Dinosaurs of Japan

Author's collection of dinosaur fossils

Today I am speaking to you from 2011. It's been some 18 years since I last lived in Japan as a junior high school assistant English teacher in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture). Now 18 years is a long time ago, but in the grand scheme of things, it's barely a drop in the bucket.

I've been interested in paleontology ever since I can remember, well, anything. I am interested in dinosaurs and what they ate and how they lived and died.

In Japan, I was lucky enough to find a couple of like-minded individuals... who shared my passion for fossils... as well as one such person who shared a passion for me.

A teacher at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) who knew nothing of me, showed me some of the  fossils he found while on a vacation/dig in Argentina a year ago. Seeing my fascination to finally touch a fossil for the first time ever--and realizing that I also knew a fair bit of paleontology, he presented me with a few pieces from his collection... ... some sea life gastropod shells, a sea ammonite... and my favourite—a portion of a spine bone and a partial rib section of a dinosaur I'd estimate to be the size of a chicken. I have no idea what the heck it is, suffice to say that I love them.

Down in Utsunomiya-shi (Utsunomiya City), the capital of Tochigi, I happened to stumble upon a traveling dinosaur exhibit one day—perhaps one of the only times I traveled successfully by myself. I purchased a few small shards of dinosaur eggshell—a Hypselosaurus found in France, from the Upper Cretaceous period of 80,000,000 years ago. I also spent most of the money I had on me for a large chunk of rock that was cracked open (and shaped to a globe), containing two trilobite fossils. How do I know they are real? The smell... the rock and fossil smell like nothing I've ever smelled before... it smells ancient... and it smells exactly like all of the other fossils I have (mentioned in this blog in the paragraph above and below).
 
Later, with my girlfriend Nobuko (the one who shared a passion for me), we drove to a place where we could dig our own fossils up, called Mine-shi (Mine City) fossil field in Yamaguchi-ken (Yamaguchi Prefecture). Granted the majority of fossils people could find are of the odd bug and leaves, it was still exciting. Take it from me... of the 30 people there, only I managed to find a near complete fossilized leaf. Everyone else only managed to find detritus... specks of leaves. Nobuko, to her credit, had no interest in dinosaurs or fossils, but knew I did, so going on such a big trip with me and for me spoke volumes.  

Anyhow, glancing at my fossil collection (photo above), it got me thinking... just what type of dinosaurs roamed Japan? No... I'm not talking about Godzilla, Mothra, Rhodan or Gamara.

There have been relatively few dinosaur bones found in Japan. Those thathave been found have been from the prefectures of Hyogo, Hokkaido, Fukui, Mie,Kumamoto and Fukushima.

Among some of the dinosaur fossils found are:

• a Spinosaurus, aTyrannosaurus-like carnivore, 17 meters long, sixtons in weight;
• Tanbaryu and Mamenchisaurus (aka Titanosaurus) - the largest known Japanese dinosaurs, were herbivoe, sauropods with names like Tanbaryu and Mamenchisaurus .The Mamenchisaurus is thought to be the largest and oneof the oldest dinosaurs that lived in Japan. It lived 120 million yearsago and reached a length of 20 meters. Fossils of these creatures havebeen found in Katsuyama, Fukui-ken. Tanburyu fossils been found in the in the Tanba area of Hyogo-ken and Mie-ken. It to is guesstimated to have lived 120 million years ago.
• Hadrosaurus—an 85 million-year-old skull of a seven-meter long, duck-billed,herbivorous  found in the a mountainsin Mifune-machi, Kumamoto-ken. 
• The oldest mammal fossils found in Japan have been dated to 136 millionto 140 million year ago. They came from three small shrew-like speciesfound near Kobe in Hyogo-ken.

There is also a pair of dinosaurs that seem specific to Japan, a herbivore and a carnivore named Fukuisaurus and Fukuiraptor, respectively.

Fukuisaurus

The image to the right is a Fukuisaurus, which translates from Latin to English into Fukui Lizard.
This herbivore is 4.7 meters long, with the top of its head at perhaps 2.0 meters. It's weight is estimated at 400 kilograms. Discovered in 1989 in the Kitadani quarry in Katsuyama, Fukui-ken, its full name is Fukuisaurus tetoriensis.
Fukuisaurus is a relatively small species and is bipedal, but could go down onto all fours.
The dinosaur lived during the Lower Cretaceous era of 99- to 121 million years ago.

Fukuiraptor

The Fukuiraptor's name means Fukui plunderer/thief. (See image to the left). Considered a medium-sized carnivore alongside its more famous kin—the Velociraptor--featured in the Jurassic Park films and books. It lived in the Lower Cretaceous period of 99- to 121-million years ago. About 4.2 meters long, as judged by the skeletons found, scientist are convinced that all fossils found so far are those of juveniles, and thus have not yet determined the true height or weight of the  creature. This specimen caused some confusion upon its initial discoverybecause its hand claw was mistaken for the killer claw on the foot of adromaeosaur. It is now considered to be a basal member of the Allosaurus family.

A more recent find in Japan, is the oldest known plant-eating lizard, consisting of a 130-million-year-old jaw and skull bones found in Ishikawa-ken (see map of Japan). Known as Kuwajimalla kagaensis,

and based on the size of the skull, scientists estimate it measures between 10 to 12 inches (25 to 30 centimeters) inlength. Before the discovery, the oldest known plant-eatinglizard was Dicothodon, which lived in North America about 100 millionyears ago.
Even today, fully herbivorous, or plant-eating lizards arerare, with only about three per cent of modern lizards belonging to thegroup. Nowadays, most lizards eat flesh, usually insects, or a combination offlesh and plants.Those lizards that are herbivorous, eat flowering plants, or angiosperms, whosebuds and leaves are typically softer than non-flowering plants.
This Kuwajimalla kagaensis fossil could therefore indicate that angiosperms were already in existence and perhapswidespread millions of years earlier than what had been previously thought.
"By finding this particular fossil from Japan, it might suggestthat flowering plants were already there, but we don't have directevidence yet," states study team member Manabe Makoto (surname first), of the NationalScience Museum in Tokyo.

Somewhere sniffing dinosaur fossils,
Andrew Joseph
PS: In the top most photo, you see some fossils in a shadow box. My wife and a friend of hers did that for me just a few weeks ago. Awesome!

Love Potion Number 9

A recent visitor to this blog used the search pattern "How do I introduce my Japanese girlfriend to my white parents?" I wish I had this answer for him then... but if he (or she) comes back... here's my advice: 

Brother... the fact that you have to ask that question means you think your parents are not as accepting as you are regarding people of other colours or cultures. If that is true, your parents have the problem - not you.

My parents never gave a crap about the colour of skin of any of my friends or girlfriends. The never gave a crap about what religion they are or what sexual orientation they are. They never gave a crap about what their job was either.

When I told my mother I was dating a stripper/exotic dancer, she simply asked me if she was a nice girl. I said yes, and that was good enough for her.

Because your girlfriend is Japanese, Hungarian,  Black, White, Brown or Blue, or is on Welfare or works as a waitress in a cocktail bar, that's YOUR business. If you can't handle that, then you don't date them.

You are the one dating your Japanese girlfriend. Not your parents. Don't let the narrow mindedness of people dissuade you from living your life in a correct and happy manner.

