Sunny Days

It’s Tuesday, September 17, 1991 and I feel better today, though with the lack of sleep I am still mentally and physically tired. Emotionally – ahhhh, pretty good.

It might be because today I get to go to work at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. After arriving here from Toronto nearly 14 months, I have been enjoying my time here as an assistant English English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme, though I am unaware of what Canada got in exchange for me. Probably peace and quiet and a higher domestic IQ.

This school is the largest in Ohtawara – and while the kids aren’t necessarily the smartest or the nicest in Japan, they are rather smart and nice – and that’s good enough for me, especially since I spent last week at the what I have dubbed “The School From Hell” – one Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School). I might be wrong in that assessment, but it’s how I feel.

Here at Dai Chu (the nickname for Ohtawara Junior High School) the students come walking calmly up tp me with smiles on their faces to not only greet me, but to talk to me in English first, and then Japanese to see if I have increased my language skills. I have. Sadly not by a lot.

I haven’t seen these kids in a few months, and I have missed them even if I don’t know them by name, I know them by face and actions. They are great kids and hopefully will be great adults.

After lunch with a third-year class, I play some baseball and have a lot of fun.

The whole day is an exercise in Japan proving to me that all my fears about belonging here are unfounded... I mean, students put their hand up to volunteer answers – it might not really be a first here, but it seems like it.

After an enjoyable day with the kids, I go home and don’t really have to unwind or relax. I already feel that way. I go shopping for some food – dinner and Coca-Cola – I buy some pork tontatsu and rice already cooked and just need to heat it up in my convection oven/microwave.

I head over to my night school class – and while there are only six adults there – well... who cares? We have a great class. Shoko isn’t there – the young lady I like, and who likes me – and while I do wonder where she is, my class is probably better than ever as I can concentrate on teaching and having fun rather than trying not to stare into her beautiful brown eyes or get caught staring at her legs as she demurely shields her face from my hungry eyes.

After class, I ride my bicycle over to the local video rental store and get the 1953 movie The Hitch-hiker (intresting enough written by Robert Joseph - no relation) and try to watch it while doing my puzzle. I stop the movie and instead call up one of the newly arrived women on the JET Programme – Amanda Goodsell, a tall bubbly blonde who has zero to interest in me sexually, but I like her. She’s not only cute and smart but possesses a real sarcastic wit that is a complete turn-on for me. We exchange life stories over the course of two hours.

Why am I calling up new JET arrivals every night? Well, to be honest, I am only calling up new female JET arrivals every night... but I know what the first month was like for me in Japan. No, no one asked me to call up people, but aside from the possibility that I might get laid, I just want to make sure everybody survives unscathed. Helping people makes me feel more alive.

That first month in Japan while completely scary, was euphoric... but that next month... when we started work for the first time... that’s when I started to get stressed out a bit by the enormity of the challenge of trying to survive all day long where you may not be understood by a single person. Fortunately for me, my English teachers at the schools were all pretty damn good – and my bosses at the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) were fantastic at keeping tabs on my general well-being without being snoopy.

Amanda, however, is surprisingly well adjusted. She will do well here.

When we finish talking and do my puzzle again and finish the movie and finally crash at 2:30AM?!

Japan has magically restored by faith in her. Or maybe I just feel happy knowing I don’t have to go back to Hell for a while.

Somewhere it’s a different day,
Andrew Joseph

Today’s blog is by Canadian group Lighthouse: WORKSOHARD

Get back

Crap. First off.... Happy Father's day.

Second... sorry for being late with the blog.

Third... sorry... I screwed up, and skipped ahead a day. Thanks to all who pointed that out. Okay... no one did. I caught the mistake myself.

Fourth... I had a few rum & cokes... then I realized I forgot to blog, and that I skipped a day. When it rains it pours. I hope my typing is up to speed.

Here is the missing day. It's Wednesday, August 14, 1991. Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

Karen... the new kid on the Tochigi-ken (Toichigi Prefecture) block calls early and says she'd like to come over.

Karen and I met a week ago when she first arrived in Japan. She's a young, attractive redhead with big boobs, pale white skin, freckles, a couple of pounds overweight, funny, articulate, intelligent... so what's wrong with her? She seems to have a lot of baggage. That's just my opinion, though. While she likes me (a lot!!), she wants to slow things down so we can have a proper relationship.

To be honest - and this isn't fair to her - I don't want a relationship. I do... just not with her. I want sex. Sex would be good. But what I really want is a relationship with my current friend-with-benefits, Ashley... who also happens to be my ex-girlfriend here in Japan.

She broke things off with me claiming I was suffocating her. Maybe. All I know is she was over at my place five times a week. Maybe she liked to eat my food. She was able to save enough money to go back home to Augusta, Georgia a couple of weeks ago, while I had to rely on my mom to buy me a ticket to Thailand, where I met her last week before heading back here to Japan (with mom in tow) two days ago. Someone is being used.

