Japanese Banks A Joke

Protesters (?) outside Ashikaga Bank's Ohtawara branch.

With hard times ahead for most of the world economies, it should come as no surprise that Japan's many banks have been hit almost as hard as the U.S. banks. 



Here's a short run-down on what is going on with Japan's banks: 

• The Origami Bank of Japan folded on August 3, 2011;


• Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife has heard that the Bank of Sumo has gone belly up, too, on August 4, 2011; 


• The Nippon Bank of Bonsai has faced some hard times and has been forced to cut some of its branches in July of 2011; 


• The Gaijin Karaoke Bank is up for sale and reportedly going for a song; 


• Staff at the Karate Bank of Tochigi got chopped last week; 


• Analysts are reporting something fishy at the Ichiban Sushi Bank, where workers are going on strike over the raw deal of no new raises. 

Personally, I think Japan's citizens need to get their money out of the US dollars and out of the Japanese banks, and instead invest it all into the my favourite bank, The Bailey Building & Loan. 

Cheers

Andrew Joseph

PS: The Bailey Building & Loan is the bank mentioned in my favourite movie: It's A Wonderful Life, which liked this blog so much that they almost used the same title. Or something like that.

Laugh, Laugh

(Dictionary: 'san' means: Mister, Monsieur, Miss, Mrs or even Ms. 'sensei' means teacher.) 
I don't want to get up today even though I've set the alarm a half-hour later than usual. Still, I don't leave my bed for another 30 minutes.
It's Friday, July 5, 1991 and I feel emotionally tired. The Junko saga has really wiped me out.
How can I even tell anyone what's gone on? It's going to be 20 years before I'll feel comfortable enough to talk about this with anyone.
Still... when I go into the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) office for my 'office day', everyone treats me likes it's just another day and that they are super glad to see me again. I like that.
Kanemaru-san comes over quickly with his Japanese-English dictionary in hand which prompts to automatically reach for my English-Japanese dictionary. But either he's been practicing English with someone else, or I'm a better English teacher than I realized.
"An-do-ryu sensei want to go to (pause to look up a word) individual kyudo contesto on July 19?"
In two weeks? I choke on some phlegm and laugh because I'm still not good enough. I still haven't hit a target and I need to practice a lot more. Still, my laugh feels good and real. Aside from laughing maniacally to myself at all of the great sex I had been having with Junko, I haven't laughed much in a couple of months. Actually, since I had been having frequent sex with Junko, I guess I had been laughing often.
Hanazaki-san talks to me in English knowing that no one else in the office will understand us.
"An-do-ryu sensei... we took Junko back to her mother's house in Utsunomiya. She told us that you are in love with her and that you made her drop out of university because you said you would marry her."
I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing. Actually, I did yell: "She's lying!" and slammed my hand on the desk in front of me."
To their credit, no one looked shocked. In fact... no one looked up from their desk. Crap. They all know what's going on. They just don't want to embarrass me.
Hanazaki-san continued: "Yes. We know. We realized there was something wrong with her on her first day at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) - that was the day you first met."
We did meet that day - she was a university student on a one-week internship at this school, one of seven I teach at here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken (Ohtawara City, Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.
"How did you know?" I asked slowly.
"At school lunch that day, we know that miso soup was one of the dishes. According to our sources, Junko said she didn't want to use Japanese chopsticks and instead asked for a spoon. Now that's crazy."
I looked at him for about six seconds, opened my mouth to say something. Closed it and then looked at the twinkle in Hanazaki-san's eyes.
"Jodan! (Joke!)," I screamed and laughed in a roar.
And the whole damn OBOE office began laughing with me.

I'll continue this day in another blog. It involves me being followed by a Japanese woman and sleeping with another woman.

Somewhere I love my board of education office,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is inspired by the Beau Brummels: HAHA. The group is American - which surprised me. The song was produced by Sylvester Stewart, who would later grown into mega-fame as Sly Stone: you know, of Sly & The Family Stone back in the 1960s??! Huh? Huh? Ahhh forget it. I must be old.

