It's Oh So Quiet

It's another pretty good day for me. It's Wednesday, September 18, 1991 and I'm teaching this week at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.

I've been here for 13 months+ and I've had my ups and downs in Japan - most of it having to do with women - and not the fact I am living alone for the first time in my life, and doing so in a country I know next to nothing about.

My students are obedient, polite, smart and fun to be around - unlike some school's I won't mention. It was Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School).

I play baseball with the students after lunch again and have a great time talking in Japanese and English to them, as they do the same! This is what being a teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme is all about!

Since there's a teacher's meeting at 4PM, I get to leave early. despite being called a teacher here - I'm not really., I'm a walking, talking, hairy tape recorder - but it's okay. The job is actually easy at good school's like this where the students listen.

After riding home on my bicycle - it's a 10-minute trip, I head over to my back doctor. It's been seven weeks since I last had an adjustment, and man, it feels great! I guess I was merely out of sorts all this past time.

I go shopping and buy a Japanese ready-made meal, instead of going to a fast-food restaurant. If I could learn how to cook this stuff, I'd feel more Japanese than gaijin (foreigner), but cooking for one is an arduous, time-consuming chore.

Back home I eat and finish off half of the bottom of my 5000 piece puzzle of The Tower of Babel - and appropriate theme considering my Japanese language skills are not very good - and I doubt they ever will be. I'm not very good with languages - and even failed Grade 12 English once! (I am a writer now in 2011! So take that high school!)

I go to bed at 12:30AM - after deciding not to call up any more new female JET arrivals to chat. I enjoy the comfort of being alone.

Ashley, my friend-with-benefits (and ex-girlfriend here) did call me up to say she wouldn't be coming for our kyudo (Japanese archery) lesson today as she has the runs. I'm supposed to go by myself tonight, but decide I'm not really in the mood for the frustration the sport brings me.

Oh well... sometimes a guy just needs a night off to relax rather than to be everybody else's monkey.

Somewhere babbling to myself,
Andrew Joseph
Our musical guest sponsoring my title (okay, the song I chose for the title is played by:) is Björk: NICEANDICY-COOL. Her squinty eyes remind me of Ashley's.
PS - Where's all the excitement? Have you ever heard of the 'eye of the storm'? It's slowly coming. Patience, young Jedi.   

Sunny Days

It’s Tuesday, September 17, 1991 and I feel better today, though with the lack of sleep I am still mentally and physically tired. Emotionally – ahhhh, pretty good.

It might be because today I get to go to work at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. After arriving here from Toronto nearly 14 months, I have been enjoying my time here as an assistant English English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme, though I am unaware of what Canada got in exchange for me. Probably peace and quiet and a higher domestic IQ.

This school is the largest in Ohtawara – and while the kids aren’t necessarily the smartest or the nicest in Japan, they are rather smart and nice – and that’s good enough for me, especially since I spent last week at the what I have dubbed “The School From Hell” – one Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School). I might be wrong in that assessment, but it’s how I feel.

Here at Dai Chu (the nickname for Ohtawara Junior High School) the students come walking calmly up tp me with smiles on their faces to not only greet me, but to talk to me in English first, and then Japanese to see if I have increased my language skills. I have. Sadly not by a lot.

I haven’t seen these kids in a few months, and I have missed them even if I don’t know them by name, I know them by face and actions. They are great kids and hopefully will be great adults.

After lunch with a third-year class, I play some baseball and have a lot of fun.

The whole day is an exercise in Japan proving to me that all my fears about belonging here are unfounded... I mean, students put their hand up to volunteer answers – it might not really be a first here, but it seems like it.

After an enjoyable day with the kids, I go home and don’t really have to unwind or relax. I already feel that way. I go shopping for some food – dinner and Coca-Cola – I buy some pork tontatsu and rice already cooked and just need to heat it up in my convection oven/microwave.

I head over to my night school class – and while there are only six adults there – well... who cares? We have a great class. Shoko isn’t there – the young lady I like, and who likes me – and while I do wonder where she is, my class is probably better than ever as I can concentrate on teaching and having fun rather than trying not to stare into her beautiful brown eyes or get caught staring at her legs as she demurely shields her face from my hungry eyes.

After class, I ride my bicycle over to the local video rental store and get the 1953 movie The Hitch-hiker (intresting enough written by Robert Joseph - no relation) and try to watch it while doing my puzzle. I stop the movie and instead call up one of the newly arrived women on the JET Programme – Amanda Goodsell, a tall bubbly blonde who has zero to interest in me sexually, but I like her. She’s not only cute and smart but possesses a real sarcastic wit that is a complete turn-on for me. We exchange life stories over the course of two hours.

Why am I calling up new JET arrivals every night? Well, to be honest, I am only calling up new female JET arrivals every night... but I know what the first month was like for me in Japan. No, no one asked me to call up people, but aside from the possibility that I might get laid, I just want to make sure everybody survives unscathed. Helping people makes me feel more alive.

That first month in Japan while completely scary, was euphoric... but that next month... when we started work for the first time... that’s when I started to get stressed out a bit by the enormity of the challenge of trying to survive all day long where you may not be understood by a single person. Fortunately for me, my English teachers at the schools were all pretty damn good – and my bosses at the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) were fantastic at keeping tabs on my general well-being without being snoopy.

Amanda, however, is surprisingly well adjusted. She will do well here.

When we finish talking and do my puzzle again and finish the movie and finally crash at 2:30AM?!

Japan has magically restored by faith in her. Or maybe I just feel happy knowing I don’t have to go back to Hell for a while.

Somewhere it’s a different day,
Andrew Joseph

Today’s blog is by Canadian group Lighthouse: WORKSOHARD

Picking Up The Pieces

Boo-hoo. I was feeling pretty down and sad about myself and my wonderful rife yesterday. Really... never drink and then blog. I mean... look what happened to that poor girl on Japan's woman's soccer team! HERE

It's Friday, September 13, 1991.

