Showing posts with label Onsen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Onsen. Show all posts

Rocket Man

Cripes. It's Sunday, September 1, 1991 - school starts tomorrow. I live in the small city of Ohtawara in Tochigi Prefecture in Japan. I've been here for 13 months, and I have greatly enjoyed my time here in this strange but wonderful country. The only thing that screws me up is the woman situation.

It's true that I came to this country nearly 26-years-old and still more virginal than a Catholic girl's school, but quickly got over that - though I wonder if I could become a born-again virgin, y'know, just for old time's sake. I've already hit double digits, despite having an unsteady relationship with Ashley for 10 months. Every time we were off again, I was on again with some woman who would literally throw herself at me. Crap like that never happened back in Canada. Never... I could have been on fire in my Toronto-area high school cafeteria or university or college, and not one single woman would have even noticed. Sometimes Canada is a really stupid country.

Even now in 2011, how come I never get hit on? Are women that lazy here - sit back and let the men come onto them, shoot them down and choose the one guy who looks super good but knows it? Welcome to Toronto's bar scene.

In Japan, it's a rare event when I don't have some woman try and talk to me at a bar. It's even rarer that I don't have a girlfriend or regular or even semi-regular sexual partner - but that's what is going on in my life here in Ohtawara. As such... I'm moody and agitated.

Up at 10:30AM, my friend Matthew who lives five minutes away comes over to my apartment. We then walk over to his place and get a ride from his girlfriend Takako to the Asian Rural Institute in the north end of town. They are hosting a picnic at Shinoyama Koen (Shinoyama Park). The Institute is a place for farmers from India, China, Pakistan, Indonesia - heck - Asia - to learn Japanese farming techniques so that they can go back home and apply it there.

Ohtawara, despite only having 50,000 people in it, seems to have a plethora of foreigners living in its boundaries. Along with the 12 people at the Institute (I've never seen so many brown people in one area before - I'm actually from white middle-class suburbia in Etobicoke - a city within Metropolitan Toronto and as of 2011 am still pretty much the only visible minority on the block... some 37 years after I first came to the area), there are also a lot of Japanese businesses (technical types) that have a few gaijin (foreigners) working at their plant for short contracts (from Canada and the US mainly). And there's Matthew & myself who live in Ohtawara, a few New Zealand bartenders, and others scattered around... it's no wonder this burg has an Ohtawara International Friendship Association!

And yet... despite the preponderance of foreigners, most of Ohtawara still seems stunned when they see me, as I am still often the first foreigner they have ever seen. I guess I get out a lot. (Matthew, too!).

At the picnic: It's hot out today. Bloody hot. India in August hot. Hovering at around 39 Celsius.As soon as I get there, I go for a beer and relax. It's a good thing I never (ever) get hang-overs, or I'd be a dead man every day in this country!

As I sit by myself, I overhear people from the Institute talking with Business foreigners with some Japanese locals (there are a few in Ohtawara) about me. They talk in Japanese and in English. I can't speak Japanese worth a damn, but it appears as though I understand a heck of a lot more than I should. When the heck did that happen?

These people are gossiping about me with me sitting maybe 15 feet (4.6 meters) away! They are talking about the number of girlfriends I seem to have.

I don't correct them on that, but do state that I currently have no girlfriends, and don't want one.

My friend Naoko.
Naoko, a Japanese lady friend with the Friendship Association, is ever nearby and asks me 'Why?" I tell her it's because people are always spying on me or gossiping about me, and how could I do that to another woman. Naoko quickly runs off and disappears in the crowd. And it seems like there is a crowd of maybe 100 people.

Suddenly the party-goers at the park, part like the Red Sea for Moses, and I see Naoko talking with Shoko, the very pretty, shy and quiet Japanese local who likes me and me her. Shoko is one of the students in my extra-curricular night time English conversation class I teach (and get paid handsomely) for the Friendship Association.

Feeling stupid from the alcohol and the heat, I want to get away from the gossipy gossipers, so I move off and try and hide. But, Matthew, ever-concerned for my mental health, follows me to ensure I am not by myself. Apparently I yelled my responses back to the gossipers.

