Do You Wanna Dance?

I actually had a headline in my diary of: Dancing, drinking, dining and ? So, I'm going to use it in my opening line.

It's Sunday, September 15, 1991 here in lovely Ohtawara City, Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan. It's a pity I'm not going to be here much today.

I get up at 9:29AM - exactly one minute before Ashley phones to wake me up. I would have killed her if she had. You know what I mean... you are always ticked off when someone else wakes you up.

Matthew comes over 20 minutes later, and we ride over to Nishinasuno-eki (Nishinasuno train station) and the ride the rails down to the Tochigi capital city of Utsunomiya.

We are supposed to participate in some cultural even with other assistant English teachers (AETs) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme - international dancing.

I'm pretty sure Matthew is like me - what the hell? Dancing? But, when asked, we have always done our duty while here in Japan. Always. We might occasionally whine about it to each other, but we are always there front and center whenever cultural barriers need to be fortified or broken down.

We don't ride down with Ashley - she must have got on the train before us. Matthew and I take an Express Train to the city, as we missed an earlier one by four minutes. Arriving, we are early and go to the local Robinson's department store and play some video games at their arcade.

I can't remember the name of the game, but the object is to shoot at any alien that moves. Is there a game called Area 51 where you use a hand held gun? When we finish, we both feel like we need to kill someone or something. It was that intense. So, with that in mind, we head over to the dance-thing and proceed to kill the afternoon.

At a Prefectural board room, we practice dancing some of the usual cultural dances that everybody does back in Canada and the United States: The Hawaiian Hula; France's Can-Can; and some redneck line dance which is supposed to represent Canada. Geez... I have watched all of these dances before... but does anybody really want to watch a guy with hairy legs kick up his heels and do the Can-Can? I'm not wearing underwear today! Watch out first row! You know I'm going to be front and center on the stage! Ego? Maybe... But, I also know that is where they will put me.

Fellow AET Alan Broomhead wonders aloud why we are doing this dance stuff when we should be trying to break down the cultural stereotypes. Man... when you are right, Alan, you are right. I need a beer.

During the dances, I am indeed front and center in the show. I think I need to stop answering my phone so I don't get roped into these things. Dancing. Yeesh.

When it's all over (man, I can't dance for beans), Matthew and I, as the more mature people, lead the other AETs to a Japanese fast food place. Okay, Matthew and I aren't really leaders or all that mature... we are just the ones who have been here the longest - though Ashley, who has also been here nearly 14 months, was merely a dance spectator and didn't seem to mind that others - Matthew & I  - were in the spotlight. To be honest, I think Ashley always hates being in the spotlight... and being with me as my boyfriend in Japan was always putting her in some sort of spotlight - probably another reason not to be my boyfriend. I mean... who wants a boyfriend that breaks into a closed pottery museum or gets drunk and wakes up within a previously-locked taxidermy exhibit of a forest scene? Apparently a lot of women, according to the notches on my bedpost... just not the girl I wanted.

More on the spotlight... I wasn't famous... or infamous... I was just the guy with the big mouth and the great big grin that made the Japanese feel at ease. Matthew was like that too - just not as loud or brash as myself. I think he made the more upper-crust and middle-class people at ease, while I handled the lower to middle-class with my bold and daring manner. Matthew, of course, could be every bit the goofball I was, but just chose to show it in small doses. Does that sound right... or even fair, Matthew?

At the restaurant area of Utsunomiya... Matthew and I lead a bunch of people to a Japanese fast food place, while others opt for the next-door pizza place - as they may have been homesick from some gaijin (foreigner) junk food cooking. Personally, I can tolerate it, but Japanese pizzerias aren't the same as the fare back home in Toronto... just like a Chicago pizza is miles apart from a New York-style, etcetera.

We have some great food - and get the gang with us to try Japanese food they have not yet had. We chat with the friendly chef - in English... though Matthew was equally happy to speak to him in Japanese!

Finished, we meet up with the pizza people and lead them over to the Robinson's department store - where some western-style products could be purchased for a premium.

I have Ashley stick close to me because I want her to purchase some make-up for me to cover-up these dark rings around my eyes... but 9000 yen ($90)? Forget it! I'll try and get more sleep.

We then go for a drink or two at the Mexi Restaurant, where one or two drinks actually means seven beers. Ashley has five Tequila Sunrises!

I'm my usual demure self - wild and unruly, and hopefully funny. It's always been my opinion that when I get drunk, I just get louder and not more obnoxious.

When it becomes obvious that my unruliness outweighs any possible charm I possess, Ashley takes me by the hand says good night for me and leads me home.

On the way, I tell her I love her - as a friend... which makes her cry.

We ride our bicycles back from Nishinasuo-eki holding hands all the way to her place., where I breakdown and cry and blather on about how it feels like everybody wants me for something and how I need to go home.

I then tell her my grandfather died recently. That was an attempt to get pity. Grandpa had died back in February and I didn't tell anyone about that.

She leaves me alone in a room to be sad by myself as it's obvious she doesn't know how to act around my act - though she didn't know I was acting. Now that's acting!

So, I put on my shoes and start to leave. She comes after me running and cries as she doesn't know how to act, as I have always been the strong one when it comes to toughing it out here in Japan... and if I feel like I want to go home, how can anyone survive here?

Geez... put some more pressure on me. Fortunately, I'm too drunk to think about that.

We go back into her apartment and make love. Not sex. Love. And then sleep... it's 3AM and the floor is spinning. How the hell can I make love when I'm so drunk the room is spinning? Or is it merely my life spinning out of control?

Somewhere the planet is spinning on the wrong axis,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Beach Boys: DANCE! Though I suppose I could have done David Bowie's LET'S DANCE. Two for the price of one! Who says you can't get value with your blog reading?!
PS: I said my grandfather had died to get pity and sex. That's so frigging low. I am so sorry Ashley. It's funny... I can think of three times now in the first 14 months of Japan where I have been so hammered drunk where I started to cry like a little baby. Clearly the pressure of being popular in Japan and doing everything everyone has asked of me is getting to me... of course... it's usually because of woman problems when I feel at my lowest.
PPS: There's probably a reason why I have only been toasted maybe three times in the past 11 years.
PPPS: Pretty bizarre that despite the plethora of alcohol, I still remembered darn near everything to write it down in my diary. A diary I had never thought of writing before Japan, and never did afterwards. I always knew I would do something with it one day. Even if it means making myself look like an immature jackass. Hey. That's who I was sometimes.
PPPPS: Believe it or not... things start to get better, as once I get over the self-pity crap, I actually feel good about myself - and Japan had better watch-out!

Bohemian Rhapsody

By the way... sorry about the other night (yesterday). The guys building a monster home across the street hit some cables and down went my Internet, television and telephone... for almost 24 hours!

The guys at the cable company were surprised to learn that people in my neighbourhood were without service. They asked me why I didn't call them sooner. I told them I didn't have any telephone service (again). They asked why I didn't use my cell phone. I don't have one, I told them. This stunned the person trying to help me, as apparently I am the only person in Canada without a cellphone. Hey! No one is belling THIS cat, Roger that!
(Bell and Rogers are two of the bigger telecommunications companies in Canada). They then attempted to sell me on a new cell phone and plan - rather than work at resolving the main problem of me not having any services. Idiots.

It's Friday, August 30, 1991.

I have to go into work -- the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) - I do, and spend it putting together some of my prefectural newsletter for the English-speaking teachers in Tochigi-ken (Prefecture of Tochigi).

I leave at 11AM and head back home.

My mom is leaving Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara) to go back to Toronto.

