Highway To Hell

Again... written but never published - perhaps this was just written to rid myself of some angst. I had entitled it: Ode To A Scuzzball. It's about an encounter with another AET (Assistant English Teacher) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.

No one who knows how to play people would ever have trusted him.

He was phonier than a $3 bill (unless you are in the Bahamas - see photo above - I have a lot of weird stuff, eh?). The guy was 6'-4", about 210 lbs of good-looking man (so you know I'm not talking about myself). His unblemished dark-chocolate skin and his neatly trimmed short locks were probably enough to fool many a person. If his looks didn't do it, his glad-handing talk probably would.

"Hey! How are ya? Good to see ya! I haven't seen you in a long time. Watcha been doing with yourself?" was all said in a quick, fluid breath.

I guess he could sense if more was needed or not. If it was, he would follow up his opening statements with: "You're looking good! Really great! Have you been working out or something?"

It should be noted that he really liked the ladies. Tell me... what woman wouldn't want to be flattered by a good-looking man. Hey, even if he isn't your cup of tea and prefer a little white milk in there, there was still something magnetic about Julius Johnson Magic Erving (not his real name) that would draw people to his side; to his way of thinking.

I suppose that if I ever had told him that I liked him but thought he was a bullshit artist, he would say how surprised and hurt he was by my accusation, after all he has the highest degree of respect for me. I could see him doing that (and I did see him say this to others)... turning the table on them to make them feel 'wrong' all the while wondering how he had been found out.

A word to the wise. You can't bullshit a bullshitter. You can, I suppose, but you'll never know who is actually winning.

He used to 'smarm' his way onto women. They loved it. Or so they said out loud. But in secret, they told me how they hated it. That it was all so much bullshit. But apparently, that hate was not enough to stop some from lending him money. 

Somehow, he finagled a small loan from three female AETs of about ¥20,000 (Cdn $200) each. That's $600! A minor figure in the grand scheme of things, but still pretty good when not one of them had the guts to ask for their money back. It didn't matter - he never seemed to have any money anyways.

From an Australian barmaid he was dating in his home town, he borrowed the equivalent of ¥100,000 ($1,000 Cdn) and bought himself a used car. She never asked to be repaid, assuming he was a nice guy and would repay her when he was able - perhaps after his moral fibre transplant operation that he was going to have a week from last month.

At an AET gathering for all of the folk in four nearby provinces including Tochigi-ken, I was crawling around delivering messages to some jerk from the love of my life that week (Trish Pepper - just friends, but that was great, too), when I was set upon by the familiar: "Hey! How are ya? Good to see ya! I haven't seen you in a long time. Watcha been doing with yourself?" 

He and another guy who was dating a gorgeous blonde AET I had my eye on (and escorted her dancing in Tokyo one weekend (never slept with, because we were friends)) sat and talked with each other and each had a shot of sake (Japanese rice wine). But what got me was when Julius Johnson Magic Erving toasted us with: "Here's to Tochigi-ken's three womanizers."

I was shocked. You could have knocked me over with a rock (no, really). I drank up because I was already too drunk to argue, but it stuck in my craw, though. And who makes toasts like that?!

Is that what people think about me here? Screw that! My friends knew better. I mean, I never used a woman for personal gain - just sex. And even then it was never my intention to just get sex... I know in my head and my heart that I always wanted more.

Everybody knew that Julius Johnson Magic Erving was happy. I knew, and excluding the odd chance greeting, I never went out of my way to talk to him. I just got a bad vibe from him. 

Turns out the happiness was a facade. He was not as happy as everyone thought. Why? Because he suddenly skipped the country and headed back to the U.S.--Boston, I believe. But not before he sold everything in his apartment. 

I may have mentioned this previously, but AETs on the JET Programme, are provided with a rental accommodation that is fully furnished by our respective city/town/hamlet board of educations. In others words, we don't own anything in the place unless we ourselves physically purchased it.

Julius Johnson Magic Erving sold the television, VCR (a machine people used before PVRs - personal video recorders), stereo system, cabinets, tables, chairs, sofa, futons, blankets, air-conditioning unit - everything!

And he left his board of education office with an international telephone bill of over ¥400,000. That's about $4,500.

While his board of education office wanted to pursue the matter across international boundaries and make him pay for his crimes, I was told (maybe it's rumour and innuendo - I'm repeating the story I was told here) that CLAIR (Council of Local Authorities for International Relations) asked them to not pursue the matter as it would not be good for the image of the JET Programme. It was thought that the media would kill us, and CLAIR would be out of a job.

His office reluctantly agreed, and the matter was hushed up. I still don't know if the office had to eat the loss, or whether CLAIR came to their aid for keeping their mouth shut. Whatever. That was the story I was told - and considering I got some of my data straight from some of the women who had lent him money as well as other Tochigi-ken AET leaders, I have no reason to doubt the truth of this story.

Who says crime doesn't pay? 

