Back In The Saddle

Airports... I hate'em.

I've been in Thailand and Tokyo without my sunglasses for an entire week now. People who know me realize that's not something I am happy with. It was probably because when I left Japan it was raining.

Thailand while drizzling rain, was quite bright.

I've worn sunglasses atop my face since I switched from photo-grey sunglasses (that get darker when the sun gets brighter) to wearing contact lenses when I was 17.

But, even without sunglasses, I met and 'dated' two Thai women with looks that would make anyone's head spin in amazement. Amazement that they were with me, I suppose. Hey.... I have a very large... what's that "p-word"? Oh yeah... personality. Plus I'm hung like a donkey. I'm kidding. I'm such an ass.

Mom and I get a chauffeur-driven limo ride from our Bangkok hotel to the airport.

I should mention that there were quite a few young ladies there at the hotel to see me off. Waving and giggling. Boon-mee and Tookta were there too. It was quite the nice send-off. I didn't know the other women, but I did recognize most as being staff from the hotel.

I'm just going to assume they didn't provide a send-off like this to everyone. It even made my mom wonder aloud to me if I had actually slept with all of those women. I wish... but I didn't have enough time or condoms or fluid in the five days here.

Despite me meeting my mom here in Bangkok, it did not get in my way at all, sexually. I should point out that I was supposed to go to Thailand in December with Ashley... but after she broke up with me, our plans went down the toilet. After we got back together again six days later, all of the flights were miraculously booked up... so WE were out of luck.

Ashley, however, had made arrangements to go to Thailand with some of the other female assistant English teachers from the Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. It's probably why I hate quite a few of them. They got Ashley a ticket.

On the negative side... I didn't get to go anywhere last winter...

On the plus side... I stayed and experienced Christmas and New Year's Eve and Day in Japan! Awesome! HERE have a read. I spent it with Matthew - my most excellent friend from Binghamton, who lives in my hometown of Ohtawra-shi in Japan. Plus his boss, Suzuki-sensei (Suzuki teacher) and my friend Kanemaru-san (Mr. Kanemaru) and his family. Kanemaru-san is one of my bosses with the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE).

On the plus + plus side... I went to Thailand and hung out with two sexually-charged young women who showed me and themselves the time of their lives! I sure as heck would not have experienced that if I was with Ashley... at least I don't think so. Hmmm.

On the plane, we experience some wicked turbulence. The food is still plane food - crap. And the movie? It's the same one I saw coming to Thailand! L.A. Story (?!) At least I see the title this time!

At Japan's Narita Airport, it's now 7PM. At Japan Customs, they confiscatemy Thai sword. It's not like it's sharp! Why confiscate it? I can buy a longer and more dangerous Japanese sword here! Jerks. No one can speak English.

Apparently I can pick it up within six months when I leave the country... but I'm not leaving! No one understands that! Oh well... the police have it now. Forget about the fact that I actually carried it with me on my carry-on luggage on theplane! Man.. things were different then, eh?

Customs searches my Mom's stuff and confiscate my passport for an hour, beforefinally giving it back and letting us go on our way. Who knew a sword was a dangerous weapon? I'm such an idiot sometimes.

We grab a Skyliner back to Ueno-eki (Ueno train station) in downtown Tokyo. It's now pouring rain.

We catch the second-last Shinkansen (bullet train) up to Nasushiobara-eki (Nasushiobara train station). Unfortunately, we have to go two stopssouth on the local train line to get to Nishiansuno-machi (NishinasunoTown)... before catching a bus to my city of Ohtawara.

Unfortunately, at Nasushiobara, there are no more local trains going that evening, so we take a long and expensive taxi ride back to my apartment. We arrive at 11:30PM.

My mom cooks up a few eggs for us, but unfortunately... I now have dysentery, courtesy of a few ice cubes in my Coke in Thailand. I guess it could have been worse... it could have been hepatitis!

Somewhere, the King of Ohtawara is back on his throne,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Aerosmith: I'M BAAACCCCK!!

Follow-up To Crane Accident

Hi all...
Here's a follow-up to a story that happened in Japan back in April of 2011.

You can read the whole story HERE. ON April 18, 2011, six children were run over and killed by a crane. At the time, we were all wondering what the heck was wrong with the driver--was it medication, alcohol, mental illness?