My wife, whom I met on a telephone dating service, was on welfare when I met her. So what. She was overweight, too. So what? You can always lose weight, but you can't gain intelligence. She said that to me, and I've never forgotten it. Apparently that weight loss thing is difficult, but let's not go there. She's smart, warm, charming and pretty and I love her.

If you love your girlfriend or boyfriend, or wife or husband, that's all that matters.  


My wife was reluctant to introduce me to her father, fearing that he might be a tad racist. If he was, he never showed it to me, and always showed me love and respect.

If you are still worried about the introduction, pick a couple of things your mother and father separately enjoy and have your girlfriend learn as much as possible about those subjects. I didn't have to fake this, but my father-in-law liked to live in the past and firmly believed hockey and baseball was much better in HIS day. Because I have a love of history and hockey and baseball, I was already able to converse with him on these topics. And, to avoid being too much of a know-it-all, I would sometimes have to feign ignorance on a topic to let him teach me.

What that did was show him that I (as a Brown guy of Indian descent) was every bit as Canadian as he was, but that he still knew more than me and could enlighten me on a thing or two). Play to their ego.

To introduce a Japanese girlfriend to parents who aren't as accepting as you... well, do you really HAVE to introduce them to each other? Or, if you do, a possible solution is to lessen the importance of the relationship a bit.

I hated it at the time, but my girlfriend in Japan - Nobuko - she introduced me to her mother and father as a 'friend'. Not as a friend with benefits, or as her boyfriend - but merely as a friend. I hated her for not having the guts to stand up to her parents, but in Japan, the Japanese can be a bit racist sometimes. I understood her fear, and I didn't like it, but what did it matter? I was with HER and still would be after that first meeting. (I also brought her dad an expensive bottle of whiskey and her mom a big bouquet of flowers!)

The Japanese are not all racist. My American friends Matthew and Jeff and Canadian friend Martin all married beautiful Japanese women and got no flack or grief from the in-laws. Nobuko's parents also loved meeting the famous me... but would they have felt the same way if they knew we were having sex? Probably not.

I'll assume you know your parents. As such, put off introducing your girlfriend to them... but if you must, warn her ahead of time of your fears and see if SHE is comfortable. It's going to be a stressful time anyways (for a first meet), so make sure you both can handle it.

And, should your parents still be asses after and during the meeting - screw them. You are dating her... not them. You may have to make a decision... her or them... and that's something only YOU can decide. Decide honourably and what's best for you.

Somewhere on a pedestal,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is sung by The Clovers: NEWVERSION

I'm On Fire

If you'll recall... back in October of 2010, I told you about my first meeting with Nobuko - the Japanese Teacher of English who would become my first Japanese girlfriend and a very short time later, my fiance. You can read about that event HERE - and check out a photo of us taken that first day when it was quite obvious that despite my love-at-first-sight meeting of her, it sure as heck wasn't reciprocal.

What you didn't get to read about, however, were all of the haiku (poems) I wrote for her in five minutes as I desperately wanted to impress upon her (well, I wanted to press something on her) that I was smitten for this kitten.

So... since the only person I have ever shown the following poems to is my wife (three days ago), allow me to share my puppy love with the rest of the world. Feel free to borrow any one you like in the pursuit of that significant other - just don't forget to let me know if it worked out for you.

A haiku is a three-lined poem, with the first and third lines consisting of five syllables, and the second line a whopping seven syllables.
  
Here we go, in the order in which it was written that day:

Her beautiful eyes
Seem to hypnotize my soul
Capturing my heart.

Long and lonely nights
Have passed by the wayside now
That I have found you.

Lost in a Romance
Her Smile intoxicates me.
I know what love is.

I can see the light
Emanating inside.
We are together.

Inside and Outside
Lovely legs and ruby lips
Kind at heart are mine.

Needless to say, I think I got progressively worse as I continued - it's why I dislike editing my own writing. Often the first bunch of words coming out of my mouth or keyboard is the most heartfelt and thus, the best.

Somewhere trusting myself,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by: Bruce Springsteen: HOTSTUFF
And, for your viewing pleasure, here is a video of Robin Williams doing Elmer Fudd singing Bruce Springsteen: WABBIT.
I also do a mean impression of Robin Williams doing Elmer Fudd doing Bruce Springsteen, but there's no video of that. I'm weally, weally shy, unfortunately.
PS: I'm sure my wife was impressed by my out-pouring of love for this strange woman she never met and was duly impressed that I had not done the same for her. Fear not... I made her cry with my own love letter to her the next day. In this case, 'cry' because it was good.

PPS: The image down here - well, that's the original sample of my haiku writing that day. As you can see - no scratch outs. Get'er done right the first time. You can also see that the sheet of paper somehow survived the fire at my house a few years back.

Hot Blooded

Hi there (Konichiwa!). I'd like to share with you part of a letter I wrote to my friend Rob in Toronto back on June 28, 1993. In it, I describe the hottest dance club going on in Japan at that time - Juliana's Disco.

I know, I know... I wrote the word disco (twice now!) which is sacrelige for a for a guy who loves his rock and roll. Still, one must evolve or get wiped out in the next mass extinction.

At this point in time I was going out with my Japanese hottie, Nobuko. In my letter to Rob I noted that Nobuko was studying for some civil service exams and was unable to see me that weekend, but for some reason, I was asked and accepted a dance date by some woman named Mika.

Who is Mika? What does she look like? Why was I out with her? I have no freaking idea. And, though I am loathe to admit it, she's not really pertinent to the blog entry.

Here goes:

(re: Nobuko) All of our difficulties and my 'fright' have been put aside. I'm comfortable. We seem to be a good match for each other. I just wish this language-thing wasn't such a drag. It will be difficult for her to find a job. Hell, me too. But, I'm afraid it will quickly demoralize her. Yes... she's coming to Canada. Perhaps even to stay. The wedding is next week. Can you come? Ha. It just seems that fast. And, in truth, I suppose it is.

I mentioned in my last missive that I was going to go down to the trendiest dance club in Japan with a girl named Mika. After I got back to my hotel room (separate), I called Nobuko. Guilt? Oh yeah. Even though nothing happened - just that I was out with another woman. I don't ever want to do that again - because, quite frankly, the guilt is killing me.

Juliana's Disco is a bizarre place. Located in Tokyo's Ariake district, once you forget that it costs you Y7500 ($75) to get in--women are charged Y5000 ($50), they give you a bunch of food and drink coupons to help you get over the sticker shock - and then you can begin to have a good time.

Well, let's see... all of the women are dressed in outfits that look like underwear. The good kind.

The dance floor is huge. In the back there's a DJ booth where the lone black man sits (except for the other one guarding the door). There two white guys, also... they open the door for you to enter the place. There are also some Japanese guys to park your car and some Japanese chicks standing around outside to catch your eye so you'll want to come in.

Back to the inside. There, opposite the DJ booth is a wall of televisions that are joined up to make one single image. There are 60 televisions - 10 across, by 6 high, and dammit it's like maybe 20 feet tall.

Ahhh, screw it.. take a look at my drawing (photo above). I don't feel like writing a description for everything. This is the first floor.

Beside the DJ booth are stairs leading up to the next level. It's really a catwalk so you can check out the action below.

