Weird & Wonderful Japanese World Records

okay... I thought we'd take a look today at some of the weirder world records currently being held by Japan that do not involve sex. Sorry. Maybe in another blog. 

• The world's largest model of a human organ: Not a musical instrument, but the lungs. This educational model stands an impressive 16'-5" (5.02 meters) tall and 18'-11" (5.78 meters) wide. It was the brainchild of Pfizer Japan Inc. - the pharmaceutical giant manufacturer and is located at Ario Sapporo, Sapporo, Hokkaido in Japan, first revealed back on October 2, 2010. It was built depicting a healthy lung on the left (facing) and a smoker's lung on the other to demonstrate the hazards of smoking. It is made of PVC, also known as polyvinyl chloride. I believe it is set up to show the effectiveness of the healthy lung and the unhealthy lung in its use of oxygen and blood. As we all know lungs transport oxygen from the air we breathe in to our bloodstream, and upon exhaling, the lungs have converted carbon dioxide from the bloodstream back out into the air. At least I hope I got that right!

• Most consecutive #1 singles: No, not my dating life prior to Japan, but rather some strange record involving a musical group called the KinKi Kids who in June of 2011 reached their 31st consecutive single to hit #1. Now this is on the Japanese music chart, and not on Billboard... still, it's a somewhat impressive achievement considering their first single to hit #1 occurred back in July of 1997, 14 years ago. Ommigawd... they are the KKK! The KinKi Kids are a duo (the two lads in the photo on the right): Domoto Koichi and Domoto Tsuyoshi (surname first). While they have the same surname, they are not related. However... they are both from Japan's Kinki/Kansai region, which explains their name if not the fact that it sounds kinky.

• Most full-contact punch strikes in one minute: A strange record, yet one that denotes the speed and accuracy of female boxer Miyao Ayaka (surname first) who was born on August 29, 1983 in Nagano, Japan. Standing a mere 5'-0" (1.53 meters) tall, the cherry bomb dynamo made 556 punches in 60 seconds. Holy crap that's fast! That's 9.267 punched every second. She actually did this record on a television show called  100 Beautiful Women Who Have Guinness World Records, and did so by beating out three other international competitors. Obviously for the human eye to see all of those punches is impossible, but her record was verified via slow-motion camera. Currently ranked 6th in Japan and 23 in the world, this beautiful bomber holds and 11 W (1KO), 5L (2KO) and 1 Draw record. That's her on the left beating the crap out of an opponent.  

• Largest gathering of dogs in attired costume: Who knew there was even a record for something like this? Apparently Guinness World Records did. On May 14, 2011, 603 poor dogs were dressed up in clothing and gathered with their proud owners at the Roppongi Hills Arena in Minato-ku, Tokyo, Japan. Most of the dogs in attendance were of the smaller variety--like miniature Daschunds and Toy Poodles. No kidding! Do not dress up your big dog! I once attempted to put a Toronto Maple Leafs NHL hockey sweater on one of my then three Rottweilers, Blackjack... he attempted to rip my face off (hence the mask I wear as my photo at the top of this blog!). Who knew he wasn't a Leafs fan, and preferred their arch-rival Montreal Canadiens (who suck!)? The event wasn't only about people torturing their pets--this event included a charity auction to raise money for pets displaced by the March 11, 2011 9.0 Magnitude earthquake and massive tsunami. The Japanese world record completely eclipsed the old record set a year earlier in the USA when only 208 dogs were abused in this silly excuse for a world record.  

•  Steepest rollercoaster made from steel: This record is just plain sick. The Takabisha rollercoaster at Fujikyu Highland Amusement Park in Fujiyoshida-shi (Fujiyoshida City) in Yamanashi-ken (Yamanashi Prefecture), Japan. Featuring a stomach dropping decline of 121 degree over 11'-2" (3.4 meters), it first began making people sick on July 8, 2011 before they even rode it. It has an over-vertical section of 121 degrees, which is just one of seven big drops in the 2-minute 40-second barf-inducing ride of your life. If you look closely, you can see Mt. Fuji in the background covered in vomit.

• Most Twitter tweets per second: This record was achieved during the historic 2011 Women's World Cup of soccer when Japan defeated the United States of America in the Finals via a penalty shootout. This was one of the best soccer matches I had ever seen and Japan came through with a plucky victory that not only surprised your humble author but probably most of the world, too. Twitter, also must have been surprised, as the tweets were going nuts during and after the match scoring a landslide 7,196 tweets per second (TPS) on July 27, 2011.  Japan and the USA were deadlocked at 2-2 before Japan won it 3-1 on penalty kicks.U.S. President Barack Obama also is reported to have tweeted on the match. And, to prove the soccer is indeed the world's most popular sport, it also holds down the number two mark in tweets per second on Twitter at 7,166 during a match between Brazil and Paraguay during a Copa America quarter final. The previous high was 6,939 TPS that occurred on New Year's Eve December 31, 2010 in Japan (of course). As a point of reference, the March 11, 2011 earthquake that hit the northeast coast of Japan garnered 5,530 TPS, the 2011 Superbowl football game got 4,064 TPS, and the idyllic wedding between Kate Middleton and Prince William peaked at 3,996 TPS.

