Showing posts with label Bar Scene. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bar Scene. Show all posts

Rocket Man

Cripes. It's Sunday, September 1, 1991 - school starts tomorrow. I live in the small city of Ohtawara in Tochigi Prefecture in Japan. I've been here for 13 months, and I have greatly enjoyed my time here in this strange but wonderful country. The only thing that screws me up is the woman situation.

It's true that I came to this country nearly 26-years-old and still more virginal than a Catholic girl's school, but quickly got over that - though I wonder if I could become a born-again virgin, y'know, just for old time's sake. I've already hit double digits, despite having an unsteady relationship with Ashley for 10 months. Every time we were off again, I was on again with some woman who would literally throw herself at me. Crap like that never happened back in Canada. Never... I could have been on fire in my Toronto-area high school cafeteria or university or college, and not one single woman would have even noticed. Sometimes Canada is a really stupid country.

Even now in 2011, how come I never get hit on? Are women that lazy here - sit back and let the men come onto them, shoot them down and choose the one guy who looks super good but knows it? Welcome to Toronto's bar scene.

In Japan, it's a rare event when I don't have some woman try and talk to me at a bar. It's even rarer that I don't have a girlfriend or regular or even semi-regular sexual partner - but that's what is going on in my life here in Ohtawara. As such... I'm moody and agitated.

Up at 10:30AM, my friend Matthew who lives five minutes away comes over to my apartment. We then walk over to his place and get a ride from his girlfriend Takako to the Asian Rural Institute in the north end of town. They are hosting a picnic at Shinoyama Koen (Shinoyama Park). The Institute is a place for farmers from India, China, Pakistan, Indonesia - heck - Asia - to learn Japanese farming techniques so that they can go back home and apply it there.

Ohtawara, despite only having 50,000 people in it, seems to have a plethora of foreigners living in its boundaries. Along with the 12 people at the Institute (I've never seen so many brown people in one area before - I'm actually from white middle-class suburbia in Etobicoke - a city within Metropolitan Toronto and as of 2011 am still pretty much the only visible minority on the block... some 37 years after I first came to the area), there are also a lot of Japanese businesses (technical types) that have a few gaijin (foreigners) working at their plant for short contracts (from Canada and the US mainly). And there's Matthew & myself who live in Ohtawara, a few New Zealand bartenders, and others scattered around... it's no wonder this burg has an Ohtawara International Friendship Association!

And yet... despite the preponderance of foreigners, most of Ohtawara still seems stunned when they see me, as I am still often the first foreigner they have ever seen. I guess I get out a lot. (Matthew, too!).

At the picnic: It's hot out today. Bloody hot. India in August hot. Hovering at around 39 Celsius.As soon as I get there, I go for a beer and relax. It's a good thing I never (ever) get hang-overs, or I'd be a dead man every day in this country!

As I sit by myself, I overhear people from the Institute talking with Business foreigners with some Japanese locals (there are a few in Ohtawara) about me. They talk in Japanese and in English. I can't speak Japanese worth a damn, but it appears as though I understand a heck of a lot more than I should. When the heck did that happen?

These people are gossiping about me with me sitting maybe 15 feet (4.6 meters) away! They are talking about the number of girlfriends I seem to have.

I don't correct them on that, but do state that I currently have no girlfriends, and don't want one.

My friend Naoko.
Naoko, a Japanese lady friend with the Friendship Association, is ever nearby and asks me 'Why?" I tell her it's because people are always spying on me or gossiping about me, and how could I do that to another woman. Naoko quickly runs off and disappears in the crowd. And it seems like there is a crowd of maybe 100 people.

Suddenly the party-goers at the park, part like the Red Sea for Moses, and I see Naoko talking with Shoko, the very pretty, shy and quiet Japanese local who likes me and me her. Shoko is one of the students in my extra-curricular night time English conversation class I teach (and get paid handsomely) for the Friendship Association.

Feeling stupid from the alcohol and the heat, I want to get away from the gossipy gossipers, so I move off and try and hide. But, Matthew, ever-concerned for my mental health, follows me to ensure I am not by myself. Apparently I yelled my responses back to the gossipers.

Then Shoko comes over and quickly asks me out on a date!? God I love this country. I had always been reluctant to go out with her because I was afraif of the language barrier. Shoko was too, or maybe she just always figured I had a girlfriend and didn't want to be part of the revolving sextrade I had going for me in my apartment building.

Cool. Next Friday she and I will go out for drinks over at the 4C, if I am not too tired from my daily routine of working three hours a day team-teaching (with a Japanese teacher of English) at one of my seven junior high schools (chu gakko).

Despite this bit of happiness injected into my bloodstream, I still act and perhaps feel quiet, shy or aloof. I don't mingle much. I guess I'm still upset about people talking about me within earshot expecting that I wouldn't hear or understand them.

Even back in 1990 and 1991, I had always threatened Ashley (and others) by stating: "Never, ever piss off a writer." Twenty years later, I guess I'm proving my point.

