Big In Japan

Today is Tuesday, October 8, 1991.



I'm an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme living in the sleepy city of Ohtawara (about 200 kilometres north of Tokyo) in the prefecture of Tochigi, Japan.



It's my last day of work at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School), as I have permission to attend a team-teaching demonstration put on by my friend Matthew tomorrow, and then on Thursday, I'm on a short vacation to Sendai with my ex-girlfriend, but current friend-with-benefits, Ashley.



I have no idea why we are going away on a vacation together. It was her idea. As mentioned, while I can have a dominant personality and can get lots of people to do what I want, I prefer that they decide what they want to do, and if I agree, then I can get everyone else to do it. Control without being the known leader, I suppose. God I hate being introspective, sometimes.



Or, in this case... Ashley asked, I, like a good little puppy dog who is still in love or lust or severe like with her, readily agrees. I assume there will be sex. After all... we're friends - with benefits... and the only important benefit I know of from being anywhere with one's ex-girlfriend, is sex.



Going on a vacation together with someone who is your ex... well, isn't that what couples do... or just friends... not friends-with-benefits!



If I still had any blood left in my brain, I would have not gone with Ashley tomorrow... but I'm thinking about sex, and I'm thinking that her asking me to accompany her means she wants to get back together. Right? Am I right? I'm not sure...



It's still raining today.   Like yesterday, I help the kids with some English listening comprehension tests to help them prepare for a big exam. It's still fun, and it's still very much interesting to me.



However, lunch is quiet as the class I eat with lacks the guts or gumption to talk to me... although one young boy (this is a 3rd year class - Grade 9's), Suzuki-san is always peppering me with interesting questions. He's always a pleasure to talk to at this school...



Kanemaru-san and Hanazaki-san drop by the school while Suzuki-san and I are talking (that's lucky... show's I can talk to the kids!). Those two old guys (who are about as old as I am now in 2011 - 46), are my bosses/supervisors with the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education). Two nicer men I have yet to meet on this planet.



They bring along (from the teacher's lounge), Shibata-sensei, the young, hip, good-looking English teacher  who has all the female students swooning after him. Along with being brilliant and charming and funny, Shibata-sensei is also one heck of a good English speaker and very quick translator.



I'm telling... I got very lucky to be posted - or chosen - in this city. Actually... I think the Board offices get a say on who they want. I think Hanazaki-san once told me that they liked the fact I was a journalist with the Toronto Star newspaper... one of North America's best newspapers. I'll admit it was a selling point.



The three of them tell me that I have to pay a personal and city tax. Nertz.



On the plus side, the OBOE says they will cover that for me. They will put the money directly into my bank account (The Ashikaga Ginko (Ashikaga Bank), Ohtawara Branch) for me. That money will then be withdrawn by them to pay the two tax bills.



That is so cool of the OBOE. I also like how they came in person to tell me, rather than just calling up Shibata-sensei to tell me.



I go home, write a letter and relax. It's still bloody raining. I hope it won't tomorrow when a score of other AETs will be coming here to Ohtawara to watch Matthew do his team-teaching demonstration. Cripes... I hope my OBOE doesn't see too much of a disparity between what he does and what I does... otherwise they might actually make me do real work!



I watch some television and crash to bed at 12AM.



Oh... Karen Irwin called. She's a new AET (high school AET like Ashley - so she won't be there at Matthews demo) living in Yaita-shi (City of Yaita), 10 kiometers to the south. She's originally from North Bay, Ont... and arrived here two months ago. In that time she has made it clear that she would like us to slow down (IE no sex!), became buddy-buddy with my visiting mother going on little trips together, and even went on a 3-day trip to Nikko-shi (Nikko City) with Ashley.



I don't know what they talked about... the ex, and the girl who would eventually be my ex, if I let her (all women everywhere could eventually be my ex-girlfriend if they try hard enough).... but this evening... it is apparent that they talked.



Karen seemed to know a little too much about me. My mother - while she did like Karen very much - was no dummy, and I know she would never tell anyone anything about me. Ashley... she might, seeing as who we weren't together anymore... I expect that Karen would want to know the ugly stuff. Me being moody and crap like that. Truth is... I was only moody after Ashley caused me to be moody. But Ashley doesn't know that... and neither does Karen.



Karen attempts to psychoanalyse me. Really? This chick is going to try and get inside MY head? I'm already onto her clumsy attempts about 15 seconds into our telephone conversation! For me... this is like a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.



Because I know what she's doing - and why (she wants to know what makes me tick, and why Ashley and I broke up - perhaps so she can avoid the same mistakes), she pisses me off.



You know what led to Ashley and I breaking up? It was her pissing me off. Congratulations Karen. You've managed to piss me off even before we've become boyfriend/girlfriend. I guess there'll be no sex, now. Crap.



Regardless of the tempest raging inside my skull... I play it cagey and play it cool. She has no idea just how angry I am.



It's the real reason why I go to bed early today. I lie there and wonder...



Okay... Ashley came back from her trip to Nikko with Karen in a bitchy mood. Karen is acting inquisitive towards me. That means that Ashley knows Karen and I made out. It also means she knows Karen wants to go out with me... and if I know Karen, she probably asked Ashley if that was okay.



That probably put Ashley in a bad mood. It could also explain why Ashley suddenly asked me if I wanted to accompany her to Sendai... it's a little jealous revenge thing against Karen... who I don't think knows that Ashley and I are still sleeping together on occasion.



Great... all I need now are more women to start talking with each other about. That could never happen, right? Am I right? Even I don't want to think about the real answer.



Somewhere thinking about tomorrow and tomorrow,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is by Alphaville: BIG  Lyrics are right below the video.

Pipeline

Let's call today's blog a preface of things to come.

Today is Saturday, September 28, 1991. It's the beginning of the 15th month of my life here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.

Whenever I'm antsy, I tend to clean up my apartment. Not so today. Sometimes a guy just needs to do laundry.

I also head out to the post office to mail some letters home to family and friends in Toronto. At that time, being the famous gaijin (foreigner) that I am, the clerk says he has some mail for me. Usually, they deliver it - and all other mail written in English, to my apartment mailbox. I guess I just got there ahead of time.

