Tank! Cowboy Bebop

Today's the day I have to give a speech to the people of Ohtawara. It just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

At first, I thought I only had to give a speech to the Ohtawara International Friendship Association. Then I thought it was them plus or just the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE)... and now I find out it's for the people of Ohtawara. They are apparently interested in the views of foreigners of Japan.



I should just let them read a couple of my Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife columns I put into the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) newsletter I'm in charge of putting out (The Tatami Times)... but I'm afraid they won't understand my humour... that I am too cynical.



It's Friday, October 4, 1991 and I am an assistant English teacher who visits one of seven schools each week to 'team-teach' the junior high school students there. It's an easy job, to be perfectly frank... or am I being earnest? No, wait... I'm just usually simple old complex An-do-ryu sensei who enjoys telling people all about how different are two countries are (I'm from Toronto, Canada), while at the same time showing them just how similar we are.



I think that throws the Japanese people a little bit, as they are fiercely proud of their individuality. Sorry Japan. There may be a lot of things that are wildly different from Canadian or US or Australian or English or take your pick of a country culture... but while I like to note the differences, there are so many similarities that I often forget I'm in a so-called foreign (gaijin) country.



Really. I suppose I have acclimatized well enough even though I can't speak, read or write the language.



Still... do I be insulting, or boring by praising everything... should I talk about everything, or just one thing?



While I enjoy taking the mickey out of everything... I might as well use this forum as an opportunity to make a difference, without being nasty.



My topic of choice was the Japanese choice of not wearing seatbelts in the cars. I use an old story about a friend of mine dying in a car crash who would have lived if he had been wearing a seatbelt.



I give the speech in English, with a Japanese translation done by Tokunori Suzuki, a local farmer who is the leader of the Ohtawara International Friendship Association.



It goes over well, I think, as I shock enough people, judging by their comments to me afterward. I chat with a lot of people - all of them speak decent English. A Mrs. Ito who lives in Yaita-shi (Yaita City) to the south says she wants me to meet her daughter, a 21-year-old studying at the university in Tochigi's capital city of Utsunomiya. Hah! I wish!



Hey! I wonder if she knows Junko - my sexually crazy stalker babe who dropped out of that university to follow me. We had great chemistry in the bedroom - and probably had great chemistry everywhere else if we had left the bedroom, but I sure as hell don't want anyone giving up their schooling for me. I might be an idiot, but I'm not an uncaring ass.



I go home, and then with Matthew and some other gaijin (foreigners) and nihonjin (Japanese), we head to the local watering hole, the 4C. There are many, many other bars within staggering distance of my apartment in downtown Ohtawara, but this is our chosen base of operations.



I have seven beers - Kirin Lager beer, a very tasty Japanese brand) - within the space of 90 minutes, but only have to pay for four of them, as people kept offering me drinks. Whatever. You only live once, right? I hope.



I head home at 2AM. I think Matthew left at the same time. We have to get up early to do some international dancing tomorrow in Utsunomiya. Hey... maybe Junko will be there!



Somewere hammered,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog is by: The Seatbelts! Yeah man! The Seatbelts (シートベルツ are actually a Japanese funky jazz/blues group known as Shītoberutsu (which is how the Japanese might say 'seatbelt' via katakana English). They are led by composer and instrumentalist Yoko Kanno. Listen: COWBOYBEBOP. Here's more on the GROUP.

PS: As of June 2008, all backseat passengers in Japan have to wear seatbelts in all cars. Even in 1990-1993, while I was there, all frontseated passengers were required by law to wear a seatbelt.

Hybrid Cars To Provide Extra Electricity To Japan's Towns

Here's a cool story!

Prius hybrid gas-electric cars are being donated by Toyota to Japan's northeastern Tohoku region to help ease the power shortages.

After a powerful 9.0 Magnitude earthquake spawned a massive tsunami that caused a near meltdown at the Dai-ichi (Big One) nuclear power plant facility in Fukushima-ken (Fukushima Prefecture), the northeastern part of Japan has been afflicted by electrical power shortages. 

The power grid will be specially fitted with 40 of the hybrid vehicles to store and generate electricity.

Also, in a show of support for the region, the auto-making giant announced it will create a manufacturing training school in the area, indicating that it has no intention of halting future production of vehicles there. The first class for 10 to 30 students will begin in April 2013.

While many observers have suggested Tokyo and other major manufacturers might consider moving their production away from Japan to avoid future disruptions from natural disasters, let Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife offer his two yen's worth.

There is no way any major Japanese manufacture will leave Japan completely to manufacture products! The Japanese are a very proud people... proud of who they are, what they manufacture and where they are from.

For a major manufacturer to leave a country reeling after the devastating natural disasters et al would be financial disaster. True there would be fewer jobs to go around, but there would be such a backlash.

The Japanese really do dislike a lot of things not made in Japan that could or should be made in Japan.

Hyundai... it was snidely pointed out to me that it was a Korean car... and more quietly that Japanese people do not like Koreans. Again... this is NOT a blanket statement... and it's not the ramblings of a single man, but rather the feelings of more Japanese people than you would believe.

Again... I don't believe that the Japanese are racist... at least not any more than the average Canadian or American.... it exists... let's not be ignorant and deny it... but along with some racism, I fervently believe that the Japanese would simply rather buy Japanese because of a sense of pride at their own country. It's all about perceptions.

It's like Ego and Self-Confidence. My self-confidence might seem like Ego to you. 
 
Files by Andrew Joseph

Rocky Raccoon

It's Sunday, September 8, 1991 and Ashley and I are participating in the Yoichi Nasu Kyudo Matsuri in the Sakuyama district of Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. Kyudo is Japanese archery... a little different from the standard modern bow in that the Japanese bow is about 7-feet tall.

Ashley and I just spent a long night of not being boyfriend/girlfriend to simply being friends-with-benefits. As such, we awake all sticky and sweaty with only two hours of sleep. That's fine for me, but Ashley's the type of girl who seems to need 8-10 hours every night.

Up at 6AM. Blah. Okay... maybe I need more than two hours of sleep. Ashley leaves almost immediately to go home and get some tampons and then would be back to have a shower. Her place has a wooden bath tub that is a large (?) three-foot x three foot square. I sat in it once and wondered why Japan would create something as uncomfortable as this for its people. Okay... maybe 100 years ago, but why is it still in existence in the 20th century?

I have a shower - a nice hot 20th century shower. Finishing, Ashley calls me up and says she has a flat tire on her bicycle. Can I come and pick her up? She's 20 minutes away by bike over in the next town of Nishinasuno.

I race over, and double her back. If I wasn't tired before (and I was), I am completely wiped out now. It's hot out - close to 30 Celsius, and it's only 7:30 AM. It looks like it will rain, however... which doesn't mean it will cool down, but rather become more humid. This is Japan.

Back at my place, my arms and legs feel like they want to fall off. Ashley showers and gets dressed. With no time for breakfast (and trust me, I should have had another shower after that bicycle ride built for two), I double her over to the Ohtawara Kyudo Club.

It begins to drizzle rain.

I look for my arrows, and only find three of four. Where the hell is it? Oh yeah... when I left in a huff two days ago, I forgot to pick-up my arrows and put them away. Number four is embedded in the ground with its feathers all screwed up. Great.