I am still teaching English as an assistant teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme like I have been doing every day for nearly 14 months now.

I'm still not feeling much better about the job I am doing or effect I am having here at Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School), one of the seven junior high schools I visit in my hometown of Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.

I'm from Toronto, Canada. I'm 26 years old, and not including nursery school or kindergarten, I was a student for 21 years... and have been a teacher for just over one. That's a lot of school for someone who actually hates school.

But I do like kids. I do like Japan and the people here and honestly until I arrived here I had absolutely no interest in ever learning anything about Japan. Truth. I applied to the JET Programme because a girl I liked was applying.

I was just trying to get laid for the first time.

I got into the Programme and she did not. Sex was part of the equation when I landed here. But, thank-you Japan and the JET Programme), because after 14 months, I have become quite adept at getting laid. If I am bored or horny or appear to be single, I have a woman come up to talk and the next thing you know...

But today's blog is not about sex. I just wanted to talk about it, because as down as I sometimes get about life, I have had a wonderful rife here. You can to. Just invite me with you to Japan and I'll get you laid.

Actually, besides looking for a free ticket to Japan, I'm bragging.

Today still sucks at Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko. It's raining again, and I feel like I am just merely going through the motions here. The students act like they don't want to learn, and they are bring me down.

After class, I sit at a monchrome computer. You would think that Japan - with all of it's technical skill and industrial might - would have the coolest, most modern computers on the planet. Every computer I saw was an orange or a green monochrome computer. No one had the Internet. Of course, it was 1991.

I was writing away on the Japanese stylized keyboard - having programmed it to write in my preferred Canadian alphabet, when two female students come over to chat with me.

For 10 blissful minutes, we chat in English and Japanese and are having a great time discussing what Canada is like.

Then I have to go home!

They are taking me home JUST as someone finally wants to talk to me at this infernal school?!

Why am I going home? It's so damn early? Gunji-san the school nurse takes me home at 3PM, arriving 30 minutes later. Thanks to an all important teacher's meeting, myself and these two lovely young ladies get screwed out of some key internationalization between Canada and Japan.

Man, am I depressed!

I go shopping for some food for my dinner and the mope around my large apartment (it really IS large!) doing my crossword puzzle.

Oh! The students did do pull a funny trick on me earlier at lunch: one kid stuck a long, thick piece of yarn in the back of my pants so that it looked like a tail. I walked around school like that for 40 minutes until a teacher pointed it out.

That's the type of disobedient behaviour I like. Good-natured fun!

At home, I vegetate and don't do anything until 2AM tomorrow. Neither Matthew or Ashley call or come over. Very strange, but I appreciate the free time to feel sorry for myself.

I stay up late doing a whole of nothing (too bored to masturbate even!) knowing that I can sleep in tomorrow. I don't even mind that I'm sleeping alone tonight.

Somewhere puzzling,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Difford and Tilbrook: I'MINPRISON

Only God Knows Why

Y'know... 2011 (today) is kind of mirroring the mood I was in back in 1991 in Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.

In Japan (let's pretend we're back in 1991), I'm an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme, and have been living on my own for the first time in my nearly 27 years. I'm doing all right according to everyone else, but deep down inside I am frustrated.

I'm not naive enough to be a perfectionist - way too stupid or lazy for that. Rather, I think I should be better off than what I am or even where I am right now. I want to be better. A better teacher. A better boyfriend. A better person. Is that so wrong? Knowing that I am not, makes me sad, angry and frustrated - and I can't communicate that to anyone else here.

Today, Thursday, September 12, 1991 I'm at Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School) in Ohtawara.

The teachers are very nice and friendly, but that does not seem to be something the students (for the most part) are picking up from them. In fact, they don't seem to be learning much at all. Two days ago, however, I got a hug from a first year student (Grade 7) who said she 'loves Andrew'. It was a fantastic gift, and one I will treasure from that place forever - but there are too many negatives at that school. Negatives that far out-weigh the positives.

It's yet another lousy day at school. The students are all rude and act stupid... or they aren't acting and really are stupid. That's a blanket statement, and I shouldn't do that... so let's just say that most of them are rude and stupid... and that's what I take home from my day,

The teacher's know that their students are rude and crude and yet again take pity on me and don't force me to each lunch with a class. I usually eat lunch with a class - kind of a bonding thing, at every school I visit. I feel good, and the students learn first-hand that non-Japanese are not gaijin (foreigners/outsiders). I'm just a guy from another country who is happy to be here.

But these students make me feel unwelcome. I hate it!

When I go home, I need to decompress. I just want to be by myself and forget everything by doing my stupid 5,000 piece jigsaw puzzle of The Tower of Babel.

Hunh... in 2011 as I write this out for you, I suddenly understand the irony. The legend of the Tower of Babel written in the Book of Genesis in the Holy Bible was: after the Great Flood (Noah's Ark), the whole known world spoke a single language. We were united by language.

But, in the land of Shinar, the people there built a great city and decided to create a monument - a Tower - with its tip topping the very Heavens. But God came to see this and was not amused that they would dare try and touch Heaven before their time.

As a penalty, God said: "Come, let us go down and confound their speech."

I am unsure who the plural is in God's statement: "US". I guess it could imply the Holy Trinity.

So... the angry, vengeful God of the Old Testament made everyone speak in new languages... that confused people... that caused strife and angst.

To me, God was petty doing this. Be the bigger omnipotent being and simply tell them they shouldn't build a Tower like this. Give them some warnings. Why create an impossible language like Japanese that only the Japanese understand?

On one hand, by creating a confusing language like Japanese, the spiteful God created an identity for the Japanese, and generations later helped get me a job as an English teacher in Ohtawara... but dammit all to Hell. Somedays, like mine at Kaneda Kita Chu, I think God screwed up big time.

