great! This is the third place I've never been to today - and guess who doesn't have his camera? Yup. Me.

At Bato, to thank him for his even greater generosity, I buy the Superintendent a lovely piece of Bato pottery - a vase. He was going to buy it himself, but I snatched it from his hands and paid for it myself. He seemed completely shocked, but I think he loved the fact that anyone would dare do something so strange and generous.

I don't know if that's what he was thinking, but the strange grin on his face showed ME that I was probably the first person in this country to ever do something like that to and for a boss. I think he originally thought I was going to buy it for myself and wanted it badly enough to rip it from his hands! Fooled you!

In retaliation, he buys my mother a pair of "His & Hers" coffee cups and saucers. I still have those cups - no photo though, as my wife took the camera with her to the cottage just this morning... me? I have to work!) My mom buys herself a large plate to put into her collection back in Toronto.

Next we head over to Ungonji Komekami (Unganji Temple) in Kurobane-machi (Kurobane Town - where Kanemaru-san happens to live). I have been here before, but nestled up against the Nasu mountain range's Higashi Yama (Eastern Mountain), I finally have perfect picture taking weather. mom as is her fashion in Japan, runs out of film... again.

At around 1PM, we stop off at Naka Gawa (Middle River) for an ayu (Japanese sweetfish) and to see the yana (bamboo ramp used to catch the fish).

They drop us off at home at 2PM, but I head out to go shopping while my mom relaxes a bit. My mom is making a tuna casserole.

She had me invite Matthew and Ashley over for dinner, curious to see why I was hung up on this girl. However, since I have kyudo (Japanese archery) tonight, the dinner is at 5PM.

Today I do go to kyudo with Kanemaru-san (my sensei/tecaher). Ashley who does archery with me decides not to go because she is sleepy. If there is one thing that really bothers me about Ashley, it's her inability to stay awake.

She was quiet during dinner, and acted like she didn't want to be there... but she and Matthew are my two best friends here in Japan, and I really wanted them to meet my mom. Screw Ashley - my ex-girlfriend and perhaps still friend-with-benefits... at least Matthew was the life of the party. I couldn't even look at her during dinner.

At kyudo, I hit one target out of four - alright! It's my first successful hit from the proper distance, and my form is perfect! because of that, they make me sign up for a kyudo tournament on September 8. Aaaaarrrggghhh! I have no idea how to say no, I'm a stinking coward in Japanese!

On the plus side, with my hair in a pony-tail, I feel like Robin Hood... if he had a ponytail and was a real person.

However... during archery, my stomach begins to churn and hurt. Everyone thinks its that Thailand dysentery problem I just got over. Me? I think it's either my mom's cooking or nerves hitting about the tournament.

As such, I need to leave early. Kanemaru-san who drove me there says it's okay to leave, and then sits around talking for a while. All I know is that the gurgling in my stomach is a forerunner to my gut exploding all over a toilet... and I've not seen one at the kyudo club!  Someone's going to be sorry!

When he finally does deign to take me home, I rush up to my apartment and barely make it up to my third-floor apartment. Kanemaru-san follows close behind and waits to see if I am alright.

My mom gives him some take-home tuna casserole. I told you someone was going to be sorry.

Matthew was still there when I got home, though Ashley was long gone. My mom was showing him some of my baby pictures.

I survive.

Somewhere wondering why my mom has my baby pictures with her on a trip to Japan,  
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Weird Al Yankovic. BURP
PS: No offense to Ashley in 2011, but my mom did not like her that much. It's probably because she wasn't as effervescent as Karen - the woman who wants to be my girlfriend, and who started sewing stuff for my apartment with my mom. I think Ashley had her baggage, but it still wasn't as heavy as Karen's. I think Ashley was just more shy, and I really did nothing to nurture her breaking out of that - expect to hope that my new-found brashness would rub off on her. I always figured that since I am the life of the party nowadays, that if she hung out with me she would be part of that party life, too. She may not have cared for that. I thought I did, because I had never been popular before thanks to a killer shyness. Regardless, Ashley preferred her own friends, most all of whom I found bitchy and bossy. She could be with her stand-offish crowd, and I could stand with my non-stand-offish crowd. At this time, I am unsure if I need to be with her or not. Same with Karen. Maybe I need someone new. Maybe I need to just freaking relax. I can't do anything with my mom around anyway... and besides... I haven't heard from Karen in a while... I wonder if she is expecting me to call her.  I don't. 
PPS: Okay... I just listened to the words to this parody song Eat It (イート・イット... this reads: ee-to it-to) (it's a parody of Beat It by Michael Jackson)... it mentions starving children in Japan!; and it mentions tuna casserole! Trust me! I had no idea those words were in this song, as I haven't listened to it in maybe 25 years! I love it when a plan comes together!

I'm So Tired

I'm going to combine two days today....  mostly because, well...

It's Wednesday, August 21, 1991 here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. Today, is the first time I've been alone in about a month or more.

I've always been a bit of a loner. Sure I enjoy company, but I also like being able to just be by myself... you know, to just be.

The past 13 months here in Japan have been hectic. I've had a girlfriend or 12 since first arriving, drunk more booze than I had ever done in my first 25-1/2 years, eaten a lot of strange, but wonderful foods, and have had the time of my life. I've had girlfriends, stalkers, uninvited visitors, visitors, strange phone calls, learned how to cook, clean, do laundry and iron.

Of course, today being the first time I've been alone in so long, I'm still sick... I picked up the runs while in Thailand. Never ever have an drink (of Coke) containing ice cubes. Sure... perhaps do so at a good hotel or restaurant, but I had mine up near the Burma border in a small podunk of a village. Mistake.

That was eight days ago. I am still sick, but just not so bad. Perhaps it's because I'm not eating.

I do a load of laundry (the medicine for my mind), do some rough drafts of It's A Wonderful Rife for the Tochigi-ken JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme monthly newsletter I am the editor for (The Tatami Times) - I haven't written in a while, and it makes me feel antsy.

Pretty cool huh? I feel antsy because I haven't written, while a mere three years ago, the thought of being a writer/journalist was the farthest thing from my mind. Japan? I never thought about that until a year and a half a go. Never knew I wanted to work or live or even visit there. Strange old world we live in, eh?

I laze around all day long hoping that Mathew or Ashley will phone. Ashley is my ex, and current friend-with-benefits. She arrived back in Japan yesterday evening (she's jet-lagged, I'm sure) (I wonder if she realizes I stocked her fridge for her so she'd have food and drink when she got back, realizing that she'd be too tired to go out shopping? Probably not.)

Matthew calls at 3PM, and we small talk. Despite being a loner, it's good to hear other people's voices - and Matthew has been a god-send for me. Considering the other people on JET who hate each other and never do anything with each other even though they live in the same town or city, I really lucked in.