With Sano-sensei (a kyudo instructor) driving us, we leave. We return. I forgot my kyudo glove. We get it and leave again. Wow... we are off to such a great start!

Arriving, it begins to pour like someone should be building an ark and counting the animals. I get dressed in the men's area, and Ashley in the women's. It's not like it's separated by anything other than some imaginary line.

I chat with Ashley in the rain - we look good, but we feel like crap. Tired, hungry and wet. But... it is better to look good than to feel good. I have no idea why I am up tight. It's not like anyone expects us to win this event! But still, I want to do well. I want to show that gaijin (foreigners) and Andrew especially can do Japanese things as well as the Japanese.

Sano-sensei seeing us chatting in the rain, invites us into his van for some sake. Really? That's going to help? It's only 10:30AM.

I have a long shot, and some food. But I'm really nervous now and need to go to the bathroom, but can't because of my costume.

Then someone tells me I have my costume on inside out. Oh crap. Way to make a good impression! Still no time to go to the washroom! I go and change with some help from a friendly woman who is all hands... by that I mean it seems like she is feeling me up. I don't mind because I'm a guy.


Ashley shoots first. She's not bad... comes very close but no hits.

I shoot with some Kurobane Kyudo Club. (Kurobane is the town where my boss and good friend Kanemaru-san lives... I have had four homestays at his place so far, and look forward to many more this upcoming year!) Thank goodness they don't use a 'K' for club like with would have in North America. That's all I need... to be shooting against the KKK.

Stepping up and going through the slow rituals, I drawback the bowstring, slow down my breathing, hold the arrow in perfect form, stare straight ahead at the target and wait until I become one with the arrow. I release.

The crowd gasps!

I hit the target! Holy smokes! I hit the target!

Then I look closer... it just wasn't mine.

Thinking I was aiming at the wrong target, a tournament official comes up and points at my target. At least he didn't bother trying to do it in Japanese, because it might have freaked me out... and you never want to freak out a gaijin... especially one armed with a weapon. Hah! As if. I wouldn't be able to kill anyone I aimed at. I don't tell anyone, but I was aiming at my target... something in my release made my arrow fly off target.

Anyhow... that hit and a miss really throws me. Or perhaps it was the lack of sleep, nerves, alcohol, no food and crappy weather combined with dressing inside out, forgetting my archery glove, using the screwed up arrow first, and having to double Ashley hither and yon. Or... it could be that I am m not very good. I'm not really. I do the one sport where I have to stare at a target... my astigmatism makes things a bit difficult. But, no one knows about that problem.

My second shot sucks, though the third and fourth ones are better. I still don't hit anything, like anyone else's target, but in this tournament the guys I am shooting with - only one person hits a target.

I was really scared and nervous and my hand's wouldn't stop shaking... but at last it's over! And no one took pictures of me! In fact, I have zero photos of me doing kyudo. I do have a kyudo bow, arrow and targets here in 2011, however!

Just think... if that target I hit had actually been mine, I would have gone onto the next round! I think I'm glad I missed. 

Ashley and I change to our regular clothes - jeans and a t-shirt and then go off to buy some souvenirs. I pass out in the back of Sano-sensei's car.

Ashley comes over and wakes me up when it's time to go.

I woman who has watched Ashley and I at the Ohtawara Kyudo Club gives us a ride back. I think she's a friend of Ashley's, but to be honest, I am too tired to care. It's Japan... it's sleepy little Ohtawara... the people are all nice and friendly here! Her English is excellent!

Driving back to the club in her white car, I double Ashley back on my bicycle to her place and was then going to go with her to a bicycle shop in Nishinasuno to get the tire fixed...  because like in every town, village or city, there are literally hundreds of bicycle repair shops in this country. I have no idea how anyone makes any money, but they all seem to survive!

At Ashley's place, we discover that her locked bicycle needs her key... which is back at my apartment in Ohtawara.

I race home, finally have that washroom break I've been dreaming about and head back to Ashley's place. I run into her while riding there... she's carrying her bike!?! Pretty strong! I guess that's why she does all right in our wrestling tickle fights. She too is exhausted, so I have no idea how she is able to carry her bicycle... remember, the lock is through the wheel so it won't roll.

I carry her bike for her the rest of the way to a repair shop.. and then remember I have the key! We are both really tired, I guess. We unlock her bicycle and walk our bicycles there! They fix her up and then ride back to my place. She changes clothes again... and I dig out a pair of shoes she left at my place back in April or May... from when we traveled out west to Beppu... I think she bought these shoes from the Kintetsu department store where I bought some old coins.

We have some Coke, talk and then she has to leave at 5:20PM because she has another enkai (party) to go to at the Girl's High School here in Ohtawara.

Nervous... about something or another... I clean up. Ashley always comes over after an enkai and we get busy... but I expect she is too tired for any tickling or stuff... what with that whole no sleep, drinking and menstruation thing going on.

Naoko comes over at 6PM and stays until 9PM. We talk about the gossip of myself, Shoko, the people of Ohtawara, Ashley... I wonder if Naoko noticed any of Ashley's clothes at my place? Probably. We talk about my life in Japan and proper English for a jacket she is making. She wants it to read Freedom Flight Ship '91. I don't know what to tell her. She tries to explain why, but I don't really get it. I tell her to get rid of the "Ship" part, but she insists she wanted a nautical theme. That explains the hard navy shoulder boards!

The flight part? I'm guessing it's an aircraft carrier. Freedom? Fight for freedom? I tell her the English is fine, but it's still not something us Westerners would add to our jackets... however, it is a popular style here in Japan. In fact, I recall seeing a bomber jacket worn by a Japanese man that had Enola Gay written on the back - oblivious to the fact that the Enola Gay was the B-29 bomber that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima back in 1945, but content in the fact that he had English words on the back of his jacket.

That is how much people love English in Japan. By the same token, in 2011 many non-Japanese have tattoos with incorrect Japanese kanji (words) on themselves. At least the Japanese guy can take off his bomber jacket.

Lisa Arnold, a black woman on the JET program... chubby, but bubbly and pretty with a personality anyone would die for calls... but I am too tired to talk and tell her that I want to go to sleep and that I will call her tomorrow.

Yet... I don't go to sleep. I stay up and do my 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle and watch the Mission Impossible movie on video tape until 12AM.

Now I am zonked. I jump on my bed and fall off. Can't even hit that target. Figures.

Somewhere off target,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by The Beatles: NANCY. I just like the song... and the Robert Service poem - The Shooting of Dan McGrew - that inspired it.
PS: Yoichi Nasu for whom the kyudo festival is named after, was a local hero in Ohtawara-shi. That's his image at the top on my business card (meishi).

My Back Pages

(L-R: Iso-san; Hanazaki-san (standing), pear farmer and wife, my mother Lynda Hyacinth Joseph

It's been an exciting past two days, as the people of Japan have really taken a shine to my mom, Lynda, as she visits Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan from Toronto.

I've been here 13 months already, so perhaps I am old news to the people of Japan... but then being invited to participate in - not just watch - the Sakuyama Obon Matsuri (Sakuyama Festival of the Dead)... well, it's nice to feel good again. I've been on a major downer lately as my girlfriend or woman troubles have really taken their toll on me. I'm not clinically depressed or anything, but I wonder if anyone I know is? Hmm. I'd ask, but I'm too much of a coward.

