Love Me Two Times

Here's an aside about what I was going through in Japan. I found a slip of paper stuffed into my diary, and it could have been written at any time within the first two years of my life living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. I've edited it a bit.

Why is it that I keep on getting women with self-destructive personalities chasing after me?

I effing hate it.

Is it because I'm the some-what nice stable guy with a good sense of humour who seems to have it going all around me? Wow... if they only knew. But then, maybe I would have it all together if it wasn't for them. Yeah... probably.

I have never really chased a woman in my life. I have lusted after them - sure. That's what being a hetero-sexual guy is all about. It's part of the genetic make-up. I've always, at least since arriving here in Japan, pretty much just sat back and let the chips fall where they may.

I wonder why I was so infatuated with Ashley. She was my first girlfriend here in Japan... and we met on our second day in Tokyo, Japan arriving in late July of 1990 - she from Augusta, Georgia, USA and me from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. She was 21, me 25. I was a virgin.

Not from lack of trying, mind you... or perhaps it was a lack of trying. I was always too damn shy to talk to women, let alone ask them out. The ones I did ask out were already my friend by then... a useless, no-win situation. Guys... if you are friends with a woman, but you want more, that's a tough road to travel. It can be done, but is it worth the hassle?

Guys usually want convenience... we'll take what is around us, unless something better comes along.

It's the only explanation I can come up with for not making a play for Kristine. Ahhh, Kristine. I met her essentially my first day in Japan. I was walking through the lobby of the atrium, when this ultra sexy kitten sitting on a couch with a pair of crutches beside her and her ankle all bandaged up shouted out to me as I passed by.

"Hey! Hi!" she said. I replied in kind, probably a tad stunned that someone as pretty as her would deign acknowledge my existence let alone start up a conversation with me.

She was/is pretty, smart and has a wicked sense of humour. She was a take-charge type of person, and having always been shy my entire life (despite having been a journalist for the Toronto Star newspaper - that was work, so it was different, I guess), I was only too glad to accept her invite to join her and her group for a look around Tokyo.

To be honest, I was actually very afraid to leave the hotel by myself... I was just going to look around the lobby and perhaps peer out the front doors to see what Tokyo was like. I had/have no concept of how to speak the language and didn't know what to expect from the Japanese. But that first adventure out with Kristine and the rest of her Kinki block kids... well, it pretty much set the table as far as what Japan and the Japanese were like.
Briefly, because I did write about it once before: HERE - we went out, got lost, saw a soapland massage parlour, saw a transvestite call out to us, nearly died (me, anyways) and then were led back to our hotel by a very nice Japanese businessman who went completely out of his for several kilometers to lead us back to our hotel.

Sex, death and kindness.

Kristine, unfortunately, lives 500 kilometers west of me. the distance is not conducive to having a relationship... because despite wanting sex, I also wanted a relationship. I'm pretty sure I could have got both from my special K, but circumstances of distance dictated otherwise.

That left Ashley... again, I have no idea why she felt the need to hook up with me that second evening, as all of the new assistant English teachers (AETs) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme got together for the first time with some of the returnees... but she did. It was her lead. I just followed.

I've always been a kind of go-with-the-flow kind of guy, much to my chagrin. I'm envious of those leader types.

People seem to think I'm a leader here because I am outspoken, everybody here in Ohtawara seems to really like me, I make friends easily despite not knowing how to speak the language, and also because I actually give a crap about what is going on in people's life--both the Japanese and us, gaijin (foreigners). I try to put people at ease. I try and listen to people and offer advice. It might not be the right advice, but at least I offer some and try to help.

You wouldn't believe how many female teachers I have had personal one-on-one conversations with since I arrived! It's like when I showed my shock at how much this place is a male-dominated society... that first day at my OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) office or my first day at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School)... I was politely asked by a woman if I wanted a cup of o-cha... green tea.

I had learned very early on before leaving Toronto that it's impolite to reject hospitality in Japan. I had already tasted o-cha, and wasn't overly impressed by it. Still, every day now for the past two years, I have had maybe six or seven cups of it a day. There are strong differences between the teas, as I am sure every place uses a different brand of green tea... and you know what, after about two days of seven cups a day, I started to like it, and would look forward to it... but here's my point.