Where do you think the word "babel" came from? To talk incoherently. A noisy confusion. Welcome to Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko. And whatever god or gods there are out there... brother, you can keep it.

Somewhere not being understood,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Kid Rock: PAYBACK
PS: Hmm, I guess I'm not feeling too positive right now.
PPS: What's freaking scary is how these damn blogs seem to mirror how I am 20 years later. And, how there is a rock and roll song for every thing. Welcome to the soundtrack of my life. Shall I make us all a Mix Tape?

Anything But Ordinary

It's Wednesday, September 11, 1991... I'm having my own 9-11 problems today after last night's heavy drink party.

Luckily I never get hangovers, but I am tired and dehydrated! To celebrate, I sleep an extra 15 minutes until 7AM, and then get ready for work at Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School) where I am an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme here in Ohatawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan for 13 months.

It's raining today. A typhoon is blowing through, but luckily it's not a big one. It's just a very hard rain with some wind. No big deal as I get a car ride from the school's nurse, Mrs. Gunji.

Kita Chu. God, I hate this school. The students really are a pain in the butt. There are some nice kids, and the teachers are all very nice, but there is just a large amount of kids who are not interested in learning but are interested in disrupting classes so that no one can learn.

The whole area is dominated by a farming community, but that's no excuse. Sakyuma and Kaneda Minami and Chikasono are schools that derive their student population from farming families. I don't know... maybe Kaneda Kita is less economically successful than the other areas. I doubt it. They have a large, modern  and rather nice school. Far better than the old one at Chikasono.

Maybe it's just my luck that Kaneda Kita Chu is being run by a bunch of juvenile delinquents at this particular time - and maybe once they graduate (every student graduates from Japanese primary and junior schools here in 1991), the next generation of kids will be better.

I've met those kids from the nearby primary school (Ichinosawa Sho Gakko)... a few times now... and they are all pretty decent! So, I hope there is hope.

Let's skip ahead. School is over and I go home.

My ex-girlfriend Ashley who is now my friend-with-benefits comes over. It's that time of the month, I suppose. Whatever. It's still good to see her.

We chat and wait for Kanemaru-san to come and take us to our kyudo (Japanese archery) practice, but he doesn't show up. No phone call... nothing. That's not like him. I hope he's okay.

Still... that's okay by us, as Ashley and I are having a good time with each other... later when Kanemaru-san does come by at 6:30PM (30 minutes late), we pretend we're not home so that we can snuggle and watch some video taped television programs from home.

Ashley is acting in a very funny mood. I like it. I wish she was always so hilarious, but I guess it's a hormone thing.

At 10PM, I ride home with her, grab a decent kiss and buzz back home to work on my jigsaw puzzle.

Somewhere life seems normal,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by: Avril Lavigne: CREEPMYSELFGOUT

Magical Mystery Tour

Continuing Tuesday, September 10, 1991. I'm still living here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

My day started off with me not lookingforward to having to team-teach English at Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda NorthJunior High School). I hate that school. But despite no one there showing anyinclination that they might want to learn anything at school (not justEnglish), I enjoy myself watching the Sports Festival wacky events, and enjoyhanging out with some elementary school kids who come to visit. I'm also takenaback by the agressiveness of a 12-year-old student who looks like she's 21.

So there's good, the bad and the naughty.

After the sports day events, I leaveschool at 5:40PM and arrive home at 6PM thanks to Gunji-san's scary driving.I do some of my 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle and begin cleaning up myapartment.

 Look... I know I said I wouldn't mentionthe puzzle, but I didn't read that far ahead into my own diary whentranscribing it for you all here in this blog. Yes... I am doing the puzzle inmy underwear. Hah!

So... I've only just sort of noticed thatI clean my apartment a lot. I mentioned previously that I thought it was adefensive mechanism of mine when I was antsy or upset, or that I simply like aclean place.I am proud to state that the cleanlinessangle is really it. I'm having an acid flashback without doing anythingstronger than antacid.

When I first moved in to my apartmenthere in Ohtawara... there was a lone cockroach in the apartment that wasquickly stomped on my a floppy-slipper clad Hanazaki-san (one of my two bossesat the OBOE - Ohtawara Board of Education).It was there because the place had beenempty for two weeks prior to my arrival.

So... in order to ensure a cockroachnever encroaches in my apartment again, I vowed to make it a clean environment.Years later, I heard that cockroaches eatin messy places but prefer to live in clean environments. Anyone want toconfirm or deny?

Mr. Maniwa calls me up and asks if I amfree. I am anything but free, but I don't have anything better to do so I goover to his pharmacy located a three minute walk away.

Maniwa-san is an old lecherous man whosmokes and drinks too much and tried to squeeze Ashley's boobs very early inour sojourn here in Ohtawara. Ashley, my ex-girlfriend but currentfriend-with-benefits never really went near Maniwa-san again unless I was therewith her.

It's not an excuse, but Maniwa-san'sbehaviour was not atypical of Japan's male population. Of course not every guy gets drunk andsexually assaults a woman—because that is what it is—but a lot do. For examplenone of my bosses ever acted like that. However, I do know quite a few peopleon the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme who did. A lot of it wasmutual, though some of it was not. Again... I never made the first move onany woman here in Japan. Come on... how many other guys do you know who werestalked by a beautiful Japanese woman. I only had to call a stop to it when itbecame obvious that I was going to die from a lack of sleep and severedehydration. Other than that, I quite enjoyed all of the sex.

Regardless... despite Maniwa-san havingpawed at my girlfriend (and no, it doesn't matter that he didn't know she and Iwere together then... though he was probably the only one in the city whodidn't know that, despite Ashley telling everyone we aren't!), he was a niceguy. I don't really blame him for pawing at Ashley - I had done that enoughmyself.