I go to sleep for a few hours and ignore Kanemaru-san's frantic ringing of my doorbell at 6PM when he comes to take me to kyudo (Japanese archery) practice. I love Kanemaru-san. He's my boss at the Ohtawara Board of Education, but I really don't like kyudo. I just don't want to disappoint him by quitting.. but at least I have an excuse this evening... I'm sick.

And what is with the Japanese ability to not understand that someone is unavailable.... I mean ringing the doorbell 30 times? It's a 3-bedroom apartment... if I don't get to you after four rings, I'm either not home, having sex or dead! And the telephone... a gaijin (foreigner) will call and hang-up after seven rings or so... a Nihonjin (Japanese person) will let it ring 20 or 30 times. Granted, they are correct - I am home, but maybe I don't want to be bothered. When I do get calls I ignore, it's because I am sick or boinking a woman—two excellent reasons not to answer the door or telephone. I've never been sick of boinking a woman, though with Kristine here the last few days, I was actually to sick to boink.

Man... I had it all planned out! Right to when she left for home, I had Ashley back. Stupid ice cubes.

The dysentery is taking its toll. I feel lighter, but not skinnier. My stomach is puffing out. I could be a poster boy for starving kids.

I sit and watch videos late into the night while feeling sorry for myself.

Twenty years later, I would just say to 1991 Andrew... "You idiot! You're in Japan!  You've had more sex in 13 months than some people have in a lifetime! Plus a three-way! Plus sex with a stalker! Do you know who has sex with a stalker? A man does! Men are idiots. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and enjoy the day! You're in Japan and the opportunity may never come your way again!"

Of course, my yelling at 1991 Andrew doesn't change the fact that he still has some growing up to do.

It's Thursday, August 22, 1991.

I get up and do some of my puzzle of The Tower of Babel... a 5000 piece one that is being more difficult to do than the one I did of the Universe (all black with little white splotches for stars).

I wish someone would call. You'll notice I don't call anyone. Idiot.

Teh pills Kristine gave me a couple of days ago are only partially working. That means they aren't. As such, I threaten myself into going into work and ask to be taken in to a doctor. But I don't. It's not just a Japanese doctor thing. I never like doctors - period.

"Well, Andrew... what seems to be wrong?
"I don't know. Isn't that your job?"

Here with a language barrier, it's worse. Not only do doctors smoke in hospitals - what is this the 1950s? - but every medicine I have ever received from a hospital comes in a waxy envelope the size of a disposable razor blade... do people in 2011 still know what a disposable razor blade is? HERE.

No one calls, and I don't call anyone. It's literally the first time since arriving in Japan that I don't talk to another human being. I did yell at the dog across the street to shut up - I even yelled it in Japanese! - but he ignored me.

And what about Ashley? Is she still jetlagged? Doesn't she want to see me? What about thanking me for the food? It's okay... Y10,000 (Cdn/US $100) of food is no big deal. That was sarcasm. How do you write sarcasm in print? Italics?

Somewhere with too much time on my hands,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Beatles: I told you I could do them for every mood!: NOZZZZZZZ

Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me & My Monkey

It's not all about the sex. It's just mostly about the sex. This blog is mostly about the part that is not about the part that is mostly about sex. I get it, even if I'm not getting it today.

It's Saturday, August 17, 1991. I'm living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. My mom has come to visit from Toronto. Karen, who is newly arrived in Japan  (three weeks), wants to be my friend before we embark on sex.

She and I are assistant English teachers on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. I'm on my second year here. I've also just come off a break-up with my girlfriend Ashley of Augusta, Georgia, and subsequent friends-with-benefits equation. It's sex without the hang-ups of ... well, everything.

I recently returned from Thailand where I was lucky enough to have become the boy toy for two hot-hot-hot Thai women who are 21, work at the hotel I stayed at, and were cool with me dating the other girl. Dating should have been in "quotes". My last night there involved a Thai sandwich, that was both filling and satisfying, but has left me wanting more... and that doesn't seem to be something I can pick-up here in Japan. But... never say die.

And here's Karen who wants to slow thing down so that we can have a relationship before we have sex. She obviously doesn't know who the heck she is dealing with. 

My mom and Karen went to the famed historical city of Nikko together yesterday. Nikko is famous for its "Three Wise Monkeys"... you know the ones: "Hear No Evil; See No Evil; Speak No Evil".

There should be a fourth one: "Touch No Evil, with the monkey grabbing his groin area. Matthew actually got me a statuette of the Four Wise Monkeys... and I'll be damned if I know where it is. Probably got taken out in the house fire a few years back.

Karen rather than going back to her apartment two towns south when the trip was over, came back to my place. She and my mom talked. I think I just touched myself while remembering Thailand.

Anyhow... at 8:30AM, Karen comes bounding into my room and jumps atop me, puts her arms around me, kisses me good morning, waiting until something pops up between us before hopping off. Damn... now more monkey business for me later.

She wants me to get up and fix her some tea and toast. I'm exhausted both physically and mentally. I haven't been alone in weeks and I've had dysentery.

By this time, my mom is up and sees Karen following out of my bedroom, arches an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything. I don't even bother trying to correct her mistake, as she already thinks I slept with all of the female staff at our hotel in Thailand, and that I probably got the stewardesses pregnant on our return flight home.

Why tell my mom she's wrong? besides, she knows that even if I was doing what she suspects I am doing, that I would be smart enough to use all of the condoms she sent me.

I am.. but if the past week in Thailand has taught me anything, one can never have enough boxes of condoms.

Because  I seem to have misplaced my bicycle key (to unlock it), I call up my boss, Kanemaru-san, at the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE). He comes over, and I introduce him to everyone. He raises an eye at Karen and then looks at me... like 'what the hell are you doing?!' I shrug my shoulders back at him as if to ask 'What the hell am I doing?!' We then take my bicycle over to one of the 347 bicycle repair shops that are apparently all located on a single laneway called Bicycle Repairshop Street.

I'm making that up, but it's not really that outlandish. I just have no idea what any of the streets are, as there are no street signs denoting it.

We leave my bike there - as they will apparently either create a new key or put a new lock on, and then drop it  off at my place tomorrow. 

Back at my apartment one hour later, Karen and my mom are sewing pillow cases for my sofa. You've got to be kidding me? It's almost the last straw. If it wasn't for Karen's awesome sweater puppets, I would've blown a seal... and then got angry when the seal wouldn't call me the next day.

I hate this! I appreciate the gesture, but I don't want to feel obligated to anyone I'm trying to boink.

I head out onto my western balcony for some fresh air, and to read Sherlock Holmes, as Karen, my mom, and now local girl (and only friend) Naoko plot out the details of my mom's trip out to the western part of Japan. Holy crap... my mom is going to see more of Japan than I ever will!

