Can't Explain

Today is Wednesday, September 25, 1991.
I'm living in Ohtawara City, Tochigi-ken, Japan working (sometimes) as an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.
My dad calls at exactly 7:10AM just as I asked him to yesterday. Because I have a female student who speaks Spanish, I thought I could get a few lines from my dad to help me look smart and charming.
However, my dad says that rather than just tell me a few phrases, he'll send me a book.
I'd have preferred the quick fix because I'm only at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) until the end of this week and won't be back for a month or more, but still... it's better than nothing.
I have three classes today. As usual, they all involve me reading from the English text book and having the class and then individual students repeat it.
I'm really tired today, but I survive because really, what other option do I have?
At lunch, I play with the mentally challenged kids (I always eat lunch with them when I visit this school... I have to admit, despite their learning disabilities, these kids are so much fun and lively, and are always playing practical jokes on myself and the other kids and teachers... it warms my heart!).
Because they have to do some chore or something, I find some first-year students to play with. It's raining, so all of our activities are indoors.
I then look out for and find the Peruvian girl. She nearly dies laughing after I say that one of the boys is "loco de la cabeza" (in Japanese it's 'Atama no kurutta')", which if I recall my Speedy Gonzales cartoons, it means 'crazy in the head'.
Ahh... it's good to be the king!
After school, I ride over to my back doctor for an adjustment, though I still feel tense when he's finished. Oh well, at least I no longer ned to wear the back brace I had brought with me 14 months ago.
Next, it's over to my kyudo (Japanese archery) club with my ex-girlfriend Ashley (who now better serves me or us as a friend-with-benefits), and one of my Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) supervisors, Kanemaru-san, who is teaching both of us archery. We both suck... or rather I do. Ashley's not so bad at it. She's a lot better than I am and it pisses the hell out of me considering I bragged to the Japanese about my sports dominance back in Canada.
Oh well... if the Japanese are smart (and they are), they simply have to look at the sports dominance of the USA versus Canada and know that the Yankees are a whole lot better than us Canuckleheads. Of course, Ashley isn't a damn Yankee... she's a southerner from Augusta, Georgia.
Having said all that, I hit a bullseye on my first shot.
Then, because form and technique are everything in Japanese society, Kanemaru-san begins to teach me the proper way to hold an arrow in my bow. Damn, but that feels a lot better! My finger no longer hurts!
Of course, I don't hit the target again for the next hour, but at least my form is good.
That's kind of what gets me about Japan. I finally succeed in shooting an arrow and hitting the target dead-on, but because it doesn't conform to the Japanese way, I am deconstructed.
Fortunately, my other supervisor Hanazaki-san, did not attempt to change the way I hold my chopsticks. Round about my first week in Japan - certainly the second day I ever spent at the OBOE office, Hanazaki-san took a pair of pencils and taught me the correct way to hold them as through they were chopsticks.
Now... perhaps because my hands were a little wider or longer, I couldn't grip those pencils the same way as he, and therefore had to create a different grip for myself. I showed it to him - and he said if it works for you, then maybe Japan could learn from Canada.
My test with the chopsticks involved me having to pick up slick, raw shelled beans with them.... if I could do it quickly by picking them up from one bowl and then into another, then my style was golden.
I'm still awaiting my royalty cheque from having taught the world a different chopstick grip. Excluding my pinkie finger and index finger, I use the two middle ones and my thumb to grab food as fast or faster than the Japanese.
Back to the point - kyudo: Because I am tired, my eyes are, too... or maybe it's the other way around.
When we finish, and Kanemaru-san drives Ashley back to my place. She hangs around and watches a couple of Mission Impossible episodes (original series) and one of McGyver.
I figure she's hanging around for a reason, so I sit beside her on my couch and cop a feel. My grip must be good because I feel no pain, though there is the odd moan evoked.
She doesn't seem to mind (or say a word) as I unbutton her blouse and move her bra out of the way... as I time it perfectly for the end of McGyver, because as soon as it's over she jumps me!
We head for the bedroom and without going into details (which I have actually written down here in my diary), we come out gasping for air 90 minutes later marveling at how good that felt.
Not an idiot, despite what I have written under the name of the whole blog, I suggest that maybe we can do it more often.
She smiles, and in her usual understated way simply says, "maybe." No capital 'M' either. Now that's understated.
It's also so friggin' Japanese. The Japanese have a hundred different ways of saying maybe, including the infamous sucking of air through the teeth... which is all done rather than saying 'no" and possibly disappointing someone. Is Ashley turning Japanese?
If not, at least it wasn't a 'no'. But if the endorphins weren't kicking in, perhaps it would have been. Who the hell knows what she is thinking? Probably that we are just friends-with-benefits. But I want more. The king wants more!
I ride my bicycle back to her place. Tell her I enjoyed the evening, and ride home floating on a cloud.
Oh yeah... while I was making the moves on Ashley, Kevin called wanting to talk with me about last Saturday night. That was when he kept trying to poach the Japanese woman I was chatting up - and doing quite well with - until he butted in and started speaking his fluent Japanese drawing her out of our broken English/Japanese chat. Bastard.
I tell Kevin I have my hands full with some things now (and I do, too, thank you Ashley), so he suggests we chat tomorrow. I say okay.
What the hell is there to talk about? Bastard. Just don't ever get in my way again! Stupid gaijin.

Somewhere riding the high,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is sung by: The Who: MINDMINDMIND

It's Oh So Quiet

It's another pretty good day for me. It's Wednesday, September 18, 1991 and I'm teaching this week at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.

I've been here for 13 months+ and I've had my ups and downs in Japan - most of it having to do with women - and not the fact I am living alone for the first time in my life, and doing so in a country I know next to nothing about.

My students are obedient, polite, smart and fun to be around - unlike some school's I won't mention. It was Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School).

I play baseball with the students after lunch again and have a great time talking in Japanese and English to them, as they do the same! This is what being a teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme is all about!

Since there's a teacher's meeting at 4PM, I get to leave early. despite being called a teacher here - I'm not really., I'm a walking, talking, hairy tape recorder - but it's okay. The job is actually easy at good school's like this where the students listen.

After riding home on my bicycle - it's a 10-minute trip, I head over to my back doctor. It's been seven weeks since I last had an adjustment, and man, it feels great! I guess I was merely out of sorts all this past time.

I go shopping and buy a Japanese ready-made meal, instead of going to a fast-food restaurant. If I could learn how to cook this stuff, I'd feel more Japanese than gaijin (foreigner), but cooking for one is an arduous, time-consuming chore.

Back home I eat and finish off half of the bottom of my 5000 piece puzzle of The Tower of Babel - and appropriate theme considering my Japanese language skills are not very good - and I doubt they ever will be. I'm not very good with languages - and even failed Grade 12 English once! (I am a writer now in 2011! So take that high school!)

I go to bed at 12:30AM - after deciding not to call up any more new female JET arrivals to chat. I enjoy the comfort of being alone.

Ashley, my friend-with-benefits (and ex-girlfriend here) did call me up to say she wouldn't be coming for our kyudo (Japanese archery) lesson today as she has the runs. I'm supposed to go by myself tonight, but decide I'm not really in the mood for the frustration the sport brings me.

Oh well... sometimes a guy just needs a night off to relax rather than to be everybody else's monkey.

Somewhere babbling to myself,
Andrew Joseph
Our musical guest sponsoring my title (okay, the song I chose for the title is played by:) is Björk: NICEANDICY-COOL. Her squinty eyes remind me of Ashley's.
PS - Where's all the excitement? Have you ever heard of the 'eye of the storm'? It's slowly coming. Patience, young Jedi.   

Anything But Ordinary

It's Wednesday, September 11, 1991... I'm having my own 9-11 problems today after last night's heavy drink party.

Luckily I never get hangovers, but I am tired and dehydrated! To celebrate, I sleep an extra 15 minutes until 7AM, and then get ready for work at Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School) where I am an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme here in Ohatawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan for 13 months.

It's raining today. A typhoon is blowing through, but luckily it's not a big one. It's just a very hard rain with some wind. No big deal as I get a car ride from the school's nurse, Mrs. Gunji.

Kita Chu. God, I hate this school. The students really are a pain in the butt. There are some nice kids, and the teachers are all very nice, but there is just a large amount of kids who are not interested in learning but are interested in disrupting classes so that no one can learn.

The whole area is dominated by a farming community, but that's no excuse. Sakyuma and Kaneda Minami and Chikasono are schools that derive their student population from farming families. I don't know... maybe Kaneda Kita is less economically successful than the other areas. I doubt it. They have a large, modern  and rather nice school. Far better than the old one at Chikasono.

Maybe it's just my luck that Kaneda Kita Chu is being run by a bunch of juvenile delinquents at this particular time - and maybe once they graduate (every student graduates from Japanese primary and junior schools here in 1991), the next generation of kids will be better.

I've met those kids from the nearby primary school (Ichinosawa Sho Gakko)... a few times now... and they are all pretty decent! So, I hope there is hope.

Let's skip ahead. School is over and I go home.

My ex-girlfriend Ashley who is now my friend-with-benefits comes over. It's that time of the month, I suppose. Whatever. It's still good to see her.

We chat and wait for Kanemaru-san to come and take us to our kyudo (Japanese archery) practice, but he doesn't show up. No phone call... nothing. That's not like him. I hope he's okay.

Still... that's okay by us, as Ashley and I are having a good time with each other... later when Kanemaru-san does come by at 6:30PM (30 minutes late), we pretend we're not home so that we can snuggle and watch some video taped television programs from home.