Arriving at his pharmacy, he has anassistant watch the shop while he ushers me to a back room - he's not going tofeel me up, is he?

I'm pleasantly surprised to see a verypretty young woman there named Wada Ayako (surname first) and less happy to seeher boss introduced simply as Ozeki-san.

This is one of the things I absolutelyhate about Japan--and really, it's a cultural thing. People introducethemselves as So-and-So-san (Mr./Mrs. or Miss So-and-So). There's very rarelyan introduction involving a first name. I've seen students called other by theirlast name - never a first - and it throws me. Where's the familiarity? It seemscold to refer to another person solely by their family name. I know it's a signof respect, but using a person's given name (first name) implies friendship orfamiliarity.

Hell... why do the Japanese call meAn-do-ryu-sensei. Andrew is my first (given) name! Joseph is my family name. Ifyou want to treat me like you treat other Japanese people, shouldn't you call meJoseph-sensei? Surely it can't be because I'm a a gaijin (foreigner)? Actually,I think Japan does know that gaijin prefer to be called by their given name. Iguess Japanese prefer to be called by their surname. It's probably an honourable thing to do.

Both Mr. Ozeki and Ayako-chan work at theAiAi Town grocery store here in Ohtawara.Because Ayako is going to Australia for one year, she thought she coulduse some practice speaking English first.

Okay... so why bring your boss?

I'mbetting they don't have AiAi Town's in Australia, so this isn't a businessexchange. I'm confused.

Regardless, both Ayako and the Man WithNo First Name speak English very well. Ozeki-san knows some German, so we chat alittle bit that way, as well. I'm not fluent in German. What I do know is whatI have gleaned from Sgt. Rock comic books and through episodes of of the old television show Hogan'sHeroes. It's true.

Maniwa-san (actually, I only ever calledhim Mister Maniwa) goes out and brings back a lot of beer and sake (Japaneserice wine), and some jumbo shrimp and sashimi to eat. Wow!When we finish everything off, we go tothe 4C bar for more drinks. I don't know why... this is my hang-out with Ashleyand Matthew, but I've never seen any of these people there... it hardly seemslike Mister Maniwa's type of place. Too classy, if you know what I mean.

Ozeki-san and I have Apricot Cocktails.Believe me, I'm not bragging. It was his choice. We also have a couple ofbeers... I think I'm in the double digit numbers for booze. Oh... and cutie-pieAyako keeps up.

At the 4C, I meet a Japanese guy wholives in Tennessee, US. He calls him self a red-neck and is a laugh-a-minuteriot. I have no idea if I ever asked him why he has come back to Ohtawarabecause I was toasted.

Who knew an apricot cocktail could pack such a punch?

I go home at 11PM and quickly fall asleepon the sofa. I awaken at 2:30AM, take out my dry contact lenses and then go tobed.

Somewhere I'm a teacher English effin'gre- burp -great,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Beatles: ROLLUP
PS: When did I actually teach any English this evening?

Saints In Hell

So...  I have to go into the junior high school from Hell this week—Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School).

It's Tuesday, September 10, 1991 here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. I've been here for 13-1/2 months and have pretty much enjoyed my time here.

I'm up at 6:45AM and feel blah. Really tired. Probably because it's raining and it's the worst-behaved school of the seven I visit and perform assistant English teacher duties as part of the Japan Exchange & Teaching Programme, aka JET.

I get a ride to the school from Gungi-san. She's the school nurse and is about 55, very short and thin and very nice. The only knock is that she can't speak English - at all. Okay... that's not really a knock. The real knock against her is that she is a terrible driver.

Last year she was the nurse over at Sakuyama Chu Gakko (Sakuyama Junior High School), and she provided car rides for me then, too. You can read about that HERE - halfway down the story.

Anyhow... despite rolling stops and weaving around students on bicycles, Gunji-san likes to talk to me. It is pretty much all in Japanese, and I sort of understand her.   Sort of. But while I do understand her Japanese, I can't speak it, so I respond in English. Now both of us have no idea what the other is saying.

My two classes I have to team-teach today are with Akazawa-sensei (Mr. Akazawa, an English teacher). He looks pretty damn tired - and why not? He has to teach these buggers every day!

It's not his teaching methods... they are actually quite sound, but rather these students are complete a$$holes.

Not one student listens. They sleep or talk amongst themselves non-stop. In the 2-2 class (#2 Grade 8 class), there are 38 students... 14 don't even bother to open their note books; 15 don't write a single thing in the notebooks, while a mere 9 put down a few notes - not all the notes mind you - but a few. Still... 9 out of 38!!

Since the Sports Festival was rained out on Sunday (Really?, I played kyudo - Japanese archery - at a tournament all day!), the rest of the afternoon is devoted to finishing off the school sports event.

So... with nothing better to do, and curious to see, I watch.

First... over the school loudspeaker system they play—and I am not exaggerating—the same four songs over again and again and again—for four hours!!!!

One of the so-called Sports Festival events is called CONFUSION! Students have to run 30 meters to a set of hurdles, go under it, run 20 meters to a baseball bat lying on the ground. Leaning over, you place the bat on your forehead and spin around I think it's 10 times, to make yourself dizzy. That's not that hard, as most of these kids are already spun.

Now dizzier, the students stagger like I probably have on many a night out at the 4C bar over to a tray filled with flour where they have to snuffle around in it like a pig (hands behind their back) to pull a marshmallow from it with their mouth. I don't think that is very hygienic, ne (eh).  They then race another 20 meters to the finish line.

Even though I think these kids are idiots, this event is a riot!

Despite my enjoyment of that event, my highlight occurred when students from the nearby Ichinosawa Sho Gakko (Ichinosawa primary school) came by for a visit. These kids were unafraid of me - for some, I was their first live gaijin (foreigner), and played some catch with me with a baseball... but here's the freaky thing.... they talked to me in English!! And very well, too!