Why am I not going with her? Oh yeah... I'm 'busy' and have no money.

Karen wants to go with my mom (please god, no), but I don't think she realizes just how expensive it really is.

At 4PM, I take a bicycle trip out to Ashley's place to water her plants while she is away in the U.S. No, my bicycle is not yet back, however, I borrowed Ashley's bicycle for Karen to ride a few days ago... lucky... so at least I have something  - a girl's bike - to make the 20-minute trip (by bike) to Nishinasuno-machi (Nishinasuno Town).

Of course, pretty much every single one of my students in seven junior high schools happens to be out that afternoon, and sees me riding a girl's bicycle. Most laugh their head off, while others gasp as they know it's Ashley-sensei (Ashley teacher's) bike - and what happened to her.

The all-seeing Eye of Agamotto, which sees all and knows all, only watches my life. Perhaps it's because Ashley lives in Nishinasuno (northwest of Ohtawara), that people don't seem to know much about her life... or perhaps it's because she doesn't tell everybody everything. Whatever... she told me, so therefore, everyone should already know everything about her!

You know... I warned Ashley many, many, many times to never make a writer angry.  See? I told you not to make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry (or apparently when I'm not angry).

Unlike my friend John who left my fridge empty for me when I came back from Thailand, I restock Ashley's fridge with some bare necessities, as she is returning on Tuesday.

Back home, my mom's reservations for tomorrow's Shinkansen train ride out west, and for her hotels... they are all set. Karen has indeed found the financial waters at tad too deep and has correctly decided to get out.

Naoko drives Karen to the train station so she can go back to Yaita-shi. That leaves just me and my mom... and she's in the bedroom packing for tomorrow. I enjoy the quiet for exactly 30 minutes... that's when John arrives back at my place.

I make him, Naoko and my mom a super hot chili dinner. It makes them all sweat, but at least no one bitches about the heat. I don't eat because I know the food won't stay in me. One, if you'll pardon the pun, solid week of dysentery.

John's trip to Fuji-san was a partial success. He apparently got down to Tokyo without a hitch, but then got on another train that went east instead of west. By the time he discovered the mistake and actually got to Mt. Fuji (I don't believe it actually exists), there were no buses going up to Level 5 (a place where most people actually start the climb so as to not tire themselves out too much when trying to reach the summit. 

So... he either had six-hour hike or the option of a taxi. He took the taxi. I don't blame him... but how much did that cost?! The cab driver gave him a walking stick with all of the levels he would have physically climbed if he hadn't taken a car. The stick, actually contained a few more levels and had a stamp for the peak.

Still, John made it all the way up to Level 8 - and then crashed. He awoke cold and hungry, but did get some really good pictures. That's what he said. I never actually saw the photos... more proof that there is no actual Mt. Fuji. You can read my explanation for this HERE.

Anyhow... everybody loved my chili... especially my mom, who had no idea that I could cook. I can't. This was pretty much the only thing I can make.

after John packed and got ready for his flight back home tomorrow, he and went out for four beers apiece at the 4C bar. We run into another local gaijin (foreigner), Kevin... and both he and John chide me for being too quiet. Hell... I'm sick. And tired.

Am I loud enough for you boys now?

Somewhere touching my monkey,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Beatles: COMEON 
PS: I was actually quite impressed with John for trying to climb this imaginary mountain. He did good.
PPS: The image above is NOT the one Matthew gave me... his was a white plastic and maybe about 4 inches high per monkey. I can still picture it perfectly.

Where No Man Has Gone Before

It's Friday, August 16, 1991... I'm up at 8AM and feeling sick from dysentery--I can't stop going to the toilet! I'm living in the small city of Ohtawara, Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan... and have just started my second year here.

My mom is visiting from Toronto, as is my friend, John. I haven't had much time to myself--and that's something I think I really desire... even if its for a couple of hours alone every night, just to get my thoughts in order so that I can survive another day. I'm not depressed or anything... at least not clinically... I just need space. Star Trek got it right. Space is the final frontier.

I'm here in Japan to seek out a new life (for myself), a new world, and a new civilization. To boldly go (or to be grammatically correct), to go boldly where no gaijin (foreigner/outsider) has gone before. Trouble is... I don't feel like Captain Kirk in charge of my own spaceship. I feel more like that poor sucker in the red suit who knows he's going to die when beamed down onto a new alien planet.

That's what dysentery feels like. Plus my butt hurts from the lousy thin toilet paper here in Japan. I try to buy the two- or three-ply stuff, but it just seems too thin! When will someone invent toilet paper extra thick in the middle so your thumb doesn't break through and get crap all over it?!

Ahhh, but I digress.

I'm too sick to go with my mom, Karen (the girl who would be my girlfriend), Naoko (the girl my mom wants to play matchmaker with having met plenty of eligible bachelors on her sojourns around Japan) and Mr. Suzuki (the president of the Ohtawara International Friendship Association).

John leaves at noon to go and climb Mt. Fuji (Fuji-san). I still think that is a waste of time. I don't believe it exists. I've traveled by it five or six times and have never seen it. I've also climbed nearby Mt. Nasu (Nasu Yama) and used the telescope to supposedly view Mt. Fuji... and every single time there is some sort of weather thing obscuring what the Japanese say is Mt. Fuji. Fog. Clouds. Rain. Snow. Godzilla. It's just never been visible for me.

As John leaves, I get up out of bed  - free at last!!! - and fix myself up. Kanemaru-san (Mr. Kanemaru), my boss at the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) calls and asks me to come to work in the afternoon, as there is some heavy busines they need to discuss with me.

I'm on vacation, but what the heck. It's only a five minute bicycle ride away from where I live at 307 Zuiko Haitsu in downtown Ohtawara. It's the tallest building in the City, and is also supposed to be the most luxurious. I don't know about that, but my apartment certainly is large... three bedrooms, LDK, full bathroom, washer/dryer, and a pair of balconies... one to the west and one to the north. The north is lived in by Mothra-sized spiders that come out as it gets dark. Ick. I hate spiders.

So... at the OBOE, the earth-shattering work they need from me, is to hanko (sign) a single document. That's it. Whatever. I know it couldn't wait, and it's not like I was doing anything important. At least they all know I'm sick, as I have always told everyone exactly how I am.
"Kyo-wa, ogenki desuka? (Today, how are you?)"
"Ma-ma desu (So-so)."

Then the dictionaries come out and everyone determines what's wrong with me. Trust me... in this country where you don't know the language, system or anything, it's best not to keep too many secrets. Not like I can anyway. There is some sort of grave vine network in place in Ohtawara that lets the populace know where I am and with whom; what I am wearing, eating, drinking, purchasing or whatever.