That type of stuff would never happen in Canada... they have to deliver it to the mailbox.... I like that they know who I am. In fact, I'm willing to bet that the post office even knew I was coming there today, as it seems like there is some sort of underground gaijin spy network going on here in Ohtawara, where everybody gets a 24/7 update on just what their favourite gaijin is doing. Sorry Matthew... I'm the favourite. It's my blog.

Regular readers will know that Matthew is the other assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme who lives in this city (he teaches junior high school at the school outside of the city, and I teach at the seven within the city. He's my best friend here that I'm  not sleeping with.

The posties find a large envelope for me that I crack open immediately, as it's from Susan St Cyr, a JET head... who announces in her letter to me that she is resigning her position... aw, too bad (heavy sarcasm). At least she sent me 34,000 yen (US/Cdn $340) to cover my expenses for mailing out the prefecture JET newsletter The Tatami Times.

I rent some videos and continue to clean up a bit and then invite Ashley (my ex-girlfriend and current friend with benefits) over to watch Uncle Buck before we head over to the 4C bar for some drinks.

Tomiko, the cutie Japanese female bartender, asks me quite pointedly if Ashley is my girlfriend.

"NO!" I tell her quite emphatically.

The whole place hears my response but may (or may not) know what I was saying 'no' to. They probably all knew what the question was. It's that underground hotline.

I have no idea if Tomiko was asking for herself, for one of the six Japanese women in the bar, or all six Japanese women in the bar. Perhaps they were having a bet. Perhaps someone wanted to date me. Perhaps someone wanted to date Ashley. Maybe because everyone knows she was with me, but I've not heard of anyone wanting to date her. I'm sure there are men who do, however. Hmmm.

Despite me now after 14 months having sex for the first time in my life (thanks, Ashley) and having done so with more women than Ashley has ever had prior to meeting me... I feel jealous... for absolutely no reason.

Ashley and I have a couple of drinks. I constantly look around the place trying to gauge the actions and reactions of people to see who wanted to know about my social status... but can't figure it out. I assume now that the question was solely for me... I mean, they could have asked Ashley the same question.... but then again, she has always told anyone who will listen here in Ohtawara that she and I have only ever been just friends... while I have always done the opposite and said we were boinking as boyfriend/girlfriend.

Is that the opposite? Probably not.

Anyhow.. we leave the place at around 12AM, as she has to get home to clean up her place early... as she has a guest coming over.

It's Karen. The new senior high school assistant English teacher in Yaita-shi (Yaita City). The woman who wants to be MY girlfriend, and begged me to slow things down. I only ever wanted sex. Not another girlfriend... I figured it would be a better way to avoid a rebound... Karen wanted to slow things down between us... and suggested some space so that she could get used to Japan.

Fine... but she was the one who accelerated things with me. I hate that. Start me up, and then jam on the breaks. My advice for anyone is to not start what you don't intend to finish. Especially sex! Do you really think that endears men to you? We really do want sex. We'll take the relationship after... after we see if the sex is any good.

I haven't really talked with Karen too much these past few weeks since my mother left Japan. My mom had come for a few weeks to sight-see, and Karen glommed onto my mom and became her best friend. I have to admit that though cute, it kind of pissed me off.

As it turned out, my mom preferred Karen over Ashley... one who wanted me over one who only wanted me for sex... though my mother didn't know that.

Do mother's know best. In this instance, my gut says no. Karen has a lot of baggage, and while I am man enough to help carry it for her, at this point in my life I think I'd prefer to have my cake and eat it too... get laid as much as possible.... but ideally when the time is right, have a girlfriend with less baggage.

While my back is indeed better after seeing a chiropractor here, I don't need to hurt it again with a heavy burden to bear.

So... anyhow... Karen and Ashley are going to Nikko for a few days. I assume just the two of them... though it might actually involve a few other female AETs. Karen, though only here for two months, already went to Nikko with my mom. Ashley and I have been a few times already, and often go to a particular antique shop to pick up knicknacks... masks for her and pre-1867 ukiyo-e (Japanese wood block prints) for me. The proprietor of the shop has taught us many things on our two subjects.

Karen and Ashley going out to spend a few nights together out of town. If I had a dirty mind I'd think manly thoughts. And I do have a dirty mind.

Still... this meeting of the ex and the pre... well, that can only mean trouble for me sometime later.

I ride Ashley back to her place, get a nice kiss and then ride back to my apartment, ditch my bicycle and walk back in to the 4C, to see if anyone (female Japanese babe) wants a piece of me. They better hurry. I get t he feeling after Ashley and Karen's trip to Nikko, there won't be much of me left to screw with.

Unfortunaletly, when I get back... none of the six female patrons are still there, and Tomiko isn't flirting with me. Damn.

Oh well... I suppose someone somewhere is happy that I am here at the 4C by myself. I just know it isn't me.

Somewhere the noose is tightening,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Ventures: NOWORDS
PS: I know that that a pipeline in this song is a surfing term. I'm using it to denote a means of transferring information.

Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me & My Monkey

It's not all about the sex. It's just mostly about the sex. This blog is mostly about the part that is not about the part that is mostly about sex. I get it, even if I'm not getting it today.

It's Saturday, August 17, 1991. I'm living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. My mom has come to visit from Toronto. Karen, who is newly arrived in Japan  (three weeks), wants to be my friend before we embark on sex.

She and I are assistant English teachers on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. I'm on my second year here. I've also just come off a break-up with my girlfriend Ashley of Augusta, Georgia, and subsequent friends-with-benefits equation. It's sex without the hang-ups of ... well, everything.

I recently returned from Thailand where I was lucky enough to have become the boy toy for two hot-hot-hot Thai women who are 21, work at the hotel I stayed at, and were cool with me dating the other girl. Dating should have been in "quotes". My last night there involved a Thai sandwich, that was both filling and satisfying, but has left me wanting more... and that doesn't seem to be something I can pick-up here in Japan. But... never say die.