Ashley is acting in a very funny mood. I like it. I wish she was always so hilarious, but I guess it's a hormone thing.

At 10PM, I ride home with her, grab a decent kiss and buzz back home to work on my jigsaw puzzle.

Somewhere life seems normal,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by: Avril Lavigne: CREEPMYSELFGOUT

Saints In Hell

So...  I have to go into the junior high school from Hell this week—Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School).

It's Tuesday, September 10, 1991 here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. I've been here for 13-1/2 months and have pretty much enjoyed my time here.

I'm up at 6:45AM and feel blah. Really tired. Probably because it's raining and it's the worst-behaved school of the seven I visit and perform assistant English teacher duties as part of the Japan Exchange & Teaching Programme, aka JET.

I get a ride to the school from Gungi-san. She's the school nurse and is about 55, very short and thin and very nice. The only knock is that she can't speak English - at all. Okay... that's not really a knock. The real knock against her is that she is a terrible driver.

Last year she was the nurse over at Sakuyama Chu Gakko (Sakuyama Junior High School), and she provided car rides for me then, too. You can read about that HERE - halfway down the story.

Anyhow... despite rolling stops and weaving around students on bicycles, Gunji-san likes to talk to me. It is pretty much all in Japanese, and I sort of understand her.   Sort of. But while I do understand her Japanese, I can't speak it, so I respond in English. Now both of us have no idea what the other is saying.

My two classes I have to team-teach today are with Akazawa-sensei (Mr. Akazawa, an English teacher). He looks pretty damn tired - and why not? He has to teach these buggers every day!

It's not his teaching methods... they are actually quite sound, but rather these students are complete a$$holes.

Not one student listens. They sleep or talk amongst themselves non-stop. In the 2-2 class (#2 Grade 8 class), there are 38 students... 14 don't even bother to open their note books; 15 don't write a single thing in the notebooks, while a mere 9 put down a few notes - not all the notes mind you - but a few. Still... 9 out of 38!!

Since the Sports Festival was rained out on Sunday (Really?, I played kyudo - Japanese archery - at a tournament all day!), the rest of the afternoon is devoted to finishing off the school sports event.

So... with nothing better to do, and curious to see, I watch.

First... over the school loudspeaker system they play—and I am not exaggerating—the same four songs over again and again and again—for four hours!!!!

One of the so-called Sports Festival events is called CONFUSION! Students have to run 30 meters to a set of hurdles, go under it, run 20 meters to a baseball bat lying on the ground. Leaning over, you place the bat on your forehead and spin around I think it's 10 times, to make yourself dizzy. That's not that hard, as most of these kids are already spun.

Now dizzier, the students stagger like I probably have on many a night out at the 4C bar over to a tray filled with flour where they have to snuffle around in it like a pig (hands behind their back) to pull a marshmallow from it with their mouth. I don't think that is very hygienic, ne (eh).  They then race another 20 meters to the finish line.

Even though I think these kids are idiots, this event is a riot!

Despite my enjoyment of that event, my highlight occurred when students from the nearby Ichinosawa Sho Gakko (Ichinosawa primary school) came by for a visit. These kids were unafraid of me - for some, I was their first live gaijin (foreigner), and played some catch with me with a baseball... but here's the freaky thing.... they talked to me in English!! And very well, too!

It wasn't perfect grammar or complex sentences, but it was clear and understandable simple English. They asked me questions, and I responded in simple English - which they understood, and when they didn't I used simple Japanese... but again... they didn't just listen to my Japanese chatter... they actually wanted me to teach them how to say my Japanese comments in English!

This is what it means to be a teacher of English here in Japan! These little pipsqueaks from Grades 1-6 showed me that there is hope here for the teachers of Kaneda Kita! 

Unless, of course, the students come here and somehow get the life and intelligence sucked out of them... I mean, many of the kids at Kaneda Kita graduated from Ichinosawa a single year ago!

I would take credit for the primary school kids talking English - but I can't!  I have met them a couple of times before - and they really were nice and friendly... but whomever has been teaching them English deserves a very deep bow and a great big bottle of Scotch... unless it's a female teacher, in which case I really need a cup of o-cha (green tea).

Yeah... sexism was rampant in 1991 Japan. My buddy Mike In Tokyo Rogers says in his blog that the women seem to have more power. Click HERE for a read.

I stick around the school playing and talking with the Ichinosawa students until they are forced away from me to go and watch the Sports Events. I still stick around because, well, Gunji-san is the school nurse. She has to stay in case any student needs her help after unexpectedly snorting too much flour.

So...  I'm standing around trying to look menacing and cool so that the Kaneda Kita students don't gang-up  and beat the crap out of me, when a tall and very beautiful female student comes up to me, hugs me for just slightly too long and then while still holding on, looks up into my face and purrs: "I love An-do-ryu teacher."

You could have knocked me down with a marshmallow hit by an errant baseball bat!

Her English was flawless! And she's hot! Is she wearing eye-liner? No... those long lashes are her own!

Grinning inwardly and outwardly, I ask her what third year (Grade 9) class she is in.

She smiles and purrs: "One-four".

Holy crap! She's in Grade 7? She's 12 years old?! With a body like that?! Wow. That was scary. But still... wow! Or should I say "Yikes"? Still, it is my belief that there is plenty of hope for Kaneda Kita!

So... let's end it for today. I still have the evening to share - and it doesn't involve me moping around doing my puzzle dressed only in my underwear.

Somewhere mostly impressed by the day's events,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is performed by: Judas Priest

I Wanna Be A Cowboy

It's Monday, September 9, 1991.

Along with my girlfriend Ashley (or maybe we're not boyfriend/girlfriend and just in it for the benefits), we participated in the Yoichi Nasu Kyudo (Japanese archery) Matsuri yesterday.

I actually hit a target—just not my own. Oh well...

When I did hit that target - everyone at the tournament gasped with shock... how could a gaijin (foreigner) play our sport so well! And then when they saw it was not my target they all unclenched their sphincters.

I'm just guessing.

The Japanese are a notoriously proud people - as well they should be. But to ensure that you - the gaijin - are aware that what your are seeing, doing or wearing is actually Japanese, they will refer to it as a Japanese so-and-so.

Examples I can easily toss out are: Japanese rice; Japanese chopsticks; Japanese kimono. It does seem, at first glance for a guy coming over from Canada, to be completely ridiculous, as these items in Canada are simply known as rice, chopsticks and kimono.

I supposed that if I were at a Chinese restaurant I'd be eating Chinese rice with my chopsticks while wearing a Chinese kimono. Or Indian rice with my Indian chopsticks (also known as fingers) while wearing my Indian kimono (sari).

I get it... There are other countries that offer a similar product (Korea does have a kimono - though I doubt they call it one), and the Japanese just want to ensure you/me/us know that it is of Japanese origin - and that everybody stole it from Japan.

That's a paraphrase from a Gilligan's Island television episode:

Gilligan: "I thought it was Chinese water torture."
Japanese Soldier: "They copied it from Japan."

I love that line... even though they had a guy with an Italian name play the part of the Japanese soldier - Vito Scotti.

Anyhow... I'm feeling blah! It's an office day because all of the recent school festivals meant the students weren't doing enough work... so they wanted to keep me out for a day to help teachers and students get back into the swing of things... or something like that. I usually got explanations for things, but often it was tell me where I'm going and who cares about the explanation, as I knew it would be a difficult thing to have translated for me.

It looks like the typhoon is about to hit - again. I go into the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office - and the first thing I tell all all of the anxious faces is: "Dame!  Ze-ro" (essentially, "no way - zero" ). I explain all of my bad luck yesterday - leaving out the sex, and everyone gets a chuckle because it is rather funny, and I have a big grin on my face as I re-tell the days events.

Kanemaru-san invites me to participate in another kyudo tournament next weekend. I actually want to participate now... but I have committed to be part of some JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme dance event in Nikko.

I go home at lunch and do some more of my puzzle... it's not coming as easily as the last one that I seemingly did in my sleep one evening, as my brain took over and just kept slapping down piece after piece until I forced myself to regain control.
 
I write another letter to my brother Ben, and receive one from my gal Kristine who lives 500 kilometres away. Brains, beauty and a fantastic sense of humour - she always seemed too good for me, and 20 years later, I congratulate myself on being correct.

Back at the OBOE office - I goof around some more. I do some work on a couple of stories, and do a few puzzles. It's a nice change of pace from being on the go and being so in-demand nearly every day. I don't mind that, but it is nice to do nothing and get paid for it.

I ride home in the drizzle and sit amongtst my messy apartment and do more of my puzzle. I am actually unaware as to when my apartment finds the time to get messy, as it seems like I tidy up every day. God! Am I anal retentive neat? My parents would have a heart attack if they knew that, because I have always been messy. I guess now that I have people (and especially women) going in and out of my place, I want the place to look like it belongs to a guy who knows how to look after himself.

I watch some sumo (Japanese wrestling) on television and then race off to teach at my night school English conversation class for beginners that I do to make some extra cash on the side. Basically, it helps pay for the food Ashley and Matthew consume. :)

I have four new students tonight... all female of course. The majority of my class is female. I'm not complaining, but I really do think that most of them spend the entire time there making eyes at me and then demurely lowering the head when I look at them.

Of my new students, two are actually from Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) - but unlike any I've met at that school... these ones do not understand anything I say... even when I ask them: "What is your name?"

They point at their nose, as if to grasp that I am indeed talking to them... I am... I'm looking right at them and have leaned in close. But... they can't even answer that until my other students translate for them.

But that's okay... it is a beginner's course, afterall. Why would anyone come here if they didn't need to be here? Not for me, I hope.