It wasn't perfect grammar or complex sentences, but it was clear and understandable simple English. They asked me questions, and I responded in simple English - which they understood, and when they didn't I used simple Japanese... but again... they didn't just listen to my Japanese chatter... they actually wanted me to teach them how to say my Japanese comments in English!

This is what it means to be a teacher of English here in Japan! These little pipsqueaks from Grades 1-6 showed me that there is hope here for the teachers of Kaneda Kita! 

Unless, of course, the students come here and somehow get the life and intelligence sucked out of them... I mean, many of the kids at Kaneda Kita graduated from Ichinosawa a single year ago!

I would take credit for the primary school kids talking English - but I can't!  I have met them a couple of times before - and they really were nice and friendly... but whomever has been teaching them English deserves a very deep bow and a great big bottle of Scotch... unless it's a female teacher, in which case I really need a cup of o-cha (green tea).

Yeah... sexism was rampant in 1991 Japan. My buddy Mike In Tokyo Rogers says in his blog that the women seem to have more power. Click HERE for a read.

I stick around the school playing and talking with the Ichinosawa students until they are forced away from me to go and watch the Sports Events. I still stick around because, well, Gunji-san is the school nurse. She has to stay in case any student needs her help after unexpectedly snorting too much flour.

So...  I'm standing around trying to look menacing and cool so that the Kaneda Kita students don't gang-up  and beat the crap out of me, when a tall and very beautiful female student comes up to me, hugs me for just slightly too long and then while still holding on, looks up into my face and purrs: "I love An-do-ryu teacher."

You could have knocked me down with a marshmallow hit by an errant baseball bat!

Her English was flawless! And she's hot! Is she wearing eye-liner? No... those long lashes are her own!

Grinning inwardly and outwardly, I ask her what third year (Grade 9) class she is in.

She smiles and purrs: "One-four".

Holy crap! She's in Grade 7? She's 12 years old?! With a body like that?! Wow. That was scary. But still... wow! Or should I say "Yikes"? Still, it is my belief that there is plenty of hope for Kaneda Kita!

So... let's end it for today. I still have the evening to share - and it doesn't involve me moping around doing my puzzle dressed only in my underwear.

Somewhere mostly impressed by the day's events,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is performed by: Judas Priest

Leader Of The Pack

So... today, July 28 marks the 20th anniversary of me leaving Toronto for Japan. Wow... what a long strange trip its been. I flew on NorthWestern flight 293 at 11:10AM from Toronto, stopping off in Detroit to pick up a few more passengers before heading off to Tokyo. It was a long and boring flight, but thankfully aside from voluntarily switching seats so a couple of women could gab, I watched all of the in-flight movies, ate all of the in-flight food, used the washrooms only once just before landing in Japan and stayed awake the entire time - I think it was 17 hours. As such, we did not land in Japan until the 29th of July. So that's when the fun really begins. Let's continue on with the blog I started yesterday which describes a typical day for me in those early years. yesterday was all about school/work and today's is all about the personal life. I hope you find it amusing.