It was only the female teachers or OBOE workers who would make the tea and serve it to the men. Ever. I went to help the women once, and was told by some of the male teachers not to. So I did it again the next day. That was when I gained the respect of every woman in that school.

I guess word spread like wildfire, because I soon had women--married and single--coming up to me to ask my advice about their sexist husband, boyfriend or how to find a man who wasn't a a sexist pig. I told some of them to look for a non-Japanese guy and pray he isn't a sexist pig.

Though I am of Indian descent (the dot, not the feather), I was born in London, England, and lived my life in Canada from the age of 3 to 25 before arriving here in this small little rice-field city of Ohtawara.

Indian men are pretty chauvinistic. The Brits were, though perhaps not this decade... and the Japanese men are... wow... what century is this? Despite my background, my parents raised me well. My folks shared everything. So, not every Indian is a sexist pig, because my dad sure as hell wasn't one.

Also... growing up in Canada, I've really only known what it is like to be a Canadian. I am Canadian. Though I think I am developing Japanese tendencies, as I often catch myself bowing in acquiesce while on the telephone. So... with good parenting and living in a much free-er society than most, I consider myself to not be a chauvinistic bastard. I certainly have never tried to take advantage of a woman, I'm pretty sure I never will.

But here... what the hell is going on? Now that I am out of those virgin doldrums - thanks Ashley! - I seem to draw women who are flawed. Needy. Unable to think outside of themselves to think about "us".

It really pisses me off.

The only time I did find a woman who thought about "us" was in Thailand, were two women dated me separately and together without jealousy or without any ulterior motive. It was go out, have fun together, share a few laughs, have physical contact - sex... it was no big deal... but let me tell you... it was a big deal.

Any guy who just wants sex is not a man. A real man wants it all: Go out, have fun together, share a few laughs, and then have physical contact... yes I just repeated myself, because it bears repeating.

Any man, or any woman for that matter, who just wants sex without any of the above... they are flawed.

Now... I admit that I have had sex with women without any of that other good stuff... but it was NEVER, ever by MY choice. Sure it takes two to Tango (three to form a Conga line, but only one to do the Twist), but when the flow of blood travels down from your brain to elsewhere and the woman is hot to trot, common sense tends not to prevail.

I'm talking about Japanese women and gaijin women.. each who have tried to get what they thought they wanted--sex--from me perhaps to validate their own pathetic existence.

But that's not what I am here on this planet for.

I am not here to validate you.

I am here to validate me... and despite liking sex a lot and being quite good at it, that's not the be-all and end-all for me.

I want - have always wanted to find the right person with whom I could be happy with the rest of my life.

I have chased after Ashley more than anyone else here because she was my first... and I suppose I feel some sort of stupid attachment to her.

But shy Shoko too afraid to come out and date me by herself... stalker chick, Junko who only wanted sex, sex and more sex... Karen who wants me for a boyfriend (tried to ingratiate herself with my mother--successfully), but I only want sex, and not her for a girlfriend, so we've not done anything yet... Cathy, who wanted to feel loved and thought by offering me sex would help her achieve that... and a host of others I have never mentioned to you before.

I think only Canadian girl Christine was the only one who had it together. She didn't want a relationship per se, but was confident in herself, and simply enjoyed sex... no strings attached. I messed that one up by allowing Ashley to come back to me.

I have never chased a woman... they have all chased after me, broken up with me and then got back with me.

I think it's because if you were stupid enough to let me go, I sure as hell am not going to chase after you. But, when you think you have your crap together and realize your life would be better with me included, then, if I am able, I might welcome you back.

I said might.

I'm getting older, and a tad wiser.

Maybe I should seriously start scoping out who I want to be with and maybe I should make the first move... that way I don't just have needy, psychotic women chasing after me.

Someone who is smart, charming, witty and beautiful.

Why can't I have it all? I have all of those characteristics, but via more masculine verbiage. I deserve it.

That's it! I'm going to do it.

Then I won't be such a miserable prick... at least that's how I feel internally. Poor Matthew. He's my buddy and fellow AET who lives here in Ohtawara with me, but teaches at the junior high schools outside of town. He puts up with my moody moods stoically and has done a great job of bringing me out of them. It's a pity I have allowed myself to slip back down whenever another woman tries to become involved in my life.