My other two students are women in their late 40s or early 50s... I really seem to have a look cougars like - horny.

Not surprisingly... Shoko is absent. She and I were supposed to go out for a date last Friday. She was to have called me and told me when and where. She did try, but I must have missed her call. That sucks... but I hope she isn't avoiding me?

Last night Naoko came over to talk. Naoko likes myself and Matthew - but just as friends. My mom visited here last month and was really quite disappointed that Naoko and I were only friends, and spend an inordinate amount of time looking for a husband for Naoko if I wasn't going to step up... and I wasn't.

Shoko and Naoko are friends. I explained what happened, and I assume that now Shoko knows. It wasn't me being malicious or afraid or anything like that... just crappy timing.

At break, while everyone goes off to chat, I sit at my desk by myself and wonder what the hell I am going to teach them tonight. I really should come up with a teaching plan, but I have always preferred to just wing it!

I decide to teach them some very difficult 'tense' material... but the class keeps surprising me and gets most of it.

I ride home after class, take a whiz and then go over to Matthew's place to watch a television show - Robin Hood - until midnight. It's a good but not great program, because the archery in it... is not Japanese.

Somewhere this Indian wants to find a kimono-clad Cowgirl,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by: Boy's Don't Cry: YOYO

 

 

Rocky Raccoon

It's Sunday, September 8, 1991 and Ashley and I are participating in the Yoichi Nasu Kyudo Matsuri in the Sakuyama district of Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. Kyudo is Japanese archery... a little different from the standard modern bow in that the Japanese bow is about 7-feet tall.

Ashley and I just spent a long night of not being boyfriend/girlfriend to simply being friends-with-benefits. As such, we awake all sticky and sweaty with only two hours of sleep. That's fine for me, but Ashley's the type of girl who seems to need 8-10 hours every night.

Up at 6AM. Blah. Okay... maybe I need more than two hours of sleep. Ashley leaves almost immediately to go home and get some tampons and then would be back to have a shower. Her place has a wooden bath tub that is a large (?) three-foot x three foot square. I sat in it once and wondered why Japan would create something as uncomfortable as this for its people. Okay... maybe 100 years ago, but why is it still in existence in the 20th century?

I have a shower - a nice hot 20th century shower. Finishing, Ashley calls me up and says she has a flat tire on her bicycle. Can I come and pick her up? She's 20 minutes away by bike over in the next town of Nishinasuno.

I race over, and double her back. If I wasn't tired before (and I was), I am completely wiped out now. It's hot out - close to 30 Celsius, and it's only 7:30 AM. It looks like it will rain, however... which doesn't mean it will cool down, but rather become more humid. This is Japan.

Back at my place, my arms and legs feel like they want to fall off. Ashley showers and gets dressed. With no time for breakfast (and trust me, I should have had another shower after that bicycle ride built for two), I double her over to the Ohtawara Kyudo Club.

It begins to drizzle rain.

I look for my arrows, and only find three of four. Where the hell is it? Oh yeah... when I left in a huff two days ago, I forgot to pick-up my arrows and put them away. Number four is embedded in the ground with its feathers all screwed up. Great.

With Sano-sensei (a kyudo instructor) driving us, we leave. We return. I forgot my kyudo glove. We get it and leave again. Wow... we are off to such a great start!

Arriving, it begins to pour like someone should be building an ark and counting the animals. I get dressed in the men's area, and Ashley in the women's. It's not like it's separated by anything other than some imaginary line.

I chat with Ashley in the rain - we look good, but we feel like crap. Tired, hungry and wet. But... it is better to look good than to feel good. I have no idea why I am up tight. It's not like anyone expects us to win this event! But still, I want to do well. I want to show that gaijin (foreigners) and Andrew especially can do Japanese things as well as the Japanese.

Sano-sensei seeing us chatting in the rain, invites us into his van for some sake. Really? That's going to help? It's only 10:30AM.

I have a long shot, and some food. But I'm really nervous now and need to go to the bathroom, but can't because of my costume.

Then someone tells me I have my costume on inside out. Oh crap. Way to make a good impression! Still no time to go to the washroom! I go and change with some help from a friendly woman who is all hands... by that I mean it seems like she is feeling me up. I don't mind because I'm a guy.


Ashley shoots first. She's not bad... comes very close but no hits.

I shoot with some Kurobane Kyudo Club. (Kurobane is the town where my boss and good friend Kanemaru-san lives... I have had four homestays at his place so far, and look forward to many more this upcoming year!) Thank goodness they don't use a 'K' for club like with would have in North America. That's all I need... to be shooting against the KKK.

Stepping up and going through the slow rituals, I drawback the bowstring, slow down my breathing, hold the arrow in perfect form, stare straight ahead at the target and wait until I become one with the arrow. I release.

The crowd gasps!

I hit the target! Holy smokes! I hit the target!

Then I look closer... it just wasn't mine.

Thinking I was aiming at the wrong target, a tournament official comes up and points at my target. At least he didn't bother trying to do it in Japanese, because it might have freaked me out... and you never want to freak out a gaijin... especially one armed with a weapon. Hah! As if. I wouldn't be able to kill anyone I aimed at. I don't tell anyone, but I was aiming at my target... something in my release made my arrow fly off target.

Anyhow... that hit and a miss really throws me. Or perhaps it was the lack of sleep, nerves, alcohol, no food and crappy weather combined with dressing inside out, forgetting my archery glove, using the screwed up arrow first, and having to double Ashley hither and yon. Or... it could be that I am m not very good. I'm not really. I do the one sport where I have to stare at a target... my astigmatism makes things a bit difficult. But, no one knows about that problem.

My second shot sucks, though the third and fourth ones are better. I still don't hit anything, like anyone else's target, but in this tournament the guys I am shooting with - only one person hits a target.

I was really scared and nervous and my hand's wouldn't stop shaking... but at last it's over! And no one took pictures of me! In fact, I have zero photos of me doing kyudo. I do have a kyudo bow, arrow and targets here in 2011, however!

Just think... if that target I hit had actually been mine, I would have gone onto the next round! I think I'm glad I missed. 

Ashley and I change to our regular clothes - jeans and a t-shirt and then go off to buy some souvenirs. I pass out in the back of Sano-sensei's car.

Ashley comes over and wakes me up when it's time to go.

I woman who has watched Ashley and I at the Ohtawara Kyudo Club gives us a ride back. I think she's a friend of Ashley's, but to be honest, I am too tired to care. It's Japan... it's sleepy little Ohtawara... the people are all nice and friendly here! Her English is excellent!

Driving back to the club in her white car, I double Ashley back on my bicycle to her place and was then going to go with her to a bicycle shop in Nishinasuno to get the tire fixed...  because like in every town, village or city, there are literally hundreds of bicycle repair shops in this country. I have no idea how anyone makes any money, but they all seem to survive!

At Ashley's place, we discover that her locked bicycle needs her key... which is back at my apartment in Ohtawara.

I race home, finally have that washroom break I've been dreaming about and head back to Ashley's place. I run into her while riding there... she's carrying her bike!?! Pretty strong! I guess that's why she does all right in our wrestling tickle fights. She too is exhausted, so I have no idea how she is able to carry her bicycle... remember, the lock is through the wheel so it won't roll.

I carry her bike for her the rest of the way to a repair shop.. and then remember I have the key! We are both really tired, I guess. We unlock her bicycle and walk our bicycles there! They fix her up and then ride back to my place. She changes clothes again... and I dig out a pair of shoes she left at my place back in April or May... from when we traveled out west to Beppu... I think she bought these shoes from the Kintetsu department store where I bought some old coins.

We have some Coke, talk and then she has to leave at 5:20PM because she has another enkai (party) to go to at the Girl's High School here in Ohtawara.

Nervous... about something or another... I clean up. Ashley always comes over after an enkai and we get busy... but I expect she is too tired for any tickling or stuff... what with that whole no sleep, drinking and menstruation thing going on.

Naoko comes over at 6PM and stays until 9PM. We talk about the gossip of myself, Shoko, the people of Ohtawara, Ashley... I wonder if Naoko noticed any of Ashley's clothes at my place? Probably. We talk about my life in Japan and proper English for a jacket she is making. She wants it to read Freedom Flight Ship '91. I don't know what to tell her. She tries to explain why, but I don't really get it. I tell her to get rid of the "Ship" part, but she insists she wanted a nautical theme. That explains the hard navy shoulder boards!

The flight part? I'm guessing it's an aircraft carrier. Freedom? Fight for freedom? I tell her the English is fine, but it's still not something us Westerners would add to our jackets... however, it is a popular style here in Japan. In fact, I recall seeing a bomber jacket worn by a Japanese man that had Enola Gay written on the back - oblivious to the fact that the Enola Gay was the B-29 bomber that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima back in 1945, but content in the fact that he had English words on the back of his jacket.

That is how much people love English in Japan. By the same token, in 2011 many non-Japanese have tattoos with incorrect Japanese kanji (words) on themselves. At least the Japanese guy can take off his bomber jacket.

Lisa Arnold, a black woman on the JET program... chubby, but bubbly and pretty with a personality anyone would die for calls... but I am too tired to talk and tell her that I want to go to sleep and that I will call her tomorrow.

Yet... I don't go to sleep. I stay up and do my 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle and watch the Mission Impossible movie on video tape until 12AM.

Now I am zonked. I jump on my bed and fall off. Can't even hit that target. Figures.