• Heaviest largemouth bass: This one kicks bass. On July 2, 2009, Kurita Manabu (surname first) hooked a 22-pound 4-ounce female largemouth bass from Japan's largest lake, Lake Biwa. What's astounding is that this record actually ties what the sportsfishing world calls its 'Holy Grail' of records that was originally set 77 year's ago by George Perry of Georgia, USA when he pulled his fish from Georgia's Montgomery Lake on June 2, 1932. Kurita—who is from Aichi, Japan actually broke the record, as his initial weighing of the fish came in at 22 lb 5 oz. However, according to rules and regulations stipulated by the International Game Fish Association’s (IGFA), a record must be broken by a minimum of two ounces. But don't cry for Kurita, a proper measurement of the behemouth with certified scaled shows the bass at 22 lb-4 oz (10.12 kilograms) with a length of 27.2 inches and a girth of 26.7 inches. What is interesting to not, is that most members of the IGFA were surprised that Japan had fish anywhere like that, as the USA is considered the kingdom of the bass. Okay, I was surprised too. Bass in Japan? Lake Biwa is an old reservoir located northeast of Kyoto. For those of you who are interested, Kurita used a Deps Sidewinder rod and a Shimano Antares DC7LV reel loaded with 25 lb Toray line when he pitched his bait, a live bluegill, next to a bridge piling. It was Kurita’s first cast to the piling where he had seen a big bass swimming. He only twitched the bait twice the bait was taken. After a short, three minute fight he had the fish in the boat.Oh... and the record was only officially recognized six months after landing the fish. But it gets better. Because Americans all over America (IE the World) could not believe that their Holy Grail record could be beaten in Japan (we kicked their ass back in double-ya double ya two) they said that Kurita must have cheated somehow. So... even after getting all of theproper documentation from the IGFA’s sister association, the Japan Game Fish Association (JGFA), they had Kurita take a polygraph (lie detector) test. But apparently because fishermen are known liars, the IGFA reserves the right to employ polygraph analyses to any record application, and this is explicitly stated in the affidavit section of the world record application form. Kurita was examined on December 15, 2009 and after passing with flying colours, he was officially acknowledged as equaling the record for fishing the largest largemouth bass on January 8, 2010. Should you wish to check out some more of the IGFA All-Tackle records, click HERE. As an aside, bass are not native to Japan - they are stocked. Japan's fisheries officials call it an invasive species that have adapted well to Japan's cool, deep lakes.

•  Longest timed flight of paper airplane: Who knew there were people involved in competitive paper airplane flying? Apparently having a flight of 20-seconds is considered exceptional, 25-seconds or better is world-class. Uh-huh. Japan's Toda Takuo (surname first) has come close to reaching the 30-second mark... setting the world record at an astounding 27.9 seconds. Of course, this paper plane had tape on it. His other record for an all-paper, non-tape plane was done flying a 10-centimeter long plane that flew for 26.1 seconds. "I felt a lot of pressure," he notes after his paper airplane fly-off at a Japan Airlines hangar near Tokyo's Haneda Airport. "Everything is a factor – the moisture in the air, the temperature, the crowd." The crowd? Okay. Toda, an engineer, is the head of the Japan Origami Airplane Association and is virtually unmatched in his ability to fold paper aircraft. In keeping with traditional rules of the ancient Japanese art of origami, he uses only one sheet of paper, which he does not cut or paste. Apparently tape is allowed by Guinness World Records, but he chose not to use tape to better follow the rules of origami (the Japanese art of paper folding). His paper-only record was 'captured' on the video seen HERE. It also shows some terrible camera work - perhaps also a world record for worst camera work ever. Along with breaking the 30-second barrier, Toda said his next goal is to launch a paper airplane from space. With funding from Japan's space agency, JAXA, Toda and a team of scientists have designed a plane they believe can withstand the intense heat of re-entry. One of Toda's designs was scheduled to be released from the International Space Station, but that plan fell through in part because of problems with devising a means of tracking the planes as they fell back to Earth. Toda and his colleagues are currently trying to interest Chinese or Russian space officials in reviving the idea.

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph

Grabbing Tits For Charity

Yes... you apparently read that headline correctly...

And not just any boobs, but teenaged girl boobs. It actually is the brainchild of girl group Marshmallow 3D - that's them in the photo to the left.