Life is complicated here in Japan. In Thailand, I was banging two Thai women at different points in the day... and on the last day there, both at the same time. Okay... that's physically impossible, but you know what I mean. There was no jealousy at all. No complications... just sex without the hang-up of emotional baggage.

Oh... did I mention my friend John has flown over from Toronto to spend some time in Japan? Sure I have a 3-bedroom place... but man... I need my space, baby. I'm a loner. Always been, probably always will be. I need my own downtime. My very good friends back in Toronto, Nigel, Rob, Kevin... they know this and are smart enough not to constantly call me. I still love them all - even when I'm incommunicado (hint, hint)... sometimes, I'm just tired, over-worked or simply down on myself and need time to think. I wish I could be that social guy... you know the one who wears the mask here in Japan pretending to be the social butterfly... but I'm not. I'm a pretty damn fine actor when I have to be.

Japan kills me sometimes. Slowly by degrees.

No wait. Scratch that. Japan is fine. It's uplifting and exciting and I learn something new every day. I kill myself a little every day. I'm just a tad too introspective for my own good. I'll have to do something about that one day. Maybe soon. Maybe I should just throw caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may.

Maybe the threesome thing in Japan taught me that I should just say 'screw this' and have some fun! I owe it to myself. We all do, don't we? Why should I always have to be responsible?

The answer to that one is actually quite easy. Prior to arriving in Japan... I wasn't responsible. At all. Japan has forced me to grow up. But it comes with a price. I'm conflicted. I mean I had to grow up literally overnight. I didn't get to grow into it. I moved from Toronto to Ohtawara, and had the opportunity to re-invent myself.

Why didn't I reinvent myself into someone cool? Probably because I didn't realize the reinventing was going on while I was reinventing. I was just rolling with the punches and trying to survive being a stranger in a strange land.

Holy crap... I'm getting maudlin here. Damn rum and cokes.

Anyhow... Karen. She calls and wants to come over... so, like a good little obedient sheep, I ride over to Ashley's place in Nishinasuno-machi (Nishinasuno Town) and then take her bicycle over to the station. Yes... I have her bicycle key. This way, Karen can ride Ashley's bike from Nishinasuno-eki (two stops north of her town in Yaita-shi), over to my city of Ohatawara.

Karen doesn't know about Ashley and our current or previous relationship...

Karen is waiting for me on the wrong side of the train station... and it takes me 20 minutes to notice.

We ride back slowly to my apartment. Chatting, occasionally holding hands, having a good time like couples are supposed to in the television commercials. What the heck am I doing?

Karen and my mom get along like long lost friends! Cripes! They just sit on the couch together and talk and talk and talk.

My mom, Lynda, to her credit, knows I was a whore in Thailand, and that I am sleeping with Ashley and apparently half the female population of Ohtawara... but doesn't say anything untoward to Karen. She really likes her. Could I be mistaken about Karen? I mean, if my mom likes here... shouldn't I? I do... but I'm conflicted!

I make a lot of tea and toast. My mom likes tea, and Karen is sick. Did I mention they were knitting together? Fawk! Who does that? Someone is is trying to ingratiate herself in with my mom, I suppose.

I ride back with Karen to the train station at 6PM. I miss another back doctor appointment - its been four weeks! I am stiffer than a 13-year-old in a whore house!

Suzuki Tokunori (a local farmer and head of the Ohtawara International Friendship Association) calls and invites myself, John and Mom... and the new people, like Karen, to travel with him to the historical city of Nikko on Friday. That should be fun.

While I have been to Nikko some 10 times now... it would be nice to have a tour guide who spoke English to teach me everything about this wonderful old town. Suzuki-san is a really fun and nice man.

However... at this point in time, I am really sick after contracting dysentery from my recent trip to Thailand. I haven't been able to keep anything in me for a couple of days now.

Somewhere my life is in the crapper,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Beatles. I like listening to The Beatles whenever I'm down or confused... like today. It's like they have a song about every single one of my emotions. I could easily use a Beatles song for every single day of my life here in Japan. JOJO.

21st Century Schizoid Man

It's Saturday, July 20, 1991 - Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

Last night was the first time since Ashley and I broke up that she actually spent the night. For the past week now, we've been having sex again as part of a friend's with benefits thing. It's good for Ashley and it's good for me. It's also good for the people around me, as my mood has certainly improved.

We get up this morning and have sex for 2-1/2 hours! We then talk about us, and really, it seems to be more about friendship than relationship... which is what Ashley wants. To be honest, you could keep all that... I enjoy the sex.

Ashley was never the most beautiful woman on the planet, but there was something about her I thought was beautiful... and isn't that what counts? Yes, she was also the first woman I had ever had sex with, and I suppose that made her even extra special in my head. I've certainly had a lot of sex with a fair number of women since arriving in Japan almost one year ago. I've been with women that would make the average guy's head spin with jealousy... even I have no idea how or why these women were with me, but why question that? I'm just enjoying the ride(s).