Somewhere off target,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by The Beatles: NANCY. I just like the song... and the Robert Service poem - The Shooting of Dan McGrew - that inspired it.
PS: Yoichi Nasu for whom the kyudo festival is named after, was a local hero in Ohtawara-shi. That's his image at the top on my business card (meishi).

Song 2

It's Saturday September 7, 1991. I'm living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan for 13 months now. I'm an assistant English teacher on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme. I love my life in Japan and the freedom it affords me. Up until moving here, I had never left home. Ever. As such, I never knew how to cook, clean, do laundry, shop - you name it and I had domestic bliss... or rather domestic indifference. After two weeks here, I learned how to cook and began putting on a the 10 pounds or so that I lost upon arriving.

Ashley was my girlfriend from Day 2 in Japan. That lasted about 10 months, off and on. Mostly on. We are currently friends-with-benefits, though I haven't seen any benefits for about two months now.

Yesterday, I was to have my first real date with a Japanese woman - Shoko. I had already slept with a few Japanese women, but Shoko was the first I had thought I could have a real relationship with. Our date fell through, as she was to have called me with details on when and where we would meet. I missed her call(s).

Fate.

Strangely, I'm not overly disturbed by it.

I'm up at 10AM. I figure Ashley will drop by this morning after visiting the Ohtawara Girl's High School (she also teaches at the Boy's High School) to watch a play. She does. We chat. I've been angry with her most of the week owing to my jealousy of her being asked to participate in a kyudo (Japanese archery) tournament I was already entered in.

I prefer to be the center of attention. It's 1991 and I'm 26-years-old, and I don't have that much experience with members of the opposite sex despite having slept with a dozen women in my life... all since landing here in Japan. Most of it has just been sex, with Ashley the only real girlfriend I've had. I did have one other girlfriend back in Toronto - my first... Bryndis Swan. I was 22 and she 18. She was like Ashley... Brains, cute beyond belief (though Bryndis had a sense of humour to rival or surpass my own  - she was also smarter than me, which is something I prefer in my women... besides myself, of course).

When Ashley leaves, I clean up my apartment again. It's my defense mechanism. My place was already clean in anticipation of my date with Shoko. I wasn't expecting a sexual encounter with her, but I was ready nonetheless. So why do I need to clean up again? Ashley either puts me on edge or I do it to myself. I guess I want some benefit to our relationship, or I want there to be a relationship. Probably both. Or neither. I'm confused.

I do laundry and flip on the television noting that a typhoon is coming. Perfect.

Ashley comes back to my place at 6PM. We watch some Star Trek: TNG videos I have and decide to forget about practicing kyudo tonight. I don't want to for fear of weakening my arm for tomorrow. That's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it.

We decide to wrestle with each other (arm be damned). She tickles me (I'm ticklish), but since she isn't ticklish, I need to even up the playing field and so grab her boobs. A fair exchange, right? We continue to wrestle for a long time. Then we inexplicably stop and watch some more videos: The Twilight Zone (new version). Wrestle again. Take a break. Wrestle some more.

I wonder if she was just waiting for me to make more of a move than grabbing her boobs? But I don't. We continue to wrestle until she cracks her head against the wooden part of my sofa.

To help, I give her e a massage and the massage her boobs. That's a fair exchange right? I mean she did almost break my sofa!

Apparently the massage is what she considers "Andrew making his move" because we are quickly all over each other and head to my bedroom. But, her Aunt Flo makes an appearance and that means less for Andrew. Oh well. She was still interested in providing some benefit to our friendship.

We finish up at 3AM, chat until 4AM.

We're both exhausted, sweaty and have to get up at 6AM to get ready for our kyudo tournament on Sunday.

This should go well.

My arm is really tired from all of the practice we put our friendship through.

Somewhere the spirit is willing,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Blur: WOO-HOO!

Dazed & Confused

It's Thursday, September 5, 1991 here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

I'm half-awake and I'm vibrating. I'm either in shock or I'm experiencing a mild earthquake, though I think only my body is shaking. What is going on?

Not a good day. Probably one in which I'll be in a pissy mood.

I only have one class today at Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School) where I am an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. After my one class - which is satisfying, if not a little bit exciting, I go to the teacher's office.

It's freaking hot outside at 36 Celsius at 10AM. This is pretty normal for this time of year leading into what is know as Typhoon Season. The rest of the school goes out to practice for this weekend's Sports Day festival. That's my cue to sit around and hand-write the 17-pages of letters I owe people.

Lunch was just okay. I have given up eating rice, as I want to drop a few more pounds. I chat with some of the boys I eat lunch with, and surprise, surprise We can actually communicate pretty well in both English and Japanese. I am still unsure when I started to get this language, but I am sure I am talking at a 1st grade level  - that would be like a six-year-old.

After lunch I go outside and watch the renshu (practice). It's interesting, but I'm not going to be able to attend it.

After school, I go home. My ex-girlfriend Ashley is there. We aren't a couple anymore, but we did agree to be friends-with-benefits.. only after going back to the USA for a vacation... well, I ain't seeing any benefits.  Sorry for her, but I'm not in a good mood when I see her. She's joining me in a kyudo (Japanese archery) tournament this weekend, and she already seems better prepared than I am.

At our kyudo lesson, nothing feels right for me. My practice shots are great, but standing at the line and firing at the real target so far away... well, all my shots waver and head down - well short of the target. I think it's my string, but I don't know how to ask anyone, as I didn't bring my dictionary with me. So much for figuring out this language.

My hands are also shaking. I pull a diva, and leave in a huff after 30 minutes leaving Ashley there by herself.

At home I am so pissed off at myself, Ashley and the world, I call the only sane person I know... Matthew, a fellow junior high teacher who lives in my city but teaches in the outskirts of the city.

Jeanne, another teacher calls me (she lives in the same apartment complex as Ashley in Nishinasuno Town) to invite me to the Ibaraki Beach Party this weekend. Yeah, right. Last year I went by myself as no one from my area wanted to go. I go horribly lost owing to a decided lack of direction and Japanese language ability. I vowed  - never again. And besides, why invite me on Thursday for an event on Saturday. That's hardly enough warning for a guy is permanently busy.

James Jimmy Jive Dalton (another JET) phones me to invite to play poker tomorrow. For some reason that little time doesn't bother me, so I agree. He's about 25 minutes south of my city by train. Rory then calls to tell me about a job he's applying for. Rory is the ex-boyfriend of Kristine... the only woman on the JET Programme - and the only woman I currently know, for whom I would do anything for. Yes, I like her, but she's also been stupidly nice to me.

Then Ashley comes over to check up on me. She tries to make me talk and to make me laugh. It's difficult for me, as I am being childish. I see this now in 2011. She suggest we go over to her place to watch a Star Trek episode on a video tape she got recently, but she can't find it. I don't understand that. Her place is tiny. She has four rooms, but each one is about eight-foot by eight-foot. (2.44m x 2.44m).

Instead, we watch an old Jimmy Stewart movie called Harvey, which I have never seen before. Love her or hate her, Ashley has introduced me to some decent movies. Harvey is fantastic!

I go home at 1AM, have a bad headache. I am feeling over-whelmed, dazed and further confused over my relationship with Ashley.

Somewhere not feeling right,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by Led Zeppelin: SOULOFAWOMAN. This a particularly raunchy version. It's almost all distortion. Here's the album version: CREATEDBELOW. There are more words that fit my mood, but the frenetic raunchy version is as dazed and confused as I feel.
PS: There's another blog eight hours after the publication of this one! It's about... sports! 

Mr. Brightside

Okay... maybe I lied at the end of my blog yesterday. I actually got a good night's sleep. Hardly the sleep of angels, but I do get enough... but I still feel like it's not enough.

It's Wednesday, September 4, 1991 and I'm in my 13th month of living here on the small city of Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. I'm an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.

You know.. regular readers must be bored with me writing out that last paragraph for all of my articles... but you try writing it out every single day! I do it in case someone new comes along - and believe me, despite the few number of followers, there are quite a few people who find us accidentally and follow along themselves. How else to explain why we get around 6,000 hits a month. It's not going viral, but it shows that one can build an audience with charming, intelligent articles. And that you can do it the opposite way to, like I have done.  

I'm at Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School), one of the seven schools I team-teach at for four days a week (a fifth day is spent at the OBOE - what I call the Ohtawara Board of Education office). Though I only have two classes today, school is very long... a by-product of feeling tired, I suppose... or perhaps just realizing that every kid is looking forward to this weekend's Sports Festival.

After the second class (strangely enough in the second period), all the kids head outside to practice for the festival. It's 10:30AM and it's already 31 Celsius and humid.

But, rather than practice sports (it is a sports festival!), they practice dancing... they do a traditional Ohtawara dance that is old fashioned and means a lot more to old folks and gaijin (foreigners) than it probably does to these poor kids.

Since there are about 50 more boys than girls, the boys are forced to dance together. One of the teachers (who shall remain nameless) winked at me and called it an okama dance... an English translation would involve a more harsh term for 'homosexual'. Regardless of the lack of political correctness (and he did say it as a friend rather than a s a fellow teacher), I call it the 'laughing dance' as I am laughing my butt off! It's not because of any one looking gay, it's because of the reaction of these boys.

Let's take a look at life in 1991 in Japan. Homosexuality in Japan is completely frowned upon. AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) was not something that Japanese people got—it was a sicko perversion brought to Japan by gaijin. This was what numerous people told me when I asked them about homosexuality et al.