I'm not blaming the whole female species for me being less than happy internally. But there sure have been a lot of them. Why don't the non-needy ones chase me?

Maybe I should just forgo women for a while and just concentrate on enjoying Japan and Japan alone? That was why I originally came here, wasn't it? No... it was to get laid.

But, mission accomplished, by some 25+ different women. Not bad for a guy who had a girlfriend for a year and didn't cheat on her. Maybe I should be more like Canadian Christine... enjoy have sex when it's available but don't worry about it.

But you know what... when you haven't had sex until you were nearly 26... there's always that nagging feeling that the last time you had sex might actually BE the last time you have sex.

Somewhere, enjoying Japan for the first time--again,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by the Doors: MORRISONRULES!
PS: And you know what... I did do what I said I would do. I decided to forget about women for awhile, to spurn their advances, and not advance on them (not that I did). It took a little getting used to... but over the next little while, you will start to see a change in the way I started to live my life. You know what the only problem was? I developed a different type of stress.. one that only food could help.
PPS: Over the next little while: The rise of Andrew Joseph... which unfortunately means his stomach. But even that can't last. Nothing ever does with Andrew, he writes in the 3rd person narrative.
PPPS: So...I whine quite a bit in this entry. But that's okay. I'm sharing. I have nothing to hide. Nothing at all. I think it's time to start letting myself become more... me.

When The Levee Breaks

I'm going to combine a couple of days here because not a lot happens



Sunday, September 29, 1991. Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.



I'm an assistant English teacher on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme, and arrived here back in late July 1990.



... I'm kind of waiting to see what fallout there is from Ashley (my ex-girlfriend but current occasional sleeping partner) and Karen (who wants me for a boyfriend) going to Nikko-shi (City of Nikko) together for a few days.



At this time, I am unaware if either really knows anything about my involvement with the other. Ashley and I had hooked up on our second day here. Karen arrived a year later and hung out with my mother a month ago when she came for a visit. Worlds colliding!



Here's what is going on:

Ashley is from Augusta, Georgia, USA, brunette:

1. Ashley and I broke up about four months ago; 


2. We decided two months ago that we trusted each other enough that we could still sleep together;


3. She doesn't want a boyfriend... or not one who was crowding her;


4. She always came to my place, so I am unsure what crowding I was providing.

Karen is from North Bay, Ontario, Canada, redhead:

1. Karen and I met after I was part of Tochigi JET committee to welcome newcomers; 


2. Hot and heavy to start, she begged us to slow down so that we could first become boyfriend/girlfriend;


3. She hung out with my mom sewing pillow covers for my couch; 


4. She traveled with my mom ingratiating herself.

Shoko is from Ohtawara, Tochigi, Japan, raven-haired:

1. Shoko and I first met at a party hosted by the Ohtawara International Friendship Association;


2. May have joined my night school English class due to urging from mutual friend Naoko, whom my mom wished I was dating... or Karen... but not Ashley. She never met Shoko. I don't think my mom cares for shy girls for me; 


3. Tall, slender, shy and cute, she doesn't speak much English, but she likes Andrew. A lot;


4. She and Andrew have tried to make a date happen, but Andrew must have angered the gods, as the date has not yet happened.  

Andrew is from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, dunderhead: 

1. Was a virgin, but not virginal before arriving in Japan; He owes Ashley one cherry;  


2. Despite what Ashley wants, he can't stand losing, and wants her back as a girlfriend;  


3. Despite what Karen wants, she has some baggage, and he doesn't want a girlfriend;


4. Thinks he knows what Shoko wants, and thinks he wants a girlfriend.

You know what? If I had just stopped and made a list like this back in 1991, I would have realized just how stupid I was making my wonderful rife! Hell... should we add in Cathy, who just wanted to sleep with me (or maybe wanted a boyfriend)? What about Kristine, whom I adore, she likes me, would have slept with me, but I thought she might have been to good for me? Then there was Christine... she just wanted sex, but I just wanted to get back with Ashley (after we first broke up in November 1990). And what about the two Thai women - gorgeous Tookta and ravishing Boon-mee... I slept with them separately, and together! There was proof that I am good enough for anyone! What about Junko... my hot-to-trot stalker who had the looks and talent to put a Miss Universe to shame, provided the talent was sexual? There are still others, but most were just one-nighters!