I change clothes and then carry my mom's two suitcases downstairs. The taxi comes at exactly 1PM, per my friend Naoko's orders.

We travel via Shinkansen (bullet train) from Nasushiobara-eki (Nasushiobara train station) down to Ueno-eki (Ueno train station) in Tokyo, and then hop aboard a Skyliner shuttle train to Narita airport in Chiba-ken (Chiba Prefecture).

My mom is talking a lot to me, but I have to admit I am kind of stunned, and I have no idea what she said to me. While the first part of our vacation together worked out great for me (we met in Thailand where I abandoned her in the evenings after sight-seeing together, to go and hook up with a security guard and waitress at our hotel for awesome fun sexual times). The middle part I was moody, but luckily she went off on her own to see Japan herself. When she got back - well, let's just say the last three days were great thanks to the efforts of Ohtawara International Friendship Association, friends Naoko and Tokunori, and the OBOE. Without their help I fear she might have had a crappy time with me. Instead I have memories to last a lifetime--and now after putting it here in this blog, it will last until we get hit by an EMP (electro-magnetic pulse) that could wipe out computers and thus civilization as we know it. EMPs are usually caused by nuclear weapons et al. Let's hope that never happens.

At the airport, we have our last snack together: an apple pie and an espresso for her, and a banana choco-pie and a beer for me. I just love that you can get such a wide mix of stuff at a kiosk in Japan.

Then we say our good-byes. See you next year... maybe. I really do like Japan a lot, and am already thinking of staying a third year. I wish I could even stay longer, but the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme only allows participants to stay a total of three years--if their educational office wants them of course.

I'm not sad or depressed or anything... but rather glad... glad I got to spend some time with her. I didn't realize she would be dead in two years.

I go out and purchase some magazines--one of which I will utilize in a blog tomorrow to explain a few things about Japanese culture and language (I hope).

Heading home via bullet train, it's packed and I have to stand all the way... probably making some Japanese person a little afraid that the big gaijin (foreigner) is looking down her top. I was, but she had no reason to be afraid... I mean, it's nothing I haven't seen before - especially since arriving here in Japan 13 months ago.

Back at the train station, I'm too tired top bother going down to a closer train station and then catching a bus home, so I just take a taxi all the way.

Arriving home at 9:30PM, I fry and egg or two, drink a Coke and watch some videos of Tiny Toons that my brother, Ben, had taped for me. Ben, by the way, won an Emmy award for writing for Roly Poly Ollie, a kids cartoon/computer-generated show that won best children's television program... all of the writers got one. That was maybe 10 years later. I do recall that at home, we had to enlarge all of the doors at the top so he could fit his head through there! I kid. I'm proud of my entire family.

Back in Ohtawara-shi, Matthew - ever the good friend - calls to see if things went well for my mom's departure. I assume so. After chatting for a few minutes, I suddenly hit a wall and get very tired and am actually in bed at 11PM.

Somewhere in my apartment by myself,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Queen: EASYCOMEEASYGO.
PS: It is speculated the song is about lead singer Freddie Mercury personal demons with relationships. I'll just leave it at that and not speculate any further... but I think I just figured out that personal demons with relationships - that's what my ramblings of my past are all about. I'm not gay - not that there's anything wrong with that in my opinion... but really, life is all about relationships. Work, home, whatever. I can't write a cool song like this, so I do this blog. It's not in the same  league, of course, but one does the best one can.
PPS: Lots more to come.

Feeling Alright

I'm back... sorry for the interruption.

It's Sunday, August 18, 1991. And I have recently begun my second-year of my wonderful rifde here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.

Today is an eventful day, as I say good-bye to one guest, and welcome another.

My mom has been visiting from Toronto, as has my friend John.

My mom is out of my apartment at 5:30AM (apparently there IS a 5:30 in the morning... who knew?) to go on a trip to Kyoto out west.

John? He's heading home today. We leave my place at noon. It's super hot (37 Celsius), and if I thought hos bags were heavy when he arrived (he brought me a 12-pack of beer bottles), it's incredibly heavy now after souvenir hunting these past few weeks.

I'm still sick from dysentery (picked up in Thailand last week - at least I hope it's dysentery, as I had carnal relations with two beautiful 21-year-old Thai women... usually one at a time, but before I left both at the same time), and I'm feeling very weak from all of that wiping of my butt. As such... I'm not in the best of moods... not that it matters, as I haven't been in a good mood for a few weeks (Thai sex excepted).

John and I have a non-eventful ride to Tokyo's airport, Narita, arriving at 4PM. As we are shopping for crap souvenirs, I run into Brian, an American who works in Ohtawara for an electrical firm (he's on a real exchange). He's there to see off his brother - and I agree to meet up with him around here at 5PM. Small world, eh?

I dump John at 5PM. I slap him on the back and tell him to "look after that job-thing first" and then say
"See-ya" and leave. I'm not sure who goes on a vacation half-way around the world when they are out of work, but that's my John.

Speaking of john's... I need to go to the toilet, but I know if I open up the floodgates, it will never stop. Instead, I have intense intestinal control. 

Guess who I am meeting? Kristine South.

That's right... the awesome American girl of Japanese descent who has been the object of many a real-life fantasy. She lives in Shiga-ken (Shiga Prefecture) some 500 kilometres away... kind of where my mom is heading today.

I don't know if it's a Florence Nightingale thing, but on my first night in Japan, Kristine saved my life. I looked left to cross a large street in Tokyo, instead of right. She pulled me back from certain death... so I guess we all have Kristine to thank (or blame) for this blog. Yay!

Kristine is gorgeous. But that's not even her strong point. It's her kindness, generosity, intelligence and sense of humour all tied for number one. That's how much I like and respect her. It means that though I do want to sleep with her (and I think she with me), I don't think I'm good enough for her. To be honest... with her, it was never about a one-night stand. I wanted a relationship.

Now Kristine doesn't know that. She thinks I'm playing hard to get. It might even surprise her in 2011, as she is know to read this blog every once in awhile. But, she did say that I always seemed to have a woman on the go... and she wasn't impressed with my taste in women. Though she did not meet the Thai girls, I'd have to say she might be correct. It's why I don't think I am good enough for her.

Still... she is coming over for a visit!

Did I mention I am sick?

I'm supposed to meet her at Ueno-eki (Ueno train station) in Tokyo at 6PM. The phone message I left on Rory's machine was for her to meet me at the Shinkansen (bullet train) ticket machine. I forgot, or didn't know, that there were two of them spread quite far apart.

By the way.. Rory is an ex of Kristine's... and I like him, as we seem to be quite similar... so maybe Kristine and I could be an item... if only she didn't live 500 kilometres away!

Anyhow, Brian and I are late. We arrive at 6:30PM... and hang around the ticket machines until 7PM, and then leave. We go to a McDonald's for dinner... and all I can think about besides not pooping my pants is that Kristine and I just aren't destined to be together... like two ships sailing past another in the night.

The McDonald's - I have a McTerriaki burger - lasts five minutes in my stomach. Did you know that McDonald's toilets are the same messy experience all over the world? At least that one was after I got through with it. Oh my gawd!

We then head for home. I am so sick and depressed now, it's not even funny.

We we are talking on the train, I notice Kristine walk by on the platform. I run out and yell for her to get on!

Hugs and a kiss on the cheek... and major apologies by myself.

See? I told you she was smart! She was going to get on the train and make her way to my place. She had my address and phone number and was going to stay in Ohtawara even if I wasn't there! And then give me grief later! What a woman!