Back in the early 1980's, I worked as a summer student with the Ontario Ministry of Housing working the frontline as people looked for government-assisted housing. Along with the so-called poor and needy, we also had battered women, as well as those who were sick... many with AIDS. I've not been afraid to help anyone who needs help, and I know back in 1987 or whenever it was, a person with AIDS was looked upon like a leper (but 10 times worse). These poor men (and in all instances at that time, the people who had AIDS that I met were men) always seemed surprised that I didn't seem afraid to shake their hand or that I as a then 22-year-old could treat them with the respect than any human being deserves.

Why am I explaining all this... well, I don't want you to think I'm an insensitive clod. I'm not a hypocrite. I treat everyone the same, and that is how I want to be treated myself.

These boys were afraid to touch each other's hands. It was funny, because the teachers knew this and didn't care. They were going to step up and toe the line and dance with another male, because that's what they had to do.

They were slapping each other like Japanese Stooges, calling each other knuckleheads and other nonsensical names. They were acting like kids... and I have to admit that sometimes that is great to see. Japanese schools can be so strict and regimented that it isn't really a fun place to be (at least in my own opinion - maybe they feel differently). After several minutes of refusing to touch each other's hands, one of the older kids—and obvious star athlete in baseball—tells them all to stop screwing around and to let's just do this! This kid will be a leader in enterprise someday!

So... guess what music they are dancing to? "Turkey in the Straw"; "Anchor's Away "(which would have been even more funny if they were wearing the dress uniforms... you  know...  the one's based on the naval sailor suits!).

Those songs were why I was busting a gut laughing! That wasn't for my benefit was it?! I hope not! But why those old grey mare songs? This is for Sports Day... surely there must be something better than Turkey In The Straw!

Lunch is another diet. It's not that I'm not hungry - I am... it's just that I am not afforded enough time to eat. I eat my lunch with the 3-3 class (class three of Year 3), a group of mostly 14- and 15-year-olds.

They all seem to speak excellent English. Any worries I had for the future of Japan were quickly dispelled by this class. The sports leader was also in this particular class.

Two of the boys (whom are not afraid to say that they think of me as a friend) sit beside me and talk non-stop throughout lunch. That's cool. That's what I am in Japan for. English and internationalization.
The son of one of the OBOE ladies asks me how tall I am and then how he can get to be so tall. Geez. Tough question considering genetics plays a huge role in this. I tell him to drink lots of milk and to exercise - things that can encourage growth. He says he does weights, and since I have done some (not a lot) I would start doing weights a lot between 1994 - 1999 back in Canada), I offer him advice and add that he should develop his core muscles (stomach et al) and his shoulders. As well, one can't walk around all muscle bound with the upper body, or you'll look like a chicken, with rooster legs. It's a total package, alternating between upper body and lower body, switching off on the days he exercises.

I go outside again and bake in the sun while I chat with Miss Funami ( a cutie teacher) and then either fall asleep or pass out from the heat that must be up around 38 Celsius. The nap kills my enthusiasm for the rest of the day. Heat stroke or something like that.

I go home, wolf my dinner and get ready for kyudo (Japanese archery). Ashley wants to come this week. I am unsure why she has chosen to come this week - whether it was for the actual sport or for my company, or is it just to learn something Japanese. Ashley, my ex-girlfriend, is a boys high school AET here in Ohtawara. All of her students know I am or was dating her, though Ashley likes to tell people she and I were just friends. Whether they believe her or me—well, I can't answer that. I'm pretty sure they believe the guy who talks to them about sex and who has never shied away from answering any question they have ever asked of me. Sorry Ashley.

At kyudo, because I am entering a contest this weekend, I am asked to put on some of the official archery clothing. It's some very fanciful pants and top, and if I didn't feel Japanese, I felt like one now... just one who was melting in the heat.

My actually archery is okay form-wise, but I am not hitting any targets, as I guess I am not pulling my right arm (and bowstring) back enough. I am shooting too low.

Because Ashley hasn't been to archery in a couple of months, I end up showing her what to do. Guess who hits the target? I effing hate her sometimes. With that hit, Kanemaru-san (one of my bosses at the OBOE and our kyudo teacher) asks Ashley to join the tournament this weekend.

(2011 editorial aside. I was 26-years-old at the time of this archery event, and still pretty childish. 2011 editorial aside over.)

This was my tournament! I'm not please. This was supposed to be my day. That ... it rhymes with witch.

We are supposed to practice Thursday, Friday and Saturday for the event on Sunday.

I am still fuming. I don't hide my emotions well... so I'm sure everyone knows I'm angry about something.

Ashley and I ride back to my place and watch McGyver on a tape I have, before I ride part-way home with her, leaving her to drop off a video and to rent another. Cathy, MariAnn and Kristine call me as I lie around naked watching my video. Yeah. There's a visual for all of you.

I crash at 11:30PM mentally exhausted.

Somewhere childish,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by: The Killers: JEALOUSY
PS: Wow... why was I such a dink? Ashley didn't do anything wrong. Maybe I was trying to push her away? Maybe I was angry that she didn't immediately fall in love with me again after being away for three weeks? Maybe I don't like being shown up by anyone in sports? Maybe I had heat stroke? Maybe I'm as childish as those dancing kids? Maybe. Let's face it... if I wasn't complex, these adventures would be pretty boring. See... I told you I was honest. Writing these blogs about this particular time of my life - it's difficult to write and bare myself. It's hard to fathom how I refused to let myself stay in a good mood - always looking for something to pull me down. I think it's still going on in 2011. Crap. I should do something about it.
PPS: Today's image at the top is again drawn in ink by Matsu-sensei of Nozaki. It's me gabbing on the phone (he knows I do that a lot), plus... I'm shaving! I guess my facial hair grows pretty fast! Dammit! Has everyone noticed?! Anyhow... his hanko (ink stamp signature is below the drawing.. mine is in the top right corner, and simply says An-Doh-Ryu.... not my last name... just my first.  
PPPS: Another blog entry eight hours after the publication of this one. Hold your breath!

Eat It

After the physically tiring and liver-sapping day of yesterday at the Sakuyama Obon Matsuri (Sakuyama festival of the dead), I figured I owed myself a relaxing day off.

It's Wednesday, August 28, 1991 and I'm here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. My mom, Lynda, has flown in from Toronto to visit me, as I am currently in my 13th month of living, loving, screwing, drinking and simply enjoying myself here in Japan. I arrived here an incompetent virgin and along with hitting double digits and simultaneous double female partners, I have learned how to cook, clean, shop, do laundry and iron. I even was taught by a Home Economics teacher at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (one of the seven junior high schools I teach at) how to sew. I'm only so-so at that, however. Sorry for that crappy joke. I usually do better.

So... even though I am on vacation still, I get up early and drag my mom  into work at the Ohtawara Board of Education (which I have dubbed the OBOE... I have no idea why I only did that back in 2009, and not back in 1990-1993!).

I take the Superintendent a large bottle of Canadian whiskey as a present - to thank him for allowing me the honour of working for him these past 13 months, and for another 11 future months, as well as to thank him for looking after my general well-being. To be honest, he had nothing to do with that, though he may have appointed the two men —Kanemaru-san and Hanazaki-san—that job... but, that's Japan. The boss gets the glory and the booze. Not to worry... I'll take in something for those guys later - when I don't have to embarrass the rest of the office when I don't provide presents for everyone.

I really wish I could... but I'm not a rich man—only in the things that count, and I'm pretty pissed off about that—I can only afford a few presents for those that really looked after me... though, to a person, each one in that office played a major role in my survival this past year.
  
As expected (okay, I didn't really expect it), but the whole OBOE goes ga-ga over my mom!

As a special treat (and thanks for the booze), my mom, Hanazaki-san (who speaks much more English than Kanemaru-san) and I are chauffeured around in the Superintendent's air-conditioned limousine. The Superintendent joins us, as we first visit his family home that actually belongs to his older brother now.

Located in Yuzukami-mura (Yuzukami Village), the place is over 200-years-old, is larger than any home I have ever been in here except a castle, is made of solid spruce wood and looks like it was built last week.

His sister-in-law serves us kuri (cucumber) and nasu (egg plant) salted overnight in a brine. It's fantastic, and I can't believe how much I eat considering neither vegetable is amongst my favourites. It's just that tasty!

We next head over to the Tengu Jinja  (Tengu Shrine)... I have no idea where I am... but Tengu is a large-nosed spirit  who can be better described by seeing rather than me writing about it... click on Tengu above for a lookie-loo. Unfortunately the shrine is closed up for repairs, but we can still see through a window.

We then drive out to the small town of Bato! Great! This is the third place I've never been to today - and guess who doesn't have his camera? Yup. Me.

At Bato, to thank him for his even greater generosity, I buy the Superintendent a lovely piece of Bato pottery - a vase. He was going to buy it himself, but I snatched it from his hands and paid for it myself. He seemed completely shocked, but I think he loved the fact that anyone would dare do something so strange and generous.

I don't know if that's what he was thinking, but the strange grin on his face showed ME that I was probably the first person in this country to ever do something like that to and for a boss. I think he originally thought I was going to buy it for myself and wanted it badly enough to rip it from his hands! Fooled you!

In retaliation, he buys my mother a pair of "His & Hers" coffee cups and saucers. I still have those cups - no photo though, as my wife took the camera with her to the cottage just this morning... me? I have to work!) My mom buys herself a large plate to put into her collection back in Toronto.

Next we head over to Ungonji Komekami (Unganji Temple) in Kurobane-machi (Kurobane Town - where Kanemaru-san happens to live). I have been here before, but nestled up against the Nasu mountain range's Higashi Yama (Eastern Mountain), I finally have perfect picture taking weather. mom as is her fashion in Japan, runs out of film... again.