Yesterday, the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) took my mother and myself all around the outskirts of Ohtawara to see sites I've not even seen before. I'm unsure if that was because my mother was with me or if it was because I brought a large bottle of good Canadian whiskey for the OBOE superintendent.... I'm sure it was my mom!

It's Thursday, August 19, 1991, and I go into the office again in the morning. My vacation is up, so even though there is no school for me to teach due to summer vacation, I am still expected to be at work at the OBOE. That's fair, of course.

At the OBOE, I try to sort out the upcoming issue of the Tochigi JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme newsletter, The Tatami Times. I'm the editor-in-chief, which means I have to put the content together. Because a lot of new people have just arrived in Japan (and Tochigi-ken) one month ago, I need to make sure that I present them with interesting and useful materials along with the usual mindless comedic crap. The magazine is a mess... as I have no idea what to include or where to put it. I actually have too much material.

I head home at lunch and then pick up my film (or rather my mom's film) from the Iseya department store. When you receive your film back (remember, this was 1991!), the clerks open up the film envelope and show you a photo so that you can assure them that it is your film.

At Iseya, the place is essentially run by pretty young Japanese girls in their early 20s. They took great delight in opening up my mom's entire set of photos and placed them out for me—and the other young girls they called over—to see. I am always an object of great amusement for them. I wonder why I've never asked any of them out? I guess I need to gain greater Japanese language skills.

They ask me all about the places in the film, and who is taking photos of me. They giggle with delight as I try to explain that it is my mom's film and that I do not have a girlfriend right now.

I head home totally bedazzled by all of the female attention and chat with my mom a bit before heading back to the OBOE at 1PM. Hanazaki-san asks me with a pained look on his face of I am busy.

"No."
"Then let's leave."

So we do, dropping my my apartment to pick up my mom. I love surprises!

Iso-san, the gentleman who usually drives us around in his white van, joins us, but this time we are in Hanazaki-san's white Jaguar... what he calls his Toyota Camry. I'm telling you, I got lucky! My office crowd has a wonderful sense of humour... I've heard of other offices for AETs (assistant English teachers) are often rather dour.

Oh... and juts so you know, I had already given Iso-san (and Hanzaki-san) a present earlier, to thank him for looking after me here in Japan. It's nothing great, but it's from the heart.

We first go to the Sakuyama district (in Ohtawara) pear farm I visited last year (photo HERE) and get to load up on free pears and grapes. Okay, I do the loading up, as my mom is leaving for Canada tomorrow. Remember mom - don't tell Canadian customs you visited any farms!

Catacombs with 100's of Buddha statues.

Then we drive out to Yawn, sorry, Yaita-shi (Yaita City) to the Sawa Kannon-ji (fountain spring-goddess temple). It's about 400 years old and is in really great shape. We head down into its catacombs where there are hundreds of Buddha statues! Back topside, my mom and I load up on good luck charms (all of which I lost in my house fire three years ago).

It's raining now. What with Ame Otoko (Rain Man = me) and Ame Oka-san (Rain Mother = my mom), how could it not?

Iso-san then takes my mom over to the kimono school across from the Nozaki-eki (Nozaki train station) that is currently the only JR (Japan Rail) station in Ohtawara. To me, it's actually farther away than the one up at Nishinasuno-machi (Nishinasuno Town) to the northwest of Ohtawara.

My mom tries on a kimono... photos galore via her camera, and just to prove that it's not really a mom-thing, but a camera-thing, it runs out of film. I can see now in 2011 why digital cameras are so awesome.

Kimono school teacher and my mom.

My mom bought a kimono - just not this one... hers was purchased while out west. I'll see if it still fits me and take a photo. Not.

The school has a scale there to weigh bolts of cloth, so I get on and weigh myself, coming in at 77 kilograms (which is just under 170 pounds). All right! I've lost 3 kilograms (~6.5 pounds) since arriving. How the heck did I do that considering all of the booze I've been imbibing?!       

We then head back to the office, as I'm supposed to meet the new English teacher taking over for Nozaki Chu Gakko's (Nozaki Junior High School's) Ishihara Norko-chan (surname first), who was a good friend of mine. She introduces herself as Mrs. Hiyama... so I have no idea what her given name is.

Her English is rusty, but she's really nice and we chat for an hour. Why won't she leave and go back to her school?!

Hanazaki-san then drops us off at my apartment, and by US, I mean myself, my mom and Hiyama-sensei (Hiyama teacher). I guess bevause it was raining, I left my bicycle at the office - and it is now, in fact, pouring like someone should be building an ark and gathering the animals.


I was supposed to have dinner in Nishinasuno tonight with all of the other AETs in our northern section - including Karen, the new girl in Yaita who wants to be my girlfriend. I just want to get laid. I don't want a relationship. Anyhow, since it's my mom's last night here, I stay home and eat a burger and fries dinner.

Naoko and Suzuki Tokunori (the gentleman who allowed me to participate in the Sakuyama Obon Matsuri) come over to make their good-byes to my mom. I think she wishes I would have hooked up with Naoko, as she really took a shine to her.

She shows Naoko some photographs of her trip to western Japan, making sure she sees pictures of a guy she met that she thinks would be perfect for Naoko. Ah... my mom the pimp.

Everyone wants to talk to my mom - including Hiyama-sensei who is still there and joined us for dinner. I have to admit, it was nice to not be--or want to be--the center of attention for once.

Naoko, ever the classy broad, phones for a taxi to come and pick us up tomorrow. Nice.

Somewhere wishing these past three days could have lasted forever,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is originally a Bob Dylan song: This VERSION is sung by Roger McGuinn (The Byrds, whose version of this song I love), Tom Petty (& The Heartbreakers), Neil Young (Buffalo Springfield; Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - he's Canadian),  Eric Clapton (The Yardbirds; John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers; Cream; Blind Faith; Derek & The Dominoes - his dad was Canadian), Bob Dylan, George Harrison (The Beatles). Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.
PS: The photo up above is indeed one from my mom's camera - I took it. Hard to believe my mom is Indian with that complexion, eh? Plus, she's 52 in this photo. I refrained from posting a photo of her until this moment, her last fun day in Japan... she died two years later of a disease you only hear about on the television show House. It breaks my friggin' heart to look at her photo, let alone write about her. I know she would have laughed her head off reading every single one of my Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife adventures. She missed me getting married, having a fantastic son, and would have been there for me when I needed her the most. It hurts everyday knowing that and living in the house where she died. Crap. I'm tearing up now.

Spiders And Snakes

It's Friday, August 9, 1991 and I'm visiting Thailand with my mother, Lynda from Toronto. I'm just beginning my second year of life in Japan as a teacher of junior high school kids on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme in Japan--but that has nothing to do with this, except that it offers me a chance to travel a fair bit to the eastern part of the globe.