Cartoon In Poor Taste Upsets Japan

Perhaps the headline is a bit misleading... a cartoon didn't upset Japan - it upset a lot of people who aren't Japanese, too.

On April 21, 2011, The International Herald Tribune published the cartoon (seen at the left or above depending on your web browser).

(Blog Note: It's wrong on so many levels. Not only is it offensive to Japan, but also to ugly little old apple vendors. I don't know if you noticed... but Snow White is asking the Evil Queen who is dressed up as an ugly old woman a question that implies that it's NOT the apple that has her worried, but that perhaps the ugliness of the woman was caused by nuclear radiation IF she was from Japan. If it was meant that Snow White was asking about the apple - then the cartoon was written wrong - and should have asked 'Is this apple from Japan?' It's still a poor social commentary, however.)

The New York Times, which owns the International Herald Tribune said on April 25 in it's Editor's Note section that the cartoon "was offensive to the Japanese and others" and that "its selection was a lapse in judgment, which we regret."

The Japanese Consulate General in New York lodged a protest Thursday with the New York Times for publishing the cartoon, saying it may stir up unfounded anxieties over the safety of food from Japan.

Bravo.

Somewhere on an soapbox,
Andrew Joseph
PS: You realize that the Japanese Consulate General missed the poor joke... it really isn't about the apple - it's about radiation disfiguring a person! That's the way it was written!

See The Light

Did you know that 17% of all Japanese have cataracts? 

Yes. It's true.

And the rest drive Rincorns and Chevrorets.

Somewhere burning in hell for that bad joke,

Andrew Joseph

Today's title is by: Jeff Healey - Good old Toronto boy who recently passed away. I was lucky enough to have seen him play about 12 times before he hit the big time. Not that it matters, he' s blind. LIGHT

PS: yes, it's a bad joke and yes it makes fun of 99.9% of the Japanese population's inability to pronounce the letter "L" properly.

PPS: No, the Japanese don't have cataracts any more than any other peoples.

PPPS: And no, they don't have a lot of Cadillac, Lincoln or Chevrolet vehicles, though there are a lot of Toyotas, Mazada (they call them Matsuda), Honda, Suzuki  and Nissan to go along with the odd Mercedes.

PPPPS:  I just needed a break to catch my breath with the blog. Real stuff tomorrow. 

Wot

Jodan? O-nani? Probably tonight.

Depending on one's point of view, I'm either a very funny guy or a complete a$$hole.

I'm going to tell you of a little trick I pulled on a fellow AET (Assistant English Teacher) that has me as both - and contrary to most movies and books, I do not get my comeuppance and thus do not learn a valuable lesson.

It was August 1991. I had renewed to stick around a second year on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme to be a junior high school AET in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. As well, I had been elected publisher of the Tochigi AET monthly newsletter. The fact that no one else wanted the job made me want it even more.

There in the Tatami Times, I first had my It's A Wonderful Rife articles published monthly. I was there 36 months, and I currently have about 170 blog entries. Obviously, most of what you are reading here has been created from notes and diaries, or gawd help us all, my memory.

This is from memory... but fret not... this one is indeed memorable and 100 per cent true.

As a renewer and publisher, and for some reason a well-liked person (who just wanted to be liked), I was part of the welcoming committee for the new JET people arriving in Japan to work in Tochigi-ken. Of the 20 or so new people coming in - I liked them all. Jimmy Jive was a favourite, but so too were new friends Letitia and Amanda - ooh, and Trish! Ashley and I had decided to stop being boyfriend/girlfriend, but since she did trust me, she felt it would be okay if she stopped by once a week for sex. Who was I to argue?  

Alan... Alan was from England. He was a pale fellow, short blond hair, slender, a couple of centimetres taller than myself - so a legitimate 183cm. He was intelligent. I know that because from the moment we met in Tokyo during orientation, I could tell he was hanging onto my every word, trying to soak up as much data as possible so that he could have a wonderful rife in Japan.