Can't we all just get along? Like the two Thai chicks and myself? That's international fraternization!

So... I didn't even mention that I am teaching junior high school English at seven school here in Ohtawara. I also teach an English class to the Ohtawara International Friendship Association for a few bucks once a week. I play kyudo (Japanese archery). I am the editor and chief bottle-washer for the Tochigi JET newsletter The Tatami Times. I am the ear and conscience for many an AET who has troubles, concerns, or just wants to share a laugh. I don't smoke. Started drinking - but never at home. I never sleep, it seems, and when I do, it's not well. I've been hit twice by cars while riding my bicycle. I owned a motorcycle, but it scared the crap out of me so I sold it after only riding it once. I'm growing my hair and have it in a pony-tail. I'm charming, smart and very witty and have a huge ego thanks to all of this. Yet, I don't think I show off my ego, as I tend to be self-deprecating. It keeps me grounded. I love Japan. Japan loves me. I feel like I'm being pulled in a thousand directions all at once. Friends like James and especially Matthew help keep me pointed in the right direction.

Whenever I am in a state of flux, I clean my apartment. Today is no exception. I do laundry, vacuum, iron, go shopping for food at Iseya and then visit a small hobby store and purchase a video game for my Sega Game Gear hand-held system - it's a tank battle game.

I get it home, and everything is in Japanese. The instructions are in Japanese, but so too is the game play! What the hell does it say? 

Oh yeah... I speak Japanese like a six-year-old, and can not read or write the language... at least not at a level worth mentioning. Rather than spending my time studying the language, I am reading history books and talking to the Japanese to get as much data as possible on what Japanese life is all about.  Remember... this is 1991... before the Internet became full of information and porn.

I wonder what the hell Ashley and Karen are talking about?    

Now, it's Monday, September 30, 1991. I'm at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School, also known as Dai Chu /Big Middle). I love this school. yes, it's the largest of my seven schools, but I never feel lost here. I almost feel like a teacher here and less like a gaijin (foreigner) than anywhere else.

I have three classes today, and all of them are second-years... Grade 8 (13-year-olds). It's the same format as with most schools... good but a tad boring. I read the New Horizons textbook at normal foreigner speed, so that the students can hear what a normal conversation might sound like. Then I read it slowly so that the students can hear how the English words should be pronounced. Then the students read it together with me. Then students read it individually with me or with me providing positive feedback. There is always positive feedback. You never want to make anyone suddenly hate English because the teacher or AET was a dick.

Lunch is natto. Natto is rotting fermented soy beans. We mix in some soy sauce and some hot mustard with the natto and then pour the gloopy, smelly mess onto a bed of hot rice and eat away with chopsticks.

From what I've been told... the eastern and northern parts of Japan will eat natto, but the western part - no way in hell. 

Most gaijin won't eat it, but... for myself... I now look at stuff like that and say, yeah... I have to eat it. The Japanese often expect gaijin to not eat or like certain foods or drinks, because they are not Japanese... but dammit! I came to this country to blow away stereotypes! Gaijin don't eat natto? Screw that! I'll eat it and tell you it's delicious!

To prove a point, or perhaps because the natto destroyed my tastebuds and sense of smell, I take home three packets of natto (my natto was packaged in a small 3" x 3" styrofoam package about one-inch deep. The natto had a thin, but thick clear plastic film atop it, and came with a small plastic package of soy sauce and one of hot mustard that sat in the package atop the film.

The school even packs a couple of tupperware containers of rice for me. So... at home... I have two packages of natto for dinner. And one for breakfast.

Since I have night school tonight, I make sure I gargle the hell out of my mouth to wash the bad breath away. And... it's a very good thing I do. I now have 19 women in my class (and five men). The women are getting younger and hotter.

Shoko is there, and man does she look yummy. So I ask her out! I also give her a birthday present (forgive me, but I did not note what it was that I gave her!). She says yes... but I'll call her and set it up!