Just when I think I might get a hand-le on things Japanese comes this report from my friend Mike in Tokyo: MARKETING JAPAN. He posts some great stuff and everyone should visit his blog!

If you would like to hear what they sound like, it's HERE. There's a video of them right there on the banner of the Paradise TVwebsite - the actual singing starts about 30 seconds in. Be warned that it's cutesy-pie Japanese soft porn, I mean pop music that is extremely saccharin (that's an artificial sweetener).

But despite their musical style, one has to admire their gumption for getting noticed, as well as for having their hearts in the right place... well, for a donation, I guess you can feel for yourself if their hearts are in the right place.

Since it's for charity, I don't feel so sleazy. Put me down for two.

Somewhere in touch with the Japanese people,
Andrew Joseph

People's Honor Award for Japanese Women's WC Champs

The Japanese women's soccer team will receive the People's Honor Award in honour of their unlikely, but fantastic victory over the powerhouse USA team in the World Cup final on July 17, 2011 in Frankfurt, Germany. 

The team will be the first group to receive the award and the 19th recipient, according to Chief Cabinet Secretary Edano Yukio (surname first) on August 1, 2011.

He first first told a July 25 press conference that the award was being considered for the team because they "delighted and inspired many people in Japan and gave society something to be hopeful for."

The victory came amid the country's struggle to rebuild northeastern areas after the March 11, 2011 earthquake and tsunami, and the ongoing nuclear crisis at the Fukushima Dai-ichi power plant.

The Japanese woman's soccer team is nicknamed 'Nadeshiko' after a pink-frilled carnation that symbolizes both grace and beauty.

The prestigious award, which was inaugurated in 1977, has so far been given to 18 individuals.

List of Peoples Honor Award Winners: 

1. Oh Sadaharu - September 5, 1977, baseball player with most career homeruns - 868. 

2. Koga Masao - August 4, 1978, composer 

3. Hasegawa Kazuo - April 19, 1984, actor

4. Uemura Naomi - April 19, 1985, adventurer, climbed highest mountains on 5 continents. 

5. Yamashita Yasuhiro - October 9, 1984, judoka, accomplishments in judo.

6. Kinugasa Sachino - June 22, 1987, baseball player with most consecutive games played - 2215.

7. Kato Kazue (aka Misora Hibari) - July 6, 1989, singer

8. Akimoto Mitsugu (aka Chiyonofuji Mitsugu) - September 29, 1989, Yokuzuna holding record wins as sumo wrestler.

9. Masunaga Takeo (aka Fujiyama Ichiro) - May 28, 1992, singer

10. Hasgawa Machiko - July 28, 1992, manga artist, one of the first female manga artists on her Sazae-san strip.

11. Hattori Ryoichi - February 26, 1993, composer

12. Atsumi Kiyoshi - September 3, 1996, actor

13. Yoshida Tadashi - July 7, 1998, composer

14. Kurosawa Akira - October 1, 1998, film director

15. Takahashi Naoko - October 30, 2000, athlete who won the 2000 Olympics gold medal in the women's marathon.

16. Endo Minoru - January 23, 2009, composer

17. Mori Mitsuko - July 1, 2009, actress

18. Morishige Hisaya - December 22, 2009, actor  

The Japan Mint has manufactured plaques (see photo above) of the People's Honour Award since Hasegawa Machiko was the 10th winner back in 1992.

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph

Japan - News Briefs Week of April 23

• Japan is considering banning access to the area evacuated around Fukushima-ken's Dai-ichi nuclear facility damaged during the March 11, 2011 9.0 Magnitude earthquake and 10-metre (30-foot) tsunami. At the time of the disaster, about 80,000 people lived within a 20-kilometre (12.5 mile) radius around the plant - though despite warnings, a few people have not left the area. However, a few people have been returning to check on their homes, in defiance of police.   Now, Japanese officials say they want to seal off the area to prevent entry, according to Japan's chief cabinet secretary Yukio Edano. Plans as to how to seal the area have not been released. Prime Minister Kan Naoto (surname first) will discuss the proposed closure when he travels to the region to meet with local officials on Thursday, April 21;

• Tokyo Electric Power Co. (TEPCO), the owner and operator of the Dai-ichi nuclear facility has begun distributing applications for compensation to people forced out of the area. The company is offering about US $12,000 per person in initial compensation;

• Too dangerous for humans? A robot will be used within the Dai-ichi nuclear facility. Visit HERE for more;

• Japanese government is looking to raise sales tax by three per cent to help for rebuild after the earthquake and tsunami caused some $230 billion in damage. With the full rebuild expected to take five years, the government is looking for its consumers to help out financially. The expected tax hike will be the first for the country since 1997, though Japan was previously considering a raise in sales tax prior to the disasters as a means to lift itself out of crippling economic debt. "It was clear even before this disaster and the need to secure funds for reconstruction that to ensure a sustainable fiscal situation, some sort of reform of spending and revenues was necessary," states Internal Affairs Minister Katayama Yoshiro (surname first). "The debate over the fiscal situation is not something that began with this disaster."