I know this sounds stupid, considering I like being alone sometimes, but it's nice that the whole city seems to have taken a shine to me, and seems to be looking out for my best interests when it's obvious I don't do that for myself, what with being a recently deflowered virgin and current idiot.

At 6PM, my mom arrives back from Nikko... oh, and look who she brought back with her... Karen.

Karen and my mom are best buddies now, and enjoy the camaraderie. Me... I love my mom, but even back in Toronto, I sat alone in my room in the basement and watched Star Trek by myself (see THIS video).

Karen wants to spend the night. Schmoozing with my mom. They chat until 11PM when my mom finally packs it in.

Karen, with her head in my lap wants to know if I expect anything tonight. She says she'd like to be my friend first.

So, who the heck said anything otherwise? I just want sex. Not with my mom in the place, of course. My apartment is big - just not that big!

Karen says that sex can wait until later.

What? I have not said anything about sex... but there are certain expectations. I just nod my head and say okay. I certainly wasn't expecting her this evening, and I wasn't expecting anything tonight. I do have dysentery, afterall.
 
Karen sleeps in the living room on my couch. My mom is in my room on my queen-sized bed, and I'm sleeping in John's room, which is a bloody mess.

Somewhere beyond my rim of the star-light,
Andrew Joseph
Blog title is by Alexander Courage who wrote the theme song to Star Trek: WARPFACTOR.
Here are the original words to the song that were not used - written by show creator Gene Roddenberry. Sorry Gene... it sucks.



Beyond
The rim of the star-light
My love
Is wand'ring in star-flight
I know
He'll find in star-clustered reaches
Love,
Strange love a star woman teaches.
I know
His journey ends never
His star trek
Will go on forever.
But tell him
While he wanders his starry sea
Remember, remember me.

Lightning Storm

It's Wednesday, July 24, 1991 and I'm living in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. My friend-with-benefits (and ex-girlfriend) Ashley has gone back to the U.S. for  a short vacation... perhaps to recharge her batteries for yet another year with me.
I'm a tad shell-shocked, too. Since arriving from Toronto about one year ago, I've gone through so much strife - and all of it woman-related... some if it my doing, most of it not.
Now I'm on my own.
Sort of.
I have plenty of friend here in Japan. I know, shocking.
I'm up topday at 9AM. I watch some Japanese television and have no clue what anyone is saying.
The Japanese love samurai dramas. It's akin to U.S. westerns... which despite a relatively short shelf life of maybe 100 years, it spawned 20 years worth of tv shows.... but Japan... the samurai (for more on who and what they are, read THIS), they were a phenomenon for about 250 years in real life... and have been a mainstay of Japanese television or over 50 years.
After lunch I drop by the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office (my bosses) and do some more work for the newcomers arriving in Japan next week.
Tomorrow... and this time I mean it... I'm on vacation.
It's like I've been on vacation for over a week, but I just can't stop and totally relax. It's fine. My goal is to learn something new everyday in Japan. If I haven't, I've wasted the day. I haven't wasted a day here yet.
After finishing up some photocopying of documents, I go grocery shopping and clean up my apartment. Then I go to the back doctor to get rid of all of the pains... I've been seeing great results since I began going here a couple of months ago.
Because there's a lightning storm a-coming, kyudo (Japanese archery) is canceled tonight.... what with the metal arrows and stuff. It was actually canceled DURING my practice. I was holding my arrow, readying my release when a lightning bolt struck a recently fired arrow some 60 meters away.
Deafening, yes but it scared the heck out of me. I didn't yell or scream or anything, but I did quickly drop my arrow from my grip.
Kanemaru-san, one of my two bosses at OBOE and my kyudo-sensei (archery teacher) and good friend... he drives me home and then provides me with some presents.
I have no idea why I'm receiving presents NOW... but it is fast approaching my one-year anniversary here in Japan... and I am going away on a trip soon... or perhaps he just wants to offer me something nice. Why ask why, right?
The presents include: a talisman to ward off evil, and from his 5-year-old son Tomohiro a fugu puffer fish. (Both unfortunately were lost in a house fire I had four+ years ago...).
Kanemaru-san then drives me over to Iseya grocery/department store (where I was earlier today) and then shows me where to buy some spider spray.
I keep whining about all of the spiders on my balcony but keep forgetting to buy some spider spray!
As we arrive back home, the thunder and lightning show is over--Mother Nature has the most awesome television shows.
I head out and rent some videos, including Stephen King's "It". I then step out onto my northern balcony (I also have a western one... not to be confused with a samurai one) and spray the heck out of the 100+ spiders that descent from the ceiling.
I hate spiders.
Matthew comes over and we watch 1/2 of It together. When he leaves, I watch the rest and then some television, flipping channels. Secretly, I enjoy the murder show the best, as I am able to walk out onto my northern balcony at night for the first time ever... and watch the lightning storm flash off in the distance where the mountains are... I can feel the tiny hairs stand up on the back of my neck and I can smell ozone.
And I feel... electric

Somewhere watching reality television,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Flogging Molly: KRACKADOOM!
PS: I really miss that talisman to ward off evil spirits... I sure could have used it these past four+ years...
PPS: Waiting for something to happen? Me too. Don't worry... tomorrow Matthew and I do something fun... I'll combine a few days and then get to the crazy time in my life where I wish I could... well, we should all just wait for that... 

Straight Shooter

It's Wednesday, July 17, 1991. Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

I'm especially tired today after last night's activities with Ashley, my ex-girlfriend with benefits.

While I don't have to go into work today, I do anyways, which surprises everyone at the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) who seems to love my eagerness. I was told yesterday that I have 15 vacation days left and that I should use them immediately, but they re shocked that I would still come into work today.

To be honest, I have some JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme stuff to take care of. I'm preparing some welcome material for the new JET members who will be arriving in Japan at the end of the month. Even if I wasn't a part of the Tochigi-ken welcoming committee, I would have done something like this anyways... don't think I'm such a great guy or anything... my thoughts were it would be easier to meet the new women this way... this way I can be especially helpful, and have them follow me around while I flirt and hit on them with all of my sexual prowess.

For the new women here, I figure they will be lost. Lost because all of the new guys will be looking for Japanese women. That leaves me free to work my magic.

Work is still boring despite my plans for future sex.

After work, I go to kyudo (Japanese archery) with Kanemaru-san (one of my two bosses at the OBOE) and actually shoot at the real target. The larger target used by the junior level archers is missing (??) so I use the smaller real target the more experienced archers use. I also shoot from the proper distance of 60 meters. It's freaking tiny!

I come close a few times, but don't actually hit the target. My elbow and shoulder seems to have healed (I was hit by a car on two separate occasions while riding my bicycle) I actually have strength enough to pull the bowstring back  as far as possible and then hold it for 20 seconds while I correct my breathing before releasing it. It's all very zen.