See those rectangular boxes (tachida) near the dance floor. That's for the fan dancers. That's what I call them. These air-head Japanese girls get up on the risers holding a feathered fan in their hand wearing a very tight dress that is never more than four inches (10 cm) below the waist. They dance by never lifting their feet off the ground. Swaying their hips hypnotically from side to side (getting sleepy... sleepy).  In their right hand they hold the fan high above their head and wave it in the opposite direction for their butt swinging. By lifting their hand above their head, their already short dresses rise up a little more. It's inspiring, actually. Perspiring, too.

The single guys stand below them and stare up at the women, trying to see if they are wearing panties. They are. Hey! I had to look. I'm sure it was expected of me. Besides, I'm a curious journalist.

The single women at the club stare at the fan dancers and wish they could be up there, but they can't because they don't have the guts - or perhaps they lack a nice dress (looking around, that's not true). Whatever it is... they aren't being paid to dance - and the fan dancers are.

On the dance floor by 9PM, there is no more room to move - even with a big gaijin (foreigner) like me around, people are actually beginning to crowd me. I suggest to Mika that we leave. I mean, I'm tall enough to be able to get the air above the shorter crowd, but Mika - she's not. Uh-oh... here's comes the dry ice from a fog machine... now no one can breath.

It's okay... it was bloody hot in there. I had slugged back three beers and didn't get a buzz because I was too dehydrated for it to affect me.

Mika and I walked around, played a few coin-operated video games, ate some McDonald's and went back to our hotel rooms. I opened up a box of 30(?) baseball card packages I bought and read a comic book that had previously won a Pulitzer Prize - Maus. It's about the Holocaust. And then I phoned Nobuko.

We chatted for about 10 minutes. I got off the phone because she was studying for an exam the next day.

Early the next morning, I got up and went with Mika to a CD shop - buying the Best of Jethro Tull, one by Ministry, and a Romantics CD for my pal Colin. Later near the Electricland district, I bought a CD of classical Japanese music - no singing, thank kami (god)!) and one CD of music to do sumo wrestling by. There was also one for Yakuza (gangsters), but I was on a budget. Not.

We went to a foreign buyers supermarket where I picked up a couple of PEZ, a box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and four bottles of world-wide beer.

Oh yeah... it was 30C and humid, unlike Saturday when it was 30C and humid and raining. Of course, I was carrying around a lot of unnecessary stuff like a raincoat and a Stetson hat. Okay... it's actually a Biltmore - and I looked good in it, but I chose not to wear it at the club last night.

I arrived back home in Ohtawara-shi totally exhausted. Nobuko came over about 30 minutes later. We tried to watch the Temple of Doom (Indian Jones 2), but our hormones were running amok.

Somewhere sweaty,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is sung by Foreigner: HOT BLOODED and was recorded in Japan (!) back in 1985.

Eight Miles High

I guess if I was to describe myself in one word, it would be 'complex'. But since I don't have to, the point is moot.
I have a new girlfriend. She's kind, funny and demure. She's also Japanese - meaning I've truly become comfortable here in Japan, as I was always slightly reluctant to become involved in a relationship where language was always going to be an issue. Fortunately for me, my love at first sight moment occurred at a junior high school I taught at when I met this Japanese teacher of English - Nobuko. You can read about our first meeting HERE.
Nobuko is perfectly happy staying at home watching television, though I'm still trying to get included in that activity. Her idea of fun, however, is something called hiking, or what she calls it: bush-walking.
Not a bad activity, you say? Well, I beg to differ. On our first excursion, she took me on the trail to Hell. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
On a crisp Saturday morning, we set forth in tint little pedal car to the area called Nasu Yama (Mount Nasu) (see top photo showing the Nasu mountain range after a major rain storm), in northern Tochigi-ken (Province of Tochigi). We drove until we came to an area at the base of the mountain called the "Life-Death Stone".
(See photo to right and below) The Life-Death Stone is actually a large area where nothing is able to grow because of either a high concentration of sulfur or a battle between some gods. Perhaps the gods used sulfur bombs, I don't know.
Why sulfur? Well, Nasu Yama is actually an active volcano - okay, maybe not burping fire and brimstone into the air, but it is constantly venting steam from various orifices.

We got out of our car and marched over to a trail hidden by some thick bushes. Why they don't put them out in the open where people can see them, I'll never know.
We glanced at a map at the start of the trail showing it to be 5.6 kilometres. Well... that's not so bad. I used to be athletic 10 or 11 years ago. And besides, it wasn't like I had stopped playing sports. I was sure I could beat anybody on darn near any video game.
Before starting off on the walk, I asked her if we had enough food and drinks. She shyly said she had packed us a lunch - Awwwww - and had a couple of soft drink cans, too. I had brought along an extra pair of track pants in case she fell down and got muddy, and a couple of sweat shirts in case it got cold up this snow-capped mountain that is venting hot steam.
We began hiking. Trees and plants and dirt everywhere. It was cool enough that there were no insects buzzing about. For that matter, there were no birds chirping, either. Hmmmm. No wildlife on a volcano.
Well, we did meet 40 people from an old folk's home who were staggering by in the opposite direction. The giggled when we told them we were going up the 5.6 kilometer trail - and we had no idea why. I always find it ominous when I see a mass exodus of people walking in the opposite direction I am going and laughing about it. Always.
After a couple of hours of hiking up a fairly steep incline, we stopped for lunch beside a small stream. I dipped my hands into the cool water to wash away the dirt that had accumulated after wiping out 14 times. My girlfriend, the mountain goat, was unscathed. A sign near the water said there was only 3.6 kilometres to go. We were traveling at one kilometre per hour. Yeesh. And when was this trail going to start heading back down.
We ate and drank everything. Not a good thing to do - after all, I hadn't seen any food vending machines in the past half-hour. Nor any people.
We marched on. Higher, higher, ever higher until we reached quite suddenly broke free of the trees. We looked around and noticed we were about three-quarters of the way up the mountain to the left of Mount Nasu. A sign said we only had two kilometres to go. To where? Dante didn't have this much climbing when he descended through the circles of Hell.

After five hours of climbing (it was now 3PM), we saw signs stating we were only 0.1 kilometres away from our goal. Thirty minutes later, we reached the top. I looked behind us and noticed a very dense fog moving in quickly. We were thirsty, and I was cold and hungry and really wanted a Coke or a beer. I was not a happy camper. Nobuko? She was in her element as a mountain goddess.
We found a trail which led over to the Nasu Yama peak - which was news to me, as I had thought we were on the Nasu Yama peak. Nobuko was moving with grace and agility towards it, while I was crawling and holding onto the rocks along the side - holding on for dear life as my fear of heights quickly amplified into severe vertigo. She actually came back to help me along by kicking my butt and calling me a chicken (in English!) With her helpful abuse, we made it over to Mount Nasu and its ropeway. A ropeway is apparently a cable car. Who knew? I'm glad it wasn't what I thought it was. (See photo at left showing the view from the top of Nasu Yama, with the rope car line and exit station below).