• Songs for Japan, a CD featuring 39 songs has hit the record stores. (What's a record?) Proceeds from the album's sale will benefit the disaster relief efforts of the Japanese Red Cross Society, record labels Universal Music Group, Sony Music Entertainment, Warner Music Group and EMI Music said in a news release. The CD's song list features: Imagine - John Lennon; Walk On - U2; Shelter From The Storm - Bob Dylan; Around The World - Red Hot Chili Peppers; Born This Way - Lady Gaga, Irreplaceable - Beyonce; Talking To The Moon - Bruno Mars;  Firework - Katy Perry; Only Girl (In The World) - Rihanna; Like I Love You - Justin Timberlake; Miles Away - Madonna; When Love Takes Over - David Guetta; Love The Way You Lie - Eminem; Human Touch - Bruce Springsteen; Awake - Josh Groban; Better Life - Keith Urban; One Tribe - Black Eyed Peas; Sober - Pink; It's Ok - Cee Lo Green;  I Run To You - Lady Antebellum; What Do You Got? - Bon Jovi; My Hero - Foo Fighters; Man On The Moon - R.E.M.; Save Me - Nicki Minaj; By Your Side - Sade; Hold On - Michael Buble; Pray - Justin Bieber; Make You Feel My Love - Adele; If I Could Be Where You Are - Enya;  Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me - Elton John; Waiting On The World To Change - John Mayer; Teo Torriatte (Let Us Cling Together) - Queen; Use Somebody - Kings Of Leon; Fragile - Sting; Better In Time - Leona Lewis; One In A Million - Ne-Yo; Whenever - Shakira; and Sunrise - Norah Jones.  

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph

Queen Bee

You know... I was going to take the easy way out and not write a blog today.
No... you guys didn't do anything wrong. It's just that I feel like I'm ripping you off by not actually writing about MY exploits in Japan. Trust me... I have only barely begun to scratch the surface. Part of the reason I haven't done much of that lately, is that in order to get to the good stuff, I have to read a lot of the crap that went on too... that I also wrote about.
Do you really want to know how homesick I was? Or that Ashley did or didn't do this or that? Or that the teachers were mean (that never happened.. but there was one principal...)? Wouldn't you rather read about all of the fun and stupid stuff I encountered that makes the Japanese look just as bad as I make myself look?
Maybe... it's why I created the It's A Wonderful Rife columns (and now blogs) in the first place... to show that people are the same all over the world - even in a weird place like Japan.

With that in mind... here's something my father sent me a couple of days ago.

HAVEFUN
 
Turn up the volume and enjoy the music. Enjoy the show.

I liked it because not only had I never heard music like that before, but it shows the playful and whimsical side of the Japanese. It's so frickin' kewl!

I used to teach piano and clarinet until 1990 when I left Toronto, Canada for the fun and dull times of Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. To be honest... every day was fun, but there was a lot of repetition... which can lead to a bit of boredom.
Along with the piano and clarinet, I also played the accordion, and tenor and baritone saxophone in stage band. I also taught myself how to play (in no particular order): trumpet, oboe, bassoon, alto and bass clarinet, trombone (I sucked at  that), and although I tried on two separate occasions to learn guitar, I failed miserably because the strings hurt my fingers. I know I'm supposed to wait until I developed calosses, but I was and am the type of guy where if I am not good at something immediately, I don't want to learn how to get better.
Now, Guitar Hero? I'm a god.

Somewhere wishing I still played music,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is played by: Tina Guo and her band Lotus Rising... because number one she is a fantastic classical musician (cellist), and this is a jaw-dropping mix of clasical and rock muisc... and also... look at the damn video... she's HOTTT!
PS: I was originally going to call this blog episode: Hooked on Classics. It's by The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra Conducted By Louis Clark. It's a CLASSIC. And yes, my parents bought this when it came out. Me? I think I might actually buy Lotus Rising. Rarwrrr.
PS: Three songs for the price of one!