The biggest problem I'm having with kyudo right now is that when I try to track the target to focus, my eyesight sees double. It's my astigmatism, which has been bad these past couple of months when I look at objects far away.

Still, because I shot at the real target tonight, I'm very excited.

I want to call up Ashley and tell her, but I don't really want her to know for some reason. Maybe it's because I want to catch up to her skill level and surpass her first.

As well... even though we are not back having sex, I don't really want her around. I guess I want my space, too.

Somewhere pulling a rabbit out of my hat,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Mamas And The Papas : CASS 

Lost Woman

It's Thursday, July 16, 1991. I'm an assistant English (AET) teacher on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) in Japan.
It's raining. The alarm goes off at 7:05AM but I don't emerge from my bedroom until 7:30AM. I'm exhausted. It can't be physical. It must be emotional or mental.
I decide to walk to work - why have rain splash up from the rear back tire and hit me on the bum?
My boss, Hanazaki-san, at the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) tells me: "And-ryu- sensei (Andrew teacher), You have many, many holidays. Please take them.
No problem on my part, but I tell him I think I have about five days left. He corrects me saying its 15. Wow. That's a lot.
So... starting tomorrow, I'm on holiday.
Also... the month of August is a total holiday. All paid!! Yay! There is no school in August... Japanese students get one month's summer holidays (In Canada and the U.S., it's two months--three if you are in elementary school).
I have an AET meeting for JET representatives today down in Utsunomiya-shi (Utsunomiya City - the capital of Tochigi-ken)--because I'm the Editor of The Tatami Times newsletter, I have to participate. Apparently the Tochigi-ken JET has gone into the toilet in a the past few months after a new president was elected--Susan St. Cyr.
My other boss, Kanemaru-san, will drive down there and hopefully he'll be able to stop off and see his daughter there in university... I wonder if she knows my stalker, psycho-chick hotstuff ex-girlfriend Junko? It's such a small world, that I bet they are best friends.
I need to find out at this meeting if I can still be the Editor of the newsletter and not be an JET member... if not, I'll probably relinquish the position.
Arriving in Utsunomiya on time at 3:30--thanks to Kanemaru-san--I head over to the meeting place... but no one shows up. I am so pissed off.
I hang around until 4:30PM and then head home.
I call a few other AETs and find out that Susan had canceled the meeting because her office wouldn't give her the day off. She knew this before! Why wasn't I informed?! I am so ticked off! Women!!!
Trying to relax, I wonder if Ashley will come over tonight. She has another enkai (party) tonight.
She does come over, of course. Drunk and horny. And I'm completely sober.
We give each other massages and then I jump her and we go at it like a mongoose and a cobra snake, except instead of death, we are entangled in sex.
At 2AM, we ride our bicycles back to her place--to make sure she gets home safely. She needs to have different clothes for work tomorrow, after all.
She's a little wobbly on her bicycle... either from the enkai or from me.

Somewhere feeling a bit more relaxed,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by the James Gang: RIFF

You're My Best Friend

Wednesday, July 10, 1991.
I'm in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. I have just spent yesterday evening attempting to seduce my ex-girlfriend Ashley. Aside from my breath smelling like her feet, all I got was a quick peck on the lips. I thought it was going to happen—she had even showed up at my apartment, drunk out of her mind... but nope, it just wasn't meant to be.
I am dead on my feet today after about three hours of restless sleep—trying to figure out what I have to do to get her to sleep with me. I had previously floated around the idea that even she didn't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend, we should be friends with benefits.
Now I'm unsure WHEN that term came about, but I was using it 20 years ago when trying to convince her of this crazy scheme... I figured, why not? She trusted me already... and I was good at what I was doing—so why not enjoy the benefits. I was pretty sure that was all I wanted a girlfriend for anyway!
I think.
At Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School) I have three classes to team-teach with a Japanese teacher of English. We play games and have fun and hopefully it encourages them to want to learn more.
I see the music teacher here—she's a few years older than me (maybe 46 to my 26?) with very white skin, and she's very attractive in a 'cougar'/Summer of '42 sort of way. We're friends, but I'd like the benefit of the doubt that she likes me in a Mrs. Robinson way that will make me graduate to older women.
Whew! That was a log of cunning lingo in that last paragraph.
I spend my lunch hour chasing the kids around the classroom having fun, but it is 28 Celsius and I do get quite hot and sweaty.  
I'm home from school at 3:30PM because the teachers have a meeting, so I head over to my back doctor early. Inside, I find him asleep on a table, so I leave him alone for another 10 minutes, before purposely making some noise to let him know that there is some one out in the waiting room (me).
Having electrical stimuli on my neck and back loosens up the muscles making my joints easier to manipulate back into place. It feels good.
You know that crap that chiropractor's all over the world tell you when you ask how often you should see them: three times a week (for a few weeks) then twice a week; then once a week; once every two weeks and then once a month? Well... in my case it was excellent advice, because it worked. I used to have terrible back pain upon arriving in Japan—and even wore a velcro corset to hold myself more erect— and now I don't because I have no  more pain. Pure and simple. 
I go home and clean up a bit and wait for one of my two bosses from the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education)—Kanemaru-san to arrive for the chili dinner I was cooking for him.
When he comes we have a couple of beers, watch some sumo on television and then go for my kyudo (Japanese archery) lesson. I am just awful today. Forget about hitting a target, I can't even hit a non-target.
I'm unable to pull my elbow back far enough to get enough power on the shot, so everything is low.
My first practice shot I go completely wild from eight-feet out.
My second shot nearly takes my own face off—never stick your head through the bow.
But I do get a bit better; enough for Kanemaru-san to suggest I try shooting at the real target some 60 meters away. But, since the big target is broken, I shoot at a smaller one from the same long distance. I can barely see it thanks to my astigmatism, but I know it's down there.
My first shot goes into the grass.
My second shot isn't much better.
My third shot almost makes it down to the target.
My fourth shot—I missed it by a couple of centimeters! I was just a tad too low.
Every time I shoot, though, I see two targets. My eyes are really bothering me today—lack of sleep I hope.
My next two shots hit the target... just not mine.
On the plus side, I didn't kill anyone.
After we're done, Kanemaru-san and I head back to my place to eat dinner. While it's heating up, we each polish off two more beers causing him to go downstairs to get six more. 
We feast! I think it's pretty good, but he does say I can make it a little hotter for him next time. Great! I did dumb it down on the heat level because I wasn't sure if he could take it or not. As well, he says he will take me to a curry house on Friday to burn my "innards out for good." I swear that's what his Japanese-English dictionary translated for us word by word.

How strange this all is.
When I first arrived in Japan, I thought Kanemaru-san was cold and distant and that he didn't like me.. and on, no... I had to spend a year here? I didn't know it was because he couldn't speak English.
Now... he's one of my best friends here. We can communicate!