Because we had just missed a ride down, we had time to grab a quick lunch at a kiosk.
The trip back down was actually uneventful, except for my screams of mortal terror which delighted the large group of geriatrics in the cable car with us.
Anyhow, my girlfriend understood that I was too stupid to admit my cowardice beforehand, and that the Japanese don't know the difference between bush-walking and mountain climbing.
Since I wasn't needed to help her up the mountain...

Somewhere saving my videogame princess,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by The Byrds: LISTEN
PS: That fog that was rolling in, really did make the last leg of our journey quite perilous. We could see maybe three feet in front of us - and that was it. There were also venting steam holes maybe 10 feet away where the volcano was belching at us. Was it hot? Believe it or not, I wasn't stupid enough to stick my hand in and find out. Sorry.
PPS: What a day. It was pretty much a 12-hour journey from start to finish back at my apartment. Part of my problem was that I still had a sewer soaker from stepping into the open space where a sidewalk tile should have been (see HERE). Okay, and the fact that being in shape doesn't mean you can climb a volcano or do bush-walking. 
PPS: The Nasu volcano group consists of a N-S cluster of five stratovolcanoes and lava domes at the N end of the Kanto plain. According to Wikipedia, it consists of:

• Sanbonyari Peak 1916.9m
• Chausu Peak 1915m
• Asahi Peak 1896m
• Nangetsu-san Peak 1776m
• Kuro-odani Peak 1589m

I have NO idea where I actually was now. Yeesh.

Charlie Don't Surf

I had originally entitled this: Downhill Lizards.
While I was riding by bike to Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Dai Chu aka Ohtawara Junior High School), I had the feeling I had slipped into a Dr. Seuss book. It was just like: And to Think I Saw It On Mulberry Street (see HERE), except that this street like all of the streets in Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara) had no street sign to tell me what street I was on. It made me wonder briefly just how the mail service worked.
But anyway... what I saw: The sights, the sounds, the throngs of people... whew! I guess you had to be there. Well enough of that.
The next day, I saw a gaggle of primary school kids (Sho Gakusei - kids in Grade 1-6). I knew they were primary school kids because they said "Hello" rather than "Herro" to me... anyhow, they were gathered in the centre of the goat path that was the road... I circled around them to see what the heck they were doing and noticed they were saying goodbye kitty to a former fur x four (that's a pun on the 4 x 4 vehicle), that had apparently been hit in a hit-and-scram.
During our rubber-necking, a middle-aged mother in a small white car drove by and honked at the kids to get out of the road because that "gaijin (foreigner) might be dangerous. The kids looked at me, said "Hello" and left. I must say that although the woman's statement irked me a bit - as did seeing two small children standing on the front passenger seat of her car - something else captured my attention.
There, just above the "Kiss Me I'm Italian" bumper sticker were three sets of skis held in place via a ski rack. It got me thinking, but then, so too did the dead cat. She didn't look like she was going skiing. Was she taking the kids? No!... the skis were all adult sized. Do pirates go to heaven? When do Japanese people take time off from, work to go skiing?
I arrived at school and noticed that 39 of the teachers there had cars with skis attached to the roof of their vehicles. One even had a surfboard. An inquiry was in order.
I found out that 47% of the teachers had never been skiing., and 49% had - though it had been when they were in primary school, and 1% had heard that all Americans like surfing. The remaining 3% was a woman who says she goes skiing often - and invited me to join her next time.
Apparently most Japanese use skis, ski racks and surfboard as a means of showing off their care-free abandon.
So... weeks later when it was finally cold enough to actually be winter in Japan, I went on that ski trip. We left at 4AM in her new white car, and hit a traffic jam... as apparently all other 3%'s know that 4AM is the best time to avoid the rush.
Getting to a local course at 11AM, I squeezed my Japanese size 30 (10-1/2) foot into the largest ski boot in Japan - a 27 (Japanese shoe sizes are based on centimetres). I then popped on the skis. My friend, looked at me and laughed. She asked me where my ski suit was. I was wearing jeans and a winter coat. She was wearing... how does one describe a technicolour yawn?
I looked around and noticed the fashion (non)sense of the average (and how) skier. I guess the Japanese figured that if a golfer can do it, so too can they.
How do I describe it? Well, it's like someone took a big box of Crayloa crayons - not the 48... the big ones - the 64 with the sharpener at the back - melted the crayons (it has a melting point of 128 to 147 degrees Fahrenheit - really), turned on a fan, held a white ski suit in front of it and then dumped the coloured wax in front of the fan... and then added a violent day-glo colour.
I could be wrong... does Crayloa make a larger box of crayons?
The most interesting aspect of my first attempt at downhill skiing was watching the others to learn their techniques. I guess I didn't quite get the grasp of it as I didn't fall down and scream very much.
By the end of the day, I was getting pretty good at maneuvering around the fallen, crumpled bodies.
Hey! Maybe that's why they wear such bright clothing! It's so the ski patrol and the ambulances know where the bodies are! It also hides the blood.
By 2PM, it was time to leave, and spend another seven hours in a traffic jam because all the other skiers thought it would be a great time to avoid the rush.

Somewhere wondering who moves the dead animals to the side of the road,
Andrew Joseph 
Today's title is by The Clash: You can hear it HERE.
PS: In the photo above, that's some of my Lego (I mean my son's Lego.. ahem...): A Japanese samurai wearing skis and carrying a surfboard. Banzai!

PPS: In the photo down here, that's Nobuko about two years before I met her - despite the perfect straight black hair... I prefer the more mature do she sports during OUR time together - see HERE for an example of her hair
PPPS: Notice the pink blotch in the lower left corner? Ski suit.

