When The Levee Breaks

I'm going to combine a couple of days here because not a lot happens



Sunday, September 29, 1991. Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.



I'm an assistant English teacher on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme, and arrived here back in late July 1990.



... I'm kind of waiting to see what fallout there is from Ashley (my ex-girlfriend but current occasional sleeping partner) and Karen (who wants me for a boyfriend) going to Nikko-shi (City of Nikko) together for a few days.



At this time, I am unaware if either really knows anything about my involvement with the other. Ashley and I had hooked up on our second day here. Karen arrived a year later and hung out with my mother a month ago when she came for a visit. Worlds colliding!



Here's what is going on:

Ashley is from Augusta, Georgia, USA, brunette:

1. Ashley and I broke up about four months ago; 


2. We decided two months ago that we trusted each other enough that we could still sleep together;


3. She doesn't want a boyfriend... or not one who was crowding her;


4. She always came to my place, so I am unsure what crowding I was providing.

Karen is from North Bay, Ontario, Canada, redhead:

1. Karen and I met after I was part of Tochigi JET committee to welcome newcomers; 


2. Hot and heavy to start, she begged us to slow down so that we could first become boyfriend/girlfriend;


3. She hung out with my mom sewing pillow covers for my couch; 


4. She traveled with my mom ingratiating herself.

Shoko is from Ohtawara, Tochigi, Japan, raven-haired:

1. Shoko and I first met at a party hosted by the Ohtawara International Friendship Association;


2. May have joined my night school English class due to urging from mutual friend Naoko, whom my mom wished I was dating... or Karen... but not Ashley. She never met Shoko. I don't think my mom cares for shy girls for me; 


3. Tall, slender, shy and cute, she doesn't speak much English, but she likes Andrew. A lot;


4. She and Andrew have tried to make a date happen, but Andrew must have angered the gods, as the date has not yet happened.  

Andrew is from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, dunderhead: 

1. Was a virgin, but not virginal before arriving in Japan; He owes Ashley one cherry;  


2. Despite what Ashley wants, he can't stand losing, and wants her back as a girlfriend;  


3. Despite what Karen wants, she has some baggage, and he doesn't want a girlfriend;


4. Thinks he knows what Shoko wants, and thinks he wants a girlfriend.

You know what? If I had just stopped and made a list like this back in 1991, I would have realized just how stupid I was making my wonderful rife! Hell... should we add in Cathy, who just wanted to sleep with me (or maybe wanted a boyfriend)? What about Kristine, whom I adore, she likes me, would have slept with me, but I thought she might have been to good for me? Then there was Christine... she just wanted sex, but I just wanted to get back with Ashley (after we first broke up in November 1990). And what about the two Thai women - gorgeous Tookta and ravishing Boon-mee... I slept with them separately, and together! There was proof that I am good enough for anyone! What about Junko... my hot-to-trot stalker who had the looks and talent to put a Miss Universe to shame, provided the talent was sexual? There are still others, but most were just one-nighters!

Can't we all just get along? Like the two Thai chicks and myself? That's international fraternization!

So... I didn't even mention that I am teaching junior high school English at seven school here in Ohtawara. I also teach an English class to the Ohtawara International Friendship Association for a few bucks once a week. I play kyudo (Japanese archery). I am the editor and chief bottle-washer for the Tochigi JET newsletter The Tatami Times. I am the ear and conscience for many an AET who has troubles, concerns, or just wants to share a laugh. I don't smoke. Started drinking - but never at home. I never sleep, it seems, and when I do, it's not well. I've been hit twice by cars while riding my bicycle. I owned a motorcycle, but it scared the crap out of me so I sold it after only riding it once. I'm growing my hair and have it in a pony-tail. I'm charming, smart and very witty and have a huge ego thanks to all of this. Yet, I don't think I show off my ego, as I tend to be self-deprecating. It keeps me grounded. I love Japan. Japan loves me. I feel like I'm being pulled in a thousand directions all at once. Friends like James and especially Matthew help keep me pointed in the right direction.

Whenever I am in a state of flux, I clean my apartment. Today is no exception. I do laundry, vacuum, iron, go shopping for food at Iseya and then visit a small hobby store and purchase a video game for my Sega Game Gear hand-held system - it's a tank battle game.

I get it home, and everything is in Japanese. The instructions are in Japanese, but so too is the game play! What the hell does it say? 

Oh yeah... I speak Japanese like a six-year-old, and can not read or write the language... at least not at a level worth mentioning. Rather than spending my time studying the language, I am reading history books and talking to the Japanese to get as much data as possible on what Japanese life is all about.  Remember... this is 1991... before the Internet became full of information and porn.

I wonder what the hell Ashley and Karen are talking about?    

Now, it's Monday, September 30, 1991. I'm at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School, also known as Dai Chu /Big Middle). I love this school. yes, it's the largest of my seven schools, but I never feel lost here. I almost feel like a teacher here and less like a gaijin (foreigner) than anywhere else.

I have three classes today, and all of them are second-years... Grade 8 (13-year-olds). It's the same format as with most schools... good but a tad boring. I read the New Horizons textbook at normal foreigner speed, so that the students can hear what a normal conversation might sound like. Then I read it slowly so that the students can hear how the English words should be pronounced. Then the students read it together with me. Then students read it individually with me or with me providing positive feedback. There is always positive feedback. You never want to make anyone suddenly hate English because the teacher or AET was a dick.

Lunch is natto. Natto is rotting fermented soy beans. We mix in some soy sauce and some hot mustard with the natto and then pour the gloopy, smelly mess onto a bed of hot rice and eat away with chopsticks.

From what I've been told... the eastern and northern parts of Japan will eat natto, but the western part - no way in hell. 

Most gaijin won't eat it, but... for myself... I now look at stuff like that and say, yeah... I have to eat it. The Japanese often expect gaijin to not eat or like certain foods or drinks, because they are not Japanese... but dammit! I came to this country to blow away stereotypes! Gaijin don't eat natto? Screw that! I'll eat it and tell you it's delicious!

To prove a point, or perhaps because the natto destroyed my tastebuds and sense of smell, I take home three packets of natto (my natto was packaged in a small 3" x 3" styrofoam package about one-inch deep. The natto had a thin, but thick clear plastic film atop it, and came with a small plastic package of soy sauce and one of hot mustard that sat in the package atop the film.

The school even packs a couple of tupperware containers of rice for me. So... at home... I have two packages of natto for dinner. And one for breakfast.

Since I have night school tonight, I make sure I gargle the hell out of my mouth to wash the bad breath away. And... it's a very good thing I do. I now have 19 women in my class (and five men). The women are getting younger and hotter.

Shoko is there, and man does she look yummy. So I ask her out! I also give her a birthday present (forgive me, but I did not note what it was that I gave her!). She says yes... but I'll call her and set it up!

Matthew comes over and we watch an episode of Magnum PI. When he leaves, I call home and thank my dad for the Spanish phrase book that I can use to converse with a Peruvian student at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) the next time I visit. 

Somewhere expecting the other shoe to drop,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is sung by Zeparella: WAITFORIT.