At around 1PM, we stop off at Naka Gawa (Middle River) for an ayu (Japanese sweetfish) and to see the yana (bamboo ramp used to catch the fish).

They drop us off at home at 2PM, but I head out to go shopping while my mom relaxes a bit. My mom is making a tuna casserole.

She had me invite Matthew and Ashley over for dinner, curious to see why I was hung up on this girl. However, since I have kyudo (Japanese archery) tonight, the dinner is at 5PM.

Today I do go to kyudo with Kanemaru-san (my sensei/tecaher). Ashley who does archery with me decides not to go because she is sleepy. If there is one thing that really bothers me about Ashley, it's her inability to stay awake.

She was quiet during dinner, and acted like she didn't want to be there... but she and Matthew are my two best friends here in Japan, and I really wanted them to meet my mom. Screw Ashley - my ex-girlfriend and perhaps still friend-with-benefits... at least Matthew was the life of the party. I couldn't even look at her during dinner.

At kyudo, I hit one target out of four - alright! It's my first successful hit from the proper distance, and my form is perfect! because of that, they make me sign up for a kyudo tournament on September 8. Aaaaarrrggghhh! I have no idea how to say no, I'm a stinking coward in Japanese!

On the plus side, with my hair in a pony-tail, I feel like Robin Hood... if he had a ponytail and was a real person.

However... during archery, my stomach begins to churn and hurt. Everyone thinks its that Thailand dysentery problem I just got over. Me? I think it's either my mom's cooking or nerves hitting about the tournament.

As such, I need to leave early. Kanemaru-san who drove me there says it's okay to leave, and then sits around talking for a while. All I know is that the gurgling in my stomach is a forerunner to my gut exploding all over a toilet... and I've not seen one at the kyudo club!  Someone's going to be sorry!

When he finally does deign to take me home, I rush up to my apartment and barely make it up to my third-floor apartment. Kanemaru-san follows close behind and waits to see if I am alright.

My mom gives him some take-home tuna casserole. I told you someone was going to be sorry.

Matthew was still there when I got home, though Ashley was long gone. My mom was showing him some of my baby pictures.

I survive.

Somewhere wondering why my mom has my baby pictures with her on a trip to Japan,  
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Weird Al Yankovic. BURP
PS: No offense to Ashley in 2011, but my mom did not like her that much. It's probably because she wasn't as effervescent as Karen - the woman who wants to be my girlfriend, and who started sewing stuff for my apartment with my mom. I think Ashley had her baggage, but it still wasn't as heavy as Karen's. I think Ashley was just more shy, and I really did nothing to nurture her breaking out of that - expect to hope that my new-found brashness would rub off on her. I always figured that since I am the life of the party nowadays, that if she hung out with me she would be part of that party life, too. She may not have cared for that. I thought I did, because I had never been popular before thanks to a killer shyness. Regardless, Ashley preferred her own friends, most all of whom I found bitchy and bossy. She could be with her stand-offish crowd, and I could stand with my non-stand-offish crowd. At this time, I am unsure if I need to be with her or not. Same with Karen. Maybe I need someone new. Maybe I need to just freaking relax. I can't do anything with my mom around anyway... and besides... I haven't heard from Karen in a while... I wonder if she is expecting me to call her.  I don't. 
PPS: Okay... I just listened to the words to this parody song Eat It (イート・イット... this reads: ee-to it-to) (it's a parody of Beat It by Michael Jackson)... it mentions starving children in Japan!; and it mentions tuna casserole! Trust me! I had no idea those words were in this song, as I haven't listened to it in maybe 25 years! I love it when a plan comes together!

I'm So Tired

I'm going to combine two days today....  mostly because, well...

It's Wednesday, August 21, 1991 here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. Today, is the first time I've been alone in about a month or more.

I've always been a bit of a loner. Sure I enjoy company, but I also like being able to just be by myself... you know, to just be.

The past 13 months here in Japan have been hectic. I've had a girlfriend or 12 since first arriving, drunk more booze than I had ever done in my first 25-1/2 years, eaten a lot of strange, but wonderful foods, and have had the time of my life. I've had girlfriends, stalkers, uninvited visitors, visitors, strange phone calls, learned how to cook, clean, do laundry and iron.

Of course, today being the first time I've been alone in so long, I'm still sick... I picked up the runs while in Thailand. Never ever have an drink (of Coke) containing ice cubes. Sure... perhaps do so at a good hotel or restaurant, but I had mine up near the Burma border in a small podunk of a village. Mistake.

That was eight days ago. I am still sick, but just not so bad. Perhaps it's because I'm not eating.

I do a load of laundry (the medicine for my mind), do some rough drafts of It's A Wonderful Rife for the Tochigi-ken JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme monthly newsletter I am the editor for (The Tatami Times) - I haven't written in a while, and it makes me feel antsy.

Pretty cool huh? I feel antsy because I haven't written, while a mere three years ago, the thought of being a writer/journalist was the farthest thing from my mind. Japan? I never thought about that until a year and a half a go. Never knew I wanted to work or live or even visit there. Strange old world we live in, eh?

I laze around all day long hoping that Mathew or Ashley will phone. Ashley is my ex, and current friend-with-benefits. She arrived back in Japan yesterday evening (she's jet-lagged, I'm sure) (I wonder if she realizes I stocked her fridge for her so she'd have food and drink when she got back, realizing that she'd be too tired to go out shopping? Probably not.)

Matthew calls at 3PM, and we small talk. Despite being a loner, it's good to hear other people's voices - and Matthew has been a god-send for me. Considering the other people on JET who hate each other and never do anything with each other even though they live in the same town or city, I really lucked in.

I go to sleep for a few hours and ignore Kanemaru-san's frantic ringing of my doorbell at 6PM when he comes to take me to kyudo (Japanese archery) practice. I love Kanemaru-san. He's my boss at the Ohtawara Board of Education, but I really don't like kyudo. I just don't want to disappoint him by quitting.. but at least I have an excuse this evening... I'm sick.

And what is with the Japanese ability to not understand that someone is unavailable.... I mean ringing the doorbell 30 times? It's a 3-bedroom apartment... if I don't get to you after four rings, I'm either not home, having sex or dead! And the telephone... a gaijin (foreigner) will call and hang-up after seven rings or so... a Nihonjin (Japanese person) will let it ring 20 or 30 times. Granted, they are correct - I am home, but maybe I don't want to be bothered. When I do get calls I ignore, it's because I am sick or boinking a woman—two excellent reasons not to answer the door or telephone. I've never been sick of boinking a woman, though with Kristine here the last few days, I was actually to sick to boink.

Man... I had it all planned out! Right to when she left for home, I had Ashley back. Stupid ice cubes.

The dysentery is taking its toll. I feel lighter, but not skinnier. My stomach is puffing out. I could be a poster boy for starving kids.

I sit and watch videos late into the night while feeling sorry for myself.

Twenty years later, I would just say to 1991 Andrew... "You idiot! You're in Japan!  You've had more sex in 13 months than some people have in a lifetime! Plus a three-way! Plus sex with a stalker! Do you know who has sex with a stalker? A man does! Men are idiots. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and enjoy the day! You're in Japan and the opportunity may never come your way again!"

Of course, my yelling at 1991 Andrew doesn't change the fact that he still has some growing up to do.

It's Thursday, August 22, 1991.

I get up and do some of my puzzle of The Tower of Babel... a 5000 piece one that is being more difficult to do than the one I did of the Universe (all black with little white splotches for stars).

I wish someone would call. You'll notice I don't call anyone. Idiot.

Teh pills Kristine gave me a couple of days ago are only partially working. That means they aren't. As such, I threaten myself into going into work and ask to be taken in to a doctor. But I don't. It's not just a Japanese doctor thing. I never like doctors - period.

"Well, Andrew... what seems to be wrong?
"I don't know. Isn't that your job?"

Here with a language barrier, it's worse. Not only do doctors smoke in hospitals - what is this the 1950s? - but every medicine I have ever received from a hospital comes in a waxy envelope the size of a disposable razor blade... do people in 2011 still know what a disposable razor blade is? HERE.

No one calls, and I don't call anyone. It's literally the first time since arriving in Japan that I don't talk to another human being. I did yell at the dog across the street to shut up - I even yelled it in Japanese! - but he ignored me.

And what about Ashley? Is she still jetlagged? Doesn't she want to see me? What about thanking me for the food? It's okay... Y10,000 (Cdn/US $100) of food is no big deal. That was sarcasm. How do you write sarcasm in print? Italics?