Black Magic Woman

What was I doing the April 1992 weekend before I met Nobuko? I was seeing someone else! Sort of.
For some reason, Matthew's girlfriend (now wife) wanted me to meet a friend of hers who lived down in Tokyo.
Not having anything better to do than meet a cute Japanese woman, I gleefully accepted.
I woke up early on Saturday, rode my bike to the Nishinasuno train station (Nishinasuno-eki) 20 minutes away, caught the local rail up to the Shinkansen (bullet train) up at Nasu Shiobara-eki and then rode quickly and in luxury down to Tokyo.
About 40 minutes later at a speed of about 250 kilometres an hour, I arrive in Tokyo and was met by Takako.
Takako is a slim, very attractive young lady who had  enough grip on the English language who quickly captured the heart of my best bud in Japan, Matthew Hall. Takako was one smart cookie... she always looked at me like I was a complete idiot, but one she liked. I didn't know she like me enough to try and set me up with one of her friends - but obviously she did.
We went over to meet her friend - I'm unsure exactly what I was expecting, but the girl I met sure as heck wasn't it.
Shinobu (which she told me translated into Ninja girl) was an 18-year-old knock-out! Yeah, I was 28, but we were both adults - so I didn't mind the age difference... especially since you can see what she looks like in the photo above. Guys... would you be upset with a 10-year age difference if the girl looked like that? Sorry... woman.
Shinobu was 5-foot tall. Tiny. An infectious smile. And the biggest boobs I have ever seen on a Japanese woman in my nearly three years there.
I had always joked that my ideal woman was an Oriental redhead with big tits. As I understand it, the term Oriental is no longer considered politically correct - but I didn't care where a person was from... so, in this case, the term Oriental implies any woman with an epicanthic fold for eyes. You can see what that word means HERE.
So... with Shinobu, it was obvious she had two out of three of my ideals... but nothing a bottle of henna couldn't resolve.
What was the drawback? She wasn't necessarily the smartest person in the world, as she knew zero English... but that's cool, I pretty much knew zero Japanese... actually, according to Takako, her Japanese wasn't that great either - but neither is my English.. Regardless, there was a physical attraction for both of us. You can read HERE about why she might have been attracted to me... I said might have been.
Anyhow... Takako, Shinobu and I went for dinner, and then drinks. The bar was super crowded and it was tough to get the attention of the barkeeper -  so... if I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't have believed it... Shinobu moved to the bar in her tight jeans and even tighter t-shirt, waited for someone to get off a stool at the bar, sat down and pointedly lifted her boobs up and placed her still shirt-covered mounds on top of the bar.
Flomph!
Instantly, there were three barkeeps (two men and one woman) fighting to serve the still jiggling Shinobu. We got our drinks, and I had another reason to be impressed by this diminutive woman. 
Shinobu and I had decided that we would visit Tokyo Disneyland the next day - and that Takako had some other stuff to do. Truthfully, I think she wanted to give us some alone time.
Unfortunately, that alone time did not extend into the night time, as Takako needed a place to crash for the evening (as did I). Shonobu and I lay together on her single bed, while Takako crashed on a few pillows on the floor below and beside us.
Shinobu continually pressed her backside up against my frontside at night, and even though she was afforded a few hours of sleep, I was not. I was up - in more ways than one - all night long.
That feeling didn't go away in the morning as Shinobu decided to sit on my lap while we ate cereal for breakfast. Somewhere at this point in time, Takako left us... so it was just the two of us - alone - in her apartment... but instead of doing the horizontal mambo, Shinobu wanted to go to Disneyland, and gave me a really nice kiss to make sure she knew we were together.
Still up - some eight hours now, she held my hand smiling at every person she met - saying hello to everyone - it was like she was showing ME off, like look... I have a gaijin (foreigner) boyfriend. Truthfully, I didn't mind. I was just wishing I could meet someone I knew to show off what was on the other end of my hand!
Disneyland... no matter what country you are in, is an expensive venture... but no cost was too great for this 36DD cutie... yes... that was her chest size. Oh... My... Buddha!
I was still up, as she kept backing in to me every five minutes or so, just to check if I was still liking her. She knew what I had going on, and she was determined to keep it going.
The day was a blur, as obviously I had a lack of blood flowing to my brain. Still, we went on rides (she tried to sit on my lap on Magic Mountain - as I grabbed a mountain or two of my own), we saw shows (she tried to sit on my lap while we were standing watching the Country Bear Jamboree, we ate junk food (here I let her sit on my lap, as we shared all the food I bought). But I wasn't complaining... except that it was difficult to walk. It was difficult to sit. It was difficult to concentrate on anything but the swaying of her sweater puppets, as she danced while pulling me this way and that to the next attraction.
Finished at Disneyland, went went to another restaurant, ate cuddled up beside each other, and then I walked her home. Hoping for a little (lotta) relief, she turned jumped up and grabbed me around the neck to help pull herself up around my waist with her legs. Long kiss over, she hopped off and said in a sing-song voice, 'bai-bai'. She opened the door to her place and walked inside, closing it behind her.
What the heck? Now what was I going to do?
Let's just say the next two hours it took to get home were very painful. Why?
Have you ever read the back of a VIAGARA package? Essentially it says that should you have an erection for over four hours (??!!) you should contact your doctor. If I had know that, I would have, but Viagara hadn't been invented yet!
When I got home it was 22 hours with company. The whole trip home I could smell her all over me. It was intoxicating. Have you ever ridden a bicycle with an erection? Let me tell you, it's not very comfortable.
All I knew was that when I got home, it was onani time (see HERE). I nearly hit myself in the head.

Somewhere, the player got played (and didn't mind one bit),
Andrew Joseph
PS: In the photo above, Shinobu poses with the author, who appears to have taken his shirt off revealing his hairy chest - or it's Br'er Bear. I still can't tell.
PPS: The next day I met Nobuko, and never saw or talked to Shinobu again. Shows you what I thought of Nobuko, eh? You can re-read that TALE. 
PPPS: Today's song/title is by Santana because of Shinobu's bewitching of me. For the weekend. CLOSEYOUREYESANDLISTEN.

Matchbox

For any younger readers, this blog entry is a tad more adult than usual... so don't tell your parents. 

So... your old pal Andrew just had a first date with Nobuko Kikuchi, a Japanese teacher of English at Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junuior High School) where I go (along with six other schools) to team teach.
While I had been out (and in) with a couple of other Japanese women, I had spent the majority of my 2 and-a-half years as the play-thing of other foreigners working in Japan, with women from Canada, the U.S., Scotland, England, Australia and New Zealand.
Why? Why go to Japan to sleep with the gaijin (foreigners)? The simple answer, is that there was a need to be filled. Sorry, no double entendre was meant there. By that statement, I meant that while all of the guys on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme were trying to get with the local Japanese talent, the female foreigners were not trying to do the same, and spent most of their waking day fending off well-meaning but misplaced advances from the Japanese men.
The following has been written and re-written a total of four times. The end result is the same - I still come off sounding like a pompous ass, but at least withy this version I hope I am clear in whatever point I am trying to make.
The facts:
Yes, I dated/slept with a lot of foreign women while in Japan. It wasn't necessarily my idea. I was just a willing pawn. Y'see, of the 28 women I slept with while in Japan, there was only one woman I actually asked out - Nobuko.
This blog is going to explain the mindset of the average foreigner - men and women, as well as that of the average Japanese man and woman, regarding sex and stereotypes. 


Because I was once a journalist (worked for the Toronto Star as a reporter before coming to Japan), I had no qualms about asking the foreign women their opinions on sex and the Japanese man. Most of the foreign women living in Japan did NOT want to date or sleep with a Japanese man. This is not MY opinion, this is just from a small sampling of 25 women I talked to. Scientific it ain't.
 Why? According to most Japanese women - and foreign women - Japanese men are chauvinistic. Fair enough. They probably are.
 -Foreign women, as far as sex goes, seemed to also be hung-up on the fact that the average Japanese man is not as big (down there) as the average, let's say American man.
  - Japanese women - they had heard that foreign men were bigger than the average Japanese man. They also heard that foreign guys would treat them better than the average Japanese guy. 
 - Foreign men - they had heard that the average Japanese women was a sex toy, with beautiful long black hair who wanted nothing more than to look after their man.
 - Japanese men - they just liked women... especially foreign women. If you were blonde, so much the better (in a nation of raven haired women, blonde is good). Plus the average foreign woman is purported to have big boobs. The purport is correct, but I know a Japanese woman or two with big boobs.
Stereotypically, Japanese men are all workaholics in lousy suits -  but they are smaller down there. See photographic evidence HERE. The Japanese condom is on the right.
According to a Penthouse article I once read (yes, some guys do actually read adult magazines), the average Canadian is between six and eight inches, and the average American between five and seven inches in length.
Now, as a proud Canadian who enjoys waving the flag (double entendre was meant here), my female AET (assistant English Teacher) compadres did not, for the most part, wish to become embroiled in a relationship with a sexist, short man.
However, with nearly all of the foreign guys doing yeomen's work trying to date the Japanese female population, there was a vacuum... and nature abhors a vacuum... and as such, with any vacuum, something will always slither out from under a rock to take advantage of a situation.
That's where I came in (so to speak) - as a non-Japanese male NOT currently chasing after Japanese women, I was ripe for the picking, and was asked out on many dates, asked to be an escort down to Tokyo dance clubs, and sometime just asked to perform, if you know what I mean. So I did. 28 times.
After my first year in Ohtawara-shi, and again after Ashley broke up... er, I mean I broke up with her (though we did reserve the right for her to have booty calls, seeing as how she still trusted me - she just couldn't stand being around me for longer than three hours at a time)... I began to play the field. With the new crop of AETs just winging in, there was your old pal Andrew hovering around looking to make a positive AET role model impression on them. That year alone, I slept with eight different female AETs... and thank the stars, no one really wanted a commitment from me.I had become a player. Yes... I said a 'player'. It sounds strange for me to realize that now in 2010 that I was one of those guys I always hated, but the evidence is before the court, and I'm tearing down the walls. Still, and I am saying this with a now 20-year perspective on things... it's not bad for a guy who was 25 years old when he arrived in Japan (nearly 26), and was still a virgin.
Quality versus wantity? Why can't a guy have both?