Then Shoko comes over and quickly asks me out on a date!? God I love this country. I had always been reluctant to go out with her because I was afraif of the language barrier. Shoko was too, or maybe she just always figured I had a girlfriend and didn't want to be part of the revolving sextrade I had going for me in my apartment building.

Cool. Next Friday she and I will go out for drinks over at the 4C, if I am not too tired from my daily routine of working three hours a day team-teaching (with a Japanese teacher of English) at one of my seven junior high schools (chu gakko).

Despite this bit of happiness injected into my bloodstream, I still act and perhaps feel quiet, shy or aloof. I don't mingle much. I guess I'm still upset about people talking about me within earshot expecting that I wouldn't hear or understand them.

Even back in 1990 and 1991, I had always threatened Ashley (and others) by stating: "Never, ever piss off a writer." Twenty years later, I guess I'm proving my point.

After the picnic, Matthew and I head back to my place and watch some Sherlock Holmes episodes I had taped on my bilingual television and VCR (video tape recorder). We then go to some place called the Orient Club to exercise for three hours. I have no idea why Matthew even knows of this place, but he knows a way more about Ohtawara than I do, as he seems to have more of an explorers spirit, and a greater Japanese language ability than I will ever have. I guess that's why he has a Japanese girlfriend, and I only have a first date with a quiet, shy and reserved cutie pie.

The Orient Club has light cycles, treadmills, stair masters and some other stuff. It's a smallish place, but very clean and well run. We go for a swim, a sauna and then an onsen (it's like a hot tub but a bit bigger). I weigh myself when w start. It's 76.45 kilograms (168.45 pounds), and when we are done, I'm down to 75.85 kilograms (167.22 pounds)! My blood pressure seems a little high at 143/80. My body is hurting, but with the weight loss (I'm not fat! Yay!) I feel good.

Matthew and when finished, go over to the fastfood restaurant Mosburger. It's my favourite comfort food, and Matthew seems to know that. Give me convenience or give me death! Of course our supper blows all of our training, but who cares?!

My mom and dad call me at 12:30AM to let me know she arrived home safely in Toronto after mom came out to visit me here in Japan. Despite the lateness of the hours, I don't care - I couldn't sleep anyway... thinking about Karen, Kristine, Ashley, Shoko and my threesome with two hot Thai women a couple of weeks ago. That's why I'm so moody!

For five days in Thailand, I was getting sex four plus times a day for five days. Now I am not. Karen wants to be boyfriend girlfriend (and I just want sex); Ashley offers sex when she wants to as a friend-with-benefits (I also want a relationship); Kristine - I want a relationship, but she lives 500 kilometres away, and I think she's probably too good for me; and Shoko who I assume wants a relationship with me (but I'm unsure what I want with her - sex, yes, but a relationship with a nice Japanese girl would be a step up for me here in Japan - I am concerned about how we are going to communicate with each other when we have a language barrier. A physical relationship is fine, but I do want more.

Hmmm. Karen is offering me that (and my mom likes her; didn't like Ashley; probably would have loved Kristine; and been luke-warm with Shoko due to communication difficulties) but something about Karen is off-putting. Probably my need to have Ashley back as a girlfriend. I am so screwed up in the head still.

Hey Matthew - I don't think there is enough Mosburger in the world to make me feel better.

Somewhere restless,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Elton John: BLAST-OFF!
PS: I don't sleep well again - a recurring event here in Japan... either due to me thinking too much or not enough.

I'm Your Captain

In April of 1991, I took over as the Editor-in-Chief (don't call me chief!) of the Tatami Times, the monthly newsletter for AETs (Assistant English Teachers) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme in Tochigi-ken (Province/Prefecture of Tochigi). Mary Mueller was the Prefectural Representative for us, and Catherine Komlodi (Gasoline) was the editor. They were leaving after this summer, and I was re-upping for a second year.

Blond and beautiful, I had huge crushes on both. I may have had huge crushes on all of the women I ever saw, but that is open to discussion. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Although I haven't mentioned Mary very much, she was a strong, smart and gorgeous broad. In my first ever issue, ye old blogger did an interview for her in my sub-section Tatemai Times.

Here, for your edification is that interview:

Mary Mueller Mulls Macaroni
Recently, ye editor caught up with former Tochigi-ken PR, Mary Mueller. We (The Tatemai Times) wanted to ask her to describer her time in office.