After the picnic, Matthew and I head back to my place and watch some Sherlock Holmes episodes I had taped on my bilingual television and VCR (video tape recorder). We then go to some place called the Orient Club to exercise for three hours. I have no idea why Matthew even knows of this place, but he knows a way more about Ohtawara than I do, as he seems to have more of an explorers spirit, and a greater Japanese language ability than I will ever have. I guess that's why he has a Japanese girlfriend, and I only have a first date with a quiet, shy and reserved cutie pie.

The Orient Club has light cycles, treadmills, stair masters and some other stuff. It's a smallish place, but very clean and well run. We go for a swim, a sauna and then an onsen (it's like a hot tub but a bit bigger). I weigh myself when w start. It's 76.45 kilograms (168.45 pounds), and when we are done, I'm down to 75.85 kilograms (167.22 pounds)! My blood pressure seems a little high at 143/80. My body is hurting, but with the weight loss (I'm not fat! Yay!) I feel good.

Matthew and when finished, go over to the fastfood restaurant Mosburger. It's my favourite comfort food, and Matthew seems to know that. Give me convenience or give me death! Of course our supper blows all of our training, but who cares?!

My mom and dad call me at 12:30AM to let me know she arrived home safely in Toronto after mom came out to visit me here in Japan. Despite the lateness of the hours, I don't care - I couldn't sleep anyway... thinking about Karen, Kristine, Ashley, Shoko and my threesome with two hot Thai women a couple of weeks ago. That's why I'm so moody!

For five days in Thailand, I was getting sex four plus times a day for five days. Now I am not. Karen wants to be boyfriend girlfriend (and I just want sex); Ashley offers sex when she wants to as a friend-with-benefits (I also want a relationship); Kristine - I want a relationship, but she lives 500 kilometres away, and I think she's probably too good for me; and Shoko who I assume wants a relationship with me (but I'm unsure what I want with her - sex, yes, but a relationship with a nice Japanese girl would be a step up for me here in Japan - I am concerned about how we are going to communicate with each other when we have a language barrier. A physical relationship is fine, but I do want more.

Hmmm. Karen is offering me that (and my mom likes her; didn't like Ashley; probably would have loved Kristine; and been luke-warm with Shoko due to communication difficulties) but something about Karen is off-putting. Probably my need to have Ashley back as a girlfriend. I am so screwed up in the head still.

Hey Matthew - I don't think there is enough Mosburger in the world to make me feel better.

Somewhere restless,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Elton John: BLAST-OFF!
PS: I don't sleep well again - a recurring event here in Japan... either due to me thinking too much or not enough.

Message In A Bottle

My buddy Mike in Tokyo may like this: I have had a few too many this evening. My family is away - and I don't really have a care in the world.

So... what date is dear old Andrew talking about: is it today, July 8, 2011 (when I am typing this up in Toronto) or twenty years ago August 31, 1991 when I was living in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan?

Both actually.

As a result, I'm going to just phone this one in - at least I'm being honest about it.

I'm up at noon - having slept for 13 hours straight. They say you can't really catch up on sleep, but when you do actually get enough sleep (and then some), it feels like the weight of the world is lifted off your shoulders.

Mathew - my buddy from the State of New York (I'm currently in the State of Intoxication or something) - he calls me at 3PM to see if I want to go out tonight. Hell yeah!

To prepare, I go shopping for food and then go and rent some videos. I have to tell you: Matthew and ex-girlfriend Ashley and both rented videos and those sent from home helped me stay reasonably sane here in Japan, as it can be a rather difficult experience to not understand 90 per cent of what is said to you and around you. That's not Japan's fault - I should be trying harder to learn the language, but women, and time spent wondering about women, and time spent wondering what the hell some women are thinking has caused me to derail in my Japanese language studies.

As such, I'm looking to let off a little steam and get toasted tonight (right now).

Matthew comes over at 9PM and we go out to our favourite local Ohtawara hang-out, the 4C, a small little bar that can hold 20 people if they are Japanese, fewer people if there are gaijin (foreigners) involved - which there usually was).

Sitting there drinking, I don't let off steam the way normal people do. Nope. I want to be a writer when I grow-up, so I need to create! Currently (take your pick on the year) I feel down and depressed a bit - probably the melancholy created by the booze. Thinking about women again - but now I'm also missing my mom who flew back to Toronto yesterday.

As such, I come up with an idea for a series for the Tatami Times newsletter I put together for the Tochigi-ken assistant English teachers on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. I call it: The Beer Bottle Blues.

It will be semi-autobiographical. It boggles my mind... am I really sitting here carrying on conversations with Matthew while I am writing in my head? I do this all the time. I wonder if I seem like I'm not there all the time to people?