Well, turns out the poor driver has a history of epilepsy, and had a seizure while driving the crane... which is why he was slumped over and had no control.

Regardless of his medical condition, the driver has been charged with negligent homicide in the deaths of the children.

From files compiled by Andrew Joseph

Arrest in Biggest Japan Robbery

On June 1, 2011, Ueki Hideaki (surname first), 31, was arrested, while Watanabe Yutaka, 41, was placed on a nationwide wanted list in connection with lastmonth's theft of about ¥600 million (Cdn/US $7.3 million), the nation's biggest-ever cashrobbery.

The Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department apprehended Ueki, on suspicion of breaking into asecurity company office in Tachikawa (western Tokyo), on May 12, 2011 and injuring a security guard and stealing the money. His accomplice Watanabe iswanted on the same charges--burglary, inflicting injury and unlawfulentry into a building.

What is known, is that the duo contacted people with links to a crime syndicate (a Yakuza family) by phone before and after the robbery, as it is felt the two suspects were being instructed by gang members who concocted thecrime.

On May 12, Ueki and Watanabe broke into the officeof Nichigetsu Keibi Hosho through a small unlocked window just after 3AM--the lock on the waist-high window had been broken for at least six months.

The two slashed a 36-year-old security guard in the chest while he wassleeping on a sofa, bound his wrists with adhesive tape and made offwith about ¥604 million.

The guard was seriously injured (and may have woken up - sorry, I couldn't resist).

Ueki and Watanabe were spotted on surveillance camerasnear the crime site and were also seen purchasing duct tape at a convenience store in Hachioji, Tokyo, before the robbery. Ueki was arrested at his parents' home in Hino, Tokyo, shortlyafter May 31at 12 AM.

The security firm was keeping a larger amount of cash than usualbecause more money was to be transported to post offices in the Tamaarea for the weekend.

The suspects fled with approximately 70 bags filled with cash. (It is not know if the bags contained this symbol on the outside: ¥. The thieves spent five minutes moving the money from a room used as a vault to their own vehicle.

Because of the  broken lock on their way in, police suspect that the thieves knew details of the office and the money stored there, but neither had ever worked for the company in any capacity.

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph

Car Crashes into Tochigi Police Station

On April 27, 2011, a man drove his car into a police station in Oyama-shi (Oyama City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) - but died hours later during questioning.

Okunuki Takafumi (surname first), 32, was shirtless and screaming as he drove his car (probably white) through the g;ass front door of the police station at 1:25PM. While the automatic front doors at the station's entrance were badly damaged, police said only a 77-year-old man was hurt with a cut finger from falling glass. 

Tochigi Police quickly arrested Okunuki at the scene,  and were questioning him when he collapsed into consciousness. Okunuki was taken to hospital and pronounced dead at 5:35PM.

While an autopsy will be performed to determine the exact cause of death, Tochigi police are adamant that there were no irregularities or problems during their questioning of Okukini and that at no time was he ever put at risk.

Andrew Joseph
(Blog Note: Now... I'm not an expert, but I do I play one in this blog, but I'm guessing that if some shirtless guy is screaming ('Banzai' or 'Tora-tora-tora' perhaps?) and drives into a police station in the middle of the day... I'm guessing there is something wrong.
Even if we were to discount any possible mental anguish suffered by Okunuki caused by some chemical imbalance, grief, drug or alcohol, the guy did drive through a building. Perhaps he hit his head on the steering wheel. It's possible he had a hidden injury... he should still have been taken to a hospital as a precaution.
Now... another factor to consider... if I'm a police officer and someone may have shown disdain for my job and my building - I'm going to be quite angry. Is it possible that someone bounced his head off a table once or twice? Could he have been given any stomach punches with the old-telephone book in the way to avoid bruising. Could the police have roughed him up despite saying they didn't do anything?  Sure. We're not naive enough to think that's not a possibility.
Isn't Japan the 'polite' country? Yes. But this was an assault on a police station. No police officer anywhere likes being attacked - if that's what it was. Perhaps in whatever state the victim was, it caused him to lose control and plow into a police station by accident.
It's possible he lost control while trying to remove his shirt. He could have been screaming as he plowed into the building. Who hasn't done that?
Does anyone think there will be any follow-up data on this one? Nope. Unless we find out Okunuki's anguish is caused by something to do with the tsunami, earthquake or the radiation fallout.
PS: Banzai = Japanese war cry meaning: 10,000 years. Bonsai  = tree dwarfing through bondage.
 You can read about my exploits with tree bondage HERE.
PPS: Tora-tora-tora = attack-attack-attack! It actually means 'tiger' a code name for the torpedo attack on Pearl Harbor.