And here's Karen who wants to slow thing down so that we can have a relationship before we have sex. She obviously doesn't know who the heck she is dealing with. 

My mom and Karen went to the famed historical city of Nikko together yesterday. Nikko is famous for its "Three Wise Monkeys"... you know the ones: "Hear No Evil; See No Evil; Speak No Evil".

There should be a fourth one: "Touch No Evil, with the monkey grabbing his groin area. Matthew actually got me a statuette of the Four Wise Monkeys... and I'll be damned if I know where it is. Probably got taken out in the house fire a few years back.

Karen rather than going back to her apartment two towns south when the trip was over, came back to my place. She and my mom talked. I think I just touched myself while remembering Thailand.

Anyhow... at 8:30AM, Karen comes bounding into my room and jumps atop me, puts her arms around me, kisses me good morning, waiting until something pops up between us before hopping off. Damn... now more monkey business for me later.

She wants me to get up and fix her some tea and toast. I'm exhausted both physically and mentally. I haven't been alone in weeks and I've had dysentery.

By this time, my mom is up and sees Karen following out of my bedroom, arches an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything. I don't even bother trying to correct her mistake, as she already thinks I slept with all of the female staff at our hotel in Thailand, and that I probably got the stewardesses pregnant on our return flight home.

Why tell my mom she's wrong? besides, she knows that even if I was doing what she suspects I am doing, that I would be smart enough to use all of the condoms she sent me.

I am.. but if the past week in Thailand has taught me anything, one can never have enough boxes of condoms.

Because  I seem to have misplaced my bicycle key (to unlock it), I call up my boss, Kanemaru-san, at the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE). He comes over, and I introduce him to everyone. He raises an eye at Karen and then looks at me... like 'what the hell are you doing?!' I shrug my shoulders back at him as if to ask 'What the hell am I doing?!' We then take my bicycle over to one of the 347 bicycle repair shops that are apparently all located on a single laneway called Bicycle Repairshop Street.

I'm making that up, but it's not really that outlandish. I just have no idea what any of the streets are, as there are no street signs denoting it.

We leave my bike there - as they will apparently either create a new key or put a new lock on, and then drop it  off at my place tomorrow. 

Back at my apartment one hour later, Karen and my mom are sewing pillow cases for my sofa. You've got to be kidding me? It's almost the last straw. If it wasn't for Karen's awesome sweater puppets, I would've blown a seal... and then got angry when the seal wouldn't call me the next day.

I hate this! I appreciate the gesture, but I don't want to feel obligated to anyone I'm trying to boink.

I head out onto my western balcony for some fresh air, and to read Sherlock Holmes, as Karen, my mom, and now local girl (and only friend) Naoko plot out the details of my mom's trip out to the western part of Japan. Holy crap... my mom is going to see more of Japan than I ever will!

Why am I not going with her? Oh yeah... I'm 'busy' and have no money.

Karen wants to go with my mom (please god, no), but I don't think she realizes just how expensive it really is.

At 4PM, I take a bicycle trip out to Ashley's place to water her plants while she is away in the U.S. No, my bicycle is not yet back, however, I borrowed Ashley's bicycle for Karen to ride a few days ago... lucky... so at least I have something  - a girl's bike - to make the 20-minute trip (by bike) to Nishinasuno-machi (Nishinasuno Town).

Of course, pretty much every single one of my students in seven junior high schools happens to be out that afternoon, and sees me riding a girl's bicycle. Most laugh their head off, while others gasp as they know it's Ashley-sensei (Ashley teacher's) bike - and what happened to her.

The all-seeing Eye of Agamotto, which sees all and knows all, only watches my life. Perhaps it's because Ashley lives in Nishinasuno (northwest of Ohtawara), that people don't seem to know much about her life... or perhaps it's because she doesn't tell everybody everything. Whatever... she told me, so therefore, everyone should already know everything about her!

You know... I warned Ashley many, many, many times to never make a writer angry.  See? I told you not to make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry (or apparently when I'm not angry).

Unlike my friend John who left my fridge empty for me when I came back from Thailand, I restock Ashley's fridge with some bare necessities, as she is returning on Tuesday.

Back home, my mom's reservations for tomorrow's Shinkansen train ride out west, and for her hotels... they are all set. Karen has indeed found the financial waters at tad too deep and has correctly decided to get out.

Naoko drives Karen to the train station so she can go back to Yaita-shi. That leaves just me and my mom... and she's in the bedroom packing for tomorrow. I enjoy the quiet for exactly 30 minutes... that's when John arrives back at my place.

I make him, Naoko and my mom a super hot chili dinner. It makes them all sweat, but at least no one bitches about the heat. I don't eat because I know the food won't stay in me. One, if you'll pardon the pun, solid week of dysentery.

John's trip to Fuji-san was a partial success. He apparently got down to Tokyo without a hitch, but then got on another train that went east instead of west. By the time he discovered the mistake and actually got to Mt. Fuji (I don't believe it actually exists), there were no buses going up to Level 5 (a place where most people actually start the climb so as to not tire themselves out too much when trying to reach the summit. 

So... he either had six-hour hike or the option of a taxi. He took the taxi. I don't blame him... but how much did that cost?! The cab driver gave him a walking stick with all of the levels he would have physically climbed if he hadn't taken a car. The stick, actually contained a few more levels and had a stamp for the peak.

Still, John made it all the way up to Level 8 - and then crashed. He awoke cold and hungry, but did get some really good pictures. That's what he said. I never actually saw the photos... more proof that there is no actual Mt. Fuji. You can read my explanation for this HERE.

Anyhow... everybody loved my chili... especially my mom, who had no idea that I could cook. I can't. This was pretty much the only thing I can make.

after John packed and got ready for his flight back home tomorrow, he and went out for four beers apiece at the 4C bar. We run into another local gaijin (foreigner), Kevin... and both he and John chide me for being too quiet. Hell... I'm sick. And tired.

Am I loud enough for you boys now?