TT: Hi Mary. How are you enjoying life at PR?
MM: Oh, it's just great!!! I now get to relax and sleep a lot more at school!!!
TT: Are you suffering any withdrawal symptoms from losing all of that power?
MM: Well, my office knows I'm not in charge now!!! So I can't spend all of my time on the phone!!! Darn it!!!! No longer can I call up people long-distance and tell my office it's PR business!!! Now I have to use my own phone!!! Do you have any idea how expensive my phone bill will be?!!!
TT: Uh, yeah... so can you tell us an interesting story about your time as exalted leader?
MM: Of course!!! I like talking about myself almost as much as that An-do-ryu guy!!!
TT: Only louder.
MM: What??!! I can't hear you!!!
TT: Nothing. You were going to tell us a story?
MM: Huh?!!! Oh yeah!!! (squeal!!!)

*Interlude* The next six hours are a blur as ye editor slipped in and out of consciousness...

MM: ... and then he fell to his death!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!! And then there was the time...

*Interlude* Two hours later...

MM: Now this is my favourite part!!! Oh come on you guys... wake up!!! I can't believe this!!! Now shut up and listen!!! I'm going to tell the readers all about your snoring on the Nasu hiking trip!!!
TT: Thank-you very much Mary for your time...
MM: Quit talking while I'm interrupting!!!
TT: I hope the rest of your life is as adventurous.
MM: You haven't even let me speak!!! How can this interview be over?!!! Huh?!!! Answer me that Mister Smartypants!!!
TT: Sorry. It just is.
MM: (Expletives deleted!!!)
TT: Th-th-th-that's all folks.

Somewhere there was something about Mary,
Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is brought to you by ye Grand Funk Railroad: POWERTRIO
PS: Mary was always giving me the gears - but she was so cool to always call me at just the right moment with a birthday wish or a call to check in me or just to get the latest gossip while secretly ensuring I wasn't becoming suicidal.
PPS: Tomorrow's entry is a biography on one Catherine Komlodi - the former Tatami Times editor, but secretly my dream girl.
PPPS: Tatemai means 'white lies'. The photo above is the cover to that first issue of the Tatami Times. Tatami means grass floor mats. I didn't come up with the magazine name, but it's cool. I altered the artwork - one of the brilliant Thirty-six Views of Mt. Fuji by famed ukiyo-e artist Hokusai Katsushika (surname first). If you don't get my joke, it's a running Bugs Bunny cartoon gag. ALBUQUERQUE