Search For Victims Continues

The search continues for victims of the quake and tsunami that rocked the north east coast of Japan over a month ago on March 11, 2011.


A total of 24,800 soldiers have begun their third body recovery operation on April 25, 2011 - and will do so for two full days by land and sea.

With over 14,300 people confirmed dead and an additional 11,900 people still missing, the task force has found an additional 38 bodies by night time of the first day.

The soldiers, along with 100 divers, 50 boats, 90 planes andhelicopters will join together with the Japanese police and coast guardand some U.S. troops in this, the third such intensive military searchfor survivors/bodies.

The first major sweep undertaken weeks ago found 339 bodies, while the second uncovered 99 additional victims.  

This blog will get you a final tally of this third search as soon as the numbers are made available.


Andrew Joseph

Third Military Search For Bodies

With some 12,000 people still missing and presumed dead after the March 11, 2011 9.0 Magnitude earthquake and 10-metre (30-foot) high tsunami that devastated the northeast coast of Japan, the Japanese government is sending in the troops.

A total of 24,800 soldiers will search for bodies by land and by sea over a two-day period beginning April 25, 2011 - looking through the rubble and searching the waters in a 20-kilometre radius in an effort to recover the bodies for bereaved families.

The soldiers, along with 100 divers, 50 boats, 90 planes and helicopters will join together with the Japanese police and coast guard and some U.S. troops in this, the third such intensive military search for survivors/bodies - as this time the waters have begun to recede further, so the recovery of bodies may be more successful.

Andrew Joseph

Giving The Dog A Bone

I'm bone-tired today, but I'm still thinking about Japan for us...

I don't know if any of you saw the small piece done up by Reuters, that appeared in the Reuters Life! section, on Friday November 19, 2010 and again in 24HR, a weekday newspaper available in Toronto on Monday, November 22, 2010, but I thought you'd get a kick out of it, so I'm passing it along.

This is how it appears in Reuters:

Japan's newest police dog -- all 3 kg (6.6 lb) of her.
In what is a first for Japan and perhaps the world, a long-haired Chihuahua named "Momo" -- "Peach" -- passed exams to become a police dog in the western Japanese prefecture of Nara.
The brown-and-white, perky Momo was one of 32 successful candidates out of 70 dogs, passing a search and rescue test by finding a person in five minutes after merely sniffing their cap.
"Any breed of dog can be entered to become a police dog in the search and rescue division," said a Nara police spokesman.
But he admitted that news a Chihuahua had been entered may still come as a surprise to many.
"It's quite unusual," he said.
Television footage showed the 7-year-old Momo bounding across grass or sitting proudly, long hair blowing in the breeze.
Momo will be used for rescue operations in case of disasters such as earthquakes, in the hope that she may be able to squeeze her tiny frame into places too narrow for more usual rescue dogs, which tend to be German Shepherds.
The public response to the news of Momo's selection took police by surprise, the spokesman said, adding: "The phone's been ringing all afternoon."
(Reporting by Elaine Lies; editing by Paul Casciato

Pretty cool, huh? I never saw a chihuahua while in Japan, but I would be naive to assume they weren't there. But a chihuahua as a police dog? I know space is at a premium in many Japanese cities (especially Tokyo), but I never would have thought about utilizing a toy dog in the police force. 

I just have this mental image of chihuahua's shivering in the 30C cold because they are always cold... or sitting in some celebutante's (my made-up word - I think - celebrity and debutante) handbag or purse!

I'm getting more upset at my chocolate labrador Buster as I write this. Still... despite me having written negative things about dogs in Japan, I would have loved to have had one... but, of course, it wouldn't have been fair to the critter when it was time for me to leave.