At home after 2PM when the 4C closes, I lurch around the apartment  looking for a pen, and write four short chapters of it until 3:30AM. Chapter five I write in the morning while I'm on the toilet. Perhaps one day they will invent a portable writing implement - oh yeah, they did - a pen, pencil and paper! 

Those five short stories were previously published in this blog. But have a read and tell me if people should or shouldn't write when they are inebriated and sad:
Part 1: Beer Drinkers & Hell Raisers
Part 2: One For The Road
Part 3: I Can See For Miles
Part 4: Strange Brew
Part 5: Joy To The World
And, that's all I ever wrote of it. I guess I am still working on it via Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife.
Somewhere with a Flaming Blue Lamborghini,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by The Police: DRUNK&DISORDERLY
PS: A Flaming Blue Lamborghini was the drink of choice whenever I wanted to get blitzed. One would get you drunk. Two will be get really hammered. And three - well, according to New Zealander Mark the bartender - no one has ever had three. I make a mental note of the fact, and when I'm feeling stronger, I'll take that challenge just to see what will happen and what will happen to those around me.
PPS: Here's a recipe for the drink: Flaming Blue Lamborghini
1/2 ounce of Kahlua;1/2 ounce of Blue Caracao;1/2 ounce of Galliano;1/2 ounce of white Sambuca;CinnamonCreamLayer Kahlua and Galliano in a martini glass. Pour the Sambucainto a shot glass and light it on fire. Pour it flaming into the drink(ooooohhh ahhhhh pretty blue fire yay!) and throw a pinch of cinnamonover it for the crackling fireball effect. Douse the flames with creamand drink. Now... this is just one of several recipes on the Internet. I believe that Mark would use ice and Cream, puree it with the Kaluha and Galliano and then pour it with the Sambuca into a martini glass. Instead of setting the Sambuca on fire, Mark used Spiritus vodka - a Polish vodka that is 95% proof - this was atop the other alcohol in the drink and it was all set on fire. While Mark them poured in the Blue Caracao, I would would be sucking the drink back with a straw - while the drink was still on fire. Many a time I recall searing my throat, but being drunk way to quickly to really give a damn. And no cinnamon was harmed in the making of my drink.
PPS: Tomorrow I go on a picnic hosted by the Ohtawara Asian Rural Institute and don't talk to anyone from there.
PPPS: Hmm... I don't think I actually mailed this blog in today. Two years ago, Matthew e-mailed me with e recipe for the drink... I no longer have that e-mail after my computer crashed. Isn't modern convenience wonderful? Instead, I actually had to plumb the depths of what's left of my alcohol-abused memory and get the ingredients out. I actually can hear Mark telling me how he makes the drink in my head some 20 years later. Good on ya, mate!

This Beat Goes On/ Switching To Glide

When I decided to do this blog about my life in Japan, I knew I was going to lay out the good as well as the bad about myself. I was going to show myself as an adventurous young man learning about love, life, Japan and himself. That part about learning about myself, is also the bad.

It's Friday, August 23, 1991. I'm living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan - having moved here to teach English on the JET (Japan Exchange &Teaching) Programme nearly 13 months ago. I'm nearly 27 years old (in a few months). I love Japan. It's also my first time away from home. I lost my virginity here. I'm slept with a lot of women here... and I aim to place a few more notches in the bedpost before I'm done. I've slept with a few Japanese women, but also women from Canada, the U.S., England, Australia, Thailand... and more that I'm too lazy to think about at the moment of this writing, suffice to say that I loved everyone of them at the time I was with them.

Ashley has arrived back in Japan a couple of days ago after going home to the U.S. for a vacation. Ashley is currently my friend-with-benefits, though we were boyfriend/girlfriend for much of our first year in Japan. We lived near each other (so does my friend Matthew, but I never slept with him), had way different personalities... I had one, she did not, but she did like me when no woman back in Canada seemed to like me in that way. It's too bad that familiarity breeds contempt.

While I saw her when she arrived back in her nearby town of Nishinasuno-machi (Nishinasuno Town), I haven't seen or heard from her since. I knew she would be jet-lagged, and the day before she arrived (I think), I stocked her fridge for her with with some of her favourite foodstuffs and drinks. I am nothing if not polite.. okay, maybe I'm not polite, but I am considerate... or maybe I'm somewhere in-between. Maybe. I don't know. Have you ever really psycho-analyzes yourself and then tried to justify your good points even though you know that your bad points contradict them? Welcome to this blog. Welcome to my mind - ignore the echo.

I go to Ashleys at 10AM (she called and invited me bright and early at 9AM), and stay until 1PM. We watch her favourite movie The Princess Bride. I had never seen it before, but I havce to admit I really, really liked it.

She watches as she does her laundry, but seems even more distant towards me. More so confusing considering how passionate we were just before she left here a few weeks back... I was just getting into this friends-with-benefits thing, too!

Sure she's heavier since returning, but she's still cute - and my was the sex good. At least it was for me. I only have her eyes rolling back into her head to make me think she enjoyed herself too. 