Kristine and I take a taxi back to my place - Brian a taxi back to his. He doesn't really live that close by, and I suspect he figured Kristine and I could do with a bit of privacy.

Kristine - back at my place - is now fully aware that I am even more sick than I suspect... so after we talk for a few hours, we crash for the night. I don't want her to get sick... so we spend it in separate bedrooms.

Figures.

By the way... you may have heard me whine about how I haven't had a day to myself in weeks, and how it was killing me? Well... this was one night when I wish I had closer company.

The gods are conspiring against me...

Somewhere I have until Tuesday to get better,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Joe Cocker: REDCROSS

Back In The Saddle

Airports... I hate'em.

I've been in Thailand and Tokyo without my sunglasses for an entire week now. People who know me realize that's not something I am happy with. It was probably because when I left Japan it was raining.

Thailand while drizzling rain, was quite bright.

I've worn sunglasses atop my face since I switched from photo-grey sunglasses (that get darker when the sun gets brighter) to wearing contact lenses when I was 17.

But, even without sunglasses, I met and 'dated' two Thai women with looks that would make anyone's head spin in amazement. Amazement that they were with me, I suppose. Hey.... I have a very large... what's that "p-word"? Oh yeah... personality. Plus I'm hung like a donkey. I'm kidding. I'm such an ass.

Mom and I get a chauffeur-driven limo ride from our Bangkok hotel to the airport.

I should mention that there were quite a few young ladies there at the hotel to see me off. Waving and giggling. Boon-mee and Tookta were there too. It was quite the nice send-off. I didn't know the other women, but I did recognize most as being staff from the hotel.

I'm just going to assume they didn't provide a send-off like this to everyone. It even made my mom wonder aloud to me if I had actually slept with all of those women. I wish... but I didn't have enough time or condoms or fluid in the five days here.

Despite me meeting my mom here in Bangkok, it did not get in my way at all, sexually. I should point out that I was supposed to go to Thailand in December with Ashley... but after she broke up with me, our plans went down the toilet. After we got back together again six days later, all of the flights were miraculously booked up... so WE were out of luck.

Ashley, however, had made arrangements to go to Thailand with some of the other female assistant English teachers from the Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. It's probably why I hate quite a few of them. They got Ashley a ticket.

On the negative side... I didn't get to go anywhere last winter...

On the plus side... I stayed and experienced Christmas and New Year's Eve and Day in Japan! Awesome! HERE have a read. I spent it with Matthew - my most excellent friend from Binghamton, who lives in my hometown of Ohtawra-shi in Japan. Plus his boss, Suzuki-sensei (Suzuki teacher) and my friend Kanemaru-san (Mr. Kanemaru) and his family. Kanemaru-san is one of my bosses with the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE).

On the plus + plus side... I went to Thailand and hung out with two sexually-charged young women who showed me and themselves the time of their lives! I sure as heck would not have experienced that if I was with Ashley... at least I don't think so. Hmmm.

On the plane, we experience some wicked turbulence. The food is still plane food - crap. And the movie? It's the same one I saw coming to Thailand! L.A. Story (?!) At least I see the title this time!

At Japan's Narita Airport, it's now 7PM. At Japan Customs, they confiscatemy Thai sword. It's not like it's sharp! Why confiscate it? I can buy a longer and more dangerous Japanese sword here! Jerks. No one can speak English.

Apparently I can pick it up within six months when I leave the country... but I'm not leaving! No one understands that! Oh well... the police have it now. Forget about the fact that I actually carried it with me on my carry-on luggage on theplane! Man.. things were different then, eh?

Customs searches my Mom's stuff and confiscate my passport for an hour, beforefinally giving it back and letting us go on our way. Who knew a sword was a dangerous weapon? I'm such an idiot sometimes.

We grab a Skyliner back to Ueno-eki (Ueno train station) in downtown Tokyo. It's now pouring rain.

We catch the second-last Shinkansen (bullet train) up to Nasushiobara-eki (Nasushiobara train station). Unfortunately, we have to go two stopssouth on the local train line to get to Nishiansuno-machi (NishinasunoTown)... before catching a bus to my city of Ohtawara.

Unfortunately, at Nasushiobara, there are no more local trains going that evening, so we take a long and expensive taxi ride back to my apartment. We arrive at 11:30PM.

My mom cooks up a few eggs for us, but unfortunately... I now have dysentery, courtesy of a few ice cubes in my Coke in Thailand. I guess it could have been worse... it could have been hepatitis!

Somewhere, the King of Ohtawara is back on his throne,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Aerosmith: I'M BAAACCCCK!!

One Night In Bangkok

It's Wednesday, August 7, 1991 and I'm just outside of Tokyo, Japan at my new friend Rory's apartment.

I'm up at 5:45 in the morning. Who knew there was also a 5:45 in the morning?

I'm out of Rory's place at 6:25AM, and with Rory lending me a hand on a train towards Ueno-eki (Ueno (station) by 7AM. Thanks Rory! And sayonara (good bye)!

Arriving at Ueno by 8AM, I hope a shuttle train towards Tokyo's Narita airport that is actually located in Chiba-ken, arriving at 9:10AM.

I go through the ticket registration and customs by 10AM and board my plane to Thailand at 10:30AM. It's insane.

The plane is delayed by 30 minutes thanks to traffic, so we don't actually leave until 11:30AM. Traffic? Don't they know when planes are coming and going? I've never really understood delays of 30 minutes or longer. Five minutes sure... but planes—especially in Japan—should run with clockwork efficiency like their train system!

The stewardesses on the Thai airline are all freaking gorgeous. They are all Thia, wearing purple, look young, and smell great. They also speak excellent English and treat me like we've just spent a couple of hot sweaty hours together...  which I dream of with each and every one of them. Come one! Doesn't anyone want to initiate me into the Mile High Club? 

Of course, I'm lucky... but just not that lucky.

There's a book on my seat that describes how to count to 100 in Thia and how to say hello (Sawetai) and how to say thank you as a male (Kop koon krap) and as a female (Kop koon kah). I master it all before we actually lift off from Narita airport.

The plane food is just that—plain and blah. I've been on the go for nearly seven hours, and it's not even noon. I am exhausted... probably too tired to join the Mile High Club is asked, but I'm not, so the point is moot.

There's some Steve Martin movie on that lampoons the Los Angeles attitude, but since I miss the title, I have no idea why I even mention it. Tired.

I need to go to the washroom, but I don't have time... and quite frankly, I'm afraid I'm going to do something awful that will hamper any opportunity for a Mile High Club invitation from a stewardess. I didn't see any women passengers on the plane.

I guess Thailand's reputation as a sex industry is well founded, as most of the people on the plane look pretty shady. The rest look quite respectable and after their sex tour—which Thailand does offer—ˆ'm sure the suits will be playing golf.

In fact, as we are landing, I notice a golf course right beside the damn airport runway. It must have some tricky holes, what with the out of control air currents caused by passing jet plane.
Arriving within the Bangkok airport, I look around for my mom, who has flown out from Toronto to meet me here for a few days before we travel back to Ohatawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

I must be the only normal man to have actually traveled to Thailand to hang out with his mother.

I get there.... there's no mom... no promised tour guide... and I don't know which hotel she has booked for us... I'm lost. As I am physically attempting to call my father back in Canada to ask about Mom and the hotel, I happen to glance around and see my mom, Lynda Joseph, standing a mere five feet away.

One year later she still looks the same, and that's cool by me. Hug, hug, kiss, kiss.