PS: When the Levee Breaks is a Led Zepellin song, but they didn't write it! It was written by Memphis Minnie and Kansas Joe McCoy. I'm unsure if it's Kansas Joe from Kansas or Missouri. Anyhow... Zeparella... chicks rocking out to a Led Zep cover! They're pretty and pretty good!  

That's The way (I Like It)

I'm at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) again - today September 27, 1991, Friday.

I have three classes today, and one of them is a team-teaching demonstration in front of all of the English teachers in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan plus the whole Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office is there.

I'm unsure if they are there to watch the English teacher or me. Probably me. The whole point, I am sure, is to determine whether or not gaijin (foreigners) are a plus or minus for the students here in this city.

Whatever. I'm not nervous because all I can do is do what I do.

The class went very well, despite the students being nervous. Miss Iso, the first-year class' English teacher was also very nervous--she confided in me afterward. I suppose she was, but it wasn't evident to me.

Who could blame the kids and teachers for being nervous... there were an additional 25 adults in the class! I am curious as to why they chose Wakakusa as the school. Tomura-sensei is the school's head of English, and a finer gentleman and speaker of English may not be found in the city. Well... Shibata-sensei of Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) is also excellent, as are Nagashima-sensei... hell... come to think of it, each school has at least one fantastic English teacher! While some of the English teachers in Ohtawara-shi may not be the greatest of English speakers as far as pronunciation goes (that's a big reason for me being here!), their teaching skills are sublime.

The demonstration lesson was nothing fancy - we just did what we usually did. Repeat after Andrew, Andrew helps students with pronunciation, helps students with written work, makes a few jokes and tries to relax everybody, and always ensures they know that us gaijin are every bit as human as they are. It's called internationalization, and to be honest, along with interacting with the everyday populace of this city and beyond, I'm also trying to help lay the groundwork (along with the rest of the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme that hired me as an assistant English teacher) so that this generation of kids doesn't feel like gaijin are special or different... but are instead just people like them who love, laugh, cry, get angry, and who want to do the best job in life possible.

Hey... I know what my real job is here in Japan, and I do it quite well. No one hates me. No one mistrusts me. People like me and enjoy my company. I fit in without becoming Japanese.

Ken Sasanuma (Sasanuma-sensei), a young, very cool guy from Chikasono Chu Gakko (Chikasono Junior High School) presents me with some photos he took of my last visit to his school. We had a blast with his students at this very old fashioned-looking school with it's wooden floorboards and walls!

Here's a blog on my activities of the the old-man hobby if bonsai! HERE

And where are the photos of pinching trees? Somewhere in this old house... I've seen it recently, but that doesn't mean I can find it!

In the photos, I have a beard. It also shows us going out to a bonsai (Japanese tree bondage... that's what I call the miniaturizing of trees) master's farm, with me forcing a tree to bow to my will.

The OBOE bows and smiles to me, but doesn't say anything to anyone... except thanks... and then leaves.

Back home... it's raining a bit... Matthew calls and comes over to make me get off my butt and go to Matsuri restaurant for dinner. There we meet a couple of his junior high school teachers. Matthew is an assistant English teacher on the JET Programme who lives five minutes away from me in the city, and who teaches at I think five junior high schools just outside the city. Matthew also fits in quite well, despite being a thin 6'-3" strawberry blond American! He knew some Japanese language before arriving, and quickly found himself a gorgeous girlfriend in Takako Kurita.... who Matthew said yesterday that she was moving to the capital city of Utsunomiya today.

He doesn't mention anything about it... but perhaps that's because two of his teachers are there at the place plying us with lots of sake (Japanese rice wine) to drink.

By the way... now in 2011, I'm having a nice chilled glass of sake while I write this. I love the stuff! I had never had it before arriving in Japan back in late July 1990.

Matthew and I are both pissed by 10PM, at which time I bet Matthew that my ex-girlfriend and current friend-with-benefits, Ashley will be asleep when I call.

He's afraid to take that bet.

I'm unsure if he's afraid I'll blab that he and I were betting on her, or that he believed she might actually be asleep at 10PM on a Friday night. That, sweetheart, is why you are single.

Anyhow, despite being drunk, I'm not stupid or completely mean. I know she's asleep. She always was when she wasn't with me. I suppose that's fine... some people just need more sleep... but dammit... she's 23!.. look at Matthew and I! We're out having a drink with some locals... being one of the guys! We're not hitting on women... though anyone of us four could if we wanted too! We're just soaking up local and gaijin culture!

We're not sleeping away our life here in Japan. There will be plenty of time to sleep when we're dead!

(In 2011... I'm now 20 years closer to that sleep... I am so very, very tired... damn sake!)

I still enjoy her company and the sex... but dammit I wish she was more energetic!

At midnight, we say our good nights and stagger home. Matthew left his bike at my place and hopefully doesn't ride into any rice fields on the way back home. I know there aren't any rice fields between my place and his, but he is as hammered as I am... and besides... Ohtawara, like all the small towns in this country... has its sewers covered by removable cement blocks that act as sidewalks.... and they aren't always set in place... or, in a few instances, even there.

I stay up until 2AM and do my crossword puzzle while drinking Coke until I am sure I am no longer drunk.

It's been a great day of fitting in, and just being me.

Somewhere I like it,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by KC & The Sunshine Band: UH-HUH.
Forget the sexual lyrics... it's just a peppy song and I feel good, for goodness sake.  