It's drizzling a bit today, but it's still around 36 Celcius. My mom and I do more traveling today, in air-conditioned splendor, as my mom believes, like myself, that a vacation should be relaxing and NOT taxing. I don't see my security blanket, I mean security guard at the entrance to the hotel this morning... maybe I tired her out last night. Or maybe she just has a later shift. Whatever... I'll see her later tonight and see my waitress hook-up after that. I've had more sex in two days than I've had in a month or more, and I feel quite relaxed. I'm pretty sure my mom suspects, but doesn't question me about it. She's probably just glad I've, if you'll pardon the pun, come into my own.

Before arriving in Japan a year ago, I was a 25-1/2 year old virgin with next to zero self-confidence. A year here in Japan has taught me self-confidence, as well as how to cook, clean, do laundry, iron, be a man... etcetera. I might still be an idiot sometimes, but at least I can do more than just whine about it... I can do something about it.

We travel to Wat Pho... the largest temple in Thailand... we were supposed to go yesterday, but we ran out of time. It's fantastic... and really, I need a couple of days to scan in the photos for you. We then traveled an hour north of Bangkok to the famous Water Market--that's a wonderful shot I took up above.

Arriving at the Market, as I step out of the car, a guy drapes a friggin' python snake around my shoulders and a monkey on my now out-stretched arms and then asks if I want a picture. What the heck happens if I say no? To quote Jim Morrison of The Doors: 'The snake... he's cold.'

I don't know about you... but I hate snakes. I hate'em, I hate'em, I hate'em. As much as I hate spiders. I think I prefer animals (not including sealife) that has two to six legs. Anything more or less... ick. Two legs are for things like wallaby's or kangaroos. Six.. ants. Sealife... I don't mind fish or squid or octopi.

I think my mom pays for a photo just so I don't pass out from fright.

The Water Market has sales people in small watercraft selling all sorts of fruits, hats and tourist crap to buy--and to be honest, I have no interest in it. My souvenir is the photo. The water of the river is absolutely filthy. It's a murky brown, and I suppose it's made worse by the rain of the past few days, but our guide, Toki, tells us this brown colour is normal.

We go for a boat ride (motorized) up the river..and I'm constantly hoping none of the water will splash up into my mouth. It's probably the longest I've ever gone without opening my mouth to speak.

I can't believe that people who live in thatch huts up on poles on the river actually bathe in this crappy water... but I guess they are used to it, which is why no one gets sick.

As well, just upstream from where I see some kids having a bath (washing their hair), I see a couple of people using the river as their toilet (crap and pee). Oh well... it's life, isn't it?

Getting off at a small town, we see a few aspects of Thai culture: Kickboxing (my mom run's out of film), a wedding ceremony (still out), Thai dancing, a Thai fashion show--oh my gawd, Magnum, these women are getting more and more gorgeous, a Thai music festival, and learn about Thai history at a small museum. 

Later, we see an elephant show. There's a bull elephant pushing a large log into the water and then goes into the water to retrieve it. When he comes out, his weenis (combo of wee-wee and penis... a word invented by my son, Hudson... he also invented poo-nus... a combo of poo and anus... why can't I invent words like this??!! ) is out--long and dragging on the ground. Geez... with a dick like that, how could an elephant ever forget?

All of the women around me begin snapping photographs while giggling out loud. All of the guys are looking sheepishly at their women going crazy, all the while remembering how they all say that size isn't important. Women lie, apparently.

I then get aboard an elephant (no dick on this one), and ride for a couple minutes. it shakes up my gut pretty good, but it was still a lot of fun. They smell.

On the way back, down the river, I'm so relaxed and happy and thinking about the Thai fashion show and the waitress and the security guard that I drag my hand in the river's water. When my mom points that out to me, I can only hope I haven't picked up something that I'll transfer over to one or both of those women.. or three women... hey... you never know in this country!

When I get out of the boat, that guy with the snake and monkey tries to wrap me up again, but my tour guide steps in the way, allowing me the chance to go and wash my hands. Heck... I wouldn't want to make the snake sick... or would I?

Back in the car, we're stuck in a a traffic jam for an hour where we quite literally do not move an inch. Fortunately, there are some snacks and drinks in the car... plus, I did mention it was air-conditioned. Thanks mom... whatever you paid, it was worth it!

In traffic, I see mile after mile of some of the planet's most gorgeous women saunter by. Long black hair. Long legs. Bright eyes. A warm smile when they see me wave enthusiastically at them.
 
I'm sure my mom and the tour guide are rolling their eyes. Toki says that there are a lot of men who like to dress up as women here in Thailand. I'd heard that, but I haven't seen any evidence of it yet--I think. At least not any first hand or other body part evidence of it.

Giving up on getting back to the hotel by car, we leave our air-conditioned prison and walk back. It's a 30 minute walk through the most disgustingly polluted city I've ever seen, with some of the poorest people I've ever noticed. But... no one is angry. Everyone seems to have a smile on their face for my mom and myself.

At the hotel, we have a spicy fish dinner, and are served by Tookta who is brazen enough to give me a kiss on my lips in front of my mom. Mom is surprised--not by the fact that I got kissed, but by the fact that she did it in front of everyone. Tookta actually comes over a few minutes later to apologize to my mom, saying that she was just overcome by emotion at having seen me. My mother easily accepts her apology, and Tookta flounces away saying she will see me later.

My mom arches an eyebrow as I shrug a shoulder and smile quite smugly.

Back in the hotel, mom is tired and goes to sleep at 9PM, while I watch a bit of Predator II... I'm tired too, but rather than go to sleep like a good son, I make like a teenaged boy and go out to visit Boon-mee the security guard at 10PM (I found out that was when she was getting off work), and then help her get off. I'm a dog, but she seems to like dogs. This time she actually took me back to her place. It was small, well decorated and very clean. I even used the shower when I was ready to leave... my third of the day... so that I would be all nice and fresh for Tookta.

As I was leaving, I got a very good lesson from Boon-mee on women. She told me to say hi to Tookta. I stopped dead in my tracks and slowly turned around, expecting a knife to be pointed at my cowardly yellow dog back. Instead, she had a smile on her face.

She noticed my chagrined look and said: "What? Women do talk, you know! Especially about you."

I stammered out an "oh" and wondered if I could get them both together. Boon-me must have been a mind-reader because she said: "And no, I don't mind sharing you, but only when I get you all to myself for a couple of hours."

She then walked me back to the hotel, grabbed my crotch through my shorts and told me to be as safe with Tookta as she is with her.

"No problem," I smiled. "Are you sure you - "

She laughed, turned and waved as she walked away.

Waitaminute... is this what friends-with-benefits is really like? So, I can still boink my ex-girlfriend Ashley and boink whomever else I want? Dammit. I was hiding that from Ashley. I suppose I can be as open about it as I now am with Tookta and Boon-mee.

I have learned a lot about Thai culture today. I must not forget... like that elephant! Hah! I guess I love Thailand because it's the way I love my women: Open.

Somewhere an old dog can learn a new trick,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by: Jim Stafford. Believe it or not, I saw Jim perform as the opening act of a Joan Rivers (Comedian) concert back in the mid 1980s back in Toronto! IDON'TLIKE.
PS: I should have bought a Thai peasant hat. It's actually not just a Thai peasant hat... it's also seen in China and Japan - I usually saw them worn by the rice farmers, both men and women... who would when the urge hit them, take a bathroom break in their rice field. I wonder if that is what gives Japanese rice its unique flavour?   