Toki, our guide is really cute and very short. She scoots us away in a van, but since it's now rush hour in Bangkok, we sit in traffic for a while. I really should have gone to the washroom on the plane.
It begins to rain, and hard, and floods a few low-lying roads, and it doesn't let up. Apparently, this is the beginning of the rainy season here... or it's because I'm traveling that it has chosen to rain.

We arrive at out awesome looking hotel in one hour and 15 minutes.

After a quick shower et al, we go to dinner. Our waitresses is freaking hot. She is also smiling at me constantly, even more when I explain that the older pretty woman I am with is merely my mother. After that this woman is constantly hovering around me, filling up my beer, touching my shoulders, and rubbing herself up against my back as she leans over to pour food. Her name is Tookta, which means, and I kid you not, 'Baby Doll".

I've never played with dolls before, but it looks like there will be a first time before this trip is over.

I order a chili fish... two things I would normally never eat back in Toronto. I may be of Indian descent, but aside from the colour of my skin, I'm not very Indian. The fish is even hotter than Tookta, as I have beads of sweat popping up on my brow as I eat all of it. In fact... sweat forms on my sweat. It amuses both my mom and Tookta who gently wipes away my sweat with her hand.

If my mother wasn't sure before, she realized then that our waitress really liked me. For reference... I looked like a Thai man... only about four inches taller, much wider... and I'm only talking about what I keep in my underwear. We're both dark in complexion, have dark brown eyes and black hair. But being bigger, it's obvious that I am in high demand here, as I glance around and see a number of waitresses smiling at me. I guess the stewardesses may not have been really Thai.

Besides... all of these Thai waitresses are all maybe 21-23, and seem eager to try out the Canadian cuisine. In my head, Tookta has first dibs.

I did mention that she kept filling me up with beer. It was something called Singha, which essentially is Thai for 'lion dog'.

After dinner (we were only charged for a single beer), we tip Tookta very well, she comes up from behind me puts her right arm around my shoulder, her left hand down on my left hand, grabs the money while kissing me on the left cheek, quietly whispering that she hopes she will see me again.

My mother had already left to go the the ladies room... and she was the one who had paid for our meal (and pretty damn near everything else on this trip!), so Tookta was brave, but brave with some decorum.

After my mom and I head back to the single hotel room with two Queen-sized beds, we chat for awhile about life, the universe and everything, with me kidding her about never sending me anything I needed, to which she replies she won't bother sending me anymore boxes of condoms. Owtch. Asia is going have alot of kids looking like me!

Hey Matthew! You think I snore like a jet plane with asthma? You never heard my mom! Her snoring kept me awake for so long that I got up and went for a walk. How the heck does my dad stand it?

On the plus side... it's about 1AM as I walk near the hotel restaurant and see Tookta walking out. She runs over, smiles and walks with me for a few minutes until we find some privacy.

What's nice, is that I've seen more of Tookta than I have of Thailand. 

God I love internationalization. Oh Canada!

Somewhere I love Thailand and Thailand loves...
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Murray Head: HARDMANHUMBLE 

Talk Dirty To Me

I'm in Utsunomiya-shi with my friend and co-conspirator, Matthew Hall, to give a speech to the newcomers on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme in Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture). We're in a hotel, it's Tuesday, August 6, 1991.

I'm up at 6AM - but only to close the friggin' window in the room. It's noisy outside! I go back to sleep as my body is not enjoying the drinking activities of the night before.  Up at 7AM, I try to phone Rory... a guy who lives in Tokyo (and an ex-boyfriend of Kristine South, a woman I really like, but who lives too far away—some 500 kilometers—from my place in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City).

That's the thing about Japan... as long as you know someone mutually, there's a gaijin (foreigner) network that will essentially allow one to spend a night wherever needed.

I need a place to stay tonight, as I'm heading out to the Tokyo airport tomorrow morning to fly to Thailand to meet my mom for a short vacation before we both head back to Ohtawara for a few weeks before she goes back to Toronto. Me? I've signed up for my second year on the JET Programme to teach junior high school kids English. Matthew, originally from Binghampton, NY, is in the same boat.

Rory's not in - or he's normal and won't answer a phone so early in the morning!

Matthew and I go to a French bakery with a English girl named Cathy... a first year newcomer on the Programme, who seems a bit lonely, but very friendly towards me. Cripes. Back in Toronto I couldn't get a woman to look at me... but here in Japan, I have to swat them away like flies.

Matthew and I give our speech to an enthralled/captive audience on 'Surviving Japan'. It's funny and very interesting, chock full of great stories and advice that should be utilized or not utilized—depending on one's situation. Whatever... everything worked out for us, and we're both pretty well-adjusted to living well in Japan. However... I heard that our speech raised the eyebrows of the bosses of the JET Programme for Tochigi—Arikawa-san and Kamioka-san.

Hmmm... I probably should have kept my mouth shut.

I have lunch with two gorgeous newcomers—Laurie Tiefenbach (who I thought I was going to hook up with during a party a few day's earlier... but she was sideswiped by Karen Irwin, with whom I did hook-up with) and Letiticia Todd, who is drop dead gorgeous with a great butt and awesome, dark-brown curly hair. I'm spending a bit more time describing my initial reaction towards Lettiicia for a reason, as she will be the focus of a serious blog in the future. I just want you to know that I thought she was perhaps the most beautiful, sexy woman I had yet to see on the JET Programme, excluding Kristine, of course.

After lunch, I provide a demonstration on how to do a self-introduction class... something I wish I had seen last year... or if they did demonstrate it then, I wish I had paid attention rather than concentrating on Ashley (former girlfriend and current friend with benefits). Who's kidding whom? With all of these gorgeous woman around me, this was how, and how I am going to continue to survive Japan!

Again, my self introduction speech raises quite a few eyebrows amongst the Japanese and the newcomers. I have no idea if that's good or bad... but everyone now knows prety much all there is to know about me (that I want them to know, of course).

After it's all over, I walk back to my hotel (in the rain (of course, because I'm traveling... I am the Ame Otoko - Rain Man, and it only rains when I travel).

I then take a slow JR (Japan Rail) train to Tokyo. I arrive by 6PM and try calling Rory again... who's still not in.

Still carrying my luggage, I ride to Nippori and try to get a room for the night at the Hotel d'Love. It's a love hotel. Unfortunatly, they, and the other three love hotels I visit, say I am not allowed into their rooms. At first I thought it was because i was a foreigner/gaijin... but it was quickly explained that I am not allowed into a room by myself. I can only go in with a woman or a hooker/prostitute.

For a guy who was beating women away from him several hours earlier, I don't have one handy, and consider purchasing a hooker just so I can get into the hotel for the night. But, after the success I've been having with the women here in Japan since I arrived just over a year ago, there's no way I'm paying for a woman. I'm sure if I just stand around looking sexy in the rain for a few minutes one will pick me up.

An hour later and tired of standing in the rain, I call Rory. He's in and tells me how to get to his place. It's difficult, but I make it without getting lost (two times is not lost... it's just not knowing where I am for a few minutes). Rory lives 40 minutes outside of downtown Tokyo! I'm not going to save much time in getting to the airport, but at least I get to talk to the guy.

He mets me at the train station, and because it's pouring, we grab a taxi (he paid!) and head to his place. He's a very nice guy and seems very similar in personality, and demeanor to myself. No wonder we get along! No wonder Kristin liked him and likes me!

His place is small and cramped—I think it's smaller than my living room... but he is in Tokyo, and places are all expensive and small.


We talk until midnight—about woman of all things! Okay, that was me being sarcastic. Of course we talked about women. We talked a lot about Kristine (that was me asking him stuff that I could use in a phone 'sex' conversation with her later) and then he shows me a photo album that has some photos of my special K.