Somebody To Love

I have four classes today - September 26, 1991. I'm assistant English teaching here at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.
I'm still feeling bloody tire... a feeling I haven't been able to shake for maybe three months now.
Last night's squawk with Ashley my current friend-with-benefits and former ex-girlfriend. It didn't hurt, but it sure didn't help me get to sleep because all I could think about was how great it was. Ashley may never achieve my level of whit, but she seems to know how to get me going, just as I do her. It kills me that we aren't a couple anymore.
Some of the girls in the third-year class drop by the teacher's office with a Where's Waldo book. As luck would have it, I actually have a copy of Mad Magazine with me that has a parody of Waldo! They think it's sick but very funny.
Comedy! Ahhhh... it really does break down a language barrier! I think it's how I have managed to not only survive but somehow thrive these past 14 months in Japan.
Back at home, I try to relax. My eyes are dead tired, but I watch a lot of videos from back home in Toronto.
Kevin - that poaching bastard calls me to discuss the events of last Saturday night. That was when I asked Matthew (and his girlfriend Takako) to intervene on my behalf to get him the hell away from the Japanese foxy  woman who was trying (successfully) to pick me up. As soon as he started speaking his fluent Japanese, I had lost. Why would a woman want to struggle with broken English and Japanese when she could talk Japanese?
The obvious answer would because she would have been with me.
I wish it were that simple.
Sometimes I think the Japanese women would just like to score with a gaijin (foreigner)--any gaijin--just to say that they have done it. I think that's why every single guy who goes to Japan (with me being the lone exception) has come here thinking that having a Japanese girlfriend is the first thing they need to do.
I don't know if that's true. I never asked a Japanese woman, as I was always too busy grunting and rutting.
I know that's a contradiction... but I had zero expectations of anything upon arriving here except that I was probably going to die because I had no idea who to shop, cook, clean, launder... anything - plus I had never had sex before... so why have any expectations except more failure?
Also... I had hooked up with Ashley on my second day in Japan - not knowing that she lived in the town next door, or even what her name was until 24 hours later.
Anyhow... why would I want to talk with Kevin. I am so angry, but tell him I am too tired to talk. I wonder if he understands just how pissed off I am? I hope so.
I had spent the first 24 years of my life being picked on and put down. Once I hit college, I changed and vowed that would never happen again. It's why I fight back... or at the very least seek revenge.
Childish? Maybe. But that's me.
My buddy Matthew calls, telling me that Takako is going to move out and live in Utsunomiya-shi (Utsunomiya City), the capital of Tochigi. He says she is moving out tomorrow. Oh.
He's very vague on the details, but I would suppose something happened at home. I don't press him for details despite every fiber of my journalistic being demanding I do so. He's my friend and I know he's hurting - hell, I am too... Takako has been nothing short of a godsend as a friend for me, too. I figure if there is more to all of this Utsunomiya stuff, then Matthew will tell me when he's ready.
Next on the new assistant English teacher Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme list is yet another woman.
It's Letiticia. I wanted to wait a while before calling her because she is just so god-damned beautiful, sexy and smart and dammit all to hell, every single guy who wasn't just interested in Japanese girls wanted to be with her. Hell... me, too. But this wasn't a girl I could simply dazzle with bullcrap. I had to let her see what Japan was like first.
It had only been two months for her here in Japan. I figured she would have been hit on by every single Japanese male in the prefecture... and she was. Despite many being handsome devils, not one could measure up to the leggy 5'-11" brunette goddess with gorgeous curls down past her shoulder blades.
She had curves in all the right places, had a wicked smile and beautiful brown eyes that made me melt whenever I looked at her face and those gorgeous cheekbones. She was the total package, and every bit the looker.
If I thought I would have a shot before, I would have taken it.
I just figured that time in Japan would help even the odds in my favour. She had already noted that she didn't want to date a Japanese man. Preconceived notion, perhaps. Or perhaps she was just afraid of being in a relationship with a sexist pig. Hello... every single healthy heterosexual guy on the planet looks at a woman as a sex-object. Every single one of them. I was an above average healthy heterosexual guy... but despite being okay-looking, I felt that Letiticia was out of my league. Kind of like Kristine... my one woman I would give anything to have dated - as a real couple.
But here's the thing about Letiticia. Although she had only first arrived here in very late July (28th or something like that)... she had already gone back home to the USA. She had gone for a week, and was back a day ago... which was why I called her this evening.
Tonight she seems a tad giddy - or air-headed... but perhaps it's jet-lag... or maybe I make her nervous... in that good way (he's so handsome and he wants to ask me out) or the bad way (he's creepy and he wants to ask me out).
Like I said... she went home last week... and guess what? She bought ME some comic books because I said I love them... including Donald Duck - my personal favourite because he doesn't wear pants! That made Letiticia laugh and snort for the first time in her life when I mentioned that joke to her a month ago.
I don't know WHY she went home. Homesick. Needed some medical stuff done... whatever. She wasn't offering and I wasn't prying.
There's a theme isn't there?
She says she'll save them for me when I come and visit her. Is she serious? If I start riding my bicycle now, I could be there by 3AM! If I knew where the hell I was going, of course... but I'm pretty sure I could find her if I focus in on the apple blossom smell of her hair.
With Letiticia... I am in 'severe like'. I remember that I got that term from the Humber College hottie Carloyn Chaulk. She was sexy! I hope she has done well in life.
James "Jimmy Jive" Dalton (another JET newbie) calls me up with an update on the travel plans for us. He - after two months -  is already a great friend. He's the only guy on the program funnier than myself - thank god he can't write or this whole blog would be a complete waste of time and energy.
You know it takes an hour to write these blogs on MY life... but up to six when it's something special like the MISS UNIVERSE one or the one on GEISHA or SAMURAI? Word.
James says that no matter what, December 26th is our departure date. Cool! We're either on for Singapore or Thailand. If it's Thailand, I know two lucky ladies who are going to get another opportunity to spend quality time with me... and each other. James is a good-looking guy... he can find two of his own.

Somewhere Waldo is found,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Jefferson Airplane: SLICK... plus here's the original version when Grace Slick was in The Great Society: ORIGINAL. The original is psychedelic... but it's from 1965... and not acid trippy as the later version. The Great Society version is LIVE... and the title is the same as the blog.... however, The Great Society studio version was originally called: Someone To Love.
And that's your history lesson for the day.

Can't Explain

Today is Wednesday, September 25, 1991.
I'm living in Ohtawara City, Tochigi-ken, Japan working (sometimes) as an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.
My dad calls at exactly 7:10AM just as I asked him to yesterday. Because I have a female student who speaks Spanish, I thought I could get a few lines from my dad to help me look smart and charming.
However, my dad says that rather than just tell me a few phrases, he'll send me a book.
I'd have preferred the quick fix because I'm only at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) until the end of this week and won't be back for a month or more, but still... it's better than nothing.
I have three classes today. As usual, they all involve me reading from the English text book and having the class and then individual students repeat it.
I'm really tired today, but I survive because really, what other option do I have?
At lunch, I play with the mentally challenged kids (I always eat lunch with them when I visit this school... I have to admit, despite their learning disabilities, these kids are so much fun and lively, and are always playing practical jokes on myself and the other kids and teachers... it warms my heart!).
Because they have to do some chore or something, I find some first-year students to play with. It's raining, so all of our activities are indoors.
I then look out for and find the Peruvian girl. She nearly dies laughing after I say that one of the boys is "loco de la cabeza" (in Japanese it's 'Atama no kurutta')", which if I recall my Speedy Gonzales cartoons, it means 'crazy in the head'.
Ahh... it's good to be the king!
After school, I ride over to my back doctor for an adjustment, though I still feel tense when he's finished. Oh well, at least I no longer ned to wear the back brace I had brought with me 14 months ago.
Next, it's over to my kyudo (Japanese archery) club with my ex-girlfriend Ashley (who now better serves me or us as a friend-with-benefits), and one of my Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) supervisors, Kanemaru-san, who is teaching both of us archery. We both suck... or rather I do. Ashley's not so bad at it. She's a lot better than I am and it pisses the hell out of me considering I bragged to the Japanese about my sports dominance back in Canada.
Oh well... if the Japanese are smart (and they are), they simply have to look at the sports dominance of the USA versus Canada and know that the Yankees are a whole lot better than us Canuckleheads. Of course, Ashley isn't a damn Yankee... she's a southerner from Augusta, Georgia.
Having said all that, I hit a bullseye on my first shot.
Then, because form and technique are everything in Japanese society, Kanemaru-san begins to teach me the proper way to hold an arrow in my bow. Damn, but that feels a lot better! My finger no longer hurts!
Of course, I don't hit the target again for the next hour, but at least my form is good.
That's kind of what gets me about Japan. I finally succeed in shooting an arrow and hitting the target dead-on, but because it doesn't conform to the Japanese way, I am deconstructed.
Fortunately, my other supervisor Hanazaki-san, did not attempt to change the way I hold my chopsticks. Round about my first week in Japan - certainly the second day I ever spent at the OBOE office, Hanazaki-san took a pair of pencils and taught me the correct way to hold them as through they were chopsticks.
Now... perhaps because my hands were a little wider or longer, I couldn't grip those pencils the same way as he, and therefore had to create a different grip for myself. I showed it to him - and he said if it works for you, then maybe Japan could learn from Canada.
My test with the chopsticks involved me having to pick up slick, raw shelled beans with them.... if I could do it quickly by picking them up from one bowl and then into another, then my style was golden.
I'm still awaiting my royalty cheque from having taught the world a different chopstick grip. Excluding my pinkie finger and index finger, I use the two middle ones and my thumb to grab food as fast or faster than the Japanese.
Back to the point - kyudo: Because I am tired, my eyes are, too... or maybe it's the other way around.
When we finish, and Kanemaru-san drives Ashley back to my place. She hangs around and watches a couple of Mission Impossible episodes (original series) and one of McGyver.
I figure she's hanging around for a reason, so I sit beside her on my couch and cop a feel. My grip must be good because I feel no pain, though there is the odd moan evoked.
She doesn't seem to mind (or say a word) as I unbutton her blouse and move her bra out of the way... as I time it perfectly for the end of McGyver, because as soon as it's over she jumps me!
We head for the bedroom and without going into details (which I have actually written down here in my diary), we come out gasping for air 90 minutes later marveling at how good that felt.
Not an idiot, despite what I have written under the name of the whole blog, I suggest that maybe we can do it more often.
She smiles, and in her usual understated way simply says, "maybe." No capital 'M' either. Now that's understated.
It's also so friggin' Japanese. The Japanese have a hundred different ways of saying maybe, including the infamous sucking of air through the teeth... which is all done rather than saying 'no" and possibly disappointing someone. Is Ashley turning Japanese?
If not, at least it wasn't a 'no'. But if the endorphins weren't kicking in, perhaps it would have been. Who the hell knows what she is thinking? Probably that we are just friends-with-benefits. But I want more. The king wants more!
I ride my bicycle back to her place. Tell her I enjoyed the evening, and ride home floating on a cloud.
Oh yeah... while I was making the moves on Ashley, Kevin called wanting to talk with me about last Saturday night. That was when he kept trying to poach the Japanese woman I was chatting up - and doing quite well with - until he butted in and started speaking his fluent Japanese drawing her out of our broken English/Japanese chat. Bastard.
I tell Kevin I have my hands full with some things now (and I do, too, thank you Ashley), so he suggests we chat tomorrow. I say okay.
What the hell is there to talk about? Bastard. Just don't ever get in my way again! Stupid gaijin.