Actually... I never thought about getting a dog while there - or a cat (though I did have one for a bit), and just stuck with goldfish - figuring it was easier to get rid of the evidence should they, you know, accidentally die while I was around.

I know the Japanese have been famous for taking existing technology and making it smaller, but this chihuahua police dog takes the cake - no, wait... my dog Buster just snatched it from its maw.

Somewhere in the peach pits,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is brought to you by AC/DC: GIVING THE DOG A BONE
The photo was scanned from 24HR

Welcome To My Nightmare

Since tonight is Halloween here in the West, I thought I'd share with you a  a bit about wonderful Halloween party held in Japan back in 1993.
A quick perusal of Internet stories about Halloween in Japan state that it's a pretty recent phenomenon. It's true. I think us JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme folks brought it over with us. I'm not claiming we were the first to hold a Halloween party in Japan. But we may have been one of the first to get a lot of young Japanese adults involved.
What is Halloween? Take a look HERE.
My buddy James Jimmy Jive Dalton held a Halloween Party at his tiny little apartment. I don't believe any of the other AETs (Assistant English Teachers) from my neck of the woods made it down, but but I sure as heck did. Jimmy Jive was a very funny guy who could fart on command. Really. No stinky or anything, but a simple fart. He also taught me how to pretend to walk into a pole (making the smacking sound) and then how to stagger about in a daze while women rushed to your aid. He was a true showman.
For some reason at Jimmy Jive's high school,m he was able to convince some of his teachers to join him. As well, a lot of other AETs managed to find dates - and not just with each other - but rather, they brought Japanese folks!
The way I figure it, if the Japanese are interested enough to date a gaijin (foreigner/outsider), then they are probably interested enough to learn about one of our stupid traditions - dressing up and trying to scare people into giving you candy to go away.
So... you want to know what I dressed up as? A Japanese school girl. It probably says more about me than any word I've ever written in these 200+ blog entries. But, like all things mentioned here, don't read too much into it.
My costume had a blouse top, Catholic school girl like skirt, one-size-fits-all-gaijin orange fishnet stockings--okay, right there I'm thinking I've dressed up to look more like a Japanese porno actress rather than a student.  look more like - plus I got a pair of high heels, from a lady friend of mine. I didn't have a wig, but with my hair getting long, I did put my hair in pig tails. Oh... I also had on some fire engine red lipstick.
I was not going to get laid tonight. Onani? See HERE.

Still, ever fearless, or perhaps just wanting to see what sort of reaction I would get, I dressed up, left my apartment wearing a trench coat, rode my bike to the train station and then rode the train down 45 minutes south to Jimmy Jive's place.
Arriving in his home town (I can't remember the name!), I was stopped by a local policeman. He asked in broken English where I was going. I said: "James Dalton-san's".
He replied. "Ah, wakata! Dalton-sensei, chotto bakka. (Oh, I see! Dalton-teacher is kindda stupid."
He said bai-bai and walked away.
The party was great I think. Lots to drink, lots of snacks to eat. Lots of blurry people to talk and have fun with. And... we had lots of local Japanese people dressed up in costume - A splendid time was had by all. And the police only had to come twice to ask us to... I'm assuming turn down the music... I mean, everyone was too drunk to understand what he was saying.
You know what the scary part was? Excluding the Japanese natives, I had been in Japan the longest (27 months) and actually knew what the police were saying.
Want to see some photos? Click HERE.

Somewhere Halloween is NOT the drag it used to be,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Alice Cooper. He's still cool. You will have to crank up the sound, but it's the original video: KACHINA (Alice's pet boa constrictor).

Windy

You may have noticed specifically in the past two blogs that I have made a few innocuous comments regarding women and their place in Japan - like the chick car comment or the men not knowing how to cook thing. It's not MY opinion... it's the way things are in Japan. Very chauvinistic. And while I do indeed play along at first so the men know I'm one of them, eventually I'm so well liked and respected in country that when I begin attempting to correct such piggish behaviour I actually get a few men to listen. 'Nuff said.