After a day 'team-teaching' at Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School), I'm back at my apartment at 5:15PM. Last night, Ashley and I had a disagreement and were currently on the outs. Not wanting to let the first woman I'd ever slept with get away with or without a fight, I wanted to resolve the situation by calling her to apologize - even though I wasn't at fault. I had learned that even if it wasn't my fault, an apology would get me sex sooner than if I let it fester without apologizing.
Apparently after this initial apology, I would forget that bit of self-deluding advice.
So... while I wait a goodly enough time for Ashley to arrive back home from work, I ponder my navel. At 5:20PM, the doorbell rings - it's Ashley. Smiling.
Smiling? Never trust a smiling cat. I'm confused.
She hands me a large bouquet of flowers saying it's for me. Nice - I suppose. No one ever gave me flowers before... uh, except for the Japanese (now three or four times this past month). I'm a guy. What do I want with the flowers? Now maybe a beer? That would be guy stuff.
Anyhow, the flowers I received earlier that day from Kaneda Kita, well, I tell Ashley they are for her (there's no 'Welcome Andrew-sensei' card on there is there??!!). Hmmm, 20 years later it dawns on me that perhaps this similar sized bouquet of flowers she has given me may have been a present from her school. Hey! Waitaminute!  It's the thought that counts right? Right? That's what I thought.
We talk for a bit and iron out our difference (which I did not write down in my diary - probably because I had no idea what the heck caused the argument).
We're supposed to go out for an AET group function this evening in Yaita-machi town, maybe ten kilometers south of Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara city). We ride from my house to her place in Nishinasuno-machi (machi means town) to meet fellow canuck Jeanne Mance Blanc - another junior high school AET (Assistant English Teacher) who lives in Ashley's building. The three of us ride over to Nishinasuno-eki (eki means station)... we meet Matthew there, and an American guy working at Union Carbide on a work exchange.
We're going to Yaita (a really small podunk of a place) to celebrate the 34th birthday of Marshall... a senior high school teacher (like Ashley) in Yaita, who also has a crush on her (she's 21). Add in that he's taller, blonder, tanner, and more self-confident than me (I know, that sounds impossible, but in 1990 it's true - it's why I never asked Kristine South if I could visit her - not guts, no glory)... anyhow, I was not happy to be going on this trip, but Ashley wanted to go - and it was a way to see the other AETs to find out how they were doing after a month plus here in Japan.
Usha  (a Canadian girl of Indian descent - the dot not the feather, and who is a junior high teacher  in Yaita), meets us at the station and directs us to a nearby tempura restaurant (deep-fried, lightly breaded veggies and meat products - yum).
Before she leaves to go and pick-up Marshall from his apartment, Usha asks if I could make a witty speech to Marshall (because you're so funny, Andrew). Because of Usha's height (or lack there of), I'm sure she does not see my eyes roll back into my head, as the thought of having to do anything for Marshall makes me want to puke.
Timothy Mould is there. He missed the first month of the JET Programme experience because of mono or something like that. He's okay, I guess. A little dull, but okay. He seems a-way too straight and conservative. Ashley of course, makes a bee-line toward the guy to chat.
So I'm jealous. I'm always jealous. I lack self-confidence. (I know, I know - but it's true - even today in 2010).
Marshall arrives. surprise. whoopee. Maybe it's because everyone here is a nerd, but no one seems to know what to do at this party (Okay, Matthew and Brian have a handle on the drinking), so I start to lead them ... let's sing happy birthday, make him make a wish (did he look at Ashley when he did that?), and then cut the cake. Before we dole out the joke presents we all bought him, I give my speech. Not knowing what to do until I do it, I put the fun back in funeral:
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to pay our respects to Marshall. He WASSsss (heavy emphasis here) a young man..."
Everyone sucks in air at my audacity, but then they begin laughing.
I then change the speech to make it charming and witty - it's the old guy's birthday, after all.
Still, the speech kills - perhaps because we've already started drinking before eating.
Dinner was okay. I have maybe half a beer and then a lot of coke. I pretend my back is hurting to try and garner some sympathy from Ashley. Hey, I said I was jealous - not a moron. It works.
At 9PM, I can tell Ashley wants to leave because she is tired of Marshall's attempts at flirting... but Tim wants to talk with her now. Am I being paranoid?
Marshall keeps insulting me with semi-witty banner. Dude, you don't want to start with me... when it comes to witty retorts, for me it would be like battling an unarmed opponent.
I want to say something or drive my fist into his throat, but I can't do that on his birthday, so instead I swallow my pride and have another coke.
As we are leaving, the shop owner stops ME and asks if I will have a sake (rice wine) shot with him (I think he saw how much money I put in to the party kitty to pay the bill). Despite my mood, I'm here to internationalize the Japanese - and like it or not, booze is conversation lubrication. We have a couple of shots (this stuff goes down like water) - he slaps me on the back and asks me to come again. Now, perhaps my memory of this is skewed, but I think I was the only one to do shots with him.
At 9:40 we finally leave the establishment and catch the train back north (two stops). Matthew is tanked, but he, Ashley, Jeanne, Brian, Timothy (who live two stops north of Nishinasuno in Kuroiso-shi) and myself ride the JR train. It's always on time - what is a JR train? It's similar to an Amtrack or Via train traveling between towns and cities.
I sit on the right side of Ashley, Tim on her left. Bugger. Is he boring or annoying? (Tim did become a friend - and did have a decent sense of humour... and I guess I didn't take into account that as a newcomer in Japan he was lonely and wanted to talk with a fellow high school AET - Ashley).
Departing at Nishinasuno-eki to leave Tim to travel the last two stops by himself, we head for our bikes... Brian lives on the other side of the station and walks home. Jeanne decides to take us on a scenic route back to her and Ashley's place. Say bye (no kiss - because there are witnesses - or because she is plotting to sleep with Tim and Marshall??!! - okay, even though I'm jealous, I know it's because of the witness thing).
I ride back with Matthew - over to his place to make sure he gets home okay - I don't need the big guy to careen drunkenly into a rice field and drown when a farmer urinates on him. I bike home... it's 10:30PM and there is no one - I mean, no one - on the streets.
It's an interesting feeling to be prowling the streets of Ohtawara on my bicycle... I feel kind of like a ghost as I flit by the homes being careful not to ride my bike into an open sewer.
And that was my day, September 11, 1990. How was your day?

Somewhere going vroom-vroom,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title was originally sung by The Shangri-Las - a quartet who usually appeared as a trio when on tour - see the video here - DOWN-DOWN. 
And, for your entertainment pleasure, here's a Twisted Sister version, GET THE PICTURE?.
For your edification, in the photo above at Marshall's birthday party - can you believe I actually brought a camera, too??!! are (back row from left): Matthew, Brian, Ashley, Tim; (front row from left): Jeanne,  Myself (Andrew), Marshall and Usha. The photo was taken by my fellow sake shot putter and restaurant owner.

Teacher, Teacher

Let me tell you about what a day is like for me in the first couple of months in Japan.
I'm going to break it down into two parts - today's episode is about school; and tomorrow's is about personal life.

It's Tuesday, September 11, 1990, and it's the first day of class at Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School).
I'm up at 6:30AM, do a load of laundry and hang it outside on my northern balcony while awaiting Gunji-san, the school nurse, who arrives at 8AM. (Check out the scan here at the top telling me about my transportation details).
She's nice and has a radar detector for some reason in her too small white car. She's always smiling and speaks little English - but that's okay, because I want her to concentrate and continue hunching over the steering wheel as she navigates the 1-1/2 lane paths through rice field after rice field on the way to school. We do chat, and I think I know what she means maybe 65-70% of the time... I pretty much understand one word and hope like heck that that is the subject.
We arrive at school at 8:15AM - a 15 minute car ride that would have taken me 45 minutes to ride, if my boss Hanazaki-san had not intervened and told them they need to provide me with a car ride... besides, I don't think I ever would have found the place (my atrocious lack of direction may also have had something to do with Hanazaki-san's decision).  
I warn the teachers that I might be upset because of I had a fight with my girlfriend last night (again). I even tell them who it is (fellow AET Ashley), because I'm looking for compassion.
As a nice welcome to Kaneda Kita - surprise - I'm asked to give a short speech to the teachers and then one to the school. Aaarrrggh! Good thing I kept the one I prepared for last week's visit to Ohtawara Junior High School.
When I'm done, they present me with flowers - an outstanding display that I will attempt to re-gift to Ashley. I'm cheap, not stupid.