Somewhere riding the high,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is sung by: The Who: MINDMINDMIND

With A Girl Like You

Welcome back to my life spent in Japan beginning in 1990.

Today is a fantastic day. It's warm - not hot - and I'm visiting a great school called Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School). I am an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme and have been living in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) here in Japan since very late July of 1990.

It's Tuesday, September 24, 1991, and I spend a weekend sleeping with two women—one my ex-girlfriend and current friend with benefits, Ashley, and Cathy a new arrival on the Programme who likes me more than I like her... so I had to try and let her down. It went well, as far as I am concerned, but somehow I doubt it's that easy for her. I'll have to call her tonight to make sure she is okay.

Anyhow, as a result of all of the alcohol and sex, I am super tired. Satisfied, but tired - despite going to bed early yesterday. 

At Wakauksa (one of the seven schools I visit for a week at a time), I arrive at 7:30AM, as they have an early outdoor assembly. 

Later, I am introduced to a Peruvian girl whom I think thought I could speak Spanish. She is extremely pretty and friendly and I hope like hell she will be able to fit in here. 

There's an old Japanese adage: The nail that stands up gets hammered down. While I hope she fits in, I hope she maintains her identity.

I have four classes today. Despite being stupid tired, I enjoy the opportunity to do what they are paying me to do—show the kids that English can be fun and that non-Japanese people are not scary ogres. At least I'm not an ogre.

After school, I call my dad and leave a message for him on the answering machine to call me at 7:10AM tomorrow. I want him to give me a few Spanish phrases to use... something more than the Speedy Gonzales cartoon phrases I know.

I go to my night school English conversation class that I teach on the side with the blessing of my Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office who pay my JET salary. The nigh school class is organized by the Ohtawara International Friendship Association and have been quite helpful in helping me have fun in this city!

Today's lesson is a lot of fun, as everyone seems to be in a great mood. 

Shoko is there. She is tall and looking damned sexy tonight. Her legs are the best I have seen on a woman - ever! Shiny! Sorry... I'm drooling.

She and I have been trying to hook up on a date for far too long. She had my phone number and tried to call me a week ago - but I stupidly stepped out for a minute and must have missed her call. I don't have an answering machine. Shoko is the first Japanese woman I have met with whom I could see me having a relationship with. 

She's shy, but smart, funny and gorgeous. I have no idea why she wants to do out with me, but I assume there must be some cache in dating the local gaijin (foreigner). 

I assume there could also be some backlash in her dating the local gaijin, too... and I am aware of that... but my buddy Matthew doesn't seem to have that problem by dating Takako. 

Of course... they can communicate better in Japanese and English than Shoko and I can. Still... there does appear to be some chemistry. Did you know that I failed chemistry back in Grade 12 high school. I failed more classes than that - including English in Grade 11 (or was it 12). Now I'm a writer! 

Feeling brazen and full of guts for the first time in my life, during a break in the lessons,  I walk up to her (and those legs!) and quietly ask her for her phone number.

As class ends, Shoko walks beside me and slips me her phone number as we round a corner on the stairs so that no one can see that we are interested in each other.

I go home, watch TV and think about Shoko.

Somewhere everyone knows we are interested in each other,

Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is brought to the world by The Troggs: BABABABABA

PS: With Shoko on my brain, I forgot to call Cathy.

PPS: Ashley didn't call me... but to be honest, I didn't even realize that at the time.

I Wanna Be A Cowboy

It's Monday, September 9, 1991.

Along with my girlfriend Ashley (or maybe we're not boyfriend/girlfriend and just in it for the benefits), we participated in the Yoichi Nasu Kyudo (Japanese archery) Matsuri yesterday.

I actually hit a target—just not my own. Oh well...

When I did hit that target - everyone at the tournament gasped with shock... how could a gaijin (foreigner) play our sport so well! And then when they saw it was not my target they all unclenched their sphincters.

I'm just guessing.

The Japanese are a notoriously proud people - as well they should be. But to ensure that you - the gaijin - are aware that what your are seeing, doing or wearing is actually Japanese, they will refer to it as a Japanese so-and-so.

Examples I can easily toss out are: Japanese rice; Japanese chopsticks; Japanese kimono. It does seem, at first glance for a guy coming over from Canada, to be completely ridiculous, as these items in Canada are simply known as rice, chopsticks and kimono.

I supposed that if I were at a Chinese restaurant I'd be eating Chinese rice with my chopsticks while wearing a Chinese kimono. Or Indian rice with my Indian chopsticks (also known as fingers) while wearing my Indian kimono (sari).

I get it... There are other countries that offer a similar product (Korea does have a kimono - though I doubt they call it one), and the Japanese just want to ensure you/me/us know that it is of Japanese origin - and that everybody stole it from Japan.