I ask Ashley about the condom thing... specifically why she now lets me in without a condom. She says she trusts me. She trusts me to pull out. It's bizarre. When we were dating she didn't trust me? Cripes... I wanted to date her and have sex with her, but I wasn't interested in being a father to her kids - at least not here in Japan when she's 22 and I'm 26! And now that we're not an official couple, she trusts me enough to take that risk?

I'm not the world's smartest guy, but it still doesn't make sense to me. But since I'm not the world's stupidest guy, I leave it at that. Why rock the boat when I'm having my cake and eating it too, if you know what I mean.

We dress and go to CoCo's for brunch, but she soon has to head down south to Oyama-shi to pick up a microwave oven from Peter, who's leaving the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme in a couple of weeks.

Parting at CoCo's, I go home and relax by watching a few videos. It's a beautiful day today, but I am still mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted by the events of the past 12 months - girlfriend, no girlfriend, stalker girlfriend, various one-night-stand girlfriends, friend's with benefits thing. Forget about Japan being tough to live in as it's my first time away from home. That's freaking easy. The tough part has been dealing with the women coming in and out of my life.

Later that night when Ashley's back, she invites me over to watch Field of Dreams. Damn movie makes me cry every time... especially that part where he plays catch with his dead father. We don't have sex, but we are cozy and pretty relaxed around each other.

I go home at 11PM and start doing my puzzle of The Tower of Babel, with art by Pieter Breugel.

I suddenly fixate. This was something I used to do when I would have sleeping and waking dreams of drowning by falling under ice on a river when I'm 87 years-old. I would just zone out and be carried away by the dream.

In this case, I'm swallowed up and lose control of what I'm doing... by that it feels like there's something short-circuiting in my brain that won't allow me to stop doing what I'm doing until my brain is ready to relinquish control.

This is something that has hit me only three or four times outside of my drowning dream in 46 years, but this is the first time it has happened in the 26 years since my birth. It's kind of freaky... and since I'm not doing anything stupid or nefarious... I let it take over. I still have control over my thoughts. I am aware of what I am doing - it's just that I can't stop. Like I said... at least I'm not doing anything stupid. Every time it's happened, I've been overly tired and it takes over while I do a specific function. In this case, it's putting a jigsaw puzzle together.

I feel pretty stupid telling you all about this. I haven't talked to anyone about it before - if I thought I was hurting myself or others I certainly would, but it always seems to manifest itself to help take chaos and make it into order.

I begin to pull pieces out of the box and slap them down onto the frame. Everything seems to be a perfect fit with every handful of puzzle pieces. It's like being completely in tune with the universe.

I want you to know that I'm not drinking or doing drugs.

I do about 180 pieces and I have no idea how I am doing it, but I am doing it. It's like my brain has taken over and is focusing even while I am trying to snap out of the focus--but I can't. I keep telling myself to stop; to get up; to leave; but I'm not listening to myself. I'm saying out loud "this is crazy", and it is.

I get up to get myself some Coca-Cola, and the feeling of extreme focus seems to dissipate. I actually have no idea when that feeling leaves me, but it does. I stare down at the puzzle and see all that I have done. What's weird(er), is that every single piece I picked up from the box I was able to place down where it needed to go. I did not pick up a single piece and put it back into the box. It was like being a cyborg for awhile. Half-man, half-mazing.

I go and take out my contacts from my tired eyes and put on my glasses--but as I am taking them out, I realize they are already out. Hunh. I must have missed doing that in my focused state.Okay. Now I'm a bit freaked out.

Have I completely zoned out and lost track of time? What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm afraid to lie down because I'm afraid that the dream of me dying willcome back - but this time it will be for real....

... yet, when I do lie down, I pass out immediately... and dream.

I don't recall my dreams very often... and when I do, it's usually, well, this sounds stupid, but it's usually something that comes true in the near future.. or it seems to. It's why I seem to experience deja vu quite often. Okay... that's just a theory. And not a very scientific one at that.

I believe in 'isms': mysticism, occultism, spiritualism... weird stuff... or at least I don't dis-believe it... but I do try and base everything around scientific fact. As a Catholic, do I believe the world was created in seven days? Not literally. I know my science, and I have faith in it.

In my dream, I see how angels travel. They merely open wide their arms and step through into the open space... to any time, to any place. I see ghosts in the video tape I see in my dream. I see the Tower of Babel and angels traveling.

It's a bizarre day to be sure and I have no idea what it means, but I sure hope this one doesn't come true in the near future.  

I must be more tired than I thought. Is it possible to hallucinate in one's own dreams?

Somewhere needing to spread my wings and fly by myself,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by King Crimson. I always loved the cover of this album, plus the frenetic musical notes at around the 2 minute mark. FACE.
PS: The image above is of the Tower of Babel puzzle. What do you think... Babel... people speaking different languages and no one understands each other. Confusing. It's me and Japan. It's me and all the different women in Japan. It's me being overly tired. It's me becoming mentally unstable. Let's see what happens over the next few weeks, shall we.