Somewhere still needing a loan,

Andrew Joseph

Today's title is rocked on by AC/DC: HIGHWAY TO HELL

PS: That other guy who drank with Julius Johnson Magic Erving and myself - he was more like me than our blog subject. I liked him. I just coveted his girlfriend. And anyways, I only went out with her as an escort after they had broken up. She called me up and asked me to go dancing with her in Tokyo - because she enjoyed my company, thought I was cute (!), and wanted the protection against  - well, the rest of Japan. Plus she knew I could dance. She was a sweet girl - and yes, I would have slept with her - but the opportunity never presented itself. We paid our own way the entire weekend.

PPS: Not much was ever mentioned of Julius Johnson Magic Erving about a week after he left until now - 17 years later in 2010. It's a good thing I write stuff down.

PPPS: And no, I'm not telling you the blonde's name. Mostly because it eludes me at the moment. Crap. Why didn't I write that down?  

YYZ

Today is the 20th anniversary of me setting foot in Japan for the very first time. Yay for me.
Lucky you, I just discovered the notepad I used to document the first couple of weeks - okay, maybe that's just lucky for me. But since I have it, let me tell you more about that first day. It starts the day before.

At the Toronto airport, I was just about to pass through US Immigration and Customs when I suddenly realize I have left all of my Japanese money (Yen) back home. Luckily my dad is still around so we drive back to my home 15 minutes away for me to retrieve it. An omen of things to come? Perhaps - but at least I remembered early enough to go and get it - I still had three hours before the flight. My dad and I did the short good-bye. I hope it was for the best. It was for me at any rate.
I flew NW-283 to Detroit and apparently we landed so far from the terminal it took 20 minutes for us to hit our gate. That left myself and 100 other Torontonians going to Japan exactly 10 minutes to make our connection to Japan aboard the 747 NW-011. On that flight I sat next to a girl named Stephanie. After introductions we both mentioned that we had gone out with someone of the same name, and that it didn't work out very well (actually for me, it worked out well enough - she was the reason I applied for this JET (Japane Exchange & Teaching) Programme - so she changed seats opting to sit in the smoker's section. You can tell how long ago this story took place - smoking on the airplane? Anyhow, enough about that.

So... my first day in Tokyo. We arrive at Narita Airport at 4PM on Sunday. Deplaning, my first impression was quite literally: "Ommigawd it's friggin' hot!" Actually, it wasn't the heat, but the stupidity.
After a 10-minute wait at immigration I spend 20 minutes waiting for my luggage to appear at the carousel. I realized I would need two dollies to carry my baggage, but they were like gold at this airport. I managed to find another one and with the help of someone from CLAIR (Japan's Council of Local Authorities For International Relations) we found where I was supposed to go next and separated the baggage I would need for the next few days in Tokyo from the rest of the baggage that would be sent ahead to our host institution - in my case, Ohtawara.
It was pretty obvious to all, that I had the most luggage - and I was still sure I had forgotten something. I had three suitcases, two small hand-bags, one suit holder, and two cartons carrying my clarinet and a new set of Casio keyboards. I also had a couple of bottles of booze that I was going to give to my bosses in Ohtawara - it's something we were told we should do.
I grabbed a suitcase, suit-holder, a carry-on bag and my booze and began a 1-1/2 hour bus ride to the Keio Plaza Hotel in Tokyo. Why so long? Narita airport is located in another province (Chiba-ken) - not in Tokyo.
The bus was neat, air-conditioned but had no toilet, and held 30 people - and there were maybe 15 or more of these buses there.

After catching a 30-minute snore, I notice that the roads of Tokyo look a lot like Toronto, as does the city itself - except that there are more billboards about and neon is everywhere. In fact, there are billboards everywhere, all over the skyscrappers - it looks a lot like that city in the movie Bladerunner.
There are also tonnes of Japanese cars - with 90% of them white... though I did see a Chevy Lumina!
Checking in at the hotel, the staff there are very polite, bowing and scrapping and saying "Welcome" in English. It was great.
I get to my room at 6:45PM and stay holed up there watching the English-language CNN (Operation Desert Storm was just starting to shock and awe the world) and then sleeping until 6AM the next morning.
My roomie was a fellow Torontonian named Tom Granger who would be living somewhere in a place called Akita-ken. While I sat in shock and awe at the war on television, Tom decided he wanted to see Tokyo and took off. If he came back, I didn't see him at 5:30AM when the alarm clock set by the room's previous inhabitants went off - in fact, I never saw him again.
If any of you know the whereabouts of Tom... ah, forget it.
So... that's my first day in Japan. I was too afraid to actually go out and see the place. Fortunately for me, I made up for that with a grand adventure and got to meet a couple of beautiful American  ladies - Kristine South, and Melissa Scott - to read about that adventure (and some of today's), Click LOST. Just so you know, I thought I had a shot at Melissa (whom I never saw again) and true to form didn't see Kristine until she saved my life when I attempted to cross the street and looked the wrong way. In Japan, they drive on the opposite side of the road from the U.S and Canada. Kristine certainly had my attention after that. Poor crippled Kristine with her broken foot (I think) and crutches.   