That's a paraphrase from a Gilligan's Island television episode:

Gilligan: "I thought it was Chinese water torture."
Japanese Soldier: "They copied it from Japan."

I love that line... even though they had a guy with an Italian name play the part of the Japanese soldier - Vito Scotti.

Anyhow... I'm feeling blah! It's an office day because all of the recent school festivals meant the students weren't doing enough work... so they wanted to keep me out for a day to help teachers and students get back into the swing of things... or something like that. I usually got explanations for things, but often it was tell me where I'm going and who cares about the explanation, as I knew it would be a difficult thing to have translated for me.

It looks like the typhoon is about to hit - again. I go into the Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office - and the first thing I tell all all of the anxious faces is: "Dame!  Ze-ro" (essentially, "no way - zero" ). I explain all of my bad luck yesterday - leaving out the sex, and everyone gets a chuckle because it is rather funny, and I have a big grin on my face as I re-tell the days events.

Kanemaru-san invites me to participate in another kyudo tournament next weekend. I actually want to participate now... but I have committed to be part of some JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme dance event in Nikko.

I go home at lunch and do some more of my puzzle... it's not coming as easily as the last one that I seemingly did in my sleep one evening, as my brain took over and just kept slapping down piece after piece until I forced myself to regain control.
 
I write another letter to my brother Ben, and receive one from my gal Kristine who lives 500 kilometres away. Brains, beauty and a fantastic sense of humour - she always seemed too good for me, and 20 years later, I congratulate myself on being correct.

Back at the OBOE office - I goof around some more. I do some work on a couple of stories, and do a few puzzles. It's a nice change of pace from being on the go and being so in-demand nearly every day. I don't mind that, but it is nice to do nothing and get paid for it.

I ride home in the drizzle and sit amongtst my messy apartment and do more of my puzzle. I am actually unaware as to when my apartment finds the time to get messy, as it seems like I tidy up every day. God! Am I anal retentive neat? My parents would have a heart attack if they knew that, because I have always been messy. I guess now that I have people (and especially women) going in and out of my place, I want the place to look like it belongs to a guy who knows how to look after himself.

I watch some sumo (Japanese wrestling) on television and then race off to teach at my night school English conversation class for beginners that I do to make some extra cash on the side. Basically, it helps pay for the food Ashley and Matthew consume. :)

I have four new students tonight... all female of course. The majority of my class is female. I'm not complaining, but I really do think that most of them spend the entire time there making eyes at me and then demurely lowering the head when I look at them.

Of my new students, two are actually from Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) - but unlike any I've met at that school... these ones do not understand anything I say... even when I ask them: "What is your name?"

They point at their nose, as if to grasp that I am indeed talking to them... I am... I'm looking right at them and have leaned in close. But... they can't even answer that until my other students translate for them.

But that's okay... it is a beginner's course, afterall. Why would anyone come here if they didn't need to be here? Not for me, I hope.

My other two students are women in their late 40s or early 50s... I really seem to have a look cougars like - horny.

Not surprisingly... Shoko is absent. She and I were supposed to go out for a date last Friday. She was to have called me and told me when and where. She did try, but I must have missed her call. That sucks... but I hope she isn't avoiding me?

Last night Naoko came over to talk. Naoko likes myself and Matthew - but just as friends. My mom visited here last month and was really quite disappointed that Naoko and I were only friends, and spend an inordinate amount of time looking for a husband for Naoko if I wasn't going to step up... and I wasn't.

Shoko and Naoko are friends. I explained what happened, and I assume that now Shoko knows. It wasn't me being malicious or afraid or anything like that... just crappy timing.

At break, while everyone goes off to chat, I sit at my desk by myself and wonder what the hell I am going to teach them tonight. I really should come up with a teaching plan, but I have always preferred to just wing it!

I decide to teach them some very difficult 'tense' material... but the class keeps surprising me and gets most of it.

I ride home after class, take a whiz and then go over to Matthew's place to watch a television show - Robin Hood - until midnight. It's a good but not great program, because the archery in it... is not Japanese.

Somewhere this Indian wants to find a kimono-clad Cowgirl,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by: Boy's Don't Cry: YOYO

 

 

Dinosaurs of Japan

Author's collection of dinosaur fossils

Today I am speaking to you from 2011. It's been some 18 years since I last lived in Japan as a junior high school assistant English teacher in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture). Now 18 years is a long time ago, but in the grand scheme of things, it's barely a drop in the bucket.

I've been interested in paleontology ever since I can remember, well, anything. I am interested in dinosaurs and what they ate and how they lived and died.

In Japan, I was lucky enough to find a couple of like-minded individuals... who shared my passion for fossils... as well as one such person who shared a passion for me.

A teacher at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) who knew nothing of me, showed me some of the  fossils he found while on a vacation/dig in Argentina a year ago. Seeing my fascination to finally touch a fossil for the first time ever--and realizing that I also knew a fair bit of paleontology, he presented me with a few pieces from his collection... ... some sea life gastropod shells, a sea ammonite... and my favourite—a portion of a spine bone and a partial rib section of a dinosaur I'd estimate to be the size of a chicken. I have no idea what the heck it is, suffice to say that I love them.

Down in Utsunomiya-shi (Utsunomiya City), the capital of Tochigi, I happened to stumble upon a traveling dinosaur exhibit one day—perhaps one of the only times I traveled successfully by myself. I purchased a few small shards of dinosaur eggshell—a Hypselosaurus found in France, from the Upper Cretaceous period of 80,000,000 years ago. I also spent most of the money I had on me for a large chunk of rock that was cracked open (and shaped to a globe), containing two trilobite fossils. How do I know they are real? The smell... the rock and fossil smell like nothing I've ever smelled before... it smells ancient... and it smells exactly like all of the other fossils I have (mentioned in this blog in the paragraph above and below).
 
Later, with my girlfriend Nobuko (the one who shared a passion for me), we drove to a place where we could dig our own fossils up, called Mine-shi (Mine City) fossil field in Yamaguchi-ken (Yamaguchi Prefecture). Granted the majority of fossils people could find are of the odd bug and leaves, it was still exciting. Take it from me... of the 30 people there, only I managed to find a near complete fossilized leaf. Everyone else only managed to find detritus... specks of leaves. Nobuko, to her credit, had no interest in dinosaurs or fossils, but knew I did, so going on such a big trip with me and for me spoke volumes.  

Anyhow, glancing at my fossil collection (photo above), it got me thinking... just what type of dinosaurs roamed Japan? No... I'm not talking about Godzilla, Mothra, Rhodan or Gamara.

There have been relatively few dinosaur bones found in Japan. Those thathave been found have been from the prefectures of Hyogo, Hokkaido, Fukui, Mie,Kumamoto and Fukushima.