Rihanna – What’s My Name? ft. Drake

What’s My Name Lyrics
Ooh na na, what’s my name
Ooh na na, what’s my name
Ooh na na, what’s my name
Ooh na na, what’s my name
Ooh na na, what’s my name
whats my name, whats my name

[Drake]
I heard you good with them soft lips
Yeah you know word of mouth
the square root of 69 is 8 something
right cuz I’ve been tryna work it out, oooow
good weed, white wine
uh, I come alive in the night time
okay, away we go
only thing we have on is the radio-oh
let it play, say you gotta leave
but I know you wanna stay
you just waiting on the traffic jam to finish girl
the things that we could do in twenty minutes girl
say my name, say my name
wear it out, its getting hot, crack a window, air it out
I can get you through a mighty long day
Soon as you go, the text that I write is gon say…
[Rihanna]
Not everybody knows how to work my body
knows how to make me want it
but boy you stay up on it
you got that something that keeps me so off balance
baby you’re a challenge, lets explore your talent
[Chorus x2]
hey boy I really wanna see if you can go downtown with a girl like me
hey boy, I really wanna be with you
cause your just my type
ooh na na na na
I need a boy to take it over
looking for a girl to put you over, uh
oooooh, oooooh
Ooh na na, what’s my name
Ooh na na, what’s my name
Ooh na na, what’s my name
whats my name, whats my name
[Rihanna]
Baby you got me, and aint nowhere that I’d be
then with your arms around me
back and forth you rock me yeah
so I surrender, to every word you whisper
every door you enter, I will let you in
[Chorus]
You’re so amazing, you took the time to figure me out
thats why you take me, way past the point of turning me on
you bout to break me, I swear you got me losing my mind
Ooh na na, what’s my name
Ooh na na, what’s my name
Ooh na na, what’s my name
Ooh na na, what’s my name
Ooh na na, what’s my name
whats my name, whats my name
[Chorus]
[End]

Only Girl (In The World)-Rihanna

Only Girl (In The World)-Rihanna
La la la la
La la la la
La la la la
[VERSE 1]
I want you to love me, like I’m a hot guy
Keep thinkin’ of me, doin’ what you like
So boy forget about the world cuz it’s gon’ be me and you tonight
I wanna make your bed for ya, then imma make you swallow your pride

[CHORUS]
Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world…
Like I’m the only one that’s in command
Cuz I’m the only one who understands how to make you feel like a man
Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
Only one…
[VERSE 2]
Want you to take me like a thief in the night
Hold me like a pillow, make me feel right
Baby I’ll tell you all my secrets that I’m keepin’, you can come inside
And when you enter, you ain’t leavin’, be my prisoner for the night
[CHORUS]
Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world…
Like I’m the only one that’s in command
Cuz I’m the only one who understands, like I’m the only one who knows your heart, only one…
[BRIDGE]
Take me for a ride
Oh baby, take me high
Let me make you first
Oh make it last all night
Take me for a ride
Oh baby, take me high
Let me make you first
Make it last all night
[CHORUS]
Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world…
Like I’m the only one that’s in command
Cuz I’m the only one who understands how to make you feel like a man
Only girl in the world…
Girl in the world…
Only girl in the world…
Girl in the world

Hot Blooded

Hi there (Konichiwa!). I'd like to share with you part of a letter I wrote to my friend Rob in Toronto back on June 28, 1993. In it, I describe the hottest dance club going on in Japan at that time - Juliana's Disco.

I know, I know... I wrote the word disco (twice now!) which is sacrelige for a for a guy who loves his rock and roll. Still, one must evolve or get wiped out in the next mass extinction.

At this point in time I was going out with my Japanese hottie, Nobuko. In my letter to Rob I noted that Nobuko was studying for some civil service exams and was unable to see me that weekend, but for some reason, I was asked and accepted a dance date by some woman named Mika.

Who is Mika? What does she look like? Why was I out with her? I have no freaking idea. And, though I am loathe to admit it, she's not really pertinent to the blog entry.

Here goes:

(re: Nobuko) All of our difficulties and my 'fright' have been put aside. I'm comfortable. We seem to be a good match for each other. I just wish this language-thing wasn't such a drag. It will be difficult for her to find a job. Hell, me too. But, I'm afraid it will quickly demoralize her. Yes... she's coming to Canada. Perhaps even to stay. The wedding is next week. Can you come? Ha. It just seems that fast. And, in truth, I suppose it is.

I mentioned in my last missive that I was going to go down to the trendiest dance club in Japan with a girl named Mika. After I got back to my hotel room (separate), I called Nobuko. Guilt? Oh yeah. Even though nothing happened - just that I was out with another woman. I don't ever want to do that again - because, quite frankly, the guilt is killing me.

Juliana's Disco is a bizarre place. Located in Tokyo's Ariake district, once you forget that it costs you Y7500 ($75) to get in--women are charged Y5000 ($50), they give you a bunch of food and drink coupons to help you get over the sticker shock - and then you can begin to have a good time.

Well, let's see... all of the women are dressed in outfits that look like underwear. The good kind.