Somewhere touching my monkey,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Beatles: COMEON 
PS: I was actually quite impressed with John for trying to climb this imaginary mountain. He did good.
PPS: The image above is NOT the one Matthew gave me... his was a white plastic and maybe about 4 inches high per monkey. I can still picture it perfectly.

Where No Man Has Gone Before

It's Friday, August 16, 1991... I'm up at 8AM and feeling sick from dysentery--I can't stop going to the toilet! I'm living in the small city of Ohtawara, Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan... and have just started my second year here.

My mom is visiting from Toronto, as is my friend, John. I haven't had much time to myself--and that's something I think I really desire... even if its for a couple of hours alone every night, just to get my thoughts in order so that I can survive another day. I'm not depressed or anything... at least not clinically... I just need space. Star Trek got it right. Space is the final frontier.

I'm here in Japan to seek out a new life (for myself), a new world, and a new civilization. To boldly go (or to be grammatically correct), to go boldly where no gaijin (foreigner/outsider) has gone before. Trouble is... I don't feel like Captain Kirk in charge of my own spaceship. I feel more like that poor sucker in the red suit who knows he's going to die when beamed down onto a new alien planet.

That's what dysentery feels like. Plus my butt hurts from the lousy thin toilet paper here in Japan. I try to buy the two- or three-ply stuff, but it just seems too thin! When will someone invent toilet paper extra thick in the middle so your thumb doesn't break through and get crap all over it?!

Ahhh, but I digress.

I'm too sick to go with my mom, Karen (the girl who would be my girlfriend), Naoko (the girl my mom wants to play matchmaker with having met plenty of eligible bachelors on her sojourns around Japan) and Mr. Suzuki (the president of the Ohtawara International Friendship Association).

John leaves at noon to go and climb Mt. Fuji (Fuji-san). I still think that is a waste of time. I don't believe it exists. I've traveled by it five or six times and have never seen it. I've also climbed nearby Mt. Nasu (Nasu Yama) and used the telescope to supposedly view Mt. Fuji... and every single time there is some sort of weather thing obscuring what the Japanese say is Mt. Fuji. Fog. Clouds. Rain. Snow. Godzilla. It's just never been visible for me.

As John leaves, I get up out of bed  - free at last!!! - and fix myself up. Kanemaru-san (Mr. Kanemaru), my boss at the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) calls and asks me to come to work in the afternoon, as there is some heavy busines they need to discuss with me.

I'm on vacation, but what the heck. It's only a five minute bicycle ride away from where I live at 307 Zuiko Haitsu in downtown Ohtawara. It's the tallest building in the City, and is also supposed to be the most luxurious. I don't know about that, but my apartment certainly is large... three bedrooms, LDK, full bathroom, washer/dryer, and a pair of balconies... one to the west and one to the north. The north is lived in by Mothra-sized spiders that come out as it gets dark. Ick. I hate spiders.

So... at the OBOE, the earth-shattering work they need from me, is to hanko (sign) a single document. That's it. Whatever. I know it couldn't wait, and it's not like I was doing anything important. At least they all know I'm sick, as I have always told everyone exactly how I am.
"Kyo-wa, ogenki desuka? (Today, how are you?)"
"Ma-ma desu (So-so)."

Then the dictionaries come out and everyone determines what's wrong with me. Trust me... in this country where you don't know the language, system or anything, it's best not to keep too many secrets. Not like I can anyway. There is some sort of grave vine network in place in Ohtawara that lets the populace know where I am and with whom; what I am wearing, eating, drinking, purchasing or whatever.

I know this sounds stupid, considering I like being alone sometimes, but it's nice that the whole city seems to have taken a shine to me, and seems to be looking out for my best interests when it's obvious I don't do that for myself, what with being a recently deflowered virgin and current idiot.

At 6PM, my mom arrives back from Nikko... oh, and look who she brought back with her... Karen.

Karen and my mom are best buddies now, and enjoy the camaraderie. Me... I love my mom, but even back in Toronto, I sat alone in my room in the basement and watched Star Trek by myself (see THIS video).

Karen wants to spend the night. Schmoozing with my mom. They chat until 11PM when my mom finally packs it in.

Karen, with her head in my lap wants to know if I expect anything tonight. She says she'd like to be my friend first.

So, who the heck said anything otherwise? I just want sex. Not with my mom in the place, of course. My apartment is big - just not that big!

Karen says that sex can wait until later.

What? I have not said anything about sex... but there are certain expectations. I just nod my head and say okay. I certainly wasn't expecting her this evening, and I wasn't expecting anything tonight. I do have dysentery, afterall.
 
Karen sleeps in the living room on my couch. My mom is in my room on my queen-sized bed, and I'm sleeping in John's room, which is a bloody mess.

Somewhere beyond my rim of the star-light,
Andrew Joseph
Blog title is by Alexander Courage who wrote the theme song to Star Trek: WARPFACTOR.
Here are the original words to the song that were not used - written by show creator Gene Roddenberry. Sorry Gene... it sucks.



Beyond
The rim of the star-light
My love
Is wand'ring in star-flight
I know
He'll find in star-clustered reaches
Love,
Strange love a star woman teaches.
I know
His journey ends never
His star trek
Will go on forever.
But tell him
While he wanders his starry sea
Remember, remember me.

