Bye Bye Mon Cowboy

On Day 3 of our trip here in Sendai-shi (Sendai City) in Miyagi-ken (Miyagi Prefecture), it's raining so hard I think I should start gathering animals and building an ark!



It's Saturday, October 12, 1991 and I'm an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.



This trip to Sendai with  my ex-girlfriend has been a washout, to say the least. It's rained everyday here and while I am sure the people and the sights are all beautiful, I haven't had a chance to really talk to any of the locals as they are all huddled up away from the rain.



It sucks. Oh well... at least I got to see Zuihoden, the tomb of Date Masamune (surname first), who was the founder or Sendai in the 1600s. It's located on Kyogamine hill, which is where all Date family members are honored in death.If you click HERE, you can see what Zuihoden looks like without a torrential rain spoiling my photography.



As such, Ashley and I decide to go home. When I call Matthew (my buddy who lives in Ohtawara near me) about how much rain there is here and that I'm coming home, he tells me that it is NOT raining there in Ohtawara.



Of course. I am the ame otoko (rain man), and it rains wherever I travel in Japan. It's getting so bad, my office the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) is thinking of loaning me out to some of the drought-starved areas to give them a break.



So... Ashley and I ride the Shinkansen (bullet train) south back to Nasushiobara-eki (eki = train station), transfer to a local Japan Rail (JR) train and arrive at Nishinasuno-eki at around 12 Noon. We ride back to her place in Nishinasuno-machi (machi = town) and leave her there so that she can sleep until 4PM.



I ride back to Ohtawara and putter around for awhile until Ashley calls, and she rides down to my city and we go to dinner at Co-Co's. It's the first time in days that I haven't felt rain or snow on me but there is a hurricane-like wind blowing.



Ashley doesn't want me to even ask about the lumps she has developed on her head. They are soft, painful to the touch and first appeared on our first night in Sendai. So I don't bring it up, but I am concerned for her... and she must be worried too, but is trying to ignore it to be in a good mood.



Dinner is fine (I pay, for some reason), and we go back to the train station and go south again... this time to Mibu-eki and Mibu-machi as there is a party hosted by fellow AET Cathy - whom I slept with a few weeks ago. She, Ashley and Karen (who wants me for a boyfriend) all hung out together a few weeks ago, and I'm sure my activities with each came out in the conversation - probably that's what prompted Ashely suddenly asking me to join her on the trip to Sendai.



Don't think I'm a complete ass. Ashley and I are not couple, but do sleep together whenever the mood hits us... or rather, when the mood hits her. Personally, I want her back as a girlfriend. The fact the we aren't a couple pisses me off. I just don't like to lose. As well... Ii guess I'm still in love with her, despite all of the sex or women wanting to go out with me... and apparently, there are a few.



I, of course, have no idea why anyone wants to go out with me. I couldn't get a date back in Toronto, Canada prior to arriving in Japan in late July of 1990. No sex, either. Virginal... though certainly not any longer... unless I can become a born-again virgin. It's probably easier for a guy and doesn't require any sort of surgery.



I'm not really looking forward to this party at Cathy's... what with walking into the lion's den et al. I'm still unsure if Ashley knows I slept with her, and if she found out, it would either definitely ensure we weren't getting back together, or it could make her jealous to realize other women find me somewhat attractive or somewhat convenient.



Just to make sure, I pour 11 Kirin beers down my throat and have three shots of Ashley's Southern Comfort (she's from Augusta, Georgia, USA). The party is a dull, but okay, and I'm feeling no pain.



What I am feeling, however, is Cathy continually playing footsie with me under whatever table we're near, or if we're standing, she simply starts rubbing her foot, leg, hands on me. Maybe she's just doing this to frazzle me (success) or maybe she still wants sex with me. Believe it or not, I'm not interested. I can't believe that a guy who was a virgin a scant 15 months ago is now turning down the offer of sex, but I'm not reciprocating with Cathy. Just leave me alone to wallow in my drunken stupor and dream of a day when women are normal!



And then there's the terrible tale of Alan Broomhead - a delightful young fellow who is three-months removed from England (also where Cathy is from - she too is a new arrival, while Matthew (who is not at the party, Ashley and I arrived the year previous).



I like Alan a lot. But I still played a trick on him a few weeks ago, teaching him Japanese (the blind leading the blind, eh?) that he should use. You can read about that occurrence HERE. It's a funny story, and yeah... I'm an ass. Sorry Alan. I'm still sorry... but it is a funny one, right? right? Anybody?



It's 2AM when the effects of alcohol, footsie and jokes kick in and I crash asleep. As usual, I'm the last one to hit the hay, and I still manage to find Ashley and spoon up beside her.



To this day, I have no idea how that poor girl managed to put up with my snoring. It must have been horrendous after drinking like a fish in a tsunami. (And yes... I actually wrote that in my diary, so it's not poor taste, just precognitive bad timing 20 years earlier).



Somewhere wishing I was drinking with Matthew in Ohtawara,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog is by French-Canadian kitten Mitsou: MEOW  I used to only try and date women who looked like her - which is probably why I didn't date much back in Canada.

PS: Sendai-shi, of course, was one of those areas in Japan that was hard hot by a tsunami on March 11, 2011.

Wot

Jodan? O-nani? Probably tonight.

Depending on one's point of view, I'm either a very funny guy or a complete a$$hole.