Centerfold

It's Thursday, August 8, 1991, and I'm not in Japan for the first time in over a year. I'm in Bangkok, Thailand.

I arrived here yesterday, meeting my mother Lynda, who flew in the same day from Toronto. We'll spend a few days here before heading back to Japan where she'll see the country and probably end up seeing more in two weeks than I ever will in two years (or more!).

I love Thailand. I've been here less than day and I've already slept with a 22-year-old waitress who served more than soup—more like a seven-course meal. :)- I know... I can't wipe the grin off my face. Tookta is gorgeous, and was our waitress at the hotel restaurant last night. She obviously liked my tip, as she wants to meet up again after her shift ends at 1AM.

Thanks to my mother's snoring, I'm not going to sleep so I might as well see the local sights, sounds and smells—which I find quite fulfilling.

 Tookta and I both know this is just a fantasy sex call and that I'm going away in a few days, and she has no allusions about anything other than she enjoys doing what we are doing. Am I worried that she has done this with others? Yes. But one can only take precautions and must still try and enjoy life. She has assured me that she's never done anything like this before, but there was something about me—the fact that I would come to Thailand to sight-see with my mother made me seem safe in HER eyes.  Heh... I guess she was worried about her own health, too!

So... having now had sex in two different countries (Japan and Japan), I still am a virgin the western hemisphere... but that is only if I want to get stupid specific. Which I don't.

Back at the hotel room, I'm up at 7AM?! and have a shower to try and wash to smell of youthful exuberance from every nook and cranny... but you can't stifle exuberance. Thank goodness.

No sign of Tootka (late shift), we have a continental breakfast at the hotel restaurant. It's free. Who cares if it's bad? It's free!

My mother has organized the day via a Thai tour guide. We have a chauffeur-driven, air-conditioned car (yes, it's white). We're not rich, but my mom does like to travel in comfort... and, if you can afford it, do it. In Japan, I did stay at a youth hostel once with Ashley... and then after that pulled out the old credit card and stayed at name brand hotel chains after that.

As we leave the hotel, the car passes a security gate - just like what you might expect to see at an army base or at a prison. The security guard is a very sexy young lady, who chats with the driver, and then peers in at the two travelers (mom and myself). Big surprise... she smiles at me and says she gets off at 6PM if I wanted to take a walk around town with her. I don;'t know how I'm supposed to walk on my back, but I file that information away for future reference. The offer was only directed at myself, by the way.

Traveling in style, we visit the Grand Palace, the Wat Phra Sri Ratana Sasadaran and the Wat Phra Keo (also known as the Temple of the Emerald Buddha). We also visit the Wat Pho (the Reclining Buddha).Photos in a couple of days, okay?

We then go to Gems Gallery International Co. Ltd.... which is a heavily armoured jewelery shop. It is surrounded by a wall, and with an armed detail (I counted 6 men with M-16s (or maybe they were AK-47s, I'm not an expert on guns--and there could have been more security that I didn't see.)

The jewelery shop and the hotel are fantastic. Security up the ying-yang, but that's because with some any tourists, the place is ripe for a picking. I've never felt safer in these surroundings, however. Heck... I also have protection. Hah.

At the shop, I purchase an 18K gold chain and a ring... but not just any ring... I purchase a 5..54 carat black star sapphire ring with five diamonds (0.12 carats). It looks spectacular. When the light catches the sapphire, it splits to make a star pattern within the gem.

Why did I get this particular ring? Blame comic books. According to noted Uncle Scrooge and Donald Duck artist and write Carl Barks, Uncle Scrooge's one-cubic acre money bin has a layer of black star sapphires lining the base. I had no idea there was actually something called a black star sapphire... I thought they had made it up... but seeing one for real... I knew I had to have it.

Yes... my rationale for blowing a large chunk of change was thanks to a pant-less old duck with a Scottish accent.  

Next we are driven to a shirt making shop. We get to pick out the fabric we want (it's all silk), figure out the style and then they make it for you.

I chose a green silk shirt with purple threads; a blue silk shirt with red threads, a red silk jacket with blue threads and a pair of black raw silk pants. It costs 7000 Bhat ($225 Cdn)... but I bargained them down from 8,800 Baht ($283 Cdn). In Thailand, it's considered an insult to not bargain.

Since my visa is at the max (thank-you, you old duck!), we put my purchase on my mom's credit card. I promise to pay her back, but we both know that will never happen. Great, eh? I'm here for less than a day, and my credit card is maxed out.

Anyhow... it drizzled a little bit today, but not enough to dampen my enthusiasm for this wonderful country and hot women.

We get back to our hotel at 6PM on the dot. The security guard who asked if I would meet her at the time is happy to see me... I tell my mom I'm going to go out with Boon-mee (I swear. I can't make stuff up this good!), and that I'll see her at 8PM for dinner.

Getting out of the car, Boon-mee entwines her arm around mine and off we march into the hot sticky evening of Bangkok.

Now, I should state that she has already changed clothes, is wearing a light sun dress with underwear... but with the way we talk with each other, I'm pretty sure one or both will be off soon enough.

We go for a drink at a local bar. Everyone seems to know her - and in a nice way. And a few of the locals come over to talk and find out about me. Both men and women. It seems like she has friends here, and if she has done this before, no one slips up and says anything to freak me out.
 
Let me just tell you that Thailand seems to have a hell of a lot more hot women than any place I've ever been... On a scale of 10 (with 10 being the highest) It's like a Thai 6 is a Canadian 8. Tookta was Thai 9 and Boon-mee is a Thai 8. What the hell is with this country?


We finish our drink and then head out to a secluded part of the large parking lot back at the hotel... I'm a guest so I get in no problem, and she's an employee, so no problem. This is like two nights, and two women. I love Thailand and Thailand loves me. Three times this evening.


Drained, I head back covered in lipstick to my hotel room for a quick shower to wash away the evidence of date. I can't get rid of my grin, however. It's been on since I arrived.

At dinner back at the hotel restaurant, Tookta serves us again and services me later that night... thank god I have several hours to recover.

Now maybe it's because Tootka told her friends at the restaurant that we had done the deed (done several deeds), but while I was eating my dinner, I looked around and espied the other waitresses staring at me... and when catching my eye, smiling back.

Holy Kop Koon Krap! (Kop Koon Krap means 'thank-you' in That). I thought Japan was the best place to have women ask me out. Nope. So far, it's Thailand. Three encounters in two days.

How long are we staying here? I'm for three more days? Krap!

So far, none of the women seem screwy in the head. Just horny. Thailand has already begun to restore my faith in women.

I love this country!

Somewhere needing more condoms already,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by the J. Geils Band: CONTEMPLETE
PS: The hotel sells western-sized condoms. I load up for here, a broad and for Japan. I buy 10 boxes, with each box containing a dozen. I have high hopes for this year, apparently.
PPS: The photo above is of the black star sapphire ring I bough in Thailand. Yup... that's the box it came in. I still have the certificate of authenticity, too. It looks like I never throw anything out, eh?
PPPS: Sorry for not having this finished properly until 45 minutes after I published it! My bad!