Anyhow, the purpose of this blog entry isn't to brag (well... maybe a bit. Okay... a whole lot), but it's also to explain the comings and goings-on of the men and women when they aren't at work here in Japan.
Foreign guys wanted Japanese women.
Foreign women wanted any foreign guy (me).
Japanese women wanted to see if the myth was true (sometimes yes, and sometimes no).
And Japanese guys... they also got screwed... just not the way they wanted.
Japan: There's no rife like it.

Somewhere this puppy dog is vacuuming,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title was inspired by The Beatles: Listen to the song HERE.
PS:  While of course I did a lot of bragging here  - but for the foreign guy, Japan is just like Tokyo Disneyland... the catch is, you must be "this" big to ride the rides.
PPS: Next blog - the woman I was dating the day before I met Nobuko.I know... I'm such a pig.

First Date

Working against time - owing to the fact that I am only afforded the luxury of one week (actually four days) to visit a junior high school to team-teach - I really had to move quickly to try and get this Japanese teacher of English to come over to the dark side (to quote a Sith Lord).
Fortunately for me, my students at Nozaki Junior High School seemed fully aware of my infatuation with Kikuchi-sensei and were, much to my chagrin, working on my behalf to convince her I was an alright kindda guy - even though I was a gaijin (outsider/foreigner).
Actually... that whole foreigner-thing didn't seem to enter into things as far as the students were concerned. I liked them. They like me. They liked Kikuchi-sensei. And knew I liked her. They just needed to let her know that she should like me, too.
As seen in the LAST blog, their bombardment of her of all things Andrew must have worked, as on the Thursday - the last day I would visit that school for another month, she agreed to go out with me, and promised to call me later that night.
Riding home from school that day - well, I have no recollection. My mind was elsewhere - like in a field of flowers imaging Kikuchi-sensei and I running in slow-motion towards each other. I had been smitten with her at first sight. She, as evidenced by THIS blog - ennnnhhh, not so much.
I was nervous... so much so that I actually went home and had a shower so that I could look my best for her telephone call. Hey, I told you my mind was in a fog! 
After dressing, brushing my teeth and putting on some cologne (no idea why I did any of that - except for the teeth brushing thing - I had eaten natto for lunch - click on NATTO for an article... and then click HERE for MY version of how natto was first created).
Anyhow, true to her word, Kikuchi-sensei called me that night at around 8PM, and forever became known as Nobuko to me. We talked for about five minutes... small talk about how her day had been about what we each had for dinner, and about when we should go out.
I suggested Saturday, but she thought she might have to do some things at home--she was living at her parents home in Kuroiso, 10 kilometers north of Ohtawara-shi--and instead suggested this Sunday at 10AM.
Sunday at 10AM?.. Okay... I had a date with a gorgeous Japanese lady... granted she wasn't the first Japanese lady I had been out with, as I had slept with a teacher at one of my schools (Nozaki!), PLUS, I had spent the last weekend with a gorgeous young lady--the day before seeing Nobuko. In a few days, I'll create a blog entry and reveal my date with "Ninja-girl" an 18-year-old 5-foot nothing chick with double D breasts. Got your attention, eh? I have photos, too!
Back to Nobuko and how, for the first and only time I wished for a Saturday to hurry up and pass.
Sunday arrived (finally!)... I was up at 8AM and ready and waiting anxiously by 9AM. At 10AM on the dot, there was a knock on my front door. I ran lightly to the door, peeked out through the eye-hole, saw it was her and unlocked the door.
I opened the door, she looked up at me, smiled and nervously walked in - glancing behind her in case she was followed or seen by any students, which is always a possibility in this city.
She wore a white dress, short sleeved, stockings and white bra... as I was able to glance a white strap as she walked past me to slip on the pink slippers (Finally! Someone wore the damn PINK SLIPPERS). Her hair smelled of apple blossoms. If she wore make-up it was subtle enough that I couldn't tell. She looked gorgeous - so at least, in my mind, she was treating this like a real date.
Offering her a Coke as she sat down on the couch, she accepted. I sat down beside her and smiled... she asked me why I wanted to go out with her.
My explanation of - I don't know why, but something in my head said I had to - was better than me telling her I had fallen for her based solely on looks - which was actually the case.
Smiling at my so-called honestly (It's amazing what time and experience will do for a guy's memory), she said she would drive us down to the Tochigi-ken capital city of Utsonomiya-shi - explaining that down there, we'd be safe from the prying eyes of her students and the rest of the population of Ohtawara-shi.
Having gone out with fellow-AET Ashley for over a year, I understood her penchant for wanting to keep things a secret - but like with Ashley, I knew that that would never happen--what with the rest of Ohtawara being nosy buggers, and me having a big mouth.
We drove off in her toy car (a miniature car of some Japanese make that was NOT white) down to Utsonomiya, and arrived 50 minutes later. We parked in a garage, and walked along the main covered drag where there were a host of shops and restaurants.
We stopped in a Japanese restaurant, though she did want to eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken to placate me - hey... I love the chicken, but one of those secret herbs and or spices doesn't like me, and I develop gas very quickly... the last thing I wanted on a first date with Nobuko and me being a 50-minute car drive from my bathroom. Nope... I insisted on  Japanese food - so she could teach me about things Japanese people like.
That was bull-crap (and she probably knew it), but she played along. We had a great meal, with me having unagi (eel) on rice, while she had the pork kontatsu (breaded pork cutlet) - plus a beer each.
I was feeling tipsy (probably giddy from excitement), but I can only imagine what this 100-lb, 5'-2" woman  was feeling. Apparently it was no pain, as she grabbed my hand as we walked out of the restaurant.
There was no way in Hell I wanted to let go.
And then it happened an hour later... after walking out of a movie theater (just checking to see what was playing, we did not see a show), we walked smack dab in the middle of four of her Nozaki students.
"An-do-ryu-sensei! Hello! Huh!! Kikuchi-sensei??!! Oh my god-do!"
My initial reaction to the students was: Hey! At least they spoke English.
But poor Nobuko, she ripped her hand out of mine and hid her hands behind her back. I watched her blush and lower her eyes as she said hello to these four girls.
Each asked the other (in Japanese) what they were doing in Utsonomiya. Nobuko later told me the students said they were shopping for clothes. She said she told them she was doing the same - as the poor foreigner (me) was having a difficult time finding clothes that might actually fit the big guy, adding that she knew of such a shop here in town.
She wasn't fooling anyone, though. I had probably let the cat out of the bag when I looked at the girls while Nobuko was speaking to them and raised my eyebrows a few times while grinning like a cat that had eaten a couple of canaries.
I'm guessing the student experience had scared her, and suggested we go home. Just as well, as apparently that eel I ate was giving my stomach ideas.
On the way back to my place, while Nobuko shifted gears, I placed my hand atop hers. She quickly removed her hand from underneath mine - 'oh crap! I've gone to far', I thought... but she quickly placed hers atop mine and squeezed.
Back at my place, she walked me back to my apartment, came inside the place, and watched as I closed the door behind her... she made no move to put on the pink slippers, so I knew this was the end of our date. That hand-thing in the car, was one bit of sign language I could understand, so I knew she wouldn't put up too much of a fight if I should move in and try to kiss her... and for about 60 seconds, she didn't mind at all.
I asked her to call me when she got back home.
Why?, she asked. 
"So that I know you got back safely.