Slow Ride

It's Saturday, June 29, 1991.
I'm up at 7:30AM. It looks kind of cool outside, but I say screw it and wear shorts anyway.
Myself, Kanemaru-san (one of my two bosses from the OBOE (Ohtawara Board Of Educaction), his wife (name - no idea) and his youngest son, Tomohiro (who is skipping school - in Japan, kids go to school for a half day on Saturdays) go for a car ride to the west... to Nikko-shi (City of Nikko) in Japan. I've been living in Japan for 11 months now - and I love it despite the language, cultural barriers... but the friendliness of its inhabitants and good gaijin (foreigner) friends like Matthew, Jeff, Kristine and Ashley (my ex-girlfriend) make it a wonderful place to be. Most of the time. I have my ups and downs, but the ups far outweigh the downs - like 100 to 1.
Rather than drive to Nikko proper - the temple town, we drive up to the mountainous area.
As we approach a long bridge spanning two mountains, I see a hoist over the bridge going down into the chasm. I just know instantly that its there to pick up a dead body from the canyon below.
We don't stop, though despite our curiosity... we leave the morbid curiosity to the 20 cars that have stopped along the bridge to see the corpse. It means we have less traffic on the road, too.
About 10 minutes later we do stop on a bridge. It's apparently the highest elevated bridge in Japan. While it's only 135 metres high - it is high up in the mountains - so it has a spectacular view... at least I assume so, as there was a really good fog blocking off the sight lines.
The fog was really thick... but still, there were dragonflies everywhere - it was beautiful, but kind of sick toi hear them crunch under your shoe as we walked... that's how many of them there were.
(For some reason... in my diary I wrote: "all we needed was an earthquake".... which I assume would have meant me falling off the mountain).
We drove up another mountain and then took a left onto another plateau. we looked around. went higher. Looked at the fog. Spectacular fog! No view, but it was great fog!
Tomohiro was catching dragonflies and pulling off one wing and keeping them in his bag. Tomohiro was about 5. He's cruel, and I figure he'll make a fine banker one day.
Then we drove down, down, down! We looked for sembei (rice crackers - man, I love those!) and then went sightseeing in Nikko. We saw a row of 44 Buddhas - and a beautiful raging river.
It was very hot now and it was only lunch time.
We drove down to the capital city of Utsunomiya-shi. They visited their daughter at university there while I passed out in the car. Honestly... there's no need for her to meet the gaijin, is there?
Then we drive home.
I relax for two minutes and then get dressed to go to Takako's concert. She squeaks the clarinet twice, but looks spectacular, so who cares. Matthew is a lucky guy.
After, she Matthew and myself go to the 4C for a couple of drinks.
And because I noticed this, I'm going to write it anyway.
Takako got smashed and was pressing her body up against me. Matthew trusts me, so I earn that trust. It does make me a bit uncomfortable because I do like Takako and I am very single... but Matthew is so much my friend that I only enjoy the pressure and never think about anything else. Why can't that girl hook me up with one of her friends? Oh yeah... she knows me.
Anyhow... Matthew drives Takako's car home to her place - flawlessly on a right-hand drive stick shift. I have no idea how the heck he does that, especially knowing that he had a couple of drinks. The guy is Batman.
I'm in bed by 12:30AM. Slightly drunk. Very tired and incredibly horny. Where's Junko or Ashley?
The phone rings, but I don't answer it.


Somewhere wondering who they fished out of the canyon,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Fog Hat - for obvious reasons: TAKEITEASY
PS: Kanemaru-san drove a white Cherry Vanette.

Lean On Me

One of the things I like to do while in Japan is visit antique shops. It's not because I want to maximize my investment or anything like that - at least not financially. I have my own reasons, and it's not some obsessive compulsive disorder. Is there something wrong with liking nice things, or having things you enjoy having?

My favourite place to visit is a small shop called T. Takemoto (after the proprietors) on the drag in Nikko, in Tochigi-ken.

After several visits with Ashley, I used to go there by myself taking the 40 minute JR (Japan Rail) train ride into the provincial capital of Utsunomiya to the south, and then another 40 minute train to the north west into Nikko.  

I used to go there and look for ukiyo-e (Japanese wood block prints) - not the type you can buy at a department store, but the ones that were made 150 years ago or more. You can visit here to see some of my collection - UKIYO-E. Others are framed and behind glass  - and really, they are too large to place in a conventional scanner. My friend Cordell at work was kind enough to scan the ones for me on a large work printer and scanner.

At Takemoto's after they realized I was always up for spending a Y20,000-50,000 ($200 - $500) on some of their ancient prints, they began letting me go up to their vault hidden away from the general public, where I would pore over literally hundreds of these fantastic items and determine what I liked (all of them) and then determine what I could afford that month.

But this blog isn't about ukiyo-e.

On my first trip into that shop, I saw under a glass table a komainu - which I understood to mean 'Korean lion dog - 'Koma' for Korean, and definitely 'inu' for dog). It was made from ivory and the sculpting was called netsuke, which is what the Japanese call small ivory (and bone) carvings and figurines.

The the shop owners - the Takemoto's (a husband and wife team who gave Ashley and I green tea (o-cha) to warm us up after walking through the rain), told me it was carved over 220 years ago (as of 1990). I fell in love with it immediately. (See photo above).

The Japanese, when they first saw these statues thought they were dogs, hence the name, but in reality it was the Korean version of a lion - hence the mane around the creature's head.

They taught me that the komainu (as pairs) were placed to the right and left of an entranceway to a shrine or temple to ward away evil spirits from entering. There are always supposed to be a pair - one with it's mouth closed (my carving), and one with its mouth open.

I bought it for about Y20,000 ($200) and kept it in my place for a few months. When December of 1990 came around, I remembered it would be my grandfather Tom's birthday in early January. I carefully wrapped up the komainu and mailed it off to my grandfather and told him to keep it at the base of his door to his bedroom - as it was there to lend protection to him and keep him safe until I got back.

He loved it. And was very happy with my gift.

Unfortunately, in February, he died--in the very room I sit now typing this story out. A week previous, my cat Sam died... I guess the two were intwined because he enjoyed talking to the cat - and when he went, my grandfather lost a good friend.

I was very saddened to hear first about my cat and then my grandfather passing away, and it wasn't for another year and half that I returned home to pay my physical respects. I'll tell you tomorrow how I paid my spiritual respects.

When I got home in the summer of 1992 for a brief respite and to buy new clothes that would fit me, I noticed my komiainu netsuke sitting in the living room on a shelf behind glass. I asked my mom about it. She explained that her dad (my grandfather), thought my gift was too valuable and too nice to sit on the floor beside his door, and asked that it be put someplace safe.

He wanted to protect it, and all I wanted it to do was to protect him. My komainu wasn't able to do its job... or maybe he needed his open mouthed partner to help him complete the job. I figured he could do it alone, as there was only one way a person can enter a bedroom in the West, thanks to a door hinge.