She gives me a couple of presents... a My Little Pony doll because I once mentioned that I wanted: "... a
car, a house, a pony..." and she gives me a can of Southern Dirt.

I'm still pissed off that when my mom and my friend John came, that no one gave me anything neat... like comic books. It's my friggin' major hobby, and I haven't seen a new comic book in 13 months... except for the 10 or so that Kristine sent me. She knew! She cared!

From Ashley I got a toy pony and some dirt? What sort of crap is that?!

I don't even want to talk to her now. I fall asleep listening to a tape of her favourite comic - Steven Wright. He's dull, but morosely funny. But my mood won't let me enjoy it or anything right now.

She wakes me up at 1PM so that she can go get her haircut. Who leaves America to come to Japan to get their haircut by people for whom English is a completely foreign tongue! Especially in a small town like Nishinasuno-machi?! Whatever.

On purpose, I leave her gifts at her place. It's crap. I ride part-way to her hair salon before parting towards Ohtawara-shi. We didn't talk much on the bicycle ride, and we didn't talk much at her place. I was excited to see her, and she was obviously not excited to see me.

I spend the rest of the afternoon perched atop my western balcony reading reading Sherlock Holmes - I guess he's not the only one looking for a clue.

Matthew calls later at night and we go out to the 4C for a beer... but sorry, buddy! I'm in a crappy mood. I still have dysentery, but I can't blame that for how I feel. Crappy. And she never thanked me for the food and drinks I left for her!

Somewhere never starting a land war in Asia,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Kings - I love this SONG! An excellent Canadian band!
PS: "Never start a land war in Asia" is my favourite line from The Princess Bride. Peter Falk, who is in that movie, died this past week. R.I.P Columbo!
PPS: So... 20 years later... I re-read this blog entry for the first time since I originally wrote it ... and man, I was such a suck. The crappy presents? They weren't crappy... at least not to the eyes of a now 46-year-old man. Ashley tried to make me happy by giving me at least one of the things I always wanted. It was a joke, sure, but it shows that she was listening. And the can of Southern Dirt. Stupid present sure, but at least I would always have a little bit of Ashley's hometown with me. No wonder she was done... I showed zero enthusiasm or respect for her and her gifts! It's a wonder I ever got laid! Days later, Ashley dropped my presents off. I, the ignorant prick, threw them out a few days later. While I still would have preferred someone bring me some comic books in English - like Kristine, who mailed to me some on a couple of occasions - Ashley at least listened to my dreams (joke though it was - as I was parroting what a spoiled rich teenaged girl might say), and tried to provide me with something that was uniquely Ashley. And this is me 20 years later... having gone through many a female relationship with people who don't seem to listen to me, who don't seem to know what I'm about, who I am... after re-reading this blog, it was obvious that who I was back in 1991 was a greedy, whiny bastard.  And I blew it.
PPPS: So... having read that... are you still with me? It gets better. Life/Rife, I mean. At least my mom will be back from her trip out West in Japan tomorrow. I should probably be nicer and start showing her a good time... that I have grown up... even if it's just a little bit. Ahhhh crap. I guess pride goeth before the fall. That's from The Bible: Proverbs 16... and I'm no longer a religious person, but it's worth remembering. 

Joy To The World

This is the fifth and last installment of The Beer Bottle Blues. It's my view of Japan from inside a beer. Now please don't think I actually gave up drinking... no... I just gave up this concept.

While writing one's views can be enlightening, I have often found that it's better to write when I'm straight... afterall, my reality is way more screwed than your (or most people's) fantasy.

Enjoy the drink:

BEERBOTTLE BLUES - 5
Hi. How's it going,eh? Molson, please... huh?... oh yeah. I forgot. Kirin, onegaishimasu (please). 

It'sgetting easier to forget I'm in a foreign country. Of course, continuing tobelieve that I am back in Toronto will eventually get me killed here when Ilook left and then right at the intersections. Why do they drive on thewrong side of the road? 

Ionce made the comment that the Japanese all seem to speak better English afterswimming in a few glasses of sake. I wonder if we have anything like it in theWest?

AsahiSuper Dry, please... and no, I do not consider this mixing drinks!

WhatI don't know in Japanese, they seem to know in English. We're both learning.It's good to know my time here hasn't been a complete waste. Now, if I can onlydo something about my students.

KirinBlack, please.

I'mstill having problems with those damn dogs around my apartment. My place is onone corner of an intersection and dogs live on the other three corners. I thinkthey live by themselves because if there really was an owner, I would hope theywould have some concerns for their neighbours when their dogs start barking at5:30 AM. they always seem to stop at 8:00 when I leave for work. I'm going tokill those S.O.B.'s one day. I need a plan first...

Guinness,and can you put some beer in it with the foam... thanks.