Somewhere wondering what the heck we talked about for the next six hours,
Andrew Joseph
PS: Today's title is by Blink 182 - You can hear the song HERE.
PPS: By the way... should any of you wish a peek at some of my photographs from Japan, feel FREE.

Teacher I Need You

Welcome bloggers. Good morning. Guten morgen.  Annyong-hi jumushyossoyo. I hope I got the German and Korean right. Hell.... I hope I got the English right.

Yesterday, I  formerly introduced you to Kikuchi-sensei, the new Japanese teacher of English at Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School, aka No-Chu). You can read about my attempts to sweep her off her feet HERE.
Failed attempts, I suppose I should say. I was never really a good sweeper.
Between Tuesday and Thursday of that wonderful week in April 1992, I tried everything I could think of to get her interested in me. Which wasn't much admittedly.
Sure, I wrote her a haiku (three-lined poem), I complimented her on her appearance, her spoken English skills, what a great teacher she was--but Kikuchi-sensei was stoic in her resolve.
Keep in mind that we are in Japan. I couldn't come in with a bouquet of flowers (or have them delivered to the school)--the Japanese, especially at work, are very reserved. I'm unsure if that's by design, or just the way everyone wants it, but that's the way it is. You can act like an ass or a giddy school girl outside of work, but at work you shut your mouth and do your job.
Now, me? I'm a gaijin. That means outsider (not even foreigner). As such, I don't have to play by the rules. I do, of course, but I pick and choose when and how I'm going to fit in like a Japanese person or stick out like a dumbass foreigner with no concept of how the Japanese do things.
Here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara city), the general population has allowed me a heck of a lot of leeway. Yeah, they know I'm a foreigner, but I'm pretty out-going here. I have a good time doing whatever it is I'm asked to do, and I smile while doing it. My buddy Matthew (fellow junior high AET) who also lived in Ohtawara, was another guy who followed the rules, did things his way, and enjoyed doing what he did. It's why we got along so well, I think. And still do, 20 years later.
Sorry for getting off track there, but I wanted you to know that I did try my best to pursue Kikuchi-sensei while I was visiting the school.
I was told that culturally, women who go out with foreign men can be considered easy - the foreigners only want to sleep with you! Well, yeah, but we're that way with women no matter where they are from. And, truthfully, sometimes we do want more.
So... I couldn't be as overt about my intentions with Kikuchi-sensei as I would have liked. Because I'm who I am, and because she was such a beautiful young women, people were watching us. To see if she would dare to go out with the local Assistant English Teacher who had a reputation for really, really liking women (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)... or to see if this stupid gaijin was going to get in the way of the other single, Japanese teachers who were waiting patiently for a school party to get drunk and feel her up.
Yes, I do think like that, and I knew that I was going to have to work faster and more efficiently.
But a funny thing happened over the next three days at No-Chu.
The students all seemed to know that I was hot for teacher, and were doing their darndest to help me out. But I didn't know that until later... all I saw was that over the three remaining days, her attitude towards me was slowly changing. I actually saw her smile at me.
Y'see, the students had been constantly talking to her about me. Saying what a nice guy I was. That I was funny and handsome, smart and rich. I don't know what drugs these kids were doing, but they must have shared some with Kikuchi-sensei.
On Thursday (my last day at No-Chu for another month while I visited other schools) and between classes, I sat in the in the teacher's lounge. Unexpectedly, Kikuchi-sensei came over to talk to me, lightly put her hand on my knee while laughing at one of my stupid jokes (she also covered her mouth with her hand--it's an Asian thing women do when they laugh), and said she was impressed by how much the students at this school like me... that I seemed to be their favourite topic of conversation. (Huh... mine, too).
Realizing that this was my opportunity, I pounced! I leaned in close so no one else could hear me and whispered in her ear: "uh... ummmm.... uh... oh geez... uh..."
I pulled my head back, took a deep breath, and moved in closer again. "Kikuchi-sensei...if you have any free time, would you like to go out sometime?"
She pulled her head back quickly with a look of shock and disgust... or maybe it was because I had eaten natto for lunch. I needed a breath mint!
She waved a finger back and forth between us, asking if I meant her and me...I nodded a yes, and looked down at my shoes and said "Hai".
"Okay.  I'll call you tonight," she said as she looked around to see if anyone in the room could understand English.
"I'll give you my phone number," I said, also looking around hoping that someone here could understand English so I could brag.
"I already have it."
"Nani (what)?"
Oh yeah. As a foreigner in a small town, it's really tough to be anonymous as people seem to know exactly what is going on. Everybody knows everything about you. You are a G-O-D... a gaijin on display.
To actually go out on a date, we were going to have to be creative in our plans.


Somewhere awaiting a phone call,
Andrew Joseph
PS: Today's title is by Elton John. I know, I know... I should have used Van Halen's Hot For Teacher... but I already used it last year. Man, I'm stupid. Anyhow, Elton's song has ANGST. 

PPS: Next, a phone call and issues of privacy.

Brown Eyed Girl

It began with a poem...

It was April 1993 when I walked into Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School) knowing I only had maybe five months left in Japan before my three year deal was up. On the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme, we are allowed to sign one-year contracts to stay up to a total of three years.

Nozaki - or No-Chu - had always been my favourite school (of the seven total junior schools) I visited while in Ohtawara-shi. The school itself was more middle-class affluent, and so were the students. Their demeanour was very much similar to what mine was growing up in white, middle-class Etobicoke (now a city within Metropolitan Toronto in Canada). But this blog isn't about the students.

April was the beginning of a new school year... it also meant new teachers. One of my favourite teachers - Miss Noriko Ishihara had been transferred to Kaneda Minami Chu Gakko (Nan Chu)... and I wondered just who was going to be talking her place here at Nozaki.