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

Every once in awhile, I learn something new about myself. On Saturday, October 20, 1990, I was up at 8AM to go on a trek with Ashley and some other AETs (Assistant English Teachers) from around Tochigi-ken to climb Mt. Nasu.
Ashley has spent the night, and is all packed and ready for the mountain. We make some sandwiches, I grab a shirt, sweater, jeans, runners, gloves and my wind-breaker jacket—that’s it. Ashley decides to wear three or four layers of clothing and takes a towel. I don’t know why, the onsen (Japanese spa at the hotel we’ll be staying at on Mt. Nasu) will provide one.
We bicycle over to Nishinasuno station—which is a 10 minute ride from Ashley’s place, but a 30-minute ride from mine, so in hindsight, I have to give her props.  We take a local train up a stop to Kurosio eki (station) arriving at 11:45AM and along with the other AETs, we leave there at Noon. At 1PM at Mt. Nasu, we take a ropeway partially up before disembarking for a climb. Not sure why, but my right leg hurts—probably residual from the bicycle accidents—this is 1990, I’m not out of shape yet.
Half-way up chatting with my girl-crush Gasoline (Catherine Komlodi), I discover that the onsen doesn’t provide towels. Figures. The weather is cool but comfortable, with hardly any trace of a wind. The leaves along the trail are just beginning to turn red, orange and yellow—it looks beautiful. I wish I had my camera, but perhaps I can convince Ashley to make copies of the shots she’s taking (I did).
After a couple of hours, we arrive at the top of Mt. Nasu. Check out the photo above. It’s freezing cold with a wind wafting down at us at about a 1000-miles-per-hour. My legs (yes, both of them, as apparently I’m not in as good shape as I thought I was) hurt like heck. While we stop for a photo break, I wander off by myself to sit on a rock and glare out at the valley below. Around me, steam vents from the mountain at various spots---yes, Mt. Nasu is an active volcano. There’s a slight smell of sulphur in the air, but the terrific winds push it away quickly.
So. This is nature. Wow. I almost feel like I’m a part of it... but only for a few seconds as the voices of the other AETs slowly drown out that feeling of oneness. It was a good feeling. A sense of majesty and power. Top of the world, ma!
We all then hike down the other side of the mountain. The grade is somewhat flatter—like the Canadian woods. Or so I assume, if I had ever actually been in the woods back home. There are scores of birch and maple.
One of the folks traveling traveling alongside me is one Douglas Izzaks. He’s 4-years-old, and is the son of Marina, who has joined her husband and Robert the AET here in Japan. Very cool people, and I envy their happy little family.
Click HERE for pix of the climb.
We arrive at the onsen at around 5PM—18 of us will squeeze onto a room containing 12 tatami (grass mats), that are about 3-feet wide and 6-feet long. I already have a bad feeling about this.
We grab dinner – it sucks. The women finish up first and head over to the onsen. Us five guys—Peter, Robert, Gavin, Tim Mould and myself) sit around and suck on our beers.  Notice there’s no Matthew. I did. Best friend I have in Japan, and he couldn’t make the trip up a mountain that was essentially in our backyard. Probably out chasing women. In hindsight (again), it obviously worked out well for Matthew. After an hour, the guys head over to the onsen. Since I had to go to the washroom, I get ditched.
After the pee that wouldn’t end, I struggle through my shyness and bad Japanese to ask where the spa is. No one knows. Stumbling about for 15 minutes, and ready to go and find the bar, I accidentally stumble across it. Just the guys are there. No women. Great. Five naked gaijin in a hot water mini pool. After a half hour, two of the women bravely join us (Mary Ann Hironaka and Mary Mueller). It’s dark, and my night blindness renders the good stuff invisible. They leave after a couple of minutes and come back with six more female AETs. Hey! I’ve heard of this type of party. Unfortunately, it doesn’t become one. Gasoline is there, too. Damn! This! Night! Blindness! So is Ashley – and we all have a good time.
Let me just say that if you have never seen five naked guys in a hot tub doing synchronized swimming, you ain’t never been around me.
After two-and-a-half hours, the onsen turns the lights out on us in an attempt to stop our drunken revelry and various renditions of Christmas carols. After that length of time in the water, even my wrinkles were wrinkled.
We crawl back to our rooms – I’m last because I have to towel off with a shirt. Looking around for a space, I discover a solitary piece of tatami that is 5-feet long by 14-inches wide. I measured it.
Anyhow, I quickly fall asleep, and get hit in the ribs by Mary for snoring. I’d kill her if I could move my legs. In all, I get hit about 21 times. After that initial hit, I don’t fall asleep. I keep telling them I’m awake. I’m not snoring. I can hear Tim and Peter snoring, but no one is hitting them in their still tender from a pair of bicycle accident ribs.
At 5:30AM, Tim and I have a whisper argument about how neither of could sleep thanks to the his/mine snoring. That’s when we hear it. The gentle roar of a buzzsaw at a lumber mill. It’s Susan St. Cyr whom I then dubbed Susan St. Snore.
Of course, despite Tim (and Ashley) believing me, Mary doesn’t. I’m wide awake but very tired. Anyhow, here’s what I have learned about sleeping around a lot of people. I do snore. Like a jet plane with asthma. In later years, I developed horrible, horrible sleep apnea that made me stop breathing every 44 seconds before I’d breath/snore and catch my breath. I spent eight years only getting about 64% oxygen to my brain when I slept ensuring I was killing brain cells. This blog is a direct result of that.

Somewhere, 20 years later, I learned that Mary was right.
Andrew Zzzzz Joseph
Today's title was first sung by  Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell - and you can listen to it HERE.PS: Susan will remain Susan St. Snore, however.

PPS: Sleep apnea can kill you. If you snore, stop breathing or are always tired - even after just waking up, or wake up choking in the night, you may have sleep apnea. Get checked out at a sleep clinic. Get a C-PAP machine and get back to living a 'normal' life. Don't be like me and wuss out for 8 years before getting the machine! I finally relented and life is so much easier to live now.