Iasked my buddy what problems he has with the neighbours: babies crying. Spoiledbrats screaming for their mother at the top of their lungs. Newlyweds?... Oh.Besides the dogs, I don't know who my neighbours are. I guess that's not aproblem, though. There is a guy in the house across the street from me whoalways seems to be burning garbage when I hang my laundry out to dry. Hey, doyou think I want to smell "woody"? That's why I drink... toforget... that I smell "woody". Hey,I'm kidding. Stop sniffing me. I don't really smell "woody". 

Geez.Corona, with the lime. If it didn't have the lime, the stupid thing wouldn'thave any taste. Y'know what I mean?

Somewhere looking for taste,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title was inspired by Three Dog Night, for obvious reasons if you actually read that paragraph above. WOOF

Strange Brew

Here is the fourth installment of five of my view from inside a beer bottle - a bar... the 4C in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. I wrote this back in March of 1992. In February my grandfather died. My cat died, And a friend of mine died in a car crash back in Toronto. Of course, no one in Japan knew what I was going through, though some people did realize I was a little out of sorts - sad, that is.

While I was pretty much depressed and drunk for that month (since I never get hangovers from drinking (still don't), I was a fully functional alcoholic for a month), the month of March was pretty damn prolific for me writing-wise as I would write three or four short stories a day - even while working as an Assistant English Teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching Programme) for an eight-hour day.

You can do what you want, as long as you make time for yourself to do it. You don't even need to be drunk or stoned to do it. And, while I am having a Rum & Coke as I write this, I'm sober. It was just a bad month in my life, and we all have those every once in a while. (Oh, don't even get me started about 2010 or 2011!!) What you need to remember is that it doesn't need to remain a bad time in your life if you don't let it.And I'm positive about that!

Hey barkeep... a round of drinks for all my friends! Let's speak English and have a good time!



BEERBOTTLE BLUES - 4 

Beer, please. 

Yeah, today I went to a coffee shop with some Japanese friends. 

Why is it that when I order in Japanese, the waitress always turns to my friend and says "Eh,nani?" (Huh, what?). My friend says it the exact same way I do and it'sunderstood. Eh, nani??!! 

Biryu, onegaishimasu (Beer, please) - and I don't want a building! What? Geez. A beer please. Isn'tthat what I said?! 

Don't get me wrong... there are a ton of great people out there. Too many of themwant to do things that renders menial labour obsolete for me. They'd doanything for me if I asked them. Of course, I'm not stupid to assume itshouldn't be reciprocated. One lady even made me a housecoat. Maybe I'll buyher a beer. 

Cheers to all my friends here. 

Why do some farmers speak better English than some English teachers? 

Still thinking about women. But, another piece of ass won't change my mind set. 

I'vegrown old here in Japan. Optimists say I've matured. Pessimists say I've becomeboring. Oh well, I've gotta be me. 

Hey, why won't the labels peel off? What do ya mean they're painted on? 

I'll have another beer and call it a night. I'm not looking forward to tomorrowmorning. Starting at 8 AM, trucks promoting yet another political racewill commence.That's election. Not erection! 

God, I need a beer.


Somewhere finding women appealing,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is smooth and done by The Cream: ONTAP.

I Can See For Miles

Here's the third installment of my view of Japan from inside a beer bottle.
For news on Japan, please take a look at the one I put up about 12 hours ago. I spent about four freaking hours trying to find maps showing off the damaged locales. You don't have to open any of the maps - unless you really wan to... I just wanted to show you a little something about how far and wide the damage was from the earthquake and tsunami.
There are two locales from my hometown of Ohtawara-shi in Tochigi-ken. I could be mistaken... but I believe the 'honcho' is the city hall.
Regardless... barkeep gimme a drink!:      

BEERBOTTLE BLUES - 3
Hi. I need to getdrunk tonight. Why? Because. I don't know... just because. 

Thisafternoon, I had my stereo cranked - blaring out Boston. I was bouncing allover my apartment playing air guitar. While doing Pete Townsend-like jumps onmy futon (??!!) it hit me again... I'm in Japan. I hate it when realityintrudes upon my life.

Another,please.

Boy,she's cute. Gawd, I wish I could speak this language - but who the hell wantsto bother learning how.

Still,there is a girl I like. Japanese. The problem is that half of thepopulation of the city knows it and is watching me. Damn. I really am shy. I'mjust an introvert pretending to be an extrovert. I wish the pressure didn'tbother me. I wish I could speak better Japanese. I wish I had a beer.

Mygoal(?) here is to learn the culture. Boy, does she have nice culture. I'velearned Kyu-do (Japanese archery), kendo (Japanese fencing), bonsai (treebondage), coins, stamps, religion, history, women, beer, etc. The hero of mycity was/is a master archer.

YoichiNasu. Archery. Tried it. Liked it. Still, the elbow injury that killed anychance of me playing professional baseball isn't too much of a problem.(Actually, the lack of talent probably killed my pro baseball career.)Stigmatism? Aren't there supposed to be two targets?

Beer!