No offense Kristine, but boy you were skinny in those old photos. But relax. You were too skinny. I much prefer the way you look now.

I'm physically and mentally exhausted and pass out asleep, hoping I don't snore too much to exclude me from ever staying at Rory's place again. He's so cool.

Somewhere wondering why Rory and Kristine broke up,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is brought to you by Poison: TALK 
PS: Later in another blog you can see how my writings on Kristine and Letiticia are related.

Welcome Back Kotter

It's July 31, 1991... a Wednesday. I'm in Tokyo, Japan with my friend from Toronto, John, and Matthew, my friend originally from Binghamton, NY. Matthew lives in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) and, like myself, is a junior high school English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange n& Teaching) Programme.

Man... I have to make that introduction smaller!

The three of us check out of our crappy hotel across the street from the supremely clean and pretty Keio Plaza Hotel where a lot of the newcomers to Japan on the Programme were staying. Matthew & I went down to meet and greet the newbies coming to live in our Prefecture.

After we have lunch in the crappy hotel's cafeteria, my friend Chris Rathbone comes over. He's such a nice guy, but he told me in a drunken blubber last night that his dad is dying. Anyhow, Chris comes over to help us carry our stuff to the local Shinkansen (Bullet train) line that will take us home. I have no idea why Chris is doing that for me, except I think the big lug misses me. That's okay... In 2011, I miss him, too and hope he's well and happy. Oh, and rich, too.

It's freaking hot today... just like it was when we first arrived in this country a year ago. Matthew is the only one of us not sweating which may have been due to him being dehydrated from all of the booze we had last night. I know that Chris and I are just soaked with sweat.
We go up together to the train line and get on our train and make a few stops.. Departing, Chris is waving frantically as we leave him at Utsunomiya-shi (Utsunomiya City). He says he'll write to me. Dammit. Big lug. You can call if you want to. But I don't say that. I'm already spread pretty thin in the phone conversations for mental health thing, as I play doctor Psych to a lot of people. Just not to myself.

The three of us go to Nasushiobara-eki (Nasushiobara train station) and then transfer to a local JR (Japan Rail) train and go south a few stops to Nishinasuno-eki (Nishinasuno train station) where we grab a taxi.

I hope John is impressed by my place. I am.

We do a quick load of laundry for John.. and then Matthew joins us and takes us to the Ohtawara Shrine & Temple so John can get some photos. Actually, I have no idea where anything is located in Japan, let alone this City, so it's always good to have Matthew around, as I get lost a lot less now.

Back at my place, I make him a chili dinner, and complains that it's not hot enough.

Ashley (my ex-American girlfriend and now just my girl friend with benefits) said that to me after our first meal about 11-1/2 months ago... so I made the next few chili meals progressively hotter... unfortunately she wasn't there for those... I was, and so I built up my own tolerance. When she finally had a meal with me next, I nearly killed her. Ahhhhh... fond memories. John is next.

Somewhere the chili isn't as hot as the weather,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is brought to you by: ex-lead singer of the Lovin' Spoonful, John B. Sebastian: BROOKLYN

Nights In White Satin

It's Monday July 8, 1991.
My office - The Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE), has let me have a day off to get my Immigration papers settled for a second year in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. In fact, they actually told me to take the week off - but for some stupid reason, I don't want to.
They know I've been stressed out by my break-up with fellow JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme assistant English teacher Ashley plus being stalked by the gorgeous Japanese university student who interned for a week at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School)—one of the seven schools I teach at... but I think I'd prefer to have the company of my Japanese teachers and students to help present a semblance of normalacy before I begin my summer vacation.
I spent the night at Mona's house—she's the girlfriend of another AET—and she and he are friends of mine.
Mona lives closer to Tokyo so it makes the trip to the immigration office a lot easier for me (It's probably a two hour trip from my place to Tokyo).
Mona's place is about the size of my smallest room of my three-bedroom apartment—but it's comfortable and cozy.
We head over to a subway station in Tokyo during Monday morning rushhour.
I'm not sure what I expected, but I didn't expect to be unable to see the platform owing to a sea of Japanese business men in navy blue suits crowding the station.
The train is packed, and I hold onto Mona's hand as we are pushed in by the surging crowd of blue.
If you ever want to experience what being hit by a tsunami is like, ride the subway trains in Tokyo during rushhour (7:30Am - 9:30AM and 5PM - 7PM).
It's total maddness.
Did you know that about 28 million people travel to Tokyo on an average working day.
Despite there being no room, I feel myself being pushed tightly into the train car—packed in like a sardine.
If I didn't know Mona and she me, we would have become lovers at that moment because every part of our body was touching each other and about 400 Japanese men.
I though the Japanese men would be afraid to get too close to me - the big old gaijin (foreigner)—but nope... in Tokyo they don't care who you are as long as you can hold your breath between train stations.
This was my first experience at being pushed into a train car by professional train car stuffers. Known as ... just what the heck are these guys called? Subway packers? Is there a Japanese term for it?
Anyhow, these men wear dainty white gloves to stuff/push people into the trains. It's awesome and totally rude but no one cares because it's a way of life here. Politeness is trumped by the need to get to work on time.
Check THIS video out.
It's a great way to make new friends.
I do have a crush on Mona - just not the way I expected.
We need to get off in two stops. No way.
The next stop has another 700 people get on. I don't see anyone get off.
The men in the white gloves push everyone in, but I don't see it occur because I'm facing the wrong way... or the right way as I and pressed up tightly against Mona chest. Darn. I'm crushed. But, to be honest, I'm too afraid of being crushed to be turned on by her bosom.
By the way... I though Mona was going to be goosed/pinched by a plethora of horny  Japanese business men, but either they too were too afraid of being crushed to be horny, or they couldn't move their hands to get near her bum.
For some reason a wave of riders exits the train at our spot and Mona and I are able to exhale. She does look very fine holding her breath, however.
We travel a short distance to the Immigration office and I get my travel visa in 30 minutes and wait two hours before Mona gets hers. She keeps telling me to leave, but this woman let me stay at her place last night, and she's a friend. Rule number one folks... never ditch a buddy.
Besides... I have no idea how to get back home from here. Or where the subway is from here. Or even where the exit is to the Immigration office. I'm just not very good at traveling.
Horror of horrors, after a lunch at McDonald's, I have to borrow Y2000 ($20) from Mona... after being pressed up against her earlier, I almost feel like I owe her a lot more than that. Fortunately, the subway back isn't so bad. We don't see any white-gloved rabbits pushing us down a rabbit hole.
Because there are no buses available, I take a taxi home. Yes... for some reason I know how to read a bus schedule written in Japanese.
At home, I relax - finally - for a couple of hours.
In the evening, I teach at a night school English class for beginners for the Ohtawara International Friendship Association.
We discuss a test I gave them and then teach them a few simple words - everyone seems quite eager and tries their best - which is all I expect.
After class, my beautiful student Shoko drives the two of us out to a coffee house - we spend an hour doing small talk.
We really like each other  - but I think she's a way more prim and proper than I am. I want to have sex with her, Right here in the coffee shop. I think Shoko wants to wait until we get to know each other better.
I do get a kiss on the cheek, however, when she drops me off at my place. The kiss does surprise me. I want to give her my phone number, but for some reason I actually lack the guts to do so. Maybe it's because I didn't have a pen handy. yeah. That's it.  Cripes... maybe being stalked by Junko has shaken me more than I thought (which was zero thought at all).
Not knowing what to do with Shoko as a possible girlfriend, I stay up late and clean my apartment.
I think cleaning and doing laundry is my way of coping with stress. Or hiding from it.