Bike

It's Thursday, July 25, 1991. I'm a junior high school assistant English teacher working for the Ohtawara Board of Education in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

My friend Matthew from upstate New York who teaches at a whole whack of junior high schools outside the Ohtawara City area--and who lives five minutes away from--has come up with a plan for us today as we're on vacation.

We've decided to go to Nasushiobara-machi (It's now known as Nasushiobara-shi... a city after merging with Kuroiso-machi and Nishinasuno-machi in 2005). By bicycle.

It seems like a great idea. I have no idea where it is actually, except that it's north of my apartment building... somewhere in those mountains in the photo up above.

I'm lousy with directions--both here in Japan and back home in Canada. I get lost constantly. But this time have sided with Matthew who speaks more Japanese than myself by far, we should be okay. Besides... he knew how to get there.

A mutual friend, Kevin, who worked for an American company that had an exchange program with its Japanese parent company, had provided Matthew with some instructions.

Despite it being July... this time I was smart enough to suggest to Matthew that it might be cold up in the mountains... Matthew's response was: "D'uh." He knew already and was prepared with a windbreaker and jeans--pretty much what I was wearing.

So... without much fanfare, we were off. It was a nice day... cool in the morning, but we knew that riding would make us warm, but being up in the mountains, it could be cool and windy. We didn't bother taking food or drinks with us, as we correctly surmised that we could find what we needed at a vending machine for drinks or at a restaurant or convenience store for food.

It wasn't long after leaving my place - maybe 30 minutes or so, that we figured we were lost. Totally lost. we were riding through a field (not a rice field... which was how we knew we weren't in Ohtawara... as that name translates into Big-Rice Field-Field). We had both pretty much only ever seen rice fields here in our city...

Still, we knew where the mountain was. North.

It didn't matter. Matthew seems to have a innate sense of direction.. and we enjoy the ride... watching as white cars drive at us only to swerve at the last second and honking at us to let us know that they saw us:

"Hora! Gaijin-da!" (Look! Foreigners!)
 
It would be bad form to hit two gaijin (foreigners) at once... especially two mildly famous ones in the Prefecture.

We stop off at a vending machine and grab a drink. I get a Coke... and a Georgia Coffee (cold coffee in a can manufactured for the Asian market by Coca-Cola... Matthew gets some Japanese drink. I swear that boy is more Japanese than the Japanese sometimes.

We stop off at a 7-11 and get some onigiri (Japanese rice balls)... with the most awesome packaging... It's a triangle of rice about four inches along each plane and one inch thick. Inside it in the very middle is a dollop of white tuna or a umeboshi (sour plum) or some veggies.

First you pull tab one which splits the packaging.  Then you plug ontabs two and three to pull apart the film package. There is, as mentioned an inside layer of clear film that holds the nori (seaweed). The clear film around the nori keeps it crisp and dry. Removing it, you simply wrap/fold the nori around the rice ball/triangle and then you munch away. There is a way to never actually touch the rice  ball with your fingers while wrapping it - and I've watched a few drunk Japanese businessmen to learn how.

It is sooooo delicious. I usually have three to fill me up as a whole meal. I always get the sea chicken and mayonnaise style... Sea chicken is white tuna meat. The Japanese never really used to east white tuna meat (only red tuna meat) until maybe 20 years ago, as it was considered the garbage part of the tuna.To differentiate it from the red tuna, the name "Sea Chicken" was concocted for the Japanese market. The Japanese don't know why.. and neither do most gaijin.... but back in Canada, I used to watch these television commercials that asked: "What's the best tuna? Chicken Of The Sea!"

Yes, Chicken Of The Sea was a brand of tuna in a can. I ate it all the time back in Toronto. So... for the Japanese... sake (pronounced "sha-kay") is red tuna meat... and white tuna (pronounced "she chi-con") is based on a brand of canned tuna.    

Back on the bike... I only had one gear working on my bicycle... and the chain was groaning and creaking like my grandfather's knees. I guess I should have oiled it at least once since getting the bike a year ago.

Matthew at Mt. Nasu

We finally arrive and head over to a large part up the mountain. See... we have proof that we made it.

After 1-1/2 hours there, we head for home. But we decide to race... because we're in our mid-20s and in such great shape... right.

Matthew has more speed than me thanks to the lack of any gear shifting, but when he has to coast to catch his breath, my bicycle catches up thanks to its superior gliding power. No matter what he does, when he stops pedaling, I stop too, but I catch up and actually have to hit the brakes to avoid getting too far ahead.

We ride on to Nishinasuno-eki (Nishinasuno Train station) and park our bikes and head onto a local JR (Japan Rail) train for a ride down to Utsunomiya-shi, the capital of Tochigi-ken.

There we catch the movie Robin Hood (Kevin Costner's)--which we both agree is pretty decent.

Back home, I relax and do a bit of my puzzle and watch some more videos. I step back out onto my bicycle and head over to one of the three 7-11's near my apartment and get some more onigiri for my dinner.

Andrew at Mt. Nasu

Back home... I collapse I quickly eat, stay up a 1/2 hour longer and then go to bed early at 10PM.

I should be in pain tomorrow.

Somewhere tomorrow came early,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Pink Floyd: GERALD. It's a real old one

PS: I love Matthew's sense of adventure. My wife does that sort of stuff, too. I probably wouldn't go anywhere for fear of getting lost if it wasn't for people like this. As a result of Matthew's get up and go, aside from the leg and back muscles hurting, I got to see stuff I have already seen, but I did so from the perch of my bicycle and got to experience the sights, the sounds and the smells of Japan.
PPS: Okay... the photos of Matthew and myself are actually from another trip we did from Mt. Nasu in the same area. I think.   

Hooked On A Feeling

It's Monday, July 15, 1991, Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.
I had a great week-end.
Not only did I buy a small motorcycle, but my ex-girlfriend Ashley and I hooked up for a steamy session of, well... sex. It was mutually rewarding and all of my plotting for the past month finally paid off - and how!
Today, while drained of energy and fluids, I've taken off from work.
I'm going Ayu fishing.
I'm up at 7AM and quickly get ready. Nakamura-san - my barber - comes over in his uncle's white car and we drive off to the Ohtawara fire station. It's a volunteers outfit, and I believe Nakamura-san volunteers. Regardless, we pick up some fireman's boots for me (they have to be extra large, because my 30 centimetre feet are three centimetres larger than the standard men's shoe size here in Japan.
We head out to the Naka-gawa (Middle River) here in Ohtawara. There, we buy some live ayu to use as bait as the fish are very territorial and will attack anything that doesn't belong in the area.
We travel along a road that to me resembles Africa (I've never been there, but if I had, I imagine it would look like that): the roads are pocked with holes and water hazards surrounded by lush foliage.
The green breaks suddenly into an open space and we turn down towards the river.
It's a cool and cloudy day, and all I can see of the sky are over-hanging clouds.
I put on my hip boots (knee-highs?), rain slicker and a long-sleeved shirt to protect myself against insects and wade into the river. It's cool but relaxing.
There are also another eight anglers in there.
Nakamura's uncle sets up my rod for me. It's nine-meters long. Really. He ties a lead to it and then the line. It's equal in length to the rod. At the end of the rod is the hook. We take an Ayu and insert a nose ring through its nostrils and a small hook below its dorsal fin (the main one atop its back). A three-pronged hook flows behind its tail.
An Ayu is supposed to attack the bait and hook itself on the three-pronged hook.
I cast and place the bait fish in the water and hold the rod up and let the current take it downstream and then lower the rod. You have to keep the line tight so the bait fish doesn't try and hide under the rocks. You also have to pull from the left and right or against the current.
By noon, my bait is exhausted. I eat lunch and let my bait rest. I've caught nothing, but I've learned a lot.
Nakamura's uncle has caught two and Nakamura-san has caught one Ayu. Even back home I never could catch fish. But who cares? It's fun!
After lunch we move to the Hoki-gawa (Broom River) and fish again. We also bought new bait.
Uncle says its a bad day for fishing as the water is too rough and its too cool out. He say he usually catches 30 to 35 fish! I don't feel so bad.
I have fun and wade out to the middle of the river. The water hits the top of my boots, but it doesn't matter as I'm already soaked. It seems that there is a zipper on my fireman's boots - so it's not water-proof.