And that's the way it was, Sunday, July 29, 1990.

Somewhere older,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title, YYZ is by Toronto's own Rush. In the song, the power trio actually play out the Morse code of Y-Y-Z. My friend from Illinois, Steve Guzelis told me that one. Damn Americans knowing more about Canadian rockers. What is this world coming to? Listen to them here: GEDDYNEILALEX
PS - Want to know what YYZ means? YYZ is the three-letter designation for the officially named Toronto Lester B. Pearson International Airport (named after former Canadian Prime Minister Lester B. Pearson who brought about Universal Health Care, Student Loans, the Canada Pension Plan and the current Canadian Flag - if you want to know more, click HERE - he's a pretty interesting fellow).
PPS - Because you need to know, NRT is the three-letter designation that is globally known for the Narita airport.
PPPS - that image at the top - that's what I wrote in my notepad that first night in Japan... wasn't even sure of the date at first.
PPPPS - With the celebrations over, next is a story of salt, slapping and men in diapers.

Rock And Roll

Once upon a time, my friends Matt and Jeff (there's a pun there involving a pair of comics characters from a century ago that I'm not going to mention) and I actually made an effort to become better AETs (Assistant English Teachers). As fresh meat rookies on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme, we didn't really have clue how to teach English to our Junior High School gakkusei (students).

The Council of Local Authorities for International Relations (CLAIR - I know a couple of people who work for CLAIR who are unsure of the acronym's true meaning - go HERE for more on CLAIR) (Sorry... wrong link, but it's probably more fun than the Japanese alternative) had created various guides to aid the neophyte teacher. There were plenty of games and interesting ideas in the guides for us to choose from.

The three of us all correctly realized that our students would be more open to learning English if it was more fun--perhaps also because the three amigos were also quite enamored by the others sense of humour. Especially mine.

The games helped a great deal. However, CLAIR and most of our JTEs (Japanese Teachers of English - the real Japanese teachers we team-taught with at school) were firm believers in the power of song to teach English. While utilizing songs during our classes seemed to be a step in the right direction, I knew that I was blessed with a voice that could spoil natto. As well, none of the songs in our text books or guides moved us. I mean, "Beautiful Sunday" by Daniel Boone and Rod McQueen??!! Blllleeeccchhhh! Okay, it's a great song, but it's so... happy. By the way, it's not the Daniel Boone. Click HERE to see a video.

We figured that using popular Rock and or Roll songs would stimulate interest in our students to at least pay more attention in class, so we got together over the phone and plotted out our play list.

Since all Japanese students tended to have difficulty in saying the letters "L" and "R" (there is no L in the Japanese alphabets, and the letter R is pronounced like "dyu"), we wanted to find a song that might help them.
We settled on the classic song "Rock and Roll" by Led Zeppelin. We listened to the song hundreds of times and finally succeeded in copying down the lyrics. Remember, this was 1990, and while I might have been on the Internet for some 10 years now, not many people had even heard of it yet. Yes, I was a nerd. But I got better. I do like Led Zeppelin.

Anyhow, I took copies of the lyrics in to a 3rd year class (Grade 9's) and my CD of Led Zep IV and got down to brass tacks. Would you believe that these kids had never heard of Led Zeppelin? They had heard of some group called Ru-edo Ze-pu-rin. As well, they had difficulty with the words. Immense dificulty.
Click HERE to listen to the song.
That's what it sounds like.

This is what my students made it sound like: "Been a rongu time-u since I lock and lorr... been a rongu time, been a rongu time, been a rongu ronry, ronry, ronry, ronry, ronry time-u." At least they got the air guitar solos in the right spot.

Needless top say, I went back to the drawing board and decided on the classic tune, "I Sing A Rainbow" or whatever the heck it's called. Though not a rock song, I heard that it was permissible in these new rules I was making up.
Click HERE for a version of the song. 

On my visit the next day I cranked up the music nice and loud (please don't make me tell you that I had a CD of kid's songs) and led the class through the lyrics once. I sounded pretty good, but no one was going to eat lunch that week.

I then allowed the class to go it alone.

"I shi olange and pink and gu-reen, yerrow and pulpre and brue..." Whoops! Their poor little tongues spasmed and contorted into intricate knots that even an Eagle Scout would find hard to match. In the photo above, I'm checking on the health of one of the boys, while a few of the girls try and relax their tongue.

I guess the textbooks and guides were correct after all. Teach them simple songs - the nice easy stuff they recommend.

However, I learned it is still eventful to use one's own intiative... especially if you like to watch your students suffer.

Somewhere buying a stairway to heaven,
Andrew Joseph
PS: I'm pretty sure Matt & Jeff were just humouring me and didn't actually try this. Buggers.