Isthere a washroom in this place or should I go outside and piss on the side ofthe building like all the Japanese men do?




Believe it or not folks... Along with drinking, staring at pretty women and perhaps carrying on a conversation with Matthew, I'd be thinking stuff like the above story. Despite the cynicism... it reveals a lot about Japan. Or myself.


Somewhere multi-tasking,
Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is by The Who and references eyesight - which despite the song, I really couldn't. SEEYA 
PS: Would you believe me if I told you I didn't really re-read this one from when I first wrote it back in 1992 or March, that after coming up with the blog title I only just noticed the Pete Townsend reference. Pete is the flamboyant guitarist for The Who. I love it when things just come together! Yeah, baby!

One For The Road

Here's the second part of five of my views of Japan while sitting in a bar. I call it:

BEER BOTTLE BLUES - 2

Excitement. I'm a foreigner in Japan. That makes me a minority in Japan. Big deal. I was a minority when I wasn't in Japan. I wonder how all the other people handle being a minority now? Probably don't like it. Go figure. Welcome to the real world.

I like dancing but there's no place to go dancing in my city. Hell, even if therewas, it'd be scandalous for any Japanese girl to be seen dancing with a foreigner.Small town mentality. "They're nice people to know, but I wouldn't want mydaughter to marry one."

Let me have a Kirin Premium. I can use the extra half percent alcohol.

SometimesI think this place is killing me... I never used to drink much before.

Damn kids came knocking on my door again. Leave me alone, I'm not thatspecial.

I really hate it when they gawk and point. I've been here for 15 months. I've been in the newspapers. I've been on the radio, I really do likeNatto (rotting fermented soy beans).

Another one, please.

Even here... in my sanctuary, I feel like I'm being ogled sometimes. "Hey-beeDu-ring-ka." Uh... that means 'heavy drinker', in case you aren't inebriated or Japanese.

On the way home last night, my buddy Matthew and I passed an apartment complex. A couple of tricycles proved too irresistible a temptation for a pair of bored drunks.We rode out to the main intersection of the city. One car passed us by andstared wondrously. One car. The sidewalks are rolled up at nine.

Ah, hell... one for the road, okay?

Somewhere with wanderlust,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by House Of Pain (lyric warning): BURP

Beer Drinkers & Hell Raisers

Your author having a cold one. Shibata-sensei looks on with evil glee.
Hello all!
Today, let's look away from all of the bad stuff going on in Japan. I may still post the odd post throughout the day should I find something interesting that I just can't wait to share - but, for now... here's a part one of five of something I called: Beer Bottle Blues - my view of Japan while I sit in a bar. 
The bar is the 4C located in Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. While these musings take part in and around the 13th month of my sojourn, I did end up staying 3+ years - and enjoying the crap out of my time - which is why I keep writing about the place. Trust me... my wife has zero understanding why I continue to do this. Personally, along with confusing her, I just like to write. And writers should write what they know - and if not, fake the whole thing. Guess which one I'm doing.
Wrong. 
 
BEERBOTTLE BLUES - 1
Draft please.

Yeah,I still can't believe I'm still in Japan. I came here with the high hopes ofhaving an international experience and being paid for it. Of course, it's$9,000 a year less than what I made as a reporter for the top newspaper in mycountry - but sometimes it just isn't enough. Uh, that's called sarcasm.

Thankgoodness this city (ie: village with a glandular problem) has one good barwhere a foreigner need not feel like he's from Mars.

Iusually go there after 11 PM with a buddy of mine. It's amazing, really. Wetalk to each other virtually every single day and we aren't bored. At least I'mnot.

Romances.Lusts. Things we've done. People we've done. Things to do. People to do. All infront of a bottle of beer.

TonightI make the idle promise of swearing off women for the month. Won't even thinkabout'em. Yeah, right. Still, it's the thought that counts. Guess I've beenstung once too many times. This country certainly gets to you after awhile.

I remember when Ifirst got here. It was hot and so were the women. This place does wonders forthe ego. Back home, I couldn't even get a woman to look at me without thembeing drunk first. Now it's MY choice.

Gods, but it'sdepressing. The worst part is: I don't know why. Still, it's my home now.

Hey, can you get meanother beer, please?

End of the short (really short) story.
Somewhere discovering where my mind was at,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by ZZ Top: TWISTTOP 
 PS: I actually make about $7,000 a year more as an Assistant English Teacher than I did working for The Toronto Star as a reporter. I think I wrote what I wrote so that the joke would work. The rest of the story is factually correct. 
PPS: Drinking is a national past time in Japan - and when in Rome (or Japan)... do what the Romans (or Japanese) do. It helps you fit in.

I Drink Alone

The month of February 1991 was an especially cruel one for me in Ohtawara-shi, Toichigi-ken, Japan.
Not for anything that happened in Japan, mind you, but because of events going on in Toronto, I helped support the local distilleries and those across the globe.