Among some of the dinosaur fossils found are:

• a Spinosaurus, aTyrannosaurus-like carnivore, 17 meters long, sixtons in weight;
• Tanbaryu and Mamenchisaurus (aka Titanosaurus) - the largest known Japanese dinosaurs, were herbivoe, sauropods with names like Tanbaryu and Mamenchisaurus .The Mamenchisaurus is thought to be the largest and oneof the oldest dinosaurs that lived in Japan. It lived 120 million yearsago and reached a length of 20 meters. Fossils of these creatures havebeen found in Katsuyama, Fukui-ken. Tanburyu fossils been found in the in the Tanba area of Hyogo-ken and Mie-ken. It to is guesstimated to have lived 120 million years ago.
• Hadrosaurus—an 85 million-year-old skull of a seven-meter long, duck-billed,herbivorous  found in the a mountainsin Mifune-machi, Kumamoto-ken. 
• The oldest mammal fossils found in Japan have been dated to 136 millionto 140 million year ago. They came from three small shrew-like speciesfound near Kobe in Hyogo-ken.

There is also a pair of dinosaurs that seem specific to Japan, a herbivore and a carnivore named Fukuisaurus and Fukuiraptor, respectively.

Fukuisaurus

The image to the right is a Fukuisaurus, which translates from Latin to English into Fukui Lizard.
This herbivore is 4.7 meters long, with the top of its head at perhaps 2.0 meters. It's weight is estimated at 400 kilograms. Discovered in 1989 in the Kitadani quarry in Katsuyama, Fukui-ken, its full name is Fukuisaurus tetoriensis.
Fukuisaurus is a relatively small species and is bipedal, but could go down onto all fours.
The dinosaur lived during the Lower Cretaceous era of 99- to 121 million years ago.

Fukuiraptor

The Fukuiraptor's name means Fukui plunderer/thief. (See image to the left). Considered a medium-sized carnivore alongside its more famous kin—the Velociraptor--featured in the Jurassic Park films and books. It lived in the Lower Cretaceous period of 99- to 121-million years ago. About 4.2 meters long, as judged by the skeletons found, scientist are convinced that all fossils found so far are those of juveniles, and thus have not yet determined the true height or weight of the  creature. This specimen caused some confusion upon its initial discoverybecause its hand claw was mistaken for the killer claw on the foot of adromaeosaur. It is now considered to be a basal member of the Allosaurus family.

A more recent find in Japan, is the oldest known plant-eating lizard, consisting of a 130-million-year-old jaw and skull bones found in Ishikawa-ken (see map of Japan). Known as Kuwajimalla kagaensis,

and based on the size of the skull, scientists estimate it measures between 10 to 12 inches (25 to 30 centimeters) inlength. Before the discovery, the oldest known plant-eatinglizard was Dicothodon, which lived in North America about 100 millionyears ago.
Even today, fully herbivorous, or plant-eating lizards arerare, with only about three per cent of modern lizards belonging to thegroup. Nowadays, most lizards eat flesh, usually insects, or a combination offlesh and plants.Those lizards that are herbivorous, eat flowering plants, or angiosperms, whosebuds and leaves are typically softer than non-flowering plants.
This Kuwajimalla kagaensis fossil could therefore indicate that angiosperms were already in existence and perhapswidespread millions of years earlier than what had been previously thought.
"By finding this particular fossil from Japan, it might suggestthat flowering plants were already there, but we don't have directevidence yet," states study team member Manabe Makoto (surname first), of the NationalScience Museum in Tokyo.

Somewhere sniffing dinosaur fossils,
Andrew Joseph
PS: In the top most photo, you see some fossils in a shadow box. My wife and a friend of hers did that for me just a few weeks ago. Awesome!

Free Bird

I'm at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakausa Junior High School) today, Wednesday June 26, 1991. I have another four English classes to team teach - and it's tiring, but at least it beats being back in Toronto having to find honest work during the recession.
Here in Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara) in Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), this school is the only junior high school that has separate classes for the mentally-challenged kids. I eat lunch with them every day - it's fun.
Today I played the piano for them - Bumble Bee Boogie - in their class room.
I notice that some of the kids are playing a joke on their teacher - but I shut up and let them go about their business - because what the heck! I love a good joke, too.
Because Japanese kids serve lunch to their fellow students and teacher in their class - the same holds true here. They pile a lot of cheese onto the plate of one bot who absolutely hates cheese! The look on his face is priceless! As well, they add about 10 chopsticks - of different size - to the plate of their teacher! Riot!
I play with the kids for a bit after eating - and then it's the typical clean-up time when all of the kids clean their class room and hallways before heading out to play.
Because the teacher's have a meeting, I'm taken home early - as the meeting is all in Japanese - and despite being called a teacher, I sure as heck am not one. For one thing, I'm better paid than a veteran 20-year-teacher. Truth. Sad but true, folks. I believe one such teacher - Mr. Inoue over at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) once confided his salary to me... it was the equivalent of $26,000 a year. I made $36,000 a year as an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.
Back home, I ride out to my back doctor and feel quite good afterward. Back home I eat dinner and go to kyudo (Japanese archery). I haven't played much since being hit by two cars in separate incidents last autumn. Part of it has been a reluctance to participate because I'm not as good as I think I should be - even as a beginner, but also because I did bugger up my shoulder.
Kanemaru-san (Mr. Kanemaru), who is one of my bosses at the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) is the one who got me involved in this sport - and I feel as though I have not only let myself down, but him as well.
Tonight, however, I shoot well . I don't know if this was a bad thing, but I placed the arrow's feather through my lips to smooth them down. I have no idea if it helped or not, bit I did shoot better. Maybe that's my good luck thing. Still, despite the good shooting, I tire easily.
Kanemaru-san has been instructing me on form... and while I do have some strength back, the whole bow and arrow thing scares the heck out of me. He tells me that my form is pretty good - and that's half the battle in kyudo.

While I figure I tire easily due to a lack of practice in using certain muscles, the Ohtawara Kyudo Club feels that I should be using a bow that requires less brute strength to pull it.
The ego in me likes having the heaviest bow in the club, but the reality of the situation is that despite being the big, bad gaijin (foreigner), I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I defer to their wishes.
They then try to give me a two-finger archery glove - but I prefer my three-finger glove as it seems to help me keep my face out of the way when I draw the string back.
I shoot well all evening, and remember all of the form techniques one must master to shoot properly.
As such, before I leave for the evening, I tell them I want to shoot at a real target (60 feet away?) in two weeks, rather than the practice one that sits eight feet in front of me. Kanemaru-san says "okay". His English is getting better, as he an I didn't have to use the Japanese to English dictionary all that much today.
I'm psyched at my progress today.
Tim Mould calls me up. He's the Kuroiso-shi (Kuroiso City) Boys High School AET. He asks me to write a letter to the new AET who will be coming to his city to teach junior high in August. What the heck? I like to write. And I seem to know what I'm doing as an AET.
I try to call Susan St. Cyr regarding the last weekend at Disneyland and about life, but she's not home. I call Mary Mueller up - she was the leader of the Tochigi-ken JET AETs - and though she is with a guy named Peter, I still have a major crush on her. I could listen to her talk for hours and hours, and thanks to her ability to carry a conversation, I frequently do listen to her talk for hours and hours.
Oh yeah... before kyudo, I went to the Iseya grocery/department store near my home and ran into some students from Ohtawara Chu Gakko. They followed me from one store to another (Mimasuya) and then back to my apartment. They followed me up the elevator and to my apartment door and then came into visist for a while.
It ticked me off - because despite me telling you readers everythging about my life, I still enjoy my privacy. So I called my other OBOE boss, Mr. Hanazaki.
He immediately called the principal of Ohtawara Chu Gakko, and then called me back to say that it won't ever happen again.