Matthew comes over and we watch an episode of Magnum PI. When he leaves, I call home and thank my dad for the Spanish phrase book that I can use to converse with a Peruvian student at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) the next time I visit. 

Somewhere expecting the other shoe to drop,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is sung by Zeparella: WAITFORIT.

PS: When the Levee Breaks is a Led Zepellin song, but they didn't write it! It was written by Memphis Minnie and Kansas Joe McCoy. I'm unsure if it's Kansas Joe from Kansas or Missouri. Anyhow... Zeparella... chicks rocking out to a Led Zep cover! They're pretty and pretty good!  

One For The Road

It's Sunday, December 9, 1990 and I'm at the Kanemaru residence in the village of Kurobane which is south east Ohtawara (Although I believe in 2005 it joined up and became a part of Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City)).
I'm awoken at 7AM... and because I'm still young and stupid, last night's drinking does not hurt me. Never had a hangover in my life, in fact.
Breakfast is that old standby:  dinner leftovers (beef stew) and a quiche and we're out of the house at exactly 9AM.
Oh yeah, I had the mustard plaster removed from my back along with pretty much all of my back hair and skin... but skin pain aside, the muscles and bones feel pretty good.
As we head out on the highway, I'm still unsure where we're going. Tomahiro is feeling a little sick, but what is alarming is the fact that he isn't wearing his seatbelt beside me in the backseat. He says he doesn't ant to, and his folks (I love'em to death) don't seem to mind because they don't say a word.
Kanemaru-san's white Nissan Cherry Vanette (see photo below) has something on it that causes a bell to go off if the vehicle is driven over 100 kilometres per hour (kph). Man, that would drive me crazy. However, just to show he's a rebel, Kanemaru-san checks out my tolerance levels by driving no more and no less than 101 kph.

Okay, I finally realize that we are driving out to Ashikaga (southwest Tochigi-ken) to see the oldest school in Japan - it's supposed to be 500 years old.
When we arrive, I think it looks pretty darn good for its age. At the entrance/fee place, I pick up a brochure. It says Kurita Museum. Whoops. It's a pottery museum, and once you get past that fact, it's a pretty neat place.
next we spend 30 minutes looking for a place to eat lunch - Japanese food, of course,and I have tonkatsu (breaded pork cutlet) which is now my favourite food. Oink.
We then drive out to the school. Honto (Really). We park, walk up to the entrance and discover that it is closed today. It's time's like this when I am very glad I don't understand everything I hear because Mrs. Kanemaru was giving it to poor Kanemaru-san.
We then decided to go home... or so I thought. We parked again and stepped out onto the set of a television NHK samurai drama called Taiheiki about a guy named Ashikaga Takauiji, the first shogun of the Muromachi Shogunate in the 14th century.
The set looks exactly like a real old village, but it was built only two months ago.
Click HERE for some photos of Ashikaga.
Home is the next target. I think.
Kanemaru-san is falling asleep at the wheel. His wife, who can drive, is afraid to do so on the highway. We're all going to die. Tomahiro really should put his seatbelt on.
Anyhow, after a couple of packs of Golden Bat cigarettes and a few coffee breaks, we finally head of the highway at which point the missus takes over behind the wheel for the last 10 minutes of our trip back to my apartment.
I'm tired and really need to pee, so I trudge upstairs, open the door and walk into the bathroom, neglecting to close the door - why? It's my place.
Just as I'm about to finish, I hear someone call my name.
Peeing everywhere, I scream in mortal fear!
It's Ashley.
She said she spent the night waiting for me to show up after she and Matthew spent the night drinking at the local 4-Carat before they both crashed at my place for a while.
Anyhow, long story made longer, we're now back together. She tells me couldn't get me out of her mind, and in an attempt to do so she burned all of my photographs. Apparently that voodoo trick didn't work.
Anyhow, after we consumate our togetherness, I wryly think to myself that I've just been with three women in four days. I love Japan. I hate Canada. Not really, but I assume you know what I mean.
Sleep is no longer an option because while Ashley and are are working out our problems, I'm also in entertainment mode. Tim Mould calls. Matthew Hall calls. Kristine South calls. My parents call. Yeesh. Thank goodness Christine L. didn't call.
After I ride back with Ashely to her place and then an hour later ride back to mine, it's 2:10AM and I have to get up in four hours.