Somewhere you can't trust things to do what they are supposed to do,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is sung by Bill Withers: listen HERE.
PS: Today was the day back in 1990 that I mailed the komainu netsuke to my grandfather Tom (photo below).

 

I Will Follow

On Wednesday, October 17, 1990, I was invited to travel with the 3rd year students from Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School) on a trip to someplace called Nikko. Famous for the original Three Wise Monkeys (see HERE), I didn't know that at that time - to be honest, I knew absolutely nothing of Nikko - or Japan.
I'd only been here for two-and-a-half-months, and this was the first time I had traveled anywhere outside a small radius from my apartment - except for a homestay organized by one of my bosses, Kanemaru-san, from the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education).
I'll spare you the details of the long trip et al - because I have no recollection of it.
Nikko - it was a fairly dull day, grey day. It did not rain, but it had the night before. It was the day before  I was hit by a car while riding my bicycle - perhaps it's why I have no memory of my journey to and from Nikko. You can read about that HIT here.
Why were we going to Nikko? Again -not much is ever explained to me - or maybe it was, but it was probably done in Japanese... and that's okay... their country, their rules, I should figure it out. Twenty years later - I have a clue.
We went to see an annual festival called Nikko Toshogu. It's a two-day festival, with the first day showing off yabusame (horseback archery), and today's event: the sennin musha gyoretsu (Procession of a Thousand Warriors).
The procession/parade started at 11AM departing from Nikko Toshugu Shrine finishing at Otabisho near Shinkyo Bridge at 1PM. Shinkyo Bridge is one of Japan's most famous bridges - so I'll write about that soon.
What is the Toshugu Shrine? Well, the founder of the Edo Bakufu government was the Shogun (aka leader) named Tokugawa Ieyasu. He is enshrined within the Toshogu Shrine. Just outside the shrine, is a beautiful gate called Yomeimon that is decorated with detailed carvings of mythical creatures. (See Photo below).

I have taken a lot of photos of the procession - I'm not going to win any photography awards here, but you can get an idea of the types of costumes, the locale, the number of people there - and you get to see the six students who babysat me. PARADE.
Although... not one of my babysitters warned me that when I ate a snack food involving takko (octopus) on a stick (I was expecting a tentacle only), that the doughy ball was going to contain an entire baby octopus - crunchy beak and all. It was tasty, but the crunchiness in something you expect to be rubbery was a tad unnerving.

Somewhere still trying to digest everything I saw and ate,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is brought to you by U2. You can listen to their song: HERE.
PS: I have no idea who these kids are now. I'm sorry. They would all be about 34 or 35 in 2010 - if you are out there - let me know!
But... if you look at the photo at the top of this blog, you'll see two of the girls I was with join a line of priests - as a joke. I just love their spontaneity, and as such, it's one of my favourite photos taken by myself while in Japan. 

PPS: Check out the photos of my students... if you were ever curious about the fancy dress outfits worn by Japanese students, the photographic evidence will learn ya!

Forever Young

Thank goodness for my girlfriend Ashley.
Maybe it's because her father once traveled to Japan, but she had an adventurous spirit and wanted to travel to Nikko.
It's August 25, 1990. I have no idea where Nikko is or what is there, but if it meant spending more time with Ashley, I would go to Hell and back - which if you've been keeping up with my frenetic pace, you'll know we once visited Beppu - home to the 7 Hells. GO TO HERE

Me being lovestruck allowed me the luxury of traveling in Japan without having to get lost - unless she told me to do so... but you don't want to here about all of those times.
I've prepared for you a few photos of my first visit to Nikko... you'll notice that Ashley is in a lot of them... looking at them again 20 years later, well, she was skinnier than I remember - I'm not trying to be mean here - but I understand the initial attraction now. It wasn't just convenience.  
I eventually figured out that Nikko is a 40-minute train ride west of Ohtawara - as the crow flies. As we are not crows, we took the JR (Japan Rail) train from Nishinasuno-eki (station) and traveled 40 minutes south to Utsonomiya-shi (city) the capital of Tochigi-ken (Province of Tochigi). From there, we changed trains and traveled an additional 40 minutes northwest.
Stepping out of the train station, I am not impressed by the town of Nikko. It's the boonies (do-inakka). The houses all look run-down, the town is small - but because I'm with Ashley, I let her lead the way past the town, finally arriving at our true destination - Nikko's temples and shrines.
Nikko translates to "sunlight" - and when you step into the temple area (to the west of the town) it is blindingly beautiful.
The area houses the mausoleum of Tokugawa Ieyasu, a very famous shogun (warrior emperor of Japan) who unified Japan in the early 1600s.
Beginning in 1603 until 1868 Japan had an isolationist policy - no foreigners/gaijin. This was something Ieyasu dreamed up to protect Japan from Christianity and other many things.
Also enshrined here is his grandson Iemitsu, also a famous shogun and the Futurasan shinto shrine which was built in 767 AD. No, I did not leave a number out - its over 1,300 years old..
What is shinto? It's a religion that Buddhist Japan also practices, worshiping gods that live in nature - trees, grass, water, etc. In fact, most Japanese houses have a shinto shrine each family member prays to in the morning and the evening - I believe the correct way to bow twice, clap twice while praying/wishing, and then bow once. It's a 10-second thing, if that.
Anyhow... that's enough history/information for you. To see photos of the trip, BOW & CLAP

Somewhere wondering what the big deal is over those stoopid monkeys,
Andrew Joseph
PS: Today's title is by Alphaville, and can be heard HERE.
Picture up above is of the famous Three Wise Monkeys: Hear No Evil; Speak No Evil; and See No Evil.

Hotel California

Part 4 of the August 28 road trip.