How strange this all is.
When nowadays I have to try and seduce Ashley via alcohol to make her amorous towards me.

Life is good.
Life sucks.

Matthew and his girlfriend Takako come over with his cute red-headed sister Krystina who's over from the U.S. visiting. They take an extra futon and some bedding material. I wonder if they knew I was wasted.

Oh... and farmer Suzuki Tokunori (family name first) at who's party I was at on Sunday, he comes over and drops off a National Geographic magazine for me and a video tape of the 1991 All Star baseball game that was held in my hometown of Toronto.

It's weird how some days I just can't believe I'm in Japan.

Somewhere wondering how the heck Kanemaru-san drove home,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by: Queen: BENEFITS

PS: Okay... he didn't drive home drunk. He called his wife (they live maybe 30 minutes away) and she came and dragged his drunk butt home.

The Bad Touch

Sorry for being late - the blog site was not letting ANYONE add new copy for some 20 hours. 

It's Tuesday, July 9, 1991. Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.
I'm at Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School) and I can't believe I'm here.
Sure, I can't believe I'm actually living in Japan, but to be back teaching today especially after my OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) office told me to take the week off.
I explained that since I'd be going on vacation next week, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with the kids. The fact that this week I was at Nozaki, made it more palpable, as these kids were always the nicest to me. And I did sleep with the girl's Physical Education teacher here, too. 
So... I volunteered to go in to work this week.
I must be even more insane than previously diagnosed.
In the past month or so, I've gone through a break-up with my cute girlfriend Ashley, had a week-long fling with a university student interning at another school who then decided to stalk me for a couple of weeks... and despite her looking like a model—and us have some awesome sex several several times a day (yes, I wrote the word 'several' twice), it was starting to affect me—what with no sleep and all. Besides... I was trying to re-woo Ashley back... slowly but surely.
To top it off, Shoko, a young, shy local foxy lady was also interested me, and I in her. I also slept with and made out with a few other women - in short, I was a pig. A man, to be sure. But a pig, nonetheless.
At school, I have four classes in a row, and am dead tired.
One of the classes has a new girl—a tiny, little thing who lived in Mexico City and San Diego, California for six years. While she is of Japanese descent, I can tell she's going to hate it here—what with all of the different social rules to learn. Poor kid.
My fourth class of the day is a self-introduction session with a first-year (Grade 7) class. I missed them during my previous visit. Because I was unprepared for this, I didn't have photos or other props, so it's just me talking and them listening... until the end when they ask me questions. Stunned. I'm totally shocked and stunned and not less than a little amazed. Some even asked in English! I answer everything! It's fun, they are polite, and I have 30 more new friends!
After lunch, Oyamada-sensei decides we should go for a drive. So we do... to a Tochigi-ken park in Yaita-shi called Terayama Koen. It's beautiful, and drizzling rain, of course. I also don't have a camera to take photos of those beautiful area.
There's an animal sanctuary there, and we see a Black Kite, Raccoon Dog, Ural Owl, Northern Goshawk and some Aleutian Canada Geese. I've never seen any of these particular creatures before.
Despite being excited, I'm also a bit sad as these creatures are in—in my own opinion—shoddy surroundings. There's little fresh air inside. The area they live in is old. It smells. It's cramped. And there are bugs all over the place and on the creatures.
Ah... but then why should the animals live better than the average Japanese person. That's a joke. Sort of.
We then tour a museum full of stuffed creatures that lived in Japan—bears, mountain goats, wild boars—I say lived (past tense, because while the species exist still in Japan, these ones are dead and stuffed. It's all amazing, though.
Aside from some Japanese snow monkeys, crows, frogs, a mouse or two, dogs, cats and fish, I've not seen many animals I wouldn't have seen anywhere else in the world. It's amazing. I'm glad their timely death has brought me some measure of pleasure.
We then travel to a campsite where apparently Oyamada-sensei and some first-year students will camp five to a tent in August for a few days—as part of a class bonding project.
What a wonderfully strange day so far. Can it get any better?
I arrive back at my apartment at 5:30PM, eat a steak—a steak can cost a lot of money here, but what the heck else am I going to do with all of my money? Save it? I'd rather live while I'm over here! It's a Kobe steak marbled with fat!
After I chop up some vegetables for a dinner here tomorrow with my boss, friend and kyudo (Japanese archery) teacher (sensei) Kanemaru-san, I settle down to watch a few videos.
The doorbell rings.
It's Ashley. Fresh from an enkai (party), she's leaning against the door frame in all her drunken glory. She was unexpected, and says she doesn't think she can safely ride her bicycle home (though she did ride to my place), and can she stay a while?
"Sure," I say eagerly. (It appears as though she trusts me).
Getting Ashley drunk was part of my seduction plan... and since she's already saved me considerable sums of money by coming here already hammered, the greasy wheels in my head begin turning.
I ask for an receive a neck massage—for 40 minutes—while we watch some videos I have and she drinks some Coke to try and sober up. While she massages me, I massage her feet—ripping off her socks to play with her toes.
I then give her a massage. Since she's totally into it, I make my move and kiss her neck. She must have remembered that we were no longer bf/gf (boyfriend/girlfriend) and stiffened up. Dammit! I need more booze! Stat!
Back up on the couch, I grab her legs and put them up on my lap. No problem. I massage her feet and toes. No problem. I lick her toes and glance up shyly at her face. She's staring straight ahead at the television. No problem. But after repeated licks and kisses there, I notice she has her eyes rolled back into head.
Sure it could have been the booze and she had passed out, but I like to think she was enjoying it.
She moaned in pleasure.
See? I told you she was enjoying it.
Just to make sure she wasn't moaning in drunken agony, I asked her if she enjoyed what I was doing.
"Yes."
Do you want me to stop?
"You can keep going if you want to."
So I do. She must have enjoyed it because she stuck around until 2AM with me doing more of the same.
As she got up to leave, I ask for a kiss.
She does, but it's just a peck on the lips.
That's bloody strange. After what I was doing to her feet and toes? I get a peck on the lips? Does my breath smell of feet?
When she leaves, I finish cooking the chili for tomorrow nights dinner and then go to bed getting only three hours sleep.
Oh... the damn phone kept ringing while I was making the moves on Ashley. It was Matthew two times, his girlfriend Takako twice, and MariAnn once... bastards. I have to take the phone calls, because as far as Ashey is concerned, I'm not doing anything sexual. Well, not yet, I suppose.
Takako tells me of an upcoming party that I should take Shoko to. Thanks Takako. I'm trying to figure out how to schtupp Ashley and now I have to date Shoko. Not that this is a bad thing! Oh... and today, my mom sent me over several several boxes of condoms (yes, I wrote the word 'several' twice).