Somewhere wondering how I'm going to top this week,
Andrew Joseph
PS - Today's title is delivered by Judas Priest, and it was chosen only because the title presented triple entendres - which is why I created this blog in the first place. LISTEN if you dare. Man I have strange taste in music.
PPS - I just need Kristine to miraculously show up my place tomorrow. I can dream, can't I? It's been that kind of week. Too bad it's over.

I, Me, Mine

To say that my ego was getting swelled would be an understatement.
I'd just got lucky with a Japanese teacher, and was about to do the same with Christine once she arrived at my apartment later that night from Saitma-ken (Province of Saitama) thereby giving myself the name Ohtawara Stud.
Ego.
But first, let me tell you how that Friday started. I forgot I had an office day today and need not have gotten up so early. Since I'm up, I check out my goldfish - only to discover that my heater overheated and fried my fish. Well, that was depressing.
At the OBOE, I present Hanazaki-san with a large wooden mask I had purchased previously. It was supposed to be for Ashley's birthday a couple of weeks ago - but she broke up with me. What's up with that?
Ashley collected masks. At this point in time, I wasn't collecting anything except fish corpses. Three years later I was heavily into ukiyo-e (120-year-old plus Japanese woodblock art prints), Japanese baseball and soccer cards, coins, stamps... the list goes on. 
Anyhow, the office loves the present--I'm now the official office superstar--and  I'm told it will hang on the wall in the Superintendent's office. I sit down and begin writing reports on my time at the schools - eight weeks worth. I guess I'm a little behind.
I tell my office about my goldfish, my broken vacuum cleaner and my ex-girlfriend, but deign not to tell them about the Japanese teacher and the other woman coming over tonight. I also tell them of my cold apartment. Hanazaki-san asks if I'd like to change apartments... is he kidding, me? No way! In an informal survey of the other 53 (or so) AETs living in Tochigi-ken, I have by far the largest place! I can put up with a little cold if it means living large in luxury.
Hanazaki-san takes me next door to a political assembly meeting where I'm acknowledged by Mayor Sembo and the OBOE for what I assume is my hard work.
After work, I clean up my apartment in preparation of Christine. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but Friday night came and went. We both got what we wanted, but there was no emotional attachment, and that felt crappy - especially because this time I was sober. As opposed to last night.
I feel empty. Drained but empty.
On Saturday morning, I was up and early and often and performed my duties again and again  - after all, Christine did travel over three hours to visit me.
While I showered, Christine answered the doorbell. This time it wasn't Kanemaru-san or any of my students - nope, it was the Jehovah's Wittnesses. Swear to kami (God). Her Japanese language skills were superb (she was on her third year on the JET Programme--she was also eight years my senior, but you'd never know it from looking at her--and she managed to get rid of them without having to take a Watchtower. At least I hope they were J.W.'s - that girl had a dirty sense of humour.
There was also a package outside the door from my family. There was no letter, but plenty of important items like: tinned corned beef, cookies, pate, jam, gloves, sweaters (I had thought Japan was a sub-tropical clime... and parts of it are, but Ohtawara is just like Toronto but with less snow!), some ear muffs (which I gave to Christine  - bye, thanks for coming). It was nice, but I would have traded it all for a letter.
I ride the JR (Japanese Rail) bus to the Nishinasuno train station with Christine. Yes, it was just a one-night/morning stand, because I had places to go and people to see.
Like go on a homestay at Kanemaru-san's house! 
Before he comes over to pick me up, Matthew drops by. I brag to him about the past two nights - and he calls me a bastard... as I think I beat him to the punch with the Japanese women. Of course, he's married to a Japanese woman now - the lovely Takako - so I think he's finally okay about my luck now.
Matthew leaves, Kanemaru-san arrives and I drag my keyboards along with me.
Along the way, we two stop off at a Pachinko Parlour - I blow 3,500 yen in about 30 minutes, while Kanemaru-san does the same in only 20 minutes.
As soon as I arrive, I am jumped upon by Tomahiro, the youngest Kanemaru son who begs me to play the Chibi Maruko Chan song. he has the music, and ever since I fist watched the show a few months ago, I've been unable to get it out of my head. I'm tapping my toes right now as I write this 20 years later.
I have to transpose the music from Katakana Do-Re-Mi into Romaji's Do-Re-Mi, and then convert it to musical notes. I guessed it was a C-Major tune, and after successfully playing it again and again and again, Tomahiro was convinced I was the best thing since Japanese rice (aka the West's sliced bread).
After dinner, Mrs. Kanemaru - having heard of my back pain - gives me a great massage and applies a mustard plaster to my aching back (made worse by all of the action the past few days). (It's tough kid, but it's rife).
After guzzling a half bottle of sake (rice wine) and a half bottle of white wine, I pass out at around 11PM. By the way, dinner was a really yummy-wicked beef stew... I'm guessing they made that especially for my gaijin (outsider/foreigner) tastebuds - I don't tell them I've been designated an official Nihonjin (Japanese person) because of my new found ability to eat natto.
My bed consists of two futons piled atop each other (the norm in Winter), three blankets and two quilts. As well, my bed was pre-warmed by a heater - not mention all of the alcohol in my body.
Tomorrow, I think we're going to the city of Utsonomiya or the city of Ashikaga.
I have no idea, and at this time, I don't care.
More importantly, why didn't anyone tell me about the two futon thing? My back would hurt less and I might be warmer!