Check out the scan at the side here, showing my school schedule - pretty busy, eh? Apparently I don't go to the schools  on Monday - I spend it at the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) - funny, in 2010, I thought it was Fridays I spent there. Good thing I wrote stuff down.

Each class is a solid 50-minutes long. There are three classes of first-years (Grade 7); four second-years (Grade 8); and three third-years (Grade 9). Despite the newness of it all, I find the classes boring as both Yashiro Keiichiro-sensei and Sagawa Ise-sensei (sensei means teacher) translate everything I say into Japanese.
This shows how naive I was, as I expected the kids to understand what I was saying. Nope. Even dumbed down a bit, I was speaking several levels ahead of where these kids were, and I was too stupid to know it yet - what with this being my second week of actual team-teaching. If you scroll down to the bottom, you can see a page of a first-year English book the kids use. Why would I think they would understand everything I tell them in a self-introduction? Even I don't understand half the things I say or write.
Between classes, some of the students come and chat with me in broken English and broken Japanese, and I appreciate the effort, because at least it shows that some of them like me.
After arm wrestling a really strong boy or three (read about it HERE), I meet a really grubby kid - Wakanabe Hakashi-kun (kun implies "boy"/chan is used for girls - and like in all Asian countries, the surname is placed ahead of the given name... he's Wakanabe-san or Hakashi-kun). This boy hates to study (so his teachers tell me), but he's a nice kid even though he likes to pull on my substantial arm hair.
Lunch (in class 1-1) is a rather filling combination of milk, rice, fish (salmon), salad, chicken and (back at the teacher's office) several cups of o-cha (green tea - of which I would have anywhere between five to seven cups of a day at work - not by choice, mind you, but because it is offered up by the female staff, and I didn't want to insult anyone by saying 'no thanks').
While in the office after lunch, a man walks into the place (he's not a teacher), sees me and walks over and asks if he can see my hands (in English he said: Han-do, pu-reez). Shocked that I understood him, I complied. Now with Keiichiro-sensei (he prefers I call him Yashiro - in a cool sign of friendship) translating, this guy wants to read my life lines on my palm. It's free, so what the heck?
He says I'm going to live a long and happy life with a good strong wife and kid--just one (so far, by 2010, he's right). He says I will work on my own and that I am very lucky, with luck dominating my being. I will also be rich.
(In 2010, I work as a writer - pretty much on my own, and have always considered myself lucky because my life is actually pretty good - although I am not rich - well, only in the things that count, and I'm pretty p-o'd about it. C'mon retirement fund lottery!

For some reason I think the rest of the afternoon classes are boring - more translation and less real interaction, I suppose. Is it going to be like this for my entire time here?
When 5PM comes, Gunji-san drives me home - and lo and behold I'm at my apartment in 15 minutes - with my flowers.

Somewhere reading between the lines,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by .38 Special and can be heard HERE.
The scan beside this shows as page from a 1st -year English textbook. 
Oh... and if you wish, here are a few photos of Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko - SCHOOL DAZE.

Beat On The Brat

A boy - a friendly boy - came up to me while I sat in the teacher's lounge at my hellish nightmare school, Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Middle School). He, as is his norm, was scruffily dressed, which is quite the feat considering he was wearing the exact same clothes as all the other students.

He scratched his head and offered up some papers. It was his report card. Everything was at the 20% level. Obviously nothing to brag about, to say the least, so why would this shy and introverted Japanese kid show me his grades? (see THIS blog for a view of the other shy kids.)

Why? probably because he's not shy and introverted. He's merely an anomoly within the system - someone who doesn't do well in school. And he knows it. 

This kid is constantly told by his teachers that he's different; that his attitude does not fit the machine.

I suppose the same holds true in western societies, but perhaps not to the same degree as it is in Japan.

Next he pulled out a sheaf of papers - they were his tests. Again, a strange thing to do. Why show a perfect stranger something like this? The test scores were all bad. I asked why his marks were so low. He answered in Japanese: "Baka desu." (I'm stupid.)

I almost cried on the spot. How sad it is when a 15-year-old boy actually believes he is a dullard.

I wonder if he knows that he isn't alone - that many people in his school don't do well either. But here in Japan, the nail that sticks up gets hammered down (Deru kugi wa utareru).  It is a famous Japanese saying, and it implies that conformity is a must. This kid does not fit the Japanese system. 

Unfortunately for him, the educational system in Japan was not designed for non-conformists. He must either learn to learn or ... there is no or. 

And he will conform, perhaps in his own way. Maybe he has a learning disability. Maybe he has attention deficit disorder or perhaps he's dyslexic. Maybe he suffers from depression or sleep apnea - it doesn't matter... he is a nail awaiting a hammer.

And that's where the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme can make a difference. Yes, we're supposed to be English teachers, and some people take that responsibility quite seriously. Me? I'm a teacher, but not in the language vein.

Part of our role here is to be an ambassador for our country, but it's also to perform something called internationalization. To me that means informing the Japanese that there is a world out there that isn't so Japanese. It means I respect the Japanese culture and traditions, but it also means I can inform them of how other countries work.

I'm no expert in the Canadian educational system, but, I did go through a Private School, Catholic Separate School, Public School, University and Community College... with varying degrees of success.

I expressed my concern to this boy's Japanese teachers of English about this particular student and asked if I could make a speech to the class about some of the educational differences between our two countries.

Lost in the translation, it was arranged that I would give a speech to the entire school the next day.

My speech was translated quite well (I'm only guessing here), and I spoke from the heart rather than from a prepared speech.

I told them how I was a pretty good student for awhile until I lost interest in studying. The reasons why are not for this blog. I began failing nearly everything in school from Grades 7 through 12. I hated school. I hated what they were trying to teach me and how they were trying to teach it. It simply wasn't interesting. I was bored.  

Yet, somehow, I got over 50% in most things and continued to pass to the next year. In Japan, you can get 0% in everything and still get passed to the next level. I'm unsure which is worse.