Somewhere the groundwork is being laid by,
Andrew Joseph 
Today's blog title is by The Bloodhound Gang: AOOWOOOOO!

Laugh, Laugh

(Dictionary: 'san' means: Mister, Monsieur, Miss, Mrs or even Ms. 'sensei' means teacher.) 
I don't want to get up today even though I've set the alarm a half-hour later than usual. Still, I don't leave my bed for another 30 minutes.
It's Friday, July 5, 1991 and I feel emotionally tired. The Junko saga has really wiped me out.
How can I even tell anyone what's gone on? It's going to be 20 years before I'll feel comfortable enough to talk about this with anyone.
Still... when I go into the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) office for my 'office day', everyone treats me likes it's just another day and that they are super glad to see me again. I like that.
Kanemaru-san comes over quickly with his Japanese-English dictionary in hand which prompts to automatically reach for my English-Japanese dictionary. But either he's been practicing English with someone else, or I'm a better English teacher than I realized.
"An-do-ryu sensei want to go to (pause to look up a word) individual kyudo contesto on July 19?"
In two weeks? I choke on some phlegm and laugh because I'm still not good enough. I still haven't hit a target and I need to practice a lot more. Still, my laugh feels good and real. Aside from laughing maniacally to myself at all of the great sex I had been having with Junko, I haven't laughed much in a couple of months. Actually, since I had been having frequent sex with Junko, I guess I had been laughing often.
Hanazaki-san talks to me in English knowing that no one else in the office will understand us.
"An-do-ryu sensei... we took Junko back to her mother's house in Utsunomiya. She told us that you are in love with her and that you made her drop out of university because you said you would marry her."
I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing. Actually, I did yell: "She's lying!" and slammed my hand on the desk in front of me."
To their credit, no one looked shocked. In fact... no one looked up from their desk. Crap. They all know what's going on. They just don't want to embarrass me.
Hanazaki-san continued: "Yes. We know. We realized there was something wrong with her on her first day at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) - that was the day you first met."
We did meet that day - she was a university student on a one-week internship at this school, one of seven I teach at here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken (Ohtawara City, Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.
"How did you know?" I asked slowly.
"At school lunch that day, we know that miso soup was one of the dishes. According to our sources, Junko said she didn't want to use Japanese chopsticks and instead asked for a spoon. Now that's crazy."
I looked at him for about six seconds, opened my mouth to say something. Closed it and then looked at the twinkle in Hanazaki-san's eyes.
"Jodan! (Joke!)," I screamed and laughed in a roar.
And the whole damn OBOE office began laughing with me.

I'll continue this day in another blog. It involves me being followed by a Japanese woman and sleeping with another woman.

Somewhere I love my board of education office,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is inspired by the Beau Brummels: HAHA. The group is American - which surprised me. The song was produced by Sylvester Stewart, who would later grown into mega-fame as Sly Stone: you know, of Sly & The Family Stone back in the 1960s??! Huh? Huh? Ahhh forget it. I must be old.

Obsession

It's Wednesday, July 2, 1991.
Junko remains my dirty little secret.
She spent the night. We don't sleep. She's either quit university or she's taken an unscheduled break to stalk me. Are you supposed to sleep with someone who stalks you?
Apparently you do if they look like Junko - I still haven't had time to take a photograph of her, as we tend to get right down to business as soon as she enters my apartment. I notice stuff like that.
Anyhow... here's are the particulars: She's 21 years-old, a Cancer (no kidding - a perfect match for me the Scorpio!), AB Negative blood like myself, 5'-4" and slender, but has curves in all the right places, and at about 110-pounds - even I can pick her up. She's a B-cup, but honestly, I've never cared about that. She's very smart, has a good sense of humour, is a sharp, stylish dresser without looking like a freak in a fashion show... in short, she's the type of woman any heterosexual guy is going to stop and eye-hump, and every woman is going to either admire or hate.
Me? I'm sure if anyone ever saw me with her they would be wondering if I'm hung like a pony or if I'm rich.
Since I'm neither - I'm not rich and I'm not poor - and like most people wish I had more - she must be into me for my semi-dazzling looks and fantastic sense of humour. I can often come across as being the John Holmes of wit.... which doesn't explain why all we do is have sex... but I do have a very large wit.
Hee-hee! Sometimes I can't believe my luck. Here's this gorgeous university student chasing after me. Her English is superb, and she's beautiful. I know, I said that... but it bears repeating.
She's just what I need after spending a frustrating night with Ashley. Frustrating because there was no sex involved with my ex-girlfriend.... which considering Junko seems to know where I am and with whom, it was probably a good thing that nothing happened between Ashley and myself last night.
Cripes! Can you imagine?! Junko probably would have swooped in and beat the crap out of her with a kendo stick (wooden Japanese fencing sword). She's like a ninja - always where you least expect her, ready to pounce. Except... Junko and I broke up because she was going back to school.
Of course... I broke up with Ashley, but that didn't seem to matter until she broke up with me three days later.
Do I dare wait until Junko breaks up with me? 

So... do I stick with someone who is a jealous sexual psychopath or try and get back with Ashley who only likes me as a friend right now? Or simply go it alone? There's always Kristine 500 kilometres away... but as much as I adore her, I'd rather not just have sex - I want a relationship!
Anyhow... the answer is obvious - the sexual psychopath. I really, really, really enjoy the sex. Okay, forget that part about my reasons for not seeing Kristine. I'm really pretty much a horn dog.
Convenience over sanity seems to be my mantra.