The dance floor is huge. In the back there's a DJ booth where the lone black man sits (except for the other one guarding the door). There two white guys, also... they open the door for you to enter the place. There are also some Japanese guys to park your car and some Japanese chicks standing around outside to catch your eye so you'll want to come in.

Back to the inside. There, opposite the DJ booth is a wall of televisions that are joined up to make one single image. There are 60 televisions - 10 across, by 6 high, and dammit it's like maybe 20 feet tall.

Ahhh, screw it.. take a look at my drawing (photo above). I don't feel like writing a description for everything. This is the first floor.

Beside the DJ booth are stairs leading up to the next level. It's really a catwalk so you can check out the action below.

See those rectangular boxes (tachida) near the dance floor. That's for the fan dancers. That's what I call them. These air-head Japanese girls get up on the risers holding a feathered fan in their hand wearing a very tight dress that is never more than four inches (10 cm) below the waist. They dance by never lifting their feet off the ground. Swaying their hips hypnotically from side to side (getting sleepy... sleepy).  In their right hand they hold the fan high above their head and wave it in the opposite direction for their butt swinging. By lifting their hand above their head, their already short dresses rise up a little more. It's inspiring, actually. Perspiring, too.

The single guys stand below them and stare up at the women, trying to see if they are wearing panties. They are. Hey! I had to look. I'm sure it was expected of me. Besides, I'm a curious journalist.

The single women at the club stare at the fan dancers and wish they could be up there, but they can't because they don't have the guts - or perhaps they lack a nice dress (looking around, that's not true). Whatever it is... they aren't being paid to dance - and the fan dancers are.

On the dance floor by 9PM, there is no more room to move - even with a big gaijin (foreigner) like me around, people are actually beginning to crowd me. I suggest to Mika that we leave. I mean, I'm tall enough to be able to get the air above the shorter crowd, but Mika - she's not. Uh-oh... here's comes the dry ice from a fog machine... now no one can breath.

It's okay... it was bloody hot in there. I had slugged back three beers and didn't get a buzz because I was too dehydrated for it to affect me.

Mika and I walked around, played a few coin-operated video games, ate some McDonald's and went back to our hotel rooms. I opened up a box of 30(?) baseball card packages I bought and read a comic book that had previously won a Pulitzer Prize - Maus. It's about the Holocaust. And then I phoned Nobuko.

We chatted for about 10 minutes. I got off the phone because she was studying for an exam the next day.

Early the next morning, I got up and went with Mika to a CD shop - buying the Best of Jethro Tull, one by Ministry, and a Romantics CD for my pal Colin. Later near the Electricland district, I bought a CD of classical Japanese music - no singing, thank kami (god)!) and one CD of music to do sumo wrestling by. There was also one for Yakuza (gangsters), but I was on a budget. Not.

We went to a foreign buyers supermarket where I picked up a couple of PEZ, a box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and four bottles of world-wide beer.

Oh yeah... it was 30C and humid, unlike Saturday when it was 30C and humid and raining. Of course, I was carrying around a lot of unnecessary stuff like a raincoat and a Stetson hat. Okay... it's actually a Biltmore - and I looked good in it, but I chose not to wear it at the club last night.

I arrived back home in Ohtawara-shi totally exhausted. Nobuko came over about 30 minutes later. We tried to watch the Temple of Doom (Indian Jones 2), but our hormones were running amok.

Somewhere sweaty,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is sung by Foreigner: HOT BLOODED and was recorded in Japan (!) back in 1985.

Hotel California

Part 4 of the August 28 road trip.