I'm going to tell you of a little trick I pulled on a fellow AET (Assistant English Teacher) that has me as both - and contrary to most movies and books, I do not get my comeuppance and thus do not learn a valuable lesson.

It was August 1991. I had renewed to stick around a second year on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme to be a junior high school AET in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. As well, I had been elected publisher of the Tochigi AET monthly newsletter. The fact that no one else wanted the job made me want it even more.

There in the Tatami Times, I first had my It's A Wonderful Rife articles published monthly. I was there 36 months, and I currently have about 170 blog entries. Obviously, most of what you are reading here has been created from notes and diaries, or gawd help us all, my memory.

This is from memory... but fret not... this one is indeed memorable and 100 per cent true.

As a renewer and publisher, and for some reason a well-liked person (who just wanted to be liked), I was part of the welcoming committee for the new JET people arriving in Japan to work in Tochigi-ken. Of the 20 or so new people coming in - I liked them all. Jimmy Jive was a favourite, but so too were new friends Letitia and Amanda - ooh, and Trish! Ashley and I had decided to stop being boyfriend/girlfriend, but since she did trust me, she felt it would be okay if she stopped by once a week for sex. Who was I to argue?  

Alan... Alan was from England. He was a pale fellow, short blond hair, slender, a couple of centimetres taller than myself - so a legitimate 183cm. He was intelligent. I know that because from the moment we met in Tokyo during orientation, I could tell he was hanging onto my every word, trying to soak up as much data as possible so that he could have a wonderful rife in Japan.

Oh, Alan. If you only knew then what you know now. Never start a land war in Asia. And that Andrew guy may be full of self-promoting confidence, but he don't know jack.

Pulling Alan aside one evening, I proceeded to explain to him that the Japanese people believe in honour quite strongly, and that extends into the way they speak. I said that the Japanese often add the word "O" (pronounced 'oh') in front of certain words to make it more honourable in sound and in meaning.

I told him about water or mizu... which when made more honourable, it became o-mizu. The same was true for things like hashi (chopsticks) and sumo (wrestling)... you can add the word "O" in front--o-hashi and o-zumo (it's actually written with a 'z' when you add the "o").

Alan nodded his head in amazement--amazement that he found someone so cool that could teach him such neat stuff.

I then explained that the word "what" or nani can also have an honourific added to it, because saying the word 'what' in Japanese can be considered quite harsh. (Alan is in RED, I'm in BLUE)

Me: So... what does nani become, Alan?

Alan: Onani.

Me: Absolutely correct, Alan. Say it again.

Alan: O-nani.

Me: Excellent. Once more with gusto!

Alan: Onani!!!!! he yelled in the hotel lobby. Japanese people stopped to stare for a moment, but quickly went about their own business.

Me: Great Alan! Now don't forget it!

Anyhow... after three days of fun in Tokyo - though I didn't meet a new sex partner like I had last year avec (with) Ashley - I went home to Ohtawara, and Alan went to his new place in some town that escapes me.

About a month later, Alan, myself and a few other AETs met up in the historic town of Nikko to go site-seeing. This time Alan gathered me aside to ask me a question. Supervisor is in Purple)

Me: Yeah, Alan... what can I do you for?

Alan: You know how you told me to add the word "o" before words to make them more honourific?

Me: Uh.... yeah? (Truthfully, I had forgotten about this).

Alan: Well... there seems to be something wrong.

Me: What do you mean?

Alan: Well, I've been adding the word 'O' to my words - you know so that I can show the Japanese that I respect them - by making words more honourable.

Me: Yeah, that's cool. So what's the problem?

Alan: It's with the word nani.

Me: What?

Alan: Yes. My supervisor would call to me: Alan-san. 

Alan: Onani? I'd answer.

Supervisor: No! NO! Alan-san!

Alan: Onani?

Supervisor: Dame dai-yo (No way, don't)!

Alan: Onani? 

Alan: There'd be more yelling, and I don't know what's going on.

I'll spare you how I let poor Alan in on my jodan (joke) on him. Okay, it was like this:
Me: Geezus, Alan. I was just pulling your leg! I never thought you or anyone else would actually listen to anything I said!

Alan: Was anything you said real?

Me: Actually, everything I told you was real.

Alan: Except....?

Me: Except the part about the word nani.

Alan: Oh, expletive.

Nani is the word for 'what', and "o" does indeed make words more honourific. However (I said this as I began backing slowly away from Alan), in this case, if you add the word "o" to "nani", you've created the Japanese word for masturbation - o-nani!

In English, Alan's conversation with his Supervisor would sound like this:

Supervisor: Alan-san.

Alan: Masturbation?

Supervisor: No! NO! Alan-san!

Alan: Mastur-bation?

Supervisor: Don't say that!

Alan: Masturbation?

Oh man... poor Alan... he'd been saying it for three weeks - at his schools, his office, and all around his nice new town.

Alan was a good sport, however, and as far as I know, he never even attempted to get me back, probably correctly reasoning that I'd probably do something incredibly stupid to myself if left alone long enough.

Somewhere, going blind - or is it deaf? Onani?
Andrew Joseph
Blog title is by Captain Sensible - You can hear about it, WHAT? I love this song - but this was the first time I'd ever seen the video.
PS: The gent in the photo above is Alan with some ghoul he dug up for a Halloween party over at James Jimmy Jive Dalton's place in 1991.
PPS: I read about the onani word in an American comic book. Who says they rot your brains?
PPPS: Wot is how the Brits say "what". Gawds I love it when a plan comes together without a plan.