Somewhere again starting to feel like I belong in Japan,
Andrew Joseph 
Today's blog title is by Lynyrd Skynyrd - because I feel uncaged today - plus I'm licking bird feathers on arrows. ICAN'TCHANGE

Trees

It's Tuesday, June 23, 1991.
This is going to be a great day.
I'm teaching at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) this week. I'm an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme living in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan.
Yesterday I volunteered to purchase a bunch of goldfish for an aquarium that was being set up for a class of special education kids. It's my way of making the kids feel good about their local gaijin (foreigner - me!), and I suppose it's a way to make myself look good in the eyes of the local Japanese. It's not that I need to make myself look good - the folks here already think I'm a nice guy - and I am... but perhaps it's more to make myself feel good about myself.
I've not been all that happy lately. I've been quite lecherous. Aside from hitting on anything in a skirt, I broke up with my girlfriend Ashley Benning of Augusta, Georgia a couple of weeks ago. To get over that, I flirted with a Japanese university student who was at Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) last week who was there on a week-long internship. It was an amazing week of sexual depravity that ended with the beautiful Junko (pronounced Junn-co) falling hard for me. So much so that she stalked me - following me first to Tochigi's capital city of Utsunomiya, and then down to Tokyo Disneyland. While she was all up for dropping out of school and having my children (really), I couldn't let her do that after only knowing her for less than a week. It ended badly down in the Fantasyland section of Disneyland.
I was down there with my flaky ex-girlfriend Ashley and a couple of other AETs - and I suppose Junko was jealous. She had every right to be jealous, because my plan was to get Ashley back to have sex with - not to have her be my girlfriend. I guess I wanted to have my flake and to eat it too.
Add in a fair amount of drinking that had been going on for a few months topped with a lack of sleep, and I wasn't exactly the person I used to be when I first arrived in this country. Besides... while all of this was going on, I think I still had a major crush on Kristine South... a beautiful American woman of Japanese descent who lived 500 kilometres away from me. I was actually too afraid to tell her I liked her, as after nearly one year here, all of the women I have slept with or been out with have asked me out. I suppose I can wait until Kristine asks me out for a visit. It's only a matter of time, right?
All I could think of was myself. But... I was too full of myself to see that. Hindsight of 20 years is far clearer, however.

Early in the morning, I catch all of the goldfish I had in my own aquarium and place them in a container to take with me to Wakakusa. I take them to school, and after saying ohaiyo gozaimasu (good morning) to the principal and vice-principal (and showing them my present to the kids), I march over to the special education room to present them with my great gift.
The kid's teacher takes the bag of fish and dumps them into the aquarium.
There's no fanfare. No thank-you's. No gathering of the kids to stare at the fish. Nothing. I'm so completely surprised that all I can do is smile, bow and take my leave back to the teacher's office.
I have to teach four classes of English today. Each class is long and I'm exhausted by the end of the day. Oh well... at least I have my dinner date with Ashley to look forward to tonight.
I arrive back home at 5PM, with Ashley arriving at my door an hour later. She looks pretty nice to these horny eyes.
We head out to a local restaurant called Tsubahachi - at least that's what I think it's called. I can't read my writing in my diary!
We eat, but talk very little. There's no drinking either except for the complimentary water. I pay for dinner. We come back to my apartment. Watch an episode of Designing Woman I have on tape. And then she leaves.
There was no small talk at my place. No hug or a kiss good night. No thank-you for dinner. Nothing. She rode home back to Nishinasuno-machi (Nishinasuno Town) where she lives about 25 minutes away to the northwest.
When we were dating I always rode back with her to her place to make sure she was safe, but tonight she wanted no such help from me.
What a piece of crap day. I'm also out of booze at my place. So I go downstairs to the local liquor store located directly below my third-floor apartment and pick up a large bottle of sake (Japanese rice wine).
While watching more videos of Western television sent to me from back in Toronto, I finish the bottle. I clean up my apartment but am so drunk I think I make more of a mess. Naturally, now that I'm drunk, I figure it's time I gave my bonsai - a Japanese Maple tree - a trim. I accidentally cut off a limb that may have been growing for 70 years.
The phone rings at 10PM, but when I answer it, there's no one there.
I'm in bed by 12 midnight wondering why everything sucked today.

Somewhere a tree is falling in a forest,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Canada's Rush!: OPPRESSION. I think the lyrics fit.

PS: Your author seems to be having a pity party and no one showed up except himself.
PPS: Yes, that's my photo of a raindrop hitting a barrel of water containing some downed Japanese red maple leaves in it. It seems to fit the mood of today's blog.

Signs

It's Monday June 24, 1991 and I'm at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) in my city of Ohtawara in Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture). I'm an assistant English teacher on the Japan Exchange & Teaching Programme, having arrived in Japan back in late July 1990.  
I am so freaking tired.
Not only has it been a whirlwind past few weeks involving the break-up of myself an my girlfriend Ashley Benning, but I've had a week-long fling with a Japanese university student named Junko who turned out to be a tad possessive and who stalked me down to Tokyo Disneyland this past weekend. I had to pretend to be bisexual - which turned her off. Women - have been causing me to drink more than a healthy dose or seven of alcohol, and I'm really quite stressed about the fairer sex. While I still have a smile on my face every day, the smile is strained, as I am not feeling as chipper as I did when I first arrived here almost a year ago.
I'm also not sleeping much. I did have a dream about Ashley last night, though - extra horny.
It felt real - like she wanted me back as much as I wanted her back. I could feel her breath, her lips, the wetness of my tongue on her cherry red ni-... well... you know what a sex dream is.
When I awoke at 6:30AM, I cracked my neck seven places to the right and two places to the left - and felt better for having done it.
At school, I played baseball with the students and learned from the teachers that the Special Education kids are setting up an aquarium.
I love fish. (Here in 2011, I've been killing fish for 42 years).
This is the only junior high school in Ohtawara-shi (of seven in total) that actually has a specific separate teaching arrangement for these mentally-challenged kids. The other schools - they tend to make then stay in the regular classes - which may be good for their self-esteem, but the school work is far above their capabilities.
Anyhow... for some reason I ask if I can buy these kids at Wakakusa the goldfish for their new aquarium.
The teachers say yes.
Looking back (in 2011)... I'm unsure WHY I did this - except to thank them for letting me hang out and eat lunch with them at lunch... but perhaps it would have been better if these kids got to pick out their own fish. It never entered my mind back in 1991.
After four classes, I go home - driven by Tomoura-sensei (teacher) - the head English teacher and good friend. Despite being mentally, physically and emotionally tired, I ride my bicycle out to Nakada's pet shop and buy seven goldfish - one for each kid, plus one for my own aquarium at home. I put all of the goldfish into my own aquarium until tomorrow morning when I will head back to Wakakusa.
At home, I talk with Mari Ann about my upcoming trip to stay with her a night before we are to go and get our work Visas and check out a party at the Canadian Embassy in Tokyo. I also talk with Ashley about a dinner date with her tomorrow. I am pretty excited about it!
I head out to my night school conversational class and try to teach them the concept of time - it proves to be rather difficult.
I go home and watch a few videos. The telephone rings - I pick it up, but there's no answer on the other end. But I do hear quiet breathing.