So... it's Tuesday, August 28th, 1990. I have yet to begin teaching and spend my weekdays at the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) offices writing letters and studying Japanese - alphabets and conversation. I suck at both, but I'm going to give it a shot.
At 9:30AM, Hanazaki-san says to me: "C'mon Andrew. Let's go to Samurai World." What? Ah, a joke. Samurai World is his pet name for a museum.
I'm not sure why but we stop off first at the International Centre near the bicycle shop and bicycle path. Then we go to see Hashimoto-san - the owner of Hashimoto Tile Co. and the Tochigi Marble Co. His wife runs the International Centre.
At the Tile Co. we sit and look at a marble tray and ashtray and at a Chinese painting created out of marble bathroom tile. It's about six feet wide and three feet high and it looks like it weighs a ton... but it is mesmerizing.
Next we drive over to a tiny polize station (about the size of a TARDIS - exterior, of course) - it's about 50 feet to the left of the Yoichi Nasu statue (Yoichi Nasu is THE hero of Ohtawara who favoured kyudo (archery), which is why it was important for me to learn kyudo - I knew I'd never learn enough Japanese language, but I figured I should learn as much of the history and culture as possible) which is three minutes south west from my apartment. In the Tardis, I mean police station I give the lone officer there my name, address, country born ni , Toronto address and telephone number in Ohtawara and am told that should I ever find myself in trouble to make my way here.
From here we travel one street further west to the Tochigi Board of Education (Ohtawara Branch) where Jeanne Mance Blanc from Sherbrooke, Quebec works. She is an AET on the JET Programme too, and while she lives in an apartment above Ashley, we haven't spoken too much to each other. Still, I give her a big wink and am introduced to her office. While Hanazaki-san picks up the OBOE mail, Jeanne says she'll talk to me later. She was correct. It was later (much) and I do believe we did talk. We never talk. But that's okay. I'm too immature for her, I'm sure.
We then travel to Samurai World - aka Basho-no Sato Museum. I thought it was close by to Ohtawara - well, it IS in Ohtawara but it's not in the city.  I think. Just so you get an idea of how spread out Ohtawara is, we drove for 30 minutes along windy (not wind-dee, but whine-dee) roads up hills and down valleys and tree-lined roads the size of a bike path. Crossing a bridge and turning right we head up a steep hill  where the trees are all spruce and pine.
Okay, we're actually in Kurubane Village (which joined Ohtawara City on October 1, 2005). Under the bridge we passed is the Nake Gawa (Nake River), where I spy the bamboo method for catching AYU (Japanese sweetfish) by fishermen using 6-foot long poles. I'm told the bamboo is called yana.
As we walk up a small incline (40 metres) from where we parked, I see a tour bus parked on the right and the bus driver on the left three feet from the road. It's 11AM and broad daylight and he has his left hand on his hip and his right hand holding himself while he takes a leak. No shame.
Yes, I'm being judgmental - but remember - this is still my first month here. I will learn to urinate in public.
This whole area is a compound where samurai warriors ate, slept, practiced and gardened. I'm guessing because there are no samurai anymore. As we enter the facility, I get a booklet in English describing the museum. Apparently its a place to honour the great Japanese poet Basho who traveled all over Japan writing haiku (a three-lined poem where the first and third line have a total of five syllables and the second line has seven - it's economy at its best).
I like haiku and became quite proficient at it. I'm not saying they're great - just that I was proficient. I did write one a few years later that helped me get a Japanese girlfriend - but you're gonna have to wait before I reveal all of that. I'll include THAT poem later, as I'm actually quite proud of it.  
Here's a couple of examples of haiku (and titles) that I wrote when I got home from today's trip:

Kendo
"wooden stick flashes
replaced by enduring pain
kendo can be fun"

Meji jidai
"Government watching
Ronin wander alleyways
Edo age over"

The Single Guy
"The green milk from hell
Looks lumpy and cancerous
but it tastes just fine"

Trying To Drink Alone
"Smoke blows in my face
Whiskey Sour ice cubes swirl
They practice English"

Mustard
"Fire engines roar
Bowels begin to constrict
Wasabi is hot"

I'll continue with more of this day's adventure next time.

Somewhere time-tripping,

Andrew Joseph

Title sung by The Association - BEWARE, this song is addictive!
PS - The photo above shows a statue of Basho on horse with his poor retainer who had to walk. This photo was taken by myself six months later, as I did NOT have a camera with me today as it was all a surprise trip by Hanazaki-san. Great guy, but I wish I had my camera!