Somewhere with too much time on my hands,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Beatles: I told you I could do them for every mood!: NOZZZZZZZ

Lightning Storm

It's Wednesday, July 24, 1991 and I'm living in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. My friend-with-benefits (and ex-girlfriend) Ashley has gone back to the U.S. for  a short vacation... perhaps to recharge her batteries for yet another year with me.
I'm a tad shell-shocked, too. Since arriving from Toronto about one year ago, I've gone through so much strife - and all of it woman-related... some if it my doing, most of it not.
Now I'm on my own.
Sort of.
I have plenty of friend here in Japan. I know, shocking.
I'm up topday at 9AM. I watch some Japanese television and have no clue what anyone is saying.
The Japanese love samurai dramas. It's akin to U.S. westerns... which despite a relatively short shelf life of maybe 100 years, it spawned 20 years worth of tv shows.... but Japan... the samurai (for more on who and what they are, read THIS), they were a phenomenon for about 250 years in real life... and have been a mainstay of Japanese television or over 50 years.
After lunch I drop by the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office (my bosses) and do some more work for the newcomers arriving in Japan next week.
Tomorrow... and this time I mean it... I'm on vacation.
It's like I've been on vacation for over a week, but I just can't stop and totally relax. It's fine. My goal is to learn something new everyday in Japan. If I haven't, I've wasted the day. I haven't wasted a day here yet.
After finishing up some photocopying of documents, I go grocery shopping and clean up my apartment. Then I go to the back doctor to get rid of all of the pains... I've been seeing great results since I began going here a couple of months ago.
Because there's a lightning storm a-coming, kyudo (Japanese archery) is canceled tonight.... what with the metal arrows and stuff. It was actually canceled DURING my practice. I was holding my arrow, readying my release when a lightning bolt struck a recently fired arrow some 60 meters away.
Deafening, yes but it scared the heck out of me. I didn't yell or scream or anything, but I did quickly drop my arrow from my grip.
Kanemaru-san, one of my two bosses at OBOE and my kyudo-sensei (archery teacher) and good friend... he drives me home and then provides me with some presents.
I have no idea why I'm receiving presents NOW... but it is fast approaching my one-year anniversary here in Japan... and I am going away on a trip soon... or perhaps he just wants to offer me something nice. Why ask why, right?
The presents include: a talisman to ward off evil, and from his 5-year-old son Tomohiro a fugu puffer fish. (Both unfortunately were lost in a house fire I had four+ years ago...).
Kanemaru-san then drives me over to Iseya grocery/department store (where I was earlier today) and then shows me where to buy some spider spray.
I keep whining about all of the spiders on my balcony but keep forgetting to buy some spider spray!
As we arrive back home, the thunder and lightning show is over--Mother Nature has the most awesome television shows.
I head out and rent some videos, including Stephen King's "It". I then step out onto my northern balcony (I also have a western one... not to be confused with a samurai one) and spray the heck out of the 100+ spiders that descent from the ceiling.
I hate spiders.
Matthew comes over and we watch 1/2 of It together. When he leaves, I watch the rest and then some television, flipping channels. Secretly, I enjoy the murder show the best, as I am able to walk out onto my northern balcony at night for the first time ever... and watch the lightning storm flash off in the distance where the mountains are... I can feel the tiny hairs stand up on the back of my neck and I can smell ozone.
And I feel... electric

Somewhere watching reality television,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Flogging Molly: KRACKADOOM!
PS: I really miss that talisman to ward off evil spirits... I sure could have used it these past four+ years...
PPS: Waiting for something to happen? Me too. Don't worry... tomorrow Matthew and I do something fun... I'll combine a few days and then get to the crazy time in my life where I wish I could... well, we should all just wait for that... 

Straight Shooter

It's Wednesday, July 17, 1991. Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

I'm especially tired today after last night's activities with Ashley, my ex-girlfriend with benefits.

While I don't have to go into work today, I do anyways, which surprises everyone at the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) who seems to love my eagerness. I was told yesterday that I have 15 vacation days left and that I should use them immediately, but they re shocked that I would still come into work today.

To be honest, I have some JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme stuff to take care of. I'm preparing some welcome material for the new JET members who will be arriving in Japan at the end of the month. Even if I wasn't a part of the Tochigi-ken welcoming committee, I would have done something like this anyways... don't think I'm such a great guy or anything... my thoughts were it would be easier to meet the new women this way... this way I can be especially helpful, and have them follow me around while I flirt and hit on them with all of my sexual prowess.

For the new women here, I figure they will be lost. Lost because all of the new guys will be looking for Japanese women. That leaves me free to work my magic.

Work is still boring despite my plans for future sex.

After work, I go to kyudo (Japanese archery) with Kanemaru-san (one of my two bosses at the OBOE) and actually shoot at the real target. The larger target used by the junior level archers is missing (??) so I use the smaller real target the more experienced archers use. I also shoot from the proper distance of 60 meters. It's freaking tiny!

I come close a few times, but don't actually hit the target. My elbow and shoulder seems to have healed (I was hit by a car on two separate occasions while riding my bicycle) I actually have strength enough to pull the bowstring back  as far as possible and then hold it for 20 seconds while I correct my breathing before releasing it. It's all very zen.

The biggest problem I'm having with kyudo right now is that when I try to track the target to focus, my eyesight sees double. It's my astigmatism, which has been bad these past couple of months when I look at objects far away.

Still, because I shot at the real target tonight, I'm very excited.

I want to call up Ashley and tell her, but I don't really want her to know for some reason. Maybe it's because I want to catch up to her skill level and surpass her first.

As well... even though we are not back having sex, I don't really want her around. I guess I want my space, too.

Somewhere pulling a rabbit out of my hat,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Mamas And The Papas : CASS 

You're My Best Friend

Wednesday, July 10, 1991.
I'm in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. I have just spent yesterday evening attempting to seduce my ex-girlfriend Ashley. Aside from my breath smelling like her feet, all I got was a quick peck on the lips. I thought it was going to happen—she had even showed up at my apartment, drunk out of her mind... but nope, it just wasn't meant to be.
I am dead on my feet today after about three hours of restless sleep—trying to figure out what I have to do to get her to sleep with me. I had previously floated around the idea that even she didn't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend, we should be friends with benefits.
Now I'm unsure WHEN that term came about, but I was using it 20 years ago when trying to convince her of this crazy scheme... I figured, why not? She trusted me already... and I was good at what I was doing—so why not enjoy the benefits. I was pretty sure that was all I wanted a girlfriend for anyway!
I think.
At Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School) I have three classes to team-teach with a Japanese teacher of English. We play games and have fun and hopefully it encourages them to want to learn more.
I see the music teacher here—she's a few years older than me (maybe 46 to my 26?) with very white skin, and she's very attractive in a 'cougar'/Summer of '42 sort of way. We're friends, but I'd like the benefit of the doubt that she likes me in a Mrs. Robinson way that will make me graduate to older women.
Whew! That was a log of cunning lingo in that last paragraph.
I spend my lunch hour chasing the kids around the classroom having fun, but it is 28 Celsius and I do get quite hot and sweaty.  
I'm home from school at 3:30PM because the teachers have a meeting, so I head over to my back doctor early. Inside, I find him asleep on a table, so I leave him alone for another 10 minutes, before purposely making some noise to let him know that there is some one out in the waiting room (me).
Having electrical stimuli on my neck and back loosens up the muscles making my joints easier to manipulate back into place. It feels good.
You know that crap that chiropractor's all over the world tell you when you ask how often you should see them: three times a week (for a few weeks) then twice a week; then once a week; once every two weeks and then once a month? Well... in my case it was excellent advice, because it worked. I used to have terrible back pain upon arriving in Japan—and even wore a velcro corset to hold myself more erect— and now I don't because I have no  more pain. Pure and simple. 
I go home and clean up a bit and wait for one of my two bosses from the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education)—Kanemaru-san to arrive for the chili dinner I was cooking for him.
When he comes we have a couple of beers, watch some sumo on television and then go for my kyudo (Japanese archery) lesson. I am just awful today. Forget about hitting a target, I can't even hit a non-target.
I'm unable to pull my elbow back far enough to get enough power on the shot, so everything is low.
My first practice shot I go completely wild from eight-feet out.
My second shot nearly takes my own face off—never stick your head through the bow.
But I do get a bit better; enough for Kanemaru-san to suggest I try shooting at the real target some 60 meters away. But, since the big target is broken, I shoot at a smaller one from the same long distance. I can barely see it thanks to my astigmatism, but I know it's down there.
My first shot goes into the grass.
My second shot isn't much better.
My third shot almost makes it down to the target.
My fourth shot—I missed it by a couple of centimeters! I was just a tad too low.
Every time I shoot, though, I see two targets. My eyes are really bothering me today—lack of sleep I hope.
My next two shots hit the target... just not mine.
On the plus side, I didn't kill anyone.
After we're done, Kanemaru-san and I head back to my place to eat dinner. While it's heating up, we each polish off two more beers causing him to go downstairs to get six more. 
We feast! I think it's pretty good, but he does say I can make it a little hotter for him next time. Great! I did dumb it down on the heat level because I wasn't sure if he could take it or not. As well, he says he will take me to a curry house on Friday to burn my "innards out for good." I swear that's what his Japanese-English dictionary translated for us word by word.

How strange this all is.
When I first arrived in Japan, I thought Kanemaru-san was cold and distant and that he didn't like me.. and on, no... I had to spend a year here? I didn't know it was because he couldn't speak English.
Now... he's one of my best friends here. We can communicate!

How strange this all is.
When nowadays I have to try and seduce Ashley via alcohol to make her amorous towards me.

Life is good.
Life sucks.

Matthew and his girlfriend Takako come over with his cute red-headed sister Krystina who's over from the U.S. visiting. They take an extra futon and some bedding material. I wonder if they knew I was wasted.

Oh... and farmer Suzuki Tokunori (family name first) at who's party I was at on Sunday, he comes over and drops off a National Geographic magazine for me and a video tape of the 1991 All Star baseball game that was held in my hometown of Toronto.

It's weird how some days I just can't believe I'm in Japan.

Somewhere wondering how the heck Kanemaru-san drove home,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by: Queen: BENEFITS

PS: Okay... he didn't drive home drunk. He called his wife (they live maybe 30 minutes away) and she came and dragged his drunk butt home.