Somewhere not seeing the signs,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by: the Five Man Electrical Band, a 1970s rock group from the Canadian capital of Ottawa. SIGNS

The Boys Are Back In Town

It's Sunday, June 23, 1991. I've just broken up with my girlfriend Ashley two weeks ago and I've broken up with my week-long sexual fling Junko who had stalked me to Tokyo Disneyland yesterday.
Pimpin' ain't easy.
I'm up this morning at 9:30AM. I clean my apartment trying to get rid of the smell of sex that permeates the air thanks to Junko. I do this so as not to frighten away the next woman who is sure to come along - as I have yet to ask a woman out here in Japan.
I've been here for nearly 11 months and it's been a fool's paradise, with me being the fool.
I do two loads of laundry (especially my sheets) and clean out my aquarium.
I call home to Toronto and talk to my mom and dad and get more details about my mom's trip here to Japan. As soon as I hang-up, my friend John Kutchera calls to tell me about his trips here to Japan.
These two visitors are going to severely cut into my 'dating'.
John is arriving  on July 28, staying until August 16. My mom's coming on August 12 and staying until the 30th.
My plan is to meet John in Tokyo during the Orientation of the new assistant English teachers arriving on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. I'll keep him in Tokyo for a few days, take him back to Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City) where I live - and then he's on his on.
I'll be heading out to Thailand between August 7-12 - where i will actually meet my mom and hang out with her there.
John can either stay at my place while I'm in Thailand or at Barbra's - some women he knows here.
I watch a few videos sent to me from Canada until a student teacher from Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School - one of the seven schools I teach at in the city) comes over for a visit. I wish I knew his name, but he - like a lot of Japanese folk - says his name too quickly and only once. I feel very stupid to have them keep repeating it, so I've developed a conversational style where I never say a person's name.
He and I watch a movie I have rented: The Final Countdown, where a nuclear aircraft carrier is sent back in time to the day before Pearl Harbor is attacked by the Japanese thereby involving the US in WWII.
Do you have any idea how unnerving it is to watch a movie like this with a a Japanese person? I have to suppress the urge to giggle when I see two F-14 jets fly circles over a Mitsubishi Zero airplane. Then when they blew up the Japanese fighter, I almost yelled "All right!", but remembered my guest and swallowed my glee.
My guest left half-way through the movie, so I watched the rest of it, watched more videos and then got ready for my dinner invitation to Mr. Oyamada's house. He's a teacher over at my favourite school, Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School). I wish I could tell you that he was an English teacher - but no. He taught Science, and knows very little English. That's okay, because I know very little Japanese, so we should be okay. No... wait a minute! It's going to be very difficult!
He picks me up in his white car at 6:15PM. His place looks like a dump on the outside, but inside - it's beautiful. We have a meal of ikka (squid). There is ikka this and ikka that and cooked ikka and raw ikka and something an ikka would eat. It's fantastic, and not very icky at all. I love ikka.
Oyamada-sensei (Oyamada teacher) has a very cute 16-year-old daughter whom I make a pass at when I'm drunk. But I think she started it.
Man... I need a girlfriend or I'm going to get in trouble in this country! Thank goodness, my common sense was only partially impaired and stops me from being a complete ass!
Oyamada and I have six beers apiece and far too many glasses of o-sake (sake = Japanese rice wine). Throughout the whole evening, I have no idea what anyone said to me - and I'm sure they felt the same way about me.
I had a great time and was home by midnight thanks to the sober Mrs. Oyamada driving her very drunk husband and his very drunk and new gaijin (foreigner) buddy to my place five minutes away.
I am so drunk but I miss not having Junko arrive at my apartment 30 seconds after I do.

Somewhere, Oyamada's daughter goosed my bum,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Thin Lizzy: BACK
PS: No excuses here. I should not have hit on a 16-year-old, even if she did start it. It's why I am so glad I don't teach at the Girl's High School here in Ohtawara. It's less temptation. The girls have no problem in throwing themselves at me, which is scary.  

Cover Of The Rolling Stone

This story is nothing to sneeze at.

In March of 1991, I had to spend the first four days of my week teaching at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakausa Junior High School) in the small city of Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken in Japan.

I was feeling fine. The weather was warn and sunny. Wakakusa is a very nice school with friendly smart students and equally cool teachers. Tomura-sensei (Mr. Tomura, teacher) was the head English teacher (eigo-no sensei) there, and always came to my apartment at Zuiko Haitsu to pick me up and drive me to school.

Arriving at the school, I went in to the teacher's lounge on the second floor of this modern, and clean institution and made my greetings to the principal and vice-principal, and all of the other teachers there. Almost before I could sit down at my desk, one of the female teachers would always have a piping hot cup of o-cha (green tea) to hand to me, while bowing graciously.

It's always a great time. The weather outside is so nice that all of the windows on the far side of the lounge are wide open letting in the fresh air. It's a nice change of pace considering how cold it had been just a few weeks previous.

Sitting at my desk and examining my teaching schedule, my nose began to get runny. Then my body began to get achy. I felt tired. I had chills. I had a fever.

I was sick, but had never been hit so hard or so hard in my life.

Tomura-sensei was alarmed and quickly drove me back home. I had only been in school for five minutes.

I got into my apartment  - with help from Tomura-sensei - said good-bye and that I'm sure I would be fine tomorrow... and here's the funny thing... within minutes after he left, I was fine.

World's greatest actor? Perhaps. But I wasn't acting. I was genuinely feeling ill. And now I was genuinely feeling better.

Not wanting to be fooled, I took some ibuprofen (Aspirin), drank a bottle of orange juice and went to sleep for a few hours.

I awoke having to pee, but otherwise still feeling great. No runny nose or body ache - nothing. I watched some television, did some laundry and vacuumed the apartment.

The next morning, I'm still feeling fine - but again upon arriving at the teacher's lounge - 2nd floor - at Wakakusa, I began to feel ill again.

Someone - and I'm unsure who - thought it might be an allergy. They asked me if I had any allergies. I told them I had none that I knew off - but that was in Canada. Through frantic translations with Tomura-sensei, it was indeed determined that I was allergic to something at Wakakusa.

That's when it was pointed out that the Japanese Black Spruce tree was in full bloom at this very moment - and with the windows wide open on the second floor, and the trees being at that height and taller - I was getting a real good dose of pollen. Apparently I wasn't the only one suffering, but I was suffering the best, or worst, depending on your own view of these things.

While Monday was indeed the heaviest day of pollen at Wakakusa, it was still heavy enough for me to go home again on Tuesday. As a precaution, Wakakusa had a gaijin-free week until the tree stopped dropping pollen. In fact, the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) over the next three years refused to allow me to teach at Wakakusa during heavy pollen times. Other schools were fine, because none of the others had Japanese Black Spruce all over the yard.

Somewhere my nose is running and my feet smell,

Andrew Joseph
Today's blog was written and performed by: Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show - TAKEALLKINDOFPILLS


PS: Back in Canada, I later found out I was allergic to cats, goldenrod, and molds. I wasn't tested for Japanese Black Spruce, but it's safe to say I can add that to the list.