Somewhere wishing my whites looked as clean as the train man's gloves,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Moody Blues: JUSTWHATTHETRUTHIS
PS: Here's another great VIDEO of a train being packed.
PPS: The photo? Obviously the Japanese men in white gloves don't look like the photo of the white gloved rabbit above, but it was definitely the best I could do. ;)

Golden Week Travel Down

On Friday,April 29, 2011, Japan was abuzz with folks traveling across thecountry and abroad for the annual Golden Week holidays – though relative topast years, the number of travelers appears to be down following the March 11,2011earthquake and tsunami disaster.

Atthe onset of the 10-day vacation period through May 8, railway stations andairports in Tokyo were jammed with people traveling to tourist spots or theirhometowns.

TheTohoku Shinkansen Line resumed full services throughout its route from Tokyo toShin-Aomori Station the same day, recovering from disruptions nearly 50 daysafter being stricken by the disaster. Seat reservations at Japan Railwaycompanies and airlines were down compared to past years

AtNarita International Airport (the so-called Tokyo Airport), the number ofpassengers using the airport during Golden Week is expected to be half of otheryears, as the disaster and the massive accident at the crippled Fukushima-ken (Fukushima Prefecture)Dai-ichi (Big One) nuclear plant have discouraged people from going abroad.

Still,tourist traffic made a relatively solid start at the onset of this year’s longholiday.

EastJapan Railway Co. said shinkansen (bullet) trains on its Tohoku, Yamagata and AkitaShinkansen lines were congested, though there were some vacant seats.

Thefirst service of the day by the new Hayabusa bullet train was sold out by noonThursday. The first new model developed by JR East since 1997 began its serviceon March 5, 2011 but was suspended only six days later with the magnitude 9.0quake and began operations again on April 29, 2011.

Onthe Tokaido Shinkansen Line of Central Japan Railway Co., or JR Tokai, thenumber of passengers on the train that departed at 6AM. was at 30 per centabove capacity.

Onthe Tomei Expressway linking the cities of Tokyo and Nagoya, a 49-kilometre traffic jam was seenin Isehara-shi (Isehara City), Kanagawa-ken (Kanegawa Prefecture).

AtTokyo’s Haneda airport, flights departing for domestic airports were almostfull.

AtNarita International Airport, the departure lobby was seen bustling with manyfamilies departing for overseas tourist spots like Guam, Hawaii and Europeancountries, although the number of people departing from it Friday is estimatedat only 26,300, down a sharp 20,000 from 2010.

Filesby Andrew Joseph

Y.M.C.A.

It's Sunday, June 30, 1991.

I'm up at noon. I feel refreshed afterlast night's drinking. Has it really been a week without sex? I don't even haveto ask that question because I know it has been. I've been counting theminutes. I'm going a little batty from the lack of inactivity.

I do what I usually do when I'm antsy...I clean my apartment. I even venture out to the north balcony (my place has twobalconies - the other faces west) that faces the Nasu mountains and gingerlysweep all of the spiders from up off the roof.

I absolutely detest spiders... and thesebuggers are huge. Visit my old blog HERE to see what I'm talking about.

I hardly ever go out to the north balcony- and only use it to dry clothes but must always bring them in by sundown whenthe spiders descend from their sleeping perch. What's weird is that they don'tseem to make any webs. At least I don't see any in the morning... and with over60 of these big fat buggers, my place would look like the typical haunted housewithin minutes!

I move over to the western balcony andsit atop the railing - perched precariously on the edge three stories up - tocatch a few of the suns warming rays for 30 minutes.

Matthew comes over and we watch the movieTwins. When he goes home, I shower and get ready for our trip to Oyama-shi (City of Oyama) thisevening and the Canadian Embassy tomorrow and Canada's birthday party.

Matthew comes over again at 6:30PM and weleave for the train station - not by bus or taxi or bicycle, but rather by caras his girlfriend Takako drives us, picking us up at 6:55PM.

There's no train until 7:19PM, thoughwhich means we reach Oyama-shi at 8:50PM. It really is like clockwork in Japan. I believe back in September lastyear, one of the trains was late by three minutes - and that was due to a F5typhoon (hurricane) smashing the tracks. Three minutes. Japan Rail actuallyapologized for it in the newspaper the next day. Toronto could sure take alesson from Japan here.

Matthew and I go out for dinner at CoCo'suntil 9:30PM and then head over to MariAnn's place - she's a fellow AET(assistant English teacher) like us on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET)Programme. MariAnn is a cute Japanese-Canadian girl - I believe her name isHironaka... but she's all Canadian inside!

At her fairly large place - it's notquite as large as mine, but it is nicer, I think - we meet Gael Heald - another AET I have always found attractive.

The four of us go out karaoke singing (Ibelieve karaoke means drunken revelry with off-key crooning) until 12:30AM.

Matthew & I always have fun whereverwe go - which is why I think people like us. We bump and grind to the VillagePeople's Y.M.C.A. (my gosh, but those are gay lyrics!... I hear that everyonein that group was gay - except for the policeman!).

We all have a great time dancing and singing ourheads off.

Back at MariAnn's place we chat untilabout 2AM before crashing.

Oh... I'm pretty sure I saw Junko over atCoCo's today down in Oyama-shi. She was trying not to be seen - you know thatclassic scene where people quickly pick up a menu to hide themselves and not draw attention? Well, her men was upsidedown.

I knew she was there before I even sawher. I could smell her - it was totally feral. And her hair still smells likeapple blossoms.  

Somewhere wondering if I should have saidhello,

Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by the Village People, of course: YOUNGMAN.

PS: Junko is a woman I slept with for anentire week two weeks ago... it was fierce and exciting. We knew it was onlygoing to be a one week date, as she had to go back to university (I think itwas in Utsunomiya-shi, the capital city of Tochigi-ken). Junko stalked meonce... and I think she's doing it again... if she ever stopped.

PPS: I chose to keep Junko my dirtylittle secret and refrained from telling Matthew or Gael or MariAnn what wasgoing on, because  quite frankly, asidefrom not knowing what was going on myself, I wanted to see to what lengthsJunko would go through - especially now that I know she's behind me.

PPPS: I guess I know who's been callingme for the past week and being quiet on the other end when I answer the phone.Oh cripes! Is this going to end badly or am I going to have sex first and thenhave it end badly? Please let it be the latter.

Hello

It's Saturday, June 22, 1991.
I'm in Utsunomiya-shi (City of Utsonomiya), the capital of Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) with my ex-girlfriend Ashley of Augusta, Georgia. We're staying at Susan St. Cyr's place in anticipation of a trip to Tokyo Disneyland today.
Back in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City) where I've been living since August of 1990, I left behind my girlfriend of the week - Junko - whose last name I don't know. We met at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School), one of the seven junior high schools I teach at in Ohtawara-shi. Junko was just there for the week, as she's a university student studying to be a teacher. She's 21, sexy, Japanese and so very much in lust or love with me.
I'm in lust with her - but she has to go back to school on Monday - wherever the heck that is. If she told me, I don't remember.
She begged me to come to Disneyland with me - but I said no. I didn't want to cause any problems between her, myself and Ashley, as I was still trying to get sex from my ex... not get back together as boyfriend and girlfriend.
I have NO idea why. Junko and I did the wild thing so many times between meeting on Monday and the last time on I saw her on Thursday, that would impress a porn star or a hooker.
So why would I want Ashley?
I'm going to keep asking myself that question for a few blogs more, if you all don't mind.
It's raining today - why? Because I'm traveling in Japan. I am already known as Ame Otoko (Rain Man) by the Japanese. Ye-ahhh, definitely going to rain. Definitely rain. Rain. Rain.
I was drunk the night before and in a piss-poor moody toward pretty much all women - still, I drag myself up at 9AMm and we're all out the door at 10AM.
We get on a Shinkansen (bullet train) and travel to Ueno-eki (Ueno station) in Tokyo. We then take a bus to Disneyland.
All the time on the bus, David (another AET = assistant English teacher) and Susan are asking Ashley and I if we really want to go - either because they know we are angry at each other or because they don't want to go either. But... I'm saying "yes". So's Ashley.
Susan and David sit beside each other - leaving Ashely with me. We begin to chat and then start goofing around - like friends.
At Disneyland we get in line to go on Space Mountain. Since it's raining, the line up is only 55 minutes long. That's sarcasm.
Everyone Japanese seems to be wearing plaid. It's funny  - and we all start making plaid jokes - none of which I remember. Sorry. I guess you had to be there.