While I was of course having relationship problems with my on-again/off-again girlfriend Ashley--which depressed me to no end, back in Toronto, I received news that a friend of mine had died in a car accident, my cat died and my grandfather had passed away.

Combine with the fact that it was bitterly cold and February, I was homesick. Toronto is downright nasty in February.

I wasn't already feeling homesick because I'd been in Japan for over six months without family or old friends, I also missed hockey and my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs, and baseball for my Toronto Blue Jays (though I also have a fondness for the now perennial sad sack Pittsburgh Pirates).

With naught else to do, I did what any fine and upstanding young man away from the home for the first time would do - I got stinking drunk. For about one month straight.

Every night I'd head over to the 4C or pick up some booze at a nearby liquor shop (never the one downstairs - you don't want the neighbours to think you have a problem), and I would get so drunk I couldn't even think straight.

I never got sick and I never got a hang-over. This meant I was able to more or less function coherently at work the next day - being happy and peppy and bursting with love in front of my students. If the they only knew the pain I felt - obviously not while I was drinking, because I felt no pain then.

It's true - Matthew has seen me as a crying wailing drunk, but in all honesty, I've never had a hangover. Not once.

At the 4C, in order to honour my grandfather, I wanted to have a whiskey and soda - but sorry folks, I don't care for whiskey. Instead, I tried some bourbon. Bourbon and soda was my drink of choice when at the 4C for that month. I recall sitting at the bar, staring at the tall glass, picking it up and lifting it high while looking skyward and toasting my grandfather with a very loud 'cheers' that had the other patrons turn to stare at the gaijin (foreigner). No biggie. If you are a foreigner in Japan, you better get used to some people staring at you or you'll drive yourself to drink. Okay, poor example.

I'm not sure what caused me to stop drinking when I did, except maybe a MASH episode I saw that was sent over by my mother in a weird happen-stance.

In it, a somewhat alcoholic Hawkeye Pearce is about to drink an alcoholic beverage, and he says (paraphrasing here): "I really need a drink" He then pushes it away and say: "But I'll have it when I really want one."

Somewhere thanking a television show,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is sung by George Thorogood & the Delaware Destroyers. BUUDY WEISER

Closing Time

Sorry people... my photos from yesterday did not load... I've inserted them INTO the story, so please feel free to take a look at yesterdays blog for some nice pics of my sake bottle and cup collection. CHEERS.

Now on with today's blog entry... 

One of the cool things about living in a relatively small city like Ohtawara-shi, in Tochigi-ken Japan is that it's small enough to be cozy while still being large enough to offer all of the amenities.

Near my apartment complex - Zuiko Haitsu, a seven-story building that, back in 1990, was the tallest building in the city - I was within a five minute bicycle ride of a couple of grocery stores, a video shop, umpteen restaurants (one was located on the main floor of my apartment), and bars... which were conveniently located maybe a good four minute stagger from my apartment.

Unlike here in Canada, if you are four minutes away from a bar, you're going to hear a lot of raucous music and drunken behaviour. In Japan, that sort of behaviour is done relatively quietly, and probably only gets out of hand when the gaijin (foreigners) are involved. I'm looking at you, Matthew. Just kidding of course. Both Matthew, myself (and Ashley), we may have had one too many often enough, but we tended to keep our vocal adrenalin out of the limelight - afterall, being on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme, we weren't just visitors to Japan, we were representatives of our respective countries.

Still... that didn't stop us from going out and tying one or four on while off duty.

Y'see... we were just doing what the Japanese do.

As mentioned ad nauseum in these blogs - and you've probably already heard of it before visiting here, the Japanese tend to work long hours. It is disrespectful to the company you work for to finish work and leave before the boss does. If the boss can stay and work late, so too can you. 

I know, I know... it makes me want to vomit up my beer just thinking about that. And I'm not even drinking a beer.

Of course... there's always the possibility of the boss catching a nap in his or her (sorry, that's funny... a female boss in Japan!) office... and the employees waiting  patiently outside for their hard-working boss to leave so they can leave too.

Tricky bosses aside, there's also karoshi - which means, death from overwork - and as bizarre as it sounds to most of us, this is a a concern in Japan. But that's not what we're here to talk about.

After work, let's go have a drink.

This is not just a once in a blue-moon thing, or even once a week-thing... it's something workers do everyday after work. Of course, at the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education), if they did, I wasn't invited, probably because I didn't stick around long enough to go drinking... working my standard 9-5 routine because that's what gaijin are used to - and we are.
Going to a nomiya (an old-style Japanese tavern - as opposed to a western-style meat market or pub) is something Japanese workers (and gaijin) look forward to - as kind of a reward for their days efforts (okay, maybe not the gaijin).

I asked Kanemaru-san (one of my OBOE bosses who was responsible for my overall well-being while in Japan) what's up with that.

Apparently, forget about going home to the wife and kids, having a drink or two helps the Japanese relax, get some co-worker bonding in and really, not have to go home to the wife and kids.