Remember how I ate some pumpkin-flavoured ice cream and didn't know I was lactose intolerant? As we drove to our next destination, I realized something was percolating in my gut.
Twenty bumpy minutes later with me trying not to fart we arrive at Handa Primary School (featuring grades 1-6).
When they jump out of the car, I hang back a moment and wait until they are far away and clear my throat loudly while farting into the car. 
Iso-san suddenly goes back to the opens the door, sticks his head, pulls it out and looks at me. He walks sort of close to me and asks "Daijobu?" (You okay?) and then : "Bikurishta" (Ommigawd!) before coughing loudly.
Anyhow, farting aside, there are 116 students and nine teachers meaning about 13 students per teacher. The school is 105 years which makes it older than that house we just finished visiting - I knew it wasn't that old!
The principal (Kocho sensei) Fukasawa speaks English very well and makes me promise to come back and teach him English and he will teach me Japanese. maybe we can do that every Friday morning - I'll have to see. (Nope - never happened).
We go to the gym where the entire school is sitting apparently awaiting my arrival. It's so quiet you could hear a bowling pin drop until they see me and it instantly becomes deathly silent.
I'm in do inaka (the boonies/sticks), and I may indeed be the first gaijin/foreigner they have ever sen outside of the television or movies.
Six pretty grade 6 students (girls) come up with a large bouquet of flowers and bow and stick out their hand for a handshake. So I do.
Ommigawd! This set's off a frenzy in the gym as the kids go nuts - jumping up and racing over to me to be the next to shake the hand of an honest to gosh gaijin. Five minutes later with every little bugger satisfied, it's time for me to go. You should have heard the disappointment. Instead of "Awwwwwww" I heard "eyyyyyyyyyyyyy". Everyone - and I mean everyone waved goodbye - which I returned in kind. One girl - maybe 11 years-old - ran up and flipped me the peace sign, which I stupidly responded in kind. The whole school rushed me like a prison break and flipped me the peace sign. Except one kid who just flipped me off. Not sure if I should laugh, I winked at him and he came over and gave me a big hug. Just as the student body prepared for another push forward to follow his lead, Fukasawa-sensei yelled out - "Dame dai yo!" (Loosely translated to: No way, Jose!) as the little buggers stopped dead in their tracks.
Hanazaki-san tells me I will visit the Ohtawara primary schools again in March. Cool!
By the time we get back to the OBOE, it's time for me to leave on time - while the OBOE workers have to stick around and wait for the Superintendent to leave first - and hope he isn't asleep in his office.
On the way home I purchase a kettle for Ashley, go home wait for her to arrive, head out to AiAi Town (a department store) for her to buy a rain coat (what for? it's beautiful in the country!). I purchase more spaghetti supplies and we then head back to my place to cook and eat.
Matthew's timing is better this evening as he calls after we finish up in the bedroom - and it's only 9AM, but that also means it's time for me to ride Ashley back to her place in Nishinasuno-machi (town of Nishinasuno).
As I'm killing bugs in her place, the old guy Marshall (he's 34 and from California) calls Ashley to ask if she's going to some beach party in Saitama-ken (Saitama Province). He says she can spend the night at his place in Yaita-machi so they can get an early start to the party. He then asks how her weekend was.
Ashley rolls her eyes at me - she knows I can hear everything he's saying on the phone - and tells him that she went to Nikko with Andrew. "Who?" he asks.
Bastich. I may have to have a chat with this guy.
She tells him she's not going to the party, but that Andrew is and suggests that maybe he could spend the night in Yaita. Ha! Good girl! he says something about having to go and hangs up.
I have to go too, but not before Ashley shows me a music box her old boyfriend Eric in the U.S gave her - I pull a Marshall and ask "Who?" She hits me, kisses me and tries to push me out the door.
Why the heck did she show me that music box? Did she see the one I had bought for her? I hadn't given her the music box because it was supposed to be a one-month anniversary surprise (August 30, 1990).
On the way out she asks me how much I spent on that music box - so she did see it! I tell her it only cost 3100 yen ($25 Cdn). She smiles, kisses me again and closes the door.

Somewhere and somewhen I had a pretty darn good day,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is, of course, by The Eagles: COLITAS
PS - In the photo above, I'm signing autographs at the primary school. I have a 6-inch Ultraman (a Japanese show I used to watch when I was a kid) doll (given to me by a student!) stuffed in my shirt, and I looked burnt out - which you can really tell I am in the photo below this:

PPS: Why this song/title? - The school is a lovely place/Ashley has a lovely face - but like the Hotel, danger lurks, and while you can check out any time you like, you can never leave. Even 20 years later, I can still feel their sticky hands all over me! Or is it my own son?
PPPS - I keep mentioning Nikko, so let's take a look next time.

Norweigan Wood

Friday, November 9, 1990

Up at 6AM, me and the girlfriend kiss and snuggle, morning breath be damned. I dress and leave Ashley’s for home. I didn’t even lock my bicycle last night because I figured I’d only be there a few minutes. But, this being Japan… and small-town Ohtawara, no one is going to steal the over-sized bicycle of a gaijin.

It’s a dull, cool morning. I ride home in a brisk 10 minutes and quickly get ready for school.

I do some dishes and swear I’ll do laundry tomorrow.

At school, there’s a bunch of flowers waiting for me and another Christmas cactus. I still don’t know why it’s blooming now. (In 2010, I have a Christmas cactus that supposed to be over 70 years old - it hasn't bloomed in three years!)

Class at Chickasono Junior High School is again kind of boring, but I do get to explain all sorts of cultural differences between Canada and Japan. I almost think I’d prefer to explain all of the cultural similarities.
Sasanuma-sensei drops me off at home at 2:30PM. Instead of going to the OBOE office like I’m supposed to, I go shopping at the local Iseya—a combination department store-grocery store. It’s fairly big, and honestly, it pretty much satisfies 99 per cent of my shopping needs.

By the time I head to the office at 3:30 (detouring back home first), Tomura-sensei, the head English teacher of Wakakusa Junior High School is waiting for me. He and Kanemaru-san proceed over the next half-hour to give me proper directions to Saitama prefecture where there will be a conference for all AETs in Japan—apparently I’ve been suckered into giving a speech on how to team-teach (More on that later). The event isn’t for another three weeks, but I appreciate the due diligence of the OBOE and Kanemaru-san to have Tomura-sensei proffer travel directions. I suppose my reputation as a dunderhead with no sense of direction has proceeded ahead of me.