Oh, Alan. If you only knew then what you know now. Never start a land war in Asia. And that Andrew guy may be full of self-promoting confidence, but he don't know jack.

Pulling Alan aside one evening, I proceeded to explain to him that the Japanese people believe in honour quite strongly, and that extends into the way they speak. I said that the Japanese often add the word "O" (pronounced 'oh') in front of certain words to make it more honourable in sound and in meaning.

I told him about water or mizu... which when made more honourable, it became o-mizu. The same was true for things like hashi (chopsticks) and sumo (wrestling)... you can add the word "O" in front--o-hashi and o-zumo (it's actually written with a 'z' when you add the "o").

Alan nodded his head in amazement--amazement that he found someone so cool that could teach him such neat stuff.

I then explained that the word "what" or nani can also have an honourific added to it, because saying the word 'what' in Japanese can be considered quite harsh. (Alan is in RED, I'm in BLUE)

Me: So... what does nani become, Alan?

Alan: Onani.

Me: Absolutely correct, Alan. Say it again.

Alan: O-nani.

Me: Excellent. Once more with gusto!

Alan: Onani!!!!! he yelled in the hotel lobby. Japanese people stopped to stare for a moment, but quickly went about their own business.

Me: Great Alan! Now don't forget it!

Anyhow... after three days of fun in Tokyo - though I didn't meet a new sex partner like I had last year avec (with) Ashley - I went home to Ohtawara, and Alan went to his new place in some town that escapes me.

About a month later, Alan, myself and a few other AETs met up in the historic town of Nikko to go site-seeing. This time Alan gathered me aside to ask me a question. Supervisor is in Purple)

Me: Yeah, Alan... what can I do you for?

Alan: You know how you told me to add the word "o" before words to make them more honourific?

Me: Uh.... yeah? (Truthfully, I had forgotten about this).

Alan: Well... there seems to be something wrong.

Me: What do you mean?

Alan: Well, I've been adding the word 'O' to my words - you know so that I can show the Japanese that I respect them - by making words more honourable.

Me: Yeah, that's cool. So what's the problem?

Alan: It's with the word nani.

Me: What?

Alan: Yes. My supervisor would call to me: Alan-san. 

Alan: Onani? I'd answer.

Supervisor: No! NO! Alan-san!

Alan: Onani?

Supervisor: Dame dai-yo (No way, don't)!

Alan: Onani? 

Alan: There'd be more yelling, and I don't know what's going on.

I'll spare you how I let poor Alan in on my jodan (joke) on him. Okay, it was like this:
Me: Geezus, Alan. I was just pulling your leg! I never thought you or anyone else would actually listen to anything I said!

Alan: Was anything you said real?

Me: Actually, everything I told you was real.

Alan: Except....?

Me: Except the part about the word nani.

Alan: Oh, expletive.

Nani is the word for 'what', and "o" does indeed make words more honourific. However (I said this as I began backing slowly away from Alan), in this case, if you add the word "o" to "nani", you've created the Japanese word for masturbation - o-nani!

In English, Alan's conversation with his Supervisor would sound like this:

Supervisor: Alan-san.

Alan: Masturbation?

Supervisor: No! NO! Alan-san!

Alan: Mastur-bation?

Supervisor: Don't say that!

Alan: Masturbation?

Oh man... poor Alan... he'd been saying it for three weeks - at his schools, his office, and all around his nice new town.

Alan was a good sport, however, and as far as I know, he never even attempted to get me back, probably correctly reasoning that I'd probably do something incredibly stupid to myself if left alone long enough.

Somewhere, going blind - or is it deaf? Onani?
Andrew Joseph
Blog title is by Captain Sensible - You can hear about it, WHAT? I love this song - but this was the first time I'd ever seen the video.
PS: The gent in the photo above is Alan with some ghoul he dug up for a Halloween party over at James Jimmy Jive Dalton's place in 1991.
PPS: I read about the onani word in an American comic book. Who says they rot your brains?
PPPS: Wot is how the Brits say "what". Gawds I love it when a plan comes together without a plan.