If you are in Japan and looking for a nomiya... look for the red lantern (aka chochin) hanging out front in the doorway. Now, I always though the red light was used to show that there was a prostitute available (see the POLICE) but I see that in Japan it means you can come in and have an inexpensive drink. 

Somewhere looking for the red light special,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is song by Semisonic: CLOSING TIME 
PS - that's two blogs in a row about drinking. I don't really drink anymore, but thanks for asking.

Heartbreak Hotel

Well, since my baby left me, I've found a new place to dwell. It's down the on the edge of some unknown street, called, some unknown street hotel - didn't you see that phrase just before that one?
Okay... after Ashley and I broke up, and whatever physical relationship we had decided to maintain - it all went out the door when she went back home to Augusta, Georgia - or wherever the heck she went. I was single, and being alone in Japan was definitely no fun. Matthew was well into a serious relationship with Takako Kurita - and for the first time since arriving in Japan - I felt completely alone.
I wanted to call up my friend Kristine and spend a week over at her place - but to be honest... despite whatever it is that I feel for her - love, lust, severe like - I actually like her too much to burden her... to make her a rebound. I didn't want her to be my reserve girl... It's true... I'd rather let that dubious standard fall to someone else - and then I can call Kristine!
So... to avoid further blindness through onani (see WOT), I decided to take a shot at the single's bar scene here in Ohtawara.
Now back in Toronto, I absolutely loathed the meat-markets, and never actually made eye contact with a woman - but after being in Japan for about 25 months, I have developed some self-confidence. I decided on the 4-Carat as my base of operations. It was my choice, not because it was the first place I was ever slapped by my sometimes-but-not-today-I'm-not-current-ex-girlfriend - nope, I'm not into nostalgia that much. Rather it's because it's a mere three-minute walk (seven-minute drunken stagger) from my apartment - plus, it's located on the restaurant/sleaze street of Ohtawara - whatever that street is called. Already, my prospects looked good.
Walking into the 4C, I said hello to me mate and bartender, Mark - a cool 20-year-old from New Zealand.
Now... the 4C was a veritable hotbed for beautiful, sexy Japanese women - partly because of Mark, but also because the place had a certain cache.
That evening at the 4C - not one of the 10 women at this cozy little place was paying me even the slightest regard. And then I remembered... sure I was well-dressed, had a modern hairstyle, good manners et al... but I also had a reputation.
Every single one of these women knew who I was, and knew that I had a girlfriend... and that no matter how many times I had broken up with Ashley, we always seemed to get back together.
Dammit! This time it was different, but no one wanted to take a chance. And what the heck happened to the Ohtawara grapevine - where everybody knows everything about me? Cripes! A guy goes back to Canada for a one-month vacation, and it's like I'm taken out of the loop!
Mark, listening to me rationalize out loud, told me that the women were afraid to talk to me because I was talking to myself. Oh.
Throwing caution to the wind, I turned to the woman beside me at the bar and attempted to start a conversation. She nodded her head a lot and said 'Hai (yes)' many times. But, when I asked her what her name was, she repeated the last few words I said, smiled and said "Eigo-ga, wakirimasen" (I don't understand English). In a wonderful twist... this woman had pulled the exact same non-understanding language trick I thought I had created... say yes a lot and repeat the last word hoping others will understand you are trying, and then the apology for not speaking the language! Turnabout is fair play.
To avoid that problem, I began to chat her up using the Japanese I had picked up - but, after 30 seconds, it was quite apparent I had not picked up that much of the Japanese language during these past 25 months... I swear, I'll start studying tomorrow!
I shook my head in defeat and muttered something about the impossibility of finding a female who wasn't in junior or senior high school who could speak English. That was when I was tapped on the shoulder by a pretty young woman who asked me in English if I would like to join her for a drink at her table.
We were just starting to get cozy when she happened to glance at her watch. She excitedly yelled something about having to get home before midnight because of her curfew.
All of the other women quickly looked at their watches, downed their drinks and ran for the exit, leaving many lonely men wondering who was going to win the next Sumo basho (tournament).

Somewhere looking for a tomato in a sausage factory,
Andrew Joseph
PS: A true story - single women, at least those living in Ohtawara, tend to live at home with their parents... and seem to have a curfew placed upon themselves by their controlling parents. Obviously with all of us single guys still stuck at the bar discussing sumo, there was no curfew for us. A sexist dichotomy.
PPS: And no... I never did spend any time with Kristine - probably a good thing - for her.    
PPPS: Today's title is by Elvis Presley - who despite singing about this Heartbreak hotel or being Lonely tonight... I'm betting  he could have slept with all of the women at the 4C by the time I got my first drink. Sometimes the service was slow because Mark was busy chatting up a local. ORDERUP.
PPPPS: In the photo up above... that's me with my friend Naoko on the right, and her friend, whose name I no longer recall on the left. It just looks like they are eating sausages...