I don't know about you, but I have never been on a roller coaster before - which is what Space Mountain is. Still - since everyone else wants to - I have to pretend to be brave.  
And you know what? It was great! Trying to act brave around a woman seemed to actually make me brave! I want to go again.
David, however... it wipes him out and needs to take a break. Wimp.
Susan, Ashley and I head for Alice's Tea Cup ride (from Alice In Wonderland - my favourite book!). You sit in a giant teacup and the cup and the other seven teacups (a platter) all spin round and around... and then I discovered that if you spin the wheel in the middle of the teacup, your teacup will do revolutions independent of the whole spinning platter of cups.
Being a devious bastard, I spin it hard and fast in an effort to make the women tipsy. So Ashley will be forced to use me as a crutch.
I spun it so hard and fast that I was sure they were going to be falling all over the place when we got out. Unfortunately, I did it too much  so that it felt like my brain flipped upside down in my skull.
When it stopped... I crawled out. Literally on my hands and knees. Everyone thought the big dumb Andrew was faking because he's a joker.
Nope.
My head pounded like it was being hit by a brick and I felt like throwing up. It was worse because I had already eaten two large hot dogs and had a large Coke  - so I had plenty of ammunition in my gut!
Yeah. David's the wimp. I was taken out by Alice in Wonderland's Tea Cup ride. How freaking embarrassing.
While Ashley, Susan and David run off to the nurse's station to get me some help - yes I was that bad - I decide I need to go to the washroom.
I walk around for five minutes and find a men's room - go in, pee, and walk out and...
I am jumped on by Junko!
She has her arms around my neck and her legs wrapped around my waist and is trusting her tongue deep into my mouth.
At first I don't know who the hell is kissing me, but it doesn't stop me from trying to grab her butt. I don't stop kissing either.
Any port in a storm... and it is raining.
I open my eyes and try to focus in on the woman sucking on my tonsils... okay... it is Junko.
I'm not delirious am I? Did Alice's Tea Cup ride push me down the rabbit hole? What is it that the Doormouse said?
"Junko?! What the hell are you doing here?!" I cried in happiness and shock and perhaps a bit from being queasy.
"Hello Andrew! I missed you my one true love," she said.
Uh-oh. I missed her too, but I didn't stalk her. What the hell is she doing in Tokyo Disneyland? And did she just call me her 'one true love'?
I've got to get out of here.
Cripes! Ashley! She'll be back soon and will probably be wondering why I have a Japanese woman stuck to my groin!
Junko is scaring the crap out of me.
But... being a horny guy, I'm obviously excited to see her, if you know what I mean.
To foil that part of my brain... I start to question Junko... but not here in front of the men's room!
I hold onto her butt and start to move with her...
"Are we going in the men's washroom Andrew lover?"
Who taught her to talk like this?!
That person was a very good teacher - but dammit this is bad timing.
I do, however, consider taking her into the men's washroom and having sex with her - after all... Donald Duck is my hero because he doesn't wear pants! But no... there's a lot of pee on the floor.
Men's rooms look, feel and smell like men's rooms all over the world. Pee on the floor. Apparently man DID evolve from the ape!
Instead, I walk her to the back of the building containing the men's room and push her back up against the brick wall. She's excited because she thinks we're going to do it in public - but I'm just not that well at the moment... and I need to put her down. With a tranquilizer if possible... but on the ground to give my arms and back a break.
I ask her if she has been following me?
She says "No!"
But then she added that "the place you stayed in last night was very small." And then she asked "Who is that woman you stayed with last night?"
Holy crap! She is stalking me!
Fatal Attraction! Here in Disneyland. Oh my gawd! She's going to kill Ashley! Who fried Roger Rabbit?* (see the PS for this joke).

Somewhere my shoes smell like pee,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Lionel Ritchie. Have you ever listened to the LYRICS? Ugh!
PS: In the movie Fatal Attraction, the stalker boils a pet rabbit. I'm in Disneyland - the animated flick Who Framed Roger Rabbit is a Disney movie... I made a pun of the Roger Rabbit title. Very funny, indeed.
PPS: Oh, Junko. Please don't kill anybody. My life is never going to be free of insane women, is it? I'm not secretly seeking them out, am I? Oh well... it beats being dull and not having anything to write about in this blog! Tune in tomorrow when I continue the adventure.

Crazy Train

Sunday, June 9th, 1991.
I'm in Tokyo sleeping in a dorm, on the floor. I had too much to drink last night, made out with a woman I may not have given a second look to usually, and was pretty much depressed - despite having a decent time.
The really good thing is that I got some sleep - waking up at around 10:30AM. Or was it an alcoholic stupor? Whatever... I feel refreshed and almost drink my contact lenses that are sitting in a pair o paper coffee cups. I had my lips to the cup when I remembered!
I don't know about you, but I have really bad eyes. If they get any worse, I'll get a dog and a white cane, so being without a lens would be a very bad thing.
Tim, Mona, her girlfriends and I (including Marie - with whom we did terribly nice but dirty things to each other  - just no happy ending for me!) go to Denny's for breakfast/lunch. Yes... they have Denny's in Japan (デニーズ). God help us all, but there are about 578 Denny's restaurants in Japan.
Despite being molested by Marie, I call Ashley from a pay phone and ask her to come to dinner at my place later this evening. I really need to talk... okay, see her.
Long story short, I get home to Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture). It was a Shinkansen (bullet train) ride, a regular JR (Japan Rail) train ride and then a quick 25 minute bicycle ride. I really have to pee. 
I have no idea what I make for dinner - it's not important.
Ashley arrives and we watch the movie Disorganized Crime. We eat. She's ready to go home when the move ends at 9PM.
By herself.
I have always ridden home to her place in Nishinasuno-machi (Nishinasuno Town). Of course, we were seeing each other then. Now... we've been broken up for 8 days by my calculations - 6 by hers - as apparently it ain't over until the woman says it is.
So... she doesn't want me to ride with her home. It was a safety thing. Or me just being gallant.
So she leaves.
I call her back to talk.
I wanted to find out 'why'.
Why did she break-up with me? I'm the type of person who learns from his mistakes, so I don't make them again. If I actually made any mistakes.
Ashley tells me that I was crowding her. She likes being alone, while I do not.
So... the closer I tried to get to her, the more she tried to to pull away.
And the more she tried to pull away, the closer I tried to get to her.
It was a vicious circle.
It's not you Andrew. It's me.
She didn't say that, but it sure feels that way.
How can I even be friends with someone who wants to be alone?
We talk a bit more, but everything I hear is how she wants to be alone. It almost drives me crazy...
She tells me I'm going to go crazy from the guilt one day.
(Hah! in 2011... I'm getting there!)
Ashley leaves at 10:30PM.
I go to bed. But I'm numb. I feel nothing as I drift into the nothingness of a paranoid sleep.