Remember how I ate some pumpkin-flavoured ice cream and didn't know I was lactose intolerant? As we drove to our next destination, I realized something was percolating in my gut.
Twenty bumpy minutes later with me trying not to fart we arrive at Handa Primary School (featuring grades 1-6).
When they jump out of the car, I hang back a moment and wait until they are far away and clear my throat loudly while farting into the car. 
Iso-san suddenly goes back to the opens the door, sticks his head, pulls it out and looks at me. He walks sort of close to me and asks "Daijobu?" (You okay?) and then : "Bikurishta" (Ommigawd!) before coughing loudly.
Anyhow, farting aside, there are 116 students and nine teachers meaning about 13 students per teacher. The school is 105 years which makes it older than that house we just finished visiting - I knew it wasn't that old!
The principal (Kocho sensei) Fukasawa speaks English very well and makes me promise to come back and teach him English and he will teach me Japanese. maybe we can do that every Friday morning - I'll have to see. (Nope - never happened).
We go to the gym where the entire school is sitting apparently awaiting my arrival. It's so quiet you could hear a bowling pin drop until they see me and it instantly becomes deathly silent.
I'm in do inaka (the boonies/sticks), and I may indeed be the first gaijin/foreigner they have ever sen outside of the television or movies.
Six pretty grade 6 students (girls) come up with a large bouquet of flowers and bow and stick out their hand for a handshake. So I do.
Ommigawd! This set's off a frenzy in the gym as the kids go nuts - jumping up and racing over to me to be the next to shake the hand of an honest to gosh gaijin. Five minutes later with every little bugger satisfied, it's time for me to go. You should have heard the disappointment. Instead of "Awwwwwww" I heard "eyyyyyyyyyyyyy". Everyone - and I mean everyone waved goodbye - which I returned in kind. One girl - maybe 11 years-old - ran up and flipped me the peace sign, which I stupidly responded in kind. The whole school rushed me like a prison break and flipped me the peace sign. Except one kid who just flipped me off. Not sure if I should laugh, I winked at him and he came over and gave me a big hug. Just as the student body prepared for another push forward to follow his lead, Fukasawa-sensei yelled out - "Dame dai yo!" (Loosely translated to: No way, Jose!) as the little buggers stopped dead in their tracks.
Hanazaki-san tells me I will visit the Ohtawara primary schools again in March. Cool!
By the time we get back to the OBOE, it's time for me to leave on time - while the OBOE workers have to stick around and wait for the Superintendent to leave first - and hope he isn't asleep in his office.
On the way home I purchase a kettle for Ashley, go home wait for her to arrive, head out to AiAi Town (a department store) for her to buy a rain coat (what for? it's beautiful in the country!). I purchase more spaghetti supplies and we then head back to my place to cook and eat.
Matthew's timing is better this evening as he calls after we finish up in the bedroom - and it's only 9AM, but that also means it's time for me to ride Ashley back to her place in Nishinasuno-machi (town of Nishinasuno).
As I'm killing bugs in her place, the old guy Marshall (he's 34 and from California) calls Ashley to ask if she's going to some beach party in Saitama-ken (Saitama Province). He says she can spend the night at his place in Yaita-machi so they can get an early start to the party. He then asks how her weekend was.
Ashley rolls her eyes at me - she knows I can hear everything he's saying on the phone - and tells him that she went to Nikko with Andrew. "Who?" he asks.
Bastich. I may have to have a chat with this guy.
She tells him she's not going to the party, but that Andrew is and suggests that maybe he could spend the night in Yaita. Ha! Good girl! he says something about having to go and hangs up.
I have to go too, but not before Ashley shows me a music box her old boyfriend Eric in the U.S gave her - I pull a Marshall and ask "Who?" She hits me, kisses me and tries to push me out the door.
Why the heck did she show me that music box? Did she see the one I had bought for her? I hadn't given her the music box because it was supposed to be a one-month anniversary surprise (August 30, 1990).
On the way out she asks me how much I spent on that music box - so she did see it! I tell her it only cost 3100 yen ($25 Cdn). She smiles, kisses me again and closes the door.

Somewhere and somewhen I had a pretty darn good day,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is, of course, by The Eagles: COLITAS
PS - In the photo above, I'm signing autographs at the primary school. I have a 6-inch Ultraman (a Japanese show I used to watch when I was a kid) doll (given to me by a student!) stuffed in my shirt, and I looked burnt out - which you can really tell I am in the photo below this:

PPS: Why this song/title? - The school is a lovely place/Ashley has a lovely face - but like the Hotel, danger lurks, and while you can check out any time you like, you can never leave. Even 20 years later, I can still feel their sticky hands all over me! Or is it my own son?
PPPS - I keep mentioning Nikko, so let's take a look next time.

Another Brick In The Wall

[Blog Note: When you see a coloured word in any of the entries, feel free to click on it. I have attached links to photos, videos and to sites that can provide more background information. As well, if you click on a photo, it will enlarge. And, if you glance at the bottom of any blog entry you'll see LABELS with a lot of words after it - clicking on one will call up all of the entries where that word is listed - for reference, of course. Okay. On with the show, this is it]:

The next few days were spent driving around the city to visit the seven Junior High Schools (Chu Gakko – chu meaning middle, gakko meaning school) I would be teaching at: Nozaki, Chikasono, Wakakusa, Ohtawara, Sakuyama (see photo), Kaneda Kita (Kaneda North) and Kaneda Minami (Kaneda South).
Anyhow, my first visit was to Ohtawra – the largest of the city junior high schools and the closest to my home – roughly 10 minutes away by bicycle.
I wondered why on Earth they were taking me to school in late July, but soon realized that the place was packed with teachers… and students.
Here’s the deal. In Japan, the school year begins in April and ends in March. Similar to a “March Break” in North America, there is a series of National holidays called Golden Week at the end of March thru beginning of April. There’s also a 5-week long Summer vacation in late July thru the end of August, along with a week off for an Autumn break and a two week break akin to our Christmas vacation called the Winter break.
So… what the heck were the students doing hanging around the school? Apparently they were there for club activities.
While students attend school Monday thru Saturday (Saturday is only a half-day), after school activities last between 4PM - 6PM. Okay, that’s kind of cool, but why were they at school during their summer vacation – and, more importantly, what the heck were the teachers doing here?
Back in North America, it truly is “no more teachers, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks”!
According to Garp, the students want to do their club activities, and their parents don’t want them hanging around the house unsupervised – juvenile delinquency, ne (eh). The teachers are there because the students are there, and look after the club activities pretty much between 8AM and 6PM.
Y’see in Japan, the teaching profession is, unlike its Western counterpart, a respected one. Should a student get in trouble after school for say shoplifting at the local department store, guess who gets called? That’s right – the teacher. Not the parents.
Teachers are not only responsible for the general education of the student, they are responsible for their upbringing.
More information: the junior school curriculum covers Japanese language, social studies, mathematics, science, music, fine arts, health, physical education and English. English is not learned until Grade 7 – and in many failed cases, not even then. Students are also exposed to industrial arts and homemaking – depending on the sex of the child.
So, what is a club activity? It could be kyudo (Japanese archery – nothing better than arming a teenager!); softball (for girls); baseball (boys); soccer; track & field; tennis (girls); kendo (Japanese fencing - again, nothing better than arming a teenager); swimming (if the school has a pool – only Sakuyama had one in my town); music, singing or judo. If there were any more, I never got invited to join them, and so I don’t know. Once you join, you are there until you graduate. I'm unsure if the pattern holds true through high school.
In Japan, no one fails a class. You join the school together and no matter how well or badly one does, you graduate together. Of course, there’s still the need to take a test to get into the proper high school. Depending on your test score, you might get into Ashley’s top-rated high schools, or perhaps one that caters to the technical studies – say electrical or auto mechanics. Then there’s farming followed by barber school. Of course, this does NOT mean that all barbers or farmers are stupid. For some it’s a family business choice, and for others it just might mean they aren’t good at taking tests. Heck, with my short-term memory problems (ie, inability to remember names), I’d be sweeping up after the barbers. More on the pressures of junior high school testing – and Juku (private extracurricular study schools) later.
Anyhow, students of 30-35 kids are part of a homeroom class, and wear badges denoting their school and homeroom – that way the police know which teacher to call!
So, between judo tosses and kendo blows I met the English teachers at each of my schools. While all were pleasant people, with a few exceptions their English-speaking skills were not the best. Grammatically they were technically sound, and knew more than I did – as evidenced by this blog. Heck, I never claimed to be an English teacher.
Japan may have realized the spoken language problem which is why in 1987 it began inviting native English speakers to serve as assistants to the Japanese teachers of English.
That first year saw a total of 848 AETs assistant English teachers). I joined up in 1990 when there was about 1,500 of us. By 2002 it peaked to 6,273 AETs. At least it shows that they are serious… and that I didn’t wreck the program. Budget cuts and the hiring of teachers privately through low-paying agencies has cut into the JET (Japan Exchange and Teaching) Programme.
I was paid ¥3.6-million (yen) a year. Holy crap! I was a multi-millionaire once! How did I blow it? Essentially it was about Cdn $36,000. Not bad for a punk out of school and at the onset of a recession. That was another reason my father told me: "Get thee to a nipponery" – to badly paraphrase Shakespeare.
So… would you like to know what Japanese teachers make? One man – Mr. Inoue - a teacher at Ohtawara Chu Gakko had been teaching for 20 years and was making the equivalent of Cdn $30,000 - which he considered very respectable.
Twenty years experience? Responsible for 30+ kids at school, club activities and after school discipline? How is that fair? Apparently in Japan, the teachers are expected to eat the respect that they earn. It’s really quite fulfilling. $30,000 – that’s like school in summer. No class. Except that they have school in summer here. Now I’m confused. That was such a good joke. I stole it from Fat Albert.
I was embarrassed, but Mr. Inoue (Inoue-sensei) rationalized that they needed to pay us foreigners a lot to get us to come. Sure, but what makes the Japanese teachers stay? Mr. Inoue thought about that for a moment, scratched his head, took a drag of his cigarette and muttered in pretty good English, "I have no bloody idea."
Having seeded doubt, my job was complete for the day.
Although I was told by individuals at JET to never share my rate of pay with the Japanese (they recognized a blabbermouth when they heard one, I suppose), I only remembered it 19 years later. And it's too late. I already wrote it down five paragraphs ago.
Sorry for the lack of knee-slapping buffoonery, but education is why I was in Japan, and it’s also why I’m writing the blog – for you and for me.

Somewhere, school’s out for summer – but not here,
Alice Joseph
Today's title is by Pink Floyd.