We pack up and leave by 5:30PM, and arrive home at 6PM. It's like clock-work in this country... which is why I mention the time so often in these blogs.
After a shower (I smell like bait!), I make some dinner and watch television--a bacon, lettuce and cheese sandwich and a Coca-Cola--and watch some television. There's a baseball game on, so I get a good idea of what the announcers are actually talking about - as I know the sport pretty darn well.
I go to my extra-curricular English class I teach and give them a test describing parts of the human body. It's not a formal class, and the point is to learn and have fun learning.
Back home, my friend Naoko phones and tells me that Takako (Matthew's girlfriend) and Mrs. Narita (one of my cougar students at night school) have told Naoko that I am taking Shoko to a dance on Saturday night.
Rumours - or were they plotting something on my behalf.
Shoko is a very attractive, shy woman who is in my night school class. I do like her a lot, but her English isn't very good. But she is very pretty and she does like me, so I'm sure we could figure out a way to communicate.
Anyway, Naoko is shocked. She and Shoko are very good friends and she didn't know we were going out.
I tell Naoko that I'm not taking Shoko - that it's news to me!
And then it hits me. Last Tuesday while I was getting a back massage from Ashley (part of my seduction plan), Takakao had called and told me I should ask out Shoko. I said I would.
Apparently, I had forgotten about that until earlier this afternoon, and promised myself I would ask her out later tonight at class.
But I didn't. I didn't feel like it... but I did edge around whether or not Shoko would be there--but Shoko said she was busy anyways and wouldn't be attending.
I suppose I was a little mad a Takako and Mrs. Narita for gossiping - but to be honest, they were just trying to be helpful, and how could I be angry at that? I'm just glad that Shoko didn't hear about it before hand.

Ashley calls after I hang-up and acts rather non-chalantly about the past week-end... even kind of snobby... like it was no big deal. What the hell is wrong with women? Or me?

I'm pissed off and go to bed at 12AM.

Somewhere using the wrong bait,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by B.J. Thomas: BAIT

Whole Lotta Love

It's part two of July 4, 1991.
My ex-sexual partner Junko was stalking me until Shibata-sensei at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan found out and asked me if I wanted it stopped.
Agreeing, he made a phone called and then told me "It's done" before walking away to finish his cigarette.
I leave school and ride my bicycle home and feel as though I'm being followed by a white car—not a stretch considering most of Japan's cars seem to be white. But Junko, being female, I'm guessing doesn't have a white car. She would have one of those miniature pastel coloured cars manufactured by a car company so small I've never heard of it... but it was still quite popular in creating cars specifically for women.
I don't see Junko following me, but she's pretty darn good at it, so who knows. I would assume that any plan concocted by Shibata-sensei is still going to take a little while to begin.
Regardless... I ride home to my three-bedroom apartment and see Ashley sitting on the front steps waiting for me.
 I don't tell her about Junko because while Ashley and I are no longer a couple, I still want to figure out a way to get sex. I've spent the past couple of weeks slowly breaking down the wall she put up between us to ensure we didn't get back together again - because she really needs her space.
Yeah.
That's why she's waiting for me at my apartment. That's why she agreed to come over for dinner tonight. She needs space.
Soon.
We chat a bit while we sit on my couch. I can feel her leg on mine - and she doesn't pull away.
There's heat.
We cook up a pot of my famous/infamous chili and watch another episode of Designing Women on my Video Tape Recorder.
At 7PM, she gets ready to leave. I call her back, grab her hand, put my arm around her waist - there's no resistance. I'm sure France was easier to take over in WWII than this. Sorry France.
But not tonight.
Still... I tell her I'm not ashamed of her–she seemed to think I was, even believing that Matthew didn't like her. And while I never asked Matthew about that - he never said anything like that to me or ever gave that impression to me.
She smiles and says 'thanks.'
I tell her she doesn't have to leave, but she turns to go anyway... so I grab her again in a hug and kiss her hairy head and then give her a coy wink with a smirk on my face that would get me laid in the best whore houses in France for 200 Euros. Sorry again, France.
She turns and smiles a good bye as she leaves.
Well... that was easy. I sure hope Junko isn't waiting outside my apartment to kill Ashley.
I head out to night school to teach - there's a large crowd. There's even another gaijin (foreigner) there... Sarah, a heavy Italian girl from Hawaii who leads the discussion. That's fine. It's English conversation, and tonight I'm content to listen and chime in with the usually sexual innuendo. She's staring at me. Normally I wouldn't mind, but she does seem to outweigh me by some 20 kilograms, and these days I've hardly been starved of sex thanks to Junko, and probably Ashley again, very soon. So... I'm not biting.
I think the level of talk is too high for the group, as we chat about unions and the mob. Great. Leave it to the Italians to bring up the mob. Sorry France... I mean Italy. I just somehow expected it to be France's fault.
I go home and as I take off my shoes the door bell rings. It's Junko... but before I can open the door to let her in, I see two men behind her lurking in the shadows. One of them calls to her - she turns and runs down the stairs near my apartment and (after I run to the front balcony I see that:) she's trying to get into a car... it's red. See... I knew she wouldn't have anything but a chick car!
Anyhow... there's another man standing beside the driver's door - and he's not letting her in. He's not grabbing her or anything - he's just leaning against the car door casually smoking a cigarette.
I don't recognize any of the men.
I shout down at them to leave her alone... but the smoker yells up: "Daijobu, An-do-ryu-sensei." (It's okay Andrew teacher)... and then in English says loudly: "Junko-chan... you masto leavu An-do-ryu-sensei alone. Iki masho. (Let's Go!) We willu taku you baku to your maza's house."
I think he said he would take her back to her mother's house. Even I can't understand what I wrote.
And with that, Junko-chan seemed to slump with resignation and followed the men to their car, while another got into her red woman's car and followed close behind.
I went back into my apartment and closed the sliding doors to the balcony and drew shut the drapes and went to my fridge to get a Coke.
The phone rang... I picked it up reluctantly on the 36th ring... that's how you know it's a Japanese person on the other end... they ring more than seven times without hanging up. Or it could be Matthew.... and I swear he was becoming more Japanese everyday.
Regardless... it was Shibata-sensei, but he never said his name. I'm the one saying the Japanese words... Hmmm... maybe I'm turning Japanese? Probably. I think I repeatedly bowed to the phone while I was talking.
"An-do-ryu-sensei?"
"Hai (yes.)"
"It's done."
"I thought you said it was done before?"
"It's done now. Good night."
"Oyasuminasai (Good night)."
I hung up, turned on the television and had a long swig of Coke.
I never saw Junko again. I'm unsure if she saw me again.
By the way... if I had seen what Junko was wearing - or rather NOT wearing this evening, I would have taken on those three guys myself to stop them from having her stalk me. Any girl who dresses like that can stalk me any day.
Somewhere wondering what I have done,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Led Zeppelin: BACKTOSCHOOLIN'
PS: Just to let me know that there are other women in the world, along with see Ashley, and being hit on by Sarah, today I received in the mail a package from Kristine in Shiga-ken, a letter from a very beautiful adult student of mine who moved away to Ibaraki-ken - Yumiko Ebe, and a letter from Juanita back in Toronto.  Yet... I'm still by myself again, and despite opinions to the contrary, I don't take any satisfaction from that.
PPS: I love France. In fact... earlier this evening, I saw England. I saw France. I saw Junko's underpants.
I know... what's the big deal when I've already seen her naked so many times - but she sure looked sexy!  I miss her her sexy knock on my door... and that sexy way she rings my doorbell. Yes... you just put your finger on the button and press... but she had a way of making it look... sexy. I'm done. I'm going to bed now.