I had ridden my bike out to school that day - maybe a 20 minute ride - it was warm but a sunny, non-humid day. I was wearing my teal (blue-green) jacket, black raw silk pants, had my hair in a pony tail and had a nice French-cut beard going on over my face. I looked goo-ood, and I'm pretty sure I knew it.

I walked through the front doors and over to the teacher's office where I bowed to the principal and vice-principal who both seemed genuinely glad to see me, as I was to see them.

I walked over to Mrs. Nagashima, the head English teacher, smiled, bowed deeply and greeted her like the old friend she had become. She always reminded me of my mother (in a good way). She sat down beside me at my desk. I glanced straight ahead and to the left and gasped audibly.

Nagashima-sensei (teacher) must have heard me, and smiled as I asked: "Who the heck is that?"

Ever smiling, showing off her teeth, Nagashima-sensei said (and this is all from a perfect memory, people): "Oh, that is (and I swear she put the emphasis on the word) MISS Kikuchi. She is our new English teacher."

If she said anything else after that, I have no idea. For me, it was love at first sight. Shallow, yes... but, this is me.

Kikuchi Nobuko was the most beautiful woman I had ever met (until I met my wife, Colette years later - I only mention that because she does occasionally read these blogs - especially when I write about other women).

Nagashima-sensei and I walked around the desks to Kikuchi-sensei's desk and made the introduction. It was slow motion. That's the way it felt. As well, I knew that every set of eyes in the office was on me, because it was obvious I wasn't the only one who thought she was attractive.

We bowed to each other, said hello, she told me we would have a class together in Period 2 (we would both have Period 1 off)... I smiled and said "I'm looking forward to working with you", and walked quietly back around to my desk.

I don't know what made me do it, but I did it. At that time, I was on some kind of roll with creative writing. I could touch pen to paper and stuff would evolve. Much like today, when I write, I often have no idea what I'm going to write until it comes out. It's always a nice surprise.

Anyhow, putting pen to paper, I wrote a Japanese poem - a haiku, a three-lined poem where the first and third lines are composed of five syllables and the second line is seven syllables. Here's what came out on a clean, white, ruled paper:

Her beautiful eyes
Seem to hypnotize my soul
Capturing my heart.

Nice, huh? I wrote it in less than 20 seconds. I didn't even need to count the syllables - I just knew it was perfect.

I don't know what made me do this either, but I got up, walked around the desks to Kikuchi-sensei and said (as she looked up at me): "Here... I wrote this for you."
She took the paper, read it, and said: "That's very nice. Here."   
"No," I said. "It's for you." I then smiled, turned and walked back around to my desk.

Now you boys and girls might think that I was now 'In Like Flint' (had it made)... but as I sat down, I glanced over at her, and noticed she had put my poem aside and was quickly back at work. There was no blush in her cheeks, there was no sideways glance at me... she was just looking over her teaching report.

Stupid me forgot that this was her first teaching gig (okay, I only JUST realized that 18 years later), and she was probably trying very hard to ensure it wouldn't be her last.

She was going to be a tough nut to crack, I thought to myself.

When second period began, we walked up together to the classroom. I opened doors for her (it's not actually being polite. Men do that to check out a woman's butt), smiled and tried some idiotic small talk. Along the way, almost every single Nozaki student passing by, shouted my name in glee, bowed deeply, smacked my back, pounded my shoulders and grabbed my hand in greeting. I did the same.

Obviously, it was the guys doing the more physical greetings, but the girls were shouting my name out causing other kids to come running. I told you this place was great! Not just respect, but these kids were genuinely glad to see ME.

Because the class was a first-year English class, I was asked to do a self-introduction, as these kids had all just come up from various nearby primary schools. Now because I had been visiting primary schools every March while the Junior High Schools had final exams, the kids knew me already and were quite friendly towards me - as well, they were not afraid to speak their cheerful minds.

During my self-introduction (30 minutes long) that included details of my personal life (birth date, height weight, marital status (single), I showed photos of my family and friends, dog and car (thank goodness I had a Japanese Mazda 323!) that amazed them all. I also stupidly brought out photos of three female friends of mine, and called them my girlfriends.

What the heck was I thinking? I wanted a new girlfriend, and here I am bragging about three women back in Canada that I never even slept with! And why wouldn't they sleep with me?

I glanced over at Kikuchi-sensei and saw her look away - was that disgust on her face?

Thankfully, the self-introduction was over. But the kids had questions for me. Now Kikuchi-sensei, aside from her obvious beauty, also spoke English very well. Of all my teachers, perhaps only Tomoura-sensei at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Waka Chu) and Shibata-sensei at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Dai Chu) had better skills. Perhaps.

The first question: "Why don't you have a girlfriend anymore? What happened to Ashley-sensei?"

Geez... these kids had been doing their homework! 
 
I told them that we had broken up a long time before she went home last summer. (By the way, all of the questions were from the girls).

"Do you like Kikuchi-sensei?"

"Well, we've only just met, but yes, I like Kikuchi-sensei."

Not getting the answer they wanted, I was prompted again.

"Do you think Kikuchi-sensei is pretty?"

Giggles from everywhere, but I looked over at Kikuchi-sensei and gave her the once over looking her up then down, turned to the class and said. "Hai. So desu-yo!" Which roughly translates into "Oh, yeah!"
Then for good measure, I added: "I think she is a very pretty woman."

This didn't needed to be translated in Japanese, as one kid obviously was very good at reading my drool-spilling face and translated it for the rest of the class.

Thankfully for Kikuchi-sensei, she was saved by the bell... It was lunch time. I got to stay with this class (and Kikuchi-sensei) as we had our lunch doled out for us... by the way... the students were quite helpful... they purposely sat Kikuchi-sensei and I down beside each other... boys all around us, but girls facing us...  in a circle... watching us eat... watching our body language... let me tell you... there was NO body language suggesting anything from her. I actually glanced up at one of the girl students, looked over at her teacher, back to the student and slightly shrugged my shoulders. She nodded back with a concerned look on her face.

Even the kids knew I was hung up on their teacher! They also knew it wasn't happening!   

After lunch the girls and boys of that class grabbed me to talk - and we did - with me answering their simple Japanese questions with my crappy Japanese - but it worked. We discussed their teacher. It ended with a simple Ganbatte An-do-ryu-sensei (Good luck Andrew teacher).

I had two afternoon classes with Nagashima-sensei, and I must admit my heart wasn't in it... my heart was elsewhere. Or perhaps my head was... or was it my groin? Probably a bit of everything.

When class was over, Nagashima-sensei grabbed a camera and said she wanted photographs of us English teachers. Sure why not?

Check out the photo above. Look at Kikuchi-sensei's body language... she did NOT want to be near me. And me - bravely had my arm around her shoulder... yikes!

I went home, thought about onani (really, you should read this episode: WHAT?) decided against it, sat in front of the television and tried to figure out what I was going to do to get this woman to like me.

Somewhere realizing this episode IS about the students,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Van Morrison. Listen to it here: 20/20.
PS: This is all 100% true. The students at No Chu really were this nice - and really were interested in helping me in my efforts with Kikuchi-sensei.
PPS: Nobuko, her first name, means "ever-expanding girl"... which I'm pretty sure had nothing to do with this 5'-2", 100 lb woman's size.