Somewhere thinking that the streak has ended at two,
Andrew Joseph
PS - Today's song is by The Beatles - EGO
PPS - I'm not sure why I'm not showing you a photo of Christine and why I am instead showing you a photo of myself at the Ohtawra Board of Education. For the record, this photo is taken during my third year, and I am making a face on purpose because I know Hanazaki-san is trying to take my picture. When you are known as a joker, you have to keep up appearances at all times and at all costs. Ugh. But what a cost. That's one ugly picture! Let's call it a karmic even up - considering today's blog content.
PPPS: By the way, the chili con carne I cooked up for Christine was too hot for her, though the 1988 Beaujolais was fine. She hated the episode of the Simpsons we watched - hated the show, actually and didn't care for the Star Trek: TNG episode that I had previously watched with Ashley that had made her cry. I noticed Christine and I didn't have a lot going on except the horizontal (sometimes vertical) mambo.

The Birds And The Bees

Let me tell you 'bout Kaneda Minami Chu Gakko (Kaneda South Middle/Junior High School).
The second time I visited this jewel of a place was on December 3, 1990. Every week I visit one of the seven schools from Monday through Thursday - spending more time at the big schools like Ohtawara Chu Gakko aka Dai Chu (Big Junior), Wakausa or Nozaki than I do at the smaller schools like Sakuyama or Chikasono. Kaneda Kita (North) and Kaneda Minami are considered to be mid-sized schools.
The main English teacher at Kaneda Minami is Hayakawa-sensei. He's got a great dry wit, and I enjoy chatting with him very much.
I only have three classes to teach on the Monday - and five more all week - because the kids have exams. Unlike a lot of other schools, I actually do some team-teaching - and it feels like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing here in Japan.
School lunch is the infamous rotting soy beans called natto. For the first time ever, I eat it and don't even make much of a fuss. I'm told by one of the students that I am no longer a gaijin (outsider) but am now a Nihonjin (Japanese).
Hunh... and all I had to do was eat natto!
Tuesday... I have two classes. All I do is read questions to them for their exams. It takes 15 minutes - and then they study. One of the classes is a third-year-class - they seem totally nervous about tomorrow's exam, and well, who can blame them?
After lunch while I'm sitting in the teacher's office, two girls drag their friend up to me saying that she loves me. What, I ask. Love you, they repeat. They then spell it out in English letters with their bodies contorting all over the place. Cute. They said all three of them want me to be their boyfriend. What would Jesus do?
Since I'm not Jesus, I said sure. I mean, why not? It's all a joke, right? I probably won't have to do anything except treat them nice which I would have done anyways. As expected, they giggle a lot and run away.
Later they come back and invite me to come and watch their volleyball club after school. It's fun and I think I wreck their club activity by spending too much time talking to them all. Only girls - boys don't play volleyball in Japan. At least I've never seen any who do.
The important thing is that they are speaking in English and are doing a fantastic job of it. Obviously I've only been here to this school on one other occasion so I can't take ANY credit for this - until the Principal finds me and tells me that all of the kids in school have shown terrific improvement since I first visited, as all of them wanted to learn better English to communicate with me. Shucks. I guess I have made a difference - and hopefully years from now I will re-read this diary entry and know that I didn't waste my time in Japan.
So, what is it with this school? Why have they gone An-do-ryu crazy? Are all of these girls hot to trot after me? Why weren't they in my school when I was a kid? Oh yeah, because they were two years-old.
At home I talk to Kristine for two hours. We talk about nothing and everything. I wish she was here now.
They next day it's cold so I sleep in 15 extra minutes. I only have one class to teach, so I end up writing six letters to friends back home. Why does no one have e-mail or the Internet over here? I hear it's something people are just starting to use back in Canada! Japan may be a technologically savvy country, but it hasn't trickled down to Ohtawara yet.