Somewhere wondering what I could have done differently,
Andrew Joseph
Today's tale is sung by the Blizzard of Oz, Ozzy Osbourne: HA-HA-HA-HA!

Calm Before The Storm

It's Sunday, June 2, 1991. I'm in Kobe-shi (Kobe city) having just finished a conference for the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. I've just broken up with my girlfriend Ashley - two days ago, but spent the day with her yesterday. I have no idea why. This isn't how break-ups are supposed to be, is it?
I'm in a hotel by myself while Ashley spends the night at a Japanese friend's apartment.
I was there last evening - had a good time with her friend's dad drinking beer and sake and just enjoying being around an adult with similar tastes to my own (the beer and sake). Still, there's no room for me at the apartment so I stay at a local hotel.
I'm up at 9AM, and am watching television when I get kicked out of my room at 9:50AM by the cleaning woman saying the Japanese equivalent of "Houeskeeping!"
I wait down in the lobby and am picked up by Ashley and Mayuko.
It's pouring rain outside and the weather seems to fit my piss-poor mood.
We drive to the Shin-Kobe-eki (Kobe Shinkansen/bullet train station) and buy our train tickets back home  via a coin vending machine. We're able to set up the tickets, the seats, the date and time and even the type of train car we want in minutes, as the stupid machine is in both English and Japanese. The rest of you are out of luck.
We then eat breakfast, go to a bookstore, take a few photographs and head back over to the train station and say goodbye to Mayuko.
We get on the Shinkansen bullet train and quietly read our books and magazines until we get home to Nishinasuno-eki (Nishinasuno train station). Ashley falls asleep on the train, but unlike in the past, she doesn't feel like sleeping with her head on my shoulder.
Despite us being broken up, that fact bothers me.
Arriving at the station at 7PM (trains are always on time in Japan), I note that our bicycles are still parked at a nearby apartment building - locked of course. For some reason I ask Ashley if she would have dinner with me at CoCo's.
It's still raining - some 500 kilometres away from Kobe. It feels like it's following me, which isn't overly surprising, as I have already developed the nickname of Ame Otoko (Rain Man) because of the wet stuff falling whenever I travel around this country.
We have a quiet, enjoyable time (by that I mean we don't fight). We go our separate ways from the restaurant, and I ride back to my city of Ohtawara, about a 20 minute bike ride to the southeast.
At home, I flip on the television and get out of my wet clothes and into a dry martini.
Actually, I had a Coke... but I have always wanted to say that line since I heard it on a Bugs Bunny cartoon. You can watch it all HERE.
(Of course, this cartoon did do a lot of parodies and stole the line from a couple of movies: SEE?).
I put away my clothes, read some letters and then do a load of laundry. I'm mentally and physically exhausted, so I go to bed early (for me) at midnight.
But, tired as I am, I do not fall asleep.
Something's wrong.

Somewhere awake,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Fall Out Boy, and was probably inspired by above quiet day.
QUIET.
PS: After the Kobe earthquake in 1995 when some 5,000 people died, I wonder if Mayuko and her family are okay - and even now, I still wonder. But, according to THIS SITE, it seems like their apartment building would have been okay. 

Sh-boom

Ashley & Mayuko - two women who did not sleep with me in Kobe.

I'm in a good mood today. I'm up at 7:45AM, it's Tuesday, May 28, 1991. I'm still in my first year of the JET (Japan Exchange &  Teaching) Programme, living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. I have a girlfriend named Ashley - from Augusta, Georgia... and while I am infatuated with her, our relationship is all over the place - sometimes fantastic, sometimes not, and for the life of me, I have no idea why. I'm constantly in a state of flux with her emotionally - and sometimes it doesn't allow me the opportunity to enjoy myself.
Think about it.... I'm in a new country meeting new people having totally wild and exciting times, and I still don't fully enjoy myself because I'm hung up on a girl from the U.S. while I live in Japan.
A 20-year retrospective makes realize just how much of a knob I was. But... as much of a knob I was, you readers know that after some 350 adventures here in this blog - I still managed to have a good time.
So... I am in a good mood today... I'm going to Kobe-shi (City of Kobe) for the JET renewer's conference - meaning I've decided to stay another year - and more importantly, the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) wants to have me around for another year. Remember... it takes two to Tango. Three to form a Conga line, but only one to do the Twist. Dance analogy or one for life?
I ride my bicycle over to Ashley's smallish apartment in Nishisnasuno-machi (Town of Nishinasuno), and together we ride and park our bikes at an apartment building close to the Nishinasuno-eki (Nishinasuno train station) - which saves us a few coins from having to pay at a locked bike parking lot.
We ride the local JR (Japan Rail) train up north a couple of stops to Nasushiobara-eki (Nasushiobara train station) where we can then catch a Shinkansen (bullet train) south to Tokyo and then grab another bullet train west to Kobe-shi.
I'm goofy. I'm having a good time filming the Shinkansen's and the people in them. To be perfectly honest, I no longer recall where I borrowed the camera from nor what I did with the damn film. Sorry.
I try to amuse Ashley on the train, but as is usual with her, she quickly becomes bored and says I'm annoying her.
Fine... I decide not to talk to her in case I annoy her - childish I know, but what would you have me do?
Half-way through the ride - as we head west to Kobe-shi, we begin to talk to each other. We play jan-ken-pon (Rock = Guu; scissors = Choki; paper = Paa) to see who gets to 10 first - but with each win, the other gets a kiss. By the time we get to 10 - I think she won (though I'm sure I did too), we make it to Shin Kobe-eki in good spirits.
Her friend Mayuko is there to meet us. She's cute, maybe 22 and speaks English flawlessly. She takes us (via her car) to the JET hotel.
I'm rooming with two others: Matthew (lucky me) and Doug Maitland (also from our prefecture)! Lucky us - we all get along together!
But, only Matthew joins Ashley and Mayuko and I as we go to a local Mexican restaurant for dinner.
Matthew and I, of course, had already grabbed a few beers apiece before dinner and grab a few more after it.
After a pleasant meal, we head out to a little jazz bar. Although all we all want is a beer, we are served appetizers as we sit down and are expected to pay for them... that's weird, but I guess that's instead of a cover charge. The music is good, though.
Afterward, the four of us head back to our hotel (walking). I do not receive a kiss from Ashley, and she wouldn't even tell me her room number - which pisses me off again. How am I supposed to do anything with my girlfriend if she won't even tell me her room number?
Back at the hotel room, Matthew and Doug each get a real bed with a mattress. I'm the lucky bugger who gets the fold-out bed.

Somewhere looking for revenge,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is sung by:The Chords: LIFECOULDBEADREAM
PS: Revenge on whom? The jazz bar that made us pay for appetizers? Ashley for no good night kiss et al? Mayuko for not falling for me right away? Matthew and Doug for giving me the fold-out bed? And where is Kristine South? Tune in tomorrow and find out.
PPS: Did you know: Just below the cockpit of the Enola Gay (the US plane that dropped an atomic bomb on Hiroshima) the words Sh-Boom were written? I did - back when I was maybe 10 and built a plastic model of the aircraft. I wasn't implying anything negative by the title - except that life COULD be a dream. Or maybe subconsciously I'm anticipating an atomic bomb to drop on my head.