Golden Week Travel Down

On Friday,April 29, 2011, Japan was abuzz with folks traveling across thecountry and abroad for the annual Golden Week holidays – though relative topast years, the number of travelers appears to be down following the March 11,2011earthquake and tsunami disaster.

Atthe onset of the 10-day vacation period through May 8, railway stations andairports in Tokyo were jammed with people traveling to tourist spots or theirhometowns.

TheTohoku Shinkansen Line resumed full services throughout its route from Tokyo toShin-Aomori Station the same day, recovering from disruptions nearly 50 daysafter being stricken by the disaster. Seat reservations at Japan Railwaycompanies and airlines were down compared to past years

AtNarita International Airport (the so-called Tokyo Airport), the number ofpassengers using the airport during Golden Week is expected to be half of otheryears, as the disaster and the massive accident at the crippled Fukushima-ken (Fukushima Prefecture)Dai-ichi (Big One) nuclear plant have discouraged people from going abroad.

Still,tourist traffic made a relatively solid start at the onset of this year’s longholiday.

EastJapan Railway Co. said shinkansen (bullet) trains on its Tohoku, Yamagata and AkitaShinkansen lines were congested, though there were some vacant seats.

Thefirst service of the day by the new Hayabusa bullet train was sold out by noonThursday. The first new model developed by JR East since 1997 began its serviceon March 5, 2011 but was suspended only six days later with the magnitude 9.0quake and began operations again on April 29, 2011.

Onthe Tokaido Shinkansen Line of Central Japan Railway Co., or JR Tokai, thenumber of passengers on the train that departed at 6AM. was at 30 per centabove capacity.

Onthe Tomei Expressway linking the cities of Tokyo and Nagoya, a 49-kilometre traffic jam was seenin Isehara-shi (Isehara City), Kanagawa-ken (Kanegawa Prefecture).

AtTokyo’s Haneda airport, flights departing for domestic airports were almostfull.

AtNarita International Airport, the departure lobby was seen bustling with manyfamilies departing for overseas tourist spots like Guam, Hawaii and Europeancountries, although the number of people departing from it Friday is estimatedat only 26,300, down a sharp 20,000 from 2010.

Filesby Andrew Joseph

Slow Ride

It's Saturday, June 29, 1991.
I'm up at 7:30AM. It looks kind of cool outside, but I say screw it and wear shorts anyway.
Myself, Kanemaru-san (one of my two bosses from the OBOE (Ohtawara Board Of Educaction), his wife (name - no idea) and his youngest son, Tomohiro (who is skipping school - in Japan, kids go to school for a half day on Saturdays) go for a car ride to the west... to Nikko-shi (City of Nikko) in Japan. I've been living in Japan for 11 months now - and I love it despite the language, cultural barriers... but the friendliness of its inhabitants and good gaijin (foreigner) friends like Matthew, Jeff, Kristine and Ashley (my ex-girlfriend) make it a wonderful place to be. Most of the time. I have my ups and downs, but the ups far outweigh the downs - like 100 to 1.
Rather than drive to Nikko proper - the temple town, we drive up to the mountainous area.
As we approach a long bridge spanning two mountains, I see a hoist over the bridge going down into the chasm. I just know instantly that its there to pick up a dead body from the canyon below.
We don't stop, though despite our curiosity... we leave the morbid curiosity to the 20 cars that have stopped along the bridge to see the corpse. It means we have less traffic on the road, too.
About 10 minutes later we do stop on a bridge. It's apparently the highest elevated bridge in Japan. While it's only 135 metres high - it is high up in the mountains - so it has a spectacular view... at least I assume so, as there was a really good fog blocking off the sight lines.
The fog was really thick... but still, there were dragonflies everywhere - it was beautiful, but kind of sick toi hear them crunch under your shoe as we walked... that's how many of them there were.
(For some reason... in my diary I wrote: "all we needed was an earthquake".... which I assume would have meant me falling off the mountain).
We drove up another mountain and then took a left onto another plateau. we looked around. went higher. Looked at the fog. Spectacular fog! No view, but it was great fog!
Tomohiro was catching dragonflies and pulling off one wing and keeping them in his bag. Tomohiro was about 5. He's cruel, and I figure he'll make a fine banker one day.
Then we drove down, down, down! We looked for sembei (rice crackers - man, I love those!) and then went sightseeing in Nikko. We saw a row of 44 Buddhas - and a beautiful raging river.
It was very hot now and it was only lunch time.
We drove down to the capital city of Utsunomiya-shi. They visited their daughter at university there while I passed out in the car. Honestly... there's no need for her to meet the gaijin, is there?
Then we drive home.
I relax for two minutes and then get dressed to go to Takako's concert. She squeaks the clarinet twice, but looks spectacular, so who cares. Matthew is a lucky guy.
After, she Matthew and myself go to the 4C for a couple of drinks.
And because I noticed this, I'm going to write it anyway.
Takako got smashed and was pressing her body up against me. Matthew trusts me, so I earn that trust. It does make me a bit uncomfortable because I do like Takako and I am very single... but Matthew is so much my friend that I only enjoy the pressure and never think about anything else. Why can't that girl hook me up with one of her friends? Oh yeah... she knows me.
Anyhow... Matthew drives Takako's car home to her place - flawlessly on a right-hand drive stick shift. I have no idea how the heck he does that, especially knowing that he had a couple of drinks. The guy is Batman.
I'm in bed by 12:30AM. Slightly drunk. Very tired and incredibly horny. Where's Junko or Ashley?
The phone rings, but I don't answer it.


Somewhere wondering who they fished out of the canyon,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Fog Hat - for obvious reasons: TAKEITEASY
PS: Kanemaru-san drove a white Cherry Vanette.