However... despite the fringe benefits of being with Junko in a very draining relationship, I do worry that this girl may be throwing away her entire life for me. Sex is fine, but we've not been out together further than the walls of my apartment here in Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.
Surely a woman this gorgeous, sexual and sexually-active has had other boyfriends? I wonder where she dumped the bodies?
Unless, I'm the only one she's ever been like this to? My ego says that's the case, but I have a bad habit of being rational (I know, I know), and realize this 'relationship' is going to be a problem.
For one thing, I don't sleep any more. That's going to affect my work, not to mention my ability to manufacture semen. Probably not, but the work thing is important.
While it's true my reason for life was to get laid - and Japan fulfilled that... but I've discovered there is more to life than that, and I'm afraid Junko is not going to let me experience anything outside of my apartment... although we are up to Page 47 of the Kama Sutra.
I need to figure out what to do. Eventually...
Junko dehydrates me. Which is both good and bad and leaves at 7:45AM.
I have 15 minutes to dress and get to Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) by 8AM - a fortunate 10 minute bicycle ride away.
It seems that no matter how much cologne I put on, I still smell Junko. Combine that with my permanent-grin, people are going to know what I've up to.
It's chilly today, but there's never enough wind to blow away the smell of sex, is there?
I don't have many classes to teach - just two - and are both with Shibata-sensei - so the classes are fun. I do three crosswords in 30 minutes between classes. Even though I washed my face when I got to school - and twice more after that, I can still smell sex. Is it on my clothes? In my nose? Maybe.  
In class, after Shibata-sensei gives the students back their results, we play Word Scramble with these third year (grade 9) students. I provide Canadian pennies as presents. Cheap yes, but none have ever seen one before, so it's a 'cool' prize for them.
Shibata-sensei quietly smiles and pats me on the back as he says: "You smell very pretty. Anyone I know?" Then he bursts out laughing, mouthing the word "Junko". I nod in pride and embarrassment.
Not surprisingly, my neck and back are killing me. Damn Kama Sutra positions #43 through #47!I go to my back doctor and then await Kanemaru-san to pick me up and take me to the Ohtawara kyudo (archery) club. I shoot like a guy who's shot a lot - tired. Junko.
I'm wearing shorts and am bitten by a lot of mosquitoes - because I am bug bait. Insects love my tasty Coca-Cola filled blood.
On the plus side, Kanemaru-san just so happens to have some anti-itching medicine that while smelly, works. I wonder if he has an anti-Junko cream - but I don't ask or tell him about Junko.
At home, I talk with MariAnn for awhile - she's feeling better about life (thank goodness). I then talk with Jeanne - a fellow JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Program teacher like MariAnn and myself and find out about some Utsunomiya-shi (City of Utsunomiya party). She's a nice, but dry, French-Canadian who lives in the same low-level apartment block as Ashley. They are both private people, so my inquiries into Ashley's business reveal nothing new - just that she seems more withdrawn than usual - if that is possible.
That's the thing about Jeanne. You think she's dry and then she drops witty and wry observations like that.
I talk on the phone with them while watching some videos from back home in Toronto and eat burned popcorn (stupid microwave).
Matthew comes over at 10PM - because that's what he does... probably figures I'm depressed and likes to check up on me. It's appreciated.
I don't tell him about Junko either, because I'm embarrassed that I'm still chasing or pining after Ashley when I have this hot Japanese babe throwing herself at me.
We watch Blade Runner and he leaves around 12AM. As usual, he brings snacks and beer and Coca-Cola. He knows me.  
Thirty seconds after he leaves, my doorbell rings. You know who it is before I do, don't you? It's Junko.
I'm going to die from dehydration and lack of sleep.

Somewhere dying with a smile on my face,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Animotion. I always loved this song for its really cool keyboards... but I never paid much attention to the lyrics until I wrote this blog. I think I am Junko's OBSESSION. I had never seen the video before!
PS:
Lyrics are below:
You are an obsession, I cannot sleep
I am a possession unopened at your feet
There is no balance, no equality
Be still I will not accept defeat

I will have you, yes I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly
I will collect you and capture you

(CHORUS)
You are an obsession, you're my obsession
Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me
[repeat]

I feed you, I drink you by day and by night
I need you, I need you by sun or candlelight
You protest, you want to leave
You say there's no alternative

Your face appears again, I see the beauty there
But I see danger, stranger beware
A circumstance in your naked dreams
Your affection is not what it seems

(CHORUS)
My fantasy has turned to madness
All my goodness has turned to badness
My need to possess you has consumed my soul
My life is trembling, I have no control

I will have you, yes I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly
I will collect you and capture you

(CHORUS [repeat to fade])

Slow Ride

It's Saturday, June 29, 1991.
I'm up at 7:30AM. It looks kind of cool outside, but I say screw it and wear shorts anyway.
Myself, Kanemaru-san (one of my two bosses from the OBOE (Ohtawara Board Of Educaction), his wife (name - no idea) and his youngest son, Tomohiro (who is skipping school - in Japan, kids go to school for a half day on Saturdays) go for a car ride to the west... to Nikko-shi (City of Nikko) in Japan. I've been living in Japan for 11 months now - and I love it despite the language, cultural barriers... but the friendliness of its inhabitants and good gaijin (foreigner) friends like Matthew, Jeff, Kristine and Ashley (my ex-girlfriend) make it a wonderful place to be. Most of the time. I have my ups and downs, but the ups far outweigh the downs - like 100 to 1.
Rather than drive to Nikko proper - the temple town, we drive up to the mountainous area.
As we approach a long bridge spanning two mountains, I see a hoist over the bridge going down into the chasm. I just know instantly that its there to pick up a dead body from the canyon below.
We don't stop, though despite our curiosity... we leave the morbid curiosity to the 20 cars that have stopped along the bridge to see the corpse. It means we have less traffic on the road, too.
About 10 minutes later we do stop on a bridge. It's apparently the highest elevated bridge in Japan. While it's only 135 metres high - it is high up in the mountains - so it has a spectacular view... at least I assume so, as there was a really good fog blocking off the sight lines.
The fog was really thick... but still, there were dragonflies everywhere - it was beautiful, but kind of sick toi hear them crunch under your shoe as we walked... that's how many of them there were.
(For some reason... in my diary I wrote: "all we needed was an earthquake".... which I assume would have meant me falling off the mountain).
We drove up another mountain and then took a left onto another plateau. we looked around. went higher. Looked at the fog. Spectacular fog! No view, but it was great fog!
Tomohiro was catching dragonflies and pulling off one wing and keeping them in his bag. Tomohiro was about 5. He's cruel, and I figure he'll make a fine banker one day.
Then we drove down, down, down! We looked for sembei (rice crackers - man, I love those!) and then went sightseeing in Nikko. We saw a row of 44 Buddhas - and a beautiful raging river.
It was very hot now and it was only lunch time.
We drove down to the capital city of Utsunomiya-shi. They visited their daughter at university there while I passed out in the car. Honestly... there's no need for her to meet the gaijin, is there?
Then we drive home.
I relax for two minutes and then get dressed to go to Takako's concert. She squeaks the clarinet twice, but looks spectacular, so who cares. Matthew is a lucky guy.
After, she Matthew and myself go to the 4C for a couple of drinks.
And because I noticed this, I'm going to write it anyway.
Takako got smashed and was pressing her body up against me. Matthew trusts me, so I earn that trust. It does make me a bit uncomfortable because I do like Takako and I am very single... but Matthew is so much my friend that I only enjoy the pressure and never think about anything else. Why can't that girl hook me up with one of her friends? Oh yeah... she knows me.
Anyhow... Matthew drives Takako's car home to her place - flawlessly on a right-hand drive stick shift. I have no idea how the heck he does that, especially knowing that he had a couple of drinks. The guy is Batman.
I'm in bed by 12:30AM. Slightly drunk. Very tired and incredibly horny. Where's Junko or Ashley?
The phone rings, but I don't answer it.


Somewhere wondering who they fished out of the canyon,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Fog Hat - for obvious reasons: TAKEITEASY
PS: Kanemaru-san drove a white Cherry Vanette.