Laugh, Laugh

(Dictionary: 'san' means: Mister, Monsieur, Miss, Mrs or even Ms. 'sensei' means teacher.) 
I don't want to get up today even though I've set the alarm a half-hour later than usual. Still, I don't leave my bed for another 30 minutes.
It's Friday, July 5, 1991 and I feel emotionally tired. The Junko saga has really wiped me out.
How can I even tell anyone what's gone on? It's going to be 20 years before I'll feel comfortable enough to talk about this with anyone.
Still... when I go into the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) office for my 'office day', everyone treats me likes it's just another day and that they are super glad to see me again. I like that.
Kanemaru-san comes over quickly with his Japanese-English dictionary in hand which prompts to automatically reach for my English-Japanese dictionary. But either he's been practicing English with someone else, or I'm a better English teacher than I realized.
"An-do-ryu sensei want to go to (pause to look up a word) individual kyudo contesto on July 19?"
In two weeks? I choke on some phlegm and laugh because I'm still not good enough. I still haven't hit a target and I need to practice a lot more. Still, my laugh feels good and real. Aside from laughing maniacally to myself at all of the great sex I had been having with Junko, I haven't laughed much in a couple of months. Actually, since I had been having frequent sex with Junko, I guess I had been laughing often.
Hanazaki-san talks to me in English knowing that no one else in the office will understand us.
"An-do-ryu sensei... we took Junko back to her mother's house in Utsunomiya. She told us that you are in love with her and that you made her drop out of university because you said you would marry her."
I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing. Actually, I did yell: "She's lying!" and slammed my hand on the desk in front of me."
To their credit, no one looked shocked. In fact... no one looked up from their desk. Crap. They all know what's going on. They just don't want to embarrass me.
Hanazaki-san continued: "Yes. We know. We realized there was something wrong with her on her first day at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) - that was the day you first met."
We did meet that day - she was a university student on a one-week internship at this school, one of seven I teach at here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken (Ohtawara City, Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.
"How did you know?" I asked slowly.
"At school lunch that day, we know that miso soup was one of the dishes. According to our sources, Junko said she didn't want to use Japanese chopsticks and instead asked for a spoon. Now that's crazy."
I looked at him for about six seconds, opened my mouth to say something. Closed it and then looked at the twinkle in Hanazaki-san's eyes.
"Jodan! (Joke!)," I screamed and laughed in a roar.
And the whole damn OBOE office began laughing with me.

I'll continue this day in another blog. It involves me being followed by a Japanese woman and sleeping with another woman.

Somewhere I love my board of education office,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is inspired by the Beau Brummels: HAHA. The group is American - which surprised me. The song was produced by Sylvester Stewart, who would later grown into mega-fame as Sly Stone: you know, of Sly & The Family Stone back in the 1960s??! Huh? Huh? Ahhh forget it. I must be old.

Obsession

It's Wednesday, July 2, 1991.
Junko remains my dirty little secret.
She spent the night. We don't sleep. She's either quit university or she's taken an unscheduled break to stalk me. Are you supposed to sleep with someone who stalks you?
Apparently you do if they look like Junko - I still haven't had time to take a photograph of her, as we tend to get right down to business as soon as she enters my apartment. I notice stuff like that.
Anyhow... here's are the particulars: She's 21 years-old, a Cancer (no kidding - a perfect match for me the Scorpio!), AB Negative blood like myself, 5'-4" and slender, but has curves in all the right places, and at about 110-pounds - even I can pick her up. She's a B-cup, but honestly, I've never cared about that. She's very smart, has a good sense of humour, is a sharp, stylish dresser without looking like a freak in a fashion show... in short, she's the type of woman any heterosexual guy is going to stop and eye-hump, and every woman is going to either admire or hate.
Me? I'm sure if anyone ever saw me with her they would be wondering if I'm hung like a pony or if I'm rich.
Since I'm neither - I'm not rich and I'm not poor - and like most people wish I had more - she must be into me for my semi-dazzling looks and fantastic sense of humour. I can often come across as being the John Holmes of wit.... which doesn't explain why all we do is have sex... but I do have a very large wit.
Hee-hee! Sometimes I can't believe my luck. Here's this gorgeous university student chasing after me. Her English is superb, and she's beautiful. I know, I said that... but it bears repeating.
She's just what I need after spending a frustrating night with Ashley. Frustrating because there was no sex involved with my ex-girlfriend.... which considering Junko seems to know where I am and with whom, it was probably a good thing that nothing happened between Ashley and myself last night.
Cripes! Can you imagine?! Junko probably would have swooped in and beat the crap out of her with a kendo stick (wooden Japanese fencing sword). She's like a ninja - always where you least expect her, ready to pounce. Except... Junko and I broke up because she was going back to school.
Of course... I broke up with Ashley, but that didn't seem to matter until she broke up with me three days later.
Do I dare wait until Junko breaks up with me? 

So... do I stick with someone who is a jealous sexual psychopath or try and get back with Ashley who only likes me as a friend right now? Or simply go it alone? There's always Kristine 500 kilometres away... but as much as I adore her, I'd rather not just have sex - I want a relationship!
Anyhow... the answer is obvious - the sexual psychopath. I really, really, really enjoy the sex. Okay, forget that part about my reasons for not seeing Kristine. I'm really pretty much a horn dog.
Convenience over sanity seems to be my mantra.

However... despite the fringe benefits of being with Junko in a very draining relationship, I do worry that this girl may be throwing away her entire life for me. Sex is fine, but we've not been out together further than the walls of my apartment here in Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.
Surely a woman this gorgeous, sexual and sexually-active has had other boyfriends? I wonder where she dumped the bodies?
Unless, I'm the only one she's ever been like this to? My ego says that's the case, but I have a bad habit of being rational (I know, I know), and realize this 'relationship' is going to be a problem.
For one thing, I don't sleep any more. That's going to affect my work, not to mention my ability to manufacture semen. Probably not, but the work thing is important.
While it's true my reason for life was to get laid - and Japan fulfilled that... but I've discovered there is more to life than that, and I'm afraid Junko is not going to let me experience anything outside of my apartment... although we are up to Page 47 of the Kama Sutra.
I need to figure out what to do. Eventually...
Junko dehydrates me. Which is both good and bad and leaves at 7:45AM.
I have 15 minutes to dress and get to Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) by 8AM - a fortunate 10 minute bicycle ride away.
It seems that no matter how much cologne I put on, I still smell Junko. Combine that with my permanent-grin, people are going to know what I've up to.
It's chilly today, but there's never enough wind to blow away the smell of sex, is there?
I don't have many classes to teach - just two - and are both with Shibata-sensei - so the classes are fun. I do three crosswords in 30 minutes between classes. Even though I washed my face when I got to school - and twice more after that, I can still smell sex. Is it on my clothes? In my nose? Maybe.  
In class, after Shibata-sensei gives the students back their results, we play Word Scramble with these third year (grade 9) students. I provide Canadian pennies as presents. Cheap yes, but none have ever seen one before, so it's a 'cool' prize for them.
Shibata-sensei quietly smiles and pats me on the back as he says: "You smell very pretty. Anyone I know?" Then he bursts out laughing, mouthing the word "Junko". I nod in pride and embarrassment.
Not surprisingly, my neck and back are killing me. Damn Kama Sutra positions #43 through #47!I go to my back doctor and then await Kanemaru-san to pick me up and take me to the Ohtawara kyudo (archery) club. I shoot like a guy who's shot a lot - tired. Junko.
I'm wearing shorts and am bitten by a lot of mosquitoes - because I am bug bait. Insects love my tasty Coca-Cola filled blood.
On the plus side, Kanemaru-san just so happens to have some anti-itching medicine that while smelly, works. I wonder if he has an anti-Junko cream - but I don't ask or tell him about Junko.
At home, I talk with MariAnn for awhile - she's feeling better about life (thank goodness). I then talk with Jeanne - a fellow JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Program teacher like MariAnn and myself and find out about some Utsunomiya-shi (City of Utsunomiya party). She's a nice, but dry, French-Canadian who lives in the same low-level apartment block as Ashley. They are both private people, so my inquiries into Ashley's business reveal nothing new - just that she seems more withdrawn than usual - if that is possible.
That's the thing about Jeanne. You think she's dry and then she drops witty and wry observations like that.
I talk on the phone with them while watching some videos from back home in Toronto and eat burned popcorn (stupid microwave).
Matthew comes over at 10PM - because that's what he does... probably figures I'm depressed and likes to check up on me. It's appreciated.
I don't tell him about Junko either, because I'm embarrassed that I'm still chasing or pining after Ashley when I have this hot Japanese babe throwing herself at me.
We watch Blade Runner and he leaves around 12AM. As usual, he brings snacks and beer and Coca-Cola. He knows me.  
Thirty seconds after he leaves, my doorbell rings. You know who it is before I do, don't you? It's Junko.
I'm going to die from dehydration and lack of sleep.

Somewhere dying with a smile on my face,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Animotion. I always loved this song for its really cool keyboards... but I never paid much attention to the lyrics until I wrote this blog. I think I am Junko's OBSESSION. I had never seen the video before!
PS:
Lyrics are below:
You are an obsession, I cannot sleep
I am a possession unopened at your feet
There is no balance, no equality
Be still I will not accept defeat

I will have you, yes I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly
I will collect you and capture you

(CHORUS)
You are an obsession, you're my obsession
Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me
[repeat]

I feed you, I drink you by day and by night
I need you, I need you by sun or candlelight
You protest, you want to leave
You say there's no alternative

Your face appears again, I see the beauty there
But I see danger, stranger beware
A circumstance in your naked dreams
Your affection is not what it seems

(CHORUS)
My fantasy has turned to madness
All my goodness has turned to badness
My need to possess you has consumed my soul
My life is trembling, I have no control

I will have you, yes I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly
I will collect you and capture you

(CHORUS [repeat to fade])