Afterwards, the two of them read and translate a letter that was sent to them from that boy at Nozaki Junior High School (Nozaki Chu Gakko) who keeps phoning me. I’ve been to Nozaki, but I still have no idea who that kid is. Kanemaru-san is having a difficult time reading the letter, as apparently the kid’s Japanese is as good as my own. He asks if I will meet his English teacher on November 25 – that’s a Sunday! Anyhow, there’s also a nice photograph of myself and three No-chu (short version of Nozaki Chu Gakko) girls at Nikko--Syoichi Matuo (the girl immediately to my left) gave me the photo of herself and two buds - the back of the photo reads: "Good morning, Andrew!" I think she's making fun of the only line I understood of the phone calls from the boy at Nozaki who calls every night. Brilliant.

That done, Tomura-sensei tells me my schedule at Wakakusa next week. Oh the horror of horrors! I have ONE more self-introduction to make! Apparently this one class was absent the last time I visited. I’m unsure how an entire class can be absent.

This intro will make 73. Nuts.

I go home, relax and clean-up. I call Ashley at 6PM from me. She’s in bed. I guess I tired her out. Hee-hee. I know she’ll be asleep by 8PM. I make it to 10:30PM before crashing.

Somewhere dreaming about dirty laundry,
Andrew Joseph

Angel In A Centerfold

On a recent trip out to the town of Nikko, about a 40 minute drive due west of Ohtawara-shi, but a 40 minute train trip south to Utsonomiya and a further 30-minute trip north west, Ashley and I spent an enjoyable Saturday without any arguments.

We had previously visited Nikko in October of 1990 (which I’ll detail in another blog with photos) and checked out its wonderful temples and shrines, including one featuring the famous three wise monkeys… you know the one: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil. But, like I said… more later.

This time, we were in Nikko to check out Kegon Waterfall, one of the three most beautiful waterfalls in Japan. Strange, through it may seem, Japan has this thing for listing things in threes.

Along with the waterfalls, Japan also has a list of the: three most famous castles (I love castles!);

three most famous gardens; three most beautiful views; three most famous mountains; three famous Buddhas; three sacred grounds; three hot springs; three friendliest hands massage parlours; three best places to get drunk; three dog night; three months in a leaky boat. Okay, the last bunch after the hot springs entry were made up, to the best of my knowledge, but who, other than the Shadow, knows?

Anyhow, I promise that the next blog will contain photos of my favourites of some of these famous Japanese threesomes.

After visiting the waterfall, Ashley and I stumbled into a small, old shop on the main drag of town. It was quiet, wooden, and had a warm musty smell that was oddly relaxing. It was Dr. T. Takemoto’s Antique & Modern Fine Art Curios shop, and if you are ever in the area, be sure to check it out. A plump, friendly woman sat at the nearby counter, took a look at Ashley and myself smiled and in English welcomed us to her shop. She quickly ran to the back and brought us out a cup of green tea (o-cha) apiece, then went running back for some sesame crackers. Both were welcome additions, as it was cold and raining outside—what trip around Japan by Andrew would be complete without some rain?

I like antiques. I don’t know squat about them – this was well before the Antique’s Roadshow ever made it onto television—but I know what I like.

Ashley immediately gravitated over to the masks, and miniature statuary, but a look at the prices horrified my girl, so much so that she motioned for us to leave. Now, call me a sucker, but when someone gets you food and drink and welcomes you in from the cold and rain and speaks English, you set a while. Perhaps seeing Ashley’s look–probably having seen it hundreds of times previous from other shocked girlfriends, the shopkeeper asked if I would like to see some famous Japanese art called an ukiyo-e.

I had no idea what that was, so I said yes.

She disappeared up stairs and came down with about 40 folders, each one containing an ukiyo-e, otherwise known as a woodblock print - originally made utilizing cherry wood.These prints were often placed in magazines or books of the day, and often have a fold in them if they are overly large diptychs or triptyches.
They were beautiful. Women in gorgeous kimonos, vistas, action scenes, samurai, sumo, colours popping - in an art style I had only previously seen in Playboy when they used classic ukiyo-e's with witty captions. Who knew? 

Since it was my parent’s anniversary coming up, I purchased one. It was an 1864 print by Toyokuni from his series, The Story of Genji. While I have NOT included it in the photos HERE, rest assured that it sits in a nearby room, framed, and as immaculate as the day it first came out of the print shop back when the samurai class was still a samurai class.
The Story of Genji (Monogatari was written in the Heian-jidai (Heian era) in the year 1000AD, or there abouts. The tale is a work of fiction set in the Imperial Court of that era, with the story combining the only two elements then seen in Japanese literature: romance and poetry. It was written by Murasaki Shikibu, a lady in waiting to an Empress.

There are other ukiyo-e (size varies in ukiyo-e, but on average, mine are 9-7/10" x 14.5" or 244mm x 367mm)  in my collection showing off Toyokuni’s skills, including a triptych: three ukiyo-e, when joined to together form a single scene which I have framed and am too afraid (and poor) to remove in case I can't replace it; and a pair of 1860s comic books sewn together - each contains 10 two-page spreads and one single page of black and white imagery by Toyokuni. The comic books measure: 4.5"w x 7"h (112mm x 174mm), with the image at the top of this blog showing the comic book's colour cover.

I think it cost me about $250 (25000 yen - I'm staring at the receipt as I type... meanwhile in 2010, I have misplaced my coat) and to me worth every dollar of interest Visa charged me over the next 12 years. Actually, come to think of it, thanks to Visa, it probably cost be $4,047. Bugger.

Anyhow, over the next two and a half years, I frequented the store on average once every two months, where the owners taught me about ukiyo-e and antiques. It’s a shame I relied on my memory and have effectively forgotten more than I know. Yes, I know how that reads. I’m forgetful, not stupid.

Enjoy the ukiyo-e images. My thanks to Takako Hall for her help in deciphering some of the Series and Artist information I was unsure of.

Somewhere enjoying the view,
Andrew Joseph