At lunch I eat with a third-year class (my girlfriend's - see photo to the right - Noriko, Rei & Yuka - I taught them to do the thumb's-up instead of the typical vee-sign the Japanese always do in photos)) who specifically requested me. All of the 14 girls stare at me longingly and blush when I glance at them. It's wonderful to be someone's fantasy. And, although the Kristine of 2010 has no recollection, she also said it to me last night in 1990. So, I've stolen her line.
Because this week is just after a team-teaching AET (assistant English teaching) seminar which prior to leaving for, Ashley broke up with me, and I hooked up with a woman from Edmonton - named Christine, my mood is light, to say the least.
Break up with someone, travel that same day to another province and hook up with another woman. I love this country.
Now, along with the Christine hook-up, and the Kristine telephone dial-up, and all of the hung-up female students at Kaneda South (also Kristine's last name - South, that is), somebody is trying to tell me something.
Wednesday has a flu-riddled Ashley come over (she thinks we have kyudo (archery) today, but I accidentally on purpose neglected to tell her it was canceled. Yes, I'm an immature piece of crap. But, I did want to see her - which is why Kristine always said she would have dated me if I wasn't so screwed up over Ashley.
Bang.
Sorry... I just shot myself in the foot.
Bang.
Both feet.
Anyhow, on Thursday, I check out a teaching demonstration on the use of computers in the classroom. It's really quite cool and I can see this being an integral part of class rooms perhaps by the year 2000.
Having never entered a school since 1996, I have no idea if this has come to pass or not!
Thursday night there is a school party for the teachers which I am invited to. The enkai (party) is a real blast. I eat basahi (raw horse meat!) and ikka kuchi (squid mouth), drink lots of beer and have 12 shots of sake (rice wine). I know I'm hammered, but when Miss Akemi (Ch/Kristine) Takita (the volleyball coach) comes over to pour me a glass of sake, she says I'm a nice guy - and that she's a nice girl - and that all of the other teachers are acting like sukebe's (perverts). She has no idea who she is talking too.
After the party ends, some of us (her, too) go to another bar near my apartment (all of Ohtawara's bars are near my apartment) for karaoke, dancing and drinking, but not necessarily in that order. Akemi is playing grabby leg with me, so when she says let's go, we head back to my place.
She spends a couple of hours with me ensuring that I realize just what a freaking wonderful country this is.
After she leaves at 10:30PM (I told you they like to party to the wee hours of the evening!), ten minutes later Christine calls telling me she's coming from Saitama-ken (province of Saitama) tomorrow to see me.

Somewhere you can't make up stuff this good,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title, sung by Jewel Akens, can be seen and heard HERE.
PS - As of now, this feels like the best week ever  - and it still ain't over yet. I still have to tell you about Friday, Saturday and Sunday! All this is good even though all of my plans to go to Thailand with Tim Mould have fallen through - Ashley is going, though, and while I'm not happy about not going anywhere for Christmas vacation, I'll get over it. Read THIS old blog to see how that went.
PPS: I know... not the photograph you are expecting, but this is my favourite photo of Kaneda Minami... it's just outside the entrance of the school and has a female student (a girlfriend) walking home alone along the road.