Like this boy, I too was told how worthless I was - not in direct terms like they do here in Japan, but rather through inference. I was given three IQ tests perhaps to see if I was a moron and if I should perhaps repeat a grade a few times. Instead, without the benefit of caffeine, I did pretty good on my OQ tests, getting: 145, 142 and 148.
What do those numbers mean - read about it here - MENSA

So apparently, even though they thought I cheated somehow on the first test, and again on the second test, the third test proved to them that I was either smart enough to figure out how to successfully cheat or merely just smart enough to be smarter than them. It also means I must still be a classic under-achiever. 

The point of it was, however, was to show that despite early set-backs in my educational career, myself and countless others in my society are afforded multiple chances to pull up our socks and improve ourselves. Which I took advantage of. 

In Japan you are screwed at the age of 15 should you not pull off that amazing grade to get into a top-notch high school. Your future is set right there and then. Fair or not, that's the way things are in Japan. 

I suppose the chiding of that 'stupid' student friend of mine was meant to shame him and to cajole him back to into becoming an upstanding member of society. 

Wow... 15 years old. I was 24 before I actually figured out how to study - and that was only because I enjoyed learning about my chosen field - journalism. Does that show through in this blog? No, huh. Darn.

Somewhere repeating the grade,

Andrew Joseph

Today's song by The Ramones. Bless you boys. HERE 

Chain Of Fools

It all seemed to start quite innocently enough. It was March of 1991 on the day I was to leave for a conference for people staying another year on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme, the so-called Renewers Conference, held this spring of 191 in Kobe, a major port city near Osaka on the west side of the main Japanese island of Honshu.

Gasoline (the Japanese can't pronounce the name Catherine very well) - the head of the Tochigi-ken AETs (Assistant English Teachers) - had sent me something in the mail - and with breathless anticipation brought about by the fact that I had the major hots for this beautiful woman, I raced back up the stairs to my apartment so that I could open it in private.

I'm not sure what I really expected it to be, but I could swear I smelled her perfume on the envelope, as I carefully tore it open and pulled out two sheets of paper - one in the blond bombshell's own handwriting - a treasure!

To reiterate, I may have been in lust with nearly all of the female AETs in JET, but a few, like Gasoline and Kristine out in Shiga-ken, and Ashley whom I was still with caused the blood flow to get all mixed up.

Not that it mattered, neither Gasoline or Kristine would ever sleep with me. Although, Kristine did recently tell me that if I hadn't been so screwed up over Ashley she would have slept with me. Why am I only hearing about stuff like this now?

Anyhow, I read Gasoline's 'letter'... although hand-written, it was obvious she had sent me a chain letter.

I am a fairly superstitious person, and I had been getting my fair share of good luck while here in Japan (except for finding out about Kristine 20 years too late!), but for some reason, I decided that rather than fulfill the terms of the chain letter (send copies to five of your friends - Gasoline considers me a friend??!! Kewl),  I figured I would instead share the wealth and allow someone else to have a bit of my good luck. Y'see, I've always believed that there is only a certain amount of good luck in the world, and if one person has too much good luck, someone else could have bad luck. Okay... I sort of believe it. Sorta.

Now, if I had paid attention and done as Gasoline had asked, within four days I would have received good luck (or in my case, more good luck). The people on the "having forwarded the chain letter" list included politicians like US President Ronald Reagan and his US Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinberger.

But I didn't forward the chain letter. More the fool am I.

Four days after, I was on my way to my girlfriend's house (yes, at this point in time I am still going out with Ashley) to travel to the Renewer's Conference. On the way, I was almost hit by a car (it would have been my third), dropped my luggage containing the video camera I had borrowed from a teacher, and forgot most of the ingredients for a sandwich I was going to make for the six-hour trip.

However, since I was not hit, did not damage the camera, and had a decent enough sandwich anyway, I didn't think much about the curse of the chain letter.

Then it happened. Almost as soon as I got on the shinkansen (bullet train), I became moody and depressed. During the conference, after a seminar that gave us a psychological exam, I was classified as being a tad suicidal. Hmmmm.

After the conference finished, my girlfriend dumped me (again)... no wait, I dumped her! Yeah, that's right. I dumped her. Loser. Of course it still doesn't explain why I began having difficulty in sleeping, staying awake and getting maybe 14 hours sleep over a two-week period.

I think I knew during the conference that the break-up was coming... oh well, at least the shackles were off... but hell, if Ashley had only told me BEFORE the conference, Kristine and I could have... oh yeah... that was part of the plan, I'm sure.

Back home, lucky old me got to visit my school from hell: Kaneda Kita Junior High School. I hate this place. The students here all must be part of the Hitler Youth. I watched with heavily veined eyes as they goose-stepped past me into the concentration camp (classroom). I'm writing metaphorically.

Since there was a blood-letting festival (kendo - Japanese bamboo sword dueling) going on at the school this week, and the English teacher just so happened to be the kendo coach, I was asked if I wouldn't mind teaching a few classes by myself. Delirious from self abuse and insomnia, I said: "Unh."

The next thing I knew, I was thrust into a classroom where a student walked up to me, dropped his trousers and wanted to compare penis sizes with me.*

I can't help but wonder if any of this could have been avoided if I'd only sent out five copies of that darn chain letter. But where in the heck was I to find five friends I hated, anyways?

Somewhere looking through the garbage,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is brought to us by the awesome Aretha Franklin - LISTEN
*PS: Mine was bigger. I suppose luck had nothing to do with it.
PPS - the image above is of a block of special stamps issued on the Year of the Dragon in 1964... my birth year. If I'm writing about being born under a bad sign (bad luck), what better image than stamps from my birth year - as one needs stamps to mail a chain letter. At least you did back in 1991. Notice that it was only 5 yen to post a letter back then - that's like $0.00058 Canadian.